What You Mean To Me
by nickythehippi
Summary: This is a preslash/slash. House has been keeping a secret, how will Wilson react once he founds out. This has some H/C friendship in it too along with some angst. Wilson has a couple of dark tones in this one and House deals with the affects of his child abuse and past rapes have on him. Hope you like it and as always Read, Enjoy and Review.
1. Chapter 1

Tuesday-

Wilson was sitting in his car with the radio on looking at House's apartment. It had been a couple of weeks since the whole Tritter vs House trial and they were friends again, but he still hadn't been in House's apartment since he found him overdosed on oxycodone. Wilson looked away as the image flashed in his head. He felt angry at House for what he had done and at the same time guilty for having not been there sooner. Wilson bounced his head on the steering wheel. How many time had he done this now, sitting in his car watching House's apartment and then chickened out and left. The first two time he had actually made plans with House but then just canceled, and the last four times he planned on just stopping by unexpectedly so that he wouldn't have to hear the disappointment in House's voice if he lost his courage.

Wilson looked back at the apartment and saw someone tall coming out. His heart raced for a moment afraid it would be House, but then he let out a sigh when he didn't see the gait of his friends steps. Wilson watched as the man walked down the couple of steps and then he stopped breathing, no... he had to have been wrong. But just as he had reassured himself the man walked to a car and the light was on his face again. There was no mistaking it, it was Tritter. Wilson swallowed as he saw the man who had caused him to lose so much and almost locked up his best friend get in his car and drive off.

Suddenly he wasn't afraid of going in House's apartment, because a new fear was overriding it. What was Tritter doing there and what did it mean for both him and House. Wilson got out of his car and walked the steps he had walked thousands of times before. He knocked and heard some shuffling he waited for a couple of minutes and knocked again since House still hadn't come to the door.

"Hold your fucking horses, I'm a cripple here." House yelled as he finally started making his way to the door. He opened it and was surprised to see Wilson. "Hey," House said as he looked around Wilson into the hall and then walked back into his apartment.

"Hey, I just thought I would stop by, you know, since they are showing that Monster Truck MASH tonight." Wilson said as he walked in behind House and closed the door. He had noticed House looking in the hall and that as he walked he seemed to be leaning more on the cane.

House walked into the kitchen, "Yeah, sounds awesome," House said opening the refrigerator. "You want a beer?" He asked.

"Sure," Wilson answered, things were good between them, but to be honest they weren't really the same. Ever since the Tritter trial House had been nicer to Wilson, probably because of how mad Wilson had gotten. In some ways Wilson had to say that this change had it's perks, but at the same time it just never felt quiet as comfortable as it had. Wilson made his way to his usual spot and sat down.

House dragged in the living room and handed Wilson a beer then sat down with a tired thud. He tried to keep his face neutral as the pain only increased. He was glad to see Wilson back at his place just like he was now, but not tonight. He was tired and beat, but since this was the first time Wilson had actually been to his place since... that night. House closed his eyes as he tried to push the image out of his mind.

"House, you okay?" Wilson asked surprised that House still hadn't opened his bottle.

"It's just been a long day," House said twisting the top off of his beer and then taking a long sip.

Wilson nodded in agreement and took a sip of beer too.

House started flipping the channels, "Have you eaten, because I was just trying to decide between pizza and Chinese before you stopped by, it's on me." He said stopping as he found the right program. He was hoping that somehow he could show Wilson that he was worth being friends with again, and figured getting Wilson a meal to help repay for all the ones Wilson had bought in the past was a start.

Wilson frowned, he wasn't sure if this was House just trying to make amends or if House knew something worse was about to happen and was trying to get an early start on making amends for it. "What's the occasion?" He asked watching House closely.

House shrugged, "Nothing, I was hungry and you always buy, so I thought I'd get it this time."

Wilson didn't notice anything out of place about House's behavior, "Chinese sounds great." He said giving a small smile as he saw House call in the order.

They both watched as the Trucks ran around the track jumping and crushing cars and when the food came House didn't even try to steal any of Wilson's food. He actually offered for Wilson to try his. They laughed and had a couple more beers as they watched Monster Trucks.

It was almost nine before House finally broke down and took two vicoden. He had been hoping to wait until Wilson left but he was in too much pain to make it any longer without it starting to show. He tried to be inconspicuous but realized he had failed when he glanced over to see Wilson watching him. House swallowed the pills and looked away from Wilson and back to the TV.

"After all the trouble those things have caused you, I can't believe you are still taking them," Wilson said not looking away from House.

House let out a deep breath, "I wouldn't if I could stop." He said hoping Wilson would drop it.

"Don't lie House, you could if you really wanted to, I'd even help if you were serious about it," Wilson said once again feeling a bit of anger about all that had happened, and how much his friends addiction had cost him. Then his mind went to Tritter and why he had been here.

House thought of a lot of things to say, but decided he wasn't going to argue with Wilson especially about this the first night he had come over.

Wilson looked back at the game waiting for a quick witted remark or some excuse to come from his friend, but when the commercial break came on ten minutes later he looked back at House surprised he hadn't retorted. He noticed that House looked a little pale and there was a grimace of pain on his face for a moment before House noticed him watching and put on a neutral face. Wilson felt a pull of guilt that House felt he had to mask his pain. "It's hurting bad tonight isn't it?" He asked somberly.

House let out a dreadful sigh and nodded, hoping Wilson would leave it at that.

Wilson got up and grabbed two beers then came back in the living room and handed one of them to House.

House looked up at him and nodded, "Thanks," he said and opened it.

"You're welcome House," Wilson said and put his hand on House's back. House jerked slightly as a hiss of pain through his teeth escaped his lips. Wilson froze, "House, what's wrong with your back?"

House looked down, "Nothing to worry about, now sit down before the commercials are over."

Wilson could see House's muscles tighten, "Fine if it's nothing to worry about then you wont mind me looking." He said still standing and staring down House.

House swallowed as he looked back up at Wilson, "You don't have to, I'm fine, really."

Wilson could tell by something in House's eyes that this was going to be bad, "I'd rather look, you know me. I won't stop worrying until I do, and you said yourself it wasn't bad." Wilson said knowing that challenging House's words was one of the only ways to get him to do what you wanted.

House put down his beer and took off his shirt then stared at the TV. Wilson looked in horror at the dark bruises and cuts that littered House's whole back. "What the hell happened to you?" He asked just now noticing that House wasn't looking at him anymore.

House sighed, "Like I said it's nothing to worry about, lets just have a good time and watch some monster trucks."

Wilson wasn't going to let this go and walked in front of the TV and turned it off then stood in front of House. He saw some more bruises on House's chest. "Strip down to you underwear," Wilson commanded.

House blinked at him as if he were crazy, "What? Why?"

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Because I want to see if there is more and if I ask you, you'll just lie." He knew House long enough to know that even though he was honest about most things, he wouldn't be honest about this.

House stood up and put a hand on Wilson's shoulder, "Wilson, it's okay... really. There's no need to do this I'm fine."

Wilson felt his stomach churn, there was more or House wouldn't be saying that, "Take off the rest of your clothes or I will."

House propped his cane on the couch and looked at the ground as he took off his belt, the unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. He stood there for a moment then sighed and pushed them down.

Wilson gasped, "Who... who did this?" he asked as he saw the dark bruises went all the way down to his knees.

House pulled his pants back up, then pulled on his shirt, "I can't tell you. You're better off not knowing." He hated to keep something from Wilson, but he had been selfish before and it had almost cost him their friendship.

"It was Tritter, wasn't it?" Wilson said with a furry in his eyes.

House stared at him in shock, "How... how, did you know? Did he tell you?" He asked as his heart pounded in his chest and panic rose.

"I saw him leave, and what do you mean by 'did he tell me', why would he tell me?" Wilson said looking at House with intensity.

"No reason," House said looking away, "just forget about this okay? It looks worse than it is."

Wilson couldn't believe what House was saying. Tritter was beating the crap out of him and House was acting like it was nothing, "No, I'm not going to for forget this! You need to start talking otherwise I'm calling the police right now."

House rolled his eyes, "Yeah, let's call the cops. I wonder why I didn't think of that... oh yeah, because it's a cop that's doing it." He said sarcastically.

Wilson put his hands on his hips, "Fine then I'll go and ask Tritter, since for some reason you seem to think he'll tell me."

House stood up, "Wilson, don't," he said with panic.

"Then start talking, and you better not lie to me House, because if I find out you're lying to me our friendship is over." Wilson said the conviction.

House swallowed, "He found out how much you mean to me," he said as he watched Wilson.

Wilson looked confused, "Okay and what's that got to do with this."

House sat down, this wasn't going to be easy, "Didn't you wonder why I didn't fight him harder when he started coming after me about the vicodin? Or why he targeted you, when he was after me?"

Wilson was getting more and more confused as he looked at House who was giving him a look like he should understand, "I don't get what it is you are trying to tell me. House one of the only good traits about you is that you are direct, you don't pussy foot around so just tell me already."

"I love you," House said as he looked at Wilson and his heart paced faster.

"Yeah, I get that, we are best friends, I love you too," Wilson said looking at him.

House stared at him with a intensity Wilson had never seen before, "I love you," House said softer.

Wilson nodded, "Okay," he said as he looked in House's eyes, and then it hit him, "wait... how... you mean you..." he couldn't finish his sentence.

House closed his eyes for a second and stood up looking into Wilson's eyes, "Wilson, I love you," he said in a deep whisper.

Wilson took a step back without even thinking about it, "Is this some kind of sick joke?"

House shook his head and sat back down on the couch. The way Wilson had moved away made his heart ache.

Wilson suddenly felt very aware of his movements and closeness to House. He couldn't help as his mind whirled about every time they had hugged, or touched, or the times he slept over. Wilson felt the need to run, but fought it, "How did he find out? When did this all start?" he asked as he tried to keep his voice even.

House stared at the ground, "I don't know exactly. I just know it's how I feel."

"Not about that!" Wilson yelled, "I'm talking about with you and Tritter! I want to know how he found out, and what he's been doing."

House didn't even attempt to look up at Wilson, it hurt too much, "He... he raped and beat me after he brought me in, then when he came back in I was asleep and I must have said something in a dream. He kicked me and when I woke up he told me knew I was in love with you. He said that if I caused any trouble for him he would tell you. Then later... he... he came by here and said that..." House closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing, "That if I didn't let him fuck me and beat me, he would tell you. You're my best friend Wilson, I didn't want to ruin that." House said looking up with pleading eyes.

Wilson's emotions were wild, he felt horrible for what House had endured, betrayed that he hadn't told him how he felt or about what had been going on, he felt angry because House felt the way he did since he had done nothing to inspire them, and mad at himself for not realizing something darker was going on by the way House acted about Tritter. Wilson sat down on the couch beside House and put a gentle hand on his back. "It's okay, I'll just let him know that I already know and he'll back off."

House looked at him with awe, "You would do that for me?" he asked softly.

Wilson smiled sadly, "Of course I would House, I care about you."

House felt his heart warm, Wilson cared about him. His hand cupped Wilson's jaw as he pressed his lips to Wilson's.

Wilson pulled away as soon as it hit him what was happening and he punched House hard. House landed on the ground, "Get off me," Wilson yelled and continued to punch House.

House laid there taking hit after hit, his heart breaking a little more each time. When he finally noticed it stopped he looked at the ground.

Wilson stopped and looked at his hands, there was blood on them. He didn't even remember when he started hitting House. Wilson stood up and looked down at House who was staring at the ground now with a bloody lip, nose and eye. "Oh god, House... I'm so sorry. I... I don't know what got into me."

House didn't move, his only response what that he closed his eyes tightly to keep the tears from leaking out.

"House..." Wilson said with guilt, "I'm sorry, I must have freaked out."

"It's okay," House said softly.

Wilson swallowed a lump in his throat, "I didn't even know that you were gay, why didn't you tell me?"

House rolled on his back and looked up at the ceiling, "I'm not, I'm and equal opportunity employer," he said feeling a cold numbness.

Wilson frowned, "Why did you let him do that to you, why didn't you just tell me!"

"I was afraid you'd get mad, or not want to be friends anymore," House said honestly looking at Wilson.

Wilson looked away, he wasn't sure he did want to be friends anymore. He wasn't sure he could. Wilson started to walk away.

House grabbed his leg, "Wilson please..."

Wilson cut off his sentence by kicking him in the head then all over his body, "What did I tell you, you fucking fagot, don't touch me!" Wilson yelled. When he finally realized what he was doing he stopped.

House was shaking but still hadn't let a sound escape his lips. House waited for Wilson to leave but he didn't he just stood there staring at him, after five minutes he couldn't take it anymore, he knew he was about to start sobbing and couldn't bare for Wilson to see that. "I think you should go, now," He said between ragged breaths.

Wilson nodded and walked to the door, he looked back at his best friend who now was trembling on the floor hardly able to catch his breath. He felt like it was wrong to leave and at the same time that it was wrong to stay after what he'd done. He opened the door and pressed in the lock button on the door knob so no one would just walk in on House. Then he left and walked outside, Wilson looked at his car then frowned, he had to make sure House was okay, so he walked to the window and peeked in. He saw House body shaking harder and when House turned his head it became apparent why.

Wilson ran to his car and got in. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat as tears started to fall. House had been crying... and it was his fault. Wilson had never seen him actually cry, the most he'd ever witnessed was a couple of tears when the pain was too bad and the look on House's face let him know that this wasn't about the physical pain. The heartbreak on House's features made Wilson feel sick to his stomach at what he'd done to his friend. What the hell was wrong with him, he wasn't a usually violent person, and why had House just taken it. Wilson knew for a fact that House was strong, stronger than he had ever been so why did he just lay there. An eerie feeling took over Wilson, it was something that he had always thought in the back of his mind but had never asked about. The reason he never asked was because, for one House probably wouldn't answer, and second he wasn't sure he could handle hearing the answer. He quickly opened his car door and puked, then drove off.

House hadn't made it long after Wilson closed the door. His breaths became more ragged and soon he felt the odd feeling of hot tears running down his face while his body shook hard. He really wished the pain of it all would just kill him, because he didn't wont to live anymore. Wilson hated him, and somehow House cried even harder at that idea. Wilson hadn't just hurt him just emotionally, (yeah that's right House had emotions) but physically as well. Wilson was one of the few people in House's life who hadn't ever hurt him physically until now. House crawled to the bed and pulled down a pillow, he didn't deserve the comfort of the bed, he'd opened his mouth and ruined the best thing he ever had.


	2. Chapter 2:Morning After and Trittering

_Sorry about that, there was a bit missing from the end of this chapter that was posted. I reposted it with the end that was missing and hope that you enjoy it. By the way if you are reading my Greater Good Continued Story and was wonder why I hadn't posted in a while and then started posting this don't worry. I haven't stopped my story, I actually had my blasted computer lose the next chapter I had been working on a couple of days ago, and figured I could post some of this story which I wrote a while ago so you'd have something to read while I start writing the chapter from scratch again. _

He was there fifteen minutes after six and was happy to see that the place was almost vacant. House limped in quickly and no one even seemed to notice him. He looked on his desk at the case's Cuddy had brought up yesterday. House read them and picked the one he found to be the most interesting. The case was a decent distraction as he brainstormed the possible reasons for the woman's strange list of symptoms, and decided that he would change things up. He wrote his top three guesses on the white board and listed one of his ducklings name beside them, along with what tests they were to do to test for them. Then he closed the blinds completely around his office and started working on the second most interesting case.

At eight House looked though his balcony door to Wilson's office and was worried that he didn't see him in yet. Wilson was always there at eight. House shook his head as he thought about what all he had done to mess this up. He felt tears starting and pushed them back, this was his fault, he reminded himself and started finishing the paperwork to his old cases and doing his budget reports for his department that he was so behind on. Today he really didn't want to have to work the clinic looking and feeling like this and he felt the only way out of it this time would be to kiss up to Cuddy.

Wilson woke up feeling pretty good, he did his usually routine and it wasn't until he was trying to decide what to wear that he remembered what had happened the night before. He sat down on the bed as he replayed it in his head. Wilson looked at the clothes and suddenly felt a dread about going into the office. What if House didn't even show, or what if he did and beat the crap out of him for what he had done. He felt like he deserved the second one. Wilson was jerked out of his thought as he heard a crash from the street and looked up to realize he was had been sitting there for over and hour and was going to be late.

House could hear the duckling walking in the office.

"Okay, well I guess we don't even get a chance to say what we think it is, so much for us being a team," Cameron said as she read the patient file and the white board.

"I don't see why you're complaining, all we do is tell him our ideas, get called names, and do the tests he wants. To me this is just streamlining the process." Foreman said.

"I'm not complaining either, this just means an easy day and I really wouldn't mind an easy day. It's not like you get a lot of those working for House. Anyone know where he is by the way?" Chase asked.

Foreman lowered his voice, "I'm pretty sure he's holed up in his office. Last night when I left most of the blinds were open."

"I wonder what's going on, you think he's alright?" Cameron asked with worry.

Chase rolled his eyes, "Yeah, he's probably just sleeping off a hang over or something. I say we just do as we are asked. The last thing I want is to make a pissed off House even madder."

As they were all leaving they ran into Cuddy. "Did he decide on a case," She asked.

"Um, yeah... we are working on Charlotte Needleman's case," Chase said with a smile.

Cuddy raised an eyebrow, "You're smiling, actually all of you look happy, did hell just freeze over and make House into a decent person to work for."

Foreman laughed, "No, but we didn't have to put up with him. He just left us copies of the patients file and already had listed what he thought the top contenders were with a list of what tests he wants us to run."

"Wait, so you don't know where he is?" She asked.

"We think he's in his office," Cameron provided with a worried look and they all started walking off.

Cuddy walked in the DDX room and took a deep breath, if House thought he was going to get his team to do all the work while he slept he had another thing coming. The word 'clinic' ran though her mind and made her smile. Cuddy tried to open the door to find that it was locked.

"Go away and do what I've listed on the white board, you morons!" House bellowed.

"Open this door House!" Cuddy yelled back.

House looked up with panic and put down the file he'd been working on. He tried to calm himself as he slowly made his way to the door. He unlocked it and turned his back to the door quickly.

Cuddy opened the door and was surprised to see House wasn't facing her and the lights were off except a lamp at his desk, "You. Clinic. Now." She said in an authoritative tone.

House dipped his head some, "I... I don't feel good today, so I was hoping I could just get caught up on my paperwork."

Cuddy was shocked, she'd never heard House bargain with doing paperwork. "You mean you were wondering if you could get Cameron to do your paperwork while you sit in here and do nothing, right?"

"No, I'll do it, please," House said closing his functioning eye.

Cuddy knew something was wrong, House did say please especially in a soft voice, just like he didn't do paperwork. She walked around to look at him and stopped in her tracks, she had seen him look bad but it was as if someone had beaten him and then walked on him. Cuddy lifted her hand up and gently touched his swollen eye, she noticed he flinched but didn't pull away. "What happened?" She asked a little scared of what the answer would be.

House opened his eye, "Don't worry, it's nothing that will get the hospital in trouble. I just got into a fight... at a bar."

Cuddy felt hurt that House would think her main concern was the hospital, and was fairly sure he was lying to her about what had happened. She walked over and turned on the light, "Sit down," she said softly. House looked like he was about to fight her on it, but then sat down at the last moment. She looked him over feeling to make sure he hadn't broken his nose. She closed her eyes for a moment after she literally saw the bruise of a shoe on his face.

"You're boobs are making me feel funny," House said trying to defuse the situation.

Cuddy gave him a half smile for his effort, "Take off the shirt."

House got up and took a step back, "I'm fine, thanks for the concern, but if you don't mind I can't play nurse with you I have work to do."

Cuddy walked up to him, "For one, I'm the boss so I say what you have time for and don't have time for, now take off the shirt." House looked mad at first and then she saw something change, he looked down at the ground and threw off his blazer, overshirt, and tee. She could see a sadness and vulnerability in his eyes. She looked down and gasped, his entire torso and most of his arms were covered in dark bruises, and on his stomach and side he had hematomas on them. She also couldn't help but notice it didn't look like the bruises stopped there. "Where does it stop?" Cuddy asked.

House closed his eye, "Around the knees," he said just above a whisper.

"You shouldn't have come in. Why didn't you just call me?" She asked ask she looked at the hematomas.

House let out a small laugh, "Would you have believed me if I had called and said I didn't feel like I could make it in?"

Cuddy frowned, "Probably not, did you at least file a report?"

"No, it was my fault," He said looking at her, "well actually it was my mouths fault."

Cuddy shook her head, "Why am I not surprised." She touched him softly and he jerked.

"Ticklish," He said with a half smile and then looked up.

Cuddy smiled a little at the new knowledge and then started pressing on his ribcage.

House grimaced, "Nothings broken, just a few cracked ribs."

Cuddy nodded and continued her exam, her hands softly glided down his bruised muscles and she felt of the hematomas. She looked back up to see his eyes were on hers. It suddenly felt hotter in the room as her hands gently glided up his muscles.

"What are you doing?" He asked softly as he searched her eyes.

Cuddy swallowed and looked back down at his body, "I'm just making sure there isn't anything worse." Her hands dropped as she finally felt like he was okay, "I'm going to get you some cold compresses and I don't want to see you outside this office, is that clear?"

House nodded and put back on his shirts, then sat down in his chair. He waited until she was almost at the door, "Thanks," he said just above a whisper as he watched her.

Cuddy stopped and blinked at him, whatever happened must have been really bad for him to acting like this. She gave him a smile and nodded as she left. She quickly made her way to Wilson's office and was surprised to find it locked.

"He's not in yet, he called to say he was running late," Brittany, Wilson receptionist said.

Cuddy looked at her watch, it was already ten, "Okay, thanks." She made her way down to the clinic and grabbed two cold compresses and got on the elevator. It was about to close when someone stuck their foot in. The doors opened to revile Wilson.

Wilson swallowed as he looked at Cuddy, "sorry I'm late," he mumbled as he got in.

Cuddy took in his untidy appearance and sighed, "Late night?" she asked innocently as she straightened his tie and jacket.

Wilson shrugged, "Sort of, thanks for that," he said looking down at his tie.

"With House?" She asked her eyes on his, Wilson paled and his mouth moved even though nothing came out. "What happened to him?" Cuddy asked looking away.

Wilson frowned, "Cuddy, if he called in all I can tell you is that he had good reason."

Cuddy sighed, "I saw him Wilson, he didn't call in. What I don't understand is how he got in that shape?" She said as she stepped off the elevator and started towards Wilson's office.

Wilson's lip twitched as he followed her in his office and put down his stuff, "What did he say?" he asked not looking at her.

Cuddy sighed, "He said he got into a fight at a bar, but I'm not buying it."

Wilson let out a relieved sigh, he felt like he should tell her the truth, but honestly he was so ashamed of what he'd done he didn't want anyone to know. "Is that really so hard to believe?" he said, telling himself that it wasn't really lying if he didn't actually say that it was what had happened.

Cuddy shrugged, "No, but the extent of the beating seems personal. It was horrible."

Wilson felt like he was about to start sweating. "You know House, he probably said something and pissed someone off." He felt bad as he realized that was exactly what had happened.

"That's what he said happened when I asked him why he didn't file a report." She said with a frown, "Were you there when this all happened?"

Wilson felt his neck tie tighten, "Do you think I would have let something like that happened to him if I was there? He called me for a ride." He said and knew he had just reached a new level of crappness.

Cuddy looked at him, "I'm surprised the bar didn't call the cops."

Wilson shrugged, "Well... you know the kind of shady bars House goes to." He hoped Cuddy would just leave.

She nodded, "I've got a busy day today, is there anyway you could keep an eye on him for me?"

Wilson smiled, "Yeah, I'd be happy too."

"Thanks, and give these to him," Cuddy said before making her way back out.

Wilson looked at the cold compresses she had left and then peeked through his balcony door. He could see House sitting at the desk with papers strewn about. What was he suppose to say after what had happened, how do you apologize for something like that. Wilson grabbed the compresses and made his way out to the balcony. He watched as House made a note on the papers and leaned back in his chair with a grimace.

House took a deep breath as the pain worsened. He clenched his hands so tight they turned white, then rubbed his right one in the hole created by his lost thigh muscle. There was sweat on his forehead as he squirmed in the seat. He finally pulled out his medicine and took some then held up the bottle of water to his head to help him cool off. House looked through his balcony door and was surprised to see Wilson standing there. He blinked blankly and got up to unlock the door.

Wilson opened the door and stood in the doorway. House looked a lot worse than he remembered, but then again he hadn't been able to look at him very much after what he'd done. "God House, I'm sorry."

House shrugged, "I shouldn't have said anything, this was my fault," he said and tried to make it back to his chair but started to fall. Wilson caught him around the waist and House stood back up and pulled away from him quickly, "I'm sorry... I… I... I didn't .. mean," House started to mumbled.

"I know," Wilson said trying to kill the awkwardness. House didn't meet his eyes and sat down in his chair holding his side. "What's wrong with your side?" Wilson asked with worry.

"Nothing, it's fine," House said as he let go of it and forced a smile, "see, fine."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Let me see House," he said as he watched House stare back at him, "House," he said again still with out a response. Wilson started to reach over and check for himself and noticed that House's whole body tensioned. He felt his guilt weigh heavier on his shoulders and pull up the shirt. He stared for a moment, "Those weren't there before... before I," he couldn't finish it, he just couldn't and he looked up at House.

House was a ball of tension as he tried to keep his breaths calm. He didn't know what he was suppose to do or say anymore. He looked away from Wilson's eyes, "It's nothing big."

Wilson's eyes watered as he looked at the damage he had caused to his friend, a man who's only crime was loving him. He had beaten his face so badly he could only see out of one eye, his nose was swollen as was his lip and there was also the dark distinctive bruise of his shoe. "I'm so sorry, you'll never know how sorry I am," Wilson said before the tears started pouring out.

House licked his lips, usually in a situation like this a person put there hand on the other persons shoulder or if they were close, they might hug them, but House really didn't think that was a good idea given the resent events. "Are... those for me?" He asked not knowing what else to say.

Wilson nodded and swallowed as he was still in tears and put the compress packs on House's desk. House busied himself by bending them so they would get cool then he taped them over the hematomas, "They're good as new," he said softly looking at Wilson. Wilson shook his head and House sighed, "Wilson, I'm not mad at you, this was my fault."

Wilson stood up quickly, "How can you say that after what I did?"

House felt nervious, "Because it wasn't, if I'd just not said anything, or if I hadn't flinch when you touched my back this wouldn't have happened."

Wilson paced, "You were letting a man that almost ruined both of our lives use your body as his own little toy just to keep this secret. When in reality you shouldn't have ever had to keep it secret. You should have been able to talk to me about this and not worry about me hurting you." He felt sick and sat down in one of the chairs across from House, "Why did you let me House?"

House was confused, "Why did I let you do what?" He was clueless as to what Wilson was refering to.

"Why did you let me do that (he gestured to House's injuries) to you?" Wilson said looking at his friend now that he'd managed to stop crying.

House searched his eyes, "What was I suppose to do?"

Wilson felt anger rise in him, "Hit me back you moron, push me away maybe, hell anything but just lay there and let it continue!"

House pushed his chair back some to give them more distance and swallowed, "Wilson... I meant what I said last night. I couldn't hurt you... not without hurting myself more." He looked down at his desk, "That's just the way love works."

Wilson felt the tears coming back, "Then why didn't you yell at me, tell me to stop it."

House looked back at Wilson, "Please don't cry Wilson."

Wilson stood up and wiped his face, "You didn't make a sound House, how... everyone make noise when taking a beating like that. Why didn't you?"

House frowned, "Don't you think we have enough on our plate to workout without adding something else." He was pretty sure Wilson knew already how he had learned to be so quiet when taking beatings, but even if he didn't, now wasn't the time.

Wilson could tell that House really didn't want to be pushed on this and as much as Wilson thought it was important he didn't feel right about pushing the issue. So he nodded his agreement with House's statement. "Is there anything you want to ask me?" he asked looking at House.

House licked his lips, "Did you talk to Tritter?"

Wilson couldn't believe he had forgotten, "Not yet but I am tonight." Who forgets something like that.

House looked back down, "It's okay if you don't want to, I can do it."

Wilson put his hands down on the desk and House looked up, "No, I want to. I swear to god House, if he ever lays a hand on you again I'll make sure it's the last thing he does."

House was scared, "But Wilson I don't want him to hurt you. Please don't make this into your battle."

Wilson smiled, "House I'll keep it calm as long as he does, trust me."

House wasn't as confident as he would like to be but he figured he owed it to Wilson to give it shot, "Okay," he said then sighed, "Are we still friends?"

Wilson took a while thinking about how to explain his response, when he was finally ready to speak he looked to see House staring back at the desk with the saddest look ever. "Yes, we're still friends if you'll have me... but, I do think it would be good for us to spend some time apart at the moment. I really just need time to work thought what happened, not on your end, but on mine. What I did to you, it scared me."

House turned his head away from Wilson, "Yeah, I understand."

"House this isn't about what you did or said okay?" Wilson said wanting to make it very clear. House barely nodded. "I should go, I was late getting in and all," he said and waited for House to say something but he didn't. "So I guess this is goodbye for a while," Wilson said with a pout, House just closed his eyes and swallowed. He wanted to do something to comfort his friend but he had a feeling House was about to cry and he knew House wouldn't want him to see that. Wilson left and by the time he had sat down he noticed House had put something up in front of the glass to block him from seeing in.

It was weird when lunch time came and Wilson found himself sitting by himself in his office. Part of him expected House to turn up and take half of his sandwich, but he knew House wouldn't because of the talk. Instead he kept thinking about everything that had happened during the Tritter case, now that he knew, he could see the signs that something had been wrong and could see times in which House tried to let him know, but he had been to mad to see. The more he thought about it the more he hated Tritter. He was done with his lunch when he heard a knock and looked up expectantly. Cuddy opened the door and his smile dropped some.

"I was just wondering how House was doing," She said looking around, "I really thought he'd be here."

Wilson gave her a smile, "Nope, but I gave him the compresses and talked to him. He'll be fine, he's just not feeling very good right now."

Cuddy nodded and sat down on Wilson's couch, "I know, so what's going on between you two?"

Wilson shrugged, "What do you mean?"

Cuddy smiled, "I get House not coming by here because he's in a mood, but I don't see why you aren't over in his office making him laugh, or deal with it or whatever it is that you do."

Wilson sighed, he knew it was only going to be a matter of time before people noticed that they weren't hanging out. "We've decided to give it a break," he said trying to sound casual.

Cuddy looked at him in awe, "Really? I know it's none of my business but do you really think this is a good time for you to be hanging him out to dry?"

Wilson didn't like how Cuddy had made it sound, "I'm not hanging him out to dry and what makes you think this wasn't his idea?"

Cuddy let out a chuckle, "Wilson, House is like a lost puppy without you. He follows you everywhere. Hell I'm surprised he hasn't proposed to you." She said with a smile.

Wilson blushed, "What? Why would he propose to me? That's just... no. Like I said it's fine, we've both had a lot going on in our lives and need to take some time to refocus. I have somethings I need to work through and so does House."

Cuddy put her hands up in a surrendering motion, "Fine, if that's what you need then you do that, I'll just watch him a little more closely."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Cuddy you do realize you are talking about a grown man. House will be fine."

She stood up, "We're not talking about a grown man, we're talking about House. You have something you need to work through, I get that. But to House, you aren't just his friend Wilson, you're his therapist, his family, and most of the time his conscience. I'm not saying its fair or that I blame you for doing what you need to do, but you also shouldn't kid yourself into believing that this is going to be easy for him."

Wilson felt like he was going to be smothered under the weight of his guilt. "I care about him too Cuddy, believe me this is the best thing for both of us."

Cuddy gave him a smile, "I know you do Wilson, if you like I'll keep you updated."

Wilson let out a sigh, "I would actually, if you don't mind."

Cuddy smiled back, "Will do," she said and left.

By five o'clock House had already solved three of the four case's Cuddy had left on his desk, he'd finally completed all of his past patients paperwork that he'd been avoiding and had done the last nine months of the budget reports. Cuddy had been the only one in his office except for Wilson during their talk. She had been astonished at all the work he'd gotten done. He looked around his office trying to find something to keep his mind busy that wasn't a budget report. Truthfully, he wanted to go home, but knew if he tried to leave before eight there would be an audience and so far he'd been able to keep out of the radar. Most things House could tolerate, but sympathy just wasn't one of those things, for some reason it just pissed him off. He grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels he had in his drawer and took a sip. It was going to be one hell of a long night.

As soon as it was five thirty Wilson was in his car and on his way to speak with Tritter. He pulled up and ended up parking in the same spot he had when he picked up House from jail. He sat there for a moment remember how much pain House had seemed to be in and that he'd seemed upset it had taken Wilson so long to get the money together for his bail. Now he knew why on both accounts and it made him want to kill Tritter. Wilson sat for a moment longer knowing it wouldn't do either of them any good for him to go in there mad. Finally Wilson got up and walked inside.

Wilson asked where he could find Tritter and a woman pointed him in the right direction. He walked up to Tritters desk and saw a glint in Tritter's eye.

"Well, hello there Dr. Wilson, what do I owe the pleasure?" He said with a smug look.

Wilson felt his blood boil and realized this was going to be a lot harder than he'd hoped. "I know," Wilson said clearly looking at Tritter.

Tritter laughed, "I don't understand what you mean Dr. Wilson, what exactly do you know?"

Wilson felt his face warm with anger, "I know what you did in the cell. I know what you found out, and I know what you've... been making him do to keep you quiet. I know all of it." He said feeling between sick and overcome with rage.

Tritter smiled and leaned toward Wilson to keep the conversation private, "It's nice to know you're so accepting of him. He didn't seem to think you would be. I, to be honest, was surprised it wasn't the other way around, considering your... (Tritter looked him up and down) demeanor."

Wilson was afraid to move at all, even to speak for fear that he would lose it and try to kill the thing that was standing in front of him.

Tritter laughed again as he could see Wilson was getting madder by the minute, "I'm happy for you Dr. Wilson. I have to say you have a nice partner. Oh he really can take so much pain and.. other things. You should tell him I'll miss our visits. They always left me wanting more, you know what I mean." Tritter said and winked at Wilson.

Wilson put his hand on Tritters desk to hold himself back, "Some people," he said his eyes on fire as looked at Tritter, "are sick in a way that's only curable by a bullet. So let me be perfectly clear. You touch him again, and I'll make sure that you get a dose of something that will 'cure' you of your aliments."

Tritter licked his lips and smiled, "Don't worry, I've gotten my fair share out of the deal and I have to say his silence during everything, (Tritter chuckled) oh and the things I did, was disappointing. A man does like a bit of praising over their accomplishments don't they. Hope you two have a good life, no really I mean that, and if you do ever find out what it takes to make him scream... please do let me know." Tritter said and walked away.

Wilson walked out in a rage and when he got to his car he pounded the top of it with his fists. He was fuming and squatted for a moment as he tried to regain his composer. He mind raced and the things Tritter had said ran through his head. It wasn't long before he was throwing up. He couldn't imagine what was going through House's head when he'd agreed to their arrangement.


	3. Chapter 3: House dancesWilson talks

_Alright, um, just to let you know Chapter 2 was updated for a reason, it was missing a very important bit at the end. I just wanted to let you know in case you were wondering. Alright hope you like this chapter, we get to see House drunk... which is always... interesting. Also we get to discover why the hell Wilson was being... well so not Wilson-ish. Have fun and review._

Thursday

The next morning Cuddy decided to come in early and was surprised to House's motorcycle in the same spot. She sighed, knowing that it was a bad omen as to what was to come. She quickly went inside and got everything put in her office then headed up to see House, bringing her master key with her.

Cuddy let herself in, the office was dark except for the light on his desk. She shook her head at the bottle of Jack Daniels that sat on the desk and spotted House asleep in his cream chair closest to the hall door. She thought about letting into him right now and waking him up in a fright, but... there he was sleeping and even doing that he was frowning. Not that that meant she was okay with him drinking at the hospital, nope that just won't do. She walked over to him and frowned, he still looked so pathetic it made her hurt just looking at him. Cuddy combed her fingertips softly thought his hair and he pulled back.

"Please... please don't hurt me," House said his lips trembling in his sleep.

Cuddy pulled her hand back and swallowed a lump in her throat. She felt herself hating whoever had done this to him. House was a lot of thing, hell he was a lot of things that pissed her off too, but violent wasn't one of them. Who beats the crap out of a cripple, she wondered. She tried not to look at House as a cripple, but... well he was.

Cuddy shook her head and tried to mentally push away those thoughts, "House," she said hoping it would wake him. Of course it didn't it just earned her a grimace from him as he slept. She grabbed his arm and gave it a shake, "House." House bolted up with ragged breath and wide eyes. Cuddy had moved back quickly and looked at him with slight shock, "House, did you sleep here last night?"

House looked at her and then back down at his leg, "Medicine," he choked out as his hands went to work rubbing his thigh.

"House, you didn't answer my question," She said even thought she was worried about the pained sound in his voice.

"Yes, now the vicodin," House said rubbing the ruined thigh and turning his face away.

Cuddy grabbed the bottle off the desk and threw it to him. House caught it and fumbled around trying to get the lid off with shaky hands. He was so intent on the bottle he didn't notice her until she tried to grab the bottle from him. He jerked away dropping the bottle in his lap.

Cuddy's eyes widen, she had never seen him look scared before, "Let me," she said softly and with that she picked up the bottle and opened it. "How many?" She asked without judgment.

"Two," He answered as he watched her.

"So three then?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. House nodded. Cuddy handed him the pills and grimaced as she saw him chew them. She knew it would help to get it into his bloodstream faster but it was still hard to watch because she knew how bitter the pills were.

House leaned back in the chair as his fingers began rubbing at his thigh through his pants, "Why are you here?"

Cuddy figured he was talking to her and put her hands on her hips, "Because I work here, why is there a bottle of alcohol on your desk?"

House smiled a little, "I got thirty," he answered.

"House this isn't funny! You can't drink at the Hospital!" Cuddy yelled angrily.

The volume of her voice made his head hurt and his ears ring, "Don't you drink at those benefits and donor parties?" He asked with narrowed eyes.

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "Those are different House and we don't serve hard liquor, which you would know if you ever came to one."

House could feel the vicoden taking the edge off, "Don't act like you want me to go, you know if I went I'd just say something that would embarrass you."

"Or you could just act like a decent human being for once," Cuddy countered.

House used his cane to push himself up with and clenched his teeth from the pain, "Yeah like that's ever going to happen."

"Are you okay, I think you should sit down," She said as she could tell the pain was still bad.

"I'm fine," House said with labored breath as he tried to stand straight on the leg, "The sooner I start working it the better it'll get."

Cuddy felt bad but pushed those feeling aside, "No more drinking of alcohol in the hospital, we clear."

"So if I was a vampire I could drink blood here?" House said with a dark look in his eyes.

Cuddy looked unamused, "Sure, whatever are you a vampire House?"

House wagged his eyebrow, "One can never tell, but it would explain why everyone seems to keep a distance around me."

Cuddy smiled, "Yes it's because they are afraid you are a vampire, not at all because the first two years you had the cane you found the idea of tripping people to hilarious."

House smirked, "Oh don't act like you didn't find it funny too."

"I didn't House, you have no idea how many people tried to sue the Hospital," Cuddy said exasperated.

House stretched his leg as he leaned against the wall, "Any other reason you stopped by other than to scold me."

Cuddy bit her lip, "I wanted to see how you were healing."

"Well I can open both eyes again," House said with a smile.

Cuddy sighed, "Let me see how the rest is healing."

House had on a evil smile, "You want to see this?" He said in a seductive manner.

"House..." She started but found her sentence stopped by his finger on her lips.

"Shhh...," House said doing something with his phone and then put it down and took a good couple of steps away from her. He wagged his eyebrows and smiled and as if on cue Beounce's Bootylisious started playing as House started to sway to the beat and take of his clothes slowly.

Cuddy blinked at him in shock, as he smirked and threw his blazer at her. Cuddy threw it off, "House," she said watching him.

House started singing with the song with a smile as he slowly unbuttoned his dress shirt. Cuddy was blushing hard and House licked his lips, "Cuddy why are you blushing?" He asked as he continued.

Cuddy let out a sigh, "Someone has to be embarrassed for you, now just take off your clothes."

House chuckled, "Someone's anxious, I thought women liked romance," he said moving his body as he undid the last button and started to shrug it off his shoulders.

Cuddy caught his shirt and suddenly all the humor in the situation left her as she saw the dark bruises on his arms and the lower part of his torso as he rubbed his hand up his shirt giving her small glances. She walked over and grabbed his phone stopping the song.

"Hey, I was enjoying that?" He said with a pout.

"You're still drunk, aren't you?" She said stepping closer to him and smelling the alcohol on his breath.

House leered at her, "If I say yes does that mean you'll take advantage of me?" he said in a low seductive voice.

Cuddy shook her head and quickly grabbed the bottom of the shirt and pull it off.

"Ay... that hurt," He said looking at her with more sober eyes.

"No wonder someone beat the crap out of you, you're impossible." She said and reached to remove the cold compresses but he moved back. Cuddy looked up to see him swallow, there was a slight vulnerability in his eyes again.

"He didn't mean it, it was an accident." House said looking down at the bruises, "He didn't mean to hurt me."

Cuddy felt a chill run up her spine, "Who didn't mean it House?"

House looked back up at her, "It doesn't matter," he said and pulled off the compresses. Cuddy grimaced at the the sound but noticed he didn't have any reaction. "They've gone down, you satisfied now?" House said turning away.

Cuddy looked at the bruises and the cuts on his back, "I'd like to put some alcohol on these cuts and some antibiotic ointment."

House sighed, "There some in my backpack, left side pocket."

Cuddy unzipped it and pulled out both noticing that they were the hospitals. She looked back in, to notice even more things in the bag, then she started unzipping the other pockets.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" House yelled as he limped over to her.

Cuddy was astounded at all the stuff he had packed away. There were tweezers, scalpels, needles for stitches, fishing line, bandages, gauze, medical tape, gloves, hydrogen peroxide, thermometer, general antibiotics, and that was just what she could see before House zipped back up the pockets. She looked up at him, "What the hell House, why is all of this in your bag."

House pulled the bag from her and held it against his chest with his left hand while using the right to balance himself with the cane. "It's none of you business."

"It became my business when I noticed it's the hospitals stuff not yours," She said as she tried to grab it but he leaned back, making her miss it.

"I need it, okay?" House said holding it closer.

"No, you don't, no one needs to carry all... of … this (Cuddy was trying to pry it from House's hand) stuff... to carry around. LET GO HOUSE!" She screamed but he didn't and she pushed the bag hard against his chest and he let go of the bag to try to catch himself as he fell.

He looked back at her with serious eyes, "Cuddy you don't want to push this."

Cuddy scoffed, "Tell me why you are carting all this stuff around and maybe, I'll let you keep it. Because to be honest I think it's just you being you. You're stealing just because you can."

House shook his head, "No, that's not it."

Cuddy smiled, "Then tell me House what elaborate excuse have you come up with to justify stealing this and carrying it around on you everywhere?"

"Things happen Cuddy, I need that stuff," He said intently.

Cuddy shook her head, "You are going to have to try harder than that House you work in a hospital."

House swallowed, "I have a lot of accidents, I'm a cripple for god's sake."

Cuddy sighed, "The cripple card isn't going to get you out of this one."

House stared at the bag, "I've always had one, in case..." he said distantly.

Cuddy wasn't sure if this was a trick or real, "In case what?"

House's eyes became shiny, as he shook his head, "I'm not suppose to talk about it."

The way he said it made her feel worried, but she pushed it aside, "So you're telling me you always carried around scalpals, and stitching needles, tweezers, and whatever other crap you have." House nodded. "You are so full of crap, so tell me in this story when did you start carrying you're own personal first aid kit and why?" Cuddy said tired of the game.

House looked down, "I was four when I first started, and when someone..." he yelled with an old anger and then stopped and closed his eyes, "glass breaks on you, you need things like razors, sewing needles, tweezers, fishing line, and stuff to clean the wound." He banged his hand against the ground trying to push the memories back in the hole he kept them in. "I did my first stitches when I was six, because he... he... I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Cuddy looked at him with worry, "House if this is some kind of trick or joke..."

"DOES IT FUCKING LOOK LIKE A JOKE!" House yelled as he breathed heavily and shook with rage, "Tell me where you find the humor in it. You think it's funny to see kids get beaten until they can't even walk. You like the idea of a child being thrown through a glass window and then kicked onto the broken glass."

11111111

Cuddy put the bag on the ground beside him and he grabbed it and held it close. "I'm sorry," she said softly as she saw him taking ragged breaths.

His eyes were dark as he looked at her, "I swear if you tell anyone I'll destroy this whole fucking hospital."

Cuddy was stunned for a moment, "No... of course, I... I wont tell anyone. Why.. why didn't someone take you to a hospital."

House looked back down, "Some people aren't worth the time and money to take to the hospital, and it draws unwanted attention." He grabbed his cane and pushed himself back up. He could tell he's scared the crap out of her, which hadn't really been his intention. "You want to see?" He asked softly.

Cuddy looked at him blankly, "See what?"

"My first stitches, it wasn't that bad for a six year old," He said with a shrug, "not that I know a lot of six year old's that do their own stitches," he smiled a little.

"Sure," Cuddy said and walked up to him he put out his left arm and pointed to a two inch scar that was crooked. "Where did you learn to do stitches?" She asked looking him in the eye.

"I'd seen it done a couple of times and I read some books about it, granted they were for taxidermy but it worked." House turned his right arm, "Thats my first left handed stitches, I think I was eight. Not bad huh?"

Cuddy looked at it and was surprised how much better it looked then her eyes narrowed and she turned his arm around to see another on the other side. "How did you get shot?"

House pulled his arm away, "Accidents happen when you're hunting," he said with a cold expression.

Cuddy looked down, she didn't want to ask this question, but she had noticed things and someone had to ask. "House did you let this happen to you?" Her words were soft and slow.

House didn't answer, "Why would I let someone do this to me?"

"Because, children that are abused, begin to think they deserve it, that it's okay for people to hurt them." Cuddy said searching his eyes.

"I never said I was abused," House said narrowing his eyes, "You have any other reason to think I'd let this happen to me."

Cuddy nodded, "House you don't have any defensive wounds. The sides of your arms, your shins, no bruised knuckles from hitting someone back. This much damage screams that it was personal, strangers only do what they have to do to get you down. The way you seemed so ashamed of what was done to you, like you blame yourself for it. People don't blame themselves when its strangers."

House smiled, "Sounds like someone's been watching to many law and orders."

She smiled back, "Deflect all you want House, I know it's always a yes when you deflect."

House narrowed his eyes on her and Cuddy sighed, "Let me get your back and then I want you to take off today, and no clinc duty until next week."

House smirked, "What will the rest of the staff think? There will be rumors I'm your favorite," he said taking a limping step toward her.

Cuddy pouted, "To bad black and blue doesn't do anything for me."

House smirked leaning his head down, "You're a horrible lair and you forget so easily," his eyes gleamed on hers, "because I remember a time when you said I had the sexiest eyes you'd ever seen."

"I was drunk," Cuddy said with a smile.

House took another step, now only and inch from her body, he stared down at her with a smirk, "No you weren't."

Cuddy looked up at him, "Sorry, I'm with someone."

House narrowed his eyes and smiled, "That's not what your profile on says."

Cuddy took a step back, "You hacked my computer again?"

House smiled, "Nope, I made a fake page for Wilson... actually you probably shouldn't tell him about that." He closed the distance with another step, "Said you were looking for a tall, confident man with blue eyes."

"And Jewish," she said even though she was blushing, "which you aren't."

"Hey I celebrate Christmas like ever other Jew, with Chinese and beer," he said with indignation.

Cuddy laughed, "Yeah House, you've got us all figured out, Christmas is the most important holiday in the Jewish religion."

"Yom Kippur, day of Atonement," House said looking down at her, "I'm not just a pretty face."

Cuddy smiled and let her hands roam his unclothed torso to which he closed his eyes to and rubbed the side of his face against her head. Then suddenly he jumped back laughing, "That's just wrong!" he said as he held his sides to keep it from happening again.

She grinned back at him, "Now, let me doctor up your back and you can go home."

House removed his hands, "Okay, but no tickling."

"Scouts honor," Cuddy said with a smile.

"I mean it," He said then turned around.

1111111111

Friday -

Wilson rubbed he's knees after sitting down in the therapists office.

"Hello James, it's been a month since we last talked. I've missed you, how have you been doing?" Dr. Henry Li said in a pleasant and soothing voice.

Wilson smiled, "Oh, well I'm back to see you, so I guess that say's something in it's self."

Henry smiled, "James, you don't have to be anxious. Now when you called you seemed, very disheveled so I took the liberty of making this a two hour session. So just take a breath and start from the beginning."

Wilson laughed and took a calming breath, "Thank you. Well, I went to visit House and I patted him on the back and it hurt him. So I naturally wanted to know why, which of course he didn't want to tell me, but that's not the point. The point is when he finally showed me..." Wilson took a deep breath, "he was covered in bruises and cuts from his back to his knees."

"Did you ask him how the bruises got there?" Henry said making some notes.

Wilson nodded, "Yeah, he was pretty reluctant to tell me, but he finally told me he was being blackmailed by Detective Tritter. He said..." Wilson shook his head, "God why is this so hard."

Henry put a hand on his shoulder, "James, you're doing fine. Just calm down."

Wilson nodded, "He said that Tritter had raped him and beaten him when he arrested him. He said that Tritter heard him talking in his sleep and discovered that he had a secret and blackmailed him with it. Told him that if he caused any problems in the case he would tell his secret, and then bargained keeping the secret to continue raping and beating him even after the case."

Henry looked at Wilson, "That's a lot to take in, how did you feel hearing that from your friend."

Wilson let out a sigh, "I felt a lot of things, I was angry at Tritter for what he was doing, and confused as to why House would agree to something like that." Wilson looked up at Henry, "House might be a cripple but the man isn't weak. I've been there when he's gotten into bar fights and he can handle guys twice his size. So the idea that he would just lay there and let someone do something like that to him... it just blew my mind."

Henry nodded in agreement, "Did he tell you what the secret was?"

"He said he loved me... I won't even get into the spill about how he had to say it four or five times for me to get how he meant it." Wilson laughed nervously, "I was such an idiot."

"What did that make you feel?" Henry asked with interest.

"To be honest I just wanted to run, I mean, I still don't think I've been able to fully wrap my mind around it." Wilson said leaning back against the couch.

"That's okay, something like that takes time to deal with. So I'm going to ask you to take a minute or two and just think about it, no talking, just think about it and then tell me okay?" Henry said.

Wilson nodded and thought about it.

The two minutes passed and Henry smiled at Wilson, "Are you ready now?"

"Yeah, I felt betrayed, in a way. I didn't understand why he would keep something like this from me. I also felt like it was my fault, that I'd done something to make him feel like he couldn't come to me." Wilson said calmly.

"Good, the betrayal, I can see. I want to talk more about the guilt. Can you think of anything you did that might make him think he couldn't trust you?" Henry asked.

Wilson sighed, "Oh you mean besides ratting him out to the cops, actually to the very cop that... that was doing those terrible things to him."

Henry stopped writing and looked up, "I'm talking about before that. You didn't know what was going on then, you were just trying to help him make the right decision at that time. You didn't know what was going on because he hadn't told you... because he didn't fully trust you."

Wilson thought about it and let out a deep sigh, "You're right, oh god... that's a little bit of a relief. I mean I still feel bad about how things happened, but you're right, he didn't trust me before the arrest, so I can't feel guilty that."

Henry smiled, "I love it when you come in, you do half the job for me."

Wilson smiled back, "Yeah, well believe me I have no clue about a lot that's coming up so you'll have to work there. I don't know... House has never been all that trusting of a person. So I guess that's his issue and not really mine, all I can do is learn how to accept that trait or try to get him to see a therapist himself to work through those issues."

"It looks like someone is finally learning that when things go wrong it's not always their fault. I'm proud of you Wilson," Henry said.

"Thanks, but you might want to hold off on that." Wilson said, "After he told me everything, I told him that I would talk to Tritter and let him know to back off of House, since I was the person Tritter had promised not to tell and that I cared about him. It felt good because I could see a light in his eyes when I said that, it was like I melted away some of the hopelessness and fear. Then he kissed me, and I freaked out. I just remember shoving him away and it's like I blackout for a minute because when I looked back at House he was on the ground and his face was bloody and so were my hands."

Henry looked back up, "You don't remember anything?"

Wilson thought about it, "I can remember it, I can see my hands hitting him, and yelling at him to get off of me, but in real time.. like I said it just seemed like a blink. I'm not a violent person, and even if I didn't agree with what House had done, I wouldn't usually of hit him. I mean I care about him, were friends."

Henry was writing fast in his pad, "Tell me you're thoughts and encounters with other gay people?"

Wilson looked at him blankly, "To be honest I haven't had a lot of close personal friends that were gay. I know of a couple of Doctors who are at the hospital, but I guess I don't really think about it a lot. The most interaction I had with gay guys is in college. For some reason it was like everyone thought I was gay."

"Why do you say that? What did they do to make you come to that conclusion?" Henry asked.

Wilson shrugged, "A lot of guys would come onto me, touch me, buy me drinks."

"And how did you handle that," Henry asked.

Wilson sighed, "Well at first I was real polite back, but a lot of the guys just didn't seem to get it and it just continued to the point I'd yell at them... oh, wow. Around the end of college I... had almost forgot I almost got suspended for beating the crap out of some of them."

Henry sighed, "So it sounds like to me you do have some very big issues with gay men, because of how these guys treated you in college."

Wilson nodded, "Yeah, I guess I just still haven't let go of that."

"Let me ask you some questions, okay?" Henry asked and Wilson nodded. "Do you think House would taunt you like the guys in college did?"

"No, House can be an abnoxious ass when he wants to be, but no, I can't say I think he would do that," Wilson said.

"How did you feel once you realized what you'd done to him?" Henry asked tilting his head.

"Horrible, he had just let me. He never asked me to stop or hit back, he didn't even cover his face from the blows. I told him I was sorry... and the first thing he said back was that it was okay. I can't even imagine how he felt. God, I messed him up even more." Wilson looked up and Henry, "You don't know House, I'm probably the first person he's said he loved since he's ex-girlfriend and they broke up seven years ago. I'm probably the first person he's actually tried to kiss since then too."

Henry looked confused, "I thought you said he's gay?"

"I asked him about that, and what he told me, was that he was a equal opportunity employer." Wilson said with a smile as he thought about House.

Henry laughed, "Well he's got a way with words, hasn't he."

Wilson laughed, "Yeah he does. After that I asked him why he didn't just tell me, and he said he was afraid I'd get mad and wouldn't be his friend anymore. I started to walk off and he grabbed my leg, and it happened again, I just kept kicking, him.. I said 'What did I tell you, you fucking fagot, don't touch me.'" Wilson swallowed hard, "Then I just stared at him and finally he said that he thought I should go, and I did." He looked down at the floor, "As soon as I left I hated myself for it, so I looked back in on him through a window and he was crying. The mans been in so much pain his heart has literally gone out on him and he didn't cry. I'd never really seen him cry until that night."

Henry looked sad, "We'll figure this out, James."


	4. Chapter 4: Why's House Sick?

Monday -

Monday when House came in he's eye had finally gone down in swelling and looked almost normal except the bruise and the cut. He walked in and signed in for his Clinic duty without a fight. He took the first case that was on his desk and the team did a DDX, which didn't take long since it was an easy case. It was twelve thirty when house heard a knock on his door. He swallowed and walked over unlocking it.

Cuddy walked in and looked around, "You can't just barricade yourself in your office House." She said as she opened the blinds and turned on the lights.

"I'm getting my work done so why the hell do you care?" House asked squinting at her.

Cuddy didn't let the remark phase her, "Your face looks better, how about the hemotomas?"

House rolled his eyes and pulled up his shirt still sitting. Cuddy walked over and bent down to get a good look. "You might want to make it quick, I'm pretty sure this looks like something else to people walking by."

Cuddy stood up, "I thought you wanted people to think that there was something going on."

House shrugged, "Yeah, in that dirty bad way. If people think you don't mind them seeing they'll think we are in a relationship and that will hurt my rep as being a bad ass bachelor."

"Yeah, that's how everyone thinks of you House," She said rolling her eyes and grabbed his hand.

House didn't move as he watched her tug, "Want me to get up, all you have to do is ask." he said with a smirk.

"Oh, I could get you up out of that chair if I wanted to," She said with and evil glare, "But yes I want you to get up and come to lunch with me."

House knew that this was a sympathy lunch, and he wasn't going to do it, "Not hungry, but thanks for the invite." He said spinning back towards his desk to work.

"Fine, I'll pay," Cuddy said with a smile.

"Doesn't change the answer since I had already assumed you were paying," House said trying to look involved in the boring case.

Cuddy sighed, he wasn't making this easy so she was just going to have to come out and say it, "House you can't just stop eating because Wilson and you aren't talking," she said gently.

House looked up at her with cutting eyes, "Who said we aren't talking?"

"Wilson told me, he said he and you had issues you needed to work through," Cuddy said watching him.

House clenched his jaw and looked back at his file, "So he's talking to you?"

Cuddy could tell whatever was going on between the two friends was upsetting House a lot, "House, just go to lunch with me and we can talk about Wilson all you want."

House closed his eyes for a second trying to stay calm even thought he was getting frustrated, "I don't want to talk about Wilson, and I'm not hungry."

Cuddy snatched the files he was looking at and put them behind her back.

"Give it back," He said looking her straight in the eyes as his stomach grumbled.

"No, not until I see you eat something. House I asked your team about you eating and they said they haven't seen you eat anything since Wednesday, and neither have I." Cuddy said with worry.

"So you're willing to risk patients lives to get me to go to lunch with you?" House said flatly with a curious look.

"Yes, if that's what it takes. Ever since this happen you've been throwing yourself into your work, and I'm not going to let you do that." She said putting the files in her brief case while hoping that he would realized how worried she was about, "Now lets go."

House didn't move, "Then I guess they'll just have to die," he said coldly.

Cuddy was surprised, House never gave up on cases, "House you have to eat, I know you're upset but..."

"God how pathetic do you think I am! You think I'm what, starving myself because he isn't talking to me?" House said and took a deep breath, "The reason I'm not eating is because I can't keep anything down. Okay? There's the mystery! A stomach bug."

Cuddy swallowed, this was just like when Stacy left and his leg suddenly started hurting worse, or during the Tritter investigation when his shoulder started hurting. The sad thing was House was the only one who couldn't see it, because he couldn't admit to himself that people mattered to him, "And when did this stomach bug start?"

"My stomach has been hurting for nine days now, it's gotten worse since Wednesday and I haven't been able to keep food down much." House answered with narrowed eyes already knowing where her mind was going.

"House... it isn't a bug. It's whatever is going on between you and Wilson, it's eating at you to the point you can't even keep food down. You need to talk about this," Cuddy said putting her hand on his, "please just talk to me."

House pulled his hand out from under hers, "Oh you already had your shot little miss muffet and you decide you couldn't handle this... remember."

Cuddy raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, if I was trying to seduce you House putting my hand on top of yours would so be my go to move." She could tell that he was going to stay stubborn on this and if she didn't want him to starve she was going to have to pull out something she knew he wouldn't refuse. "Let's make things interesting, I'll let you look at my boobs if you at least attempt to eat something in front of me."

House couldn't believe this, "Really? How long are we talking?"

Cuddy sighed, "One full minute, in my office no phones allowed."

House smirked, "I've already seen Patty and Selma before, what make's you think I'll even agree."

Cuddy smiled, "Because they're smoken." She said seductively, "Meet me there in ten minutes I'll have you a Reuben."

House was there on the dot, he walked in to find Cuddy sitting on her desk with a Reuben sandwich on a plate beside her. "Enjoy," she said handing it to him.

House shook his head, he wasn't falling for that, "No, first you pay up and then I'll eat."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes on him, "Nope you eat first, otherwise you'll back out."

House took his keys and handed them to her, "My keys to my motorcycle, that can be your collateral. I'm not going to be able to enjoy myself much after I up-chuck."

Cuddy thought about it and decided that he wouldn't give the keys if he planned on backing out as she put the keys in a drawer then locked it. "Okay," she said and unbuttoned her shirt then pushed her bra down and her boobs up out of the bra.

House couldn't believe it this was happening, he'd expected her to back out. He reached a timid hand towards them and stopped, "Can I touch?" He asked softly.

Cuddy hadn't really thought about that, but figured it was only a minute so why not. "Yeah sure, but like I said you've got fifty more seconds."

House cupped them and closed his eyes then he put his head in between them breathing in her perfume and rasp-berried them. Cuddy laughed and then her breath hitched as he sucked on one of her nipples. He looked up at her with intense eyes and took the other one in his mouth as he thought about their past relationship in college. She looked away as her face blushed at how good he felt and the look in his eyes. He stopped sucking them and just rolled them in his hands, "It's sad, I think they miss me," he said rubbing the red nibbles between his thumb and index finger. Cuddy swallowed not saying a word. "Maybe would could work out some visitation rights?" He said pressing her against the table with his body and giving Patty and Selma a nice squeeze.

Cuddy bit her lip as her mind was blank and her body warmed from his touches. Right then he heard something beep. "Time," Cuddy said breathlessly. House didn't move he just stood there. "House!" Cuddy said loudly.

House let his hands drop and took a couple of steps back watching as Cuddy put away the fun sacks. "That's it, you aren't going to say anything?" He asked watching her.

"What did you expect?" She asked looking at the buttons and relieved that she had literally been saved by the bell from making a huge mistake.

"Nothing," House said bitterly, and sat down with a grimace. He unwrapped the sandwich and started eating even though his stomach was hurting. He wasn't quiet half way threw before he started gagging and vomited on the floor even though there was a trash can well with in reach.

"Why didn't you use the trash can?" Cuddy asked furiously.

House stood up and turned to her with sweat on his brow, "Oops, I didn't see it, the carpet really did need to be changed anyways." He said and started on his way out.

Cuddy grabbed him by the arm, "House, you are going to..." she didn't get thought her sentence before he buckled and started vomiting more violently. She watched as his body trembled from the force and what she saw scared her, some of it was blood.

When he finally stopped he knew he was too weak to stand even on good legs and scooted his way to the bathroom. Cuddy followed him, "There was blood," she said opening the door.

"I know, ulcers are acting up," House said flatly and rolling his eyes as she walked in stepping over him.

"So there's been blood before?" She asked with concern while wetting a rag for him.

"God can't you just get the hell out of here and leave me with some, though maybe false, sense of dignity!" He said in a raised voice looking at the floor.

Cuddy left without a word letting the rag fall on his lap. House ran a hand across his face as he pushed back tears. He wouldn't do this here, god not in Cuddy's bathroom after vomiting everywhere. He had deep feeling for both Wilson and Cuddy, and now he knew neither of them shared his those feeling and it was tearing him up literally. He looked down at his shaking hand and grabbed the rag to start cleaning himself up with. The pain was bad and House pulled out his Vicodin bottle and looked in it to see only four left. He closed it back up he would need those when he slept, then... well, he'd be out. There was no way he was going to ask Wilson for another prescription, and he didn't want to get Cuddy involved. Tritter had pretty much fucked up his chances of getting someone else to write a prescription.

"Hooouuusssee," Cuddy said in a slow motion blur. "Hoouuse?"

House blinked and looked up at her with confusion.

"House, you passed out, are you hearing me?" She asked watching as his eyes tried to focus.

He nodded, "Yeah, what do you mean I passed out, what time is it?" he asked slowly.

"It's past four," Cuddy said looking at him with worry.

House sat up slowly looking around him, "Can you get my cane?" He asked.

Cuddy handed it to him, "Don't try to get up too fast," she warned.

House got up as slowly as he could and his breaths became hitched and ragged from the intense pain coming from his thigh. He took one step then another, made it out of the bathroom and looked at her floor, "I'm sorry about the carpet, the second time wasn't intentional, I'd actually planned on getting out of your office before that."

Cuddy no longer cared about the carpet instead she was really worried about him. She shrugged, "Like you said, it needs to be replaced."

House nodded as he made his way to the door stopping when he reached it, not looking back, "About the yelling, I wasn't mad at you."

Cuddy smiled, "I know."

As soon as Cuddy had seen House get in the elevator she started up the stairs. Once she had finally gotten up to the right floor she peeked out the door and saw House slowly walking into his office. She made a quick sprint and opened Wilson's door and shut it.

Wilson looked up at her with a whimsical smile, "Why House, I didn't know you were a shape shifter."

Cuddy let out a deep breath and sat down in one of his chairs with a grim face.

"Oh come on, the joke wasn't that bad," Wilson said watching her.

Cuddy closed her eyes and shook her head and Wilson's stomach sank.

"It's House isn't it?" He asked with dread.

Cuddy looked back up at him, "Wilson, how long is this going to last, he's spiraling down fast."

Wilson frowned, "I don't know, I was hoping by the end of this or next week. I'm trying to get this worked out."

Cuddy sighed, "He's burying himself in work, he did the last two years worth of budget reports in a day. He did his whole time in the clinic... get this, working, without one incident."

Wilson looked confused, "And exactly what's the problem, it sounds like House is becoming a model employee."

"He stays locked up in his office, barely talks to his team and he's not eating, at all I don't think. I had to bribe him to eat something for me." She said.

Wilson sighed, "How much did that set you back?"

"No he'd already turned down money, I had to pull out the big guns." Cuddy said with a grimace.

He looked confused, "Big Guns?" Cuddy grabbed her boobs and Wilson's eyes widened, "Really?"

"Yep, anyways he couldn't even get thru half the sandwich before he vomited, and then he vomited again... violently and there was blood in it." Cuddy said looking at Wilson.

There was a panic in Wilson's eyes, "Are you sure he isn't drunk?"

"Yes, that was last week, didn't you hear? After he vomited he passed out in my office bathroom for about two hours. Wilson, I'm worried about him, something is seriously wrong. I've asked him to talk to me about it, but he refuses, I'm hoping you'll be more understanding." She said softly.

He thought about it for a moment, and then he realized it wasn't his place. What if House didn't want his boss to know he like it both ways, or that Tritter had raped him and beaten him. "I can't, it's personal and I'm not sure he'd want you to know. He didn't want me to know, and now things are awkward. If I told you, he would know. There is no way he wouldn't know and it could dissolve our friendship. I can't do that."

Cuddy let out a frustrated sigh, "Alright, well I'm taking him home with me tonight. I'm going to see if I can't get him to hold something down." She said as she got up then looked down at Wilson, "Have you even seen him since last Wednesday?"

Wilson shook his head, "No, I'm pretty sure he wants it that away."

Cuddy got up, "Maybe you should make the time to spare him a glance, I know he's always been lean but he looks like he's lost a lot of weight to me. I hope you figure this out soon, because I'm not sure how much longer he can hold up like this." She said and left.

Wilson ran his hands over his face as he watched her leave and close the door more roughly than needed.

House barged through her door with a face that said I'm not amused, "Motorcycle keys." He demanded.

Cuddy smiled, "Just remembered them did you? I'm not giving you your keys House, you're coming home with me tonight." She said in a commanding tone that left no room for questioning.

"Did you change your mind about those visitation rights?" House asked as he felt sweat run down his face.

Cuddy noticed the sweat and how white his knuckles were but knew better than to comment on either. "No, I didn't, but since I'm selfish and don't want to be plagued all night wondering if my best doctor is going to die, I'm taking you home."

He chuckled, "Really? So you have a tub that's got rails?"

Cuddy realized he had a point and shrugged, "Fine, I'll go to your place and stay the night."

House wanted to fight this harder, but to be honest he was starting to get worried too. He raised an eyebrow, "I've only got the one bed."

"That's good," She said getting out the keys, "I'll drive you and you can get your bike tomorrow, if you're feeling better."

When Cuddy opened the door to his place an acidic smell attacked her. "It smells horrible." She said looking around to see that the place was a mess.

House looked down, "I haven't always been able to make to the bathroom since the stomach bug." He absolutely hated admitting that his leg held him back. It made him feel even more weak and useless.

Cuddy looked at him and could see it had embarrassed him to admit that, "You sit down and I'll clean this place up first." She said walking away before he could stop her.

When she was finally done she sat down on the other end of the couch, "Well that will have to do, at least it's cleaner than it was. I talked to Wilson this afternoon."

House just stared at the blank TV, "And you're telling me this, why exactly?" he said emotionless.

"House, he told me why you two are taking some time, and I want to hear your side," Cuddy said hoping to trick him.

He scoffed, "No he didn't, believe me I'd know if he did," he said and shivered slightly.

Cuddy smiled some at how well House and Wilson seemed to know each other and looked over to him to see him giving the TV a cold stare. It worried her how House was acting. He usually would have given her a good fight about her staying with him, but he hadn't, he didn't even protest. He was avoiding eye contact, and even his voice sounded weak. She wanted to comfort him, although she didn't think he would accept it, "Wilson said that he's really working hard on this and is hoping to have this worked through by the end of the week."

"God, and you believed that didn't you? He isn't going to be my friend again. He's just trying to find a good way to say it's over so I don't end up overdosing or something." House said flatly with a deep frown and started rubbing his thigh, still not looking away from the TV.

Cuddy smiled, Wilson might think House was that weak but she knew he wasn't and shook her head, "You wouldn't do that." She said with complete confidence.

House finally turned his head toward hers and met her eyes with a slight awe, "He really didn't tell you did he?"

Cuddy was confused as she looked back at him, "I told you he didn't," she said hoping his memory wasn't started to be effected.

"No," House said shaking his head, "About... last Christmas night?"

"What happened last Christmas night?" She asked suspiciously.

He looked back at the TV and sighed deeply, "I was in a mood, and I'd gotten those wonderful oxycodones. I called my mom and took about five of them with a bottle of nice scotch. I guess I'm lucky I have a weak stomach because later that night Wilson came to check on me." He clenched his jaw some and shook his head, "I barely remember it. I was half conscious laying by a pool of vomit that was alcohol and oxycodone. I had disappointed him so much he just walked away, of course that's one of the few things I'm good at, disappointing people." House said distantly.

It suddenly felt colder in the room as Cuddy looked at House with concern, "House, what you described didn't sound like an accident."

His mind was thinking it through more, "A gag would have stopped that, then this wouldn't have happened. The whole case with Tritter would have been dropped, no purgering, no lies, no more pain. He was probably disappointed it I failed and he still had to see me."

Cuddy couldn't believe what she hearing. House had attempted suicide and sounded as if he was still considering it. She had always said her life would be easier without him, be she never really meant it. House was a great doctor and even thought they didn't always act like it she thought of them as friends. She couldn't believe that Wilson hadn't told her. She stared at him not know what to say.

"He's right, all I do is make everyone around me miserable, you should go," He said softly closing his eyes.

Cuddy swallowed, "No, House I'm not going anywhere. Have you been able to keep liquids down?"

"I'll make you miserable just like I made him, and in end you'll hate me too," House said looking at her.

"He doesn't hate you House, he's worried about you. We're all worried about you because we care about you House. The hospital needs you, me and Wilson need you," Cuddy said and gently rubbed his face.

House looked in her warm caring eyes and looked away, "Why are you being so nice to me, after all I've done to you. After what I said in the shower when you were holding that little girl."

"That hurt me House, but sometimes friends say things that hurt each other." Cuddy said looking in his eyes with worry.

"I didn't mean it, I know there is no real excuse for what I said, but I was just in so much pain. Cuddy... I'm sooo tired of the pain... it's just relentless," House said closing his eyes.

"I've said horrible things to you too, I've made jokes about your leg, I'm not innocent. I know I've said and done things to hurt you too." Cuddy said.

House didn't feel like he deserved her kind words or rationalizations for what he'd done, but it felt good to hear. He laid down on the could with his head on her lap and somehow he felt a little better. She looked down at him with scared, worried eyes as she combed his hair with her fingertips feeling his chilled skin. "Thank you," he said softly.

"For what?" She asked back.

House closed his eyes, "For being here."

Cuddy couldn't help feeling sorry for the man. She wiped the sweat off his brow with her sleeve and watched as his right hand continued to work his thigh trying to get some relief from the pain. She felt him shiver as he sweated and grabbed the blanket on the back of the couch and wrapped it over him. She knew House well enough to know he didn't let people help him, not with stuff like this and that he had to be in an excruciating amount of pain to take her help so easily.

House looked up at her with big blue eyes, "No could ever love me, could they?" He asked truthfully.

Cuddy felt the tears well up in her eyes, "That's not true House, don't say that." She said as she sniffled.

"Stacy couldn't either," House said and closed his eyes, "I'm just... unlovable."

Cuddy let the tears run out silently as he laid on her legs with closed eyes and rubbed his thigh.


	5. Chapter 5: Cuddy learns the Truth

After some time had past and she was pretty sure she had ran out of tears, "You think you could hold down a shake if I made you one?" She asked softly.

House opened his eyes, "Chocolate?" he asked with a small smile.

Cuddy let out a small laugh, "Yeah, sure I'll make it chocolate."

House nodded, "I'll give it a try," he said sitting back up. Cuddy smiled and went in the kitchen. He watched her and felt bad; she was being really nice to him and he hadn't done anything for her. House let out a guilty sigh and looked around stopping on the piano. He let a half smile grace his lips for a moment and then grabbed his cane and headed for the piano.

Cuddy looked at the old heavy duty Kitchen Aid blender sitting on the cabinet and pulled it towards her taking off the top and scooped out a huge amount of vanilla ice cream, then she rummage in the refrigerator and finally found a jar of hot fudge. She figured it would work, then she opened her purse and pulled out a multi-vitamin capsule and pulled it apart letting the contents in the mix. Then she hit the switch, the blender was loud but worked well and soon enough she had a thick chocolatey wonderful shake. She poured it in a large beer mug he had and it filled it almost to the top. She was putting the ingredients away when she spotted a can of whip cream and a jar of cherries. Cuddy grabbed them out and quickly dressed the shake, then stuffed a straw into it. She took a small sip and was happy to say it was perfect and probably had the 2000 calories a person was supposed to eat in it. She carried it out with a smile and looked on the couch, but didn't see him there. She blinked and then heard a key from the piano and looked up to see him sitting on it's bench.

"Playing usually lifts my mood, and I thought you might enjoy hearing it," He said in a shy way with sweat running down his forehead.

Cuddy beamed, "I would love to hear you play, but first you need to take some vicodin and try this delicious shake."

House nodded, "I'll just have the shake."

Cuddy gave him a confused look, "You're saying no to vicodin, why?"

House looked down, "Aren't you always the one trying to get me to cut back, why do you care if I don't want to take any."

"Because you're in a lot of pain," She answered putting the shake down on the piano with a cup holder trying to look at his face.

House glared at her, "That didn't seem to make a difference when you made that bet with me or during the Tritter case, so what's changed."

Cuddy's face became serious, "Because right before those times I'd seen you popping them like they were candy and I haven't seen you take one since Thursday morning." House didn't say anything and she thought about it, the shakes, the cold sweats, not being able to keep things down, the increased amount of pain... it all made perfect sense now. "You're detoxing," she said and grabbed his blazer off the couch getting out his bottle of vicoden and reading that it was suppose to run out four days ago. She opened it and saw the four pills that were left.

House licked his lips, "I'm just cutting back a lot."

"How many have you had today?" She asked watching him.

"One this morning," He said looking at the bottle, "I'm almost out."

"So," Cuddy said, "that's never stopped you before, you can always get more House. Hell for you one doesn't even take the edge off."

House swallowed, "No, but it makes it to were I can move with the edge, and I can't get anymore, Wilson's my prescribing doctor."

Cuddy blinked, "Then ask him for more, you don't have to put yourself through that again, House. To be honest I've never really been a fan of detoxing cold turkey it's dangerous."

"He doesn't want to see me, and I'm trying something new, called respecting his decision," House said with irritation.

"Then why didn't you ask me?" She said looking at the bottle.

House looked down again, "I didn't want to get you involved, especially after that whole Tritter incident."

"I'll call you in more pills House, people die from detoxing, you know that right," Cuddy said with worry.

"Believe me... I know... because that's how it feels," House said closing his eyes tightly.

Cuddy swallowed, "How many did you take this weekend?"

"Four, two each night to let me sleep," House said with his eyes still closed.

Cuddy couldn't believe it, it had been so obvious, but she'd never thought House would detox on his own because he loved the pills too much. Now she realized that what ever was going on between him and Wilson was more important to him than that. She put her hands on her hips as she watched him struggle with the pain, "Where's the morphine?"

House looked at her surprised, "What do you mean?"

Cuddy narrowed her eyes on him, "House, I know you've got a bottle around here just in case the pain's to bad, I use to be your doctor and I would prescribe it to you. So I'm sure there's some around here, now where is it, unless you want me going through your private things."

House licked the sweat off his top lip, "On top of the bookcase by the couch, in the wooden box. The key is in the pocket of my golf bag in the closet."

Cuddy looked around, "How am I suppose to get up there?"

"A latter in the kitchen," He said now getting anxious about the relief that was soon to come.

Cuddy wondered why he had made it so hard to reach as she worked to get the medicine and realized even he would have to use a latter to get this high, which would be hard for him. She finally decided he must have realized he had a problem with liking the drugs and decided to make it difficult in order to disway himself from using it unless it was necessary.

She finally got the box opened and saw all the things there, Cuddy filled the syringe to a good dose and walked over with an alcohol swab, "Alright down with the pants," she said.

House didn't meet her eyes, "I can do it myself."

"House I'm already ready, now just pull down your pants and let me give you the shot!" She said with frustration. He took off the belt and unbuttoned his pants then he stopped. "House, what's the hold up?" Cuddy asked eying him.

"Please just... I don't want you to see it," he said in a soft whisper.

"What are you talking about? What don't you want me to see?" Cuddy said with frustration.

House's eyes wet eyes met her wide eyes, "The scar," he said evenly.

She swallowed as she saw his lip shaking some as he tried to stay strong even though he was obviously upset. Cuddy was speechless, she never really thought it bothered him that bad. She thought about reminding him she'd seen it before, but decided against it because she could tell even the idea of it made him uncomfortable. "Okay," she said softly and handed him the needle. He took it and his eyes met hers in a silent thank you.

She turned around and heard him pull his pants down, then a couple of seconds later she heard him zipping them back up. She really did hope that this made everything better and turned around.

He handed her the empty syringe and the used alcohol pad, "Here, I have an old pickle jar under the sink I put them in."

Cuddy nodded and put the alcohol pad in the trash and the needle in the jar, when she came back she saw him massaging his thigh with a relaxed face. "Feeling better?" she asked with a smirk.

House nodded, and took a sip of her shake, "Morphine and chocolate who knew it was the perfect combo?"

Cuddy laughed, "Okay, so are you going to sit there or are you going to play something."

House smirked, "What would like to hear my angel?"

Cuddy blushed as she wondered if he was feeling a little to good, "What do you know?"

House shrugged, "I know most songs, how about I play a song and you try to name it?"

Cuddy grinned, "You love games don't you? Sure that sounds great."

House was surprised at how many songs Cuddy knew, she was fair at the classics, great at guessing the 80's ballads, and not bad at recognizing the rock songs he'd found the piano equivalent for. He smirked at her as he started playing another song.

Cuddy was sitting on the couch listening, "Oh, I don't know, I've never heard anything quiet like it. It has a certain, blues meets ballad thing about it. It's gorgeous what ever it is. Who is it?"

House smiled, "One Gregory House."

Cuddy stood up, "I didn't know you composed?"

House shrugged, "I do it for fun, I was in medical school when I wrote this number."

"What's the title?" She asked sitting beside him as he played.

"It doesn't matter," He said playing it.

"Oh, don't be that way, just tell me," Cuddy said smiling at him.

House looked at her as his fingers move, "It's pretty corny, so just remember I was young. The name is My Lovely Lisa," he said looking back at his hands.

Cuddy watched as he looked away and her smile had vanished, "What's it about?"

House closed his eyes, "You're supposed to be able to feel what its about."

"House," Cuddy said in a way that let him know she wasn't in the mood.

He opened his eyes, "It's about a man's first love." He stopped and started over, "From the first spark," he played watching her out of the corner of his eye. When the song got more intense, "To the first time making love," he said softly then the song turned floaty. "To the hope," and soon it turned panic, "to the loss of hope," and finally the song turned to low sad notes, "and last hurt... and depression." When he finished the song he stared at his hands, "I've always wanted to play this for you."

"Great, well you finally did," Cuddy said getting up and then turned back looking at him with a fire in her eye, "You know what I always wanted? I wanted an explanation of why I never heard from you again. Not a call or letter, nothing. I mean especially if I was that important to you!"

House looked at her with sad eyes, "I wanted to, really I did, but the next morning I got a call that I was being expelled." He looked down, "You... you were amazing, top of your classes," he looked back at her, "still the most beautiful girl I've seen," then looked back down, "I never really was good enough for you even thought you always seemed to let it slide. But this, I was expelled for cheating, off a guy that wasn't as smart as I was, just to prove a point. I knew you'd finally wake up and leave me if I told you." He swallowed looking down, "I just couldn't take that... I... had this feeling like... if.. if you told me it was over... I'd just..." his head shook absently, "die."

Cuddy looked at him with confusion, "House we only went on six dates, we hadn't even been seeing each other for a month." She couldn't believe House was taking this so... seriously. They had been in college, she'd never expected it to last they were just having fun, she'd just thought it was rude he hadn't called her. House didn't say anything and just turned away. "And that couldn't have been your first time, you were 25." House started to play some other songs when Cuddy walked around to face him, "House," he still ignored her, "HOUSE!" she yelled and he stopped playing. She moved her hand on the key cover and his jerked away quickly, "I wasn't going to close it... why would you think I would?"

House's face was stone cold, "It was a common practice at one time in my life."

Cuddy felt a shiver go up her spine as she saw a little boy getting his fingers crushed by the key cover. "I wasn't really your first right, I mean you were 25, and you didn't seem confused about what you were doing."

"Why does it matter to you, obviously I wasn't your first," House said bitterly.

Cuddy laughed, "House I'd dated a lot of guy's before you." She saw his face get red and had the distinct feeling she'd hurt his feelings, "I'm not saying what we did didn't matter."

He looked at her with clear eyes, "But I wasn't your first right?"

"No," She said searching his eyes.

"Then why does it matter who my first was," House said seriously.

Cuddy bit her lip softly and then put her hand on his face, "I really was the first woman you were with wasn't I." House swallowed and her eyes saddened, "Why didn't you tell me?"

House looked away, "Surprisingly 25 year old men don't go bragging about something like that."

Cuddy was amazed by his openness and walked behind him and stared running her hands on his shoulders, "It was a wonderful night House, we could talk about it," she whispered in his ear.

House got up and limped away without his cane, "That's probably not a good idea," he said letting out a deep breath. "Listen, you've been great and all, but I'm fine now and I doubt you were really looking forward to staying here." He said holding his thigh as he sat down on the couch.

Cuddy grabbed his empty glass and put it in the kitchen in a angry manner then stomped back in the living room, "I'm so sick of your games House, everyone is. Nothing is ever serious with you, peoples feeling, your health, none of it really matters at all to you, does it?"

House felt bad, he cared about her more than she could imagine, but he could tell the path that this was going to go down when she touched him and he couldn't allow that. "I'm sorry, but I need you to go."

"You're sorry," Cuddy said with contempt and pushed him in the chest. House's hand immediately went to his side. It took a minute to realize she must have hurt him. She was between being furious with him and feeling guilty, "You alright?" She said in an angry tone.

House held himself protectively watching her arms closely. "I'm sorry, it's not that I don't... want to, it's just," he sighed, "Cuddy there is no long term for us and I like what we have now, I don't want to ruin that for something I know wont work." Cuddy didn't say anything but some of the anger had left her eyes. "You're my boss, and even though I don't always say it I respect you and somehow we work together. You tone me down, when I need it, and at the same time you don't ever ask me to change how I think or my process. I don't think I could work with anyone better than I do you and if we started something it would ruin that."

Cuddy could see his point and she too didn't believe they would make it in a long term commitment but that didn't mean they couldn't have fun, "House you're acting like I was asking you to marry me."

"Nope you were just wanting a ride on the broken House, I mean horse," House said with an attitude.

Cuddy's anger returned as he tried to twist what she said to make it sound trashy, "Believe me I don't want anywhere near you now!"

"Great," House said and stood up, "You can go and see if anyone else had an opening on their staff, why don't you go and ask Wilson, he loves to keep his staff rotating." He said glaring at her.

Cuddy laughed darkly, "Oh I thought that was your position, the way you follow him around. Is that it House am I just not your type, you waiting for Wilson to finally give you a shot?"

House's face paled some as he tried to think of something to say.

"Oh my god, you have a thing for him don't you?" She said losing some of her anger for humor.

House's eyes met hers with worry as the morphine and shock was slowing up his reaction time.

Cuddy's mouth hung open in shock at the realization, "Wow, does he know."

He swallowed this was going to fast as his eyes showed fear.

It took a second for it to register with Cuddy, the fear and that vulnerability in his eyes again. He liked Wilson and Wilson knew, the beating seemed personal. Her eyes scanned the damage on his body, "He did this to you didn't he?"

House wanted to stop it, he shook his head no but couldn't make any words come out.

Cuddy's face became serious, "I'm going to kill him," she said grabbing her stuff.

"No," House finally got out, "No, you don't understand."

Cuddy was fuming and House knew his only chance at stopping her was to get to the door before she did. He hobbled as fast as he could making it there just before she did.

"Get out of my way House," She said giving him a warning push.

House didn't move, he stood as tall as he could without his cane and covered the door with his body. "No," He said with determination.

"This is my last warning House, get out of the way," Cuddy said with anger.

House swallowed, "I'm not moving, so do your worst, I can handle it. I've had lots of practice."

Cuddy felt sick all she could imagine was a small beaten boy standing in her way. His eyes were closed tight and she placed a hand on his cheek. She could feel him gritting his teeth and she let out a sigh as her anger was replaced by concern, "House I'm not going to hurt you."

House opened his eyes, "I'm not letting you out until you hear the whole story."

Cuddy nodded, "I know," she said sadly.

"I'm serious Cuddy, you'll have to cause some real damage before I get out of your way," He said watching her closely.

Her heart broke a little, she knew he was being honest and the idea he thought more of Wilson than he did his own body worried her. "Okay," She said removing her hand. "I'm going to go and sit on the couch and order a pizza, and I'm hoping you will join me and tell me what the hell is going on."

House watched her and contemplated whether or not he should go. "How do I know you wont try something?" Cuddy took her keys out of her pocket and tossed them to him. House looked at the keys and let his body relax some. He hobbled into the kitchen and got out a bottle nice wine Wilson had brought over once and two glasses. Cuddy eyed them suspiciously. "This... isn't a good story," he said somberly and opened the bottle pouring them each a glass.

Cuddy sighed, "I didn't think it was," she said and called for pizza. She was put on hold and looked at House, "What do you want?" she whispered.

House looked down and shook his head.

"House you need to eat something solid, just tell me," she said still on hold.

House looked back up at her, "I don't have much of an appetite."

Cuddy frowned, "House please eat, for me."

House sighed, "Fine."

Cuddy listened to the girl on the phone and gave her information.

"So what would you like today?" Pizza Girl.

"I'll have a large chicken, spinach, and feta and another large pepperoni." Cuddy said with a smile until she noticed House shaking his head. "If not pepperoni then what? Cuddy said.

"Do they have Chicken Parmesan?" House asked.

"Um... do you serve Chicken Parmesan?" Cuddy asked

"No, but we do have Chicken Marsala and Chicken Alfredo," Pizza Girl.

"They have Chicken Marsala and Alfredo," Cuddy said to House.

"How's the Marsala?" House asked.

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "How am I suppose to know?" "Um, sorry I was wondering how the Marsala is?"

"It's popular, and I like it." Pizza Girl.

"Tell you what, just scratch what I said first, and I'll get a large pizza with chicken, bacon, and mushrooms, and then a order of the Chicken Marsala." Cuddy said with a huff.

"Alright Ma'am, that will be $25.16 and we'll have that out to you in about 40 minutes." Pizza Girl.

"Thank you," Cuddy said and hung up the phone. She looked at House who seemed to have gotten more nervous as he was rocking while rubbing his thigh. Cuddy licked her lips, "So... umm, you're bi?"

House looked up meeting her eyes, "I like to consider myself an equal opportunity employer, but if you like labels then yes, I'm bisexual." He took a deep breath, "Starting from the beginning is probably best." Cuddy nodded and House started "The night Tritter arrested me he also violated me and beat while I was handcuffed and..."

"Whoa.. wait, what do you mean by violated and beat?" Cuddy said with urgency.

House sighed, "I mean we played house, you know where I was the hot young wife and he was the asshole husband. What do you think I mean?"

"You mean he touched you... or did it go farther?" She said in a darker tone.

House grinned darkly, "He went so deep I thought he was drilling for oil. Does that paint you a picture?" he said and took a large sip of his wine.

Cuddy closed eyes trying push away the images House's word had brought in her mind. "Are you... okay?"

House rolled his eyes, "I'm fine, that's not even the point of the story."

She looked at him with stunned eyes, "It's important House, most people consider being raped as important."

"Yeah well it wasn't my first time, so." House shrugged as if it was nothing.

Cuddy grabbed her glass with a shaky hand and took a long sip, "How many times have you been... how many other times?"

House looked at her with cold eyes, "It depends are we talking individuals or incidents. Like a gangbang would that be four times or one time? And if someone does it mulitple times, because I'm that good, is that one individual or does each incidents stand on it's own? The math tricks me up."

His bluntness about the situation scared her, "However you want."

"Two gangbangs before age of eighteen 5 in one group 4 in the other, Vogler did it twice and Tritter, well he really liked me, he did the deed 14 times. Now can we move on." House said with a stone face.

Cuddy didn't know if she could handle anymore, "Yes please, lets."

House's eyes softened slightly at seeing her shaken up, "Anyway, Tritter found out I had feelings for Wilson, from what I said in a dream and blackmailed me with telling Wilson to keep me from fighting to hard on the case and to have rights to fuck and beat me. I agreed."

"Oh yes, because it sounds so reasonable," Cuddy said with a tremor in her voice.

House narrowed his eyes on her, "Wilson patted me on the back Tuesday night and discovered the bruises. He pushed it until I told him what was going on. I had to tell him I loved him five times before it hit him that it was more than as a friend. He told me he'd take care of Tritter and that he cared about me." He looked down for the first time in the talk, "It's been a long time since someone said that... I guess I took it the wrong way. I... kissed him and he started punching over and over again. He said he was sorry, that he'd just freaked out, then started asking me why I had agreed to Tritters arrangement and I told him it was because I was afraid of losing him as a friend. He started to leave and I grabbed at his leg to try to stop him so we could talk and he... kicked a couple of times." House said looking back at her, "He just stood there with a shocked look watching me, and finally I told him that I though he should leave and he did."

Cuddy drained her glass of wine and poured herself another one and House followed suit.

"Did Wilson talk to Tritter?" Cuddy asked tartly.

House shrugged, "I'm not sure, I haven't talked to him, but Tritter hasn't been coming over so I'm pretty sure he did."

Cuddy gave an obviously fake smile, "Well wasn't that nice of him, it completely makes up for him beating you."

The door bell rang and House jumped up staring at the door.

"We ordered pizza House," Cuddy said as she got up and started towards the door.

"Tritter rings the bell, check before you open the door," he said grabbing his cane.

Cuddy walked over to the door and looked though the peep hole. She let out a sigh, "It's the pizza place," she opened the door and gave the guy thirty and told him to keep the change. Then she took the food and put it on the coffee table and House joined her with two plates and forks.

Cuddy fixed him a plate with a slice of pizza and some of the Chicken Marsala, "Here," she said handing it to him. He took the plate and put it down on his side of the coffee table and Cuddy fixed her own plate. She took a bite of the pizza and looked over to see him just looking at his. "You need to eat, when's the last time you ate solid food and kept it down?"

House shrugged, "A couple of days, I think Tuesday." He grabbed the slice of pizza and took a bite and then another. It wasn't long before his slice was gone.

She smirked, "Did you like that?"

He took a sip of the wine, "I forgot how much I liked to eat." They both enjoyed the silence as they ate and when they were done they leaned back into the couch and sipped the wine.

"Your face, that was Wilson, wasn't it?" Cuddy said watching him.

"Yes, but it was my fault I.. I kissed him," House said staring at his hands.

Cuddy gritted her teeth, "He beat you, House. He didn't just push you away. How about the hematomas, was that Wilson too and the cracked ribs?"

House frowned, "They healed, I'm fine, why does it matter?"

She stood up and took the plates in the kitchen, then sat back down on the couch, "It matters because you matter House and any sane person wouldn't want anything more to do with Wilson friendship or more."

House stared into his wine, "He was just as scared as I was about what happened, and he isn't just a friend, he's my only friend."

"I'm your friend," Cuddy said with a slight pout.

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, "And when was the last time you came over to hangout?"

Cuddy sighed, "Okay, maybe I'm a bad friend, but we could do stuff together."

House snorted as he chuckled, "Yeah and that's right where it would lead. We have a sexual past and chemistry, it would be fun, passionate and too hot for tv, and then it would turn angry, bitter, and we'd hate each other."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "I think I could keep my hands off of you House."

He grinned evilly at her, "Oh really, and this comes from the woman who was trying to seduce me two hours ago."

She scoffed, "House believe me you aren't as good as you think you are."

His eyes lit up with the challenge, "We'll see," he said and grabbed her waist laying her on her back with him above her. He could see the surprise in her eyes and the blushing of her cheeks he lowered his mouth to where theirs barely touched. "Just admit I'm right now and I'll stop," his eyes were challenging hers.

Cuddy swallowed, "I thought I wasn't your type?"

House took a deep breath of her perfume and his eyes dialated more, "You were my first, you'll always be my type."

His words touched her heart and she was about to say he was right when his lips kissed hers. It started off slow and soft and silky, but before she knew it she was pulling at his shirt and pants and he was grinding against her as she sucked his neck. House stopped and tried to pull back, "We should stop," he said panting.

Cuddy pulled at his pants and slipped one hand down, "You don't really want to stop," she said stroking his hard cock.

House let out a small moan, "Oh... please... please stop before this goes any farther."

She pulled on his right side and he fell off the couch and onto the ground and she was on top of him. "Stop trying to fighting what we both want," she said and stared taking off his buckle.

House held her hands, "I said no... you just plan on taking if from me like the others."

Cuddy pulled away from him with watery eyes, but he didn't let go he sat up and wrapped his arms around her. He felt her push against him as she cried.

"I'm sorry..." House choked out as he pushed back tears, he hadn't meant to hurt her feeling or make her feel bad. "I'm so sorry... I just wanted you to see how easy it would be for us to get swept away." House swallowed and held her closer, "Please don't cry... I'm sorry." Cuddy pulled back harder and his arms held her tighter, "Please don't leave... you're all I have," House said as his voice broke.

"I can't breath," Cuddy finally got out and House loosened his grip. She pulled back and took some deep breaths and was surprised when she felt a hand on her face she looked at House as he thumbed away her tears with watery eyes, "I'm sorry..." He whispered to her.

And it was in that moment that Cuddy realized House was right. They would destroy each other, it would be beautiful and tragic and in the end they would be a mess. "It's okay, you were right. I wouldn't have seen it any other way." She bit her lip as she looked in his tear filled eyes, "Don't you dare let a singe tear fall, because if you do I'm going to start crying again." House looked at the ceiling as he tried to pull back the tears. "I swear if you cry I'm going to give you thirty more hours in the clinic," Cuddy said.

House started laughing, "And now it's effecting our work, surprise, surprise," he said finally looking back at her with clearer eyes.

Cuddy laughed and watched him then sighed, "Why did you have to be right about this?"

House's smile faded, "I didn't want to be."

Cuddy pouted, "But you were. Why are you always right?"

House thought about it for a second and gave a half smile, "Probably because I over think everything."

Cuddy chuckled, "That's probably it." They just sat there for a moment and then Cuddy started to get up and House leaned back bracing himself with his left arm. She looked down and him expectantly and then saw him grimace. Cuddy looked down and realized she'd been sitting the whole time on his damaged leg. "Oh my god, House I'm sorry about your leg."

House leaned back a little more, "Well your ass is big but it isn't my leg." His elbow buckled and he grabbed at the couch with his right hand and pulled himself back up into a sitting position. "Grab a trash can." He said as he felt his stomach lurch.

She had a trash can in no time and he hugged it, two seconds later he was vomiting up all that he had eaten. Cuddy walked around him and rubbed his back as it continued. She frowned as she saw blood in his vomit again. When he was done she could feel him shaking some. "You want to get up, or rest here a minute."

House struggled to get up when he felt a pair of hands wrap around him and he was surprised to see Cuddy helping him.

"I hate you, just so you know," She said with a smile.

House gave a small pained smile, "That's not what you were saying an hour ago."

"Shut up House," Cuddy said back smiling bigger.


	6. Chapter 6: I want to give this a shot

Tuesday -

House woke up to his thigh aching as usually but as he moved it right hand down he felt an arm laying over his belly. He's eyes snapped open and he looked to his left to see Cuddy snuggled up to him. It took his brain a second but soon he remembered that she had stayed the night to make sure he was okay. He looked at her dark hair and her face cradled on his shoulder. His eyes traveled farther down to see that she was wearing one of his button up shirts and from the looks of it without a bra. He swallowed as he felt his morning wood shiver with excitement, as if rejoicing that this would finally be the day that House would make good use of him. House moved slightly and could feel her left leg was over his as his clothed cock brushed slightly against her knee. He looked up as he tried to think of a way out of this and let out a deep breath. He looked back at her, "You have no idea how evil you are," he whispered to her. Then he gently scooted from her just a inch at a time until he was free of her body.

House put his right hand under his right leg and slowly lifted it off the bed then sat up letting his left leg hang off the bed too as he sat. He looked at his end-table to see his bottle of vicodin and opened it up seeing the last two. He took them both and dry swallowed them since Cuddy had promised to get him more. He massaged his leg for a minute or two and then tried putting his foot down. He hissed as a shock of pain shot up through his leg that seemed to be worse than usual, and people wondered why he wasn't a morning person, he thought bitterly. He tried again and another wave of pain hit him but it was slightly more mild, more around the norm. He put down his left foot and gently stood up with clinched teeth. He stood there for a moment getting use to the pain and calming down and then grabbed the cane so he could walk slowly to the bathroom. He took a long soak in the hot water and got dressed, hoping Cuddy wouldn't wake up and see him standing there naked or half dressed. Then went out into the living room to work his leg out.

Cuddy could feel herself waking up but refused to open her eyes as she shifted in the bed and then noticed something, this didn't smell like her place. Her eyes popped open and she looked around confused, especially when she saw the light blue mens shirt she was wearing. She jumped out of the bed and then she started remembering. Her heart rate went down and she made her way over to the clock. It was only six thirty and she let out a relieved sigh then grabbed her cell phone off the end table and turned off the alarm that was supposed to go off in fifteen minutes. She looked at the bed with a frown as she wondered where he had gone to. Cuddy stretched and figured he was in the bathroom since the door was closed and opened the door to the rest of the apartment. She stopped as she saw him clothed walking around the couch, he stopped to rub the muscle and grimaced as he tried to stretch it. Cuddy winced when he hissed and started again. She now knew why Wilson had always had such a bleeding heart for him and why even though he preached about House needing to get clean, he still wrote the man a prescription whenever he asked. Her mind thought about Wilson and what he'd done and her anger started to rise.

"Hello, earth calling Dr. Cuddy," House said standing in front of her.

Cuddy jumped back and looked at him, "Don't sneak up on me like that," she barked.

House smiled, "I walked right in front of you. It's not my fault my zesty body had you daydreaming about me. I honestly thought you would be good after all the moaning you did in your sleep about me." He grinned, "Oh... oh yes... it's so big House! More.. oh god yes... faster... right there..."

Cuddy pushed him in his chest with a good amount of force and House stopped and pouted, "You think you could learn not to push on my cracked ribs or is that asking too much."

Cuddy glared at him with a smile, "Don't worry next time I'll go for the head," she snapped.

He smirked, "Wilson beat you too it." Cuddy's face went flat. "Geez, Cuddy lighten up, it was meant to be a joke."

"Well it wasn't funny," She said with a frown then pushed her hair out of her face, "What time did you get up?"

He yawned as his stomach rumbled, "Around four."

Cuddy was perplexed, "You always get up that early?"

"Yep," House said and limped in the kitchen since he didn't wish to elaborate on why.

Cuddy followed to see him lean against the cabinets and rub his thigh, "Yet you are always late to work."

House smirked at her, "Yet I'm always late to work."

After lunch Cuddy decided she had put it off as long as she could manage and marched into Wilson's office without so much as a knock.

Wilson looked up at her as she closed the door and stared him down. "Wow, you really have that nailed, now if you can make a joke about my tie you'll have it down."

Cuddy smiled, "What did Tritter say?"

Wilson's face went pale, "He... he told you?"

"Nooo, I just thought you and Detective Tritter where friends," She said sarcastically with electric eyes.

Wilson couldn't believe how much she was reminding him of House as he stared at her unable to speak.

"I asked you a question Dr. Wilson," Cuddy said sharply.

Wilson swallowed, "He said he wouldn't bother House anymore." He felt so ashamed he looked down, "I didn't mean too, I really am..."

"Don't you fucking say it," Cuddy spat her chest heaving as she took deep breaths, "I don't want to hear you say you're sorry."

"But..." Wilson started but was cut off again my Cuddy.

"How could you... after... after what he put himself thought to keep this a secret and save your friendship!" She yelled.

Wilson closed his eyes and looked back at Cuddy, "Cuddy I..."

"I don't want to hear it! HE let himself be raped... time.. after... time, all because he valued your friendship more than his own body." She said with tears in her eyes.

Wilson's eyes began to water too and walked around to comfort her.

"Don't touch me!" Cuddy said a she moved away from him. "You beat him... you didn't just give him a shove or say you weren't interested, you fucking beat him."

Wilson sat down in one of his chairs as tears ran down his face, "I swear it was an accident."

"How do you accidently beat the someone like that? And let's just say for a second I believe you, which I'm not sure I do, why would just push him out of your live, when you know that will only hurt him more?" She said then backed up to the couch and sat down.

"I BLACKED OUT! I didn't even know what I was doing until it was already done." Wilson said looking at her with tears still streaming down his face. "You think it's been easy on me to have to stay away from my best friend because I'm afraid I'll hurt him. We're both hurting here."

"He's the one with bruises who can't keep down food and it's your fault," Cuddy said feeling some of her anger dissipate.

Wilson sniffled, "I know, and that's why I can't be around him. I needed to talk to my psychiatrist and work thought why I had the blackouts and how to stop them from happening."

"It's pretty obvious why, you're homophobic," Cuddy said with spite.

Wilson swallowed, "Yes, I had some deep seeded issues with gay men that I didn't even know about, but I'm working thought those."

"You better be because I'm not going to have a homophobic person on my staff!" She snapped back although she really did feel like Wilson felt bad enough about what had happened that it wouldn't happen again.

He nodded, "I never meant to hurt him... I've been sick with myself about it and I'm getting help."

"He was detoxing just so he didn't have to bother you," Cuddy said to both keep her end about keeping him informed and to also let him know how much he meant to House.

Wilson looked in her eyes, "What? Why didn't he ask me or another doctor to write him a prescription?"

She swallowed, "Because he knew no one else would write him one after what happened with Tritter, and you had said you didn't want to see him."

Wilson's face was now dry and his rubbed his hands over it, "Is that what was causing the vomiting?" He said hoping that House was at least able to keep food down now.

Cuddy frowned, "No, he's still throwing up whatever he eats and there's still blood in it."

"My doctor thinks that it'll be safe for me to be around House after this next visit tomorrow," Wilson said and sighed, "he can't keep going like this."

Cuddy looked at him with dead serious eyes, "No, he can't, and as much as I wish it wasn't true, he needs you in his life Wilson."

Wilson looked at her with scared eyes, "I don't know what to say to him about what happened."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes, "Tell him the truth, and Wilson, if he has so much as a scratch on him Thursday morning I'll call the police on you. I get that you have some issues and I'm sure blacking out was scary, but that doesn't excuse your actions and I'm not going to stand by if you hurt him again." She got up to go and Wilson stood up quickly.

"Do you think we could work, House and me, as a couple?" Wilson asked anxiously.

Cuddy turned around and looked at him with surprise, of all the things she had thought he would say, that hadn't even been on the list, "Do you even like him like that?"

"I don't know, I care about him... but I've never really tried anything like that. I mean how can you say you won't like something you've never tried. I think he's an attractive man... but... I just don't know." Wilson rambled.

"Wilson you can't play with him. If you do, you'll only make this worse than it is. He loves you, I mean really loves you and he's proved that by what he put up with just to keep you and him on good terms. If you're not sure, you need to talk to him about that and don't push it. You hurt him so bad Wilson without trying, I don't want you to do that again, and I'm not talking physically this time." Cuddy said watching him intently.

Wilson closed his eyes, "I know, after I left... I looked back in the window to see if he was okay, and he was sobbing. I've never seen him really cry before then, and the last thing I want to do is hurt him."

Cuddy licked her lip and lowered her voice, Wilson needed to exactly how bad he'd hurt House emotionally before he started on a path that could leave House even more broken. "He told me about last Christmas."

"That must have been on hell of talk, did he say it was an accident?" Wilson asked with concern and a slight jealously at the idea that House was talking to Cuddy about things he hadn't even talked to him about.

Cuddy felt a cold chill and wrapped her arms around her. "No, he seemed more concerned with how he could have made it work and... how things would be better if had. He said that he thinks you were disappointed because he failed at..." She shook her head, she still couldn't said it. "He thinks he's unlovable."

Wilson's chin shook some, "So, it wasn't... he was actually trying to..." he hit his desk hard with his hand. "Of course he was! Why not? Tritter was... he was... and I just turned on him."

Cuddy swallowed and put her hand on his shoulder in a comforting way, "None of us knew, if we had there's noway we would have handled it like we did."

Wilson looked at her with worried eyes, "Did you ever ask him why he left Tritter in the room with a thermometer in him?"

"No," Cuddy said.

"Neither did I," He said and swallowed, "How did I not ask? House says cruel things, but he doesn't take things to physical level... unless the other person does first. Tritter did something to him, he had to have."

Cuddy frowned as she thought about it, "But... he would have said something right?"

"If that theory was true he would have told at least you about the deal he had with Tritter," Wilson said.

Wednesday -

The next day Cuddy found out that House had slept in his office again but at least he hadn't gotten drunk. He fainted during his DDX, but when he regained consciousness he refused to be admitted so Cuddy got him a chocolate shake and once again put vitamins in it. House held it down for two hours before he threw up once again with blood. She hoped that he had taken in enough of it to help and she drove him home at 2:00. She was barely able to get him to the couch before they both gave out.

Cuddy went to his room and grabbed his pajamas, pillow, and comforter, then grabbed a rag out of the bathroom. House's eyes were closed as he laid on his left side taking slow deep breaths. She started taking off his shoes.

"What are you doing?" He asked weakly.

Cuddy continued taking off his shirt, "I'm getting you into some sleep cloths," she answered as if it was the norm.

House looked at her with slow moving eyes, "My scar.."

Cuddy was already unbuckling his pants, "I did the surgery House, I've seen it before, it's okay."

House's cold hand grabbed her's loosely, "You don't... have.."

"I know, just relax Greg, it's okay," Cuddy said softly and pulled his pants off gently. She saw his hand slowly cover the scar and moved it easily away and started massaging it. He groaned low and deep. "I can't tell if this is helping or hurting you."

House closed his eyes, "It's... helping..."

Cuddy rubbed it for a good twenty minutes then pulled on his pajama pants to which he lifted his bottom up for her. Then she got him to lean forward and put on a clean soft tee.

House shiver, "It's cold..." he said and was answered by his big comforter being laid over him, then being tucked in. He heard her go to the hall and then come back to him.

"I turned the heater on," She said putting a wet rag on his forehead, "I'll be right back." Cuddy ran outside and grabbed metal pole from her trunk and a bag. She came back in and adjusted the pole and hung a IV with a Saline and Banana bag from it. She cleaned his hand with alcohol and put in the needle then attached the tubing. House just watched her. "Hopefully this will get you feeling better."

House leaned back without a word and she filled a gallon container with water and put it on the coffee table along with a cold glass of water. She fished in his pants pockets and pulled out the bottle of vicodin she had gotten for him and took out two, "Open up," she said and then placed the pills in his mouth. House swallowed them and then took a sip of the water. She went rummaging through his place and when he opened his eyes again she was rubbing his hair and he saw his old wheelchair sitting within reach. He looked at her with a sad expression. Cuddy swallowed, "I don't want you walking right now, if you need to go to the restroom or something use this okay. Wilson's suppose to stop by tonight and talk to you. House promise me you wont do anything stupid like... like Christmas. I need you, Wilson needs you, your patients need you and your team. Please promise me you'll use the wheelchair and you wont hurt yourself."

House shook a little and looked back at the wheelchair, "Okay, only this once though."

Cuddy bent down and kissed his sweaty forehead the put the rag back on. She put his phone beside him. "I have to go, important meeting but, if you need me you call and I'll be here. Okay?"

House's eyes were closed again as he nodded a little.

Cuddy called her phone with his and then hung up. "I'll be first on redial, I'm serious House if you need me call."

"Thanks..." House mumbled softly and then he seemed to be asleep. Cuddy left without locking the door just in case he needed her and couldn't get to the door.

House woke up to knocking and groaned and turned on a lamp in his dark apartment. He glared at the wheelchair but still got in it, even though it was a struggle then took two Vicodin. The knocking came again as if to remind him why he was sitting in the wheelchair to begin with. House realized he probably looked horrible but didn't really care as he rolled up to the door pulling his IV with him and opened it.

Wilson was anxious as he heard the door open looking up for his friends face, and then looked down seeing House in the wheelchair with an IV attached.

House waited for Wilson to say something, anything really but he just stood there looking at him. House started to push the door closed and Wilson's hand stopped it. "You can't keep going like this," Wilson said gently looking at House.

House let go of the door and turned around rolling himself back to the couch.

Wilson took timid steps inside and closed the door. He noticed it was dark except for a lamp and that it was uncomfortably warm. He took off his jacket putting it over an umbrella holder that was full of canes. He walked on the other side of the couch and put a twelve pack on the table.

House turned on the TV still sitting in the wheelchair.

"House... we need to talk," Wilson said watching him.

House still didn't look away from the TV, "Oh yes, because that went so well last time."

"We can't just pretend this didn't happen," Wilson said moving some of the comforter to sit on the couch.

"You mean you can't, I'm fine with pretending," House said watching the TV.

Wilson let out a frustrated sigh, "Fine, you're right House I can't. I can't pretend that I didn't hear what I heard and that I didn't do what I did."

House rolled his eyes, finally looking at Wilson, "It wasn't a big deal, so just drop it."

Wilson looked at House, "Oh yes I can tell just by looking at you that this wasn't a big deal."

House looked away, "I have a stomach virus."

"Right, did I mention I'm the king of England?" Wilson retorted.

House smirked, "Well it's fitting, since right now you're being a Royal pain in the ass."

Wilson had to try not to laugh, "House," he said softly.

"Wilson," House said softly back with a smile.

"House." Wilson said sharply.

"Wilson." House said sharply back.

"House this is serious." Wilson said getting frustrated.

"Really because I thought it was a game, kind of like Marco Polo, except without a point. I actually thought it was stupid, but it would have been rude to point that out." House quipped.

"You being rude, it's hard to imagine such a world," Wilson teased.

House smiled and sighed, "So, are those just for looks?" he said looking at the beer.

Wilson blushed slightly, "I thought you would like them better than roses."

House hung his head and shook it, "Wilson, you do know that me being bi doesn't mean I grew a vagina, right. You don't suddenly have to buy me gifts after we've had a fight."

Wilson shrugged, "Fine if you don't want them I'll keep them."

House grabbed out a beer and smiled he still felt like crap all around but somehow just having Wilson there seemed to make it better. "Alcohol... hmm, is this some play to get me drunk and take advantage of me, because if it is (House wagged his eyebrow) it takes a lot more than this to get me drunk."

Wilson laughed, "Yeah House I remember Mexico."

"Mexico didn't have shit on the Keys," House answered.

"I wouldn't know I hardly remember the Keys, to be honest I'm surprised I survived the Keys." Wilson said rubbing his head.

House opened his bottle of beer and lifted up in a toasting manner, "To good times," he said and Wilson followed suit.

Wilson took a sip of beer and notice House's bottle of vicodin, "You could have told me about the vicodin. I would have given you a prescription."

House shrugged, "You know me, if I'd gotten desperate enough I would have."

Wilson sighed, "I should have noticed that you prescription was about out, and after what I did, you were in more pain. I'm sorry, I blacked out, but I've talked to someone and I think I've worked through it."

"It wasn't that bad, I've had worse so lets just leave it alone." House said and rubbed his thigh nervously then look back at the TV.

"Are you taking anything for your ulcers?" Wilson asked.

"I was but I ran out," House not looking back.

"Of course," Wilson sighed, "here." He said putting a bottle of pills on the coffee table.

House looked over and picked up the pills, then took two and chugged his beer. They sat there in an awkward silence. House hoping to avoid talking about how he felt about Wilson, and Wilson trying to think of a way to bring it up.

"So, you think I'm sexy?" Wilson finally said with smile.

House narrowed his eyes, "You're alright, I'd still pick Angelina Jolie over you in a heartbeat, but for a guy you're good."

Wilson had a goofy smile on, "Better than Chase?"

House grimaced, "Let's get one thing straight, I like men to look like men, and women to look like women. Chase is too 'oh my god,'" House said in a feminine voice.

Wilson laughed a little, "Okay, how about Foreman?"

House thought about it, "Better, but he's a major downer."

"And you're just a ray of sunshine," Wilson retorted.

House smiled, "At least I know how to have fun."

"Touche," Wilson said looking at House for a minute as he thought about what to say. "I want to give this a shot," he ended up blurting out quickly.

House gave Wilson a confused glance, "Isn't that what we're doing, giving our friendship another shot?"

"Us, as something more," Wilson said with a blushed face, "you know what I mean."

House smiled back with narrowed eyes, "First of all, I never said I was interested in a relationship with you other than friends, and second if you can't say it then I'm pretty sure you aren't ready for it."

"But you kissed me," Wilson said confused.

"And that was a mistake, obviously," House said then looked down, "If I had wanted you to know, I would have told you without you threatening to talk to Tritter."

Wilson thought about it for a moment, "But, I know now," he said more confused.

"So," House said looking up at him.

"So... so... House I thought you wanted this. You said you loved me... did.. is it because of what I did?" Wilson asked between sad and frustrated.

House looked irritated, "No! That doesn't have anything to do with it." His eyes became serious, "If I did this it would have to be serious, I'm not going to risk this friendship that works for some fling."

Wilson looked down, "What makes you think I'm not serious?"

"You can't look at me, that says something," House said and watched as Wilson met his eyes, "And... Wilson you couldn't even keep it in your pant's while you were married. I'm not saying that makes you a bad person, just not someone I want to be a sexual relationship with."

Wilson looked away with hurt and anger, "So, now I'm not good enough for you."

House sighed, "I told you we shouldn't talk," he said looking back at the TV. The both sat in silence of a minute or two, "the thing I liked the most about you was I could be honest with you." Wilson glared forward as House turned and looked at him, "Don't act mad, you didn't want this, it's just you trying to make me happy. I'm happy just being friends."

"No your not! You're not HAPPY House, and you haven't been HAPPY since before the leg. You're content on good days, miserable on bad ones." Wilson said bitterly and then laughed, "All I have been thinking about since that night was what you said. It makes sense, you and me, we balance each other, have fun, all that was missing was sex. I should have known you'd chicken out."

House's face flushed with anger, "You're the one that walked away Wilson not me!" He roughly took out the IV and started rolling away.

"Who's walking away now!" Wilson snapped standing up.

"I'm not WALKING anywhere, I'm just going to the restroom in my own home. I didn't know I needed your fucking permission." House said glaring at Wilson.

Wilson was still angry but sat down without a word. His anger seemed to leave him as time passed. He was about to get up and check on House when he House finally came out of the bathroom.

House turned out the light and rolled slowly back in. His whole body was so tired and he felt dizzy from just moving from the wheelchair to the toilet to the wheelchair again. He stopped to take a break, he just needed to close his eyes for a second... that was all.

Wilson had been watching and when he saw House's body go limp he got up. "House," he called and then again but he didn't get a response. Wilson turned on the light and for the first time saw how pale, thin and worn his friend was. He grabbed his wrist and looked at his watch. House's pulse was dangerously low. He let go and grabbed the gallon of water on the table and poured it on House, he didn't budge. Wilson pulled his hanging head up by his hair and saw blood on the corner of his mouth.

Wilson grabbed his cellphone and called Cuddy.

"Wilson, what is it?" Cuddy said with irritation.

"Are you still at the hospital?" Wilson asked nervously.

"Yes, but I was just about to leave so what's this about?" She ask cautiously.

"House passed out, I've tried yelling, pouring water on him, and there's blood in his mouth, his pulse is low... he's pale and cold and... and.." Wilson ranted.

"Calm down Wilson, you're at his place?" Cuddy asked now putting her stuff back down and locking her office.

"Yeah, he's soo cold and thin, when did he get so thin?" He said still ranting.

"Wilson I'm going to ride in the ambulance, alright just make sure his still breathing when we get there." Cuddy said trying to sound calm as she jumped into the ambulance.

Wilson closed his eyes, "You were right... you told me... you said that if I didn't work through this quickly I might not have a friend to worry about... and now... now.."

"Snap out of it Wilson, this isn't the end. We're doctors, do what you can. Check his pulse and breathing, he needs you right now. We haven't lost this yet." she said.

He grabbed House's wrist again, "It's barely palpable, and it's dropping, it was at 48 and now it's 36."

"Wilson I can see House's building, we are going to be there in less than a minute," Cuddy said.

"We were arguing and he said he just needed to go to the rest room... he was in there so long... I should have checked, but I didn't want to make things worse, and when he came out... he just passed out." Wilson said staring at House, he heard the sound of a loud door opening and then the phone being hung up.

"It's going to be okay House, we have to get through this," He said holding House's hand.

Cuddy busted through the door with two EMT's behind her. "Wilson get out of their way and let them do their jobs."

Wilson let go of House's hand and stood by her as they both watched.


	7. Chapter 7: I'll be in pain for you

The first thing House was aware of was that the place he was in smelled like the hospital. House swallowed noting the dry mouth and slowly his right fingers crept down his leg to... well make sure it was still there. He had always been plagued by dreams where he woke up to find it gone.

"It's still there," said a soft tired voice.

House opened his eyes to see Wilson sitting in a chair facing him, "Tumors?" House asked.

Wilson's eyes widened, "How did you know?"

"Started figuring it out in the bathroom, did they get them all?" He asked then coughed.

Wilson handed him a glass of water, "Yeah, there were three of them, they also tested them."

House smirked, "They're benign."

Wilson smiled, "Now how could you possibly know that?"

House shrugged, "You wouldn't have lead with it otherwise, you like to keep at least the first five minutes as pleasant as possible."

Wilson smiled, "Is that one of the things you love about me?"

House narrowed his eyes, "Tell me, what's the bad news?"

Wilson frowned, "Have it your way, you've lost 35 pounds and of course a lot of that was muscle. It's why you've been having a harder time walking."

House scoffed, "You mean I either have to gain muscle by working a muscle that hurts like hell, or... it might get too painful to walk on and damn me to a wheelchair permanently."

"Something like that," Wilson said flatly.

"How long do they want to keep me?" House said with a sigh.

Wilson could tell by the way House had phrased the question he wasn't going to stay the full length, "Tomorrow after noon and Cuddy said she's not letting you come back to work until two Monday's from now."

House pushed the buttons on the bed adjusting it so he was sitting up more, "So, were about to leave then."

Wilson sighed, "House, you just had surgery, you need to rest."

"I can rest better at home," House countered.

"House am I really going to have to go to Ativan and Haldol?" Wilson asked.

House narrowed his eyes on Wilson, "You wouldn't dare."

"Actually I would," Wilson said with a smile.

House frowned, "Okay fine, we'll leave tomorrow morning, say eight?"

Wilson rubbed his eyes, "I know I'm going to regret asking, but what's the difference between tomorrow morning and afternoon."

"There are actually three differences, they are Foreman, Chase, and Cameron." House said with a smile.

Wilson raised an eyebrow, "I still don't see the problem."

House rolled his eyes and started explaining as if talking to a stupid child. "Well see Cameron won't leave my room after she finds out, and then Chase will be pissy because his girl still has the hots for me. I mean really who can blame her, but it's still rude. Foreman will be mad at both of them and in turn me because he'll know it's all because I'm sick. It'll leave him to do the brunt work on the case and … he isn't that good, so the patient will probably die and then..."

"Okay, okay I get it, the worlds going to end if you don't leave tomorrow morning. I'll pick you up at 7:30." Wilson said standing to leave.

House smiled, "I'm glad you see it my way."

"Yes, it has nothing to do with not wanting to hear you bitch," Wilson said and started walking off, "Try and be good House, just till morning. I know it's asking a lot, but try."

"Little old me, whatever could I do to stir trouble," House said with an innocent smile.

Wilson was at the door and looked back at House letting out a heavy sigh, "Just behave House," he said pleadingly.

As soon as the door close House laid against the bed, he didn't really plan on causing any problems for two reasons, one he didn't want to draw attention to himself being hospitalized again, and he was tired... scratch that, exhausted. He started thinking about the real problem at hand, he need to gain muscle and especially on this right thigh.

"You aren't resting," said a soft voice, House looked up to see that Cuddy had slipped into the room, "Why am I not surprised? So what's got your mind going?" Cuddy asked as she walked over to the chair Wilson had been occupying.

"You in a Catholic school girl uniform," House said with a smirk.

"I'm not Catholic House," She said with a smile.

House's smiled, "I know it's so wrong, yet so right."

Cuddy rolled her eyes but her smile said she was amused, "Really, what were you thinking about?"

House's smiled dropped, "Nothing important, did Wilson tell you I was here or do you have the nurses page you every time I'm admitted?"

"Wilson called, I rode in the ambulance to your apartment. I'm guessing he told you about the tumors?" Cuddy said leaning over to straighten the covers on him.

House watched her and swallowed, "I was wrong, you'd make a great mother."

Cuddy looked up with surprise and hope in her eyes.

"He didn't have to tell me, I figured it out when I was in the bathroom." House said looking away.

She bit her lip, she wanted to thank him for what he said, but could tell he didn't want a big deal made of it. Cuddy sighed, "You're an idiot. You had to have been in a lot of pain, and you never mentioned it."

"I'm always in a lot of pain, and it wasn't as bad as my leg, which everyone gets sick of me mentioning so what was the point." House said flatly.

"We might have figured out it was tumors before you lost so much weight, the pain had to have been going on for a long time now, as big as they were. And House it isn't that we don't care about you're leg, it's just... there isn't anything we can do to fix it. When you talk about it, it makes us all feel worried and helpless." Cuddy said putting a hand on top of his.

House looked away with a set jaw, "How insensitive of me not to think about how my pain might make you all feel. I guess everyone will be happy if I just end up going to the wheelchair right? I'd be in less pain and no one would have to hear me, win, win."

Cuddy swallowed, "No, I don't want you in a wheelchair, and I know you don't want to be in one either. I never wanted you to be in constant pain, but that's what happened. You'll figure out a way to get the muscle back House, I know you."

"And if I don't," He said looking at her with worried eyes.

"If you don't then... I'll buy you the best wheelchair money can buy and even pay for a custom paint job on it." Cuddy said with a sad smile.

House nodded, "I was actually thinking... if I couldn't gain the muscle back in a year... maybe you would," House took a deep breath, "amputate. I know the prosthetic for that high of amputation suck, but... I mean they could get better right? And I'd be able to walk, even it if wasn't smooth, I wouldn't be stuck in wheelchair for the rest of my life. Maybe I could develop a better prosthetic if I took the time or..."

Cuddy squeezed his hand and he stopped talking looking at her, "You'll gain the muscle back House, but if you don't and you want me to, I'll amputate, but don't worry about that unless we get there."

"Yeah, that's easy to do," He said sarcasticly, "So what all did you and Wilson talk about?"

Cuddy smirked, "Are you afraid I told him something or he told me something?"

House narrowed his eyes on her, "Did you tell him about my backpack?"

"No," Cuddy said quickly as her eyes saddened.

"Then you have nothing to be afraid of, I was just wondering if Wilson told you about our talk." House said relaxing some.

Cuddy tried to think, "He didn't say much, said he came to see you and that before you went to the restroom you two had been arguing. Why?"

"Wilson's an idiot," House said flatly.

"Usually I would scold you for saying that, but lately he's deserved it," Cuddy said, "What did he do?"

House looked irritated, "He thinks we should date, that's what the argument was about."

"I thought that's what you wanted?" Cuddy asked confused.

"Where did you get that idea? I never said I wanted to date him, I said I love him." House said hotly.

"Well MOST people want to DATE the people they LOVE." Cuddy said condescendingly.

House scoffed, "When did you start thinking I was MOST people? Wilson cheats... all of his marriages he cheated, even when I was warning him. Not to mention he ratted me out to the cops, then decided I wasn't good enough to be friends with, so I know he can walk away. He's fine with walking away, just like he did after he found out." He looked at her and smiled, "And he called me chicken for not giving it a shot, but he's the one that left first."

Cuddy thought about what he'd said and sighed, "He's right, House, you are chicken. You're afraid he's going to hurt you... but it's not unreasonable, he's given you lots of reasons to think he will."

"So I'm chicken because I'm using good reasoning and facts from my experience with Wilson, that's what you're saying?" He said with a huff.

Cuddy smiled warmly, "Yes, House you're hiding behind what's rational, instead of going with how you feel. You said you loved me, yet you don't want to pursue it, and it's rational considering our work relationship, but if you truly trusted me and the love we could share, would the job really matter?"

House closed his eyes, "People can't be trusted, I've learned that time and time again, and he's shown me he's just like them.

"And you've never lied or deceived him?" She asked skeptically. "House you let him think you only saw him a friend for years when that wasn't the case. You've drugged him and he wouldn't have ratted you out if you had told him what was going on. He did make you detox, but he honestly thought he was helping you. Do you know Wilson talked to Cameron before the date and told her to be careful with you because he was afraid she'd hurt you." She sighed, "Don't get me wrong, what he did was still bad and I don't know if I'll ever see him the same way after what he did to you, but the man has point."

House looked away and shook his head as his face flushed.

"House, I'm just being honest I didn't mean to make you mad." Cuddy said seeing him flex his jaw.

"When Stacy left... it was like she took everything that mattered and ripped it from my body," he sighed, "I'm not sure I can do that again."

Cuddy rubbed his shoulder, "House I know how hard it can be to be left by someone you love, but you got over it, the pain lessened."

Houses head dip as he still didn't face her, "Cuddy... I still haven't been with anyone since her," he said in a whisper, "don't tell anyone."

She swallowed surprised by the information and what it said about him, "Then I think it's time to let go and give this with Wilson a shot. Just go slow, if you go slow and things don't work on a more intimate level then you can go back to just friends. Also Wilson isn't just going to take off and move out of state."

House looked at her, "I'll think about it."

Cuddy got up, "You need to get some rest, so I'll see you tomorrow."

"Better come early then because I'm shipping out of here at 7:30," He said with a smile.

She looked confused, "You're not suppose to be released until sometime in the afternoon."

"I know," House said smiling bigger.

"Now House there is..." Cuddy started with irritation.

House interupted, "I don't want the team to see me, I don't want them looking at me with sympathetic eyes or asking questions. You know I'm not good with that stuff. I'll just hurt their feelings and be a distraction to their work."

She sighed, she knew what he was saying was true, "Fine, but I'm giving Wilson the day off tomorrow and Friday to watch you, unless you'd rather have someone else. You can't afford to lose anymore weight."

"No, I want Wilson, as long as he's okay with it." House frowned, "Dammit, this means he's going to want to talk about it."

Cuddy smiled and left

Thursday -

House woke up in a panic. He had dreamed that he tried but wasn't able to gain the muscle back and was bound to a wheelchair and when he went to talk to Cuddy about amputating she had refused, say that there wasn't any reason to. House grabbed two... then decided to go with three Vicodin, and looked at the time on his cell phone. It was five in the morning, he knew Wilson still wouldn't be here for a least two hours. House turned on his lamp and saw some clean cloths Wilson must have left. God he loved that man, House thought with a smile and slipped into them.

He tried putting his right foot down, but the pain was too much, so he put down his left and pushed himself up balancing on it. He grabbed the bed and started hopping toward the door. He looked at the distance from the end of the bed to the door and wondered if he could hop it and not end up on the floor. Then he thought about the dream and a new determination was in his eyes. He hopped it in two big jumps and grabbed on to the doorframe for support. He looked up and down the hall and saw one nurse who had nodded off and a wheelchair that was close to the wall just 12 feet away. He slowly made his way to it and softly rolled his way to the physically therapy gym, since he knew they didn't get there until nine.

Wilson couldn't sleep, all night he just couldn't shake what happened or how House looked. How had he not noticed how much weight House had lost. His face was bony and his hands looked like skeleton and not all of that weight was lost during the week they didn't talk. Wilson frowned as an even sadder thing occurred to him, House must have been going through all of this during the Tritter case and the detox. He rolled on his side and looked at the clock, it was almost six, so he turned off his alarm and got up.

It was six thirty when Wilson pulled into to PPTH and parked. He quickly made his way to Houses room with the old wheelchair and was shocked to see he wasn't there. He checked the room good and then checked with the nurse, who didn't know he was missing and swore there wasn't a wheelchair in the room. Wilson checked out all of House's usual haunts and was aimlessly walking around the hospital when he heard a painful grunt from the physical therapy gym. He looked on his watch and realized it it was only seven and that the staff didn't even get there for another two hours. Wilson walked around and noticed the door was cracked and looked in.

There was House trying to press the resistant press with his right leg. He walked in and looked at his friend red faced with his teeth bared trying as hard as he could to press it down. "House," Wilson said but was ignored as House took a deep breath and tried again. Wilson let out a sad sigh, House's shirt was covered in sweat, his hair painted to his face. "House you're going to give yourself a heart attack, stop this," Wilson pleaded. House continued ignoring his presence. Wilson grabbed House and tried to pull him off the machine and House pushed him away, so Wilson tried again, getting a good hold, but House still resisted, and in the end Wilson was on the ground on his butt still holding on House's shirt with House sitting with his back to him in front of him breathing hard. Wilson swallowed, "Did I hurt you?" he asked. There was no answer only ragged breaths, so Wilson scooted around to House's side to see House glaring at the leg. "It's going to be okay," Wilson said softly.

House scoffed and shook his head.

"House..." Wilson started but was interrupted.

"DON'T! JUST STOP WITh the positive thinking bullshit," House said and finally looked at him, "It's all going to end up like it did last time, everyone said I'd get it, that one day I'd be able to walk without the cane again... but it didn't happen... I TRIED SO HARD... and..." House swallowed looking back at the leg shaking his head slightly.

Wilson took in a deep breath, "You shouldn't have ever been able to get out of the wheelchair considering how much muscle was cut out. We all just got carried away with our expectations when you managed the crutches and cane. I know it wasn't that you didn't try, but right now your body needs rest House. You just had surgery and you haven't kept food down in over a week, so one battle at a time. You'll do better with rest and energy."

House inhaled deeply and slowly let it out, calming his heart rate, then looked at Wilson and nodded, "Okay, you're right, can you get the wheelchair?"

Wilson rolled it over to him and squatted down beside him wrapping a arm around his back under his arm.

"I can do it on my own," House said looking at his hand that was on his ribs.

"I know, but I want to help you," Wilson said and was happy when House let him. It didn't take long to get him in the wheelchair and when Wilson started trying to roll him, he wasn't surprised that House pushed his hands away and rolled himself. By the time that they got to the hall his room was on they saw Cuddy yelling at a nurse.

"What do you mean you don't know where he is!" Cuddy yelled.

The nurse took a step back from Cuddy, "I'm sorry, he must have slipped by me."

"He's a CRIPPLE! How does a cripple just slip by?" Cuddy screeched.

Wilson looked down at House, "Looks like someone's in trouble."

House's eyes became big, pleading and innocent, "Not if you tell her you took me for a walk... well roll because I was getting cabin fever." Wilson looked like he was thinking about it and House knew this was the time to give a slight push, "You saw me in there, don't you think that was punishment enough?"

Wilson sighed, "Yeah, that was enough," he narrowed his eyes but smiled, "only this once though."

House gave a smile back, "You're the best friend ever."

Wilson's smile dropped as he thought about all the wrong things he'd done to House.

"Why's he the best friend ever?" Cuddy said with narrowed eyes, "And where the hell have you been?"

"Hey, hey... just calm down a minute. He's the best friend ever because he got a wheelchair and let me roll around a little with him, this place is boring when you're a patient." House said.

"Yep," Wilson chimed in, as Cuddy narrowed her eyes on him. "So did you give him a bath too?" she said looking at House's wet cloths.

"Okay you got me, when we were outside I rolled under the sprinklers. I just trying to have some fun." House said with just the slightest sound of pleading in his voice.

She frowned, "Well you need a bath, you smell like a wet dog." Cuddy looked back up at Wilson, "Is that really what happ... Ewww.." she said distracted by the fact that House had just licked up almost her whole arm. She looked at him speechlessly.

"You're the one that said I was dog, it's just our way of showing our affection." He said with a smile. Cuddy was still stunned and House took advantage of it, "Aren't you going to pat my head?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes and patted his head.

"Wrong head," House said with a smug smirk.

She gave him a small slap on his head and looked back at Wilson, "Take him, please. I also wanted to let you know I've scheduled you off till Monday. I'm hoping you can get him to eat something and make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble."

"Oh don't act like you didn't like it," House said looking at her.

Wilson smiled back, "I'll try."

"I know it's a lot of work, but Lord knows if I send him home on his own, he'll cause me more problems and will end up starving to death without someone there to cook for him or buy his meals," Cuddy said and then laughed.

"I'm almost wondering if it wasn't even the tumor thing that kept him from eating last week. I honestly am starting to think he's allergic to paying for his own meal," Wilson said then both of them jumped and looked at House.

"House I swear if you ever grab my ass again you'll live in the clinic," Cuddy said staring him down.

Wilson didn't say anything about having his ass grabbed but was relieved that he hadn't blacked out or even felt angry about it. The therapy was working.

"The way you two were talking I was afraid you forgot I was sitting right here. Just wanted to give you both a reminder," he said sarcastically, "my bad," he snapped and rolled back into his room.

Cuddy was starting towards him but Wilson caught her arm. She turned around giving him a look that said he better explain or let go.

Wilson swallowed, "He's had a really bad morning."

Her eyes narrowed, "Oh you mean you two didn't just go for a walk?" She asked with sarcasm, "I'm not an idiot Wilson."

Wilson sighed, "I know."

"Then tell me what really happened?" Cuddy asked.

Wilson looked back at the room and walked a little bit farther away and Cuddy followed, "You've got to promise you wont yell at him."

"Did he hurt anyone?" she asked suspiciously.

"No," Wilson answered.

"Fine, what happened?" Cuddy said with crossed arms.

Wilson swallowed, "I found him in the physical therapy gym trying to work his right leg. He was pushing himself so hard I was afraid he was going to have a heart attack, and as you could tell my his cloths he had to be there a while." He looked down, "I literally had to pull him off the machine. He's scared Cuddy.. and can you really blame him?" Wilson asked finally looking up at her.

Cuddy's eyes softened as she frowned, "I know, last night he asked me if he couldn't get the muscle back if I'd amputate."

"Wait... What?" Wilson asked with shock, "What did you say?"

"I told him I would," She said looking down.

Wilson looked at her with narrowed eyes, "What are you going to do if he can't and comes to you expecting you to amputate, what by all medical purposes is considered a healthy leg?"

Cuddy swallowed, "I'm not sure, hopefully we'll never have that talk."

Wilson walked into House's room.

"You two have a nice chat about me?" House asked with irritation.

Wilson marched up to him and with anger, House felt himself sink farther back in the bed, "When were you going to tell me about plan B?"

House started to open his mouth with narrowed eyes, but Wilson started in again before he could.

"Do I need to take you somewhere and have you locked up. You've always been off House but CUTTING OFF your LEG! There's nothing wrong with it!" Wilson said loudly.

House pushed himself up, "I CAN'T WALK! I'm pretty sure that's the whole point of a leg and it hurts constantly! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA what constantly is... all night... all morning every meal I eat, every fucking piss I take it's hurting. You said I haven't been happy since the leg... and maybe you're right, maybe some of that's because I haven't had a relationship since then, but just MAYBE.. MAYBE the leg DOES have something to do with it!"

Wilson looked mad and sad at the same time, "House it's mutilation, it wouldn't hurt if you were in a wheelchair. THAT'S what this is about, YOU just don't want to be in a wheelchair!"

"WHO THE HELL DOES! It's not like you discovered some big secret Wilson!" House said his eyes searching Wilson's, "It's my body, my life, if I don't want to be in pain every minute of it who are you to stop me!"

Wilson's eyes watered, "I thought I was you friend!" he spat.

House swallowed and looked at him with confused hurt eyes, "You want me to be in pain. That's what you want for me?" he said softly.

The pain in House's voice pushed Wilson over the edge and he turned around and wiped his eyes.

House watched and put a hand on Wilson's elbow, "I didn't say I wouldn't do it for you... I'll be in pain for you Wilson, if that's what you want, I'll do it."

Wilson cried harder and fell to his knees.

House looked scared, "Wilson I'm sorry... please don't. Don't leave, I'm wrong. You're right. Please just stop crying, I'll keep the leg."

Cuddy walked over to Wilson and bent down giving him a hug. "It'll be okay," she said softly to him and he nodded as he tried to compose himself.

House watched and shook his head.

Cuddy stood up and gave him a harsh look, "What House?"

"Just another thing I'll never be able to do, bend down and hug someone..." He said distantly, then looked at Cuddy, "I don't understand, I told him I'd do it for him."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and scoffed, "You don't understand because it isn't a rational thing, it's a feelings thing."

House looked down at his hands with afflicted concentration.

Wilson, who was now composed, looked at House and then back at Cuddy, "You know, just because he doesn't understand emotions as well as most doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings."

Cuddy looked back at House, "I wasn't meaning..."

"I know what you meant. And you're right I don't understand emotions that well. It's weird I speak over nine different languages but emotions, something that everyone gets... understands... and I'm an idiot," He said still looking at his hands as if trying to figure something out.

Cuddy didn't know what to say back, what House had said was both true and depressingly sad. She looked back at Wilson for help.

Wilson sighed, "Hey, you ready to blow this joint?"

House avoided eye contact with him but nodded as he picked up his right leg and twisted to put it off the bed, then stood up on his left leg and hopped around so he could sit down in the wheelchair Wilson had brought.


	8. Chapter 8: Rules for a Relationship

Thirty minutes later they were sitting in House's apartment both eating cereal. "I can't believe you still buy coco pebbles." Wilson said looking at his milk that was now chocolate milk.

"I can't believe you still were those God awful ties... but you do," House said taking a large bite of the cereal.

Wilson ignored the stab, "I use to love these things and now they just seem overly sweet and weird. I mean people don't get up and eat chocolate for breakfast, or chocolate for any meal for that matter."

"I do," House said with a grin.

"Did you eat these everyday as a kid or something?" Wilson asked looking back at House.

House tensioned up a little, "Nope, wasn't allowed to have cereal."

Wilson looked a little confused, "Then what did you eat in the morning?"

House let out an irritated sigh, "Toast."

"You mean with butter and jam, or something?" Wilson assumingly.

House looked back up, "Did I say with jam or butter or anything else? I got one piece of toast every morning," he said with a little hostility.

"Oh," Wilson said and looked down at the cereal, "So your family ate light in the morning."

House looked back up, "I never said my family only ate toast, I said it was all I was allowed to have. My dad would have my mom fix pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, omelets, french toast, oatmeal, or whatever else he was in the mood for and they would eat that. Once my mom sneaked me a pancake on my birthday and my dad found out, believe me it wasn't worth it. So did that answer your questions because I was hoping to finish my cereal in quiet?"

Wilson just stared back with sympathetic eyes.

"See I shouldn't have said anything now you're going to be looking at me with those damn puppy dog eyes all day." House said with irritation.

"Why would they do that? I mean how could they sit there and eat at the table seeing you just nibble on toast?" Wilson asked.

House gave a dark smile, "You think I was allowed at the table?"

Wilson swallowed, "But... then where did you eat?"

"I sat outside and ate, now can I finish my breakfast that you were so eager for me to eat?" House said.

Wilson sighed, "I'm sorry... I didn't know. Please eat."

House rolled his eyes, "You have nothing to be sorry for, it's not like it was you who only gave me toast and made me eat outside." He said and started eating again.

They were quiet as they finished and Wilson got the dishes and gave them a quick wash and put them in the dish washer rack. Then Wilson walked over to House and gave him a hug that he'd be wanting to give since he heard about House's breakfasts. "Thank you," Wilson said and let go.

House gave him a perplexed look, "For what?"

"For opening up to me and letting me hug you without a fight," Wilson said as if it was obvious.

House's jaw tightened, "So you were fishing for information?"

"No... I never thought such a simple thing as breakfast could be so complicated, but I'm glad you didn't just tell me to shut up or that it wasn't any of my business." Wilson said honestly then sighed, "Have you thought anymore about us dating?"

House chewed his lips some, "Yeah," he said softly.

Wilson waited for him to continue and but he didn't, "And?"

"If we dated I'd want ground rules, and I'm sure you would want to have some say about things too, so first of all we'd have to have rules we both could agree to." House said watching Wilson.

Wilson smiled, "Okay, I'm fine with a relationship with boundries, I just never saw you as much of a rule biding person."

"I'm not, which brings me to the next thing, there also needs to be a list from each of us of punishments for breaking the rules that the other one gets to approve. That way there isn't any confusion about if you break a rule what will happen." House said seriously.

Wilson looked confused, "Punishments really? You're serious about this."

"Yes," House said flatly, "Also there should be different levels in our relationship, seeing if it even starts and different levels of intimacy along with those levels, which need to be defined."

Wilson looked surprised, "Wow, you're going a little overboard don't you think? It's just dating.."

"If you don't want anything but dating then you shouldn't do this," House said flatly. "A relationship is serious to me, I haven't had a lot of them and I don't want to screw this up. If we are clear on everything then maybe when this blows up we can still be friends."

Wilson wasn't happy that House already didn't think this would work but nodded anyway. "Alright, well how about we both write lists of what ground rules, punishments and different level benefits we are comfortable with and we'll go over them together after dinner. By the way how does pasta sound for dinner, I thought I could go and grab some ingredients and maybe pick us some sandwiches for lunch."

"Sounds good," House said and rolled to his desk grabbing two spirals notebooks and two pens. "Here ," he said handing one of each to Wilson.

They were both quiet as they ate the pasta dish Wilson had cooked and when Wilson picked up the dishes and rinsed them quickly House finally spoke.

"It was good," He said wanting to make sure that Wilson knew he appreciated it.

"I'm glad you liked it," Wilson said with a smile and turned back to House nervously, "so, I guess this is the moment where we discuss our lists."

House looked even more nervous than Wilson, "Yeah, it is."

Wilson put a hand on his shoulder, "It's going to be fine."

House nodded still not feeling all that sure about it and grabbed his spiral and went to the living room, he stood up on his left leg and hopped to his usual spot on the couch. "You might want to bring those beers in here while we go through this," he called to Wilson.

Wilson grabbed two beers and sat down at his usual spot with his spiral and handed House a beer, "I'll get more when these are done."

House opened his and took a sip, "So who goes first?" he said looking at Wilson.

Wilson raised any eyebrow, "It was your idea so I figured you would."

House thought about reminding Wilson that he had been fine just leaving their relationship as platonic, but instead nodded and opened up his notebook. "My list for things that end our relationship are short, so I'll start there. Cheating, putting me in the hospital, or threatening to leave me." House made sure to keep eye contact with Wilson.

Wilson couldn't believe that House actually thought he might do any of those things to him, "You think I would hurt you so bad I'd hospitalize you?"

House wished he could say he didn't, but he'd been hurt by too many people that he'd trusted and that included Wilson. "I'm not saying you would, I'm saying that I'd end our relationship if you did. So if you never plan on doing that it shouldn't concern you."

Wilson frowned, "It worries me because that wouldn't have been on the list if I hadn't... hurt you. It's like you don't believe that it wont happen again. I need you to trust me House, if we're ever going to have successful relationship."

House took a sip of beer and looked Wilson in the eyes, "You probably think I wouldn't have had us make all these lists and stuff too if that night hadn't happened." Wilson didn't say anything but he was easy enough for House to read. "I did this list with Stacy too and that was on our list. You're not the first to hit me Wilson and with my mouth I'm sure you wont be the last. Hell if we last any amount of time I'm sure you'll hit me again, they always do, but hospitalization is where I draw the line. Can you accept that?"

What House had said brought up a lot of questions, but now wasn't the time so Wilson nodded, "What if I threaten to leave in a fight?"

"Then I won't stop you and it'll be over, if we're making each other that miserable then what's the point in continuing?" House said dryly.

"People say things they don't mean in the heat of an argument. I just think it's a little harsh," Wilson explained.

House chugged some beer and then looked down, "People who say things like that in arguments rarely make it the long haul. Stacy use to say it a lot and if I'd ended our relationship the first time she said it, I would still have the use of my leg and it wouldn't have ended as bad as it did. Please, lets just get on with this."

"Alright, what are the other rules?" Wilson asked with interest.

House looked back at his paper, "No lying, we both have to agree when to make our relationship public, no breaking of personal property, and no getting mad at me for things I can't do because of my leg."

Wilson had noticed the House had looked away when he spoke about the leg and swallowed, "Okay, I can agree to all of that although the last one is kind of worrisome."

House frowned, "It's different when you're in a relationship with a... disabled person and just friends with them. In a relationship people can start to resent that they're partner never runs with them in the morning or plays sports, or can only do limited amount of positions during sex. There's also the little stuff I have problems with, like carrying in sacks of groceries, and it takes me longer in the bathroom because I can't stand long enough without support to shower so I have to take a bath."

Wilson grimaced and gave House a guilt ridden look, "I never... when I complained about you never buying groceries for your place, I didn't think about how hard it'd be for you to carry them in. You should have just told me I was being an ass, why didn't you?"

"Because the fact that you didn't think about it let me know you weren't seeing me as cripple, and that meant a lot to me." House said softly then swallowed, "You ready for the punishments?" Wilson just nodded, and House read them off, "Taking a break, dropping down a level in our relationship, money to replace broken things and $100 more for being an ass, and a day in my pain." House said watching Wilson.

"How long of a break are we talking?" Wilson asked wanting to make sure that this had some limits.

"Depends on what was done, but I wouldn't say longer than a week," House said simply.

"And a day in your pain... how does that work?" Wilson asked with slight worry.

House smiled, "Oh Wilson, as empathetic as you are I'm surprised you haven't read up about the devices that are out there so that friends and family members can get an idea of what a loved one is going through. There's a device you can get that wraps on and can deliver pain on the levels as indicated."

Wilson didn't want to ever have to do that. He looked down at his list realizing it was now his turn and sighed, "Okay now me. You pretty much covered the break up rules, so here are some regular rules. No publicly humiliating me about our relationship, no bringing up my cheating, no hurting yourself. Also you have to talk to me about your family, you have to talk to me about how you feel at least once a week, and you have to let me help you with your physical therapy. I also think we need to talk about what isn't and is allowed at work."

House looked a little scared as he stared at the TV, "I don't know if I can tell you about my family," he said.

Wilson sighed, "Then this isn't going to work, because I don't want to be with someone that can't open up to me."

House swallowed and looked at his shoes, "How often would I have to tell you something? Would it be whatever I wanted to share or do you ask questions?"

Wilson moved his hand and saw House flinch for a second, "Both, how about every day you tell me one thing and I get to ask one question."

House looked up at him, "You're going to regret it. Something are best forgotten, that goes for me and you. If you really want this I'll try, but I'm not comfortable with it," he said with worried eyes.

Wilson tried to ignore the bad feeling he had as he looked in House's eyes, "I'm sorry but it's important to me. Have you thought about how our relationship at work should be?"

House actually had given that some thought but hadn't said anything because he wasn't sure they'd even last that long. "Nothing in public unless we've both decided to make the relationship public. No forcing me to take patients by threatening me with some sort of punishment at home and I wont do that to you. Physically," House looked down speaking softer, "I would want to be able to kiss you and stuff like that, in private of course."

Wilson smiled as he saw a shy side of House, "I don't think that's unreasonable, but I do think that we have to make sure to respect that we are at work and that comes first. So if I tell you that I don't have time to... kiss or something you have to respect that and let me work, same goes with you."

"I can agree to that," House said looking down at his empty beer.

Wilson noticed House's beer was empty and drank the last sip in his, then grabbed them both one for refrigerator, "Alright, so we're good on that, now on to punishments." He said and his cheeks blushed slightly. "Spankings, you have to buy me a nice meal, no touching, shaving off your facial hair, and a two hour long lecture, since you seem to love those."

House rubbed his face some feeling the soft bristles of his facial hair, "You really don't like my facial hair?"

Wilson smiled thinking it was funny how fond House was of it, "I didn't say that, but I do know you like it and wouldn't want to lose it, so think of it as incentive to be good."

"As far as the spanking goes, I agree as long as if I tell you to stop you will," House said watching him closely.

"How do I know you won't pull that after the first hit?" Wilson asked.

House's eyes darkened on Wilson, "I'm not a pussy, you have no idea how much I can take, but if I think it could cause me to not be able to do my physical therapy I'll stop you. If you're going to be physically punishing me then it's got to have limits, this isn't up for debate."

Wilson wasn't sure he wanted to know what House had meant by the first part of the statement and just agreed, "Okay... so on to the sticky subject," he said with a smirk.

House looked uncomfortable by the joke and sighed, "I figure there are four levels. First a getting to know level, we try the small stuff kissing, cuddling, holding each other; all with clothes on. Second level clothes can be taken off, this is when oral and other forms of non-penetrating sex could take place. Third is penetration, and last is if we honestly think that this is a forever thing and we make a solid commitment to each other."

Wilson smiled, "You mean like marriage?"

House swallowed and looked at his paper, "We both have to be in agreement to go up a level, and as you could assume from my punishments only one person has to decide to go back down a level. Also we don't try anything new without first explaining what we are planning on doing and getting the other persons approval."

Wilson swallowed, "That all sounds good, but... you didn't answer my question. You really want to marry me?"

House looked up, "It hurt me to go to your weddings every time and yes I do think I can make you happier than they could." he said in a huff.

Wilson put down his paper, and took a swig of beer, "Do you now," he said scooting toward House with a smile.

House froze, "What... are … you doing?"

Wilson smiled, "I'm trying to make up for that kiss," he said and started to pull House towards him but felt the tension in the man and stopped. "House your as stiff as a mannequin."

House looked down swallowing, "I guess this can count as me telling you something about me... because I think you should know... um... you'll be the first guy for me... consensually. So..."

Wilson thought about this for a moment, that meant that neither one of them knew anything about this. It also meant that House had never been in a romantic relationship with a man and that upset Wilson because he'd made it seem like he had, "Then how do you know you're bi."

"Because seeing a hot guy makes me feel the same way as seeing a hot woman," House said looking at Wilson wondering how else he was supposed to answer the question.

Wilson couldn't believe this. He had been willing to give this a shot but a lot of that was based on the idea that House was sure about this, which now he wasn't so sure about. House had seemed scared at even the idea of being kissed. Did he expect their relationship to be like the times he was raped? "I'm going to use my question of the day," Wilson said watching House, "Exactly how many times have you been raped, I'd like you to be specific."

House blinked some as he's mind registered what he'd been asked, "We're on agreement to give this a shot right?" Wilson nodded stiff necked and House swallowed tightening his jaw, "And the first question you ask of me is to tell you how many times I was raped and to be specific?"

Wilson wasn't happy that House wasn't answering the question. He had never been able to get his mind around why House would have made the deal with Tritter, but it made sense if House had like it. Considering House's need to punish himself thought pain it could make since that he might be a masochist. "I don't understand the problem, you seemed to understand the question."

House looked down, "I was gang-banged twice once at 15 and again at 17 altogether there were 9 people, five in the first group, four in the second never saw their faces. Vogler did it twice, or should I say once, because the last time it was my decision between keeping the team.. or letting him after my speech. Tritter was once, if you don't count the times I allowed it to keep him quiet which happened 13 times. So if you're talking about me fighting and not being able to stop it you are looking at 4 incidents and eleven people. If you're counting both, then 18 times and 11 people."

Hearing the high number made Wilson feel sick. House wasn't a helpless person, if it was that many times it was more likely that House had put himself in situations for it to happen because he liked it. "So, I guess it wasn't that bad right, I mean it didn't deter you from wanting to be with a man."

House was shocked, "You sick fucking bastard. You think I liked it... did I look like I was enjoying myself after what Tritter did to me."

"You didn't seem to be too shaken up about it. You made some jokes, we watched some TV same as usual." Wilson said remembering the day quite well.

"I was also trying to keep it a secret, because I didn't think you could handle hearing how I felt about you and to be honest I'm wondering if I made the right decision," House said glaring at him.

Wilson gave House a dark smirk, "So you would rather have Tritter ramming it up your ass then?"

House pulled himself as far as he could from the man, "Get out," he said assertively closing his eyes.

Wilson could tell by House's voice he'd pushed too far, "Alright, that was a little much," he said thinking maybe he'd went about this the wrong way.

House kept his eyes closed, "I SAID GET OUT!" He roared.

"House I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand... look at me House," Wilson pleaded for the first time thinking about how cruel his words would be if he was wrong.

"I'm afraid that I'll hurt you if I look at you," House said then swallowed, "If you won't leave then I'll go to my room." He stood on his one working leg and started when Wilson tried to grab him and House turned quickly looking at him with pure anger, "You fucking touch me right now and I'll break your god damn arm."

Wilson pulled his hand back and watched as House got in the chair and rolled off. There had been something in House's voice Wilson had never heard before and it scared him.


	9. Chapter 9: Late Night Talks

_I found it absolutely fasinating how people took last chapter. People either thought that House was being a complete jerk, or that Wilson was being a prick, but everyone thought that the other deserved better. I got some awsome passionate reviews and I hope that you reading will like this new chapter, it's not got as much tension as the last but it explains more. Keep the reviews coming it really helps me to re-read my work and see it from a different perspective which is so cool. _

_Nicole_

It was 10:30 when Wilson finally decided to see if House had cooled off. He slowly opened the door and took a step in the darkness.

"You can stay there," House said flatly.

Wilson squinted and could make out that House was laying on the bed dressed with his hands behind his head. "I just wanted to apologize."

"Fuck you and your apologies," House said looking at the ceiling.

"House..." Wilson started but was cut off.

"Don't you dare talk to me like I owe you something. You're the first person... I ever told that I was raped and I had always been scared to death that if I told someone they wouldn't believe me, but what you did... never even crossed my mind. That's how fucked up it was." House said glancing at Wilson then back at the ceiling. "If anyone could understand I thought it would be you."

Wilson sighed, "I know and I'm sorry."

"I don't care about apologies, I want to know why in the hell you'd say what you did?" House said still staring at the ceiling.

"My thinking was obviously wrong so why talk about it," Wilson said.

House pulled himself up into a sitting position, "Tell me or get out, the choice is yours."

Wilson looked down, "I've seen you be self destructive for years, I was just wondering if that also went for the bedroom, because I'm not up for that."

House rolled his eyes, "You blow everything out of proportion, I'm not all that self destructive and there is a big difference between being self destructive and a masochist."

"Yes you are House. You've cut yourself, broken bones, attempted suicide, push yourself to limits you know are unhealthy, you punish yourself by not taking your pain meds, I've seen you agitate huge guys at bars and take out the first one and let the other kick your ass without even fighting back. You allowed a man to violate you in order to keep a (in you mind) shameful secret. You punish yourself with food, drugs, violence, mutilation, and you finally even let yourself be punished in a sexual way by agreeing to Tritters deal." Wilson said having now walked up to the bed. House didn't say anything. Wilson put his hand on House's arm, "I'm worried about you. I mean how much do you have to hate yourself to hurt yourself like this."

House moved his arm away from Wilson, "Everyone hates me so why does it matter if I hate myself."

Wilson sat down on the edge of the bed and looked in House's eyes, "I don't hate you."

"That's because you don't hate anyone," House retorted moving over so Wilson would have room to sit on the bed.

Wilson sat with his back to the head board next to House, "That's not true."

"Fine, name someone you hate?" House said flatly.

Wilson glanced at him, "I hate Tritter."

House sighed, "Okay rapist don't count, I mean a normal person."

Wilson chuckled, "House you are anything but normal."

House let out a chuckle, "And you are horrible at apologies."

Wilson frowned, "Am not."

House gave Wilson a small push, "Absolutely horrible."

Wilson tickled Houses side and grinned. House pulled back with an evil smile, "I hope you know this means war."

The both started tickling and pushing each other until Wilson fell off the bed. House smiled triumphantly, "I'm king of the hill... and the crowd goes wild!" House said laughing some.

Wilson shot back up and pounced on House surprising him and now had House pinned underneath him. They both just watched each other for a second and then Wilson leaned in like he was about to kiss House but stopped just moments away from his lips.

House swallowed as his heart dropped some, "It's fine, I understand if you don't want this."

Wilson smiled, "It's not that... it just... I don't know how to do this."

House raised an eyebrow, "You've kissed before, I've seen it."

"But not you, not... another man," Wilson tilting his head different directions as if trying to figure out how to approach it.

House closed his eyes and leaned up letting his lips graze Wilson. Wilson gently kissed him back to which House answered with a long kiss then pulled back looking Wilson in the eyes, "Was that okay?"

Wilson smiled, it had been slightly awkward the first couple of seconds, but it had turned sweet and even slightly arousing, "It's better than okay Greg... can I call you Greg?"

House smirked, "You can call me whatever you like," then quickly turned so that he was on top of Wilson and kissed him on the neck.

"Ooohhh God," Wilson moaned as he felt House nibble and suck his neck as his whiskers made the sensation even better. He licked his lips as he looked at House's body above him and for the first time in his life felt lust for a man.

House pulled away with a smug smile, "It's Greg, but I see how you could get the two of us confused," he said and then kissed Wilson passionately before he could retort holding himself up a little with his arms.

Wilson hadn't expected it to feel this good as he kissed back with need and pulled House's body closer. He finally pulled back to breath, "Okay... I've voting for level two," he said panting.

House laughed, "I'm that good," he said playfully.

Wilson let his hand glided under House's shirt down the where his pants started, "Yeah...you're that good," he said with lustful eyes.

House swallowed as he pulled back more, "It's the first night... don't you think we should give this some time... like a full 24 hours."

Wilson propped himself up forcing House to lean back on his knees for support and House gritted his teeth. Wilson quickly untangled their legs and pulled House to lay on his left side. "Why didn't you tell me your leg was hurting?"

"Because that wouldn't have be as sexy as me kissing your neck," House said wagging his eyebrows.

Wilson faced House laying on his right side, "I did like that a lot. I really thought this would be a lot weirder for a lot longer. It was only awkward for a couple of seconds and then... well I'll just say you're very good at what you do."

House rubbed his face, "I think someone enjoyed the facial hair more than they thought they would, and to think you wanted me to shave it off."

Wilson smiled back, "I'll still make you shave it if you're bad."

House pouted, "But you know I can't help myself."

Wilson still had on a goofy smile, "Quit being adorable, it's just wrong."

House yawned, "What do you say we call it night?"

Wilson's smile faded, "Yeah, I'll just grab a blanket and pillow and be out in a minute," he said getting up.

House grabbed on to his arm and Wilson looked back, "Or... you could sleep in here." Wilson began to smile and House added, "As long as you think you can control yourself around all this hotness," he finished letting a hand run across his body as he wagged his eyebrows.

Wilson laughed, "I don't know," he said watching House chew on his lips a little, something Wilson had known meant that House was nervous or insecure. "I'm still excited about kissing you, sleeping in your bed with you in lose clothing next to me, might not be the wisest decision."

"Oh come on, I'm not that hot," House said giving Wilson's arm a slight tug with a very cute pout.

Wilson couldn't help but smile, "Fine, but I need to take a shower and change, I'll grab your sleep cloths while I'm up." Wilson said getting off the bed and pulling two tees from the closet and two pairs of pajama bottoms from the drawer then walked back over to House. House picked the black and blue bottoms and the ACDC shirt and Wilson smiled noticing that House left him the green shirt. "I'm going to go the bathroom and take a quick shower, anything you need before I go?" He asked.

House shook his head and watched Wilson as he left then he changed into his pajama and tried to get comfortable. He took two vicoden, rubbed his thigh, and thought about what all had happened. When Wilson came out House already had his lamp on and Wilson turned off the main light. He quietly made his way to the other side of the bed and smiled, for all practical purposes, it was his side of the bed. He got in under the covers and House turned off the lamp. "Greg, I'm really sorry about what I said," he said looking over at House.

House stared at the ceiling, "I'm over it," he said back softly.

Wilson was laying on his back looking over at House. He knew he'd really hurt him since House actually had to get away from him and by the threat House had made to break his arm, "You shouldn't be, what I said was cruel. You were just trying to open up and be honest with me, and I verbally attacked you for it."

House swallowed as he rubbed his thigh, "I get it, you thought that maybe I hadn't really thought this through. You were afraid that I'd either want you to hurt me like they had, or run away screaming when things got physical. You were just looking out for me, for both of us really... it hurt some, but I can't say I don't understand it, and you're right. I am a little scared about how I'll feel when things get more physical. It's stupid, I know that you care about me, but there's a part of me that wonders if you would...would..." House swallowed so hard Wilson heard it and then he found Wilson's hand under the cover and held it.

Wilson was worried and laid on his side facing House, "That I would... what?" He asked giving Houses cold thin hand a squeeze.

House shook his head watching the ceiling, "I mean it's happened to you too right? You know how bad they can be."

"What's happened to me? How bad who can be?" Wilson asked now feeling like he missed something. House looked over and Wilson understood. "Greg... I haven't been raped. Why did you think I had?"

"Really?" House said surprised letting go of Wilson's hand and then frowned, "Well... that's good. Yeah, I'm glad."

Wilson couldn't help but notice House didn't sound all the happy about it and had physically retreated, "You sound disappointed."

House glanced at him, "I'm glad for you. It just means I'll have to explain stuff, I'd rather not.. at times," he said softly and then there was a awkward moment of silence. "So... if you weren't taken for a ride, why did you hit me when I kissed you?"

Wilson sighed, "I was sexually harassed a lot in college. At first it was kind of funny, I'd be at a bar and get a drink to find that another guy had sent it and I'd tell the guy that I'd pay for the drink and that I wasn't interested. Then guys would slap my ass or grab it... this happened walking to classes at lunch and at bars. I mean sometimes I was even with dates! I stopped being so polite and sternly would tell them that I wasn't gay and to leave me alone. So they started calling me a 'closet case' and no woman would date me because they thought I had to be gay. I hated these guys and it had nothing to do with them being gay, not really, it was because they wouldn't take no for an answer."

"I don't think I want to hear anymore," House said his voice even lower than usual.

"I don't hate gay people House," Wilson said hoping House hadn't gotten the wrong idea.

House wrapped his arms around Wilson pulling him close, "I know, it just makes me mad to hear about anyone hurting you." He whispered so low it almost sounded like a growl.

It took Wilson a moment to process what House had said, it was so... loving and a little territorial. He smiled some, "It's not that bad, I'd feel more comfortable if you knew."

House sighed, "Fine," he said with dread.

"Well it just kept escalating and one day I was trying to unlock my dorm room and one of these guys pushed me against the door so hard I couldn't move. Just pinned me with his body and said that he'd been jerking off to my ass and that I should really clean out my closet." Wilson felt House pull back some and tension up. "Anyway after that I'd had enough, and a couple of days later a guy kissed me and I beat the crap out of him. A week after that a guy grabbed my as in the restroom and I kicked him until he could hardly move. Then I saw the guy who'd pressed me against the door and I beat him so bad I almost got suspended." Wilson looked at House to find that he was now sitting on the edge of the bed, "Hey, you okay?"

House didn't say anything for a while, "I'm going to go to the restroom," he said in a low voice and got into his wheelchair and rolled into the restroom.

Wilson was worried about him but figured he should give him space. House did go to the restroom and then he left out the other door and rolled over to his piano bench and opened it pulling a cigarette out of his hidden pack and lit it. He didn't smoke often, only when he was really angry about something, which he hardly ever got. He didn't let many things get to him, but someone hurting his friends or family, that always did it.

Wilson walked out of the bedroom quietly, "You're smoking?" he said loudly with frustration.

House closed his eyes, "Yeah I'm smoking! It's my place right?"

Wilson was surprised by the attitude and walked over to see that House's features were sharp and tight from the moonlight coming in the windows, "What's got you all bent out of shape?"

"Nothing! Can't I get one moment by myself?" House barked.

Wilson could tell this wasn't a fight he wanted to get into and turned around to start walking back to the room as House watched, "They hurt you and there's nothing I can do about it." House said gruffly.

Wilson stopped and looked back at him, "That was in college like 17 years ago, and you've had worse than that happen to you."

"But you didn't deserve it!" House said adimently watching him as he took a long drag from his cigarette.

Wilson was stunned by the statement and took a step towards House, "And... you think you did?" he asked astonished.

House took another drag and shrugged, "I'm an ass," he said as if it was a fact that had been so ingrained in him that nothing he could do would change it.

Wilson felt guilty as he thought about how many times he'd said the same thing about House and walked back up to him, "You didn't deserve that, you have to know that deep down. Tell me that you know that." He got a feeling of dread in his heart when House's shoulders fell.

House thought about it some while he smoked, "I never was good in relationships because of moments like now. What am I supposed to do? Lie to you or tell the truth. You want the lie... I know you do, I can hear in your voice, but I don't want to lie to you."

Wilson didn't know what to say and walked back in the room. A couple of minutes later House rolled in and got into bed beside him. They both laid there silently for a while.

Wilson knew better than to bring up what House had said while smoking and to be honest he didn't want them to go to bed with that on their minds. "Did you enjoy the kiss?"

House rolled over to his left side so that he could see Wilson who was laying on his back, "Yeah, I really did. How was it for you, was I too rough or anything?" He asked as he hesitantly touched Wilson's arm.

Wilson had never expected House to be so warm and caring in a relationship. "You don't have to be afraid to touch me Greg and as far as the kiss was concerned, it was great. Honestly the only problem was that I got a little... over stimulated, hence the shower."

House raised an eyebrow and smiled, "So exactly who were you thinking about while you were stroking yourself in my shower?"

Wilson was glad it was dark as he blushed and felt House rubbing his chest softly, "I actually imagined that we were both giving the other hand jobs, it was kind of intense." He felt House stop rubbing and looked to see the man frowning, "What's wrong?"

"I wish you wouldn't lie to me," House said watching him with a serious expression.

"I'm not lying to you," Wilson said with irritation.

"I know you weren't thinking of me. How could you be, but that's fine, you don't have to lie about it to make me feel better." House said with certainty.

Wilson looked at him confused and reached up caressing House's jaw, "Why is it so hard for you to believe that I thought of you?"

House pulled back from Wilson's soft touches, "Because I'm not sexy and I know it. There isn't anything sexy about a guy in a wheelchair or a cripple. So, I'd really rather you didn't lie."

Wilson wished that House had the same confidence that he did about his work, about himself. "Hey, you better shut up, you know you're talking about my boyfriend right?" He said laying on his right side so he was face to face with House.

House smiled slightly, "I'm not your boyfriend, you're my boyfriend. All mine, at least for the moment."

Wilson gave a cute fake pout, "For the moment? You already thinking about trading me in on a younger model already?"

House bit his lip as he gently ran his hand through Wilson's soft brown hair and watched his lips.

Wilson was waiting for a moment and then glanced back at House who seemed unsure, "It's okay, I want you to kiss me." It was only a second after Wilson finished that House's lips softly brushed his. It was so soft and delicate. Wilson let his arm rest on House's side as he felt House kiss him longer this time but still only letting their lips brush in an agonizing way that left Wilson wanting more. Wilson opened his eyes during the kiss to see House's astonishing blue eyes on his. House must have been watching the whole time. Wilson swallowed finding that odd, but at the same time the idea of having this brilliant mans undivided attention did leave him feeling excited and desired. Wilson pulled House to him wanting to feel the warmth of his body and House did a step more rolling on top of Wilson and kissing him again, then he started sucking on Wilson's lip. Wilson let his hands rap around House's slim waist as he tried to remember to breath. Wilson's had to stop his hips from bucking against House when House started sucking his neck. It should be illegal for this to feel so good. He was just wondering if all men felt this good or if it was just Greg when he felt House pull back from him.

"Look at me," House commanded in a deep lustful baritone voice.

Wilson bit his lip as the demanding sound in Houses voice made his cock twitch with want.

"I said look at me," House said leaning closer.

Wilson opened his eyes as he felt House's hot breath on him and bit his lip harder.

House searched Wilson's dark eyes with the same interest and detail as he did his hardest medical cases and after a minute he rolled off of Wilson and sat up on his side of the bed with his back against the headboard.

Wilson was completely confused and disappointed about the early stop in their make out session. "What is it House?" he said as some of his frustration came through his voice.

House looked at him with a faint smile, "You... you actually like it... when I kiss you."

Wilson hated how House seemed to only confuse him more, "Yeah, I know, I told you that remember!"

House's faint smile grew some as he looked at Wilson, "Anyone can say anything, but the proof was in your eyes. They were so dilated and your blood pressure was rapid and then of course there was the rocket in your pants. People can lie all they wont but very few people can make their body lie." He said now with a big smile.

It always had made Wilson feel good to see House smile, something that happen to rarely for his taste. "Listen, I'm glad that you're happy, but I wasn't really ready to stop, so if you don't mind..." Wilson said and then kissed House.

House enjoyed the kiss no longer worrying about if he was forcing this on Wilson. He knew their friendship meant a lot to both of them and until now he'd pretty much believed it was the only reason Wilson was giving this a shot. But considering how turned on Wilson had gotten by the kiss, it meant he'd been wrong and Wilson actually wanted this too. House had never been so happy to be wrong as he kissed Wilson long and with feeling. When he pulled away they were both panting for air. "I love you Dr. James Wilson... my Jimmy," House said looking in his warm brown eyes.

Wilson felt his eyes water up a little, it warmed his heart to hear those words, but at the same time it made him feel like he was bad for not quite being at that level himself, "I... um... Greg.. I..."

"Sshhhhh," House said softly putting a finger to the mans lips and looking him in the eyes, "It's okay, I know you're not there yet and I'm good with that. I've just... felt this way about you so long and I've been wanting to be able to hold you in my arms and say that to you for what feels like an eternity."

Wilson smiled, "Who's sounding like a girl now?" He said teasingly.

House narrowed his eyes but was still smiling, "What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom."

Wilson sighed, "Fine with me, so... you've proven how much I enjoy making out with you."

House rolled his eyes, "We aren't in high school anymore, call it what it is, kissing."

"Anyway, I like kissing you and my body shows it... I was just wondering if you were liking it since you... well you didn't get... as stimulated?" Wilson said awkwardly.

House smirked, "You mean I didn't have the raging hard on that you did and I didn't have to go to the bathroom to masturbate at the thought of you."

Wilson felt his cheeks blush at how loud and bold House at been about his phrasing, "Yeah... that, anyway, did you not find it... was it not..."

"It was hot Jimmy, and I liked it," House said watching him and then laid back down on the bed looking at the ceiling. "It's a side effect from the vicodin, it takes a while for me to get stimulated, but once I do... I stay stimulated for a longer period of time. It also doesn't help that I was and idiot and pushed my leg beyond it's limits at the gym." He said and then took two vicodin and looked over at Wilson. "It's nothing to do with you, you were perfect."

Wilson rubbed House's arm some, "If your leg was hurting we didn't have to kiss, you can let me know."

House sighed, "Don't worry it took my mind off of it for the most part, except when we were moving. Also if I waited to bust-a-move on you when my leg wasn't hurting, it'd never happen. And just because you didn't see or feel my erection didn't mean I didn't get one." He said wagging his eyebrows, "FYI thinking of you in the shower... does the job of getting me warmed up." House said looking at him.

"Good to know, good to know," Wilson said as if noting it in a secret book somewhere. House laughed which made Wilson smile, "What do say about pancakes tomorrow for breakfast?"

House smiled, "You're going to spoil me."

"Is that a no, because I already got all the ingredients?" Wilson asked.

"No, I might as well let you spoil me while you're willing," House said.


	10. Chapter 10: Leveling up on Friday

Friday

House woke up and looked at the clock, which read 4:09 am. The pain this morning was even worse than it had been because of the work out. He rubbed as sweat collected and rolled off his head. He downed three vicodin and noticed the noise coming from the other side of the bed. House looked over to see Wilson laying on his back with his face toward House and his mouth hanging open as he snored. House sighed as he envied the man for being able to sleep without be awoken with pain. The wheelchair was by the bed so he slowly got out of the bed and into it gritting his teeth and grabbed some clothes then rolled into the bathroom. He had to fill the tub two times before the hot water finally seemed to take away the pain some or the vicodin started working either way it was manageable. He got dressed and rolled to the living room reading one of his new medical journals.

Wilson woke up and looked around the bed not seeing House. He felt of House's spot which was cold and looked to see it was just past six. Wilson wasn't sure how to feel, he was a little disappointed that House hadn't woken him, but at the same time, letting him sleep had meant House had tried to be considerate... which was rare. Wilson went to the bathroom quickly and walked in the living room to find House engrossed in his journal.

"Interesting stuff in there?" Wilson asked but was ignored, so he started on breakfast. The whole time he was cooking he'd look over and see House reading and writing his own notes. When breakfast was done he called House a couple of time and finally walked over and snatched the journal from House's hands.

"I was reading that," House said with irritation.

"Let's see what you are reading," Wilson said looking and the page with confusion, "What language is this?"

"Portuguese, now hand it over," House said with his hand out.

Wilson frowned and rolled up the journal, "No, not till after breakfast, I don't want it to get cold."

House narrowed his eyes at Wilson and then rolled over to the table, there where macadamia nut pancakes and bacon piled high on two serving plates with butter and syrup on the table. He knew Wilson had done this for him and that wasn't something he was use to. Wilson hadn't been asked or conned into it. No one ever made breakfast for him like this, not even Stacy sometimes she'd cook eggs but he had to hound her about it, never just because.

"Hey, you going to eat?" Wilson asked watching him

House nodded, "No ones ever..." he let the sentence stop feeling as if he wasn't doing this right, "thank you," he said with questioning eyes.

Wilson smiled, "You're welcome, now show me how much you like it by eating it all up."

House grabbed a good amount of the pancakes and bacon and started eating. Wilson served himself up a smaller amount and watched House as he ate. Wilson was done way before House and just sat there watching, usually he would have said something about House overdoing it, but... it just didn't seem right, not to mention House need to gain weight.

House finally finished and looked over to see Wilson looking at him, "You like to watch everyone eat or am I special?" he said with a smirk.

Wilson shrugged, "I'm glad to see you eating again, so what was so interesting in the journal?"

"It was about a new procedure they're doing in order to elevate chronic pain." House said as he put his plate in his lap and rolled over to the sink putting it in.

Wilson wasn't really surprised, "So how were the results?"

"You took away the article before I was finish but from what I've read it seemed promising." House said while rolling over getting Wilson's plate and taking it to the sink too.

"And the risks?" Wilson said watching House.

House rolled past him to the living room, "The same risks that always comes with brain surgery."

Wilson stood up and walked in front of House, "What the hell do you mean by brain surgery?"

"I meant surgery on a kidney... I'm always getting those two mix up... so much alike and all," House said sarcasticly.

Wilson bent down making himself eye to eye with House, "What kind of brain surgery?"

House looked him straight in the eye, "Surgery on the somatosensory cortex laser burning the part that senses the pain to whatever body part is ailing you."

Wilson stood up and walked around in a circle shaking his head, when he stopped he looked at House, "And you're actually considering this!"

House looked up at him, "Am I considering something that could stop the pain? Yes, but am I going to rush right over and ask to be one of the first hundred to get it done? No."

"You're an idiot.. you're fucking crazy, you know that right," Wilson asked. "That's all that matters to you isn't it, the pain. You're so consumed with trying to stop it that you're willing to risk everything good. You know the somatosensory cortex is also responsible for all body movement?"

"Oh really? No, I didn't know, I'm sure glad that one of us went to medical school!" House spit back.

Wilson looked down at him with determination, "I'm not going to let you do this!"

House narrowed his eyes on Wilson, "It isn't your choice."

"Is getting this done more important to you then this," Wilson said gesturing between the two of them.

House tightened his jaw, "Are you threatening our relationship, because if you are I already told you how that works."

"That's right, you'll just let me walk because you don't give a shit, maybe if I were more important like a brain surgery that could leave you paralyzed!" Wilson yelled.

House's eyes were glued on his in a hot stare, "You don't matter? REALLY! That's were you want to go, I let a man beat me and fuck me just save our relationship SO... DON'T YOU DARE! I'M the one that doesn't matter, you really don't care about how much PAIN I'm in!"

"The pain is manageable House!" Wilson yelled.

"NO IT ISN'T!" House roared back and then let out a huff as his voice softened "I didn't even notice the pain in my stomach until four weeks ago because my leg hurts so much the stomach pain didn't even register until then. I should have felt those months before, I could have died."

"Or maybe it's because of the vicodin that you didn't feel the pain! That ever cross your mind? Maybe what you really need is rehab." Wilson countered.

"I'm not doing rehab!" House stated firmly. "The pain would be too much, I couldn't work."

"The pain would level out after detoxing," Wilson said with certainty.

House sighed, "No... it wouldn't, you remember begging me to give vicodin a try when I was in physical therapy? Remember how much pain I was in? I could hardly think enough to remember if I'd eaten."

Wilson frowned, "You were depressed, Stacy had just left you, and you were mad because of surgery. It wasn't just the pain you were going through, it might not be that way."

House's eyes searched Wilson and he grabbed his hand, "James.. don't ask me to put myself thought detox when we both know it's a good possiblity I'll be left in so much pain I can't even think. I can't go through that again, not right now."

"I'd be here with you to help you through it, it wouldn't be like last time," Wilson said gently.

House's eyes widened in fear, "Do you like seeing me in pain... do you get off on it or something?"

Wilson looked at him mad, and then noticed the fear in House's eyes and shook his head, "No... I don't like seeing you in pain, but I want to make damn sure you've tried every other way before you even consider letting someone cut into your brain."

"Well, I'm not going to be doing either of those anytime soon, so can we let this go for the moment and try to enjoy what's left of the day," House asked giving Wilson's hand a squeeze.

Wilson sighed, "Fine, but you have to promise me that you'll try getting clean before you try letting someone cut in your brain."

House thought about it, "I'll consider it, I'm not going to do anything without telling you."

Wilson nodded, and watched as House made his way to the couch and slowly sat down in his usual spot and Wilson joined him. They watched some TV and by the time it was noon House had fallen asleep on Wilson.

Wilson looked down and him and smiled, he'd never thought that some day he'd be looking at House as adorable or sweet, but here he was thinking those things about another man, not just a man, but Greg. He rubbed House's back looking at his body, right now things were going good but he wondered how he would feel when things went all the way. He noticed House had a nice butt and let his hand run over it in a testing way.

"I knew you wanted to take advantage of me," House whispered with his eyes still closed.

Wilson blushed, "I thought you were asleep."

House turned his head to look at him, "Oh, so that makes it okay to molest me?" he said with a smile.

"I'm just curious, that's all, this is new to me," Wilson said watching him.

House sat up, "You're curious about my ass?"

Wilson blushed more, "You know what I mean, about how it'll feel, when we... finally, get to level three."

"You mean when you fuck me?" House said with a smirk.

Wilson frowned, "Never mind, I thought we could have a serious conversation about sex, but I forgot who I was talking to."

House rolled his eyes, "Now don't get your panties twisted Jimmy. You've done anal sex with girls before right?"

"With women, yes," Wilson said then looked at House's crotch, "But... I've never... I mean they've never... you know... to me."

House smiled, "Don't worry about that. I'm not going to ask you to do that, if you want to then you can let me know."

Wilson blinked, "Really? But... I mean don't you want to... umm you know do me?"

House kissed Wilson soft and slow then pulled back. "Yes, of course I want to, but... James I don't want to force you to do something you aren't comfortable with, I know how that feels and I don't ever want you to have to feel that way, I love you."

Wilson kissed him back then slowly leaned back pulling at House's shoulder. House gave in and laid on top of him. Wilson let his hand run over Houses well formed ass and pull him closer, then leaned his head over and let out a moan as House moved to his neck. "Oh god... when do we get to move to level two?"

House pulled away and looked down at Wilson, "Is that what you want?"

Wilson ran his hand up House's shirt feeling his warm skin, "Yes."

House swallowed he really didn't think they should be moving this fast but at the same time he wanted to make Wilson happy. He pulled off his shirt, "Okay," he said and kissed Wilson's neck again.

Wilson shoved a hand down House's pants and House piratically flew off of him, falling on the floor and barely not hitting his head. Wilson looked down at House.

House could feel his face redden, "I... I.. thought... we agreed on... you know, telling before doing."

Wilson couldn't help but laugh, "Wow... I didn't even know you could move that fast."

"Me fast? You're the one that just slid your hand onto home plate with out even asking if it was okay?" House said.

"Oh come on, you just said we were on for level two, and it wasn't that fast..." Wilson said and laughed again at House's red face. House sat up and scooted to his wheelchair and Wilson tried to stop laughing, "Okay... okay, I'll stop laughing."

"You know not everyone's use to playing at your speed," House said getting in the wheelchair and started towards his room.

"Hey.. hey, House stop," Wilson said grabbing the wheelchair, "What's wrong?"

House looked up at him and then back down, "Nothing, I just need to go to the restroom."

Wilson frowned, "You're lying to me, I thought you didn't want lies in our relationship."

House sighed, "It's... it's just been a while."

"A while... that's not very specific," Wilson said still waiting for House to look at him. House chewed his lips. Wilson looked around the room, "I'm guessing you haven't been with anyone since your deal with Tritter, so... have you been with anyone since the hooker?" House looked up with sad, guilty eyes.

Wilson watched him and looked down, "You didn't sleep with her did you?" House shook his head. "So what the hell did you do with the $800 I gave you?" Wilson asked starting to get mad.

House looked away, "She came but, I just couldn't, and I'd already booked her so she made me pay up front. We ended up playing video games."

Wilson started to get mad, but regained focus, "So Stacy... last time she came down, that was you're last time." House didn't say anything but looked up with pleading eyes. "You're the one that wanted us to be truthful and that's a two way street, I'm done guessing," Wilson said sitting on the armrest of the couch.

House nodded and grimaced, "Actually, I haven't been with someone since Stacy, more in the since of our first date, it's only been her since then, well... not counting..."

"Yeah... I'm not counting that either," Wilson said quickly looking at House, "I knew she messed you up, but... you could have told me. I thought that taking this slow and asking ahead of time was to protect me."

"It was for both of us, and we both know that if I'd let you know you would have been trying to set me up all the time," House said with a half smile and sat back on the couch.

Wilson sat back on his side, "This thing, you've had for me, how long has that been going on?"

House shrugged with a smile, "I'm not really sure if there was a time it wasn't, but I finally figured it out when you go married to your third wife. I hated her and I didn't know why which drove me crazy and then it hit me."

Wilson raised an eyebrow, "So, you ever have naughty thoughts about me at work?"

House smirked, "Yes, but they're pretty graphic, I'll tell you when your older."

Wilson looked at House's chest which was nothing but bone, muscle and skin which had light scars all over and a few faded bruises, he looked at the lean tight abs and wondered if House did sit ups. Wilson scooted closer, "Do they still hurt?"

"No, not really," House said looking at some of the left over bruises on his chest.

Wilson ran his hand down House's chest and pulled him slightly towards him, House kissed him as he lowered himself back onto Wilson. Wilson wrapped his arms around House's chest and when they broke the kiss, he looked in his eyes, "I'll try harder to take it slow."

House smirked let his hand run up Wilson's shirt, Wilson got the hint and pulled it off. House looked over his torso as his hands ran up and down flicking Wilson's nipples as they passed by. Wilson didn't have scars or bones poking out of his skin. His skin was smooth and soft.

Wilson sighed, "I wish I had your muscle definition."

House knew he was just being polite and smiled as he took one of Wilson's nipples in his mouth sucking and gently biting it. Wilson could feel himself stiffen and as if on cue House went to the other nipple, a moan escaped Wilson and he could feel House chuckle as he gave his nipple attention. Wilson softly grabbed Houses hair and pulled him away from his work.

House looked at him lustfully, "Yeessss?"

"My turn to be on top," Wilson said taking in House's body while moving to allow House take his spot. Wilson could see House's ribs through his muscles and after his ribs there was a huge drop to his sunken stomach that was covered so nicely in toned abs. "You need to gain weight," Wilson said.

House already felt uncomfortable having a guy on top of him even though it was Wilson, just the feel of having a mans weight on top of him half naked reminded so much of the rapes. He pulled his shirt from the couch, "I get it, I'm not doing it for you in the light," House said and tried to put on his shirt.

Wilson pushed his shirt away which had both of Houses arms in it kind of pinning them back against the armrest of the couch. "It's not like that. You're in great shape," Wilson said and used his free hand to run over his chest, then leaned down kissing House's neck.

House felt his heart racing with panic as he realized his arms were pinned, "Stop..." he said softly.

Wilson stopped and looked at him, "What is it?" he asked not sounding happy about being stopped.

House looked in his eyes and took a deep breath, looking in Wilson's eyes helped and he didn't want to disappoint him, "Just... I like eye contact." He said feeling stupid, he should know Wilson wasn't going to hurt him.

Wilson smiled sucking his neck harder and moving his hand to rub House's nipples. House tried to relax and just enjoy the sensations as Wilson started grinding against him, "How's that feel?" he whispered in House's ear.

House looked in his brown eyes and swallowed, the man he'd loved for so long was half undressed on top of him. House leaned up for a kiss. He could feel himself harden and pulled back with hitched breath, "Jimmy, you feel so good."

Wilson kissed House's shoulder and started down to his nipple when he noticed something odd, two circular patches of where hair was missing on House's armpit. "Hey, what's with the crop circle in your armpit hair?"

"Later," House panted not wanting to get into it since he'd just let go of his fears and was starting to really enjoy himself.

Wilson looked at House and grinded hard watching as House gasped and took heavy breaths, "Now, or I stop."

House's eyes met Wilson's, "Cigar burns."

Wilson stopped for a second and House jerked his hips up as if to remind him that this wasn't the time. He looked back at the burns and then back at House's nipple and started licking it and grinding again. He could feel that House was hard while grinding and he felt a pride in his chest and bit House's nipple fairly hard.

"Aaaahh..," House said as the pain and pleasure mixed, "Jimmy..."

Wilson could feel their cocks rubbing against one another as he bit the other nipple, making House's arms jerk, but Wilson held the shirt against the armrest keeping them back, "Tell me what you want."

House looked at Wilson with confusion, "What do you mean?"

"I figure this is better and sexier than us telling each other every move we're going to make. You just tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it as long as I'm comfortable with it." Wilson said with as lustful smile, "What do you want me to do Gregory?" He said wagging his eyebrows.

House bit his lip as he looked into Wilson's eyes. "If... I want... would you feel uncomfortable... you know... um with touching... just giving me a..." House closed his eyes, afraid of Wilson's response, "hand job."

Wilson looked at House's red cheeks and smiled at how the man wasn't quite so bold talking about sexual activities when it was actually happening. "Eewww you want me to touch you down there?" Wilson said with a smile.

House opened his eyes and was about to apologize for his request when he saw the grin on Wilson's face. "You're an ass!"

Wilson laughed, as his hand rubbed House's crotch through the jeans, "I'm sorry, I just wanted you to realize you don't have to be afraid to say what you want. If I'm not okay with something, I'll let you know and you'll let me know if you're uncomfortable right?" House nodded as he bit his lip to stop a moan from escaping. Wilson looked down at Houses crotch and back at House, "You ready for this Greg."

House felt himself blush, "I think so."

Wilson kissed him deeply while his hand slip in House's jeans, and under his underwear taking it slow. House leaned forward kissing Wilson's lips as Wilson hand finally found House's cock. House jerked a little but then stayed still. Wilson let his fingers feel it out and it didn't take long for Wilson to register that House wasn't big... he was fucking huge. Wilson pulled back from the kiss, "Exactly how big are you?"

House's eyes were mainly black with a small amount to blue showing, "13 and a ½ inch long, 5 inches round when I'm hard."

Wilson wrapped his hand around it for the most part and let his hand glide up it and then all the way down. "You're not circumcised," Wilson said as he started gliding quicker.

"I'm... not... jewish," House said then pulled at his hands, "so you... going to... unshackle me?"

Wilson let go and House threw the shirt off and pulled Wilson's neck down kissing it then let his hand slide down the front of Wilson's pants, "How about we make your shower dream come true?" He said then gave Wilson's cock a gentle squeeze through his pants.

"I thought you'd never ask," Wilson said as he felt House's hand's slide down in his pants. The cool fingers made him jerk slightly. He tried to concentrate on what he was doing to House but it was hard as he felt House start working on his cock.

"Just do what I do," House said and squeezed Wilson's cock and rubbed his thumb over the head spreading some precum that was there. Then he let his fingers rake down it lightly rubbing his balls at the bottom and then giving them a slight squeeze and rubbing back up. House kept kissing Wilson's neck, waiting and finally he stop, "Jimmy if this is too much, just tell me."

Wilson shook his head, "No... that... was amazing. My turn." Wilson kissed on Houses neck and started trying to do the same thing back. House had already started moving his hand on Wilson's cock again so Wilson tried to stay along. He thought about yelling that House's cock took more time because it was huge, but didn't. Finally House moved his other hand down on top of Wilson's guiding it and his lips claimed Wilson's. Without having to try and think about keeping up to House, Wilson was in complete pleasure. His cock was being given the best hand job ever and Houses lips were on fire. Wilson pulled back from House's lips, "Oh... Greg.. little faster... OOHhhh, shit..."

"That's it... imagine your inside me James, fucking me so hard... ohhh, yeah... that's it cum inside me Jimmy," House said panting and as he felt his own cock twitch.

"No... I wanna cum on your face... in your mouth," Wilson said stopping House's hand.

"Okay..." House said panting. Wilson got off the couch taking off his pajama bottoms and then moved to House's shoulder putting one foot above his shoulder on the couch while the other stayed on the ground. House waited and then realized Wilson was waiting on him, so he grabbed Wilsons cock and started jacking him off again while working his own. House swallowed looking at Wilson's eyes, and licked the tip of Wilson's cock. Wilson grabbed his head and as he felt himself starting to cum, he pulled back and watched a line of his cum shot in House's mouth just the end of it landing on his red lips dripping. Then he shot another line on Houses face almost hitting him in the eye and another... then Wilson felt Houses lips on his cock and shot one finally spurt that House sucked out of his sensitive cock. Wilson raked his fingers through House's hair, "Jesus Christ Greg... fuck... you're too good."

House panted licking his lips and Wilson removed his foot and stood watching as House worked on his huge cock which he could make out through the jeans. Wilson was surprised when he saw House scape the cum off his face and suck it off his finger. It was dirty and yet he was fascinated by it, "You done with your snack?" He asked and House nodded so he bent down and kissed him. Wilson stood back straight and looked at House's red face, "What can I do?"

House licked his lips, "My hand's getting tired." Wilson started taking off House's pants and House stopped him, "I'm not comfortable with that."

Wilson nodded and slipped his hand down House's pants and started working it. It was a lot easier to do when you weren't edging yourself.

"Fuck yes... oh Jimmy baby... yessss.. please..." House said squirming as he got closer, the elastic top of his underwear finally falling down allowing the head of his penis to peek out while Wilson fastened his pace.

Wilson smiled at House and decided he'd try talking dirty, "I want that cum Gregory... yeah, yeah... that's it, cum for me. I need it so bad... that's it..."

"AAAAaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh, Jimmmmyy.. ohhhhhhhh..." House groaned as he came hard watching his seed seep from his purple headed cock and looking at Wilson, with hitched breaths until it was finally all spilled.

"Holy shit!" Wilson said as he took a second to breath, "I can't believe you said that."

"No, what really surprises you is how much you like it." He said with a shy smile as he scrapped the cum off his chest with his finger and sucked it clean. "So... on my face?" he said with smirk.

Wilson blushed, "You didn't have to let me if you had a problem with it."

House smiled, "I never said I had a problem with it I just thought it was... an interesting choice."

Wilson watched him with fascination, "How does it taste?"

House thought about it, "Imagine an oyster on the half shell, but add a bitter twang at the end, but mine's more bitter because of the vicodin."

Wilson let out a happy sigh, "You and that dirty mouth of yours... god... I've never really had someone talk dirty to me... it... was... wow."

"You're Wow," House said sitting up and looking over at Wilson who was now sitting on the couch again too.

Wilson started laughing... "Oh my God... that was so corny."

"Shut up, I'm trying," House said with a pout as he rubbed his thigh.

"I'm so screwed... you've already got me falling for you with that adorable pout and your dirty mouth and god... your sexual energy is going to make it hard for me not to want to bone you every time I see you." Wilson said looking at House with admiration.

"Going to make it hard... I thought I already did," House retorted.

Wilson laughed, "I'm so glad you decided to give this a try House. I've never been this comfortable with someone before. You're amazing."

House's smile faded, "I hope this last a while before everything blows up in our faces."

Wilson softly caressed House's face, "Do you think you could just try and not be a pessimist?"

House grinned, "I like to call it being a realist, but sure, I'll fly off to neverneverland with you Jimmy where we never have to grow up and everything works outs for the best."

"Why can't you be like this around everyone?" Wilson asked.

House pretended to think, "I'm pretty sure if I was this way with everyone I'd officially be a whore."

"Not like that, I'm talking about funny and sweet," Wilson said looking in his eyes.

"I'm funny!" House said pretending to be hurt.

"You know what I mean," Wilson said softly.

House sighed, "Because it hurts too much when they leave, and they always leave. I should get cleaned up," House said scooting to the edge of the couch.

Wilson got up and stood in front of House, "I'm not going to do that Greg."

House gave him a sad smile, "The thing about that is, everyone always says that and thinks it's true until it isn't."

"I'll grab you a warm rag," Wilson said and quickly brought one back for the bath room and put his shirt on. He watched as House cleaned himself and blushed, "God, I love level two."

House smiled, "You would think we were on level one for months... it was only a day, actually not even a full day."

"Yeah but I'd been thinking about it since two Tuesday's ago," Wilson said with wagging eyebrows,.

House finally was clean and pulled back on his shirt, "I'm glad you liked it Jimmy."

Wilson nodded looking down, "Greg, you know I have to ask about the cigar burns."

House sighed, "Now?" Wilson just sat down looking at him. House's features got colder, "Fine, those were one of my discipline slash training lessons from my old man."

Wilson had always had his suspicions about House's dad abusing him in some way, but he couldn't see why a father would do that to his son. "What a surprise, exactly what was he supposed to be training you for, to be an ashtray?"

"No, to survive being tortured in the Marines if I ever became a POW," House said looking down.

Wilson laughed at the ridiculous idea of House's father thinking he would go to the Marines, "So how did he take it when you didn't join?"

House looked up at him with honest eyes, "I was in the Marines for eight years."

Wilson looked shocked and then he started laughing, "Wow, you almost had me there."

House smiled, "But you know me too well. Hey why don't you take a shower get on some real clothes I think I'll lay down for a minute."

Wilson got up, "Okay, I still can't believe you almost got me."

House watched as Wilson walked into the bathroom and sighed.


	11. Chapter 11: Punishment

_Alright people I finally got you another chapter posted and I hope you like it. Remember Read, Enjoy, and Review. Nicole_

When Wilson walked into the bedroom House was sitting in his wheelchair and there were a couple of boxes and a bag on the bed. "I thought you were going to take a nap?" Wilson said dressing in some of his old clothes he kept there for just in case.

"I was just wanting to get your opinion on if I should keep this as a costume," House said unzipping a clothing bag.

Wilson walked over and looked at it, it was a Marines dress uniform complete with a lot of pins and badges and a silver plate that read Lieutenant Gregory House. Wilson looked at House who wasn't smiling, just sitting there watching him. Wilson opened up a box and found metals, award certificates, achievement assessments, and in the back a picture. He pulled it out and saw a much younger House with nine men behind him all dressed in special ops gear. Wilson dropped the picture on the bed and quickly walked out of the room

House rolled behind him, "James.."

Wilson stopped abruptly turning around and House almost bumped him, "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU HOUSE!"

House's eyes were big on his, "I'm trying to show you."

Wilson let out a frustrated laugh, "Shit... I've been friends with you for almost a decade... I'm going for a walk," he said grabbing his coat as House stood in front of the door unsteadily on his left leg. "Get out of my way House," Wilson said warningly.

"Or what, you going to hit me again?" House asked, not in a mocking way but seriously.

Wilson gritted his teeth he didn't like being reminded of what he'd done to House, "And exactly who would I be hitting if I did? A Lieutenant, a rape victim, the head of Diagnostics, a bisexual, a liar, a person I thought was my friend, a lover... who?"

House frowned, "I never pretended to be a simple person, and I'm not a liar. It's not something I'm proud of and you never asked, but when you asked around it just now I told you the truth."

"It's not something people think to ask House!" Wilson snapped with anger.

"I was in from the ages of 16 thru 24, twelve years before I even met you. Why is something like this more important to you then what we shared today?" House asked with honest eyes as he wobbled and grabbed the door knob for more stability.

Wilson sighed as he thought about what they had shared and saw House's leg shaking some, "Sit down before you fall. I didn't say it was more important, but... it is important, you should have told me a long time ago."

"If it's not more important then why have you been calling me House ever since you found out?" House asked honestly with some disappointment in his voice as he sat down in the wheelchair.

Wilson thought about it, he hadn't even noticed the change, "I don't know, I guess because I'm mad at you."

House frowned, and rubbed Wilson's arm softly, "You can punish me if you want, just don't leave."

Wilson pulled back from House and leaned against the back of the couch. Leaving wouldn't help either of them, this was something that needed to be worked out, "Why aren't you proud of it?"

House's features hardened, "I killed people. I did missions I didn't think were right just because those were the orders and people got hurt. I never wanted to be in the Marines, my dad signed me up at 16, that was legal then if you were done with your primary education and since I graduated high school at twelve and already had my masters from West Point for medical biology with a double minor in chemistry and theory, I more than qualified. I finished the contract my dad signed me up for and then I was out. It wasn't my choice, it isn't who I am." He said as he looked up at Wilson, "Really, it was never me."

Wilson thought about it, "You said you were gang raped when you were 17, by four guys right?" House just nodded. "It happened when you were in the Marines?"

"My dad was right, I was a POW," House said with a frown.

Wilson wasn't sure he wanted to know anymore about House as a Marine. It was something he felt he'd do better of trying not to think about, "Do I want to know anymore?"

House looked down, "No, that's the important stuff and I shouldn't say more than that since most of what me and my team did was classified."

Wilson could tell that House wasn't happy about what had happened when he was in the Marines, "So, why do you still have that stuff then?"

"My mom want's me to wear the uniform to my dad's funeral someday, and she would kill me if I threw away what little she forced me to keep. They're building a new house and when they get it done she wants to put up all my awards and stuff on one of the walls." House said looking at Wilson.

Wilson understood all too well how mothers could be about things like that. His room was still like he left it at his parents house with every award and diploma he ever got on it and pictures too. "You know the uniform would be great as a costume, or... maybe for some role play."

House smirked, "An older Lieutenant takes advantage of a younger sexy Private and his privates... could be hot."

They agreed not to talk about House's time in the Marines and House put the stuff back up. The day seemed to go by quick and they had an early supper since they had skipped lunch. They were watching TV again this time with Wilson cuddled up to House.

Wilson had been thinking about what House had said last night when he was smoking and about what Cuddy had said about last Christmas. "I heard you talked to Cuddy some about last Christmas."

House scoffed, "Of course she told you. It's not like it was something that was extremely personal that I said while I was in a lot of pain."

Wilson paused the TV, "I really wish you would talk to me about it."

House looked over at Wilson, "And I really wish you would just leave it alone, someone isn't going to get what they want."

"If I was suicidal wouldn't you want me to talk to you about it?" Wilson asked hoping House would see the reasoning behind it and talk.

"Not if talking about it made you feel more suicidal," House said with a smile. Wilson gave him the puppy dog eyes and House sighed, "Fine, you want to talk about? We'll talk. Surprisingly unlike most people I get depressed about things, being cripple, being in pain, being alone, thinking about past things." He said condescendingly. "So I've kind of attempted it a couple of times. I think it's been about four times now. I say kind of, because if I really wanted to make sure the job was done right, then we both know I'd be dead and we wouldn't be having this conversation. So is that enough?"

Wilson didn't like how House talked about it so bluntly, as if it wasn't anything big. "I just don't want to come home someday to find you... like Christmas or even worse... dead," Wilson holding House's hand.

House blinked at him and agave him an intense stare, "You said home, not my apartment, or your apartment, but home."

"I know this is new and we're going to take it slow, but I see a future for us. Getting a place together that is ours, that's more than just another apartment or condo someday in the future, doesn't scare me. The idea of one day being married to my best friend sounds amazing to me. I'm not saying this should happened tomorrow or anything, I'm just saying I really do see us together in the future," Wilson said looking down hoping House wouldn't give him to hard of a time.

House turned his whole body towards Wilson and pulled his face up, kissing him hard. Wilson was taken off guard and he felt House moving him with ease so that he's shoulders were against the armrest.

House couldn't stop himself, it was either this or let his mouth spill all the feeling that was behind it and that just wasn't a real option. He finally let go of the man's mouth and started sucking his neck as he's hand started taking the shirt off. Wilson had a feeling that House had enjoy Wilson's idea's about their future as he laughed when House's hand tickled his stomach. House's hands were roaming Wilson's now bare torso, "Please... say it again," House whispered as he looked in Wilson's eyes.

Wilson saw a warmth in House's eyes he's never seen before, "I want to come home to you Greg," he said running his hands through House's hair. House kissed him slowly with passion and when he stopped he hugged Wilson tightly nuzzling his neck. Wilson held him too and swallowed, "Greg are you okay?" Wilson felt House nod and give his neck soft kisses. Out of all the moments they had shared so far this was the most intimate by far and Wilson was happy they were sharing it. "Talk to me Greg."

House took a deep breath and pulled back just enough that he could look at Wilson and still keep his arms around him. "A home... it's a place where people who love each other make a life together." Wilson smiled at him and House swallowed, "I've never had that. When I was kid we went from one military house to another. The longest we ever stayed was a year, the shortest was a couple of months. We never stayed in one place and... even if we had, it couldn't have been a real home with my father. I had this place before Stacy after a year of living together I told her we should get a place that was ours and... she said that she wasn't ready for that kind of commitment." House sighed heavily, "Everyone wants things, one of the few things I've ever really wanted was a home."

Wilson closed the distance between them kissing House tenderly. He hated that House had never had a home and at the same time he was happy that meant he would have the opportunity to give House that experience for the first time. Wilson ran his hands up and down House's torso as they kissed and when they were done they just held each other in silence. It had been about twenty minutes before Wilson decided to speak, "You know how it feels when your next in line at a really big roller-coaster. How you're so scared you start looking over the machine again for warning signs and at the same time your excited about the thrill. That's how I feel, as a friend I've loved you for years and now... what we're sharing is something I never even considered. I like it and everything feels so much more intense." Wilson wrapped his arms around House again and gave a squeeze, "Everyone else that I've dated I've never felt scared, because I always felt in control over my emotions. But with you... if feels like I'm loosing control, my emotions are so strong and for the first time I'm afraid that if I let myself love you that I could actually get hurt. Does that make sense to you?"

House ran a hand through Wilson's hair, "Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I was scared when I first figured out that how I felt about you was much stronger than just a friendship. The first time I had a wet dream about you I freaked out and couldn't even look at you for two days." He said with a smile, then kissed Wilson slowly and hugged him, "James, take as long as you need, I'm not going anywhere."

They had played some video games and watched some TV before finally making it to bed. Wilson was laying on his back thinking when he saw House come out of the bathroom and get in bed. House rolled on his side facing Wilson, "You know the toll," House said with smirk.

Wilson smiled at House's comment and then swallowed as he figured it was time to say something he'd been think about, "Greg, I know what I want to ask you today as my question."

House looked at Wilson with confusion, "You already asked me plenty today."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "We're getting to know each other Greg, those were questions that just came up."

House rolled back on his back looking at the ceiling. "So let me get this straight, you get to ask me questions about anything that comes up and I'm supposed to answer those and your question for the day?"

"The deal was that I get to ask one question about your family a day and you have to answer it and tell me something on your own. The questions I asked weren't about your family, even if the answer had to do with them." Wilson said with frustration at the fact that House was already trying to get out of answering the question even before he'd heard it.

House didn't want to answer any questions about his family but at the same time he didn't want to disappoint Wilson, "What's the question?"

Wilson was surprised House didn't put more of a fight and took a deep breath, "You once told me that you hate your father, I want to know why."

House felt his throat close up and shook his head some, "No, I'm not telling you that, pick something else."

"That's not how this works Greg, I ask you something and you answer, that was the deal. I know that this kind of stuff is hard for you but your not even putting an effort in right now." Wilson said getting more frustrated.

House couldn't believe what Wilson was saying, he had no idea what he was asking of him. "I'm not ready to talk about it, that's my choice. You're asking personal stuff and you aren't even trying to start with small questions and work your way up, you're just pushing into the big stuff to start out with. I really think this whole thing is bullshit, I don't think it's right for you to try and force me to open up to you about my past. But I am trying, this just isn't something I'm willing to share right now, so punish me or pick another question." House said with tight jaw while glaring at the ceiling.

Wilson sat up and looked down at House, "You know what I think is bullshit House? I think it's bullshit that I have to make a rule about you opening up to me because I know if I don't it wont happen!" Wilson said loudly watching as House refused to look at him. "Dammit House, look at me when I'm talking to you."

"Is this my punishment? Two hour lecture, because if it isn't you can save your breath and pick a punishment." House said finally looking at him.

Wilson thought about it, he didn't want to make the punishment too easy or House might start just refusing to answer his questions all the time. So that knocked out the lecture, not to mention he didn't feel like yelling at House for two hours since he was tired. No touching was impractical at the moment since House wasn't back to full strength and Wilson might actually need to help him. Having House take him to nice dinner was promising, except that it was hard to find a nice restaurant that was equipped for wheelchairs. He could have him shave off the facial hair, it was easy to do and it would bother House a lot or he could try give House a spanking. He sighed, "Which would you pick between shaving or a spanking?"

House chewed on his lips some, "Shave."

"Fine, spanking it is," Wilson said looking at House. "You didn't really expect me to go with what you chose did you. That would be too easy."

House sat up against the head board, "What are you going to use?" He asked as he began to feel nervous.

Wilson hadn't really thought about that. He didn't want to ever strike House with his hand again, so that was out. "A belt I guess," Wilson said looking to House as he started to feel anxious. "We should just get this over right?"

House was silent, he remembered how his dad had whipped him all over with an old thin belt and how bad the whelps would hurt, sometime they even bleed. When John was through he would put the belt around House's neck and choke him until he almost passed out then he would release it and kick him while degrading him as he tried to breath.

"House, is something wrong with your neck?" Wilson asked as he heard House breathing heavy and watched his hands rubbing it.

House shook his head and let his hands drop from his neck, "No, but it's really late, maybe we should do this in the morning."

"No, I don't want to put this off. It not going to take long," Wilson said feeling more and more like backing out all together, but if he did that House would never take him seriously. Wilson got out of bed and turned on the light then grabbed his belt.

House looked at the belt and could feel his heart race. What if Wilson lost control like last time? What if he never stopped or choked him to death. How mad was Wilson that he wanted to hit him? Would he leave bloody whelps?

Wilson was stunned as he looked at House, all the color had drained from his face as he stared at the belt and his hands shook. Wilson had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach the told him this wasn't the first time a belt had been used on House, but he tried to push it back. "Just lay on you stomach and pull down your pants Greg."

House looked up and Wilson had disappeared it was his father standing before him and House shook his head as his heart rate increased. "No," he whispered as he closed his eyes and then looked back to see Wilson again with the belt looking nervous and scared.

Wilson's skin tingled in a way that said this was wrong, but if he backed down House wouldn't take him seriously right? He had too, plus House had agreed to the spankings as a punishment, as long as he could stop them if it got to be too much. "Greg lay on your stomach and pull down your pants." Wilson said with determination he really didn't have.

House still was staring at the belt and shook his head slightly, "Pant's stay up," he whispered.

Wilson couldn't hear what he said and took a couple of steps toward the bed. House jerked back against the headboard as his breathing became rapid. Wilson stopped as he could see the shear panic on Houses face and looked away taking some deep breaths. He'd thought this might be a little awkward, but he never expected this, and now he wished to god he'd went with a shave as House's punishment. "Greg, what did you say? It's okay."

House took a deep breath trying to calm down, the way he and his body was acting was embarrassing. "The pants stay up," House said at almost normal level still watching the belt.

Wilson wished House would just fight him on this so he could get out of it and save face. "Okay, the pants stay up." He said softly.

House swallowed hard and Wilson watched as his adamsapple bobbed. House took a couple of breaths then closed his eyes and quickly laid on his stomach. "I'm ready," he said softly.

Wilson could see that House and made his hands in to fists to try and cover up the shaking but it didn't mask it very well since the fist was shaking some too. "You sure this is worth not telling me why you hate your father?"

"Just get it over with already," House said as he was doing the best he could to take this like a man.

Wilson walked over and in the light through the thin tee shirt he could see House's vertebrates sticking out. He closed his eyes taking some deep breaths. Here he was standing over a man who'd had surgery only 48 hours ago that was almost starved, with a belt about to hit him? Wilson let out a deep breath opening his eyes, at least he wasn't doing this angry, all of his anger had vanish the first time he looked at House's reaction to the belt. "Okay, I'm about to start, alright?"

"I'm fine," House said still with his eyes closed tight.

Wilson looped the belt in his hand and brought it back some then smacked it against House flannel ass. It sounded harder than what Wilson had thought and he looked at House. It was weird how quite he'd become and his breathing seemed the most calm since Wilson had told him about the spanking. His hands weren't even fisted anymore. Wilson felt slightly better and hit House's ass again... and again... and again. Wilson wondered how many licks he should give House. So far he'd given him four, ten was a good even number. Wilson gave him six more good licks and stopped. "I'm done Greg." Wilson said as he put the belt back up. Wilson was a little concerned when House didn't respond but turned off the light and got back in on his side of the bed. "Greg, this was hard on both of us, but I had teach you a lesson, you understand." He said softly as he scooted close to House but not touching.

"I took it good? I didn't make as sound just like you taught me. I even relaxed my muscles. I'll try better. I'll make you proud someday daddy... I promise. I'm sorry. I wont let you down again sir. I'm a bad boy but I'll straighten up. Please don't hate me daddy." House whispered softly with closed eyes as he curled up into a ball.

Wilson listened in horror as his eyes moistened and took a quick breath when he realized he hadn't been breathing in a while. Had House imagined that Wilson was his father the whole time? "Greg, it's Wilson, please just look at me." Wilson said softly as his wiped his eyes.

House opened his eyes and looked at Wilson with confusion and then around the room some. He could tell that Wilson was upset. "Jimmy, what's wrong?" House asked as he put his arm around him pulling him to his chest. "It's okay James, you can talk to me, I love you."

Wilson cried some on House's shoulder, "I'm so sorry Greg, I'm sorry I spanked you." House suddenly became stiff and Wilson pulled back some, "I'm sorry."

House laid on his back, he remembered Wilson saying he was going to spank him, but after that it was blurry. He'd thought Wilson's crying had woken him up from a nightmare he had about his father... but it hadn't been a nightmare or his father, it had been Wilson which is why he didn't get choked. "Did I say anything?" House asked disturbing the silence of the room.

"It's okay," Wilson choked out.

House turned quickly away from Wilson curling up on his right side, even though it hurt his leg. He popped two vicodin. "It's time for bed." House said shortly.

Wilson knew the best thing he could do for House was to give him his space, even if that was hard to do. Wilson made sure to stay on his side of the bed as he watched House with worry. "I don't hate you Greg," he said softly he wasn't sure House heard it or if he did who he would think said it, Wilson or John, but either way it needed to be said. Wilson didn't even realize he'd fallen asleep until he woke up. House was moving on the other side of the bed and was making noises. Wilson reached out a hand and shook House some, "Hey... it's just a dream, wake up." He said shaking House some more.

House woke up with panicked breathing and Wilson turned on his lamp and sat up looking at him. House was pale and dripping with sweat. "Greg, you alright?" Wilson asked with concern.

House jumped back at the sound of Wilson's voice but then looked at him and nodded, "Yeah, it was just a dream. I'll be fine." He said still trying to catch his breath.

Wilson touched House face and realized that he was freezing. "Your cold, let me hold you and warm you up." He asked. House looked like he was about to fall asleep again and snuggled up to Wilson's chest. Wilson smiled as he wrapped his arms around him and gave him a squeeze. "I still owe you a kiss for the toll." He whispered, but wasn't surprised when it seemed like House had already fallen asleep. Wilson brushed the hair back from his forehead and kissed it, then wrapped his arms around House again. He reached up and turned the lamp off. Two weeks ago if someone would have asked him if he thought he knew House well, the answer would have been yes. That had all changed though when he found out about Tritter and how House felt about him, and even more as this relationship grew. He realized that assuming House had a normal anything was out of question. He obviously didn't have a normal childhood, no home, not normal schooling... nope nothing was ever normal for House. Wilson let his hand rub up and down his back, "I'm so sorry I hurt you." Wilson said softly and put his chin on Houses head then fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12: Massages and Arguments

_Alright people I finally got to get another chapter up and am hoping to get another one up soon. Hope you like it and let me know what you think. Nicole_

When House woke up he was sweaty and intertwined in Wilson's arms and legs. He started to get a warm feeling in his chest until he remembered what had happened the night before and then he wanted out of Wilson's embrace. He slowly worked his way out of the entanglement of Wilson's appendages. Then sat on the edge of the bed thinking about the night before.

"Hey, you should sleep some more," Wilson said softly, and noticed as House's muscles tightened up.

House didn't feel like laying in the same bed he had been punished in especially next to the man who'd done it and heard some of his most private thoughts, but at the same time he didn't want to be punished again. "I'd rather not if that's okay?"

Wilson frowned and set up against the headboard looking at House's back. "I'm sorry about last night."

House grimaced and his already tight muscles tightened more. The punishment hadn't been physically painful, just emotionally. I had reminded him of his father and how his father seemed to enjoy his pain and that terrified House in a way that nothing else could, even more than Tritter. Tritter had rules, he never caused more than bruises, never stayed more that two hours but Wilson was like his father, always there, even now in his bed. Wilson had to have notice how much it had freaked him out but he still did, it didn't stop him. What if he enjoyed it or got a kick out of the power he had over him? House had allowed it, he could have stopped it, but he didn't and part of that was because he loved Wilson and the other part was because when he saw the belt he realized he had no power and Wilson held it all. If House broke up with Wilson, Wilson would get over and he would be the one hurt. If Wilson broke up with him then he would be hurt and Wilson would move on as usual. House swallowed there was no way he would have been able to spank Wilson if he'd freaked out at all, but Wilson didn't even seem to hesitate. It was just another reminder to House that the man he loved didn't share his feeling.

House's silence worried Wilson and he reached over to give him a reassuring touch and House jerked falling off the bed with a hard thud. Wilson jumped out the bed and ran around to aide House.

"I've got it," House said not meeting his eyes and quickly pulling away from Wilson's hand.

It hurt Wilson to see House retreating from him and pissed him off that House had agreed to the spankings when he obviously had a problem with it. "I'm not going to hurt you House!" Wilson said with angered frustration.

House heaved himself into the wheelchair and looked at Wilson for the first time since last night, "You mean again... right Wilson?" He said with cold eyes and rolled into the bathroom locking it.

There wasn't anything Wilson could say back as he watched House keep rolling and heard the locks of the bathroom. He had hurt House physically and emotionally in a way he couldn't never forget or completely forgive himself for. It was also the first time in what seemed like a long time since he had heard House call him by his last name, and he didn't like it. Then it hit him that he had called House by his last name too, and he wanted to physically hit himself. Wilson sighed and made up the bed and started on making some breakfast. He was about half way through when he realized that he hadn't gotten to go to the restroom before House had locked it up, but figured House couldn't stay in there that much longer.

Wilson had been sitting at the table for almost an hour now, breakfast was cold and he still hadn't heard anything from the restroom. He glanced at the clock and stood up, House had occupied the bathroom for an hour and a half already and this was getting ridiculous. Wilson knocked loudly on the door, "Greg, breakfast is cold and I need to go to the restroom!"

House heard something and woke up in a tub of cool water the first thing that came to his mind was one of his fathers favorite punishment for him.. ice baths. House looked around frantically but no one was there, it was just him. He sighed and let the water out of the tub.

Wilson knocked again, "Greg, you about done?"

House looked at the door, "Hey give me a fucking break, I'm a cripple!"

A part of Wilson was happy to hear his voice and the attitude and another part was REALLY needing to pee. "I've really got to go!" Wilson said loudly.

House pulled himself out of the tub and wrapped a towel about his waist. He sat down and drained the tub then softly opened the door to his room and started getting dressed. He heard Wilson say something about how he was about to pee himself and smiled. When he was done getting dressed he rolled out of his room looking at Wilson innocently.

Wilson looked at him with wide eyes and then at the door and back at House with narrowed eyes, "You're an ass," Wilson said and ran around House and into his room then into the restroom.

House laughed and waited for Wilson to come out. When Wilson opened the door he smiled, "Don't you enjoy it more after a wait?"

Wilson narrowed his eyes on House, "No, actually I enjoy it more when I haven't had to wait an hour. What took you so long in there?"

"Well there really are only two possibilities either I stayed in there forever just to annoy you or I fell asleep or something." House said with a smirk, "Take your pick."

Wilson didn't think it was really a hard guess, "Grow up Greg."

House thought about asking if he did if that meant that Wilson wouldn't spank him like he was a child again, but he knew that would only start a conversation he was trying to avoid. "I'll consider it." He said dripping with sarcasm.

"Whatever Greg, let's just eat some breakfast," Wilson said walking over to the table.

House watched him not moving. He wasn't really hungry and he didn't feel like spending time with Wilson right now, he needed his space. "I'm not hungry, actually I think I'll go lay down for a little bit."

Wilson looked at him with frustration, "I suggested that before you got up and you ignored me. Also I cooked this whole breakfast for you. There's eggs, bacon, bagels, coffee, and orange juice."

"I don't remember asking you to cook a huge breakfast for me, and when I got up I wasn't tired." House said with irritation.

"I made you a huge breakfast because I care about you House," Wilson said raising his voice.

House narrowed his eyes on Wilson, "You had a funny way of showing it last night."

Wilson felt guilty and mad, "You agreed to spankings as punishment. How was I suppose to know you were going to flip out and go all mumbling child on me!" House went in his room and closed the door without even responding and Wilson felt worse then he did to begin with. He got up and opened the bedroom door and looked to see House laying with his back to him. "That was a shitty thing for me to say." House didn't respond at all and Wilson sighed, "We should talk about this Greg."

House swallowed, "Later, right now I just want to get some rest." Wilson started walking in and House sighed, "Alone."

Wilson stopped and now it made sense, House hadn't spent more that 10 minutes in a room with him awake since it happened. "You can't stay away from me forever... I didn't know that would happen."

House frown, "Forever no, but how about the next two hours."

Wilson hated that this was happening, "Okay, I get it, but please just let me make you a plate and try to eat something while you're in here. You need to eat Greg."

House let out a deep sigh, "Fine."

Wilson walked in the kitchen and made a plate with large servings of everything and warmed it up in the microwave then took the plate and put in on his end table along with juice and coffee fixed like House did it. "Just come out when you're ready and remember I'm sorry," he said as he left.

Wilson walked out and closed the door. He looked at the food with disinterest but knew he should eat something and fixed a small plate. He couldn't help but wonder if House would eat anything and remember how last night had gone. He wished he'd stopped when House first looked worried, but he was trying to stick to his guns and now he wondered if House would even want a relationship with him.

House looked at the food and drinks, he hadn't been lying when he said he wasn't hungry. As he looked at the plate he thought about Wilson cooking for him and swallowed. It meant a lot to him and he knew if Wilson saw he didn't eat anything then he'd only feel worse. House didn't want that, to be honest he was more embarrassed than mad at Wilson.

House finally came out of the bedroom about an hour and half after going in. Wilson was cleaning the blender with a toothbrush. "Having fun?" he said with the half empty plate in his hand.

Wilson looked at the plate and smiled, "You ate some."

House shrugged, "You went to the trouble to cook it, the least I could do was eat some of it. It was good."

"I'm glad. Greg, I want to talk about this, but I'm not going to push you if you're not ready." Wilson said walking towards him but stopping about four feet away.

House swallowed, "I'm ready to talk," he said looking Wilson in the eyes. "I'm not really mad at you, I'm... embarrassed because of how I reacted. I didn't expect it either, no one's spanked me since my father and that was forty years ago."

Wilson pulled a dinning chair in front of House and sat down looking him directly in the eyes, "Greg, you don't have anything to be embarrassed about. As soon as I saw how upset you were I should have stopped but I was too worried about sticking to my guns then thinking about what I was doing to us."

House looked down away from Wilson, "I should have been stronger. James, I need to know what I said, I don't remember saying anything."

Wilson put his hand on House's knee and felt House stiffen up. "Greg... this isn't going to make it better, and you don't hav..."

"Please," House said looking at him.

Wilson licked his lips, "Before you asked to keep your pants up. After... you asked if you were good, and said you were quite and relaxed your muscles like you were taught. You thought I was your father and you told me that you would make me proud, that you were sorry, that you knew you were bad, and... begged me not to hate you." Wilson had expected to see a reaction in House, just not the one he got.

"Oh," House said sounding relieved. "I'm sorry if I freaked you out sometimes..." He stopped though and met Wilson's eyes. "Stacy said I use to say things in my sleep when I was dreaming and stuff."

Wilson felt like House was holding something back but wasn't sure this was the time to really push. "I think it would help me to understand more if you told me how your father use to spank you, you don't have to but I think it'd help. If you do, that will count as my question for the day."

House licked his lips nervously, "If I tell you... could... could you not look at me."

Wilson frowned but nodded, "Um... yeah if that helps."

"It does," House said and watched as Wilson looked down at the floor. He took a deep breath, "My father started giving me spanking when I was two and stopped when I was six and a half. He would make me go outside in the front yard and stand were everyone could see me in just my underwear, no matter the weather. He had an old thin black belt he kept just for spankings, it had a worn leather smell and it made a pop sometimes if he swung it hard enough in the air." House swallowed. "My father made everything a lesson, even punishments. He'd coach me to remember not to tighten my muscles and if I made any noise..." House could feel his heart racing and shook his head. "I wasn't allowed to make noise. Anyway, he never told me how many there would be he'd just start hitting me with the belt, usually he started on my back side but if it started to go numb from being struck to much he'd move on the my front. It wasn't just my butt, it was all over, sometimes the belt would cut into my skin because it was so thin. When he was done he'd wrap the belt around my neck and he'd pull it tight enough to cut off my air and hold it like that until I was about to pass out. Then he'd let it go and remind me of how bad I was and lucky I was that him and my mom put up with me. Most of the time he'd give me a good kick before going inside and giving me a chore to do outside." House said coldly.

Wilson swallowed, it was worse than he imagined. "Then why did you agree to spankings?"

House shrugged, "I didn't think it would freak me out like it did. I thought you'd just bend me over your knee and give a couple slaps on the ass... thought it could me hot."

Wilson sighed as he wished it had of been instead of what it turned into. "Okay so I think the spankings need to be removed from the punishment and something else can be put in it's place." He said finally looking back up.

"I can agree to that, so what else do you have in mind?" House asked.

"I control your Vicodin for the day," Wilson said thinking it was a good trade.

House looked at him as if he was nuts, "Nope, I'm not agreeing to that."

"Why not?" Wilson asked, "If you trust me then what's the problem."

House blinked at Wilson as he tried to think. He did trust Wilson with somethings, it's just that was a really hard thing to trust anyone with, especially someone who kept mentioning that they wanted you to get clean. Wilson could make him detox every time he broke one of Wilson's rules. "How do I know that you will give me the pills?"

"You'd have to trust me, just like I'll have to trust you to be accurate if I ever had to do a day in your pain." Wilson said giving him a serious look.

House swallowed and looked down, "Fine." He said although he really didn't really agree with this at all.

Wilson could see the resignation on House's face and knew he was struggling with this. "Greg, I know I've made some mistakes lately..." he stopped as House's eye met his and swallowed. "Some big mistakes and I'm sorry, but I promise I'll never..."

"Don't," House said softly and Wilson stopped, "You can't promise what will happen in the future. You can promise to try or do your best, but you can't promise to never do something."

Wilson frowned as he put a hand on House's face, "I promise to try my best not to hurt you again. I care about you Greg."

House searched his eyes, "You don't get it. I love you, it isn't about me being afraid of you."

"Then what's it about?" Wilson asked confused.

"It's about what you can take away," House said then his face softened and worried at the same time. "You already have something," he looked down, "more important to me than any drug that you can take away and now you can take away my Vicodin too."

Wilson looked at him in awe as it finally, REALLY hit him. House LOVED him, he could crush the huger than life man that was Gregory House just by walking out a door just like Stacy had, if not more so. Wilson scooted to the edge of his seat and put his hand on House's shirt over his heart.

House closed his eyes and put his hand on top of Wilson's, "There's not a lot of pieces left so... please be careful."

Wilson swallowed at the softness in House's voice and leaned in giving him and kiss then leaned back looking in House's blue eyes. "I'll be careful. You really love me, don't you?"

House wished more than anything right now that he could walk. He wanted to be able to pick up Wilson and take him in the bedroom and show him how much he meant to him in a way where words fell short. "Sit on my lap," House said in a pleading voice. Wilson was about to say something and House beat him to it, "It's okay sit on my left leg, please."

Wilson wasn't sure what House was going to do, but after a man tells you that you hold their heart in your hands... it's kind of hard to argue. Wilson stood up and started trying to maneuver to sit on House's lap when House put a arm under his knees and around his back making his fall right in place. Wilson looked around to make sure he wasn't on House's bad leg and then back at him expecting some kind of witty response instead it was met with House's demanding lips on his.

House had Wilson right where he wanted him and while kissing him started rolling slowly to his room. He was having a hard time not getting caught up too much in the physical and remembering to roll. He had about found his groove when he heard and bump and then Wilson's face plowed into his knocking their foreheads together. House rolled back looking at Wilson, "You alright?"

Wilson couldn't help but laugh at the situation. "Yeah, I'm fine. Way to go, Dr. Smooth Move."

House's face dropped some, "It's a bit pathetic, isn't it."

"No, not at all. I think it's romantic and sweet." Wilson said softly and kissed House's neck.

House gasped at how good it felt and looked at the doorway with determined eyes. He took his time getting through the door way while seemed to be working double time to distract him with his wonderful lips and warm tongue and those teeth that were constantly moving on his neck. When he got into the room he rolled over to the bed. "On the bed," he growled.

Wilson had never heard him sound so sexy and jumped off House and on to the made bed completely dresses. He saw House push himself out of the wheelchair and sit on the edge. He began to wonder what he was doing and then realized he was taking off his shoes so Wilson toed off his shoes and tried to kick them quietly off the bed but of course on hit loud and Wilson grimaced.

House looked back at him with a smile, "Did you get in my bed with your shoes on?"

"No... well yes, but I they're off now," Wilson said feeling awkward.

House's smile grew, "You nervous? It's okay." He said as he laid on the bed facing Wilson.

"No... maybe a little, but it's just the shoes..." Wilson stopped as House's thumb raked across his bottom lip.

"I'd don't give damn about the shoes, James." House said looking at his lips and then leaned in kissing him. Wilson had expected the kiss to be needy and intense, but it wasn't. It was soft and lingering like smell of honeysuckle in the air on a warm summers day.

"Just relax," House whispered and then started kissing Wilson's neck. He heard Wilson let out a deep breath and let his hand rub up and down Wilson's arm tenderly. They had all day and he wasn't in any hurry to get this over with. He hadn't yet got a chance to really explore Wilson's body like he'd wanted to do. Which was a shame since it was truly one of House's favorite things to do. He wanted to know what Wilson liked and how he liked it.

"Mmm," Wilson moaned softly as he felt House kiss his jaw and was rewarded by House sucking it softly. He bit his lip as he closed his eyes trying to just enjoy the good work House was doing.

House looked at Wilson and smiled at how relaxed he looked. "That's it, I'm going to give you a massage if that's okay?"

Wilson smiled and peeked at House with one eye open, "You're just trying to get me naked."

House smirked at him, "Maybe... it'll probably end up there but right now I just want to you to let me know what feels good and if something bothers you let me know. Now it's time for you to close those eyes and relax." He watched as Wilson closed his eyes and started rubbing his scalp.

Wilson was so relaxed he thought he might just fall back asleep when he felt House's tongue go in his ear and jerked while giggling. "Okay, not something I enjoy." He said with a smile keeping he's eyes closed.

House smiled, it wasn't most people's thing but you never know until you try. "But it does make you giggle like a girl. So, if I want to make you laugh all I have to do is stick my tongue in your ear."

Wilson looked at House, "Don't," he said warningly even though he was smiling.

"I do love to hear you laugh," House said with an evil grin.

"You know two can play at that game," Wilson said tapping his fingers on House's ribs.

House rolled his eyes, "You're no fun. Okay, no more sticking my tongue into holes... unless you ask of course."

Wilson closed his eyes and felt House start taking his shirt off. Wilson lifted himself to make it easier and House guided him to lay on his stomach and then he felt House strattle him sitting on his ass. House worked on massaging his neck and shoulders and then his back. "You really are good at this massaging thing."

"I get plenty of practice," House said casually and scooted back some and started kissing and nuzzling his way up Wilson's back.

"Damn your whiskers for feeling so good," Wilson said as squirmed some.

House laughed as he made his way up to the back of Wilson's ear. "Oh, you like that do you."

Wilson gasped at the sound of House's voice as his breath tickled his ear while the front of House's body was pressed so wonderfully against the back of his. He ground his ass against House and heard his breaths quicken.

"Oohhh," House moaned in Wilson's ear.

"Aaaahhh," Wilson moaned louder.

House pulled back some, this isn't want he wanted. He wanted this to be slow and thought out not hot and needy. "James, it's time for you to flip over."

Wilson felt the chill of the air as House pulled away from him. He was wondering what he'd done wrong when he was asked to flip over. Wilson did at looked to see House's face in thought. "Why did you pull away?" He asked laying on his back between House's legs.

House could tell Wilson was disappointed, "I'm just wanting to take it slow today. What exactly was it that got your temperature up?"

"When you talked into my ear was the biggest thing but the weight of your body on mine felt good too." He said looking up at House's body, "So when do I get to do this to you."

House looked away with some distaste, "Maybe if we make it level four."

"What the hell does that mean?" Wilson said as House's response felt like a cup of cold water being dumped on him.

House closed his eyes, "Just... don't worry about it."

Wilson grabbed at his shirt, "Okay, I wont worry about it and you can just forget about this."

"You're an idiot. Everything was fine, don't ruin this." House said looking at Wilson with frustration.

"Get off me," Wilson said as he felt himself getting madder.

"No, I'm not going to let you ruin this, just because my answer wasn't want you wanted to hear." House said raising his voice and leaning down over Wilson.

Wilson pushed him back, "Me ruin this? The only one that ruins things is YOU HOUSE! You distroy everything you fucking touch with your God damn MOUTH, just like our friendship! Now get the hell off of me!"

House felt like all the air had been knocked out of him as he heard Wilson's words. "I... James... don't..." but before he could say anything else Wilson pushed him off by jerking his leg. House tried to catch himself but failed making most of his weight shift to his right thigh as he hit the bed his leg jerked causing him to keep rolling and falling on the floor hitting the back of his head on the way down.

As soon Wilson realized what was happening he tried to grab him but it was too late as he heard a loud bang fallowed by a thud as House hit the floor. Wilson scrambled into a sitting position and looked over the bed. "House? Are you okay?" He asked with panic.

House wasn't sure what Wilson said as his eyes looked toward the voice and he saw a blur. He grimaced as his thigh reminded him that it was angry with him by the only way it knew how which was a sharp pain and his stomach let out another sharp pain as if it was trying to compete.

Wilson jumped out of the bed and over House as he put his shirt on while bending over him. "House, how's your head?"

House's eyes once again moved toward the voice that was once again not making words as he began breathing rapidly. He tried to focus and he finally saw Wilson clearly as his he stomach lurched and his mouth opened.

Wilson quickly pulled him on his side to make sure he did asphyxiate as House vomited on the floor. He scooted back some in the squatting position as the vomit spread and even more came out House. Then his eyes noticed a drop of blood land in it and he looked up to see that there was a blood dripping down his neck for his head. Wilson got up and ran to the bathroom grabbing a clean towel and some alcohol. When he got back House was holding the top of his body out of the puke with his right arm. "Come on," Wilson said as he tried to drag House away from the vomit.

House grunted as the movement make everything dizzy and blurry again and it felt like it wasn't ever going to stop as he moved his arms to try and make the moving stop. When it finally did stop he felt himself being propped up against something hard and cool.

"If you need to vomit do it in there," Wilson said as he pushed faced House toward the tub some. "I've got to see how bad this gash is on your head." He told House even though he still hadn't managed to get a response from him. He opened the bottle of alcohol and poured some on the cut then he started wiping at it softly with the towel.

House felt something cold run down his head and neck, which he thought was weird and out of nowhere a stinging pain came from his head making him jerk it.

"Stop moving, I have to get it clean to see how bad it is," Wilson said as he poured more alcohol.

The jerk didn't set well with his body and he hung his head over the tub and emptied himself of what little ruminates of food was left along with stomach acid and some bile at the end. "Killer headache... vomiting... don't remember... Concussion?" He asked.

Wilson could finally see the cut on House's head and even though it was big it was looked to be just superficial. "Yeah," he answered not really surprised that House was diagnosing himself.

House spit out the bitter taste of bile from his mouth. "My head hurts," he said softly.

"I know, when you feel well enough to move I'll take you to the hospital," Wilson said.

"Why?" House asked sounding surprised.

Wilson sighed, "Because you have a concussion, not to mention a three to four inch cut on the back of your head."

"So, you're a doctor right?" House said holding the towel in place an looking at Wilson. "I'm pretty sure I remember you being a doctor."

Wilson couldn't believe House was actually trying to get out of this. "Yes I'm a doctor but unfortunately I seemed to have forgotten my portable hospital."

House frowned as he thought and then held the towel tighter as his head hurt more as he tried to think. "Get me my backpack."

"Why?" Wilson asked getting curious.

"Because I'm can't walk right now and I'd prefer not to go crawling around on the floor on the account of the cut and concussion," House said back condescendingly.

Wilson rolled his eyes and grabbed his backpack from the living room and then put it beside him when he was back in the bathroom. He watched as House unzipped some pockets and one by one started pulling out items Wilson would need to do the stitches. There was a very thin fishing line for the thread, a needle, alcohol, a candle which House lit, gloves that were still packaged, iodine, a cold compress to use instead of ice, triple antibiotic ointment, and bandaging supplies. Wilson looked at every item and back at House as he zipped back up the backpack. "Why do you have this stuff?"

House closed his eyes, "Does it matter?" He asked ask he moved the cold compress to get it cold and then wrapped the towel around it and pressed it to the cut on his head.

Wilson frowned as he's eyes scanned the items, "No, I'm not doing this. I'm taking you to the hospital."

"I don't need a hospital, I'm fine. Now just do the damn stitches," House said with aggravation.

"I said NO! Just like I told you to get off of me before any of this happened, but you didn't listen then and look what happened." Wilson said looking at him.

House closed his eyes and remember most of what happened. "I didn't think you were ready to go public about us yet." He said looking at Wilson.

"What US? There is no us House." Wilson said looking at him.

House looked up at him with big fearful eyes, "We... we just had an argument."

"An argument that lead to you forcing yourself on me and you getting a concussion!" Wilson yelled.

"I didn't force myself on you I was trying to get you to listen to reason," House said glaring at Wilson.

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Call it whatever you like but I asked you to get off of me and you didn't, that's forcing yourself on me."

House's hands turned to fists as he felt his heart race. "No, that isn't forcing yourself on someone. To force yourself on someone you can't be on them to start with. See, someone has to beat you into some kind of submission first and then crawl on top of you, of course it never ends there. All I did was refuse to give up when you did."

Wilson hated that he knew House was describing something that had happened to him. "Either way it doesn't matter. I'm taking you to the hospital."

"They'll ask what happened," House said meeting Wilson's eyes.

Wilson shrugged, "So lie."

House closed his eyes, "I've already lied for you once, I'm not doing it again."

Wilson sat down on the ground, "Fine, I'll do the stitches." He said as he pulled the towel from House's head. They were both quiet the whole time and when Wilson finished he bandaged it up and walked out of the bathroom.

House started crawling to the living room when Wilson walked past him gather his stuff in his bag. "You're leaving?" He asked.

Wilson looked down at House who was looking at him with betrayed eyes, "Yeah, obviously we're not good for each other. I can give Cuddy a call before I go, see if she can watch you for the next two days for the concussion."

"I'll tell you. I'll tell you anything you want to know, just don't. Please don't do this." House said as his eyes began to tear up.

Wilson hated how pitiful House looked, "Sorry, I can't."

House felt his breathing become panic as he leaned again the wall for support as he heard Wilson go into the bedroom and grab some things.

Wilson felt a couple of tears run down as he gathered his stuff from the bedroom. He kept hurting House and he couldn't allow that to happen anymore. It wasn't on purpose, but still it happened and it wasn't like it was going to work out anyway. House couldn't even trust Wilson enough to let him see his body. Nope it wasn't going to work and House had predicted it from the beginning. Wilson threw the last things in the duffel bag and walked out. He stopped and looked at House who had some tear stains down his eyes and if Wilson had been doubting his decision before he wasn't anymore, he couldn't be the one that kept making House cry. "I'm sorry, you were right. This never had a chance."

House grabbed his leg as he walked by and Wilson stopped and looked at him. "P.. please, don't... don't leave." He pleaded as more tears fell and he didn't even try and stop them. "I'll get naked... you can see my body. I'll do whatever you want. PLEASE!"

Wilson shook his head as he looked at House, "I'm bad for you, can't you see that?"

"It was an accident! I love you James. I LOVE YOU!" House screamed as his voiced started to become hoarse.

Wilson had never had a breakup this bad, "I'll call Cuddy for you, she'll watch over you." He said as he took out his phone and dialed her number.

"Hello?" Cuddy said as she picked up her phone.

"Cuddy, it's Wilson, I need you to watch House." Wilson said somberly.

"NO! DON'T DO THIS! I NEED YOU!" House pleaded as he looked up at Wilson.

Cuddy could hear it over the phone, "What happened?" she asked with panic.

Wilson shook his head, "I'll tell you later, but right now I've got to get out of here and I can't do that until someone gets here."

Cuddy could hear House crying in the background, "Fine I'll be over there as soon as I can," she said and hung up.

Wilson looked down at House, "I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you. I never wanted this to happen."

"You... you don't have to go," House said with red rimmed eyes as he looked at Wilson.

"Yes I do," Wilson said softly.

House grabbed his pills out of his pocket and looked at them, "I'll stop... I'll stop the Vicodin... for you I'd stop." He said looking up at him. "You can have them."

Wilson's bottom lip trembled as he looked at House holding the bottle out to him. "I'm sorry."

House threw the bottle across the room hard, "You said you wanted to come HOME TO ME!"

Wilson felt a new wave of tears start down his face. "Oh God. House..."

"NO! It's GREG... I'm Greg, and you're …. you're James." House said between sniffles.

"In two days I got to know you better than I knew you for a decade before. I want to thank you for that House." Wilson said as he squatted down looking at him.

House shook his head, "You said you'd be careful!" He yelled as he looked up at Wilson. "You said... you'd … be careful only a couple of hours ago!"

Wilson wrapped his arms around House in a hug and held him like that until Cuddy knocked on the door. "It's open," He said loudly and she walked in to see him hugging House, and as he pulled away House started sobbing harder.

"No! PLEASE James... don't..." He begged again.

Wilson got out of House's grasps and walked up to Cuddy with tears still trickling down his face. "Hey," he said as he looked at her.

"What happen?" She asked.

Wilson shook his head, "I uh... I can't go into it all right now. We got into an argument and he ended up falling off the bed. He hit his head pretty hard. I did the stitches and he vomited some, but he seems alright physically otherwise. Needs someone to watch him though, it was a concussion. I ended it and he's..." Wilson looked back at Greg who was now curled up in a ball crying, "we're both having a hard time with it. Call me later, I'll tell you more, but I have to go." Wilson said and before she could say anything he grabbed the bag and walked out the door closing it behind him.

Cuddy looked at House, so broken he was unrecognizable. "House?" she said softly, but he didn't respond.


	13. Chapter 13: Dreams and Drugs

Cuddy looked at House, so broken he was unrecognizable. "House?" she said softly, but he didn't respond, he just kept shaking as he cried. She hated herself for not really knowing what to do. Cuddy hadn't seen many men cry, and never seen a man crying like this, which was only made more awkward by the fact that it was House. She felt like she was suppose to comfort him in someway, but to be honest she was afraid to death that if she tried that, she'd only make things worse. She walked into the bathroom to see the stitching supplies still out and some vomit in the tub. She turned on the shower and got it to go down then scrubbed it with the little supplies House had in the restroom. She then walked into the bedroom and saw the vomit and blood on the ground. "Thank you Wilson," she said with dread and grabbed a dustpan from the kitchen along with scraper and eventually got it all up and cleaned the area.

She'd spent about thirty minutes cleaning it all up and walked back in the living room to see the ball that was House had become silent. "Hey," she said softly. He swallowed as he seemed to be looking out in the distance with unfocused eyes. Cuddy put a hand on his shoulder, but once again didn't get any kind of response. "We need to get you into bed. Doesn't that sound better?" She asked, but he didn't respond. She grabbed the wheelchair and bent down beside him and heard the rapid shallow breathing. She grabbed on to him and pulled up. His body didn't seem to fight it, but it didn't really help that much either. "House, please say something, anything?" Cuddy asked as she looked at him, but he didn't.

She felt of his skin and it was slick with sweat and cold as ice. He was in shock. "What happened?" She asked softly then rolled him into the bedroom. "I'm just going to check your blood pressure," Cuddy told him, not feeling right about just doing it without asking. It was real low and she swallowed. "Okay, it's almost over now. I just need to get you in the bed and elevate your legs to get your blood pressure more around normal." She didn't really expect him to respond at all. She pulled him out of the seat and pushed him to sit on the bed. Then she moved his arm and legs for him so that he was on his back with his legs propped up on a pillow and his face turned to the side, just in case he vomited again. She took off his shoes and grabbed a thick blanked out of his closet then put it over him. "I'm just going to be in the living room, okay? If you need anything let me know." She wished he'd do something; blink, yell... just something to let her know he could hear her. She bent down and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "It's going to be okay, it has to be." She gently closed his eyelid so his eyes wouldn't get dry and they stayed down.

Cuddy left the door open and walked into the bathroom. She was trying her best to stay calm for him but she was scared and frustrated. She had no real idea of what all had happened and she'd never seen House like this. She ran some cool water in the sink and rinsed her face off. Who would have thought that on a Saturday afternoon she would get a call and end up here with House in shock. She looked at her phone, it was only 5:17pm. She wanted to call Wilson and at least figure some of this out. She looked back in on House but he hadn't moved and she pulled to door almost closed and decided she would walk outside a minute to get some air before calling him. She needed to calm down herself. She opened the apartment door and took a breath about to go outside when she heard a movement and looked to her left to see Wilson sitting on his duffel bag.

"How is he?" He asked softly. His face was covered in red splotches from crying.

Cuddy let out a deep sigh at how pathetic he looked, "He's in shock." She said and swallowed. "What the hell happened?"

Wilson looked in the open door, "Where is he?"

She followed his eyes to the spot where House had been sitting before she physically moved him to the bed. "I put him in the bed. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to, but he's so.. light." She said with a grimace. "Come on in, we can talk in the living room."

He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, but at the same time he hadn't been able to make himself leave, so why not. He also knew that Cuddy wanted to be close in case House needed something. He got up off the duffel bag and walked in sitting down on the couch with a heavy thud. "I really screwed this up."

Cuddy looked at him and sat down beside him. She was mad at him but knew how difficult House could be and took a deep breath. "He doesn't make it easy. So what happened?"

Wilson swallowed, "I don't know. It was stupid really." He shook his head. "He told me that this wouldn't work and I pushed him to give us a shot and now look at him."

She could see that she wasn't going to get anything out of him if she didn't direct the conversation some. "Okay, what happened this morning, from the time you woke up until now."

He licked his pale lips. "I woke up when House did. He was still upset about last night."

"Why? What happened last night?" Cuddy asked.

Wilson hung his head in shame. "I spanked him."

She was sure she had misheard him. "Did you say you spanked him? Like actually spanked or is that some kind of sex term?"

He looked over at her with haunted eyes, "He only agreed to trying a relationship if we had clear cut rules and punishments for breaking those rules. One of my rules was that he had to answer a question I asked him about his family everyday. He refused last night and since he'd agreed to spankings as punishment I chose to implement it. It was a mistake." He said looking back at the floor.

Cuddy blinked as she thought about House actually getting a spanking, it was so... weird. "Did you hit him too hard?"

"No," Wilson said. "I didn't want to hit him with my hand so I opted for a belt. I could tell as soon as I picked it up that something was wrong. He just stared at it with big wide eyes. I knew something was wrong, but I thought if I backed down... then he'd just walk all over me. So I went through with it and after... he... must have thought I was his father, and when he realized it was me and what had happened he pulled away. We went to bed and this morning he tried to avoid me. I finally told him that we had to talk about it and he asked for a little more time. When he finally came out we talked. He told me how his father use to spank him, it was... bad, and we agreed to ban the spanking in favor that I could control his Vicodin for a day as a punishment." He swallowed and looked at Cuddy. "He seemed worried and said that he wasn't afraid of me, but what I could take away. He said that I already had his heart and asked me to be careful with it because there weren't many pieces left and I... I..." he stuttered look at the door to House's bedroom.

She put a hand on his back as a he choked up some. "I know you didn't want this."

He looked up, "Oh God Cuddy, he never lets anyone in and he was... he was trying so hard, and I just crushed him. He got me to sit in his wheelchair with him and rolled me to the bed, it was so sweet. I can't believe it went so bad, and it was my fault. Everything was good until I asked when I was going to get to explore his body some and I could feel him emotional retreating. He said maybe if we hit level four, level four is marriage." He explained. "It just hurt me that he didn't trust me and I asked why and of course he said to just forget about it, which I didn't do. I got mad and told him that if he wasn't comfortable sharing his body then I wasn't comfortable sharing mine. He called me an idiot and told me not to ruin what was happening. I... I said he was the one that ruined everything. I said he ruined our friendship with his mouth and yelled at him to get off of me."

Wilson took some deep breaths, "I could see in his eyes that really hurt him when I said it. I tried to give him a good nudge to get off of me with my leg... but he's so light now. He just lost his balance and by the time I realized it he was already on the floor. When I got him in the bathroom and realized how bad the cut was on his head I told him I was going to take him the hospital. Well.. you can imagine how that went over, and in the end he talked me into do the stitches." He looked back at Cuddy. "He told me if he went they would ask what happened... and I told him to lie. I didn't want anyone to know about us. I mean, by then I'd already decided to end it. As soon as he fell off that bed I'd decided. Anyway, he starts pulling all of these supplies out of that backpack he's always carrying. It was crazy, and then I did the stitches. When I was done I started gathering my things and he... he just... I've never seen him like that." He said sadly looking back at the door. "I definitely didn't expect that."

Cuddy rubbed his back some, "Wilson, it sounds like it was just an accident. Both of you were arguing and he wouldn't get off so you gave him a nudge. I mean you didn't want him to get hurt, did you?"

"No, of course not!" He answered quickly.

She believed him, "He loves you Wilson, are you sure you just want to walk away from that, over an accident that could have happened to anyone?"

Wilson licked his lips as he looked at the bedroom door, "He deserves better than this."

"He deserved to have a chance at love, if you think you could ever love him," Cuddy said softly. "If things weren't going good and you don't care for him like that I understand using this as an excuse to leave, but if you were happy and thought that it could work, then you're an idiot."

He swallowed as he looked at her, "It was good, but I was afraid the whole time."

"Afraid of... House? He's an ass, but he wouldn't hurt a fly Wilson," She said trying to wrap her mind around the idea of fearing House.

"No... I was afraid of falling for him. It feels like it would be the easiest thing in the world to do but... it's so strong. How I feel about him is just... it feels like I could smoother under its weight. He's been wanting to go slow and I keep feeling myself having to really try not to go faster, because it... he... feels so... good. I've been married three times and I've never felt for them for even a second what all I feel when I'm with him." Wilson looked at her with tear filled eyes. "If I let myself fall in love with him... I don't know if I'd make it if we didn't work."

Cuddy bit her lip as she looked at the bedroom door, "Do you really think he could ever leave you after the way he was begging you to stay? I've never heard him beg like that, not for drugs or anything before."

He sighed, "You didn't even hear the half of it, he was bargaining everything to get me to stay. He even told me he'd give up Vicodin if I'd just stay and then he started bringing things up I'd said to him, like promising to be careful with his heart. I mean... it just make me want to die hearing it from him."

"Then don't do this Wilson. Don't walk away from him, and if you do then at least have the decency to call it what it is. I know you care about him and I'm sure that being afraid to hurt him is part of it, but the biggest reason you're running from this is because your afraid of how much you care about him. You're afraid to really love someone one because you could get hurt, and isn't that the exact reason House was afraid to give it a shot, but you talked him into it, and now you're the one being chicken. He really loves you Wilson." She said with exasperation.

"Don't you think I know that?" Wilson said loudly. "It's not healthy for him to love me that much. It isn't healthy for anyone to love anyone as much as he loves me. He said I could do anything to him and you know what? I believe him! I think if I grabbed a bat and just started hitting him over and over again he'd still want to be with me and that's not good. You know what his rules for automatic break up was. Hospitalization, Cheating, and Threatening to leave." He swallowed, "Accident or not he got a concussion today because I nudged him with my leg, that should have been hospitalization, but he refused to go. Then I told him I was leaving, which is threatening to leave, but he kept begging me to stay. By his own rules he should be through with me but he was pleading and begging me to stay, promising to do anything to keep me. Can you imagine how scary it would be to be with someone like that? Someone who you know will put up with anything you do because they love you that much and value themselves so little."

Cuddy could see his point, "Then make him value himself, help him to learn how to love himself, but walking out on him isn't going to do that. All that will do is confirm his theory that he isn't worth anyone's time or love. Prove to him that he isn't unlovable."

"He needs his rest," He said looking at the bedroom door.

"No... he needs you," She said back putting a hand on his shoulder.

Wilson looked at he door with guilt ridden eyes, "He won't take me back... he shouldn't, not after this."

"He will if you explain why you left the same way you did to me. That man loves you more than I've ever seen someone love another. He'll understand." Cuddy said with confidence.

Wilson bit his lip as he stood up and walked towards the door, when he got close enough he realized it wasn't closed and pushed it open. House's body was laid out on the bed with a big blanket over him. "Greg?" he said softly but there was no response. Wilson swallowed as he walked in and over to House. "I'm sorry... can you hear me?" He asked looking at him. Wilson pulled the cover back and held his hand, which felt clammy. "Fuck this," he said and climbed in on the other side of the bed and cuddled up to House's still body. "I'm here, and I'm not leaving." He said as he turned House's head towards him.

He moved some as he opened his eyes to see House looking at him. "Um, hi." Wilson said looking at House, while wondering how long he'd slept.

House seemed confused by the statement and then disappointed. "Fuck, it's another dream."

Wilson raised an eyebrow, "This isn't a dream. You suffered a concussion and we broke up and then I left and you went into shock."

House smirked at him, "Fine, you're not a dream. You're a hallucination, which is why you can only tell me stuff I already know."

Wilson propped himself on his elbow, "I'm not a dream or a hallucination. I came back because what I did was stupid."

House smiled some, "You being stupid counts as something I already knew. Sorry I need to get some more rest until I finally regain complete consciousness." He said closing his eyes, so Wilson leaned down and kissed him softly. House opened his eyes and pushed Wilsons chest until he finally stopped. House's eye were filled with hurt, "Don't... don't do that. All that proves is that I'll always remember how good it was to kiss him... how soft your," he shook his head, "his lips were. You're nothing but a ghost of my memories, with him, locked up somewhere in my brain."

"If you believe that then ask me a question," Wilson said looking in his bloodshot eyes.

"Fine, if you could sleep with anyone in the world, who would it be?" House asked.

"It'd be you," Wilson answered looking at him.

"Yep, this is definitely my brain fucking with me," House said with narrowed eyes.

"No it isn't and my answer proves that. You would never think I'd pick you, because you don't think anyone would pick you." Wilson said grabbing his hand.

House looked scared as he listened to Wilson's reasoning and pulled back some, "No... no, you left. I saw you leave even with me begging you not too."

Wilson nodded sadly at the vulnerability he heard in House's voice. "I know, I'm so sorry. I... I'm afraid, that's why I left, but I didn't get more than two feet from the door. Cuddy talked to me... and made me realized what an idiot I've been."

"It's the Vicodin isn't it. That's why you came back because I told you I'd quit it for you?" House asked as his eyes searched Wilson's with a mixture of confusion and worry.

"No, I don't want you to quit anything for me. I came back because... the main reason I left was because I'm afraid of falling in love with you. You just... the way I feel when I'm with you isn't like anyone else. I have to hold myself back because all I want is more when I'm with you. I want to know more, I want to touch more, I want to" Wilson blushed, "do more with you." He could see some worry in House eyes. "I know you've had a lot happen lately, so I'm taking it slow for you. I want it to be right went we finally... when I finally do that with you. I don't want you thinking of any of the others that have forced you in anyway."

House swallowed, "If you want to fuck me you can, just don't go."

Wilson grimaced at the offer and shook his head, "No... no, I want you to be ready." He saw House starting to undo his pants and Wilson put his hands on top of his and could feel them shaking. "Cuddy's here." He said trying to stop him.

House stopped giving him a disgusted look, "Why? You want her to... be involved in this... in us?"

Wilson took a couple of seconds before he realized what House meant and then he understood the disgust. "Oh God no. Alright look at me. We aren't having sex tonight with anyone."

"But you want to have sex with me," House stated.

"Yes, eventually," Wilson said.

House's hands were fisted as his jaw flexed, "And the reason you left is that you want more than I was giving. I don't want to lose you Jimmy. I mean it, anything you want I'll do. If you want sex... you can have it."

"No, I don't want it like this... as some bartering tool. I need you to be ready to share your body with me, and trust me. I want it to be special, I want to make love you Greg. I want you to enjoy it." Wilson said looking in his eyes.

House frowned, "That's what I wanted but it might take a while and I know what you do when your needs aren't getting met. I don't want to be another ex, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep you."

Wilson swallowed, "Greg I'm not leaving you."

"But you did today... you walked away." House said as his voice shook.

"I know and I'm sorry for that," Wilson said. "Can I check you're pulse and blood pressure?" House nodded and he checked. "Blood pressure is good, but your pulse is high. You want to get in the wheelchair and have dinner. We need to go out there soon. Cuddy's still waiting to see how you are."

House's eyes widened, "What do you mean? Did she see me... like... that?"

Wilson nodded and House pulled back from him, "Greg... it's okay. She wont tell anyone. It's okay to cry."

House didn't look like he believed it though, "Why did she come over?"

"I called her too. I was leaving but there wasn't anyway I was going to leave you alone after a concussion, so I asked her to come over to monitor you." Wilson explained.

"You asked her to come over... when I was like that? Did you even consider how I'd feel about her seeing me crying and begging you to stay? She's still my boss." House said looking at him with hurt eyes.

"At the moment I was more worried about your health then how you'd feel about her seeing you cry Greg. Now let's get back out there." Wilson said and got off the bed.

House let out a frustrated sigh, "Wait," he said watching as Wilson walked to his side.

"What?" Wilson asked as he could feel himself getting frustrated and took a calming breath.

"What are we now?" House asked searching Wilson's eyes.

Wilson blinked, "I thought we were a couple again, isn't that what you want?"

House looked at him with hurt and anger, "You left, just walked even with me BEGGING you to stay. You... you still just left and... now you expect what? You want us to pretend it just didn't happen?"

Wilson's lip twitched as he looked at House and he could feel his heart jump in his throat, "You're right, I... should just leave." He said and turned away to leave.

"STOP! STOP WALKING AWAY!" House yelled with a hoarse voice and Wilson stopped but didn't turn to face him. House grimaced as he moved the blanket off of him and scooted to the edge of the bed. He almost let out a pained whimper when his right leg fell off the edge to hang over the bed, but he managed to keep it in by biting his lips. He took a couple of deep breaths and licked his lips tasting the tell tell metallic taste of blood on them from biting them so hard. He glanced over at the back of Wilson. "If I didn't want you here I would have said that in the beginning. If there is one thing I'm not, it's shy."

Wilson turned around looking at House, "Then what do you want House? I can't take it back, it happened. I said I was sorry... what else can I do?"

House swallowed, "I need to know that you'll think about it next time. That you'll take longer than the five seconds it took you to decide to walk away from this. That you'll take us seriously and stop running every time it gets hard or I say something you don't want to hear. I need to know you'll put more time in deciding to leave me then you do deciding what to eat for dinner. I have to know I'm more important to you than... Chinese or Italian." He said now staring at the wheelchair.

Wilson wished he could argue, but House was right. He'd made the decision automatically without really putting that much thought into it. As soon as he realized House had gotten hurt he decided he was leaving him. He hadn't even allowed himself to question it and if Cuddy hadn't talked to him, then he would probably still be sitting outside House's door. "I didn't mean to make you feel..." He started and saw House close his eyes and swallow. Wilson walked back over to him, "Jesus Greg, of course you're more important to me than dinner." Then he saw something he hadn't noticed in the bed. "Is that blood on your lip?"

House sat up straighter, "Just a little, it's fine."

"But what happened?" Wilson asked taking a step closer and barely bumping House's right leg and was surprised when he heard a painful hiss come from House. House might gripe about his leg but he rarely vocalized the pain, and if he did then it was bad. "How long has your leg been hurting?" Wilson asked with worry.

"Since the fall," House said looking at the leg.

"Why didn't you tell me or hell take some Vicodin?" Wilson asked with exasperation.

House looked up at him with serious yet hesitant eyes, "Because I know you don't like it when I take them." He said flatly.

This was one of the things that scared Wilson about being with House, the idea that he would endure physical pain just to avoid upsetting him. "Alright, lets get you in the chair and then we can go in the living and I'll see if I can find where your pills landed. Then we'll eat and either later tonight or tomorrow we'll talk more about us. I know you want to talk, but you need to eat, and I don't want you in pain." Wilson said.

House swallowed as he felt some sweat roll down his face as the pain was pushing his limits. He put his left foot on the ground and stood up before it buckled and Wilson caught him under the arm. Wilson could see his veins in his neck sticking out as he bit his lip. He tightened his grip as his felt House's arm shaking from the pain and put his arm under House's legs picking him up. He heard a whimper come from House as he buried his face in Wilson's neck and pulled on his shirt trying to get even closer to him.

"Hey, it's okay. I've got you." Wilson whispered to him, holding him as tight as he could without hurting his leg anymore than it was. He hated how light House was and that he could feel House's vertebrates jabbing into his arm as if there was nothing between the two. He took small slow steps so that he didn't jostle House but when he started to lean down to put House in the wheelchair, House whimpered again against Wilson's neck and tightening his grip. "Greg, I need you to loosen the grip so I can put you down, unless you want me to walk out there holding you like this. You're light enough it doesn't bother me either way."

House loosened his grip. Cuddy had already witnessed him at a level of patheticness that he was so ashamed of he didn't know how long it would be before he felt comfortable around her again. He cringed as his body shook from the pain of being move down to the wheelchair, when he was in it he let go of Wilson pulling back from him. "Sorry," he said with a look of defeat.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," Wilson told him.

"You shouldn't have to carry me around." House said glaring at his leg, "No wonder you left."

Wilson sighed, "No this wasn't about the leg Greg. I wouldn't care if you were a quadriplegic, we still would have had the same fight and the same things would have happened. Don't make me, like you do everything else, about the leg."

"Fine," House said and rolled into the restroom and to his surprise Wilson followed him in. He turned on the light and rinsed his face. He wondered how bad he looked but the mirror was too high for him to look at. "So... do I look as bad as I did when I was detoxing?" House said as he turned toward Wilson.

It was the first time Wilson had seen him in the light without tears burring his vision. House looked horrible. His hair was wet with sweat and his face was covered in red splotches and what little wasn't red was pale. His lips were chapped and bloody, while his nose was puffy and red, but what got him the most were House's eyes. They looked so tired and full of pain, all of the white was red which was striking against his bright blue irises. The eyelids were puffy yet sunken, reminding Wilson yet again how underweight House was. He looked down to see House's arms and hands shaking from pain and then House held on to the armrests to mask it some. "Worse," Wilson said softly.

House sighed and nodded, "Okay, lets get this over with," he said and rolled out into the living room. He was stopped only four feet out of the door by Cuddy's sympathetic eyes. He had to fight not to look away, "I'm surprised your ass fit through the door, I'm betting it was a tight squeeze though," he said trying to sound casual.

Cuddy stood up and looked at him. He looked as bad as he did before, if not worse and she noticed the shake of his arms and looked to Wilson.

"You haven't seen his Vicodin, have you?" Wilson asked walking by her while scanning the ground.

"No," She answered and looked back at House who had opted for holding on to the armrests with death grips so his arms would stay still. "And House you really should stop staring at my ass, Wilson's going to get jealous." She said with a smirk. House needed to pretend everything was normal, that she didn't see him like she did.

"Well it's kinda hard to ignore as big as it is." House said staring at it, mainly to avoid those damn eyes, that still shined with sympathy and trying to focus on something other than the pain.

Cuddy frowned as she saw him bite on his bloody lips making them bleed more. "At least I have an ass." She said back and felt pleased when he stopped his biting and gave a slight smile.

"Just because my ass isn't so big it has it's own gravitational pull doesn't mean I don't have one. Just ask Tritter, it was his favorite place to cum." House said looking up at her and laughing some at his pun on words. Cuddy's face paled some as she looked appalled at his humor about the topic. House smiled more, "Get it... his favorite place to come instead of go, because he would..."

"I get it!" Cuddy said sharply interrupting him. She didn't see how he could joke about something like that.

House sighed and rolled his eyes, "Oh, get over it already, that was like two weeks ago. Speaking of my sexy ass, I heard that as soon as Wilson called you and said it was over, you came running. If you were hoping to cash in on rebound sex, I might can squeeze you in." He said wagging his eyebrows at her in a playful way.

Cuddy rolled her eyes, even though she found House to usually be an attractive man, he looked worse than she'd ever seen him at the moment, and Wilson was there. She wasn't sure they were together but when she'd made the comment about Wilson getting jealous, he didn't say they weren't together. Cuddy looked to Wilson and he gave House an irritated look and then shrugged at her as if to say, 'What can you do, it's House being House.' She looked back at House, "I've taken a lot from you over the years but letting you abuse my ass for your anal pleasure is where I draw the line."

House opened his mouth but then grimaced as he bit his lip harder squeezing his eyes shut as his whole body started to shake and his breathing became more rapid as the pain became blinding.

Wilson finally grabbed the bottle of Vicodin which had rolled under one of House's tall bookcases. He looked over to see House's head bowed as his shoulders shook. He stood up quickly and opened the bottle getting out three pills. "House here... here take these." Wilson said not able to keep all the panic out of his voice as he ran to him and put his hand up to House's mouth. House's jaw trembled as he opened it and Wilson pushed the pills in and House started chewing them well. Wilson swallowed as he saw the blood rolling down Houses chin and looked to see his hand had it's own coat of blood on the palm of it.

"I'll get a wet rag," Cuddy said as she saw the blood on his hand on House's face.

"They're in the kitchen, bottom drawer to the left of the sink." Wilson said glancing at her with a thankful look and then returning his attention to House to find two orbs of blue surrounded by red peering at him. "You feeling better?"

House swallowed and then licked his lips, "Oh yeah, I was just putting on a show for your sake. You know, see how you preform under pressure." He said with a shaky voice.

Wilson raised an eyebrow, "So, how did I do?" he asked playing along.

"Good," House said then rolled his shoulder some, as if he was too tired to shrug, "you could have been faster but your time was admirable."

"You need to get out of the habit of biting your lips. I'm not fond of the idea of having your blood on my hands." Wilson said holding his palm up so House could easily see it.

Cuddy dropped a warm wet rag on Wilson's hand and House watched as Wilson cleaned it off. "There's some on your neck too," House said looking at the dried up smear in the crevice of Wilson's neck.

Wilson cleaned it off to and then looked at House's chin and lips giving a sad shake of his head as tried to get the blood off of House's chin which was a challenge because of the longer than usual scruff. Wilson had to get up once and rinse the rag then started again. When he finally decided he'd gotten it good enough he turned to House's lips. He rubbed them softly with the rag, and even though he didn't look up he could feel House's eyes on him. Wilson half expected him to pull away from the intimate touches, but House didn't. Wilson swallowed as he's mind jumped back to earlier that day when those very lips had kissed him so softy in so many places, and suddenly he noticed how hot it was in there as he worked.

"Care to share your thoughts?" House whispered softly trying not to disturb Wilson's work. Wilson looked at him with confused and surprised eyes. He swallowed as he looked into Wilson's milk chocolate eyes that were dilated, "You're blushing," he whispered in a deep rolling voice.

"I... I... uh," Wilson stuttered over his words and looked back at House's lips that really were already clean at this point, obviously flustered some at House's observation. "It's just warm in here," Wilson whispered back giving a couple more wipes.

"Just for my clarity; are you not going to kiss me because you're afraid I'm mad at you, or because you don't want Cuddy to see?" House asked so such a low whisper he almost wondered if Wilson heard it, that was until Wilson's eyes jumped to his.

Wilson swallowed as he looked into House's red and blue eyes and pulled back some. "Well looks like I'm done. You know you want to eat?" He said a little louder than normal.

House was both curious and disappointed by Wilson's refusal to answer the question and as he felt the drugs slowly decreasing the pain more and more he figured he had the energy to put on his trusty mask. "I don't know, I've never been good at making those quick, therefore meaningless, decisions; but you are, why don't you decide." House said rolling his chair back some while giving Wilson his always calm face.

Wilson had noticed the second the mask slid into place; House's features relaxed and his eyes became less warm. There hadn't been even the faintest hint of anger in House's voice, no the words came out smooth and casual, but Wilson still felt the sting. He'd known to expect this, House pulling away both physically and emotionally, and considering what all he'd put House through today, he more than deserved it but it still hurt him.

"What's taking so long Wilson? This isn't a big decision; it's not like it's a lifetime commitment or something. It's just dinner." House said as he watched Wilson thinking over the question longer than he thought it deserved, longer than Wilson had thought about him, that was for sure.

Wilson cringed at House's choice of words, "Let's just get some Italian, you need the carbs."

"Good choice," House said, "Luigi delivers and I've got a menu." he said and rolled over to the end table and opened the drawer, pulling out a green paper menu. "I'll have the Chicken Parmesan."

Wilson grabbed the menu and handed it to Cuddy, "What would you like?"

Cuddy looked at him with surprise at the question, "Um... I was just about to go. You two probably need to talk and stuff. I'm just in the way."

"No, it's fine, and you are not in the way. I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for you today. You were there for both of us and we appreciate that Lisa. I already feel horrible about having to drag you out on your day off and then subjecting you to this, the least you can let me do is get you dinner. If not for yourself then please do it to easy my conscience some." Wilson said warmly with a smile.

Cuddy smiled at Wilson's invitation and figured it couldn't hurt. "Okay, you talked me into it." She said and looked over the menu, "I'll just have the Tortellini Michelangelo."

Wilson looked relieved as he pulled out his cell phone and called the restaurant. They all sat in the living room watching the Animal Planet, making small remarks here and there, but never really falling into a conversation. It would have looked comfortable to anyone watching but there was still a good bit of tension and awkwardness lingering in the room. House was absorbed in thinking about what was going to happen with him and Wilson, and every time he heard Cuddy say something he'd remember that she saw him... like that. Wilson kept feeling guiltier as he couldn't seem to shake the image of House sitting on the floor, crying and begging him to stay. Cuddy was plagued by the image of House shaking from sobs while being balled up on the floor, and then how dis-respondent he'd been when he was in shock. It was a relieve to all of them when the food got there.

Wilson watched House eating slowly as his eyelids hung lower than usual. Then they closed and House stopped eating. "House, you need to eat," he said a little loud.

House blinked and looked at him, "I am," he said sounding like a disgruntled child and took a bite of food as if to emphasize his point.

Wilson kept looking over though and it wasn't even five minutes later when House had stopped again. "House!" He said sharply.

House's eyes opened and he narrowed his eyes on Wilson, "What is it JAMES." He said emphasizing his use of Wilson's first name.

Wilson frowned as he realized he'd been calling House by his last name, "How much have you eaten?"

House looked in the container, "Half."

"Okay, eat half of what's in there and then you can go to bed," Wilson instructed. House would have gotten into an argument with him if he'd had the energy, instead he started eating again. Wilson got into his meal and was almost done when he heard a snore and looked up to see House was asleep. He opened his mouth, but Cuddy put her hand on his arm and shook her head. He sighed then whispered, "Cuddy he has to gain some weigh and he can't do that if he doesn't eat."

"I know but..." Cuddy looked at House and then back at Wilson. "He also needs his rest, he's exhausted Wilson. It's been a gruling day, there was the concussion, the crying and yelling, he went into shock, then the pain he was in before you found the Vicodin. He's body needs to rest."

Wilson looked back at House's slack form in the wheelchair. "Yeah, okay." He stood up and walked over to roll House in the bedroom.

"You need any help," Cuddy said standing up too.

"I'm fine holding him, but if you'd pull the covers back that would be good," He said and rolled the wheelchair in the bedroom. He leaned down and tenderly picked House up, who's only response was to nuzzle against Wilson's shirt some.

"He almost looks innocent when he's like that, doesn't he?" Cuddy said putting the thick blanket from earlier out of the way and then pulling the regular bedding back for Wilson.

Wilson felt a lump in his throat and ever so carefully put House on the bed. He stretched out House's legs to make sure they wouldn't cramp and pulled the covers up over him. "Today he was the innocent one." He said in response to Cuddy and started out of the room, with her following.


	14. Chapter 14: Wilson in Charge?

_Alright everyone, a new chapter is finally up and I hope that you enjoy it._

Cuddy closed the bedroom door behind her, "Wilson, you can't blame this all on yourself. It's not like you two were laying in the bed and you just kicked him off for no reason. He refused to get off of you, he forced you to make it physical."

Wilson hung his head as he started picking up the place, "But he only had surgery three days ago and his so... so... thin."

She shook her head, "Which isn't your fault. Wilson you can't just allow him to do whatever he wants because he's sick. Believe me, I know how hard it can be to say no to him on something and how guilty it can make you feel to get mad at him." She swallowed as Wilson looked at her. "I... did the surgery on him that left him crippled... in more ways than one, but I still stand up to him at work. If I didn't, he'd drive himself and everyone else up there crazy. It's like a man who allows his wife to hit him without retaliating because the person hitting them is a woman. You gave him a nudge with your leg and he lost his balance, don't make this into something it isn't."

He thought about that as he leaned back against the kitchen counter. "I know you're right, but... I still can't help thinking that he could have died. He hit his head so hard."

Cuddy sighed, "But he didn't. Wilson you're a doctor, you know people can die from almost anything at anytime. House could be driving and get in a bad accident or piss off the wrong person, or eat at the wrong restaurant and end up dead. You can't dwell on what could have happened. You need to talk to him about and let him know you didn't mean for him to fall but that he can't force you to do something you aren't comfortable with."

"We're suppose to talk more about it tomorrow and our relationship." Wilson said looking a little nervous as he started cleaning again.

"So... are you and him a couple or friends?" She asked.

"I don't know for sure... but I think we're back together," He said then made his way back to sit on the couch. "I told him that I was having to hold myself back because I wanted to go faster and knew he need time. You know what he said?" She shook her head and he sighed, "He said I could fuck him. I told him that I wanted to wait till he was ready and then he started taking off his pants. His hands were trembling and cold with fear, but if I hadn't stopped him he would have done it. I don't know how to deal with that."

"Oh, so you two haven't... actually done the deed yet," Cuddy said and watched as he shook his head. "Did he say anything else when he offered up sex?"

"He just kept saying he didn't want me to leave him and that he'd do anything to keep me. He also admitted he's not ready for that, but he still offered it again," Wilson said giving her a worried frown.

She swallowed, "He let a man he despised rape him repeatedly because he was afraid if you found out how he felt about you, you'd stop being his friend. Are you really surprised?"

His brow dropped, "He's making me one of his absolutes. His love is absolute... and he'll do anything to keep me. Essentially House is giving me... complete control over him, which sounds great, but the more I think about the more my skin crawls. I need to know that he won't hurt himself because it's what he thinks I want... like him not taking his Vicodin today because he knows I don't like it when he takes them. I don't trust myself with having that much power over him. You know, it crossed my mind to make him quit the Vicodin but... that's just wrong to do, if he quits it, it needs to be because he wants to, not because I made him. Then again does it matter how he gets clean, as long as he gets clean?"

"He's admitted that he's an addict Wilson, maybe he needs you to make him quit. The amount of Vicodin he's taking isn't good for his body and even though he doesn't want to quit now, after he's not dependent on the drugs he could be grateful you made him stop." Cuddy said.

"And what if the pain is too much for him to function even after detoxing and he doesn't think he can tell me because he thinks I'll be disappointed in him? What if he does tell me that the pains getting to be too much and I don't listen to him? Even if everything was to work out, he'd always think that my feeling for him were conditional upon his sobriety. He said he'd tell me anything I wanted to know... but if I force him to tell me all of his dark secrets will I just make him feel more emotionally raped than he does already? He didn't want to tell me anything about his family, but I forced him too and now it's obvious why. I mean I've always suspected that someone abused him because of his trust issues and the old scars." Wilson said with grievance.

"He... he admitted it?" She asked stunned.

"No, but the way his father spanked him," Wilson shuttered. "He made him stand outside in his underwear and beat him with a belt all over in the front yard for everyone to see and House wasn't aloud to make any noise. His father would... choke him afterward until he almost past out and then when he let him go he'd kick him. If that isn't abuse... And who the hell knows what else his father did to him, the spankings were from the age of 2 til 6." Wilson felt sick just thinking about it, "Cuddy he asked me to look away from him when he told me that, like he was ashamed or embarrassed, even though he didn't do anything wrong."

Cuddy's frown deepened, "Wilson, you know adults that were abused as children are usually taught that it was their fault, he can't help that. I know that what's happened to him has to scare you but if you back away from him because he's been abused and raped and loves you, what are you telling him. That he is too damaged, that he's undesirable, and that there is something wrong with the way he shows he's love? If you want him to open up to you, you can't tell him that the intensity of his love is scaring you. He'll just shrink back into that shell of a mask that he wears and probably never open up again. Just... be patient with him Wilson. If what he says upsets you, then what do you think it does to him?" She sighed deeply, "As much as I've thought that it wouldn't hurt House to learn some humility, I never want to see him like that again." She met Wilson's eyes, "Don't get me wrong, if you need me to come like you did today I will, but I would prefer not to see him that... shattered again." Cuddy said with tears in her eyes.

Wilson felt a lump in his throat as he saw her wipe some tears away and thought about how much he had to have hurt House for him to break down like that. "Neither do I. Thank you again for coming. I should probably try and get some sleep, tomorrow isn't going to be easy."

She stood up and nodded, then gave him a hug. "You're welcome James." She let go and smiled at him. "As much as we've been though it's silly we don't call each other by first names, at least away from work." Cuddy started to leave and then stopped a couple feet from the door and looked back at him. "There's something I think I should tell you."

Wilson walked over to her, "Then tell me, it's okay Lisa."

Cuddy gave him a sad smile, "I would prefer you didn't tell me personal things about House, not unless he's said it was okay. I know how private of a person he is, but another reason is that I'm HIS friend. I like you James, you're a sweet guy, but you have a ton of people you can talk to about relationships. He only has me unless you make the relationship public, because he doesn't have friends outside of work, like you do. I'm not saying this to be mean, but if he needs to talk to me, I plan on being there for him, and as much as he needs to be able to trust someone, I'm not going to lie for you. What you told me tonight, if he asks what you told me, I'll tell him the truth. So I feel it would better if you talked to someone else if you need to talk about private things you think House would prefer to stay private, someone who doesn't work at the hospital. I hope I didn't offend you." She said with a swallow and then left.

Wilson stood there a moment thinking about what Cuddy had said. He had called Cuddy tonight, because he knew she already would understand the situation better than anyone else would and because he knew House trusted her more than most. She had clearly drawn a line in the ground, the same line that had always been their between him and Cuddy. Before the line had been with Wilson always putting House's interests and feelings before Cuddy's. Now it was Cuddy letting him know that she'd already chosen a side and it was with House, because he needed her more than Wilson did. Wilson knew that held some truth, but couldn't help wondering if it was for other reason's as well. There had always seemed to be something more between her a House, nothing had ever been acted on of course. Wilson smiled at how crazy that would be, but something was there. He could feel a spark of jealousy try to ignite and squashed it quickly, House would never cheat on him. House loved him and he'd seen just how much earlier today. Wilson walked in the dark room and changed into his pajamas, well they were really House's but either way, and got into the bed.

He looked towards House waiting for his vision to adjust to the darkness and when it did he noticed House looked distressed. Wilson also noticed his throat looked active but he didn't hear anything, so he leaned down put his ear to House's throat and could hear soft whimpers that even in his sleep House kept silent. Wilson pulled back as he felt goose bumps form on him. "Greg, hey, GREG!"

House's body seemed to relax some and the silent whimpers stopped. Wilson laid on his side facing House and moved House till he's back was flush with Wilson's front. He was happy he had the right side of the bed, so that he could hold House like this without House laying on the right leg. He nuzzled the back of House's neck and hair, thinking about the scents and textures. House hair smelled of sweat and even though it was soft it was also brittle, which Wilson knew was most likely do to the amount of Vicodin the man took. He kissed House's neck and wrapped his arms around House loosely. "I wish I knew how to fix all of it Greg. I want to take away all the bad stuff that's happened to you at other people's hands and my own... but I can't." He said softly and then fell asleep.

Wilson was surprised when he woke up and House was still in his arms, but from having his head against House's back he could tell his breathing was labored. "Greg? You okay?" Wilson asked but got no response and moved back some.

House woke up as he felt the bed move and instantly he grabbed at his right thigh that felt like it was being crushed by one of those monster trucks on TV. He tried to open his eyes but they had been glued shut by all the crust around his eyes.

"Greg it's okay, how many do you need?" Wilson asked as he could see House was obviously in really bad pain.

"At least (cough) three... I know four... (try to clear throat) would do it." House said with a very hoarse voice.

Wilson got out of bed and poured House a small cup of milk and grabbed a bottle of water for him. Then he opened the Vicodin bottle and got out three, debating some, before he got out one more and handed them to House. "I've got some milk and water for you, so you don't have to try and dry swallow them."

House put out a hand and Wilson handed him the milk first, it should sooth his throat some. House chewed on the pills before finally drinking the milk as he half set up still with his eyes closed, when he put the glass down it was empty. "You know this doesn't actually mean I'll turn into a double of Heidi Klum or David Beckham, it does the body good, but not that good."

Wilson noticed all the crust around his eyes, "Good, I'd be disappointed if you changed. Here, drink this water and I'll get you a warm wet rag for you're eyes, and I'll go ahead and get the water running for your bath."

Before House could say anything he heard Wilson's feet flee from the room. House set there for a while listening to the water in the sink turn on then the one for the tub. He let his hands rub on his leg and wished that yesterday hadn't happened, today was going to be awkward. Soon he felt a warm wet rag being laid on his hand. House swallowed as he started trying to clean his eyes, "I don't remember going to bed." House said with an inquisitive tone.

"You kept falling asleep during dinner so I brought you in and put you to bed," Wilson said rubbing his arm some.

"You left me in my regular cloths," House said thinking about it.

Wilson blinked as he thought about it, "I... I didn't think you would appreciate it if I took the opportunity to see your body when you've seemed rather reserved about that lately."

House looked at him with the left eye that was now clean but still red some, while he worked on getting the other eye clean. "You still could have looked, and just put my regular cloths back on. I made it pretty obvious yesterday that I wouldn't leave you if you did. So... did you?" House asked his voice still had some hoarseness to it.

"No, Cuddy came in here and pulled the covers back for me, if you don't trust me, ask her." Wilson said watching him.

House shrugged as he rubbed his eyes even more, "There is no reason for me not to believe you. You have no reason to lie, since you know you wouldn't lose anything if you did."

Wilson frowned, "That's not true, if I had done that then I would have hurt you. I don't want to hurt you Greg."

House looked at him with unsure eyes, "But you will if you have too, like the spanking and leaving me yesterday. The tub is getting filled fast, can I have my wheelchair?" House asked looking at it against the wall.

Wilson had notice House asked instead of told but wasn't sure if it was him trying to be nice or him submitting to the idea that Wilson was the one in control. "You don't need to ask," Wilson said meeting House's eyes that looked both weary and sore.

House knew why Wilson had said that. Wilson knew that he now controlled him and was trying to make it less weird than it was. Too be honest Wilson had a huge influence over him for a long time now, but this was a whole different level. Last night when he was begging, he'd let Wilson see exactly how much he meant to him and how much he was willing to do to keep him, there were no boundaries. House moved slowly to the edge of the bed watching Wilson, who still hadn't got the wheelchair.

Wilson had expect House to say something but he didn't. He got up and pushed the wheelchair up beside the bed. He watched as House struggled to stand on the left leg and wanted to help, but he was afraid that if he did that House would look at it as him taking even more control away from him.

House managed into the wheelchair and swallowed looking down at the ground, "I can take it from here," he said softly.

It was House's way of letting him know that he didn't want Wilson to help him. Wilson sighed letting go of the wheelchair and watching House roll into the bathroom. "Please don't lock the door, just in case you fall or something."

House felt his heart beat quicken at the demand that Wilson tried to disguise as a request. He wanted to lock the door, he wanted to have that small bit of time that he felt safe and in control, but evidently that wasn't going to be allowed anymore. He nodded from the bathroom and closed the door leaving it unlocked.

Wilson sat back down on the bed feeling sick. House wasn't talking back, he wasn't even voicing his opinions. House was just doing what he asked him to do or allowed. He felt himself getting mad and punched the bed, he hadn't asked for this and he definitely didn't want it. Okay, maybe he had asked for it, but not like this. There had been many times that he had thought if House would listen to him and just do as he said, then both of their lives would be better. Wilson heard the water stop and listened, but after ten minutes, he figured House had made it in the tub safely.

House rubbed his leg muscle deep as he sat in the tub of hot water thinking. He felt a coldness in his bones he hadn't felt since he'd left medical school. He'd always known how much power Wilson had over him, but he'd thought that he also had power over Wilson, now he knew that wasn't true. House didn't remember the last time he'd cried like he did yesterday, and was fairly certain he'd never begged like that in his life. It still boggled his mind how the ever caring man he loved could walk away from him like that, especially when House knew if Wilson leaked one tear he'd fold. He hoped Wilson wouldn't use this control to hurt him, like his father had. It had been a long time since he'd been powerless against a person, and it worried him.

Wilson was still sitting on the bed when he heard the tub draining and got up. He knew that House wasn't ready for him to see his body and that he would need to change into some clean clothes. He went in the kitchen and was surprised when he saw the time on the coffee pot. It was 10:26 am, which was late for him but it was unheard of for House to sleep that late. Wilson had learned quickly with House that he had a hard time getting to sleep, and when he did finally get to sleep, he only could sleep between 4-6 hours the duration the pills worked. Now House would still lay in bed sometimes for several hours after, but he wasn't really sleeping. Wilson started the coffee and decided that a bowl of cereal would be a good light breakfast, so they would be hungry for lunch. He made House a bowl of Coco Pebbles and for him a bowl of Cheerios he'd bought last time he was out. Wilson had just sat down when House rolled out of the room and looked at him and the table. "Hey, got you a bowl of Coco Pebbles."

House rolled over into his spot and looked down in the bowl. He really didn't want the Coco Pebbles as much now that it hadn't been his decision on what he was eating, but started eating anyway. They both ate in silence and when they were done House took the bowls to the sink and washed them out, which was awkward in the wheelchair.

Wilson knew that House must have washed dishes since there usually weren't dishes piled up in the sink when he came over, but it wasn't something he'd ever witnessed. "How's the leg?" Wilson asked as he saw House put the bowls in the dishwasher rack to dry.

"It's better," House said flatly, not turning to face Wilson.

"And your head?" Wilson asked looking at the bandage.

House could tell that these were just the preliminary questions to get them talking. He rolled back over to his spot at the table, "I'm fine."

Wilson sighed, "Would you tell me if you weren't?" he asked searching House's eyes.

House tightened his jaw some, "I've never lied to you, the most I've done is not volunteered information, but I've NEVER lied to you when asked a direct question."

Wilson smiled some, it was nice to hear House get defensive. "Good, I think we should talk about what happened yesterday." He said waiting for House to say something but he didn't. Wilson swallowed, "I'm sorry about the concussion, but you can't force me to do something I'm uncomfortable with, it's not right."

House's eyes dropped from his some, "I didn't mean to scare you... like they did." He looked back to see the nervous look in Wilson's eyes that confirmed what he'd thought and swallowed. "I would never hurt you James, and I didn't mean to scare you, it's just..."

Wilson waited for him to continued but House didn't seem to think he needed too. "It's just what?"

House frowned, "When I told you how I felt you left, when I told you about the Marines you tried to leave, and even when I showed an interest in a new procedure you threatened us. You've seemed like you've been itching for a reason to leave ever since we got together. I just wanted to make you stay instead of running every time you hear something you don't want to hear. It's not fair for you to ask me to tell you the truth and then leave every time the truth isn't what you want to hear."

Wilson grimaced as guilt filled him. House was right, asking for the truth and then getting mad or leaving when he heard it was putting House in an impossible situation. "I didn't realize I was doing that, but I'll try not to do it again."

House nodded, "Are we done?" he asked looking around some.

"That has to stop," Wilson said with knowing eyes. House started running his bottom lip against his teeth nervously at the demand. "And stop chewing your lips, they still need to heal from you biting them yesterday."

House stopped abruptly, "What needs to stop? The talking or the questions?" he asked anxiously looking at Wilson.

Wilson sighed at how fast House was to stop what was asked, "This is your apartment House. If you were asking if we were done as a polite gesture, I'd be fine with it, but you aren't polite. You're asking because you think you have to get permission and you don't!" House remained quite watching Wilson with disagreeing eyes. "Why aren't you saying anything?" Wilson said getting more frustrated.

"Because I love you James, that's why, and you mean more to me than being right. I can tell you the truth but you already know it, and it's just going to piss you off if I say it and then I have to wonder if you'll walk out again. It's not worth it." House said flatly.

Wilson pulled his keys out of his pocket and tossed them to House a long with his wallet. "There, now I can't go anywhere."

House looked at the keys and the wallet on the table, "I'm weak," he said softly as if talking to himself. "Giving me these doesn't mean you can't leave, I can barely stand for the couple of seconds it takes to get in bed or the tub." House said with sad but honest eyes.

Wilson looked at the wallet and keys that House had in front of him. "Fine, I promise I wont leave, no matter what you say I'm staying."

House knew there really wasn't anything Wilson could do but give his word. "You aren't just a friend, or a person I like, or a doctor to me. You're EVERYTHING... and you have been for a long time, yesterday you finally got to see how much you mean to me, and I got to see that you can still walk away from me. It is, what it is. I thought you'd be happy, now you know how much control you have over me. I'm wondering how long it'll be before you take away the Vicodin."

Wilson's lip twitched, "That should be you're choice not mine."

House gave a bitter laugh, "Well then it wont be long before you take them away."

"I didn't say that. Where do you come up with these kind of conclusions," Wilson asked.

"Because you still don't get that the Vicodin isn't a CHOICE." House said seriously. "The pills for me are as much of a choice as it is for a diabetic to take insulin."

Wilson could feel himself getting mad but tried to stay calm, "Addiction can make you feel like you don't have a choice." He caught the bottle that House had tossed to him and looked at it, it was House's Vicodin, all of what he had left because of Tritter's raid, then looked back at House.

"Take them, we both know you will eventually, why wait," House said with daring eyes.

Wilson licked his lips as he put the pill bottle on the table and pushed it back in front of House. "If I take them it would only be to help you get healthy. Also you need to get to walking again before I would even consider it."

House shook his head as he grabbed the bottle. "I don't walk! I'll probably never walk but these," he said shaking them, "allow me limp around and keep the pain at bay enough for me to think. You take those things away from me... and then you have even more power over me. I'll be so weak from the pain you could do anything to me and without my job, which I would lose, you'll make sure I only have you in my life."

The certainty that House spoke with pissed Wilson off because House had never been clean long enough to know that, but he was glad to see some fight in him. "Well it looks like there still might be one thing you aren't willing to do for me."

House threw the bottle hard to the right of Wilson's head, which bounced off the wall and rolled under the table, appropriately stopping at Wilson's feet. House stood up holding on to the table for support. "You think I wouldn't give them up for YOU? I let a man fucking rape me for YOU. I would KILL myself for YOU. I... I cried for YOU!" House said with disgust as his arms felt weak and he fell back into the wheelchair. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for YOU."

Wilson flinched at they way House was saying the word you. "I don't want to have power over you Greg. I don't want control!"

"DON'T YOU! You've always acted like I didn't know how to run my life, like you could do it so much better. Well guess what, you finally got your shot. Have you thought about what you're going to do with it? You could make me tell you everything... it would take a while because there it a lot to tell. Then I could keep having the nightmares that took me years to get rid of, that I've been having every night since you started forcing me to talk about my family, sleep deprivation's worth it though, right?" House spat.

Wilson felt a lump in his throat as he looked into House haunted eyes, "I didn't know. Greg, why didn't you tell me?"

"Don't lie to me. You knew, you had to know sleeping next to me, and if I'd told you I was having night mares you ask what about, not why." House said leaning back in his chair. "I bet you listen... trying to figure out what they were about, like last night. Were you listening?"

Wilson looked down, "I wasn't sure if you were dreaming or having a respiratory problem, so yes I listened." He said then looked back at House wondering what the dream was about.

House looked disgusted, "It was 2 o'clock in the morning and he was drunk. He decided to hang me up by my feet in a tall tree and my father and his buddies used me as a punching bag, broke my right arm, fractured some ribs. When they were done, he didn't even untie me. I'm not sure if he just didn't give a damn or if he was too drunk to remember I wasn't actually a punching bag. I was eight that time, and you know what I remember the most? When they were done they congratulated my dad on raising a tough kid because I didn't make a sound."

"You didn't have to tell me," Wilson said in a hushed voice.

House took a deep breath as his face dropped any emotion it had held. "You would have asked if I hadn't, and we both know I can't say no to you."

Wilson felt his heart swell and ache at the idea of House not being able to say no to him. "So it's like you're Superman and I'm both the sun and kryptonite."

House rolled his eyes, "Superman? No, pick a hero that at least could be real. Batman, you're both Alfred and the Joker."

"Let's see, Bruce Wayne supposedly traveled the world learning and training to be the ultimate fighter. He's portrayed as very intellectual arrogant man that is antisocial and suffers from PTSD because of his childhood. Out of all the hero's out there he is the closest to being a sociopath and you decide to pick him? I can't imagine why." Wilson said and looked at House who was still wearing his mask.

"Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?" House asked wanting this conversation to end.

Wilson nodded, "Yeah, there is. I want you to punish me for what happened yesterday."

House thought about that a second taken off guard, "You didn't mean to hurt me."

"But I did hurt you and you should have been hospitalized then I left you, I even lied," Wilson said with conviction.

"I don't want to punish you." House said with irritation.

"And you think I did? Remember the spanking, that wasn't easy for me to do." Wilson explained.

"And what good came of it? No, this is stupid. Me punishing you is only going to make things worse than they already are." House said determination.

Wilson sighed as he thought about this, "Then I'll punish myself, I'm dropping us down from level two back down to level one."

"But... one of the reasons you left was because things were moving to slow," House said with worry.

Wilson shook his head, "No Greg, the reason I left is that my feelings for you were growing so strong it scared me. I've loved all my wives, but... I was never in love with them, that's the reason the marriages never worked. I can feel myself falling for you Greg... and that's not something I've ever felt before so I got scared and was looking for a way out."

House swallowed, "And now?" he asked hesitantly.

Wilson smiled, "And now I'm still scared some, but I'm not looking for a way out. I've dated too many women to count and never had as strong of a connection with them as I do with you. I'm 41 years old and I've never fallen in love, I think it's time I experience that, and there isn't anyone I'd rather do that with than you." He waited for House to say something but he just started at Wilson looking frightfully hopeful. "If you'll take me."

House felt overwhelmed by Wilson's words, it just wasn't the kind of thing people were suppose to say to him. "I love you James, I'll always want you."

Wilson could see the love in House's eyes, "I need you to love yourself too Greg. It hurts me so much to hear you talk bad about yourself or to see you hurt yourself. And the things that make you special, your need to challenge things, your over thought out opinions, your corny yet endearing jokes, the way you can take charge when things get out of hand. That's the man I want to have a relationship with. That's the man I could feel myself falling for. I need him back... I miss him." He said in a pleading voice.

House frowned, "Yeah and if I recall that's the guy that also pissed you off. That's the guy that lost you."

"No, no... that's not the guy who lost me, I ran because I was afraid of my emotions, not because of you. That's the man I came back for." Wilson said watching House.

"You sure," House asked and Wilson nodded. "Alright then this conversation is over, there is only so much a man can take of talking about their feelings and I had my fill about an hour ago."

Wilson tried to keep the smile off his face as he saw House rolling toward the living room. "Hey, I wasn't done. There some more things I wanted to discuss."

House stopped and looked back at Wilson, "I'm not stopping you, I hope you and the chairs have a great talk." he said sarcastically.

_Okay everyone let me know what you think and please if you have a suggestion on a direction you think I should take this tell me. _


	15. Chapter 15: Making Up

Wilson shook his head, while smiling, as House rolled into the living room and turned on the Playstation3. He got up and walked up behind House watching as he started playing Assassin's Creed. "I need to take a look at your head."

"Hey, remember you're the one that decided to take the relationship down a notch so the pants stay on." House said as he watched his character climb up the tall building.

"Get you're mind out of the gutter, I was talking about the bandage. I want to take it off and see how things are healing." Wilson said looking at the bandage.

House took a leap of faith on the screen falling into some hay. "Then what's the hold up?" he asked.

Wilson looked at all the tape that he'd used to hold the bandage in place, it was as if he never expected to take it off. "There's a lot of tape on this," Wilson said with a grimace as he pulled on the edge of the tape that didn't want to come up.

House sighed impatiently and pushed Wilson's hand away grabbing the tape and yanking hard. It came off about a third of the way taking a good bit of hair, then House yanked again getting it all the way off. "There you go, now will you take this so I can get back to the game?" House said shaking his right hand that the bandage was stuck to and looking back at Wilson, who's eyes showed worry. He frowned, "What is it? What's wrong?"

Wilson swallowed at he stared at House, "You... didn't you feel that?" he asked as he took bandage from House.

House looked around with more worry, "Feel what? James are you okay?"

"You... you pulled out a lot of hair, you're even bleeding some from where the tape was stuck to the skin." Wilson explained looking at where the bandage had been.

House shrugged and smiled as he relaxed some, "It's just some hair James, it's not like I broke my own bone or something."

"But you're acting like it didn't even hurt?" Wilson said astonished.

House couldn't see the big deal it didn't really hurt that much. "If I say ouch, will you feel better and give me a kiss to make it all better?" he asked with a cute smirk.

Wilson was still worried but the idea of kissing House was very tempting. "Maybe," he said with a pout.

"Ouch," House said looking up at Wilson with puppy dog eyes. "It hurts so bad baby, please give me one of your magical kiss. Ouch."

Wilson leaned down and gave him a soft peck, but House deepened the kiss and Wilson was more that happy to oblige. When they finally decided air was more important and pulled back Wilson was disappointed to see insecurity in House's eyes. "Will you quit looking at me like that?" He said.

House looked down quickly as he saw and heard the disappoint from Wilson and then went back to playing the game, chewing his lips some.

Wilson ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He wanted to yell as he could see the submissiveness returning in House, but it would only further it. He calmed himself, "I liked the kiss Greg, I like you. You don't have to worry."

House chewed harder, he wanted to believe it so bad, but he'd seen the disappointment. He'd done something wrong and Wilson was mad at him, it would only be a matter of time before he left him again. He was a fool to ever think someone as nice and good as Wilson would ever be able to love him. He didn't deserve Wilson, Wilson was just saying nice things because he was a nice person, not because they were true. House was pulled out of his thoughts buy Wilson holding his hand and squatting some in front of him.

Wilson had noticed the shaking of House's hand and grabbed it but House didn't even act like he noticed. So he squatted in front of him to look at him and could tell his eyes were unfocused as if he was in thought. He squeezed the hand hard to the point of pain and finally saw the eyes start to focus on him. "Greg, you okay," he asked and received a nod. "What were thinking about?" Wilson asked.

House swallowed, "You looked disappointed and then you got mad," he said hesitantly with worried eyes.

Wilson felt he heart ache, "It wasn't the kiss. I.. don't like seeing hesitation or worry from you after you kiss me. I want to see you happy not doubting every move you make."

"I'm sorry, I'll try to be better," House looking down.

Part of Wilson wanted to strangle House and other part of him wanted to hug him close. "You know what I'm about to do?" He watched House's worried eyes meet his then leaned in some. "I'm about to go take a shower, and in that shower I'm going to be thinking about you... and what I wish you'd do to me." Wilson whispered seductively into House's ear.

House felt a rush of warmth coat his body, "Like what?" he whispered back.

"Oh I can't tell you, that would be cheating. You'll have to use a more hands on approach to discover what I want." Wilson said with a smile, pulling back some to look in House's eyes.

House licked his lips as he looked at Wilson, he wanted to touch Wilson and discover, but the wheelchair made things awkward. House let his long fingers slip up the outside of Wilson's covered right thigh, he couldn't help but stop on the spot where his muscle was gone for a moment, then he continued. "This would be easier on the bed," House said looking up at Wilson.

Wilson smiled as he saw want and curiousity in House's eyes. "And more comfortable, I think that's a good idea, but remember the clothes stay on since were level one." He said as he started walking to the bedroom.

"Do the clothes stay on when you think of me in the shower?" House asked following and watching how Wilson's body moved.

Wilson smiled bigger, "Wouldn't you like to know," he said going to the right side of the bed.

"I can't lay on my side facing you that way," House said watching him as Wilson walked over the other side of the bed with a smirk. House pulled himself up on the bed and looked at Wilson who was laying on his side with propping up his head on his hand supported by his elbow. House slipped off his shoes and moved over to Wilson, who's eyes kept raking over House's covered body with lust. House could feel himself blushing some from Wilson's looks and some from the desire that was burning in him. House laid on his left side and rubbed Wilson's forearm on his right arm and started kissing him. He started off slow working up his courage and becoming more intense as he went, then he kissed on that spot on Wilson's jaw and heard a soft moan from Wilson, which encouraged him more.

Wilson felt House leave the spot and pick up his hand holding it in his own and watched with interest even though he was wanting the pace of this to increase as he could feel himself harden. House moved Wilson's hand to his face and kissed the palm of it softly then licked up his index finger. Wilson watched, House's eyes were on his, as he started sucking the finger seductively. Wilson licked his lips as he imagined what other things he'd love to have House sucking on and slowly moved his finger in and out of House's mouth as he got harder.

House continued sucking seeing the lust in Wilson's eyes mirror his own, he let his right hand rub Wilson's side and slowly inched it down to his hips. Then the hand tentively made its way to the front of the flannel pajama pants Wilson was wearing and Wilson gasped pushing his finger deep in House's mouth. House chuckled as he sucked the finger and rubbed Wilson's cock through the pants. Finally House pushed the finger away moving closer and kissing Wilson with demanding lips.

Wilson opened his mouth for House loving every minute as their tongues danced together, he let his right hand go to House's hips and then to his ass which he started squeezing with need. House unbuttoned the one button on the flannel pants which released some tension on Wilson, as his boxer covered penis popped out of the whole. Wilson pulled away from the kiss they were sharing, "Level one... remember," he panted even though he wanted to go farther than level one.

"As long as the clothes stay on and you like what I'm doing, I'm good right?" House asked with a cocky smirk in his low voice. Wilson nodded. "I love a challenge," House said giving Wilson a gentle push on the shoulder letting him know that House wanted him on his back, which he complied to and House climbed over him. House kissed his neck while letting his fingers wrap around Wilson's throbbing member and stroke him. House listened as Wilson's heart rate increased and he started panting. It was like drugs for House, all he wanted was more. He smiled and let go of Wilson's neck seeing one of Wilson's hard nipples through his shirt and attacked it with his mouth earning him a loud moan from Wilson and a small thrust against his hand. He looked up at Wilson while sucking and biting the nipple as his hand pumped on Wilson hard dick.

Wilson squeezed House's ass hard as he looked in to the dilated blues eyes of House. "Fuck that's good," Wilson said though his panting. "Ohhhh... yeah..." He said licking his lips as House went to the other nipple and tightened his grip on Wilson's covered cock. Wilson moved his right hand to Houses head letting it comb through his hair and then rubbing House's cheekbone with his thumb as they looked into each others eyes.

House could feel himself stiffen some from the look in Wilson's eyes and wanted more looks like that more sounds from Wilson's pink lips and definitely more thrusts from his hips. House let go of the nipple. "Scoot up some," House said in a deep husky voice and Wilson did with confusion until he saw the way House was looking at his tented boxers. House met his eyes as his he maneuvered his way between Wilson's legs in a way that wouldn't hurt his thigh too much which took a moment.

Wilson wanted this so badly but didn't want House to be moving faster than he was comfortable with for his sake. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do," he said watching House.

"Oh I want to," House said with desire.

Wilson licked his lips, "But... level one..." he got out before House started working his hard boxer cover dick again now squeezing and filling out his balls too with his other hand.

"I'll be a good boy, now it's time for me to get a bone," House said with a wicked smile as he's head dropped and he started licking Wilson red plaid boxers that cover his throbbing dick.

"Aaaahhh... mmmm," Wilson groaned as House's warm wet tongue licked over and over again until Wilson looked to see the cloth looked practically painted onto his dick with Houses slobber. Wilson moved his hand to House's head and House looked up at him. "This is way better than my daydreams in the shower. You're amazing."

House swallowed, "No, you and your body... it's beautiful, it's amazing. I don't ever want to stop touching you. I love you James," he said and then took Wilson's now plaid cock in his mouth completely watching Wilson's eyes.

"OHHhh... fuuuckkk," Wilson yelled as he grabbed the covers while watching House's head bob up and down on his sensitive dick. He worked to keep his hips from thrusting and hitting House in the face as he felt himself being taken over by the strength of his want and desire for the man that was making him feel sooo good, too good. "Greeeggg... oooohh..." Wilson got out before House laughed while sucking him and Wilson thrust hard into his mouth. "I'm... sorry... it just... I couldn't help it... you … okay?" he asked looking at Houses eyes.

House smirked, which was a feet to do with a decent sized cock in his mouth and started humming making Wilson's hips jerk. House was delighted by this and whirled his tongue around the cock wagging his eyebrows at Wilson with a glint in his eyes as he hummed making Wilson jerk.

Wilson swallowed hard, "You like that... don't … mmmm... you?" he asked and got a good ball squeeze in response since House's mouth was busy doing other... wonderful thing. Wilson felt his thighs flex as he was getting close to the edge and it seemed like House felt it too. His eyes stayed on Wilson's and his free hand rubbed Wilson's stomach and chest softly while his mouth worked faster and his hand pulled slight on Wilson's balls. Wilson wasn't sure how it was possible for this to feel so much better than other times. Was it his feelings toward House that made it better? Did House just have mad skills? Did he just prefer men and never knew it until now? He was wasn't sure which one or what combination it might be all that he knew was that this was the first time he felt himself getting scared from the strength of an orgasm. "Hooollly... craaapppp... oooohhhh... nooo... sooooo... mmmmm..." Wilson moaned loudly in spurts as he came while his body shook some and his hips trust deep into Houses open and welling mouth.

House moaned as he felt Wilson's cock pump in his mouth and could taste his cum through the boxers. Just knowing he could make Wilson feel that good made him feel proud and happy. House also was turned on by the view of Wilson's mouth hanging open and his blushed cheeks as his body let go underneath him. He still sucked a while after Wilson had finished only stopping when he felt Wilson's dick start to go limp. He looked at Wilson's soaked boxers and moved up beside him laying on his side again. Wilson watched him with heavy lidded eyes. "Did I get close?" House asked with a smirk and grinned more at Wilson's confused face. "To you what you imagine in the shower, was it close?"

Wilson smiled, "Umm... I think you went beyond my imagination. If I did that in the shower I think I might hurt myself."

House laughed, "If you could give yourself a blow job in the shower I would find that most entertaining."

Wilson laughed too, "I was talking about the end."

"You don't usually cum when you're thinking of me?" House asked with curiosity.

"I do... just not like that, my body is still tingling from what you did to me," Wilson said with his head against the headboard looking at House.

House smiled softly and looked at Wilson's body and the two wet marks where he'd attacked Wilson's nipples, "I think you might have to wash those clothes."

"Greg will you just kiss me already?" Wilson said with a smirk of his own. House kissed him tenderly and with meaning. When they were done Wilson could tell House was struggling with something. "What is it?"

House sighed meeting his eyes, "I just wanted to say... never mind, I'm sure you're sick of hearing it."

"No... hey whatever is on your mind I want to hear it," Wilson said with honesty.

"I'm in love with you... I mean... I really am in love with you," House almost choked up on the words that came out in a whisper. "I never thought I'd get the chance to be like this with you, to be more than just your friend, maybe this will work, stranger things have happened right?"

Wilson nodded as he felt his heart bubbling over at the hope in House's eyes and at the same time he wanted to tell him something he was pretty sure had been true for a while, "I love you Greg."

House's eyes widened to the size of saucers and then he blinked a couple of times, "James..." he said shaking his head a little, "you don't have to say..."

"I know and believe me I wouldn't if it wasn't true. I love you Gregory House and I can't wait to fall 'in love' with you. I never quite understood why you bailed me out of jail when you didn't know me, but I think it was fate, I think it was so we could get here together." Wilson said and kissed House while he was still rendered speechless, slowly pushing the man on his back. He kissed him longingly while his hand rubbed Houses stomach and then he stopped when he felt House's hard dick near the bottom of his torso. House blushed completely red and Wilson smiled.

"I'm sorry, just ignore it, we don't have to stop," House said as he could feel his face blush more not wanting Wilson to make a big deal out of it.

Wilson had never seen House get this embarrassed, "Greg, after what you just put me though panting and moaning your name, you really think I'm going to let you off that easy and IGNORE it? Was it me moaning your name as came that did this to you?" He said and putting his hand on the inside of House left thigh to feel the muscle shiver underneath the denim material.

"Um... James, you don't have to do anything actually it's probably better if you don't," House said lustful eyes but a panicked voice.

Wilson smiled, "Don't worry the clothes will stay on." He said not understanding why House seemed worried and glided a hand up from the inner thigh all the way up his length... well that's what he meant to do. What happened was the House's pelvis started thrusting speratically in the air making his hand fly off about half way up. He looked to see House trying to bury his face in the pillow with gritted teeth. He suddenly wondered if the movement had hurt House's thigh by the pained look on his face. "Greg, are you okay? Does it hurt?"

House closed his eyes, he wished it hurt. It felt good, overwhelmingly good. He wasn't use to being touched for the most part anyway, but in that kind of way by the man he always wanted it, was too much. His whole body was waiting in anticipation and his nerves felt like they were burning from just the slightest touches from Wilson. It was so good it was painful in a way unlike anything House ever could remember experiencing. Last time they'd both been working on each other so he'd had some distraction but now he didn't. "Too good... no one's... touched me... in so long... like that," House choked as he looked up at Wilson with watered eyes.

Wilson kissed House deeply and then pulled back, "It's okay, I'll go slow." He said slowly rubbing his hand down House's torso and could hear House's breathing grow from panting to the point he thought House was going to hyperventilate as his whole body tightened. "Hey... hey, calm down Greg, talk to me." He said and left his hand where it was.

House looked at the hand with both want and fear then back at Wilson. He calmed his breathing some but it was still a little rapid. "Last time you did this I was thinking about pleasing you at the same time so I handled it better because of the distractions but it's... just too much. My body is so sensitive to your touches it's aching for your touch," House said looking at Wilson hand. "But then it's over load when you touch... my muscles jerk, my skin gets goose bumps and it's all I can do not to scream."

Wilson smiled, "Then scream... I want to hear you make noises when I touch you. It's okay to feel good Greg, you don't have to be scared."

"I keep feeling like I'm going to come apart," House said looking at Wilson with his dilated wide eyes.

"I've got you Greg, it's okay. I've got you." Wilson said and started moving his hand again looked to see House watching his hand with his mouth hanging open as he panted.

"OOOHHHHhhhhh..." House groaned as his head snapped back and he looked at Wilson as he felt his hand graze his pants. He turned his head away, he felt ashamed of how much he wanted this and how pathetic he sounded.

"No, you're going to look at me," Wilson said turning House's head so that it was facing him and then squeezed House's cock through the pant which made his hips jerk and House groan loudly. "See, it's okay." Wilson said letting go of his firm grip and waiting for House's hips to stop thrusting, then he gently rubbed the denim cover dick back and forth through the jeans barely touching. House gasped and whimpered as he squirmed under Wilson's touches. "I love you Greg," He said and then squeezed the cock again, this time House's whole bottom, legs and even some of his torso came up while he body thrust. House gargled out a noise that sound between pain and ecstasy. It took Wilson a moment to realize he was cumming as he saw the shirt start to get wet marks on it. He was completely surprised, "I can't believe you..." he looked to see House face red with shame buried in the pillow as his lip shook and his eyes were closed tight. "It's okay, Greg," He said softly and once his body finally stopped jerking and thrusting in the air Wilson pulled him into a hug. "Hey... now what's the problem here... huh?"

House looked at him, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm so pathetic."

"No, you're not pathetic Greg. It's been a long time and I'm not mad. I think it's wonderful I can make you feel that good." Wilson said giving him a sexy smirk.

House swallowed, "Did I sound too desperate?" he asked with some worry.

Wilson laughed, "No... you sounded good, made me want you even more. It was really good and I didn't even have to get carpel tunnel syndrome."

House looked at his shirt to see the wet stains then back at Wilson, "Was it really okay for you or are you just trying to be nice about it. It WAS really quick."

Wilson kissed him softly, "IT was perfect. I didn't have to strain myself and you... seemed to have had a great orgasm, which is good because I wanted to pay you back for that mind blowing orgasm you gave me."

"It was great because you were with me but it was embarrassing," House said with a shy smile.

Wilson wanted to remember that smile forever, it made House look so young and sweet. "I think it was cute and amazing, just like you are."

House pouted and narrowed his eyes playfully, "Cute? I'm not cute."

"Okay, how about ruggedly handsome?" Wilson said rolling his eyes with a grin.

"I could live with ruggedly handsome." He said pretending to think about it and then he sighed watching Wilson. "How can someone so good, like you, love me?" House asked more with interest.

Wilson smiled and raised an eyebrow, "Maybe I'm not as good as you think I am and your not quite as bad as you think you are."

House swallowed wrapping his arms around Wilson, "You think there could be some good in me?"

"I know there is," Wilson said letting his hand rub the side of House's face.

House wanted to prove Wilson right, "Ask me anything about my family and I'll answer it," he said with a smile.

Wilson ran his fingertips though House's hair and sighed, "No, I've thought about the questions and I've decided that you talking to me about your family for an hour or so once a week would be best."

"But, I thought.." House started but was cut off.

"You need your rest, I knew you were having bad dreams, but it never crossed my mind it was because you were talking about your childhood with me. Now, before we get into anything too deep, I need to take a bath, because these boxers are starting to dry on me." Wilson said with an uncomfortable grimace.

"Thank you," House said pulling him closer and holding him tighter. Wilson swallowed as he hugged him back. "It was getting harder and harder for me to go to sleep." He whispered in Wilson's ear then loosened his grip.

Wilson kissed him good and long, "If I don't just go to the shower now, I'm afraid I never will," he said getting out of the bed.

"Can you throw me a clean shirt?" House asked.

Wilson was happy to help and stopped at the closet picking out an old red Chinese New Year shirt and threw it to House. He turned around to have something soft hit him in the back of the head and turned around to find the shirt that he'd given House. Wilson looked at him with irritation.

"I was wanting to wear something newer than that old shirt, it itches," House said watching Wilson.

Wilson grabbed up the shirt and looked back in the closet with a sigh, "Well then you need to be looking in someone elses closet, since you haven't bought anything but sneakers in the last seven years."

"Don't I have a Led Zeppelin shirt in there?" House said resting against the headboard.

Wilson looked for a moment and pulled it out, then threw it to House and put the Chinese New Year shirt back up.

"Not this one the blue one," House whined and threw it so it stayed on Wilson's head.

Wilson pulled the shirt off with irritation and glared at House, "If you want the BLUE one then WHY didn't you ASK for the BLUE ONE!" He half screamed in frustration and then he saw it the corner of Houses mouth curl up just slightly and he part growled and sighed at the same time. "You're just messing with me, aren't you?"

House kept his face as casual as he could and shrugged, "ME? Why would I do something like that?" Wilson's eyes narrowed and House saw him reach for the shirt he'd just thrown. "Wait... let's just say I was having some fun with you, to let you know that I'm back to being myself, that doesn't mean that I don't want the blue Led Zeppelin shirt."

Wilson wondered if House was really doing it to let him know he was back to himself or if he was just messing with him because he could. He grabbed the shirt House was asking for and threw it at him. "Next time I'm going to make you get it yourself." Wilson said with a glare.

House smirked as he watched Wilson walking into the bathroom.


	16. Chapter 16: Good vs Bad

When the door closed House changed shirts using the one he'd been wearing to clean himself up and leaned back against the headboard. He felt a deep warmth inside him that he never wanted to let go of, it felt so foreign and good at the same time. He no longer had any idea about what was acceptable and not acceptable with Wilson, like the shirt thing, was he really mad or just kind of mad. House frowned, he didn't look real mad, but then again House hadn't thought Wilson was going to walk out on him yesterday. The more the thought about it, the more he figured a peace offering couldn't hurt anything.

House got his legs to hang over the bed when a sharp pain hit him and he grabbed out his Vicodin but instead of taking any he just stared at it. He knew it was only a matter of time before Wilson took them away and even though he loved Wilson and would give them up without a fight, he was scared of the pain. He wished he could make Wilson understand that he needed them, but he couldn't, Wilson would have to see that with his own eyes. He popped off the lid and took out one pill, he'd rather have two, but maybe if Wilson noticed him cutting back he would take longer before taking them away. House dry swallowed the one and made a struggled attempt to get in the wheelchair, but managed.

He rolled into the living room and opened the draw on the table looking through the menus. He wanted to get Wilson some lunch, to be honest he wanted to make Wilson lunch, show Wilson how much he meant to him by putting the time and effort into it, but he couldn't. He could hardly stand... hell he might never walk again... best not to think about it right now. House shook his head and pulled out the menu's he just couldn't make up his mind. Wilson liked some things at all these places at Ying Yang Dragon he loved the egg rolls, at Bamboo Garden it was the soup, at Charlies' Burgers it was the fries and shakes, and at then there was the Grand Fajitas at Molina's. Oh, they were Wilson's favorite even though he did care for the sides, beef cooked medium rare, with thick cut bacon, mushrooms, onions, bell peppers, and blue cheese crumble on top, served with fresh tortillas. Wilson rarely indulged in those because they were 'a heart attack waiting' to happen as Wilson said.

What the hell, House decided, he couldn't go wrong if he order all of Wilson's favorite dishes at all the different restaurants. He could do double orders and they could just eat on it all day. House quickly got out his card and called the places up, being very specific about wanting them all there at the exact same time, now that would be funny. He'd have to make sure Wilson didn't answer the door right away, he wanted for the delivery boys to all be trying to figure out if it was a prank or not.

House put everything back up and then looked to his game that was still on the TV, forgotten about until now. He rolled over the couch and try to make the transfer of his body from the wheelchair to the couch as quick as possible, he fell though, and ended up having to drag himself up. God, what a pathetic piece of crap you turned into. How could I have raised such a waste of space? He could hear in a voice that sounded just like his father. Don't listen to him Greg, you're just recovering from surgery. There is nothing you can do right now. He heard in a voice that sounded remarkably like Wilson's. Of course he can do something about it, he isn't fucking helpless. Get up Greg! Get the hell up and work your leg, you miserable shit pile! House closed his eyes trying to not think. Quit pushing him so hard, he needs a break can't you see that? It's okay, you have to get your strength up Greg, you know that. And to do that you need to eat as much as you can and rest up. No wonder's he's gotten so weak, it's from hearing this kind of bullshit. Why don't you read him a fucking fairytale too and then give him a ba ba? I raised you to be a man, not a crying bitch, figures though, I mean all you both are is a pair of FUCKING FAGOTS! I'd rather be a fagot then a lousy father who beats his son because he can't understand him. That's why you hit him, because he was smarter than you by the age of eight. He'd out grown you, you dumb redneck son of a bitch! Why you fucking fudge packer! You have no idea about me and my son! House covered his ears with his hands and clawed at his hair, he wanted it to stop, his head was pounding and his heart was racing.

"Greg? Hey... GREG!" Wilson yelled as he watched House sitting on the couch rocking while holding his head in a death grip by the ears. "GREG," Wilson yelled again now really starting to panic as he yanked House's hands away from his head.

"NO MORE, JUST SHUT UP!" House yelled while opening his eyes then his mouth just hung open in an odd fashion as he looked at Wilson.

"No more what?" Wilson asked softly looking more and more worried at House who was still rocking some.

"Wilson?" House said with awe as he reached a hand up and let his thumb rake across his cheek. It was real, this really was Wilson. House shrugged and gave a slight smile in relief. "I really got you, you should see your face."

Wilson wasn't buying it though, "You dug you fingernails into your scalp. What's going on?" he asked.

House swallowed, "I've got a really bad headache, and you were yelling, what did you expect."

Wilson did a pinch test and watched as it took a good while for House's skin to settle back. "You're dehydrated, I'm not surprised after yesterday. Take an extra Vicodin and I'll get you some water." He said as he left to get the water.

House smiled, "You're such a mother hen!" he called after Wilson and then popped another pill.

"And you love it," Wilson said with a smirk as he brought out two bottle of water for House. "Now I want you to drink both of those by the time I'm done cooking lunch."

House saw Wilson turn back to the kitchen and grimaced, he had to stop this. "But...I'm not hungry yet." he tried.

"I don't care if you are or not, you have to eat House," Wilson said as he started looking though the now full cabinets, thanks to him.

House sighed, "Please, I just want you to hold me a little, maybe to that thing you do with your fingers in my hair." He said looking a Wilson with pleading eyes.

Wilson stopped searching and started to laugh but when he looked back at House and saw those pleading eyes he stopped. "You're serious?" House swallowed and nodded. Wilson felt both warmed and scared, maybe it hadn't just been a headache. "Okay, yeah. Of course I can do that." He said walking over to House. House leaned in on him as Wilson got his arms wrapped around his very thin friend. Wilson could feel a big differences in this shirt compared to the others now that his arm was up against it, it was so soft and comforting. House's head was now on the armrest to Wilson's left as House's torso laid across Wilson's lap. Wilson ran his fingers through House's hair and grabbed the cold water bottle with the other. "Please drink Greg, for me." He asked putting the water by House's face.

"I've told you, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you," House said opening the bottle then he downed it in less than a minute, then returned his head to the the armrest.

Wilson played this his hair and frowned as he looked and could see the small cuts in his scalp caused by House's fingernails. There was also the back of his head that still need to be cleaned, but that could come a little later, he wanted to provide House this comfort of just being there with him for the moment. He smiled as he thought about their time in the bedroom earlier and was happy he'd finally admitted to House that he loved him. He didn't know how long he'd been in denial about it, but now that he knew he felt better about everything a lot less edge. He leaned over House giving him a peck on his ear and House turned to look up at him and kissed him. Wilson hoped that it could stay like this forever, it was tender and comforting and exciting and not hard, it just felt right. He let his hand glide up and down House torso to both comfort Greg and that shirt, damn it was so soft.

House smiled into the kiss and ran a hand through Wilson's hair as he pulled him closer. In moments like this he didn't worry, he didn't question if Wilson would stay or if he was doing the right thing. Moments like this were the moments he lived for, this was how things were supposed to be all the time. Wilson's lips on his while their tongues dance lazily with each other, Wilson hand softly moving up and down his body while his hand was in Wilson's soft feminine hair. The door bell rang and Wilson pulled away looking at it. "It's probably Jehovah Witnesses," House said as he ran his hand down to Wilson's neck and up through his hair again.

Wilson smiled and kissed House again, he didn't really want to get the door either. This kiss was just as good but wasn't as slow as the first, it was more heated. The door bell rang again but when Wilson started to pull back House went with him holding himself up with mainly his arms as he held on to Wilson's neck with his left hand while holding on to the back of the couch with his right. Wilson pulled House to him and ran his hand up House's thigh feeling a familiar bulge that was running down the inside of Houses left leg. "Are you always horny?" Wilson asked while taking a breath.

House let go of Wilson's neck to rub the front of Wilson's pants and found the same kind of bulge, "Are you?"

There was a knock on the door then another knock. "What the hell is it with these guys, can't they just take a hint?" Wilson said with frustration.

"Delivery! Anybody home?" A guy yelled from the other side.

Wilson stopped and looked at House, "Alright let me, let this guy know he's got the wrong place so we can continue this in peace." Wilson said and House moved so he wasn't holding Wilson down and also where he could watch. Wilson walked up to the door and adjust himself so it was too obvious that he had a hard on. He opened the door and was met by three delivery men in a discussion while one looked to be walking off. "Hello?" Wilson said with uncertainty.

"Does a Mr. House live here?" asked a fairly gangly looking fellow.

"Yes," Wilson said looking back at House who was smirking, "You set this up didn't you?" He said with irritation.

House smiled, "I thought we could use some lunch after our earlier exercises, it's on me."

Wilson blinked at House, "And by on you, you mean you're actually going to put the food on yourself?"

"No, I mean I paid for it, are you going to let them in so I can sign." House asked enjoying the look of shock on Wilson's face.

"Um, please come in," Wilson said holding the door open. All four of the men came walked past him to the man on the couch, depositing the food on the coffee table and getting him to sign, all of them giving confusing looks and odd thank you's as they left. Wilson closed the door as the last one left and looked to House.

"Come on and get in here already, I'm starving, aren't you?" House asked looking back at all the bags that were now laying on his coffee table.

Wilson walked over and looked at the bags, "Were you planning on having company other than me, this looks like enough to feed an army."

"Are you still gabbing? You know what would actually be helpful, it would be helpful if you could actually get me one of those wooden trays and we can eat while we watch TV, the way dinner was meant to be enjoyed." House said looking at the bags.

Wilson was still curious so as soon as he got them each a tray he started opening packages, his favorite soup, favorite fries, favorite shake, best fajita's in the world and his favorite egg rolls to boot. He looked over at House and swallowed, "You got me all my favorites. You don't even like this soup."

House shrugged, "It's okay, and I like you enough it doesn't really matter what I eat as long as you're there to keep me company, but I really am starving so lets eat." Wilson put one of each of the containers on their trays until they each had one of everything. "Hey this isn't mine, I got you the chocolate shake and me the strawberry." House said holding the shake out to him.

Wilson exchanged them, "Why did you get me chocolate, I always get vanilla." he asked with curiousity.

"You get vanilla because you think it's not as bad for you as the chocolate, and I got you chocolate because I know that's what you really want." House said then took a big sip of his strawberry shake and turned on the TV.

Wilson smiled slightly, "How do you know me so well?" House shrugged as he made himself a fajita and started eating it. Wilson and him both ate until neither one of them could stuff in another bite, yet they both keep sipping on the shakes. Wilson was very pleased with how much House had managed to eat. He'd ate all his fries, one of the two egg rolls, half the fajita's and it looked like he was almost done with the shake. Wilson swiped the remote and paused the TV. "Thank you Greg, this was a bit over indulgent and I'll probably gain five extra pounds for it, but... it was really sweet of you."

"Sweet, that doesn't sound like me," House said not looking away from the TV, he didn't really want Wilson to make a big deal about it, knowing he like it was enough for him.

Wilson sneaked his hand up to House ribs and tickle. House yanked while giggling then gave him a playful yet warning look.

Wilson smiled, "Neither does ticklish or giggling but that doesn't mean you aren't."

"Those are lies spread by vicious communists," House said with passion.

"What are you afraid will happen if others discovered that you are actually a really good guy?" Wilson asked searching House's eyes.

House sighed, "I buy you lunch one time in a decade of friendship and you think that makes me a 'really good guy'. I don't think that's how most people would see it, but I've always said you were special... that's the reason you had all those special classes Jimmy." He said with a smirk.

"Why do you do it? Why do you hide behind jokes, insensitive remarks and that mask that you wear so often that most people don't even know that there is something more beneath it? Do you think, they will stone you... or hang you if you show them who you really are?" Wilson said not letting it go.

House looked him in the eyes, "I know you want to believe that I'm some great person... maybe you need to believe that... but I'm not James. I'm a great doctor, and a not so great person. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth." He said seriously with some worry in his eyes.

"That's not the truth," Wilson said getting frustrated.

"Yes it is James! I'm not saying it's right, but it is the truth," House said with honest eyes.

Wilson could see the honesty radiating from him and frowned, "You... really do believe that don't you?" House swallowed and licked his lips. "What do you think makes you any worse than the rest of us."

House frowned, "Well last time you explained it to me, I believe it was something about me spreading misery because it was the only thing I could feel."

Wilson felt a sting of guilt, "I was just trying to hurt you because I was mad, I don't really think that. I've never actually thought that about you Greg."

"Let me get this right..." House said faking confusion. "When you said I was miserable bastard who sucked everything good out of life for the people I'm around you were lying... but now when you say I'm a good person, you're not? I think I'm going to have to check the consensus on this one." He pretended to be looking a report with false shock, "I can't believe it, one person thinks I'm good while the other 12,457 people I've come into contact agree that I'm a selfish asshole who tries to make life miserable for them. Hmmm..."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Stacy didn't think that, she dated you for 5 years."

"You should hear her now, she's usually the motivational speaker at the 'House must Die Club'. You should check it out, I hear they have cookies." House said dramatically.

"Your parents don't feel that way, and they knew you best," Wilson said with a smug smile.

House sighed, "My mother doesn't, but obviously you've never had a conversation with my father about me."

"Your father has to think you were bad so he can use that as an excuse for how he treated you. Your mother knows you and I know you, you're a good man House." Wilson said adamantly.

House was getting more annoyed with this conversation the longer it went. "Even Charles Manson's mother loved him and thought he was a good guy deep down. That's what mothers are programed to do."

"Yeah well last time I checked you didn't have people that you commanded to kill people. Nine people died because of that maniac." Wilson said not understanding how House could compare himself to a murder.

House looked down at his hands, "I've killed over two hundred men, six women and two children; and the men I commanded have killed thousands." He swallowed and took a deep breath, "Good people don't kill," he said as his eyes made it to Wilson's.

Wilson swallowed as he heard the large numbers. "You had to... I'm sure you didn't have a choice."

"Then you'd be wrong, we always have a choice," House said ominously, "Now can we let this conversation go and watch some TV."

"No, this is important! You're a good person Greg, I know it." Wilson said intently.

House was getting annoyed, "Why, because I bought you lunch? You think that makes up for every bad thing I've ever done."

"For one you didn't just buy me lunch. You put thought and effort behind it, you actually picked my favorite dishes from four different restaurant. I've never had someone do something so thoughtful for me on a whim, maybe on an anniversary or my birthday, but never just because. Also that's not the only reason, you've always stood by me even when you thought I brought on my own problems. You've forgiven me for every time I've betrayed your trust in some way." Wilson said with passion.

"All that means is I did one descent thing and that I'm desperate to keep you as a friend because I know that no one else would have me. You need me to be a good person so you can be okay with being with me, don't you?" House asked.

Wilson felt his throat tighten some, "You're a good person."

House scoffed, "You didn't feel that way before. Before I was a limping twerp, cold, heartless, miserable, selfish, crappy, inconsiderate, asshole who pushed everyone away because I couldn't handle a real relationship. That was before you knew I'd killed people! One descent act and your discovery that my mouth can actually bring you pleasure when it's attached to parts of your body instead of talking doesn't make me good."

Wilson blushed some, "Well it makes you good at something and this isn't about that. This is about your soul Greg."

A long silence stretched as House glared at Wilson in a way that said 'did you just say what I think you said'. "I don't have a soul, if you want to believe in mythical beings, then I can't stop you, everyone has the right to stupidity. I, on the other hand, am an Atheist, you've known this about me from the beginning, and THAT's not going to change." He said with absolution. "I'm done with conversation."

"But you used to believe... so for just a second pretend like you do again." Wilson pleaded and watched as House smiled then faked zipping his mouth and throwing away the key. "Oh well that's real mature Greg. I feel comforted in the fact that I'm dating someone with the maturity of a second grader." He said condescendingly, waiting to see if House would take the bait. "You know this could actually be enjoyable, not having someone negating everything I say. I could say a prayer out loud for once, without ridicule. Hmm... God, I call upon you tonight to thank you for all that you have blessed me with. I pray that you will help my friend see your light my Lord. He's a good man who's just afraid, please God, help him see how your love can help him." Wilson opened his eyes to see House staring at the paused TV with an unreadable expression.

House didn't know how to feel about Wilson's prayer, he wondered if Wilson had actually meant it. He had also noticed that Wilson had titled him as a 'friend' not partner, not boyfriend and not lover; for some reason it hurt even though he didn't believe in God. Wilson was probably ashamed of him, it was one thing to be his friend but it was completely different to say that they were... a couple.

"You look... sad, what were you thinking about?" Wilson asked as he noticed a dimness in his eyes, but House only sighed. "Greg?" He said softly as he watch House close his eyes. "Please... talk to me."

House opened his eyes looking at Wilson, pleading with him silently to let it go. He was a bad person, always had been, and he didn't want to 'pretend' talk to a God who had forgotten him and then would condemn him for his shortcomings. He definitely didn't want to ask Wilson if he was ashamed to be in a relationship with him, because he knew the answer and either Wilson would be truthful or lie to him both would hurt.

Wilson got scared at the deep and changing emotions he saw in House's eyes. He hadn't spent much time just looking into his friends eyes, the way they could intimidate and freeze you with their cold glares had always made him hesitant along with everyone else. Not to mention the fact that the man who had those eyes could see more in a person then ten people together, he'd see your fears, dreams, you weaknesses, and probably what you had for the last two meals. "I can't just give in here," Wilson said getting watery eyed, "Greg, as long as you care... as long as you can feel, your a good person and I know you feel. In your touches, word and even in you're eyes I can see that you still feel emotions even if you try to ignore them or just don't voice it a lot, I know you do. The way you described a home and what it would mean to you to have one... it was sad and moving and beautiful all at the same time, just like you."

House rose an appraising eyebrow at Wilson with a mocking smirk.

"Yeah, yeah, that's right, I just called you beautiful. I've officially turned to the dark side," Wilson grinned as he could see House's mouth twitching. "How much will power is it taking not to make a joke right now?"

House narrowed his eyes.

"You know I'm not giving up on this, I'm going to get you talking to me one way or another." Wilson said looking to House's challenging eyes. "Fine, but just remember that you asked for it, in a matter of speaking." He said and then lunged himself at House. House tried to move quick, but wasn't fast enough to get away from Wilson's tickling hands, but surprisingly he didn't make a sound as his face contorted. His body wiggled under Wilson's touch while his hands worked furiously trying to pry Wilson's hands off of him, and then suddenly House jerked away hard. Wilson saw a grimace and what was once prodding hands became soothing as he felt a slight knot under where he'd been tickling, he started to pull the shirt up but House quickly stopped him then held up his index finger.

"I know where at level one, but this isn't about us, it's about your health," Wilson explained. House held the shirt down shaking his head and Wilson sighed. "Are you okay?" He asked, get a nod back from House.

House leaned in to give his Jimmy a kiss and was shocked when Wilson pulled back.

"I have to do what I have to do, no more kisses until you start talking to me," Wilson said with a smirk and then sighed as House pouted. "It's not going to work, I'm not just going to bend because you stick out your lip some."

House scooted back from Wilson looking away dejectedly.

"Don't, now that isn't fair, you can't act upset when you're the one that won't talk to me," Wilson said watching him with worry as he didn't want to hurt House's feelings.

House brought his left leg up hugging it some and resting his head on the inside of the knee.

Wilson swallowed at as he saw Houses thin frame folding in on it's self, making him look small. It was a self assuring position, as close as House could get to the fetal position without hurting his right leg. There were many reason's people did it, which all came back to feeling hurt or threatened and trying to block out their environment and reassure themselves. Wilson didn't know what to do. He'd told House that he didn't want to be in control, but what was he doing right now? He was trying to force House to talk, trying to force his opinion on House, even if it was right, what he was doing wasn't. He knew enough about psychology to know that all he was really doing was confirming House's insecurities in himself and his distrust of others. "Alright, I'll leave it alone, but I would appreciate it if you'd talk to me about it more when you're ready."

House turned on the TV, in a halfway response to Wilson's question.

Wilson watched the TV glance at House every so often and after about thirty minutes he was completely out of the fetal position and it wasn't long after that, that House finally said something.

"You gave up awfully quick, you probably could have broken me down after enough time," House said during a commercial he had muted, with a tilted head.

"I don't want to break you down. I hope someday you see yourself the way I see you, and it hurts me to hear that you think so little of yourself, but I admire your honesty and I can't and shouldn't try to force you to feel differently." Wilson said with a half smile, "I'm sorry that I wasn't handling this right, I tell you I don't want control and then I try to force you to say or do things you don't believe in."

"I love you," House said then looked hesitantly at his lips.

Wilson smiled, "I love you too. I would really enjoy it if you gave me that kiss from earlier that I stopped."

House swallowed and leaned in kissing Wilson softly then raking his lips barely against Wilson as he breathed, his hot air tickling Wilson's lip. Wilson licked his bottom lip and tilted his head kissing House back. They both pulled back after a little time had passed. House was staring at Wilson with the same intensity he did his white board when he had a challenging case.

Wilson felt uncomfortable under House's scrutinizing eyes, "Do I have something on my face or something?" he asked.

House tilted his head some as his eyes only seemed to increase their focus. "I don't think you're lying."

"Well... that's good? What did you think I was lying about?" Wilson asked with confusion.

"When people say they'll leave something alone, they usually don't, you usually don't. They just wait for the first time that you're guard is down and push it again, but this time you didn't." House said absently while looking Wilson over and sliding a hand to wrist to take his blood pressure then smiling some. "You pulse is good and steady, so that means you aren't feeling guilty, which means you aren't plotting of other ways to force me to talk about this."

Wilson felt conflicting emotions, on one hand it was nice that House was starting to trust him, on the other hand he was frustrated that House had doubted him to begin with. "I told you I wasn't going to force anything."

"You've said that before, but you usually don't mean it," House said seeing a flicker of emotion on Wilson and sighing. "I'm not saying that you don't mean it, you do, but usually you just don't seem to be able to stop yourself from pushing it, this time you are."

Wilson was silent still feeling both hurt and hopeful about what House was saying.

"A God worth praising wouldn't have put me through the thing I went though, not that young." House said looking down at his hands. "So I stopped, it was easier to not believe, then to believe that God either had forgotten me, or was punishing me so harshly. I mean how bad can a CHILD... be to deserve... What happened it wasn't right." House said subconsciously holding himself as he seemed to shake some.

"Greg... you don't have to do this," Wilson said with concern as he saw the shaking in his friend.

House sighed heavily, "Which is why I should." He looked up at Wilson with sunken eyes, "I... can't forgive myself... I just" he licked his lips as his eyes shined more, "... I CAN'T."

**_PLEASE__ READ: _**_ With writing on both The Greater Good Continued and What You Mean To Me, I haven't always been getting up the chapters as fast as I wish I was but, after a long time, I'm going to start working on the book that I had been working on when I decided to write this to help through a touch of writers block I was having. I'm pretty sure this has helped alot and I know that the reviews have, really you have no idea how much it helps to hear what you're thinking. This is all great news but it does mean that it might take me even longer to get up chapters. I know... I hate it too, but the book... well if it goes good I might actually could make a real go of this writing thing, you know. I'm still going to strive to get a chapter out every two weeks, I think I can manage that. Sorry about the news but I wanted to keep you informed so you don't just start to think I stopped writing the story, if it takes longer for me to post a new chapter. I'm not one to leave a story unfinished, and when I'm actually done you'll know because it will actually say COMPLETE by it, like it should._


	17. Chapter 17: Wilson make a new friend

House sighed heavily, "Which is why I should." He looked up at Wilson with sunken eyes, "I... can't forgive myself... I just" he licked his lips as his eyes shined more, "... I CAN'T."

Wilson moved closer to him putting an arm around him but House stiffened up pulling back, "Greg, please don't do this... don't let me in some just to back away from me. Let me be there for you, you can trust me. I wont hurt you." He pleaded.

"I need Wilson," House said looking in his brown eyes.

Wilson put a hand on his back and rubbed it soothing circles while giving him a worried look, "Greg, I'm right here."

House swallowed as he looked in his eyes, "No... James is right here, and as much as I love James and will give anything to him, I don't trust him like I do Wilson." He felt the hand leave his back and could see the hurt in Wilson's eyes. "Wilson and I, we have a past."

Wilson frowned, "You do know that I'm the same person, no matter what name you call me?"

"James was rubbing my back, hoping to comfort me, but when I called you Wilson you stopped and became more direct with me." House said letting out a small sigh, "I've personally known the James side of you for all of three days. James see's my lack of emotion when talking about something and pushes, while Wilson... he's accepted me. Right now I don't need to be pushed."

Wilson gave House a sad smile, House was right. As a friend he always pushed some, but ever since they agreed to a relationship he'd been pushing ten time harder and been way more emotional. "Okay..." he said taking a deep breath as he tried to distance himself from House emotionally. He got up and got them two beers and could read the worry in House's eyes. When he sat down, it was on his side and then he took a sip of his beer. "House, whatever it is, let it go. Everyone's made mistakes, believe it or not, no one is perfect and that goes for you too." Wilson said casually with concerned eyes.

House felt a river of emotion hit him. He'd missed Wilson so much, he'd never intended on telling Wilson about his feelings because he was sure they wouldn't be reciprocated. He'd never thought about the friendship he'd be giving up if Wilson did love him. He took a deep breath, now wasn't the time to be thinking about that, "You're right, everyone makes mistakes and in the lords eyes they are all the same, but they aren't really. I mean the guy who sexually covets his best friend, isn't just as bad as the man who kills a person." House's eyes dropped some, "I've killed people Wilson. Not on accident, not because they were shooting at me or my team, just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time." He said searching Wilson's eyes for understanding.

Wilson blinked at him a few times and then his eyes dropped from House's. He wanted to comfort him, but he had no real idea of how to do that. He had never killed anyone so he didn't have a clue what House was feeling, except the guilt and shame he was showing in his words, especially since he's eyes now held the calm emotionless gaze they usually did. "I wish I could tell you that I understand exactly how you feel, but..."

"No you don't, believe me, you're better off not ever feeling that way," House interrupted.

Wilson felt a lump in his throat as he met House's still calm eyes. He wanted to scream at him to completely open up to him, to show how he was feeling, to let him comfort him, but House need Wilson not James. He'd thought that would be easy, because it seemed natural when he went from Wilson to James, but now he was learning going back wasn't so easy. Just a couple of hours ago the same man had gotten him his favorite dishes from four different restaurants and an hour before that they had shared intimacy, how was he suppose to block that out. He looked back into House's blue eyes, the same ones that had held so much life and emotion when they were in the bedroom now seemed like a dim shadow of themselves. As a friend he'd allowed House to talk about himself without emotion, almost as if in third person, because as a friend he felt privileged that House was sharing anything. But as a lover, that just didn't cut it, he'd rather not know anything, then for House to share a small piece of a big puzzle to him and then pretend it wasn't a big deal. "I'm sorry I can't..."

"I don't expect you to understand, no one could that hadn't killed someone. I just need you to know why I can't believe anymore." House said coolly, "Even after everything had happened, when I first went into the Marines deep down I still believed, but after I took someones life..." He chewed on his lips some. "I can't even forgive myself for what I've done, and if I can't, then surely God can't, and if God can't and I'm condemned already, then what's the point in believing?"

Wilson felt his heart ache, he knew House need Wilson, but he couldn't be both and he didn't want to go back now that he'd had more with Greg. "I'm glad you wanted to share that with me Greg," he notice the concern that coated House at the mention of his first name. "Before you interrupted me I was going to say I can't be both James and Wilson, and I'm not ready to give up being James." He said feeling unsure of how Greg or House would react as he put his hand on the other mans thigh.

House felt like all the air had been knocked out of him, by agreeing to this relationship with James, he'd ruined his long term friendship with Wilson. He pushed the hand off of him and quickly as he could got into his wheelchair, no longer looking at his friend. He rolled over to the piano bench and opened it grabbing out the cigarettes and lit one. He could feel James's eyes on him, but wouldn't acknowledge their presence. How could Wilson sacrifice their friendship so easily over something that was so new? Yes, part of him was glad that James loved him and didn't want to give up on their romantic relationship but, at the same time, what if it didn't work out. The whole reason he'd agreed to give them a shot was one the assumption if it didn't work out, they could go back to being friends, but if James couldn't do that now, then why should he believe he could later. He felt his chest tighten, the more he thought about it, he'd gained a romantic relationship, but at what cost? He'd lost his best friend. He finished the cigarette and put it in his half empty beer bottle as he started towards the bed room.

Wilson had watched, giving House some space to say something, but decided it was time to speak up. "Greg... where are you going?"

"To think," House said stopping the wheelchair but not looking back.

Wilson stood up, "Do you want me to leave tonight? I don't want to want to leave you alone yet, you're still shaky on when you stand, but if that's what you want, I'll do it." He said with some hostility,

House still didn't look at him, but his head dipped some in defeat, "I never said I wanted you to leave."

"But you can't even look at me and you're distancing yourself from me both physically and emotionally," Wilson said glaring at his back.

"I just found out that I lost my ONLY FRIEND, some people get upset when they find out things like that while others don't even act like it matters. Our friendship meant a lot to me, I just need some time alone," House said now with his eyes closed as it seemed to hurt even worse when he said it out loud.

Wilson felt like he'd been slapped, House was usually the uncompassionate one, but right now he was the one being insensitive toward House's feelings. "It meant a lot to me too, but so does the relationship that we're now exploring," He said softly and gave House a minute to reply, but wasn't surprised when he didn't. "I need to go and grab some suits for work, all I brought were the essentials. I'll be back in an hour or two at the latest. That'll give you some time and maybe we can talk about this when I get back."

"Sure," House said now looking at his bedroom door, wishing more than anything that Wilson would let him go.

"Greg," Wilson said wishing he hadn't just hurt House again, "I'm sorry and I love you," he said hoping Greg could understand.

"I love you too," House said and rolled into his room closing the door behind him, then he got in the bed and stared at the ceiling as he thought about what he'd lost.

Wilson stared at the door and let out a heavy sigh, he really did think this relationship could be the one. He'd never had these strong of feeling toward someone and to him that made this relationship worth giving a real shot, but it was easy to see that House was afraid of leaving the friendship behind. Wilson slowly walked to the door and put the palm of his hand on the door. "I really didn't mean to hurt you Greg, I swear I didn't," he whispered an then left the apartment.

House felt his throat tighten as he tried to come to terms with the idea that all he'd work to keep was lost and from here on out the end of their relationship would be the end of them. He pulled the covers over him as he thought about what all he'd sacrificed for the friendship that Wilson hadn't even hesitated to let go of. He'd agreed to start doing his hours in the clinic so that he could treat Wilson's 'cousin' who ended up not even being a relative. He'd detoxed twice for Wilson. He's always been there waiting when Wilson's relationships had fallen apart even when Wilson had forgotten to talk to him for weeks. He'd even let Tritter... use him to keep their friendship safe and Wilson had let it all go for what? The chance at getting a piece of ass, granted it was his ass, but still. Did his sacrifices mean nothing to Wilson? How could he make a decision like this without even talking to him?

Wilson grabbed three suits and House's nemesis, the blow dryer, and put it in his car. He got in the drivers seat and looked at the time to see only thirty minutes had passed. He'd taken his time driving home, and when he got in he'd first packed up his perishable goods to take to House's, then checked his mail and had then gotten his ties, shoes, socks, underwear, and now the rest of his stuff. He needed to waste more time, but didn't have anything to do. He could go to the bar for a little bit, but the idea of going to the bar alone didn't sound fun. He looked at the contacts in his phone and stopped on Brandon Burke and smiled pressing the dial button.

"Hey Brandon, it's James." Wilson said with a smile. "Well, I was wondering if you might want to get a drink?" he said slightly nervous, but laughed at the response from Will. "Sounds great, I'm not far, I'll be there in about ten minutes," he said with a smile as he started up the car. "Keep a stool for me."

Wilson was there in eight minutes and walked in the bar to find Brandon. Brandon Burke was a fellow oncologist that Wilson had talked to at most of the conferences, and last time he'd seen him Will had said he was moving to Princeton to work at New Jersey Medical. Brandon looked to be feeling good and Wilson sat down beside him. "Hey, save some for the rest of us," Wilson joked.

"Wow, you actually made it, I'm surprised!" Brandon said a little louder than necessary. "Every time we make plans you end up not being able to make it because of that friend of yours... oh... you know the one, the ass."

"House," Wilson provided.

"That's it James, House... I don't see how you put up with that guy." Brandon said with a smile, "Well here it is, I promised you a drink that would blow your mind if you actually made it, and you did." He said looking a huge margarita glass that had a tea colored drink in it.

"Whoa! What is that?" Wilson said eying it.

"That's the Big Island Iced Tea, it's amazing all liquor except like two shots of coke, it's help you catch up with me," Brandon said with a grin.

Wilson grimaced, "Listen, I'm not sure I should have that much, I was only planing on staying for about an hour, after that I have somewhere to be."

"Oh, don't tell me, House needs you home at a certain time?" Brandon joked, but the look on Wilson's face let him know that he was right and he busted out in laughter. "Seriously? The guy's so clingy, you might as well marry him and call that it."

"Yeah," Wilson said awkwardly as Brandon didn't realize how close his jokes were to home. He looked at the drink and decided he could get a cab as he pulled it to him and started drinking out of the long funny looking straw.

"So you dating anyone, or is House still running all the ladies off?" Brandon asked watching Wilson drink.

"Um, still single," Wilson said not really wanting to expand on that, "You?"

Brandon shrugged, "Still single, but that's what I want. I'm only thirty five and most of the people I date aren't wanting anything serious either."

"Really?" Wilson said surprised, "All the women I've ever met over the age of thirty acted like if they didn't get married within the year they would die."

"One of the reason's I don't date women," Brandon said with a smirk and waited for it to hit Wilson.

Wilson almost coughed up his drink, as he choked on it some, "Oh... oh... sorry, I just assumed..."

"You and everyone else, it's fine really," Brandon said looking at his drink.

Wilson took a good sip of his drink, "You like it, the whole dating guys thing?"

Brandon laughed, "Yeah... I like it. I wouldn't date them if I didn't and … Well that would probably be to much for you to handle."

"What would?" Wilson asked feeling a little insulted.

"The sex is hot, really hot," Brandon said with a naughty smile.

"I bet," Wilson said with a smile as he drank more.

Brandon was surprised by Wilson's response, most heterosexual males didn't say things like that about the idea of man on man sex. He moved closer to Wilson, "I thought you were... straight."

Wilson's eyebrows shot up, "I am."

Brandon nodded, "Oh, it's just not many straight men would think that gay sex was hot."

Wilson blushed some, "I was just meaning sex in general is really hot," he said hoping to fix his mistake.

"Sure," Brandon said in a disbelieving voice.

Wilson took a couple more sips off of his drink as they sat there in a awkward silence, "Maybe I've experimented some and liked it." He said glancing at Brandon.

Brandon scoffed, "So, you're a closet case?"

"No, it's... complicated." Wilson said looking at him with confusion.

"Then explain it, you still have time before you leave, and I'm sure this will be way more interesting then us talking about dying cancer patients." Brandon said and could see the hesitation in Wilson's eyes. "Listen, if you're just experimenting then anything you've done, I've probably done several times."

Wilson could feel the warmth of the alcohol spreading in him. "That's nice of you and all but I'm not sure you can help, I don't think anyone can help."

"Try me out, the worst that can happen is you end up being right. Come on, tell me about it." Brandon said putting a hand on Wilson's shoulder.

Wilson looked at the hand and then followed the length of the arm looking at Brandon. He'd never really thought about how nice looking Brandon was with his thick dark brown locks and bright green eyes. "I found out a close friend of mine, likes me." He said with a smile.

Brandon smiled back, "Is that all? That's not hard."

Wilson shook his head, "No, that's not all. The guy has been raped, like twenty times or something. I'm the first guy he's ever tried to have a relationship with, and from what I can tell he's been physically abused by his father... the guy's a real mess."

"So, why are you trying to give this a shot, it already sounds way to hard." Brandon asked seriously.

Wilson sipped on his drink some more as he thought about that, "Because... he's amazing in every way. The guy's... well there is no one else like him. He's good looking, smart... smart doesn't really even cover it, and the way I feel about him is stronger than I've ever felt about someone. I thought I knew what love was, but I didn't until I met him." He said with a goofy smile.

"Someone had gotten bit bad by the love bug," Brandon said with a giggle.

"I love him," Wilson scoffed some. "I never thought I'd be saying those words."

Brandon thought about it for a second, "So... you're dating someone whose been a close friend, that you find out was physically abused by his father and had been sexually abused in his past?"

Wilson sighed and took a couple more long sips. "That's not all. A couple of months ago a sociopath found out how he felt about me and blackmailed him. The guy promised to keep his secret if in turn House would let him fuck him and beat the shit out of him... and... he agreed. Who agrees to something like that?"

"The guy you're with is House?" Brandon asked with wide eyes.

"What? Um... no... why would you think it would be him?" Wilson said trying to concentrate on what he was saying, so he wouldn't say something he shouldn't.

"You said his name, James. It's fine, I'm not going to tell anyone, I would want to keep it under wraps if I was dating that bastard too. How do you know he's telling you the truth about this guy who blackmailed him." Brandon asked hoping Wilson was thinking this through seriously, this House guy sounded like a real jerk.

Wilson shook his head, "I made him strip down to his underwear, there were marks all over him." He said pouting as he thought about it. "Also I told the sociopath I knew what was going on and he admitted it... he said if I ever found out what it took to make Housy scream to tell him." He drank some more of he beverage trying not to think about the anger he felt towards Tritter.

Brandon looked down at the bar, "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be an ass, I was just looking out for you."

"You can't tell anyone about this stuff, he'd lose it if he found out I told anyone." Wilson said as he looked at Brandon with glassy eyes.

"I won't. I never knew you were such a lightweight." Brandon remarked with a smile.

"Shhhhh, it's a secret," Wilson said with a grin. "So, gay sex... is it as hot a I think it would be?" Wilson said wagging his eyebrows.

Brandon gave him a confused look, "You don't know? You and him haven't tried it?"

"He's not ready," Wilson said with some disappointment.

"Why not?" Brandon asked with some curiousity.

"It hasn't been very long since the cop fucked him and beat him, I only found out about two weeks ago." Wilson said sadly. "I took some time away from him after he told me how he felt, we've only been together for the last three days." He looked in Brandon's eyes, "I know he needs time, but... I want him so bad. It takes everything I have not to push it on him. I almost left him yesterday and he said he'd do anything if I would stay and... it crossed my mind to tell him to bend on over and give it up, I didn't of course." Wilson said looking into his drink.

Brandon smiled, the admission was honest, he remembered the first relationship he was in with a man and how anxious he'd been to have sex. "Is he at least trying to fulfill your needs in other ways, if he isn't ready to give it up?"

Wilson smiled drinking the last of the drink, "He gives a good hand job, and a fucking fabulous BJ. The best! But I still want to pound that tight ass of his." He said with lustful eyes.

Brandon licked his lips, "So, are you and him dating exclusively, because if you weren't I'm sure I could find someone that wouldn't mind letting you screw them."

Wilson looked over to see the man eying him and swallowed, "We're exclusive."

Brandon nodded as he put his hand on Wilson's thigh, "You sure, because I'm good at keeping secrets."

"But I'm not, as you can see," Wilson said sobering up enough to look at the clock some and realizing he was already going to be getting home late. "I need to go, I'm already late and I've still got to call a cab."

"Or I could give you a ride," Brandon said, noticing Wilson hadn't made any attempt to move his hand.

"Yeah, why not? It's okay for me to get a ride home from a friend," Wilson said with a smile as he started to stand but wobbled more than anything until a firm steady arm wrapped around him some and steadied him.

"I've got you, James, just try to stay awake until I get you there, otherwise you'll end up sleeping at my place because I have no idea where House lives." Brandon said watching as Wilson nodded and took poor excuses for steps.

He had definitely had too much to drink he realized as it felt like he was still moving even though he was sitting in the passenger side of the car as Brandon was opening the door to the drivers side to get in. "You have GPS?" he asked glancing hopefully at Brandon.

"Yes, of course," Brandon said with a smile.

"You're smile is so pretty... how did you get your teeth so white?" Wilson asked as he stared at the other man's mouth.

"James, you need to give me the address before I kidnap you," Brandon said as he looked over the sexy older man.

Wilson smiled, "221B Baker Street, Princeton, NJ."

Brandon got going and looked over to see Wilson humming with the car. "So, House had done things to you, have you done anything to him yet?"

"I gave him a hand job, he finished REALLY fast." Wilson said and then as he thought about it, realized that House might consider that to be private. "But don't tell him I said that, he seemed embarrassed about it."

"Oh I promise, I wont tell," Brandon said doubting he'd ever even meet House. "So, why haven't you tried giving him a blow job? I mean... everyone likes blow jobs."

Wilson grinned, "I want to try, but what if I'm no good or I don't like it?"

"I'm sure you'd be great," Brandon said with blushed cheeks as he thought about it, "and believe me if you can go down on a woman then, you won't have any problem on a man."

"Maybe I should... maybe I'll try it out tonight, get his mind off of Wilson," Wilson said and the glanced over to see the confused look on Brandon's face. "He called me Wilson when he was talking about his friend, and James when he was talking to me as the man he was dating. I told him I couldn't separate the two anymore, and that I wasn't ready to give up on the romantic relationship, so once again I hurt him without trying by not being his friend anymore."

"Well, you got to where I got the only time I dated a close friend. It took us a little longer to realize that we couldn't stay friends and date, it had to be one or the other." Brandon said looking at the road as he listened to the navigation.

"And... what happened?" Wilson asked.

Brandon swallowed, "I'm still single, that pretty much say's it all. We... just didn't work."

"Sorry," Wilson said looking at Brandon. "So no secret pointer for my situation?"

Brandon sighed, "You're going to have to be patient with him, but at the same time be honest. If you really want to have sex with him then you shouldn't pretend that you don't and you can't push it on him. If he asks then be honest, tell him you're going crazy waiting, it'll boost his confidence and make him feel better about it when he is ready. You could also ask him about having sex with other people, not a relationship like you're sharing with him, but just sex until he's ready, if he's open minded he might agree to it."

"What if I'm honest with him and he offers up sex to pacify me, even though he isn't ready yet," Wilson asked softly.

"He wont," Brandon said giving Wilson an encouraging look.

"He already did, he even started taking off his pants while his hands trembled," Wilson shaking his head, wishing that image had never gotten in his head.

"James, maybe you shouldn't be dating him right now, I mean... for gods sakes, he isn't ready for any of this if he's willing to do something like that to make you stay. It sounds like he's suffering from stockholm syndrome or something very close to it." Brandon said now looking at Wilson with a worried expression.

Wilson frowned, "I love him, I don't want to give up on him."

"It's not giving up on him, it's giving him a chance to get better." Brandon said.

"Not for House it isn'! I can't keep watching him like that, Brandon, I can't handle walking in on him after another suicide attempt... I.. just..." Wilson said now realizing the car had stopped.

Brandon looked at Wilson, "James, are you sure you can handle this. I get that you love House and all, but you need to make sure he doesn't drag you down that dark rabbit hole with him."

"I'm sorry... I don't know why I told you all of this... I guess I drank to much..." Wilson said looking somewhat lost.

Brandon put a hand on Wilson's forearm, "It's fine, really it is. I'm sure you've been needing to get this out for a while and I hope talking about it helped some. Give me a call again, especially if you need to talk about this and don't want to go around telling everyone what's going on. I've dated men who were both sexually and physically abused, and maybe I can help you some."

Wilson nodded, "Thanks for putting up with me tonight, sorry I wasn't much fun."

"Hey, I had a good time and I can't say you were boring. Seriously call me if you need to, and think about therapy for him." Brandon said as he watch Wilson get out of his car.

"Thanks for the drink, next time they're on me," Wilson said as he slowly made his way inside the apartment which was dark, he fell over something in the floor when a lamp by the piano came on. He looked over to see House looking at him with unreadable eyes and a half full glass of what was probably a good grade whiskey. "Hey," he said picking himself up off the floor to see a cane had been put there on purpose. He picked it up and looked at House, "So did you get it on tape for America's Funniest Home Videos?"

"Canes are great for a cheap form of security," House said watching him. "So, where is your stuff?"

"What stuff?" Wilson asked confused.

House's eyebrow went up, "Your suits, you said you were leaving to get your suits. Of course you also said you would be back in two hours at the latest, and it's now been over three hours since you left."

"Damn... I left my car at the bar. I completely forgot about the suits and the groceries, at least it's still cold." Wilson said to himself.

House sighed, "You could call in tomorrow," he said a with a happy tone in his voice

Wilson smiled some and walked over to House, "Is that what you want me to do? You want me to call in to work so that I can stay home and keep you entertained?"

House shrugged, "Maybe, or I could just want someone here who will cook for me." He said wagging his eyebrows playfully.

Wilson thought about that some, "Well Cuddy did put me on strick instructions to make sure you eat, wonder if she would count me staying here as a 'house call'."

House grinned, "Oh you think you're so clever don't you. House call..." he said rolling his eyes although he was still grinning. "How'd you get here if you didn't drive?"

"I met a friend for drinks and he gave me a ride after he got me way too intoxicated to drive." Wilson said knowing that lying to House would only put more of a strain on the already strained relationship.

House looked a little crest fallen, "Making new friends already," he said giving Wilson a sad smile. "So does this new friend of yours speak over nine different languages or bail complete strangers out of jail?" House asked mockingly.

"No, of course not. There is only one Dr. Gregory House, which is just enough, I don't think the world could handle anymore." Wilson said.

"Don't you forget it," House joked.


	18. Chapter 18: NEEDED  1 Friend

_I know this is early, but I could stop writing this chapter, it just needed to be done. I hope ya'll really enjoy it. I know that some of you might not like that it deals with Cuddy some, but believe me it's important that she be in this chapter and the next. Anyways, let me know what you think, I've noticed that I actually have a good little following on this story and would love to hear what all you people think, especially if you have any ideas of what I should do with this story. Unlike The Greater Good Contuinued, this story hasn't really be thought out that much so I'm just going with things as I'm writing, no real plan, so like I said ideas are a good thing. Enjoy - Nicole_

Wilson leaned down letting his hand rub Greg's neck, "Believe me, I wont," he said and gave him a sloppy half drunk kiss.

House licked his lips, tasting the alcohol from James's kiss and felt some guilt, "You were drinking because of me."

It took Wilson a minute to register that the expression that was on Greg's face was genuine guilt, not something House expressed often. "You needed some space, this is your home, I gave it to you. It's fine."

"I hurt you?" House asked with concern as he held James's hand and looked up in his eyes.

Wilson blinked not knowing what to say to this caring boyfriend in an unlikely shell. "Greg... we came to an understanding about something that we hadn't expected. We both got hurt but it wasn't anyone's fault. You're my baby, I love you Greggy." he said with a smile at the face Greg made.

House cringed, "James, please don't call me Greggy... ever. I just wished you would have let me know that our friendship was deteriorating because of our... other relationship," he said as his neckline darkened some.

Wilson noticed the slight blushing and smiled, he's never expected House to be shy, "You mean because of our more intimate, super hot, physically intense, and orgasmic relationship?"

House smirked while blushing darker, "Yeah... that's the one," he said not quite making his eyes meet Wilson.

"It's not that our friendship deteriorated, it... changed. It was bound to happen, I'm getting to know a side of you that I've never seen before and," he noticed Greg looking away with some insecurity. "Greg, look at me... it's a side of you that I love and because of that I'm finding out how much deeper love can be then I even thought!"

It felt good to know that James really valued their new relationship, but it was bitter sweet. "Our friendship was perfect the way it was though... I miss it James and I needed that." House said softly with some shame.

Wilson could hear the crack in Greg's voice and it broke his heart, "Greg," he said with a frown as he ran his thumb across his lovers cheek. "It's going to fine, really, don't worry about it."

House pushed his hand away, "You... don't get it," he said looking at James with horrified eyes. "Don't you see what our friendship meant to me? I've suffered through detox twice for it, every second of it feeling like I was about to die... for our friendship I did that. I," he choked up some and looked down at the ground, "I let Tritter..."

Wilson waited for Greg to finish that sentence but he didn't seem able to, "Greg... say it, tell me what he did, you need to get it out."

"You think?" House said glaring at James, "I know I need to, and if you were still Wilson and everything was the same I could but I can't now... because things have CHANGED," he said looking away, "I can't."

"Yes you can, please just try... that's all I'm asking," Wilson said moving House's face so that he was looking at him.

"James, I'm not asking you to go back to being friends, I get that you can't. Please don't ask me to share this with you now... I don't feel comfortable and I don't want to, but if you force me to I will..." House said with with begging eyes.

Wilson let go of his face, "No... I don't want it to be forced, I want you to tell me because you're ready to, but you need to tell someone."

"There isn't anyone else," House said, "that's why what we had was worth everything I did to try and save it."

"Everything?" Wilson asked giving Greg a knowing look.

"Yes," House said meeting his eyes.

Wilson sat down on the piano bench and House rolled so that they were face to face, "There's therapy." House shook his head. "Come on Greg, you need to talk, that's what therapy is for and maybe they could help."

"You really expect me to trust a stranger with something like this? He was a COP, it was his job to protect the public," House said with worry.

Wilson was getting frustrated when it hit him, "You could talk to Cuddy, you've known her longer than you have me."

"But she's a... woman... they're all mushy and emotional," House said with a distasteful look.

Wilson smiled at this, "Cuddy isn't like most woman, she's about the hardest woman I've ever met. She's perfect! She didn't show you any kind of sympathy when she sliced your leg to pieces." He said happily.

House looked down at his leg and swallowed, "Yeah, I remember that."

Wilson grimaced as he thought about how horrible that sounded, "I'm sorry, that was... cold, but if you need someone who can keep a distance from you that you have history with and trust... she's it." He said honestly

"Yeah and what if she doesn't want to be keeper of my secrets?" House asked looking up at Wilson.

Wilson smiled, "I think she'll want to, she's like me... to fascinated by you not to want to know more."

"So you were blinded by my 'fucked up' ness and our whole friendship was based on you trying to figure me out or fix me?" House ask flatly but his eyes watched James with caution.

"That, and the fact you bailed me out of jail, spoke several languages, got me a job at PPTH, being the best doctor I've ever met helped, and you've ALWAYS been there for me." Wilson said tenderly, "Could I tell something about you was different... yes! People don't bail strangers out of jail because they're bored, but that's not the only reason I was your friend. You're more than a puzzle to me Greg."

House smiled some, "So... you're serious about us?"

"Most definitely," Wilson said with a smile. Greg nodded and started rolling away. "Where are you going?" Wilson asked getting up.

House looked back and gave James a small smile, "Come on, I have something to show you." James got up following House with both curiosity and some worry about what he'd find. He walked into the bedroom and felt better but House didn't go to the bed which was disappointing. He followed House over to the closet which was closed. House smiled and opened it.

Wilson looked at it and noticed the considerable amount of now empty space and looked down at Greg, "What does this mean?" He asked trying not to sound too hopeful.

House lifted an eyebrow, "What do you think it means? What would you think it would mean from anyone else you were dating?"

Wilson smiled, "From anyone else I would think they were inviting me to move in... but you're not everyone else," he reminded Greg.

"Well apparently I'm not all that different either," House said looking at the empty space he'd made, "there is also three drawers in the chest of drawers for you, and the end table on your side. So... you still haven't answered the question. Will you move in with me?"

"Yes, of course... thank you Greg," Wilson said and gave Greg a kiss. "You're sure about this? I thought you wanted to move slow?"

"I did..." he said thinking about it, "I still do on somethings, but there's no point in you renting a hotel room to keep your stuff in when you're staying with me and I have the room." House said truthfully.

Wilson's face fell some, "Greg... is this because you want me to stay or is this you trying to save me some money?"

"Why can't it be both?" House asked and noticed the unamused expression on James's face. "I wouldn't have asked you to stay if I didn't want you too, and yes.. I find it stupid to throw away your money on a hotel when you can stay here and cook me meals like a good girlfriend."

"Don't you mean boyfriend?" Wilson asked with mock irritation.

"No, I meant girlfriend. I call them as I see them and if the apron fits... which it does on you, perfectly dear." House said with a smirk.

Wilson laughed, "Next thing you'll be doing is telling me these pants don't make my ass look fat.

"They don't, it's actually all the fat on your ass that makes it look fat, but don't worry your pretty little head, because I prefer some cushion for the pushin'," House said sliding his hand up James's thigh.

Wilson rolled his eyes, "My ass isn't that big," he said walking over to the bed and starting taking off his shirt, he looked back to see Greg watching him. "Aren't you going to get ready for bed?"

"Um... yeah," House said grabbing some pajamas and rolling into the bathroom. It didn't take him too long to change and when he rolled back out Wilson was already laid out on the bed. "You look comfortable," he said as he crawled on the bed.

Wilson rolled over so he was on his side facing House. "So, I was thinking."

"Oh, poor baby, did you hurt yourself again?" House said with humor.

"If I'm suppose to be the girl in the relationship then that makes you what? The MAN of the house?" Wilson said back skeptically.

"Damn right!" House exclaimed happily.

"So, if I wanted to quit my job and..." Wilson was interrupted by Greg.

"Wait on me hand and foot? Yeah, I think I could handle that... home cooked food every night, never having to do laundry, and my shower really needs a cleaning! My only questions would be when could you start work my little slave." House said running a hand threw James's soft brown locks.

Wilson smiled, "Kids, you haven't said anything about kids."

House swallowed nervously, "That's because kid slaves never seem to work out."

"Greg, how do you feel about kids?" Wilson asked.

House took a deep breath, "I don't know, could you see me a father figure?"

Wilson thought about that some, "The question is can you see yourself as a father?"

"I don't know, isn't this a little soon for us to be talking about kids? We still haven't even been on a real date yet or picked out sheets together. We're still on level one and you're asking me about kids?" House asked sounding panicked.

"Okay, I get it. It's a little much at the moment. I'll put a pin in it and we come back to it later when we've had some time to think more and know each other better. Would some kisses make you feel better?" Wilson asked rubbing the tee shirt on Greg's chest.

House shrugged as he pouted some, "I don't think that's going to be able to cut it this time, now if you throw in a new ipod I could probably forget about you bringing up the K-word."

"I guess you'll never get over it then," Wilson teased and started kissing Greg.

"uck u," House managed to say while kissing James back.

Wilson moved on top of House slow, so that Greg could stop him if he wanted. "No, fuck you," He said as he ground himself against Greg for emphasis.

Greg swallowed feeling both turned on and frightened by James's choice of words. He reached up pulled on James's neck and the man obliged by leaning down and kissing him. Greg's legs widened some as his hand went to James's ass and the kissing became needy and sloppy. They both pulled away from the kiss taking in cool breaths of air as they were both sweaty. James seemed to recover first and bit Greg's neck softly and started suck which earned him a gasp from the man underneath him and he started sliding down the man's body. "What are you doing?" House asked in a deep voice.

Wilson did look up as he ran his hand on the inside of Greg's thigh, "I'm being spontaneous," he said with a smirk as he looked at the large distinctive bulge in Greg's plaid pants.

House watch as James kissed the plaid covered bulge and pull back quickly sitting up and leaving him at the lower half of the bed alone. "No."

Wilson looked up at him in disbelief, "Why not?"

House pulled the covers over his bottom half, "We're level one," he said feeling that justified his response.

"We were at level one when you did it," Wilson countered.

"But you were wearing boxers and I'm not," House answered quickly.

"Like that really makes a difference? I thought you would like this!" Wilson said going back to his side of the bed.

House sighed at James's swift departure from him,"James, don't be mad."

"How am I supposed to feel Greg? It's fine for you to give me a blow job, but when I try to do it, then there is something wrong with it. What's your problem?" Wilson asked in frustration. "You think I wont be any good? Is that it?"

House's mouth hung open some at the completely wrong assumption James had jumped to, "No, that's not it," he said putting a hand on James's chest which was pushed away.

"Then what is it? Huh?" Wilson asked out of frustration.

"I... I... don't..." House started stuttering.

"Forget it House, lets just go to bed," Wilson said curling up so he was facing the opposite side of the bed.

House slid down so that he was laying on his back, he glanced at James's back and felt like once again he'd disappointed him. "Love you," House said, his deep voice disrupting the silence of the room.

Wilson sighed as he felt a tear try to escape and quickly wiped it away, he was still mad and frustrated and now... he could add feeling extremely guilty to that list. He wanted for him and Greg to explore their physical relationship, but Greg wasn't ready for that, even though he didn't seem to have any problem exploring him. It just didn't feel fair, but nothing about any of this was really fair. "I love you too," Wilson said.

House turned toward James, swallowing as he watched him with longing, and wrapped a hesitant arm around him, when he wasn't rejected he kissed James's neck softly pulling their bodies flush to one another's. "I'm sorry," he whispered in his ear and pulling him tighter.

Wilson had never felt so bad to hear an apology, there was something so wrong about hearing House's voice go soft and saying those words, it physically seemed to hurt. "Don't apologize," he said harsher than he intended.

House loosened the grip some, "You're mad."

"No I'm not," Wilson said, irritated by how well Greg knew him.

"You called me House," House said with worry, "you're mad."

Wilson turned around and was met by Greg's face only inches from his, his eyes seeming to capture what little light was in the room making them look bright and letting him see the concern behind them. "It's not your fault, it's mine. You made the rule for us to discuss what we planned on doing ahead of time so that neither one of us would have to feel rejected in situations like this, I should have talked to you about it."

"There is a 'but' in there somewhere that you aren't saying, you don't have to hold back with me, I'm not as fragile as you think." House said knowing that even thought what James said was true that he was just trying to make peace, by the frustration still in his eyes.

Wilson scoffed, "Fine, you're right. I had doubts when you first told me that you'd never been with a man before that you might be infatuated with it then actually willing to do it. Right now, I can't help wondering if I was right."

House's jaw tightened some, "I don't have issues because of not being with men. My only hesitations stems from how many men I've been with and what those men did to me."

"And I'm not 'those' men House or can't you tell!" Wilson half yelled in frustration.

House pulled back some as he felt his heart rate increase, "Fuck me and get over with."

"I didn't say anything about fucking you House," Wilson said back calmly.

"You don't have to, I can read it all over your face. You need the physical to assure you of the relationship, so I'm giving you a green light." House said pulling off his shirt under the covers.

"Put your shirt back on, I'm not going to go a head with something I know you're not ready for, but I need you to know I'm not those guys. I'm not going to take advantage of you or hurt you." Wilson said looking in Greg's eyes.

House met his gaze, "I know you James, there is only so long you can go before you'll start looking for what I'm not ready to do yet, in other places. What am I suppose to do? You don't want to do anything until I'm ready, but what if you can't wait that long. You've always been a more physical person."

Wilson swallowed hard as he thought about how tempting Brandon's offer had been and this was only the third day of them dating. "I don't know what to tell you Greg, yes I want our physical relationship to progress faster than it is, and I wish I could say I'd never cheat on you, but you know me."

House swallowed at the hard truth of James's statement keeping his mask firmly in place. "Well at least you're calling me Greg again, night," he said knowing there was nothing either of them could say to change things tonight and not wanting to have to respond to what he had said.

Wilson chewed on his lip some, wanting to talk more, but not knowing anything he could say that would make it better he let it go. "Night," he said and turned on his back.

House watched James as he fell asleep, the aching in his thigh was boarding between really bad and almost unbearable. He took two pills to help easy the pain since he knew this night was going to be a long one because there wasn't going to be any hope of him sleeping, not after their talk.

Wilson woke up to find he was in the bed alone and began to worry about the conversation they had the night before, maybe he'd been a bit too harsh or too truthful. He got up and walked in to the living room finding Greg staring at a notebook, he was quite as he made his way behind the couch that he was sitting on and looked over Greg's shoulder. He saw a bunch of calculations with different titles, like 'When He'll Leave', 'How long before he cheats', 'How fucked up I am' and 'When I should be ready'. He looked down at the calculations, some of the numbers were labled while others weren't. According to Greg, Wilson would leave him in three 72 days and cheat on him in 15 days, and it would take Greg at least 68 days to be ready. Greg's calculations had been redone first it had worked out at 157 days then 82 and now he had 68 days circled. Wilson frowned, "Greg, did you sleep at all?"

House didn't move he just blinked looking at the paper, "You're going to cheat on me and I can't stop it. It's my fault... I'm too screwed up."

Wilson scoffed, "That's ridiculous, you can't calculate things like that."

House swallowed, "You've already thought about it. Is that why you tried to give me a blow job last night, to ease your conscience?"

Wilson stood up straighter, "You're losing it Greg."

"Really, so you didn't even think about someone else last night while you were at the bar?" House asked still not looking away from the paper.

Wilson hated how well Greg knew him, "I've got to get ready for work."

"I don't want to know when it happens, or who it's with," House said flatly putting down the notebook unable to look at James.

Wilson didn't respond to what Greg had said, instead he got ready for work. When he walked into PPTH he was already late and Cuddy spotted him, "Dr. Wilson, I need to speak with you for a moment in my office."

Wilson walked into her office with some irritation showing, "What can I do for you?"

She didn't like his tone, "I'm glad to see staying with House hasn't changed you." She said sarcastically and then sat down. "I'm House's doctor, I was wondering how he's doing?"

He shrugged, "He didn't sleep last night, now can I go?"

Cuddy frowned, "Why didn't he sleep and did he eat this morning?"

"Because he's crazy and I don't know, if you want to see how he'd doing, maybe you should check in on him yourself. I need to get to my patients." Wilson said with some hostility.

She stood up, "You're patients can wait. I get that you and him might have had some kind of argument or something but you wont treat me with disrespect because of your personal life. I'm not asking how he's doing as friend, I'm asking as his doctor and I expect a professional answer."

He's lip twitched some as he realized how stupid he'd been to smart off to Cuddy. "Sorry, difficult morning. Greg's eating was good yesterday, but I don't think he had breakfast this morning. He didn't sleep because we had a disagreement. Also, we aren't friends anymore, we're a couple, but he is looking to fill the position if you're interested."

Cuddy's eyebrows shot up, "Is that supposed to be a joke, House would never let go of his friendship with you."

"OUR friendship isn't only HIS choice," Wilson said as he saw Cuddy's accusing eyes on his. "Don't look at me that way, you think you could hear your boyfriend talk about how he isn't worth loving or God's forgiveness in the third person and then treat him like just a 'friend'? He needs the distance that friends have, but I can't go back to that. I can't just listen like he needs."

She sighed, "Is that what the disagreement was about?"

"No, I moved to quickly for him and now he according to him I'm going to cheat on him in roughly two week and leave him in two and a half months. That's what he spent last night doing, calculations on when he'd be ready, when I'd leave, and when I'd cheat on him." He said rubbing the back of his neck.

Cuddy frowned, "So, he's paranoid?"

Wilson didn't want to tell Cuddy that there might be some truth in House's worries, "This has gone beyond doctors discussing a patient. If you have any medical questions to ask me about him, I'll be more than happy to answer, otherwise I need to get to my office."

She didn't like the way he'd deflected the question, "Fine, what's he doing for lunch?"

He gritted his teeth, "Contrary to believe I'm not his mother. He has stuff to make sandwiches and he knows how to call for delivery. He's a big boy, I'm sure he'll be fine."

"You don't plan on eating with him to make sure he eats? Did you forget how malnourished he is, or that he has no hope of walking again if he doesn't gain that muscle back?" Cuddy asked judgingly.

Wilson stood up, "No, I didn't forget! But I can't be everything for him! Greg and you expect me to just do it all... be his friend, his mother, his therapist, his boyfriend, his doctor, his fucking sidekick at work! I'm only one man. If you want to take him lunch and hold his hand while he eats, be my guest, but I've been with the man for three solid days and I need sometime without him."

She stood up, "Maybe I will." Wilson started to leave and she stopped him. "James I know how frustrating he can be, but he was scared to death to give you and him a shot, and I helped convince him too put himself out there, please don't make me regret it. Be patient."

He thought about what she'd said and nodded then left. Wilson got through the first patient quickly and still had twenty minutes before the next one. He picked up the phone and called Greg knowing if he didn't the guilt would kill him.

"Hey," House answered the phone with an edge in his voice.

"Hey," Wilson said back awkwardly. "I was in a hurry this morning and didn't make breakfast. I was wondering if you ate anything?"

House was quite, "Oh... no, but I'll eat..," he rolled around to the refrigerator and looked in, "a yogurt and bagel?"

"Good," Wilson said feeling only a little better, "You sounded surprised that I called to see if you'd eaten, what did you think I was calling for."

House closed his eyes, he'd hoped James had called to tell him he loved him. He had left when he was in the restroom and didn't even call out that he was leaving or that he loved him. "Nothing," he said swallowing.

"You sure?" Wilson asked, but his only answer was silence. "Okay, well I should get back to work. Love you," he said softly.

House's eye popped open as heard the words he'd desperately wanted to hear. "I love you too," he said back with emotion.

And then it hit Wilson that he'd forgotten to say it before he left to go to work this morning. "Shit.. Greg I'm sorry I just left this morning without saying anything. I was in a hurry to get the cab when I saw it pull up and was thinking about getting my car, I didn't mean to just leave."

"It's fine, no big deal, I wasn't worried about it or anything," House said feeling better that it hadn't been intentional.

Wilson could hear the relief in his voice and he was happy he'd made Greg feel better but still wished he hadn't forgotten in the first place. "I'm glad to hear it. I'll see you tonight," he said smiling.

"Yeah," House said back then hung up the phone and looking back at the yogurt with boredom but he grabbed it out like he'd said he would along with the bagel.

Cuddy had debated what she should do all morning and decided that she would in fact take half a day off and pick up some lunch to take to House so that she could see how he was doing. She picked up a burger meal at a small Mom and Pop ran diner who was known for their fatty burgers by all the cardiologist. She got herself a grilled chicken salad, House was the one needing to gain weight not her. She knock on the door wondering how House would react to her stopping by.

House opened the door but didn't undo the small chain lock on the top and looked up to see Cuddy, his face went from surprised to irritated, "I'm not interested in your girl scout cookies."

She looked at him confused and saw his eyes scan her clothes and looked down to notice she was wearing a brown skirt suit with a white blouse. "I'm a little old for the girl scouts, don't you think."

"Oh... I remember this dream, it's where you come in and show me your how you got all those badges and then let me have a taste of your private 'cookie collection', sorry I'm dating." He said casually starting to push the door closed.

"I brought you lunch," Cuddy said quickly.

The door was pulled open some again as House peeked out, "How do I know you aren't lying?"

She rolled her eyes and held up the sack of food she was carrying. "See, now let me in."

He noticed it was from one of his favorite burger joints, "Fine, but don't pay any attention to the smell."

Cuddy hoped it wouldn't smell too bad as she watched him unlock the chain and then roll out of her way. She got in and looked around to see him lighting a joint that must have gone out when he was answering the door. Her eyes widened. "You're smoking POT!"

House let out the puff he'd been holding onto. "You might want to scream that a little louder, I'm not sure all my neighbors heard you," he said condescendingly. "Hey close the door, don't you know it's rude to just leave the door open like that?"

She shook her head and closed it then walked up to him, "Give it too me."

"Oh no, I paid good money for this, if you want some you'll have to pay up," He said with a smile.

"This isn't a joke House, you're taking an illegal drug. What would you do if there was a random drug test at work next week? It takes a month to get it out of your system." Cuddy said getting more angry.

House put up his finger as he held the puff of smoke in his lungs longer and then slowly let it out. "I guess I have to hope that my boss isn't the kind of bitch that would try to teach me a lesson at the expense of my medical license. That would suck and of course the patients I take would die since I'm the end of the line for most of those people."

She smiled, "You're right, why should I make the patients suffer, I'll just call up Wilson."

House's smug smile vanished and he scooted over to the window putting his back to her. "Go ahead, it won't be long before it's over anyways."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "Yes, Wilson told me all about you and your paranoid ideas of him cheating and then leaving you. Hmm.. I wonder what kind of drug could make a person be paranoid... oh wait, I know CANNABIS!"

"It's not the reefer," He said looking out the window, "I let you in because I thought you were coming here as a person who cares, not the police."

"You mean as a friend?" She said loosening up some, although she still didn't like the idea of him using marijuana.

House leaned his head against the cool glass of the window that was raised and let some ashes fall. "He tell you about choosing this confusing new relationship over our old steady friendship?"

"Yes," Cuddy said stepping closer.

He looked out the window taking another puff, "Lets save some time here, what all did he tell you?"

She swallowed, "He told me that he chose the relationship over the friendship because he couldn't keep the same distance he had with you when it was just a friendship. He said that you didn't sleep last night because of a disagreement of some sorts and that he woke up this morning to find that you had try to calculate exactly when you'd be ready, when he'd cheat and leave you. Oh.. and he didn't think you'd eaten this morning."

House scoffed, "We'll I guess the other stuff wasn't all that important."

"What other stuff?" Cuddy asked with concern.

He took the lask puff of his joint and threw it out the window, then closed it. "He told me he loved me, I bought a special lunch for him yesterday, he came home drunk when he left to give me some space, I asked him to move in and he accepted."

She frowned, "So, what was the disagreement about then?"

House looked at the bag of food, "I thought you came over to feed me."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and took the bag to table and put it down. She unpacked it and watched as House pushed his chair up to the table. "Now, will you tell me what the disagreement was about?"

He was already eating the burger, after the cannabis food always seemed to taste so much better, maybe he should start smoking it more often since he was trying to put on weight. "Can't this wait until I'm done eating?" he asked with a mouth full of burger.

She relented and they ate in silence, but as soon as they were both done she looked back at him. "Okay, were both done eating, now tell me what was the argument about?"

"I need to go to the restroom, you can see yourself out since I know you need to be getting back to work." House said starting towards the restroom.

"Wow, I never thought I'd see the day that Dr. Gregory House was afraid to have a simple conversation. Your a disappointment really, running off like a scared school girl, and by the way I took of for the day so I'll be here when you get out." Cuddy said not even turning her head to look at him, but she heard him stop rolling.

He swallowed, "I'm not scared... it just personal and something you probably don't really want to hear about."

"And the other things you told me weren't?" She said letting him know that she wasn't worried about whatever it was that had happen, "Tell you what, you tell me and if it's too much I'll stop you."

House rolled back to the table, "There's a bottle of Maker's Mark in the cabinet to the left of the refrigerator. Get me the bottle and then we can talk."

"Is it really so bad you can't talk about it without a drink?" Cuddy asked.

"Not everyone talks about their sex life, so yeah, I'd like a drink and even Wilson allowed me to have a drink when we were talking about... feeling kind of things." He said awkwardly.

She smiled some at that as she got up and brought the bottle out with two glasses with some ice in them. "Then lets talk." She said sitting them down in front of him.

PS - I have posted a comment in the reviews to address a review of a guest, please read.


	19. Chapter 19: Injustice

_Well I go another one up and I really hope you enjoy. I'm going to be honest here even though I don't think this is normal protical. I don't really have alot of ideas for this story and would love to get some fresh ideas from YOU (my readers) on things you think I should do in the story. REALLY I NEED IDEAS! I don't want this to end when I honestly feel like it has potential, so please bless me with your thoughts on the subject. - Nicole_

House picked up a glass and poured the ice from it into the other glass, then pulled out a pocked knife and opened the bottle with it pouring himself four fingers worth, then he poured the same for Cuddy, pushing the glass in front of the seat across from him. As she sat down his eyes met hers, "The argument was about me not letting him suck my cock." He made it sound as vulgar as possible in hopes of her giving up.

Cuddy grimaced at his choice of words, "I take it that you two haven't progressed to that yet?"

"Actually earlier yesterday I sucked his dick so hard he was thrusting in my mouth as he cam," He said with a challenging look.

She couldn't help but look at his mouth as he said it, "Then why didn't you allow him to give you the same pleasure?" She asked refusing to feel uncomfortable about the idea of them together like this. She watched as he looked away and only silence followed. "Or you don't think sharing yourself with him like that would be pleasurable?"

House looked back at her, "I can't talk to you about this, you can't possibly understand."

Cuddy sighed, "Then explain it to me."

He gave her a daring look, "You sure about that? You think you can handle hearing how I was raped over and over again. You really think you can listen to that and still sleep tonight?"

She swallowed hard, "Quit trying to use me and my emotions to excuse yourself from talking about it. I don't think you're worried about me, I just don't think you're strong enough to tell me, you're still afraid and you're trying to make me your scape goat."

House took another sip and looked away from Cuddy. "You want me to tell you what Tritter did?"

Cuddy frowned as she noticed him avoiding eye contact, "Yes, if you think it could help then tell me."

"I don't know if anything will help," he said meeting her eyes for a moment before looking away again. "After he arrested me he didn't go towards the station, he went forward and stopped under a bridge. I go by that bridge everyday."

"House what happened in that clinic room?" She asked with concern.

He looked at her with relieved eyes, "I thought you were eager to get to the juicy details, maybe not?" She gave him a pleading look and he sighed. "I walked in, looked at his junk and told him what the problem was. He didn't find me charming enough... or maybe he found me too charming, that would explain the raging hard on he had for me, and then I stuck a thermometer up his ass and left it there."

"Okay, now tell me what you aren't saying. Why did you have to try and make a joke out of it, did he do something to you or say something?" Cuddy asked.

House licked his lips and swallowed, Cuddy was better at this than he'd expected. "I started to leave after giving him his first diagnoses, he kicked my cane making me fall into the door, then proceeded to tell me that people get what they give. When I swabbed him, he was literally hard. I then told him to bend over so I could take his temperature and left him like that."

Cuddy shook her head as she now looked at him like he was and idiot, "Why didn't you tell me this when it happened?"

"Why? What would you have done? Asked him to apologize to me?" He scoffed looking irritated, "You wouldn't have done anything except try and forget it happened, like you do with everything else, like everyone does when anything happens to me." He said looking at her with serious eyes, "Why is House taking all those pills, he must be an addict; let's just forget about the huge hole in his leg. Why is he late for work, he must just be an ass; it couldn't be because it takes him two hours to get his leg working every morning. Why is there blood on the carpet in his office, he probably just stained it on purpose, lets remove it and forget all about the shooting. Why is his hands trembling when Wilson tries to..." He looked away from her as he saw concern in her face, "You get the idea."

"That's why you got so upset about me removing the carpet," she said feeling some guilt for thinking it was just a power play. "House, I wasn't trying to say what happened wasn't important or that it should be forgotten, I was just trying to make it easier for you."

House looked back at her with a blank face, "How else was removing the carpet suppose to make me feel better besides helping me to forget?" She chewed her lip some. "You don't forget getting shot at work, with or without the carpet there. I don't need it to remind me of what happened, I want it there so everyone else can see it and remember it."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything that's happened to you anymore House. I won't tell anyone else unless you ask me too and I won't forget what you tell me, someone will finally know the truth besides you. Are you ready to tell me what he did?" Cuddy asked with honest and unwavering eyes.

He takes another sip of the whiskey as he recalled what happened.

_Tritter stops and he knows something is wrong, this isn't the way to the police station. The area is very secluded and his stomach twists as he finds this situation all too familiar and looks in the rear view mirror to see Tritter's eyes on his._

"_Are you finally starting to realize the position you're in?" Tritter's voice sang._

_House's eyes narrowed on Tritter's, "Is this were you beat the crap out of me?"_

_Tritter laughed, "No, but in the end you're going to wish that I had," he said getting out of the car and opening the door for House._

_House looked at the door and Tritter not sure if fighting this first step was best or not. He finally slid out of the car standing up with his hands still cuffed behind his back._

_Tritter smiled triumphantly as his eyes roamed House, "On your knees."_

_House's eyes had been looking around taking in the surrounding until he heard the demand and then his eyes met Tritter's. "Oh so I guess the thermometer really was your thing right? You take all your dates here or am I special?"_

_Tritter zapped his stun gun enjoying the widening of House's eyes as he realized how Tritter planned on getting him on his knees if he didn't do it peacefully. "Your choice Doctor."_

"_You know when people talk about having sparks between them, a taser gun isn't what they meant right?" House said refusing to budge, until he was shocked at least, at that point he fell down as his body shook from the volts._

_Tritter closed the back door of the car and grabbed a handful of House's hair pulling his upper body up so that he was sitting on his knees then he banged House's head into the door a few times. "Hope you got all those jokes out of your system because you're mouth is going to be occupied doing other things for a while." He said unzipping his pants._

_House snarled with his teeth showing and gleaming in the moonlight, "I'm not that easy, who do you think I am? Your mother?"_

_Tritter pulled out his real gun and took off the safety, "I didn't call it in when I stopped you and no one is close enough to hear the shot since my gun is suppressed. I'm staking out a known criminal right now as far as my supervisors are concerned and no one will miss you at home. If you went missing who's going to go looking for you? You don't have any friends or family, hell your own boss didn't even ask me why you stuck a thermometer in me, she just said she was sorry and would get me the apology I deserved. Now open up," he said with a smile._

_He opened his mouth as he watched Tritter take his penis out of his underwear and as he stepped toward House looking in his eyes as he put himself in House's mouth. "Do a good job and I might just decide to be nice and leave that tight ass of yours in one piece."_

_It wasn't House's first rodeo he felt sick to his stomach but he pushed himself to ignore it working on get Tritter off, the sooner the man cam the sooner this would be over. He was giving him the full treatment, sucking while sliding his tongue around the mans already hard penis when suddenly his head was jerked back by his hair again harshly hitting the car three times._

"_Look at me while you suck my dick, I want too see your eyes and know that when you sleep it's my face you'll be seeing you fagot," Tritter said. House glared at Tritter and opened his mouth to which Tritter pushed his gun into forcing House's head to the door again. "You even graze me with those teeth and I'll blow that smart little head of yours off." He said removing the gun._

"_You aren't going to get what you need out of me," House said confidently._

_Tritter smirked evilly, "How are you so sure?"_

"_I know a sadist when I see one, you didn't even have enough control to keep yourself from getting hard when you saw me fall into the door at the clinic. You want me to scream and cry, but you won't get that out of me." House said with glaring eyes._

_Tritter narrowed his eyes on House, "Either open up and shut up or I'm going to start moving on to other holes I can fill."_

_House opened his mouth keeping his eyes on Tritter as he continued his work. Tritter smiled down as he saw the pure hatred in House's eyes, "How does it feel to be sucking me off even though you hate __me? How is a man as arrogant as yourself going to be able to look yourself in the mirror after this?" House of course wasn't able to give a response as he sucked hoping that Tritter would get off quickly._

_Tritter ran his hand down to House's nose and looked to see House was also looking at it. He trusted into his mouth so hard his head hit the car door again and House looked back up at him. "That's right, keep those peepers up here," he said as he grinned then grabbed House's nose and held it tight so that he couldn't breath. House didn't jerk back he just kept working even though he felt the panic. "Oh yeah... swallow that dick," Tritter said as he pushed as far in House's mouth as he could and stayed there as he felt House's throat constrict as he gagged. He finally let go of House's nose and pulled himself out of his mouth. He watched with lust as the man before him had slobber running down his throat as he tried to catch his breath. "You've done this before haven't you? You're too good for this to be your first time."_

_House looked up, "Is that what you want to hear? That I've already been damaged before you so that you can somehow justify what you did to me to yourself? I might be a ass, but my job as a doctor isn't to be nice, it's to cure people and that's what I do. Your job as a police officer is to protect people, how do you warrant your actions? You think sexually assaulting everyone that says something that pisses you off is rational?"_

"_You didn't answer my question, so I'll take that as a yes. Who was it?" Tritter asked with a gleam in his eyes as he grabbed House's hair forcing the man to lay on his stomach, then rolling him over. "Was it a Uncle or someone at school?" He asked as he started undoing House's belt along with his fly._

"_Is that were it started for you? You fuck your nephew or a friend in school?" House asked loudly wishing someone would hear him and stop this._

"_It's not going to work, no one is around," Tritter said with glee as he pulled House's pants down. He looked at House's limp dick and smiled, he liked knowing that House hated this and that the man wasn't getting any satisfaction from it. "What's wrong Doc? This isn't doing anything for you?"_

"_Of course not, I'm not a sociopath rapist like you are," House spat._

_Tritter put his hand on the scar that ran down House's right thigh and felt House's body tighten up even more. He rubbed it and then bit at House's cock pinching some of the flesh between his teeth, while holding on firmly to House's right leg._

_House tried to pull back as he felt Tritter's teeth causing pain to one of his most sensitive areas, but when he moved he suddenly was blinded by the pain of Tritter's hand pressing deeply into his scar. He refused to let a sound pass his lips as he stopped trying to fight it, letting Tritter bite as he pleased._

"_Good boy, you're learning," Tritter said as he pulled House's balls while twisting them watching the grimace on House's lips. "And think, you could of avoided all of this if you'd just apologized."_

"_I'm not apologizing, you can go fuck yourself," House said looking the other man in the eye._

"_Why would I do that when fucking you looks like such fun?" Tritter said sliding his hand up House's stomach and looking at the muscles which pleased him. Having control over this strong, smart, arrogant, and proud man made him even more aroused. He pulled the shirt up over House's head so that it was hanging inside out on his arms behind his back. Tritter could make out something on __House's chest and dragged him by his hair to the grass where the moonlight was, to see scars that littered House's chest. "Those must have hurt," Tritter said with dilated eyes as he stroked himself just thinking about the pain._

_House looked at Tritter with disgust, "So how do you get off when there isn't an ass around who questions your authority? You can't achieve a release without the fight, consensual sex just doesn't do it for you, right?" House smirked as he saw a anger in Tritter eyes. "That must be soooo frustrating," House said with a smile._

_Tritter started to kick House but stopped, he didn't want to show up with House covered in bruises. The man looked to proud to ever speak of this, but you never knew for sure. Instead Tritter pulled out a condom and slid it on his length. "Time to tap that virgin ass of yours."_

"_Oh sorry to ruin it for you, but I'm no virgin," House said with a cold smile, "and you're anything but special."_

"_And you're a big fat liar," Tritter said with a grin as he turned House over on to his stomach and tried to straddle him but the man underneath moved and bucked trying to keep the inevitable from happening. Tritter grabbed the handcuffs pulling them up high causing House to become still or risk causing his shoulders serious harm. "That's right," Tritter said running a hand over Houses ass and then tilting his head as he read what was carved just above his ass. __**Whore Hole**__ was engraved and below it were marks for the men who had made use of that perfect little hole. Tritter licked his lips as he saw all the marks. He ran a finger across each mark and groaned with lust as he felt the man below him try uselessly to struggle. "Maybe you aren't a liar after all. All those men, taking that sweet little ass of yours for their own and you not being able to do anything about it. It must have been horrifying." Tritter said with a sadistic smile and then he groaned as he looked to see the scars that ran up and down House's back one on top of another, on top of another. He panted as imagined the force behind those blows and the blood from the deep cuts that the whipping caused._

"_You don't seem like the kind of guy to not leave your mark," House said baring his teeth as he twisted his head to look at Tritter._

_Tritter frowned, he wanted to leave his mark but now wasn't the time, "Don't worry I'll leave it next time," he said as he position his throbbing hard dick at House's opening. He smiled as he saw House look away and then plunged in. It was so tight and so good as he pulled the cuffs higher looking at those scars as he was thrusting into that ass. He looked down to see some blood and leaking from it and moaned while running his hands up and down the scars._

_House gritted his teeth as his ass seared from the familiar tearing and pushing deep inside him. He felt his stomach churn and closed his eyes trying to focus on his leg or anything really, anything but what was happening at the moment. _

_Tritter was getting close when he felt some of the tension in the body beneath him dissipate and looked to see that the man had his eyes closed, he was letting his mind wonder and then Tritter pulled out of him and stood up._

_House swallowed as his noticed his body was no longer moving with each trust and looked up to see Tritter standing above him. "I guess I'm just that good," He said not smiling._

_Tritter narrowed his eyes on House, "I'm not doing this so you're mind can vacation else where. Stand up," he commanded._

"_That hole in my leg isn't there for decoration, I can't stand with out my hands or I wouldn't be here." House said as he glared up at Tritter._

_Tritter smiled as he started to realize the doctor's limitations, "Well I am a cop. I'm sure I could help you out with that." He grabbed House's right shoulder and helped get the man off the ground then let go. "Now walk over to the hood of the car," he commanded as he looked at the huge scar on his leg in the moonlight, it was beautiful._

_House's nostrils flared as he looked at the short distance and for the first time felt the threatening burn of tears in his eyes as he looked down. "I can't, not without my cane or arms to help."_

_Tritter's lips curled up as he could see the shame in the man's body language. "It's only ten, maybe twelve feet, are you that weak? You can't even walk ten to twelve feet?" he said loving the humilation he saw on House._

"_No! I'm a cripple! Did you think that my cane was some kind of fashion statement? You're so big and strong you have to take it from a cripple you pussy piece of crap!" House yelled at him with loathing._

_Tritter's eyes gleamed as he saw the pain that was etched on House's face and he licked his lips as he grabbed the mans right side pulling him to the hood of the car, he could stop himself from pushing back into the man as he was bending him over the hood, the pained grunt he'd heard with each step had him edging. Tritter let his fingers dig into the crater as he fucked the man as hard and deep as he could. "That's it, oh yeah... oh yeah!" Tritter moaned as he panted, one hand in the crater the other on holding on to a hunk of House's hair so that the mans head was curved back._

_House tried closing his eyes to escape but after only seconds of closing his eyes Tritter picked his right leg off the ground by the hole in it and House gasped as the pain was too much and his whole body jerked as he puked on the hood of the car._

_Tritter let go of his hair holding his hip tightly as he became overly stimulated by the response to the pain. "Oh GOD... OH FUCK... FUCK YOU!" Tritter yelled loudly as he finally cam, the high lasted a full minuted, then he let go to the leg and rubbed the scars on House's back tenderly. "That was perfect, so unexpected and the way your ass tightened even more on my dick," he let out a deep moan. "We'll have to do this again sometime, I'm not usually a man for repeat performances but you... you're special." Tritter said letting his hands softly run down from the man's hips to his ass to his thighs. "Yes we'll definitely have to do this again." Tritter answered himself as he pulled out of House's bloody ass and took a few steps back admiring his work. He could see the right leg trembling some still in pain and he could see some blood running down the back of House's left thigh as the man was still bent over the hood trying to keep his head from touching the vomit. Tritter took off the condom looking how full it was with a smile then grabbed House's shoulder pulling him into a standing position. He held the condom up to House's face with a smug smile, "Swallow it."_

_House looked at him as if he was crazy, "You must be on something if you think I'm going to swallow that."_

_Tritter smiled, "Nope, I'm not high, I just thought you might not want to get shocked again."_

_House didn't want to get shocked again, he looked back at the used condom seeing the blood that was on the outside and seeing the fullness from Tritters seed. His lip trembled some as he tried to make a decision, which it was going to be, more pain or swallowing the evidence to what happened. He knew he'd never tell anyone, it was too shameful and made him look even weaker than he already did. So why not swallow the evidence, it meant Tritter couldn't black mail him with it later, saying that it was consensual. House opened his mouth and Tritter put it in his mouth letting some of the sperm slosh out on to House's tongue. House almost gagged but stopped himself as he swallowed the contents._

"_Good boy, yeah... that was a very good boy," Tritter said putting his hand on House's bare belly patting it some. "Yummy yummy in your tummy tum tum," he said with a smile. Now lets get you cleaned up some," Tritter said as he pulled his pants and underwear up. When he was done getting dressed right he pulled out a pocket knife and cut off House's underwear and cleaned up his bloody ass with it. "There we go and," he dusted off the grass and gravel on House's body with his hands and then pulled his pants back up, standing close as he did the fly and belt all the time looking in the mans eyes. He could see the determination in the doctors eyes, "I will do this again and again with you. I can promise you that Dr. House." He said as he pulled the shirt back over his head and straightened it out._

"_Only in your dreams," House spat then literally spit in Tritters face._

_Tritter smiled, "Spitting in the face of an officer," he said and tisked, "you know that could be seen as assault of an officer, right?"_

_House's eye twitched as he looked at the man who'd just raped him, "And what do you call what you just did to me?"_

"_For me, I call it a win and for you," he said looking House up and down with a smug grin, "it would be a loss. But we both know you're too proud to admit what happened, not to mention you have no proof. You swallowed the only evidence that proved anything, everything else is circumstantial. You could have gotten a bloody ass from constipation or having rough sex with a partner." He said smiling as he saw House swallow hard, "See that's the thing about being an ass that no one likes. At work if I tell them you resisted arrest and I had to use my stun gun they're going to believe me, but your colleges wont believe you if you said I raped you, because you're an ass." Tritter walked around to the back door opening it up so he could put House in. He helped House into the back of the car and leaned in so that this mouth was on House's neck and whispered, "I'm going to keep doing this until I make you scream, I promise." Tritter smiled as he saw House's tight jaw and dark eyes on his. Then he got back into the drivers seat and started up the car as if nothing had happened._

Cuddy felt cold and sick as she had heard the graphic description of what had happened to him. It still didn't seem real as she tried to wrap her mind around someone actually doing those things to the man she knew as House. She was staring at the table and noticed her hands shaking so she gripped them tight putting them in her lap as she tried to think of something to say. But what could she say after hearing such a thing. She looked up hesitantly to see his lips trembling as he stared with unfocused eyes at the wall. Immediately she felt a strength form inside her, if it was hard for her to hear it must have been unbearable to live through. Cuddy stood up and noticed the whiskey sloshing in his glass as his hand shook. She gently tried to pull the glass from his hand but his hand gripped it tighter and she saw his eyes make it to hers. "House," she said with concern.

House closed his eyes and drank the rest of the contents of the glass then promptly poured himself another four fingers and drank it down then made to pour another glass when Cuddy snatched the bottle from him. He looked down at the table unable to keep eye contact now that she knew exactly how fucking weak and pathetic he was. He rolled over to the his bookcases taking down a book on Freud's Works and opened it to reveal a hole had been cut in it that housed a baggy with some joints in it. House pull one out and rolled over to the window. His hand shook hard as he tried to light it.

"House," she said walking over to him, she wanted to touch him and let him know that he wasn't alone but was afraid that it might upset him more.

"SHUT UP!" He yelled looking at her wide eyes, "if I want to fucking numb myself after reliving something like that I can. I couldn't when he was..." he looked away, "but I can now, and if you have a problem with that then you can just leave, alright?" He said his voice shaking as he started trying to light the joint.

Cuddy walked over and put her hand out, "Give it to me House." House threw it on the ground along with the lighter in frustration of his shaking hands and she picked them both up and started the joint for him herself, then handed it to him.

House looked up at her with surprise as he saw her let go of the drag she had to take to get it started and took the joint from her. "Thanks," he said softly as he looked away and took a drag. "I shouldn't have yelled," he stated glancing her way but not actually making eye contact as he let out the drag and swallowed. "I thought talking about it was supposed to make you feel better?"

She frowned, "Different things help different people," she said. "Do you feel any different since you told me."

"You mean beside completely disgusted with myself for allowing it to happen and embarrassed by the fact that now you know it too?" He asked staring out the window, he didn't hear her respond and hadn't really expected her too. "I feel a little relieved you seem to believe me. You do right?" He asked looking back at her.

Cuddy's mouth was hanging open at the question as she blinked blankly at him. "Of course, why would you think I wouldn't?" He shrugged looking back at the joint and taking another long drag. She pulled the piano bench to her and sat down, "Look at me." Cuddy said with an authoritative tone and he obeyed. "Tritter didn't know what he was talking about, you have friends House. I believe you and so will Wilson."

House let go of his drag, sighing at the same time. "Wilson thought I was a masochist, he thought I enjoyed the pain and that I wanted him to do... THAT to me, but I don't, I don't ever want IT to happen again." He said swallowing hard.

She shook her head, "House you must have misunderstood, I'm sure he didn't think you liked it."

"No, he actually said that he thought I was a masochist," he said looking up at her. "It's been 12 different people it's like I have some kind of sticker on me that says 'If your a sadistic son of a bitch then you should come after me,' maybe it's my fault. Maybe there is something about me that they can just sense, like that Eva girl; how could she have known. Wilson didn't know, you didn't know but somehow this girl just knew from looking at me." He said thinking as he smoked.

Cuddy thought for a second, "I thought you said it was eleven men?" He looked at her with surprise and then licked his lips looking away. "House? How man men has it been?" She asked watching him.

"Tweleve," House said taking a large drag of the pot.

"And you just forgot about one of them last time you told me?" She asked with slight skepticism.

He bowed his head some as the pot seemed to finally make him feel a little numb, "I don't always include him."

"Include who, Tritter?" Cuddy asked not understanding.

House looked back at her, "I don't want to talk about it."

She was surprised by the directness of what he said, usually he misdirected or made a joke, or started tearing someone else down when he felt uncomfortable. Directness... was nice, it meant that he was trying to be truthful and giving her the opportunity to respect his decision. "Fine, we wont." She said putting a hand on his arm, "I don't think that it's something they sense in you. I think the reason Tritter and Vogler targeted you was because people expect disabled people to act insecure. You don't expect them to be braising and in your face with out fear. I think they wanted to make you afraid."

He raised an eyebrow, "How? They didn't do anything new to me. What they did was degrade me, it's not like I'm not degraded everyday when I can't walk in the hospital door without a cane. No, this was about power, from both of them, because I disrespected them."

"Well there you go, just start treating people with respect," Cuddy said dryly as she didn't expect that to actually happen.

House grinned some taking in the last good puff of the joint and then putting it out. "I was brought up that respect was to be earned, not demanded."

She smiled, "Except everyone should respect you."

"I've earned it. I've taken risks and I'm right 99.64% of the time, you can call it luck or whatever the hell you want but statistically speaking I'm right a lot more than most doctors. Other doctors get pissed because I break all the rules and save lives doing it when the book says that my patients should die, but there is a difference between breaking rules to break them and breaking them for the right reasons. They can't see the difference, most people can't, which is the reason for the rules, but you have to remember the golden rule, there is an exception to every rule." He said looking at her with a serious expression and noticed that she look at him with some surprise. "Yeah, pot actually seems to help me be able to explain things to other people in ways that they can understand me better, see drugs aren't so bad right?"

Cuddy put her hands up, "Hey I'm not the one that made it illegal, but I tell you something, if it is ever legalized I'll pay you to smoke up before you talk to patient's family members."

House laughed some, "I'll hold you too it. You know what though? Even though I think I've EARNED respect I don't expect it from anyone who isn't paying me to tell them what's wrong with them, and I'm not surprised when my patients don't respect me. Almost everyone in that Hospital treats me like crap, except the people in the labs."

She smiled, "That's because they haven't met you."

"No, that's because I send them a baked goods basket every Friday morning in the name of the department and I stop in every now and then and keep them up on the gossip." He said wagging his eyebrows while smiling.

She sighed, "Of course the one department that can't actually help you out is the department you're decent too."

House narrowed his eyes on her, "I don't need the other departments, but the lab team... everyone needs the lab team. They're the ones that can rush test and when all your patients seem to be trying to die over every other day and those rushed labs can be the only thing that can help. The lab techs are like the janitor's, everyone overlooks them until they're gone and the trash builds up then everyone suddenly cares about the janitors."

"So why don't you send the nurses baked goods?" Cuddy asked.

He frowned, "Because they're evil."

"No their not, you just don't respect them," She said with a smile.

"They had a betting pool on how long it would take Stacy to leave me after the surgery." House said with dead serious eyes. "They call me GIMPY to other staff members, even to my own team. They leaked a photo of my leg after the shooting and sent it to most of the staff entitled the pretty side of Dr. House."

Cuddy shook her head, "Why didn't you tell me? Why do you let people treat you like that?"

"I'm not a tattle tale and if someone wasn't treating like crap then things wouldn't feel right." House said as he saw the confusion in her eyes. "You might not have been completely wrong when you said that you think I let people hurt me because I think I deserve it because my father might have abused me."

She sighed, "The one time you give me credit for being right about something and its the one time I wish I wasn't."

He smirked, "I don't think I said that you were right, hell hasn't frozen over. I just said you might not be completely wrong."


	20. Chapter 20: Wilson Dances

When the phone rang it startled Cuddy and House smirked as he looked on the ID to see it was Wilson. "Let me guess, you can't even make it through the work day without hearing my voice."

Wilson was surprised that House sounded a good amount happier than he did when he called earlier. "Actually I wanted to call and tell you I was going to be late getting to your place," He said with a frown.

"Why? And I thought it was our place," House said looking away from Cuddy's concerned glances.

"You know how it is, you miss a week and everything just seems to pile up... and that friend of mine wanted to see if I'd get a drink with him tonight, you don't mind, right?" Wilson asked trying to sound casual.

House swallowed remembering all that times Wilson had done things with him instead of going home to his wives, "Of course not, go have fun, just try and remember your car this time."

Wilson's lip twitched as he heard some disappointment in House's voice. "You sure you're okay with this? I can go to your place straight after work if that's what you want."

"So it isn't our place, I just want to be clear," House asked assertively.

Wilson sighed, "I don't know, I know I said yes last night, but maybe I didn't think about it enough."

House felt a panic in his chest, "Is this because I wasn't comfortable with you giving me a blow job?"

Wilson closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "If most of our problems are in the bedroom then maybe it would make more sense if we didn't share one."

"Are you going to fuck someone else tonight... is that why you need to go out?" House asked so soft it was almost a whisper.

Wilson was stunned by the question.

"Never mind, I don't want to know. Have a good time and... be careful," House said trying to sound strong.

"I'm not going to have sex with anyone else tonight House! You know what, I don't feel like going out anymore, I'll just come straight on to your place. Then we can both get all worked up and neither one of us get any ending satisfaction and we can go to bed upset again. It's sounds like a blast!" Wilson said venting his frustration.

House didn't know what he was suppose to say here or do so he hung up the phone and took some deep breaths.

When Wilson heard to beeping on the other end of the phone he cursed and then dialed up House again.

"What?" House said picking it back up as he looked at the floor.

Wilson was shocked House actually answer, "I'm sorry, that wasn't fair."

"Life isn't fair," House shot back.

Wilson frowned, "I just need some space, that's why I was going to go out tonight, is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure, I think that's good. Cuddy and me have been talking," House said hoping Wilson would realize that he was trying to get better.

Wilson was happy and disappointed, he wished it could be him that House was talking to, but it was better for House to be talking to someone than no one. "That's real good, you feel any better?"

"I feel a little relieved," House said truthfully. "James, I love you."

Wilson smiled some, "I know, I love you too. I should get going. So, I'll go out and Cuddy and you can talk some more."

"Sounds good," House said and they both hung up the phone.

Cuddy gave him a disapproving shake of her head, "You've got to let go of this delusion that he's going to cheat on you House."

"It's not a delusion," he said with a frown.

"Yes it is, and you're going to push him away until your delusion becomes a reality," She said standing up.

House flexed his jaw, "I asked him if he thought about cheating on me last night and he didn't respond."

"Maybe because he was shocked you'd ask," Cuddy said condescendingly.

"No, he had that sideways guilt glance like he always does when he's gotten caught," he said looking at the floor again. "Believe me, I know that glance, I've caught him in more affairs then his wives ever did. Maybe... if I just got really really high or used some Ketamine then I could..."

"Ketamine?! Your plan is to use a date rape drug on yourself so you two can have sex?! No!" She said sternly as he looked down at him.

House looked at with honest eyes, "You really think I'm going to wake up one morning and just know that I'm ready to have sex with a man? It's like a cat... cat's don't like water at first but then you give them a couple of baths and at first they fight it but in the end they learn that the bath wont hurt them and are okay with baths. It's going to take time for me to feel comfortable and good about being with a man, maybe me being numb would help us both out the first couple of times."

"NO!" She said looking at him with scared features, "House, that's not the the way."

"He's already reconsidering moving in, I don't want to lose him because of this," he said with worried eyes.

Cuddy could tell that had really upset House, "That's not a reason to drug yourself up and trick him into thinking your ready for sex." She said but he didn't respond and she sighed, "Alright, so you think that the physical relationship is were the troubles are, right?"

"Yeah," he said looking up at her.

"So, why don't you write a list for him," she said with a shrug.

"What kind of list?" House asked giving her a curious look.

Cuddy smiled, "Half the problems in relationships are bad communications, so be direct. Write a list of things you feel comfortable with, a list of things you would like to try, and a list of things that you don't want in the bedroom. That way he isn't trying to read your mind and end up feeling dejected when you aren't comfortable with something he want's to do."

He grimaced, "Doesn't it sort of take away the romance?"

"Does knowing what you're going to eat for dinner ruin the meal or wet your appetite for it?" She asked with a smile, "And since when are you a romantic?"

House was in thought, "But if I do that he might start asking questions about why certain things are on certain lists."

"Then talk to him about it," Cuddy said with earnest.

"I'm not ready to explain to him why a plastic bag in my room sets me off, or why pens are on the list of prohibited items in my room." He said looking down.

The bag was probably used for suffocation which was worrisome, but she had know idea why a pen would be on the list. "Pens?"

"See, that's exactly what I mean." He said and sighed, "They're all good and stuff until one get's shoved up your urethra," House said and swallowed. "I don't want to tell him what all has been done to me. I don't want him to look at me and see that. Right now he somehow sees me as sexy and the way he looks at me, it makes me feel...(he blushed some) good."

Cuddy chewed on her lip some, "Okay, so maybe you don't tell him until later when you're both more comfortable in the relationship. Just explain to him why you don't want to share and I'm sure he'll understand."

1111111111111

Wilson looked around feeling slightly nervous and as soon as he spotted Brandon he made a be line for him. "Hey," he said looking around some.

"Hey there yourself, glad to see you recovered well from last night," Brandon said as he picked up his jacket from the stool next to him so that Wilson could sit down.

Wilson sat down with a half smile, "You could have told me this was a gay bar," he said as he looked at all the men.

Brandon laughed, "That would have ruined all the fun. You know what you want to drink?"

Wilson looked at the specialty drinks and his face blushed as he read the names, "Do I really have to call them by those names?"

"If you want to get the drink then yes," Brandon said with a smile.

"Then I think I'll just have a beer," Wilson said.

Brandon sighed, "Tell me what you want and I'll order it for you," he suggested. Wilson leaned in and whispered and Brandon smile. "He'll have the nuts in cream," Brandon said loudly to the bartender.

Wilson blushed as he saw the bartender look his way and grin along with a couple of other patrons at the bar. "Thanks for being subtle," he said sarcastically.

"Your welcome, anytime," Brandon said with a wink. "So, speaking of cream... how did you do the other night or did you chicken out?" He asked poking his poking his tongue into his cheek to give Wilson a visual of what he meant.

Wilson blushed some more, "He said no, so I stopped and we went to bed."

"Oh," Brandon said in a knowing way and gave a cute pout to Wilson, "so, you went to bed mad? That's not a good sign."

"I just don't get it, he asked me to move in with him last night and then we lay down and things are fine and suddenly he puts on the breaks without even an explanation." Wilson huffed.

Brandon leaned in a little to keep the conversation private, "You might not want to know," he said giving him a knowing look but then realizing by the confused look on Wilson's face he wasn't getting it. "Has he told you anything about... what was done to him, you know specificity?"

"No, why?" Wilson asked as he watched Brandon with interest.

"Well, does he have scars and stuff?" Brandon asked.

Wilson blinked as he suddenly felt sick, "Um... yeah, he does, but I don't know which ones are from accidents, or his father, or from his sexual assaults."

"Sometimes it's better not knowing, because once you know... you know," Brandon said with slightly haunted eyes, then tilted his head toward the drink that was put on the bar.

"Oh, um the bartender didn't wait to get my card," Wilson said looking for the him.

"Don't worry, I told him to put your drinks on my tab. You just get the tip and next time you can get the drinks," Brandon said.

"Okay," Wilson said taking a sip, "mmm, this is really good."

"You sure they got enough cream in it for you?" Brandon asked with a flirty smile.

Wilson rolled his eyes, "So, you trying to pick someone up tonight to take home and take advantage of or do you just come here for the drinks with the lewd names."

"Take home," Brandon scoffed with a smile, "what do you think this is a straight bar. If all I want is some sex most of the men here are fine giving me that in the bathroom or in my car."

"Remind me to be careful of where I sit in your car next time I'm drunk," Wilson said with a smirk.

"So, you want to dance?" Brandon said.

Wilson loved to dance, but shook his head, "I better not."

"Why? Afraid the homosexual will take advantage of you?" Brandon said jokingly.

Wilson shook his head, "No, it's just if I start dancing then I start doing shots, then clothing starts coming off and I end up waking up only god knows where."

"Sounds like fun," Brandon said with a smirk.

Wilson laughed some, "It is fun, until you wake up the next morning, then things aren't so good."

"So eliminate the shots, you can still dance and have fun," Brandon said looking at the dance floor.

Suddenly a realization hit Wilson, if him and House worked out he'd probably never get to really dance with him. He took a sip of his drink as he thought about how House use to dance with Stacy and now he couldn't, somehow it had never hit him before.

"You alright?" Brandon said with some worry.

"It's just... House use to love dancing too but ever since the infarction he hasn't been able to dance. I've been his friend for the better part of a decade and I've never even thought about it, it's like the groceries. Who thinks how hard it would be to carry in groceries and open the door if you were cripple and had to use a cane to walk? No one does, until one day your boyfriend has to explain it to you." Wilson said feeling especially down as he drank the rest of his drink.

"How old is this guy?" Brandon asked then caught the eye of the bartender and ordered some drinks.

"Um, he's forty-six," Wilson said with a smile.

Brandon thought about it, "So he isn't all that old. When you said infarction and cane I started thinking that maybe you had a grandpa fetish.

"No, House definitely isn't the grandpa type, you should meet him sometime. There really isn't anyone else like him. He's an amazing doctor and he really is quite sexy even if he doesn't realize it. He's got the bluest eyes, their hypnotic."

Brandon gave a sad smile as he could see that Wilson really did care about House a lot. It always seems like the good ones are taken. "Maybe we could double date sometime."

Wilson laughed as he thought about House and him on a double date, "I don't know, House isn't really good in social situations."

"Practice makes perfect right? And I'm sure all you have to do is say please and he'll cave, who could say no to that cute face." Brandon said looking in Wilson's eyes.

Wilson swallowed as he noticed the way Brandon was looking at him, "When would you like to do it?"

Brandon licked his lips as he thought about how else that question could go, "Um, how about Friday night, I know a great place."

"Yeah, just make sure it's wheelchair accessible, he lost a good amount of weight because he had tumors in his stomach, so he's in a wheelchair until he gains back the leg muscle he lost." Wilson said with a sad smile.

"I feel like there is something I'm missing, I understand the guy had and infarction, but why does he need the cane and why does some weight loss put him in a wheelchair?" Brandon asked as the doctor side of him was curious.

Wilson blinked and was surprised when a bright red drink was put down in front of him that had a blue sugared rim. "What's this?"

"It's the Rimming a Cherry, they're addictive. Now you were about to explain the cane and wheelchair." Brandon said with a smile.

"His infarction wasn't caught in time, the first doctor thought it was a bad cramp and didn't take him as serious as they should have because he grabbed the syringe and administered the drug himself. He was in a lot of pain, but the doctor thought it was drug seeking behavior. He went home and two days later he came in covered in sweat and shaking from the pain claiming it was an infarction. Everyone thought he had lost his mind and was on some kind of drug, but they looked and he was right and they removed the clot. At that point there was quite a bit of muscle death and he was in so much pain. He was presented with two options, cut the leg off or wait it out for a day and see if any of the muscle tissue could be saved now that the blood was flowing again. He choose the later, but the pain go so bad he eventually asked to be in a chemically induced coma and then his girlfriend at the time and doctor decided on a different treatment, they cut out the dead muscle. I heard that he screamed so loud that the whole floor above and below could hear it when he woke up to find that... crater in his right thigh. The amount of dead muscle was HUGE, they removed a little over five pounds." Wilson said as he could see it all happening in his own head.

"Jesus Christ, that must have been horrible," Brandon said taking a good sized drink of his own cocktail.

Wilson shook his head and took a drink of his as well, "You have no idea. It almost killed him and then it didn't help when his girlfriend left after all of three weeks. The therapy was brutal and he was so stubborn, never willing to give up. Him getting to the cane was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen and at the same time one of the most painful things I've ever seen."

"I'd imagine, I'm surprised he could ever get to the point of a cane considering how much muscle he lost," Brandon said and rubbed Wilson's back. "I'm guessing you helped him?"

"Lost a marriage over it," Wilson said and then gave Brandon a half smile, "I still can't say I regret it."

Brandon laughed some as his hand stopped on his shoulder, "So you two really do have something."

"Yeah, we do. We've been though hell and back with each other, and it's not just one sided. All my marriages and divorces he's been there for me always saying what he needs to say to get me to do what I need to do. He's the only person who can infuriate me in less than a minute and at the same time he's the only one that can make me laugh when I feel like giving up. He's... well he's amazing" Wilson said wishing House were here with him right now.

"So, exactly how many times have you been married?" Brandon asked with interest.

"Three times," Wilson said taking another long drink.

"Wow, three times, you don't mess around," Brandon said with a smile

Wilson shrugged, "They wanted to get married so I married them. Don't get me wrong I cared about them and loved them some, but none of those relationships hold a candle to what I feel about House. It's ironic, him and me have been friends for ten years and yet it isn't until he finally comes clean and admits he loves me that our relationship really has a chance of failing."

"Hey, I thought you said you needed a break from things at home, so lets have some fun here and stop talking about House." Brandon said looking back at the dance floor with a grin.

Wilson followed Brandon's eyes to the dance floor and smiled some, "I'd look like an idiot in the middle of all those twenty year olds."

"Oh don't be so negative, look there are some older guys out there too, and you can't forget I'd be out there with you. Come on, live a little," Brandon said finishing off his drink and getting off the stool.

Wilson followed suit, soon they were both on the dance floor. "Wow this is crowded," he said as he started moving to the music.

Brandon was bumped by someone behind him making him brush up against Wilson and smiled, "What a shame."

Wilson blushed some and continued dancing, they continued to get pushed into one another a few more times before they decided to dance closer. Their bodies raking up and down the others with only the clothes seperating them as they both worked up a sweat as they moved to the rythem. It was intense and after about thirty minutes Wilson got off the dance floor to get a drink to help him cool down.

Brandon joined him with a huge smile, "See, I told you that you could keep up with those youngsters."

Wilson laughed as he took off his tie, "Yeah and I feel like I'm about to pass out. I've got to get a drink."

Brandon like seeing the tie come off it made Wilson look less uptight. "A drink sounds good, you want another one of the cherry?"

"Actually I was hoping to get a Blow Job before the night ended," Wilson said as he took some deep breaths to cool down.

It took Brandon a moment to realize he was talking about the drink, "Um.. yeah, sure... those are really good. I'll get us some." He said as he sat down at the bar and ordered them.

"Man, I ought to do this more often, I had to have burned off over three hundred calories just dancing." Wilson said still excited about the dancing.

Brandon looked over at Wilson and shook his head as he grabbed a napkin from the bar. "Yeah and it's showing," he said as he wiped off Wilson's brow and then his neck some. He looked up to see Wilson's eyes on his.

Neither man was sure who started it but with in seconds they were kissing and soon it ended with Wilson pulling back. "I.. I... can't do this. You're nice and good looking and a great dance partner but I..."

"You love him, I get it," Brandon said softly and swallowed. "It's all good, don't worry. We're just friends, I know that."

Wilson nodded some as he took a sip of the drink, "I'm not sure who kissed who but I tend to only think with one of my heads after I've been drinking. So if I try anything on you after a couple of drinks then please just push me away."

Brandon smirked, "Maybe you should get drunk with your boyfriend and see what happens."

Wilson frowned, "I would but I might push him to go farther then he wants and I can't trust him to stop me. He let me beat the crap out of him without so much as a peep the first time he kissed me and then there was the spanking incident."

Brandon was now staring at Wilson with concerned eyes, "What?"

Wilson looked over and realized he hadn't just thought that, he'd said it out loud. "The first time he kissed me, I reacted badly. I hurt him really bad and he just... he just let me, didn't even try to stop me and he was so... quiet. I didn't mean to hurt him, I black-outed but worked though my issues with a therapist, it scared me that he didn't even try to stop me, that's why we didn't talk for a while. When we started dating House wanted us to have all these rules and agree on what the punishments would be for breaking the rules. We both agreed on everything and then he broke a rule, so I decided to give him a spanking, it was a approved punishment after all. Well I could tell when I took my belt off he was scared but... I thought he was just trying to get me to back down or something and I gave him ten hits on his ass with clothes on and everything." He said and then drank some more of the drink.

"And what happened after the spanking?" Brandon asked with worry.

"He had a flashback I guess. He thought I was his father and he apologize for being a bad son and said he'd try to make me proud, he even asked me not to hate him. It was creepy to say the least, so no more spankings." Wilson said softly.

"I wouldn't think so," Brandon said with a frown.

111111111111

"Be careful!" Cuddy screeched as she saw him wobble, "Are you sure this is such a great idea to be trying without Wilson here?"

House could feel his muscles straining to hold up his body as he moved the crutches a little. "I need to work my muscles, that's the only way they're going to get stronger. You are just as capable as he is to help me up if I fall, so quit worrying." He said as he looked a head of him and Cuddy stood to the side. He took a deep breath and put his weight down on his left foot and then tried to let his right leg take some of the weight. "Oh..." he gasped as he tried to get use to the pain.

"How many vicoden have you had today?" she asked with worry over his pained features.

"Two, why?" he said as he tried to stay focused on standing straighter.

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "House even I know you need more than two pills a day. Where are they?"

"I'm trying to cut back, I thought you'd be all for that," House said through clentched teeth from the pain.

"Why? You just had surgery and you know you're going to need it to work you're leg. Wilson didn't ask you to cut back did he?" She asked as she moved in front of him.

House sighed and looked down, "Not yet, now please stop talking I need to focus."

"Where are they?" Cuddy demanded. His right knee gave away and he quickly shifted all his weight to his left leg and used the crutches to hold up his weight with his arms. "Are you okay?" She asked with her hands on his chest.

"I'm fine," He said looking at her with determination.

She swallowed as she could feel every bone in his chest and his hearts rapid pace. "You're heart rate is too high," she said with worry.

He looked at her breast, "What can I say, I'm a man and you're a woman wearing a very low top. I'm a pig, I know, we all are."

"Or you're in too much pain because you haven't been taking your vicoden," Cuddy said with irritation. "Where is it House?" She asked softer.

House knew she was right even though he hated to admit it and his head dropped some, "The night stand on the left side of the bed."

She knew it was the closest thing she was going to get to an admittance that the pain was too much. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?" She asked and left to find the pills. When she got back he was still in the same position. "You need to sit down, take your pills and then try again when they start to work."

He lifted his head and opened his mouth since he couldn't let go of the crutches without falling, but Cuddy didn't get him any out. He looked at the orange vile of pills and let his head fall down again, "Please," he said softly letting some of the pain show in his voice.

Cuddy opened the bottle getting him out three pills, "You're an ass, you know that?" She said unable to deny getting the pills for him after hearing that broken please.

House lifted his head and had a glimmer of a smile on his face, "And you're so easy." He said then opened his mouth.

She dropped them in to see him chew on them and close his eyes. She could see some sweat on his brow even though it was cold in his place. "I'll be right back," she said not really sure if he was paying attention to her since he was breathing heavy with his eyes closed shut. She left and brought back a cool wet rag and a banana.

His eyes burst open at the feel of the cool rag being dragged across his brow. "That feel better?" She asked and saw his eyes get colder.

"A little sweat isn't going to hurt me, you don't have to baby me," House said with frustration.

Cuddy raised an eyebrow, and wiped his neck which also was glistening with sweat. "And you don't have to be an insufferable ass because you're in pain and I'm actually trying to help. Don't worry I wont tell anyone if you're actually a human being for once in your life."

House looked at her with dark eyes, "Taking the easy way makes you weak. If I start excepting your kind gestures and getting use to them then what happens when I'm here by myself and there isn't someone to get me a rag. It's just better not to depend..." he looked away from her worried eyes, "get use to things, you never know how long something will last."

"A lesson from dear old dad?" She asked.

"What if it is? Even if it is, that doesn't make it wrong. Stacy left, Wilson left once and will again, and you will too at some point. That's what people do, they leave." He said with truthful eyes.

"And fathers beat their children to a pulp and don't take them to the hospital right?" Cuddy asked looking him in the eyes. He looked away swallowing hard and she narrowed her eyes on him. "He had a warped mind, most parents couldn't do the things he did to you, they wouldn't to hurt their son."

"But I wasn't his kid was I!" House said loudly with anger in his eyes. "I was just the bastard he got stuck with, so see what you said doesn't apply. Nothing applies to bastards, you don't have to feed them or let them in the house at night. You can do whatever you want to them and everyone looks the other way."

"You were just a kid House, I'm sure you weren't that bad, no child deserves to be beaten," She said.

House sighed, "You don't get it. I wasn't his... when I say I was the bastard he got stuck with, I mean it literally."

"And your mother told you this?" Cuddy asked stunned.

House licked his lips, "No, but.."

"But what? You think he isn't your father because you don't want to be related to him?" She asked with sympathetic eye, "We don't get to pick our parents House, being related to him doesn't make you like him."

"I had my doubts about him being my biological father at the age of twelve but he told me I wasn't his when I was fifteen." He said with challenging eyes.

Cuddy gave him a sad smile, "And you're father wasn't the kind of person who would tell you that just because he was pissed and wanted to hurt you, right?"

House thought about that some and sighed, "I should get back to work."

"Eat the banana and I'll be out of your way," She said as she started peeling and put it in front of his mouth.

He shook his head, "I don't even like banana's that's Wilson's."

"Too bad, and I'm sure he wont care. Now eat, remember you just had surgery on your stomach and the last thing you need to do is be taking medications what can hurt your stomach without food." Cuddy said as she put the end at his lips.

House narrowed his eyes and snapped a large bite off, then another and the last time he almost got her fingers. "Happy?" he said with while still chewing and swallowed as he saw her move out of his way. He picked himself up with his arms and swung his body some landing on his left foot while holding his right leg up. He slowly lower it to balance himself better by putting some weight on it. It hurt bad but he felt like he could move the crutches back up to where his body was and quickly did so, only barely swaying. House smiled as he licked his lips and did it again.


	21. Chapter 21: Loaded Gun

_Thanks for the review Freddy I addressed a responce in the top of this chapter._

_Dear Freddy,_

_I see your points, I'm really trying not to split House and Wilson up and I do want House to open up to Wilson more as time passes. I know it sounds stupid for the writer of something to say that they want a character they are writing about to do something, but this story is very much about the feelings and for House to open I need for him to want to. House has always wanted the one thing the acts like he could care the least about... ACCEPTANCE. He never felt accepted by his father or the hospital, but he did by Cuddy at some point and he does at the moment with Wilson and that is priceless to him. I have to get the character to honestly trust that Wilson will still accept him after he hears what happened to him. We all know Wilson would accept House, but House doesn't right now, he's scared more so because Wilson ratted him out only a couple of months ago and left him after his attempted suicide. I'm going to have to put some work into it, but it's worth it, I want House and Wilson's relationship grow as they learn more about one another, and that goes both ways... Now there's an idea, Wilson talks to House about something and therefore it pushes House to do the same. :) Thanks Freddy, I think I have an idea_

_Nicole_

Wilson sighed loudly again and Brandon frowned, "The same guy?" Wilson nodded and left the dance floor with irritation, sitting at the bar and ordering two drinks. It didn't take long of Brandon to be sitting beside him. "Sorry, some guys drink and it's fine and other turn into assholes." He said watching the blonde headed body builder winked at Wilson.

Wilson frowned and tried to avoid the guy. "You know what, it's getting late anyways, so I think I'm going to head out after this drink."

Brandon was disappointed, "It's only seven-thirty, you aren't leaving because it's late. Don't let this guy ruin your time. You were having a blast dancing before he started bugging you."

Wilson sighed, "Okay maybe he made me want to leave, but I do need to go. House and me need to talk about stuff and I would like to leave early enough to be able to do that and not be drunk."

"You sure you really want to go after the drink and you're not just leaving because of the handsy Hanson brother on the dance floor?" Brandon asked tilting his head toward the guy who still was trying to get Wilson's attention.

"Yes," Wilson said and got out his wallet as the bartender came over with the drinks. "Here's the tip for the drinks tonight," he said handing the man a fifty.

"Thanks sweetie," the bartender said with a smile and left.

Brandon shook his head as he took a sip of the drink, "You know how to win the bartender over, he'll be happy next time he see's you."

Wilson shrugged, "I was a bartender once," he said and noticed the skepitical look he received from Brandon, "okay so it was only for a week. It still counts," he said with a goofy smile and took a sip of his drink.

Brandon looked a little nervous and put a hand on Wilson's arm, "You going to tell House about the kiss?"

"I don't know," Wilson said softly.

Brandon nodded understandingly, "Well, if you don't want to tell, then you don't have to worry about me saying anything. It just happened, it wasn't intentional or anything," he said with honest eyes.

Wilson swallowed, "Yeah, I know. It's just I'm not sure he'll see it that way. The reason most of those marriages didn't work out was I had a tendency to not be very faithful, so..."

"But you didn't love them as much as you love him," Brandon said and took a drink.

Wilson smiled at that, "No, I didn't." he took a long drink too.

"So they always caught you?" Brandon asked.

"Actually I was only caught once and that was my fourth affair in that marriage. I always told them," Wilson said with a shy smile.

Brandon laughed some, "You told them? Who tells their wife their cheating on them?"

"A pussy, well that's what House called me when he found out. He said that telling them was selfish because while I got to feel better because I had told them the truth and cleared my conscience they felt like crap because I didn't want them." Wilson said with a shrugg.

"Was he right?" Brandon asked watching Wilson drink the rest of his beverage.

"Probably, he usually is," Wilson said and scoffed. "Give me a call tomorrow and we'll work out the details about Friday night." He said getting off the stool.

"Hey baby, you aren't leaving yet, are you? I didn't even get to dance with you," the blonde said walking closer and blocking Wilson's path out while looking him up and down.

"Man give it a rest, he isn't interested." Brandon said with annoyance.

The blonde scoffed cockily running his hands up and down his toned body, "Oh, he's interested and I wasn't talking to you dog face, I was talking to your hot owner." he said winking at Wilson.

Wilson wasn't amused, "I'm in a relationship, sorry." He said without any true sympathy.

"Let me explain something to you cutie, he'd not a boyfriend." The man said looking at Brandon, "He's the kind of guy who doesn't remember your name after sex."

"Oh right, that's where I remember you from. I couldn't figure it out from the front," Brandon said with grin and the blonde rolled his eyes.

Wilson wondered if Brandon really had slept with the man but figured it was none of his business. "I didn't say I was with him. I have a boyfriend at home I really need to be getting back too. Like I said, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression."

"Don't lie to me, I saw you kissing Brandon?" The man said looking at Wilson expectantly who didn't comment, "Oh I see, you're THAT kind of boyfriend."

Wilson swallowed, "It was a mistake, it just happened."

The blonde laughed, "Yeah, a lot can just happen if you let it brown eyes," he said running a hand down Wilson's back who jerked away.

"I'm not interested and I'm leaving," Wilson said looking at the blonde the looked back at Brandon. "Talk to you later." He said and started to leave.

"So what? I'm not good enough for you?" The blonde said obviously drunk and pissed as he grabbed Wilson's arm. Wilson shrugged the arm off and left.

It didn't take Wilson long to realize he was being followed by the blonde and when he finally parked his car at House's place he ran inside as he heard the other car screech as it hit it's breaks to park.

Both House and Cuddy's head turned to look at Wilson who was locking the door. House rolled over to him and put a hand on his arm and Wilson jumped at the touch looking back to see House.

House could tell something had really upset Wilson, "What's wrong? What has you..." but House was cut off by a loud knocking at the door.

"Oh come on, we both know you want this," came a drunken slur from the other side of the door. "Hey open up!"

House looked at the door with a pissed off look.

"He just wouldn't leave me alone, so I left and he followed, I'm sorry I didn'..." Wilson's speech was cut off by the pounding on the door.

"Did he hurt you?" House all but growled as he stared down the door.

Wilson was a little scared by House's tone, "Um, no, he just..."

"Get in the bedroom," House commanded and Wilson obeyed even though House never looked back to check. "Cuddy get out your phone," he said and unlocked the door opening it to see a huge built man on the other side with blond hair.

"See I knew," the man said looking up waiting to see Wilson and then down to see some pissed off guy in a wheelchair, "who are you?"

House rolled his eyes, "I'm the guy inside the place you're trying to get into."

"Where'd the cute one go, brown eyes?" the blonde asked as he peered through the open door hoping to spot Wilson.

"Brown eye... hmmm, don't know anyone by that name here, you must have gotten the wrong door," House said encouragingly and started to close the door.

The blonde pushed the door back open with force, "No I didn't, I saw him go in this door! Are you suppose to be the boyfriend he was talking about. Wow, no wonder he would be at a club, I mean it's not like it can be all that fun with a fucking cripple in the sack." He said and started laughing at his own joke.

House's smiled a toothy evil grin, "That's pretty good, but I bet I can beat you." He said and then slid his hand inside the cast iron umbrella holder that he had his cane in and when he pulled it out there was a black pistol in his hand that he pointed at the man in his doorway. "LEAVE NOW!" He growled at the man as he took the safety off.

"Is that a gun?!" Cuddy screeched as she looked at House with shock.

"You're not going to shoot me," the blonde said while staring at the gun.

House looked as if he was confused, "And exactly why do you think I wont."

"You can't, I'm not even inside your place," the blonde said as he was starting to sober up some.

House shook his head at the man with disappointment. "I can do whatever the hell I want."

"You don't have it in you to kill someone for no reason." The blonde said with a challenging look.

House's eyes turned from angry to cold as he smiled some. "Do you think I bought this gun especially for you? For all you know I'm a serial killer who's never gotten caught, or maybe I'm a vet who's killed to many people to count. Now try using that withered up brain of yours and make the right call. Leave."

The blonde narrowed his eyes on House and then the gun, "You're boyfriend is a sluty litt..." he stopped as he saw House's finger pull back some on the trigger.

"I don't think you want to finish that statement," House said as he stared at the man with fire in his eyes. The blonde stepped back a few steps and then turned and ran to his car. House let out a deep sigh as he eased his finger off the trigger and and swallowed. He didn't like guns, he never had but he was good with them and he would use one if he had too, to protect Wilson. His hands were a little shaky as he put the safety on and slid it in the sleeve he had attached in the umbrella holder.

"What the hell was that?" Cuddy said as she looked at him with big eyes.

House didn't look at her, "That was me taking care of business. You should go."

She blinked at him as she gathered her stuff, still not knowing what to make out of the incident. "Why do you have a gun?"

He shrugged, "I told him it was because I was vet."

Cuddy shook her head, "But you aren't."

House really wasn't in the mood to play game or argue with Cuddy so he pulled out the gun and held it out to her she walked over to it slowly and read 1st Lt. Gregory House engraved on the side of the gun. "I need to check on Wilson."

She swallowed and nodded, still looking at the gun with worry and then she looked at him with fear as she started to leave as she wondered who he was.

He didn't want her to be scared of him, "I never wanted to be in the Marines, it's not who I am." He said and she stopped her retreat to look back at him. "I'll explain some other time, I promise."

Cuddy frowned, "Have you killed people?"

House's jaw tightened and his eyes shined with regret, "Yes, but I wasn't going to kill that guy unless I had to."

She seemed to be in thought on what he'd said, "I'll see you for lunch tomorrow." She said and left with an unsure look.

He sighed and closed the door, locking it and then rolled into the bedroom. Wilson was sitting on the foot of the bed and looked to him.

"What happened?" Wilson asked as he watched House roll towards the end of the bed.

House stood up carefully and sat down on the bed, "He's gone and he isn't coming back." He said as he looked into Wilson's scared eyes and swallowed. "Are you okay?"

Wilson nodded absently, "He kept touching me when I was dancing and then... he wouldn't leave me alone when I said I wasn't interested. I told him I had a boyfriend and left and he followed me." He said repeating what had happened, not knowing what else to do.

House's eyes scanned Wilson's body for any signs of harm, "You said he touched you, did he hurt you at all?"

Wilson looked in House's eyes seeing true concern and love, "No, he didn't hurt me. How'd you get him to leave?"

House shrugged, "I showed him my pistol, what else would I do?"

Wilson gave a odd smile at first as he thought and then the smile faded, "You're serious aren't you? This isn't a metaphor is it?"

"It doesn't matter, what matters is that you're okay," House said as he put his hand on top of Wilson's.

"You have a gun?" Wilson asked.

House sighed, "I have a couple of guns. Is that a problem?"

"No, maybe... you could teach me how to shoot?" Wilson asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I have a membership at a gun range, I could do it tomorrow," House said adamantly.

Wilson thought about it some, "I would like that."

"The place I go has classes you can go to, to get your firearms license, after you complete the course then you fill out a form and in about thirty days you get the license, then you can buy guns." House told him as he rubbed his hand up Wilson's arm.

Wilson noticed the tender gesture and leaned toward House who wrapped his arms around him. "It reminded me of college, just feeling so... vulnerable."

"Shhh, it's okay. I'd never let anything happen to you," House said as he rubbed Wilson's back with his hands while hugging him. "Remember you're with me and anyone who wants to get to you has to come through me now."

Wilson swallowed hard and wrapped his arms around House too, "Thank you for getting rid of him."

House kissed his neck then whispered in his ear, "That's my job."

Wilson pulled back from House and smiled, "What do say we call it an early night?"

House smiled, "I'd like that."

Wilson got up and handed House his pajamas, "I'm going to turn off the lights and go to the restroom." Soon he was walking out of the restroom and looked to see House under the covers, he turned off the lights and got in his side of the bed and wiggled over to House's side. House seemed to be able to read his mind as he turned toward Wilson and wrapped his arms around him holding him firmly but not too tight.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that today," House said as he nuzzled the back of Wilson's head.

Wilson felt a little nervous as he held onto House's hands, "Do you think this was my fault for going to a gay bar?"

House gave Wilson a soft squeeze, "No, of course not. That guy was a jack ass who got drunk and then got even more stupid than usual. It's not your fault at all." He said and smiled as he imagine his up tight lover in a gay bar. "So, how was the gay bar?"

Wilson laughed some, "They had some interesting names for their drinks."

"Oh did they now? Like what?" House said with a chuckle.

"They had one called nuts and cream, and one called Rimming a Cherry and another called Blow Job. They were all really good surprisingly," Wilson said with a smile.

"Really, and which one did you like the best?" House asked seductively as he kissed Wilson's neck.

Wilson licked his lips, "Um, Rimming the Cherry was really good."

House sucked on Wilson's ear some, "You want me to rim your cherry?"

Wilson started to roll and House loosened his grip allowing Wilson to face him. "I want us to be able to experience something together not just you doing something to me, that's what I really want Greg." He said looking in House's eyes.

House chew on his lips some as he decide whether or not to tell Wilson what he'd really been wanting to give a try, "I've been wanting to try something," he said quickly with insecure eyes.

"Okay?" Wilson said feeling both curious and a little worried by House's noticeable anxiety.

House leaned toward Wilson's ear and whispered, "I want us to hold each other with out barriers, just... you and me, skin on skin."

Wilson felt a flush of warmth at the thought of sharing that kind of intimacy with Greg, "But... I thought you felt uncomfortable with me seeing you naked?"

"It's dark and our bodies will be under the covers, it's something we could do together and we could touch each other... or not if you don't want to try it's fine we don't have too," House said hesitantly.

Wilson saw House look away and ran his hand through the other mans hair who's eyes met his again, "So does this mean you want to go back to level two?" Wilson asked and House nodded. "You sure about this? I mean can you handle this?" he asked with concern.

"I think so, I want to try it if your up for it, James," House said softly.

"Okay," Wilson said and leaned in kissing House on his lips and then pulled away as he felt a slap of guilt for kissing Brandon. The amount of emotion involved in kissing House was all consuming where with Brandon it had only been a physical comfort.

"What's wrong? Is this too much after what happened tonight?" House asked as he pulled away to give Wilson some space. "I wasn't meaning to be insensitive."

Wilson had never felt so disgusted with himself, yes he'd felt guilty all the times he'd cheated but he literally felt sick and couldn't even meet Greg's eyes. "It isn't that. I.." he hesitated he knew this would hurt Greg bad, "I need to tell you something Greg."

House could tell something wasn't right as his hairs seemed to be standing on end. "Look at me, James," he said afraid that maybe Wilson had lied when he said that he wasn't hurt. James slowly made his eyes meet Greg's and as soon as they met Greg knew. His eyes shined with pain and his lips trembled some, "Don't," he said pulling back.

"Greg, I'm sorry but I..." Wilson's sentence was stopped by House's lips on his silencing him in a kiss.

House kept kissing hard at first and then it softened. He knew Wilson had cheated but to what extent he didn't know. "All I need to know is if you need to get an STD test, and that's all I want to know." He said when he finally pulled back.

Wilson put his hand on the side of House's face that wasn't on the pillow and stroked his cheekbone with his thumb. "No, it was nothing like that. What happened was..."

House put his hand over James's mouth. "Please, if you love me, don't do this. I don't want to know. I know this is my fault for being so screwed up and I forgive you, okay?" He said sliding his hand from his mouth.

"It isn't your fault that I..." Wilson stopped as he looked at the fear in Greg's eyes.

"Please don't," House said swallowing hard and then closed his eyes as he didn't think he could handle watching James when he told him.

Wilson sighed, "You're all about the truth. You're the one that said you didn't want lies between us."

House opened his eyes as his heart beat with hope that maybe James wouldn't tell him. "It's not a lie, I know you shared something with another person while we were together. There isn't any reason for me to know specifics, it's not going to make me feel any better or you. We both knew that this would probably happen, it's not a big surprise." He said as he tried pushing the pain aside.

"I'll agree not to tell you any more about it, but I want you to know I've never felt so bad about cheating in my life. I'm so sorry for what I did." Wilson said as he felt relieved that Greg understood something had happened and didn't seem angry, it still hurt him that he'd hurt Greg, but at least he could look the man in the eyes again.

"So, we done with that then? Because if I remember we were in the beginning of what had the potential of being a very fun night." House said as he felt a even bigger push to be more physical with James, since he wanted him to stay faithful. He kissed James while sliding his hand up the mans shirt.

Wilson wasn't sure if they should do anything or not but he felt those hot lips against his with the whiskers scratching in a alluring way decided to go with it as his felt his body warm up. "Mmm," he moaned as his felt House's hand glide over his sensitive skin. Greg moved the kissing to his neck as his hands teased Wilson's nipples. Wilson could feel himself hardening as let his hand slide up House's stomach feeling the distinctive bump of his ribcage.

House's heart was pounding in his chest as James touched him, he wasn't use to being touched without pain and he pulled away slowly taking off his shirt as he looked in James's dilated eyes. "When I'm done with you tonight you aren't going to even remember her name." House said with a smile hoping to cover up his nervousness about the situation.

Wilson thought about correcting him for a moment but that thought vanished as he felt Greg's mouth on his stomach and looked under the covers to see Greg pulling his shirt up as he kissing his way up his torso. "Oh shit," he whispered as the sight was making certain parts of him press against Greg as his body slid up Wilson's.

House looked up hesitantly as he kissed on James's chest but once he saw James's dark brown eyes he felt himself relax. He took his time licking and sucking the soft skin and couldn't help but wonder if James could feel the scars that littered his body with his tongue, but pushed it from his mind. He needed to push though this for James and himself if this relationship was ever going to work. House pulled off James's shirt and let his body cover James's. "I love you."

Wilson put his arms around Greg's slim waist and kissed his neck, "I love you too." He let his hands go up feeling the scars beneath his fingers as they crossed Greg's back, he hesitated as he felt the magnitude of the scars and sharpness of the bones but then continued up to Greg's shoulders pulling him closer in a passionate kiss. He bent his knees and pushed his pelvis up some trying to get more friction against his pulsing cock.

House was a little surprised by his movements but slid his hand down James's pajama pants to help with the problem.

James moaned as he felt a sweaty palm and finger grip his penis and start working it up and down. He widened his legs and pulled at his pants taking them off completely to give Greg all the room he needed to do a good job. His head was spinning some from the heat of their bodies under the cover and his rise in his blood pressure. "Greg, that's it," He panted as he felt his body thrust with want and suddenly he needed to be on top. He grabbed Greg's shoulder and pushed it while twisting his body, "I need you."

House's eyes widened at the sudden change, he could feel the weight of the body above him it felt too familuar, his throat locked up as he started to feel a panic in his chest. Soon impatient hands were digging harshly into his hips and at his ass as his breaths had turned into nothing more that desperate gasps. When he felt the pants being taken off of him his hands pushed hard against the chest of the man who was on top of him and he scuttled to the edge of the bed watching the dark figure at the other end of the bed closely.

Wilson grunted as the air was quickly pushed out of his lungs by the force of Greg's hands pushing him away he almost fell off the bed and when he looked up he saw Greg's tall lean frame sitting on the edge of the bed. "Greg? What was that about? Did I bump your leg?"

House's body shook with shock and relief as he heard James's voice, it had just been a flashback he told himself as he tried to calm his heart rate. "I got hot, that's all, felt like I was sufficating." He said not daring to tell James who he'd actually thought he was for a minute or two. "It'd dark enough without the covers don't you think?"

Wilson heard something in Greg's voice that made him question if he was being told the truth, a panic that had been in it and he could swear there was a slight tremble too. He crawled over to him and put a hand on the man's arm and it felt cold, "That's not why you pushed me, you're freezing, your breaths are shallow, your shaking, all signs of the fight or flight response mechanism." He said backed away giving House some space.

House's head bowed in shame, "I'm sorry, but I'm fine now, can't we forget about this."

Wilson frowned, "You need to tell me what happened. I need to know what I did that scared you and I need to know why it scared you. Talk to me Greg."

House laid down pulling the covers over him self as he faced James's side of the bed, James followed suit laying parallel to House with them facing each other. House held James warm hand in his cold clammy one. "Just go slower, okay." He said as he slipped off his pants underneath the covers with only his free hand and then moved James hand he was holding to his hips.

"Did you just take off your pants? You don't really expect us to continue after what just happened, right?" Wilson said as he moved back some.

"Why not?" House asked as he moved closer to James.

Wilson couldn't believe this, "Why not?! You just freaked out! That isn't normal, normal people don't have sex after someone has a stress enduced panic attack because they're suffering from PTSD from being sexual assaulted."

House felt cut and hurt by James's words sitting up and looking down over him. "If you want normal then what the hell are you doing with me! I've never been normal and you know that, I wasn't normal when I was a kid or a teenager or a adolescence and I'm sure as fuck am not normal now! Normal people can walk, normal people haven't been raped by more people then they've had consensual sex with, normal people aren't assholes, normal people aren't..."

Wilson leaned up and kissed Greg's trembling lips and could taste some tears on them so he pulled the man to him as he kissed him harder when he had to breath he pulled back. "I'm so sorry Greg. I didn't mean to hurt you, I know you're not normal and that's what makes you so wonderful. I wasn't thinking when I said that."

House swallowed, "I've been raped James, so we're probably going to have a good amount of awkward things happen in the bedroom before we work it all out, but that doesn't mean we just stop and give up. It means we learn and move past them. Now can we stop talking about this and start working on moving past it." He said letting his hand rest on James's hip.

Wilson put his hand on Greg's hip, "Would you feel better on top?" he asked.

"No, my leg can't take it," House said hoping that his honesty would pay off and that James wouldn't nag him about it.

"Okay," Wilson said, he wanted to ask how bad the leg was hurting and if he needed a break but he knew it would only upset Greg. He pressed Greg's hip to the matress and straddled the man. He felt his half hard cock twitch as it slid next to Greg's completely hard cock.

House pulled on James's neck and when he leaned down House's hot mouth was on his kissing him softly as James rocked his pelvis so their dicks rubbed against one another. "Wait," House panted as his hand opened his night stand.

"You okay," Wilson asked and then heard something snap.

"Yeah, just need some lube," House said and put a couple of drops in one hand and then used that hand to grab both of their cocks at the same time and work them. James leaned back and looked down but in the darkness he could barely see the hand moving so he put his hand on it and gasped as he felt their hard cocks throbbing in his hand which House took hold of in his bigger hand and worked up and down their shafts.

"Oh fuuckkk," Wilson moaned as he thrust into their joined hands.

House felt every muscle in his body tighten along with his grip on their cock, and he gritted his teeth as he could feel himself about to lose control. "James," he whispered and then his hand let go to grip the covers.

"That's it, let go Greg. I... love.. oh... Oh... MMM..." James panted and then felt himself cum.

House's eyes watered with the overwhelming feeling of intimacy and joy as he cam but as soon as the last shot was fired it was replaced. The happy warm feeling was replaced with that of cold disgust and a deep sense of shame along with nausea. It wasn't something new to him, it's the way he usually felt after ejaculating with someone, he'd felt it the Sunday with James too, but he'd been spared it there first time together. He swallowed as the nausea worsened.

Wilson took heavy breaths with a smile as he still was in bliss over the incredible orgasm. "I'm glad you talked me into not giving up on this tonight. Sharing our bodies with each other...and hearing you whisper my name..." he smiled even bigger, "I don't know if I've ever came that hard before."

House was trying not to vomit at the moment which was surprisingly hard. "I'm glad it was good, but I need to go to the restroom."

"Don't worry," Wilson said bouncing off the bed, "I'll get you a rag."

"No, it isn't just that, I have to go to the bathroom," House said as he moved to the end of the bed and got in the wheelchair.

"Is everything okay?" Wilson asked with worry.

House swallowed as he felt a cold sweat on him, "Yeah, can you wash up in the kitchen since I'm undressed."

"Oh yeah, sure," Wilson said although he felt hugely disappointed that after what they shared tonight Greg still wasn't okay with him seeing his body.

House didn't really even wait to hear the answer and rolled into the bathroom and locked the door. As soon as he was in he grabbed an old towel and lowered his head into the toilet with the towel draped over both it and the toilet and vomited. The last thing he wanted was for Wilson to hear it and think more of it than there was. When he was done he cleaned himself up and turned off the light then rolled back into the bed room and put on his pajamas as he got back in bed. He could feel Wilson in the bed even though the room was silent. "James?"

Wilson looked over toward him as he heard his name feeling both hopeful and a little discouraged, "Yeah?"

House swallowed, "I wanted to let you know it will get better with time, it took Stacy and me and while to figure it out but it happened and it will for us too. I love you."

Wilson smiled, "Thank you Greg, and I love you too." He said as he turned toward House and wrapped and arm around him.

House felt comforted and even though there was a part of him that kept saying he didn't deserve that comfort he embraced it.


	22. Chapter 22: Breakfast and Broken Vases

Wilson woke up and was happy to find that Greg was in the bed beside him instead of sitting on the couch predicting their end. "Good Morning," he said noticing that he was already dressed.

"Morning," House said marking the article he was reading in the medical journal then putting it on his end table and rolling to face James. "You sleep well?"

"Yeah, I did. I had this amazing dream of you rescuing me from this blonde meat-head and then having a hot make out session that ended with us both climaxing together." Wilson said with a smug smile.

"Really? Hm... those must have been some good drinks you had last night, I've got to get the name of that bar." House joked as he pretended he didn't know what James was talking about.

Wilson smile, "You are such a liar," he said and tickled Greg's sides.

"Agh," House grunted after a couple of laughs jerking back from James.

Wilson stopped smiling, "You okay?"

"Yeah," House said back.

"What's wrong with your side?" Wilson asked.

"What's for breakfast is a better question, I'm starving," House said as he sat up on the side of the bed, "quite literally starving," he said as he looked at himself and then got in the wheelchair.

Wilson didn't want to let this go, but it was more imperative that Greg eat at the moment. "Yes you are, did you eat dinner last night?"

"No, we were trying to decide what we should get for delivery when you got in. Now make me breakfast slave boy!" House commanded as he rolled close to James and gave him a good slap on the ass cheek.

Wilson jumped at the slap looking back at House, "You should have said something, we could have ordered something or I could have made you something. You've got to eat Gregory."

House grimaced, "Don't, Greg is good but Gregory... only my mom, grandmother and teachers called me Gregory," he said as he followed James into the kitchen.

"Eggs and ham with toast sound good?" Wilson said already getting everything out.

"Sound great my domestic little flower," House said as he ran his hand slowly up James's pajama covered buttock and gave it a good squeeze.

Wilson couldn't help but laugh and swatted House's hand away, "No means no," he said with a cheeky smile as he looked back at Greg.

"Oh, believe me, I know," House said with a slightly downcast smile and then he rolled over to sit at the table.

Wilson had only been joking and he could tell Greg understood that but that it had also brought up stuff. "I was thinking we could talk tonight when I get off work."

House swallowed, "Talk about what?"

"Different things," Wilson said looking at Greg and then started cooking, "I was hoping we could talk about your family and maybe about some of the things that happened to you. We also still need to talk about this living together more." He looked back to see Greg looking nervous. "Don't look at me like that, you know we need to talk but I promise as long as you're trying I'm not going to push you."

"We'll see how long that lasts," House mumbled as he look at the table.

Wilson scoffed, "Go on Greg, don't hold back. Throw it in my face."

"Throw what in your face?" House asked irritated.

"Me cheating on you. I've done this a lot so I know how it work, you say you can forget it but then every time after that when I promise to do something you throw it back at me." Wilson said with some hostility as he looked at the food then back at Greg to see he looked like he'd just been slapped.

"I'd actually forgotten about that," House said as he looked away from Wilson's eyes. "Could you not bring that up again, please, it ruins my appetite."

Wilson could see the hurt in Greg's eyes before he'd looked away and it made him tear up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." He said and walked over to him putting a kiss on his forehead.

"I'm not like your ex's James, when I say I don't want to know or that I forgive you for something I mean it." House said meeting his eyes.

Wilson nodded, "I know Greg, I'm sorry."

House nodded back and looked at the frying pan that Wilson left unattended, "Don't over cook the eggs it ruins them."

"Shit," Wilson said a sprinted back over to the stove looking at them. "Looks like their fine at the moment." It was silent for a few minutes and then Wilson smiled, "My mom use to make the best eggs, and she'd always make them in the heavy cast iron skillet, but I never could they always stuck when I did them in anything but Teflon. It's like mothers have these super powers that you just can't replicate at times. Your mother make eggs that way?"

House smiled a little, he rarely heard James talk about his childhood but when he did he always seemed happy which he was grateful for. "Yeah, actually she did."

"Weren't they the best?" Wilson said looking over at Greg and then realizing he just stuck his foot in his mouth as he made no attempt to answer the question. "I'm sorry, I forgot." He said looking back at the food.

"Don't be, considering how bad Stacy was at cooking you'll probably make the best eggs I've ever had." House said truthfully.

Wilson fixed their plates and put them on the table, "What do you want to drink?"

"I'll have some coffee," House responded and looked at the plate in front of him. As much as he wanted to dig in he waited for James to join him. "Thanks, you didn't have to do this, the slave boy thing was just a joke."

Wilson smiled as he looked at Greg, "I know, I wanted to. What do you think?"

House took a couple of bites, "Excellent, makes me wish you were staying home and making me lunch."

"One of us has to work," Wilson joked.

"That's fine, you can stay home and I'll go in," House said with a smile.

Wilson shook his head, "Nope, your off for the week and that's an order from the doctor." They were both almost done with breakfast when Wilson noticed Greg was watching him. "What is it?"

"I was thinking about changing doctors," House said seriously.

Wilson laughed some and then noticed that Greg didn't join him. "What?! You don't want me to be your primary anymore? Why, don't you trust me?"

House licked his lips, "Of course I do, but were dating. You mentioned before we started dating that it was hard filling all the roles that a person needs by yourself."

"I should have known Cuddy would come running to you," Wilson said looking back at his food.

House raised an eyebrow as he watched James, "Cuddy didn't come to me with anything, but now you've got me curious."

Wilson swallowed, "She didn't?"

"No, she didn't." House answered seriously, "What happened?"

Wilson sighed, "Yesterday morning I was a little pissy when I got into work and Cuddy started in asking me questions about you the moment I got through the door. Anyway I kind of had a small melt down in her office where I might have went on a rant about how I can't be everyone in your life, but I didn't mean it. I was just frustrated at the moment."

"And that doesn't make you think that maybe I should have a different doctor?" House asked flatly.

Wilson shrugged, "I don't know, we'll talk about tonight when I get back, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," House said as he watched Wilson put the dishes up and go into the bathroom to get ready.

111111111

It was 10:45 am when Cuddy knock on Wilson's door. "Come in," he said as he put down the file he'd been going over. "Hello Cuddy, can I do something for you?"

Cuddy shook her head, "No, not really. I just wanted to see how you were doing, that guy last night seemed kind of nuts."

He laughed a little, "Yeah he was, but after Greg got rid of him, he didn't come back."

"I'm glad to hear that. I never knew House had a gun, did you?" She asked showing some concern.

Wilson sighed, "No, not until yesterday. If he'd told me before then I probably would have told him I wanted them out, but what would have happened if he hadn't had one yesterday. I never thought I'd want a gun in the place that I lived but now... he'd suppose to teach me to shoot."

"Wow, you're going to get him to teach you how to shoot? Does he really know that much about guns, I mean it isn't like he's a trained professional, you know." Cuddy said watching him closely.

He now saw what she was hinting around for, "Or maybe at one point in his life he was and maybe you know that as well as I do."

She blinked at him with worry, "So, he really was in the military?"

"Yes, the Marines actually. It doesn't change who he is though," Wilson said directly.

Cuddy wasn't so sure she believed that, "Of course not," she said. "I was going to pick up some lunch to take to him. I was wondering if you might have some suggestions?"

"He loves dim sum," He suggested.

"Great, I'll pick some up for us for lunch, any favorites I should get for him?" She asked.

"The buns with the pork barbeque in them." Wilson said with a smile.

Cuddy smiled, "Why am I not surprised? Thanks for the help James."

"You're welcome Lisa," He said and she was gone.

111111111111

House had just managed to get upright with the crutches when he heard a knock on the door. "Who is it?" he yelled, knowing if it was Wilson he'd better answer the door in the wheelchair or he'd be risking getting a lecture.

"It's me," Cuddy said at the door.

"Okay give a minute or two," he said as he slowly took each step focusing on balancing his weight and then opened the door.

She first looked down expecting him to be in the wheelchair and then looked up at him with a smile. "You shouldn't be doing this by yourself."

"You're smiling," House said with a smile of his own.

"It doesn't mean that what I said wasn't true," Cuddy said walking in past him. "I got us some dim sum." She said and sat down the bag on the table.

"So is this our thing now? You're just going to do what he use to do? You're already buying my lunches, next thing I know you'll be in his office and we'll be plotting against him instead of you?" He asked as he took a step forward and focused on his next step.

She blushed some, "No, just lunch and you know you can call me if you need too. I'd like to do things with you every now and then, but I don't want to drink beer while you watch wrestling, or sports, or porn. Maybe we can get dinner sometimes or something. I don't have a lot of male friends."

House nodded awkwardly as he looked longingly at the chair which was still a good four feet from him while he was already sweating. "Oh come on, porn can be fun." He said taking another step and then swaying some.

Cuddy ran over to him trying to steady him and worrying as she saw how much he was sweating and how heavy he was breathing. "I don't think watching porn would be acceptable seeing as we've been intimate together," she explained.

He looked at her with surprise, "You think it's more acceptable to watch porn with someone you haven't slept with? Let go, it's only one more step, I can make it."

She let go and watched him make the last step and all but fell in the chair with his eyes closed. "I don't watch porn with anyone actually. How many pills have you had today?"

"One," House said as he swallowed hard and opened his eyes, "but don't worry I plan on taking more, much more." He said as he fished the bottle out of his pant's pocket and opened it, dry swallowing two.

"Here I got you two orders of the pork buns, one pork dumpling and an order of shrimp rolls," Cuddy said as she took the food out of the bag and put a pair of chopsticks in front of him along with hers. "Did you show him the lists you made last night?"

"No," he said, he thought about telling her about what happened last night but decided against it. "So, you might as well get it out of the way." He said giving her a knowing look as he started eating.

She nodded, "How long were you in the Marines?"

House looked disappointed as he looked away from her, "You have a chat with Wilson?"

"Yes, he said you were going to teach him how to shoot. You think that's a good idea?" Cuddy asked watching him.

He stuffed half a bun in his mouth and chewed a couple of times before answering with a mouth full of food. "Do I think it's a good idea to teach him how to protect himself? Yes. Guns don't kill people, people kill people."

"And you've killed people," She said, her eyes glued on his.

House swallowed the bite and looked at the table, "Yes, many."

"How many is many, and you still didn't say how long you were in?" Cuddy asked.

"229 people and I was in for 8 years." He said looking at her with regret in his eyes.

She shook her head, "Eight years, how is that possible?"

"My father enlisted me at the age of sixteen, I already had a masters degree by then. If I hadn't been forced into the Marines I'd have been a doctor before you ever started College. Hope you asked all you wanted to ask because there isn't much more I'm willing to say about it." House said honestly as he started eating some.

Cuddy noticed a shaking in his hand and decided that was her cue to change subjects. They ate in silence some, before she said something, "You don't seem so melancholic today, did the talking yesterday help?"

He shrugged, "I'm not sure, I still freaked out some with James." He said looking at the food.

"You can tell me what happened, maybe we can figure something out to help," She said slowly hoping he'd think about it.

"I had a panic attack last night when I was in the bed with him," House said and risked glancing at her to find her looking caring and interesting instead of pity like he'd expected. "Also after I.." he looked away, "reached a good end, I felt sick to my stomach and ended up vomiting. It isn't something new, I almost always vomit after climax."

Cuddy was surprised how open he was being, "You mean with Wilson or when you were with women too?"

"Both, statistically I would say anywhere from 75 to 80 percent, and even if I don't end up puking I feel sick." He said watching her and then leaning toward her some, "James doesn't know and I don't want him to know anything about this."

"I don't really think you've thought this out. You NEED to put on weight and purging your stomach every time you two are intimate isn't going to help, not to mention when he does find out how do you think he's going to feel? This is something he NEEDS to know," She said adamantly.

House narrowed his eyes on her, "You plan on telling him?"

"No," Cuddy said with a sigh, "but I think you should. This could effect your health and your recovery, I think he deserves to know if something he is doing is holding you back, and more than that I think he would want to know."

"What about what I want, that doesn't matter?" He asked searching her eyes. "I don't think you're really thinking this through. How would you react to someone telling you that threw-up after being with you?"

"Did you?" She asked with a frown.

House swallowed as he looked in her eyes, "Yes," he said flatly, "I puked in the bushes outside your dorm."

Cuddy unconsciously moved back from him as a moment in her life that she had thought was beautiful had turned into something else. "It's not an easy thing to hear."

"No, it isn't, and it's one thing to hear it after twenty years have passed when you're no long in a romantic relationship with the person but to hear if from someone you made love to yesterday." He looked down shaking head some. "It almost destroyed Stacy and me when she found out. She took it personally, and I can't blame her, who wouldn't. I know that if it keeps happening he'll eventually find out, which is why I'm looking for a solution," he said his eyes looking up to meet hers.

She tilted her head, "To figure out a solution we'd have to know how you developed the problem, which means you would need to talk detailed about your sexual encounters, are you ready for that?"

House chewed on his lips some as he thought about it, "There have been a lot of encounters, I'd rather not go through each one, can't you just ask me some questions?"

Cuddy could tell this was hard on him and decided giving it a try, "Okay, can you explain more about how you feel emotionally after you ejaculate?" She said trying not to blush.

"At least I know you aren't going to be afraid to ask the hard questions," He said as he sat up straight in his chair. "It might take me a moment to answer that."

She nodded, "I would be surprised it if didn't."

House thought about it some is eyebrows and lips moving some as he thought. "I feel guilty and inadequate which in causes me to feel ashamed and from that comes self disgust and hatred."

Cuddy hadn't expected such direct answers, "Oh, is that everything?"

He licked his lips as ducked his head some, "I feel humiliated."

"Why? Has anyone ever joked or teased you about climaxing?" She asked.

House stared at the table.

"_You fucking fagot, you like it don't you? You're disgusting you pervert. Look how hard you are with my dick in your ass. Shut up! Jesus... you just came you sick bastard." Said a rough deep voice._

"_That's it, you can try to fight it but we both know how much you like it. I'm hitting the right spot, I can always tell because you try to fight it. Oh yeah, I can feel your dick getting ready. Hahaha, there you go. Look at it, watch your dick cum from me you fucking fagot." Same deep voice._

"_Don't worry, I'll make this as good as I can for you. Maybe if I give you a little hand job it wont be so bad. You like that? Jesus your making me feel so good, am I making you feel good. Wow... I guess that answers my question. It's okay, don't cry, it's okay I'm going to do the same thing inside you." A soft tenor voice said._

"_What's that on the carpet? Oh my god, did you? It had to be you! You came?! Don't look away from me! Are those tears in your eyes Dr. House? Lick it up off the carpet you sexual deviant!" Tritter said with a smirk._

Cuddy watched as House seemed to withdrawal inside himself and his muscles started to spasm in his arms making them jerk. "House?" She said watching as his face as it contorted into a horrid expression. "House!" She yelled grabbing his arms and feeling the muscle contract and relax under the skin. "GREG!"

House took a deep breath looking at her hands, "Get off of me," he said feeling weak as his face paled.

She let go and sat back down, "What were you remembering or seeing?"

House's eyes met hers in a pleading fashion, "Leave it alone."

"Okay, I can leave it alone but until you talk about whatever you were remembering there and we get to the bottom of why you keeping getting sick, it'll continue to happen." Cuddy said with worry but understanding.

He knew she was right but he still wasn't sure if he could talk about this. This was beyond private this was intimate.

She could see the struggle in his face as he thought about what she'd said. "Every man does it, there isn't anything to be ashamed of."

House looked up at her like she was nuts, "What?"

Cuddy gave him a gentle smile, "You know, premature ejaculation. Sometimes, especially if it's been a while for a man, when you have sex you get over stimulated early on and your body just releases before you planned. It's okay, there isn't a right or wrong time to climax, no matter what a woman says or anyone else. It's your body responding the way it responds, it's natural."

He narrowed his eyes on her, "Really? You think I'd freak out over some woman giving me shit about cumming quickly?"

"Then what happened? Why else would someone tease a man for cumming?" She asked honestly confused. She could see his neck and ears redden with embarrassment as he looked away. Something suddenly popped in her head. House didn't jump into things he wasn't sure about, so how did he know that he would enjoy being with Wilson sexually if he'd never enjoyed it before, unless he had. But he said Wilson was his first male relationships which would mean... She swallowed as she was pretty sure she had an idea of why he'd feel so ashamed and disgusted by a natural act. If she was right, she was going to have to handle this delicately. "Greg your body, it reacts to things even when we don't want it too. Your body doesn't stop being stimulated because someone you don't love is causing the stimulation. It's not unheard of for a victim to experience an orgasm at the hands of their attackers."

House looked at her with red moist eyes, "I didn't like it!" he barked.

Cuddy had a feeling she'd hit home and hated how the men that had raped him had ruined what should be a truly amazing experience of love for him. "I didn't say you liked it, I'm just saying that it's okay if your body responded naturally to be stimulated even if it was against your will."

"SHUT UP! Just shut up! You don't know what the fuck your talking about!" He said looking at her with disgust. "You should go."

Every muscle in his body was stressed and he was refusing to look her in the eye, he wasn't ready for this conversation and pushing it wouldn't help. "You're right, I have no idea how you feel or what you might have gone through but I know it isn't your fault for what they did to you and when you're ready to talk about it, I'll be here for you." She said getting up.

House closed his eyes as he refused to let his emotions show and waited until he heard the door close at which time he grabbed a vase that Stacy had left that was on his table and threw it hard against the door feeling slightly better as he heard it shatter.

Cuddy stood outside stunned as she'd heard an object hit the opposite side of the door with a huge amount of force and then break. She wanted to go back in and see if he was okay but she checked the time on her phone to find out she was already going to be a little late getting back as it was. The best thing she could do was read back through her notes in her psychology classes and try her best to help him work thought his issues.

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Wilson walked in to find broken glass in front of the door and empty food contains scattered on the dinning table. He felt himself getting irritated and looked around to find House sitting on the couch playing a video game. He scoffed as he walked over to the side of the couch House was sitting on. "Did you know there is broken glass in front of the door?"

"Yes," House said still playing the game.

"How did it get there?" Wilson asked with growing frustration.

"I broke a vase," House replied simply as he continued to play the game.

Wilson took a deep breath to help give him patience, "Why did you break the vase?"

"Because I felt like breaking something," House said bluntly as he still refused to look at him.

"Well then you can clean it up, I'm not going to be treated like a maid because you find it amusing." Wilson said matter of factly. "Greg, are you hearing me?" He asked as Greg kept playing and finally he'd had enough and grabbed the controller from him, but Greg still didn't look at him. "Dammit House, look at me when I'm talking to you!" He said rather loudly finally loosing his cool.

"How exactly do you expect me to clean it up?" House said with a edge in his voice while looking down with his jaw tight.

Wilson thought about that for a moment and sighed heavily, "Well them maybe you shouldn't go around breaking thing for someone else to clean up."

"I do remember asking you to clean shit up," House retorted looking a the TV.

"Who else is going to do it then? You can't so I have too, unless we just leave it until one of us slips and falls and ends up with shards of glass embedded in our skin. What the hell made you want to break the vase in the first place?" Wilson asked with some hostility.

House smirked some, "You know it isn't getting cleaned up any faster with you yelling at me, since you're so worried for our safety and all."

Wilson felt his anger reach a point beyond words and stomped off putting the controller up high on a bookcase where House couldn't reach and then he turned off the TV and swept up the mess. He was still pissed beyond words and cleaned off the table too, then went into the bedroom and took off his tie, unbuttoned his top button and walked back into the living room looking down at House. "Is this what you want, a fight?"

"No," House said flatly.

Wilson felt a little tension go away, "Why won't you look at me?"

House looked up at him, "There, you happy now?"

Wilson was shocked to see House's eyes were bloodshot and quickly sat down beside him, "What happened?"

He knew the moment James saw how red his eyes were that he'd be asking about it. "I don't want to talk about it," House said honestly.

Wilson frowned he wanted Greg to open up to him, especially about something that had obviously upset him a good deal but he'd promised he wouldn't push him. "You okay?"

"I'm working through it," House said hoping James would actually leave it alone.

"Good," Wilson said, "you feel like letting me hold you some?"

"Can I play my game while you hold me?" House asked with a slight smile.

"I'm pretty sure that could be arranged," Wilson said as he got up and turned on the TV and then handed Greg the controller and sat down at the other end of the couch. Greg scooted over to Wilson who had his back to the armrest and laid back against him with his head turned towards the TV. Wilson could see the cut on the back of his head from the fall and sighed as put his lips against it and wrapped his arms around the stick of a man that was Gregory House.


	23. Chapter 23: Running from the Truth

Wilson stretched expecting Greg to move some but the lean sharp boned man seemed content where he was. "Hey, mind if I get up? I need to go to the bathroom."

House scooted back to his own side of the couch, "Does this mean we're about to start 'talking'," he asked with some disappointment.

Wilson smiled, "Yes," he answered and went to the bathroom, when he returned Greg had his game turned off and was waiting for him. "We should probably order some food first so we don't forget before all the good places stop delivering." He said sitting down.

House looked at his phone, "It's only six thirty, the good places deliver till at least nine-thirty. You really plan on talking for three hours?"

"There's a lot we need to talk about," Wilson explained.

"Where do you want to start?" House asked giving him a serious expression.

"I thought we'd start by getting some food ordered," Wilson said rubbing House's back in a reassuring way.

"I'm not hungry yet. I thought you wanted to talk," House said with some anxiety.

"I do," Wilson confirmed.

House looked James straight in the eyes, "Then quit stalling, just say what you need to say and ask what you plan on asking."

"Fine," Wilson with a sigh, "I want you to talk to me about your family and..." He didn't feel right saying the word rape. "Listen if we're going to be dating I need to know what they did so I can be aware of what might trigger you to have a flashback or panic attack."

"IF we're going to date." House stated looking at James, "Glad to know there isn't any pressure. So what happens when I tell you something you don't want to hear like me being a Marine, you just going to leave again?"

Wilson sighed with slight frustration, "No, I told you I wouldn't leave you for telling me the truth and I meant it."

House grabbed a notebook from the coffee table and opened it up, "Here," he said handing it to James.

"What is this?" Wilson said taking it and then raising an eyebrow as he read a list.

"There are four lists there – things I'm comfortable with, things I would like to try, things I'm not ready for yet and last are things and action I never want in our bedroom." House explained. "You said the reason you wanted to know what they did is so you could have a better understanding what might trigger me, this list tells you that."

Wilson shook his head, "You made a list in hopes of getting out of talking with me?" He asked looking hurt and disappointed.

House narrowed his eyes on James, "No, I made a list yesterday because I didn't want you getting mad at me like you did Monday night, when you decided to try something I wasn't ready for."

"You plan on explaining any of this to me?" Wilson asked looking at Greg.

"No, it's better you don't know," House said licking his lips nervously. "Could you get us some drinks?"

"I'm not going to judge you for what was done to you," Wilson said honestly.

"Maybe not, but I don't want you imagining the things they did to me either. I don't want you seeing me that way, now can you get me a drink or do I need to get it myself?" House said looking toward the kitchen.

"Greg, nothing they did to you could ever change how I feel or see you. You don't ha..." Wilson stopped as House sudden interrupted.

"Are you some sort of pervert?! You going to jerk off to me telling you what they did to me?" House asked bluntly with sharp features.

"No," Wilson answered taken back by the idea.

House sighed, "Then let it go. You have what you need to know, why isn't that enough for you?" He said as he stood up some and got in the wheelchair.

"What are you doing?" Wilson asked watching Greg.

"I'm getting a drink," House said as he rolled past James into the kitchen and pulled out the same bottle he'd been drinking on the previous day with Cuddy. He brought it with two glasses out into the living room and poured himself a good amount then looked to James, "You want one?"

Wilson scoffed, "No," he said watching as Greg put the lid back on the bottle and closed his eyes as he drank most of the glass. "You can do this without alcohol too."

House finished his drink and eyed James, "I never said I couldn't, I said I wanted a drink, not that I NEEDED one."

Wilson's lip twitched as he looked at the bottle and then he looked at Greg sitting in the wheelchair his bloodshot eyes on him. "Your list isn't what I'd had in mind, but you're right, it does suit the purpose. The reason I'd wanted you to tell me isn't because I wanted to hear how they hurt you, it was because I want you to know you can tell me anything." He said honestly, "When you told me what Tritter had done that night in this very room and how you felt about me I felt angry, betrayed and hurt that you would feel like you couldn't tell me the truth. I don't ever want to feel that way with you again."

House stared at James, it was never his intent to make the man he loved feel that way. "James... I never wanted to make you feel any of those things."

"I know and I understand you didn't tell me because you were afraid of how I would react and considering what I did to you, maybe it was justified." Wilson said with guilt as he looked at Greg who wasn't looking at him. "Greg, I promise you that I'll never do something like that to you again, please just look at me."

House looked at Wilson, "Do us both a favor and quit making promises you can't keep," he said with disappointment.

Wilson felt a sting of guilt, "Sorry I'm not perfect, I'm human and make mistakes."

House frowned, "We all make mistakes and that's why I'm very cautious of what kind of promises I make. When I promised you last night that I wouldn't let anything happen to you, I meant it. I would do anything in my power to keep you safe. I know you think I don't trust you but I trust you more than I trust most people, even though I know I need to work on my trust issues more."

Wilson put his hand on Greg's, "I'm glad that you do trust me a lot and that you realize that you do need to work on your trust issues. I know talking about the rapes has to be hard and I'm trying not to push, really I am, but at some point I need to know you can talk to me about it. I get you aren't ready for that tonight and I'm going to respect that, but Greg at some point you're either going to have to start opening up to me, or I'm afraid this isn't going to work."

House paled some, "I'm trying to get better. I really am, I promise."

"Hey, it's okay right now," Wilson said with a frown as he noticed the genuine worry and paling in Greg. "I just want to be honest with you. I don't need everything at once but I need to know that at some point you can start talking to me some, a little at a time at least."

House took a deep breath with his eyes closed, "He was a sadist," he said with shame and opened his eyes.

"What?" Wilson asked.

"Tritter, he got off on my pain... both physical and emotional," House said looking sick as he poured himself another drink.

Wilson took a moment to comprehend what Greg had told him, "That's why you keep getting afraid by me wanting to hear about things that hurt you." He could see the guilt in Greg's face as he drank his whiskey. "It's okay, I can confidently promise you that I don't get any sexual pleasure from your pain. I love you and thank you for telling me that, that was good and more than enough for the moment." He said putting his hand on Greg's scruffy cheek to guide his face to look at him.

House's eyes met his with accusation, "Like I really had a choice."

Wilson's hand slipped from Greg's face, "I was being honest with you, I said you didn't have to tell me anything tonight."

"So I had till what... tomorrow, maybe a week? What's the difference between then and now?" House asked and looked away, "Doesn't matter now does it, you got what you wanted."

"No, I got what I needed," Wilson said softly.

House scoffed, "Great, so what else do you NEED?"

Wilson sighed, "Ask me any question about my childhood and family that you would like to know the answer to and I'll answer it, but those are the questions I'm going to expect you to answer for me also."

"And what if I don't want to ask you any questions?" House asked with cold features.

"You asked what I needed, I need to feel connected to you Greg. I need to feel like we can share thing and trust each other," Wilson answered.

House chewed on his lip some, Wilson had never offered up much information on how his childhood was and it had always intrigued him. "What were you like at school?"

Wilson shrugged, "I was popular I guess. I wasn't the jock of course or even the smartest kid but I got along with almost everyone. I was elected the vice president of my class. I liked school even though back then I was more focused on socializing then my homework, but I could always talk my way out of missed assignments and when I took my time to do the homework it was fairly easy. You?"

"I was always the new kid, so I never even had a chance at being in any kind of group. I was bored in my classed even though I was continuously being moved up grades. I was always being made fun of for being thin, small, smart and poor." House looked James in the eye, "We weren't poor, we actually had more money then most of the military families. John, who was a pilot, was in high demand for training and he didn't waste money by renting house's, instead he stayed in the free housing the military provided. They thought we were poor because of my clothes and because I always brought my lunch. In military school everyone wears a uniform, but they never had my sizes, so my mother made mine by hand. She was an okay seamstress but they didn't look the same. Still, school was better than home," he said reflectively and looked at Wilson. "Who was you're first crush?"

Wilson smiled, "Amy Yetta, in second grade. She was in my history class and had long blonde hair with brown eyes. I talked her into giving me a kiss behind the buses."

"I bet you did," House said with a half smile. "Mine was Mr. Jeremy Smith, he was my Biology teacher in sixth grade, I must have been eight. He looked a lot like you; warm brown eyes, soft brown hair and a good build, not too thin or fat, just right. I think he was 37. He was nice to me, he'd let me eat in his classroom so that no one would take my food or bother me and we would talk about Science. He was always concerned about why I had bruises and how underweight I was, he talked to my father about me and a week later we moved to Japan. Of course nothing happened between us, since Mr. Smith wasn't a pedophile and I hadn't yet developed mad flirting skills."

Wilson shook his head some, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure age difference still would have been a problem."

"You just couldn't understand our love," House mocked.

"I'm proud to say I don't," Wilson said with a grimaced smile.

"Did you have pets?" House asked with interest.

"Yeah, we had two dogs. Sam was a large yellow lab and we also had a mixed breed that we call Bronco, I came up with the name from that TV show. Sam had to be put down when I was a teenager and Bronco got hit by a car when I was in College. Then when my brother got older he got a snake which scared the hell out of me. I actually use to stuff a blanket under my door so that if the snake got out he couldn't get in my room." Wilson explained.

"Hmm... maybe we should get a snake," House said with a menacing smile.

"No! I will not stay in the same building as a snake, they're just creepy!" Wilson said with determination.

House smiled, "Oh I'm going to have so much fun with you."

Wilson blushed some knowing that he should have not mentioned the fear of snakes to Greg. "Aren't you suppose to be telling me about your pets.

"Steve was my only pet," House said with a smile at getting out of a question.

"Really you've never had a pet before Steve?" Wilson asked trying to keep House attention off of his fear of snakes.

House shrugged, "There was a stray dog, it really wasn't mine though. I called it Rocket, I never thought of him as a pet though, I thought of him as friend."

"That's good, you don't really ever talk about having friends," Wilson said with a smile.

"That's because I wasn't allowed to have friends, when my dad found out about Rocket he shot him in front of me," House said flatly avoiding James's eyes. "Is that enough, can we stop talking about this kind of stuff."

"Sure," Wilson said, "you hungry yet?"

"Not really," House said distantly.

Wilson put his hand on Greg's forearm, "Maybe we could get a pet."

House looked at Wilson with cold eyes, "That's your plan? Give me whatever he didn't allow me, try and give back what he took away?"

"I know how much you liked Steve and I've had pets with my wives," he said watching Greg closely. "Adults have pets too and you taking back what he took away... isn't the worst idea I've ever heard." Wilson said running his hand up and down Greg's arm.

House swallowed, "No one can give me what he took."

Wilson frowned, "Maybe not, but he isn't in control anymore. We can get a pet if we want too and there isn't anything he can do about it."

House was quiet as he watched Wilson with skepticism.

"What about a dog?" Wilson said with a smile.

"I couldn't walk a dog with the cane and pick up after it," House said.

"It's not like I wont be here to help. I can walk the dog." Wilson said giving Greg's arm a squeeze.

"And if you leave me?" House asked watching James. "Listen it's sweet in thought, but dogs take up a lot of time and we both are busy at work and if we got a pet, I'd want it to be something I could take care of in case it doesn't work out."

"What about a cat?" Wilson asked.

House seemed to think about that a lot, "My dad said that they tore up furniture."

"I've had a cat before and usually they don't but if it did we could always get it declawed," Wilson explained seeing a small glint in House's eye. "Come on, a cat would be purrrrfect."

House rolled his eyes in fake annoyance but the corner of his mouth was up in a small smile, "You're so corny. Maybe, I'll think about it."

Wilson smiled triumphantly, "Good. Now what should we get for dinner."

"Is food all you can think about?" House ask with exasperation.

"No, but you need to eat Greg," Wilson said truthfully, "I'm told that bones showing is sooo three years ago," he said running his down Greg's ribcage that was easily visible through the shirt. He jerked away some and Wilson looked at the spot with worry.

House noticed the look, it was the same look he'd gotten this morning, "Your right, there's this German restaurant called Brau Haus that delivers. You'll have to look the number up, I always forget to write it down."

"Greg..." Wilson started with a sigh about to start a lecture about what was wrong with Greg's side.

"Oh get over it James, I know your Jewish and German cuisine isn't exactly your thing but it's really good. They have this dish called Jager-schnitzel, which is a thinly pounded piece of pork that's fried and then served with a mushroom gravy, it comes with red cabbage and spaetzle." House said trying to play it cool but he could see James glance at his ribs. "Um... there's another sauce called Zigeuner-schnitzel too, it has a creamy tomato sauce, you should get that one, you'll like it." He said holding James's stare while hoping the man would just leave it alone.

Wilson stared at Greg for a long time, he could leave this alone like it seemed that House wanted, but that would make the second time doing so. "Sounds good, but after dinner you're showing me your side."

House swallowed, "What if I promise to let Cuddy look at it tomorrow?"

"Cuddy, I'm guessing that she's the person you want to be your doctor for now on? You trust her more than you do me?" Wilson asked with hurt features.

"I'm going to explain this the simplest way I know how. I don't want to date my doctor, I don't want you examining me in our bedroom or any room here. This isn't a hospital, it's where I live and this really isn't your decision." House said with an edge in his voice.

"Fine, I'll call in dinner," Wilson said getting up to get the phone book.

House could tell he wasn't pleased and fought his own temptation to give in for James's sake. He listened as James made the order and then sat back on the couch with tension in his shoulders. House rolled over to him and hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder. James looked at him with a perplex look and House slowly began to kneed the muscle, feeling the tension dissipate under his hand. "If I told you that I can't be both your patient and boyfriend, and that between the two I would rather date you, do you think you could understand?" House said softly.

Wilson smiled a little, "Using my own reasoning against me. I think you're getting this whole dating thing down."

"Well, I've always told you that I was more that just a pretty face and I would hate to not meet your expectations," House said with a tad bit of joy in his voice.

Wilson turned toward Greg, "Hey, you've never fallen below my expectations."

House's lip rolled forward for a moment in a slight short pout then it was back again, "Either you're lying or you're expectations very low. You have threatened to leave me at least four time and walked out on me once in... what has it been, six days, obviously I've fallen short in some regards."

Wilson looked away awkwardly, "I don't see how it's possible for you to fall short considering how tall you are," he said with a half smile hoping to avoid the statement with a joke, as he met Greg's serious eyes he knew it wasn't working. "This is complicated and because of that we've had some problems, but all of those weren't your fault Greg. Hell most of them weren't."

"Was last night my fault," House asked with a knowing look.

Wilson felt his face flush with shame as those penetrating eyes said too much, "No, the only things to blame for what I did last night was the alcohol and me. It didn't have anything to do with you."

House scoffed, "You afraid I'll break if your honest with me? The night before, after I had said no to your offered blow job, you said that you wanted the physical part of our relationship to progress faster and that even thought you didn't think it was right that you might cheat on me, and poof... the next night you tell me you cheated. It's pretty apparent that I had something to do with it and the lesson was very clear."

"What message?" Wilson asked with confusion.

House looked at James with honest eyes yet hurt features, "Don't say no to you."

Wilson was shocked by Greg's reasoning, "It wasn't like that."

"Wasn't it? House stated more than asked. "It's fine, now I know. I can say no, but there might be some repercussions from that decision and don't look so surprised, it's always been that way. Whenever your wives denied you something physically or emotionally you found someone else to fill those needs for you. I would know, I filled a lot of your emotional needs, which is why I always told you that you should be home with your wife... I felt guilty for enjoying being the other woman - so to speak."

Wilson had never actually put the pattern together in his head until Greg said it. It had always felt spontaneous on his part, but the more he thought about it the more he felt sick with himself. As much as he had chastised House for running away from his emotional issues, he'd been doing the same thing, the only difference was that he used other people to help him ignore the real issues.

"It's okay, your human... remember? We're all fucked up in some way," House said flatly.

Wilson looked up at him with disgust, "How long have you known I had this problem?"

House looked at him confused, "I've know since a couple of months after meeting you, like I said it was pretty obvious."

"And you didn't tell me? I've lost two marriages and you just," Wilson scanned Greg with grimace of sickness, "sat back and watched. If you had of told me maybe I wouldn't be a third time divorcee, then again maybe you didn't want me to be happy with someone else."

"I did tell you, maybe I wasn't as blunt about it, but I did tell you." House said with narrowed eyes.

"And why not be blunt with me, you've never been shy before," Wilson asked with a raised voice.

House leaned back in his chair some, "Because it wasn't my place. Also... I was afraid if I told you that you wouldn't believe me and that you wouldn't want to have anything more to do with me."

"And watching me ruin every relationship I had along the way was just icing on the cake, right? You got what you wanted, you waited until I was so miserable and lonely I'd finally give even you a shot." Wilson said with venom.

House's jaw flexed as his eyes became cold, the only indication of how deep Wilson's words had cut him was a swallow. "Yeah, sounds just like me."

Wilson's anger was only fueled by House not even trying to deny his accusations, "You really are a fucking bastard, you know that House! Misery loves company RIGHT?" He yelled then his voice became menacingly quiet. "You've never really cared about me or my happiness, you just looked out for you wanted, probably enjoying ever single fall I took. There's something wrong with you."

House refused to look away from Wilson, "You're right, so tell you what. You don't want to live with me right, then go. It would be cruel of me to keep you here when it's obvious how unhappy you are here." He said as his voice raised some. "GO! GET THE FUCK OUT!" He roared with his teeth showing.

"FINE! I WILL... but first I want you to admit it." Wilson said glaring at House as he stood up looking down at the man.

"GO FUCK YOURSELF AND GET THE HELL OUT!" House growled, his hands white from the death grip he had on the wheels of the wheelchair.

Wilson laughed a dark laugh, "Unlike you, you selfish jerk, I can get someone more than willing to FUCK ME!"

"AND A FUCK IS ALL YOU'RE INTERESTED IN, NOW LEAVE! You've been itching to do it since we started this, so go a head already. Leave me like you leave everything else." House said with a clenched jaw.

"Look me in the eyes and admit what you did and then I'll be more than happy to leave," Wilson said.

There was a knock on the door, but neither of them went for it, instead they stared at each other. The knock came again. "NO ONE'S HOME!" House yelled still refusing to let his eyes leave Wilson's.

"I'm just here with the delivery," came a voice from the other side of the door.

House felt getting the delivery was a decent excuse for distancing himself from James, who happen to be towering over him at the moment. He rolled back carefully, half expecting Wilson to attack him and half expecting Wilson to do what he did, which was nothing. House grabbed his wallet and opened the door. "How much?" he demanded.

"Um, it's 38.46, but it was already put on a credit card," the woman explained.

"Void the transaction. Here," he said handing over forty dollars.

"You sure?" She asked.

"Yes I'm sure," House all but growled. The woman quickly handed him the food and left.

"Admit it," Wilson demanded as House put the food on table.

House shook his head and turned himself so he was facing Wilson. "The only thing I have to admit is that I gave you too much credit. I told you every way I could but you didn't want to hear it; call it denial or a misunderstand, I don't care, but I told you over and over again. I'm sure as hell not going to apologize for your IGNORANCE!" He yelled and took some deep breaths.

Wilson snarled, "How could you just watch?"

House's eyes searched Wilson's, "I guess because I'm the ASSHOLE everyone's always thought me to be, right? All the warnings and jokes about how you should be working things out with you're wife must have all be just lies. And pushing you to date after you'd taking a couple of months to wallow in you sorrow, that was kind of counter productive don't you think, considering I wanted you for me. Lying to your wives when you were off with some new nurse, that doesn't make much sense either, but then again I've never really been the kind of guy to think things through, right? Next thing you'll be telling me is that it wasn't you who cheated on everyone you cared about, it was me." He said with sarcasm dripping off of every word.

Wilson's face reddened, "You sit there like you know everything, but you don't House. When I cheated on you it wasn't with a woman, it was with a man." He could see House's eyes widen in surprise and hurt. "A hotter, less fucked up man that could dance with me and talk to me. Actually maybe I should give him a call and stay at his place tonight, since I already got rid of the hotel room. It would save me money and I'm sure he wouldn't mind, might give me a chance to get to know HIM better."

"Maybe you should. What are you waiting for? I'm not going to try to stop you, it's your life, if that's what you want to do then do it." House said with daring eyes that still held a hint of pain.

"Fine," Wilson said storming out and leaving the door wide open.

"Obviously knowing hasn't changed you that much," House yelled and slammed the door. He thought about locking it, but that was stupid since they both knew Wilson had a key.


	24. Chapter 24: Ex's and Alcohol

Wilson was standing outside of House's apartment feeling embarrassed and ashamed. He'd never thought of him as the kind of person that just filled voids going from whoever was convenient at the moment. Hearing it had angered and embarrassed him, especially from the person he was always trying to help. Of course he felt guilty, he'd tried to take House down with him saying things he knew would hurt the man deeply, but the man had watched him tear his life apart. How could a friend who knew what the problem was just not do anything to stop it? Okay, maybe that wasn't completely fair, House had tried, but he'd just been to stupid to get or maybe House was right about him being in denial. He was still pissed at the man, even though he knew it wasn't House's fault that he was fucked up.

It felt so cold just a few feet outside Houses door, inside he'd felt like he was burning up but only a few minutes of being on the other side of that door and he was hugging himself. He'd forgotten his jacket inside and looked at the door wondering what House would say if he went in and got his coat, it would ruin the exit he'd made before, angrily stomping out. There was also the matter of if House would let him back in right now, both of them were still not calm from the fight. "Fuck you House, of all the times you slam the hard truth in peoples faces and observe as their world is twisted, this... THIS is the ONE time you keep quiet. FUCK YOU!" He yelled and then looked as he heard the door to the entrance of the building open up and a woman in her late thirties quickly walked past him with her two boys in hand. He realized by the panicked look and her quickness that she probably heard all of that and he must look like some crazy idiot. He sigh as he pulled out his phone making a call.

"Hey, I was wondering if it was okay if I came over?" He said listening and give a small smile.

"I got into a fight with House and I need someone to talk to... also I missed you," Wilson said truthfully.

Wilson blushed some ducking his head a little, "That's very kind of you, maybe I will stay over for the night. Thanks I'll be there shortly, I'm looking forward to it too," he said and walked outside and got in his car, happy that by some small glimmer of luck he hadn't left his keys in the apartment.

House felt what was left of his heart break as he pulled his ear from the door. Wilson had told this man that he'd cheated on him with that he was 'looking forward to it' and was going to stay the night, which probably meant that they'd end up having sex. House tried his best to shake that image from his head as he started to roll toward the coffee table to pour himself a drink. He stopped as he started to pass the bookcase and pulled out his Freud book, and brought it with him. His eyes were watered, but refused to let himself cry over this. Wilson had left, it wasn't really a surprise and neither was the fact that when he left he'd be running into someone elses arms.

House didn't need people to help him escape what was going on though, no he could do that all on his own provided he had the proper equipment. Plenty of pills – check. Good strong alcohol – check. Medical grade Marijuana – check. No one to give a damn – double check. He opened his pills first pouring the content of the bottle in his hand and stared at them. There were more than enough to do whatever he wanted them to do, he could numb himself to the world or take himself out of this world forever. He poured most of them back in taking three of them to start himself out, he wasn't so weak as to commit suicide over Wilson screwing someone else. He washed the pill down with a 4 oz pour of Makers Mark that he downed all at once, pouring another glass, and opening up his book. He lit up one of the joints as he felt the warm alcohol rush through his body.

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Wilson felt a little anxious as he stood outside the door, he'd been fine until he'd knocked on the door, ever since then he'd been second guessing this decision. Was this the place he should really be right now, what if this was a mistake. He looked back at his car trying to decided if he should try and make a run for it when the door opened and he looked back to see Julie standing there with a smile looking past him at the car.

"You reconsidering you're call?" She asked still in her gray suit pants suit with a red blouse. She felt Hector try to get past her pushed him back gently with her foot. "The choice is up to you but I'm not going to stand here with the door open all night, it's freezing and Hectors trying to get out."

"I'll come in," Wilson said and disappeared with her behind the door into the warm house. Everything looked the same as it did the day he moved out and into Houses the first time, it was both sad and comforting. He welcomed the heat as he felt the chill leave his skin some.

Julie watched as he looked around, James seemed lost somehow. "You're the doctor and you go running around in weather like this without a jacket? It's not even twenty degrees tonight."

He smiled some, "Yeah, I left my jacket at House's," he explained.

She walked into the living room, motioning for him to do the same and when he sat down on the couch she tossed a blanket on him. "I had opened a bottle of wine before you called, do you want any? It's red." She called out from the kitchen.

Wilson smiled at the sight of her in the kitchen, he still could remember the month of torture they had endured while they were having it renovated but it was worth it and she loved it. "Sure, thanks."

Julie smiled at him as she poured him a large glass of it, "So were you visiting or did you stupidly decided to move in with him again?" She asked while carrying the glasses in the living room and handing James his then sitting down on the opposite side of the couch facing him.

He took a big sip of wine, "I moved in at the end of last week to help him out. He was sick... well, still is sick I guess." He said starting to feel even more guilty when he thought about all of House's heath issues.

She smiled a little, "Karma gives what you give, and if all you give is nasty things, then that's what you get back." She saw that James looked disappointed in her and sighed, "Fine, I'll be the bigger person. Oh I'm so sorry to hear that House is sick. What is ailing him?"

"He had surgery to remove a substantial amount of tumors in his stomach. They were huge because he hadn't noticed them for a long time and when he started having problems holding down food he thought it was his ulcers, so he lost a good bit of weight." Wilson said with worry.

Julie did feel a little sympathetic that House had to have another surgery, "He didn't have much weight to loose," she said softly.

He felt a knot in his throat, "No he didn't. Most people could loose thirty-five pounds and still be in their health weight range, but he was already below weight so all there was left to loose was muscle. You should see him, he'd nothing but bone and... he can't walk anymore, for the moment he's stuck in a wheelchair."

She felt guilty about her earlier statement, "James, I'm really sorry to hear that. I didn't think it would be anything serious, especially another surgery. Is he taking the wheelchair as bad as he did last time?"

Wilson sighed, "He isn't taking it well, but as far as wheelchair goes it's a lot better than the last time."

Julie put her hand on James arm, "But there are somethings that are worse this time," she said softly. "James, what happened, what was the fight about?"

"He has this theory about me and why every relationship I try fails," he said shaking his head some as he looked at the wine.

She scoffed, "House is trying to give you relationship advice, what the hell would he know about relationships, except how to fuck them up so bad that the other person moves out of state. Seriously James, why would you even listen or care what he thinks?"

Wilson definitely wasn't going to tell her why it really mattered to him so instead he stated a fact, it was a way of avoiding the question that few people saw through that he picked up from House. "He's my friend Julie, and... I think he might be right." He said looking up at her.

Julie took a sip of her wine, "Alright, what was this theory of his?"

"He said that as soon as my needs aren't being met with a person I'm with, that instead of talking about the problem or trying to fix it, I just find someone else to fill the void. Do you think that's what I did with us?" He asked her putting his hand on hers.

She thought about it for a good while. "What do you think?"

Wilson shrugged, "I already told you that I think he's right."

Julie squeezed his hand, "His theory holds a lot of truth, but that doesn't mean every relationship that failed was your fault. I know that I wasn't there for you at time, emotionally and physically. I could see you weren't fulfilled by the relationship and instead of working on it or pushing you to talk I ignored you. I didn't do it because I didn't love you, I was just... busy with other thing, like the classes, work and my parents when they got sick. I took you for granted and didn't prioritize you like I should have. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and most of the time both people are at fault for the breaking up of it to... only in our case was it three, the third being House."

"You really do hate him, don't you?" He asked drinking on his wine.

She sighed, "No, I don't like him, but I don't hate him either. I guess I was more jealous than anything, when you were having a hard time at work it was he that you talked to not me."

"I didn't want to worry you," Wilson said giving her hand a squeeze back.

"I know," Julie said with a sad smile, "but people worry about each other in relationships and to be honest I worried more when you didn't talk about it. House always was needing you for something to which frustrated me all the time. He'd call you to pick him up from the bar or to hang out and then he'd end up getting you drunk and you'd pass out on his couch. It wasn't your fault that he ran everyone in his life away and he knew you had a family of your own at home, he just didn't care." Julie said and took a long sip of her wine.

He took a drink of his wine too. "He always told me to leave after the first hour of hanging out and he would always tell me I could just drop him off when he'd get me to give him a ride from the bar. But he would be looking so pathetic, and hardly able to walk from drinking so much that I'd help him in. Then I would be afraid to leave him...afraid that he'd drunk too much or... that he might do something stupid. He knew I had a family... and he cared even though he didn't act like it. He would bug me about cheating or spending time with him when I had a wife I should be going home to." He said looking her in the eyes, "He was right, I should have listened to him but I didn't, I knew I was all he had and the cheating was stupid, you deserved better."

She looked confused, "I didn't think he was capable of putting someone elses needs above his own; I mean every time I met him he was acted like a crude and selfish jerk. Never in a million years would I think that House would try to save our marriage, especially since he acted like he despised me, to be honest I always wondered if he might be a little gay."

Wilson almost choked on the wine he was drinking, "What?! How can someone be a little gay, especially House?" he said while coughing.

Julie looked concerned, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine it's just that what you said was such a shock. I mean House being GAY. No... gay people are nice and sweet and emotional, nothing like House." He said a little rushed because of his nerves.

She shook her head looking at him with a grin, "Come on James, you've never suspected it? You know what he told me at our wedding, he told me that I wasn't good enough for you and that he didn't see how I had manipulated you into marring me but that if I ever hurt you he'd make my life hell. I see the way he looks at you and there is more than friendship, I'm sure of that. Have you notice the way he looked sick when you would kiss me or how he would look away when we touched. I remember the first time I kissed you at the wedding and saw him staring at us with a sick look, like you were his or something and I was the other woman."

"House was probably just sick from all the alcohol, remember how much he had to drink? Cuddy ended up calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital after he passed out in the bathroom and he ended up having alcohol poisoning." Wilson said trying to get her mind off of her suspicions.

"Why do you think he drank that much James? House might be an ass, but he's not stupid, if he got alcohol poisoning then it wasn't on accident. Maybe he isn't in love with you in a sexual way, but he is in love with James, I think he always has been." Julie said seriously.

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House's eyes fluttered open and he found himself on the ground. He tried to move but all his appendages felt like jello. He could hear something that sounded far away... it was music... he knew that it was something he'd heard before but he couldn't remember the name at the moment. He rolled on his back finally and could see the wheelchair behind him. He looked down to see his right leg folded in what had to be a uncomfortable angle but he'd managed to numb himself so much he couldn't feel anything at the moment. He swallowed tasking the vodka on his lips and sighed as he remembered he'd ran out of the whiskey hours ago. He slowly sat up, aware that he could axphisate if he vomited while passed out on his back, and leaned back against the couch still sitting on the floor.

He looked on the coffee table to find his pills littered across the table and two of them on the floor just a couple of inches from his hand. "Trying to escape, or did you just get lost?" he asked as he picked them up and stared at them. "How many of you have I had?" he asked the pills as he tried to think about it and finally gave up. "Did you miss me? I missed you... and don't worry about that mean man named Wilson I don't think he's going to be coming back again. He never understood what we have. He never understood the pain... but you do, you're always here for me, aren't you?" He said and took the two pills, then looked on the coffee table and grabbed the neck of the vodka bottle and took a couple of chugs to help get the pills down and put it back. He felt tired and soon it was all dark again, but he wasn't scared this is where he felt safest.

"House this is Cuddy, I'm going to call again on your home phone, please answer." She said as concern started growing in her.

House's eye fluttered again to hear something loud and he grabbed a shoe from the floor throwing it and silencing the noise. He smiled, happy with his success, and could swear he was hearing angels whispering in ear.

"House... are you okay? House please say something?" Came the distant voice of the Angels.

"No... NO! I'm not okay. Why do you hate me!?" He yelled with frustration and his head dipped as he shook his head. "I didn't want to kill them... you know that, but... I was in war, I had my unit depending on me."

"I don't hate you, House. It's okay..." the voice sang and then faded some.

"YES YOU DO! Look at my life, I have nothing, NOTHING! All I have is pain... and pills, and alcohol, and some good pot. My family doesn't want anything to do with me and I have no real friends. So don't you say you don't hate me, you hate me... everyone does, I don't know why I expected you to be any different. Fuck you God," House said getting loud and soft in spots and then he closed his eyes, "I'm better off without you," he mumbled. He could still hear the voice some but it faded more as he welcomed the blackness that was always there for him.

Cuddy hung up the phone grabbing her car keys and running to the car. She wasn't sure what was going on with House but the conversation had scared her enough to make her decide it was time to check up on him and see how he was.

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"So, are you dating anyone yet?" Julie asked grabbing the bottle of wine from the kitchen and bringing it with her into the living room.

Wilson thought about it for a second, he wasn't sure if him and House were still together or not and he definitely had no intention on telling her about their relationship. "No, you?" He asked, watching as she divided what was left of the wine between them.

"No, works been crazy," She said with a small smile.

"What about Steven, the guy you were having the affair with?" Wilson asked surprised.

She scoffed fondly, "James it was never love, just sex. We had grown so far apart by that time I really was just wanting to hurt you like you'd hurt me and have some sex."

He frowned and scooted closer to her putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. House was wrong about you not being good enough for me, I wasn't good enough for you."

Julie smiled some, "You're so sweet and that's the reason we can still talk and be friends. My girlfriends are so envious of our relationship, the divorce wasn't bad and when it was over we didn't hate each other like most people do now day." She chuckled lightly, "I actually think it might have brought us closer together. It forced us to stop ignoring the other, and to examine how we'd treated each other."

Wilson smiled, "Yeah it did. It's weird isn't? When we were married we both seem so involved in our careers and other daily life activities that we didn't take the time to appreciate and nurture what we had. I guess the saying, 'You don't know what you got until it's gone,' is true."

Julie finished her glass of wine and nodded, "Yeah it is." She ran her fingers through his hair that had been sticking up in a weird way since he'd gotten there and blushed as he pulled back a little. "It was sticking up," she explained.

"Oh," he said now feeling slightly embarrassed about pulling back and he ran his hands through it some trying to smooth it out. "How's that?"

"Better," She said with smile. "So, are you going to be staying the night? You know there is plenty of room for you, and I'm more than happy for you too stay. It'll be kind of like reversing roles for me and House. You living at his place and running over here to visit, while I get you drunk, and you stay the night here; and he can play me, worrying about where you are."

"I wouldn't say I'm drunk," Wilson said with a half smile.

"Well, we'll just have to work on that, wont we?" Julie said standing up and going to the bar.

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Cuddy noticed quickly that Wilson's car wasn't anywhere in sight and the dread in her heart grew. She quickly got out of the car and looked both ways before running across the street and caught the door to the entrance of the building before it shut after another tenant. She stopped outside his door and knocked loudly, "HOUSE!" She didn't get a response, not even a rude response which scared her. She quickly started pounding on the door again and tried the handle, just so she could say she'd tried it, and was shocked when she found it wasn't locked. House was irresponsible, in some ways, but he didn't leave his door unlock, not even when he was expecting someone.

She opened the door all the way standing in the doorway and it was silent except for the sound of a the dial tone from a phone. She looked over to see a corded phone handset laying on the floor while the base was on a desk with a shoe by it. Slowly she walked in, still leaving the door open and hung the phone back up to hear an eery silence run through the apartment. She saw the empty wheelchair near the couch and hesitantly walked forward, after two steps she saw the pills and alcohol spread out, and quickened her pace, then ran when she noticed a tall lean slumped figure.

Cuddy was at his side instantly and tilted his head back, the chill of his skin concerned her, as did that fact that he was completely unresponsive to her moving him. She put her fingers to the bottom of his jaw and started to panic when she didn't feel anything and pressed a little more trying to calm herself, finally she got a faint pulse. Cuddy let out a relieved sigh as shook him. "Greg! Greg, wake up you fucking selfish ass bastard!" She frowned as he body moved like a rag doll and how light he still was. "Greg I know you can hear me, and I swear to God if you don't start moving I'm going to beat you until you do! Dammit House get up!"

She finally saw his arm jerk some, "Na...off... na," he mumbled as drool ran down out his lips.

"You asshole, what the hell did you think you were doing?" Cuddy yelled as she shoved his back roughly into the couch.

"Daddy, peas don... no..." House breathed as his body jerked away while his eyes were still closed.

Cuddy felt the hair on her arms stand up as well as on the back of her neck at his soft plea's and she put soothing hands on him as his body jerked. "Open your eyes Greg, come on."

"NO!" He half yelled and his eyes opened looking at a blob of fuzziness and he tried to scoot back but he was already against something then his eyes began to focus as he realized it was Cuddy. "What are you doing here?" he asked with dilated eyes and a bite in his voice.

"What am I doing here?! What the hell have you been doing here?!" She screeched as her hand indicated to the table where pill and alcohol were out along with his book that still held two joints.

House was shaking some from being cold, "It's none of your business, now get out," he demanded.

Cuddy couldn't believe he'd been stupid enough to think that would work, "Why, so you can kill yourself?"

"I'm not going to kill myself, I already made that decision. So don't worry, you won't have to worry about replacing a doctor for your precious hospital, now get out," He said with challenging eyes.

She sighed, "Greg, this isn't because I'm worried about the hospital." For the first time she got him to look at her without anger and she swallowed thinking before she spoke. "I'm here because I'm worried about you and your welfare. Greg, where's Wilson?"

House look at her for a moment and then at the floor as he seemed to remember all too well what Wilson had said when he'd left. "_When I cheated on you it wasn't with a woman, it was with a man. A hotter, less fucked up man that could actually dance with me and talk to me. Actually maybe I should give him a call and stay at his place tonight, since I already got rid of the hotel room. It would save me money and I'm sure he wouldn't mind, might give me a chance to get to know HIM better."_ He felt sick and cold as the words echoed in his head. All that he'd drank and smoked and took tonight was to forget those words... and yet, there they were still holding strong, refusing to be forgotten.

"Greg? Hey, don't go back to sleep, stay here with me," Cuddy said as she moved his face so she could see his eyes and let some of the light hit them. "Dammit Greg, alright... forget about Wilson for the moment. What I really need to know is how much of all of this did you have? I'm afraid you might have alcohol poisoning or mixed too many pill with too much booze. Take your time and really think about it."

He looked over at the table, "When I started drinking I had half a bottle of Makers Mark," he said slowly.

"Good," she said holding up the bottle, "this one was half full?" She asked and he nodded. "How about the brandy and vodka?" She asked holding the empty bottle of bandy and a vodka bottle that was more than half full."

"Full," House answered as his eyes lids grew heavier.

Cuddy shook him and his eye popped back open, "Okay the vodka was full? Right?" She asked and he nodded shaking more. "Greg what about the Brandy... huh? How much was in here before tonight?" She asked.

"I already told you," he said with labored breath, he was so tired. "Full... they were both full."

She put them both down quickly, "Greg, stay awake! One last question... how many pills... come on this is important. How many pills Greg?" She asked in a panic.

House shook his head, "Don't know...but.." his eyes started to close then he felt his face move very quickly and opened his eyes to see Cuddy had slapped him. "There were only 14 missing from the bottle before... my little party."

Cuddy grabbed the bottle to see it was a prescription for 56 pills, two pills every six hours for a week and quickly started counting what was left. It only took a minute her to figure out that she had thirty two left. She did the math and put the lid on the bottle of pills slamming it on the table in frustration. "TEN, you've taken TEN!" She yelled looking back to see that hear words were falling on deaf ears and once again she started shaking him.


	25. Chapter 25: Where's the Love?

_Dear Guest,_

_House has always tried to save Wilson from himself by telling him to not have affairs and continually telling him to go home to his wife. He always warned him to stay away from other women and told him that he had a problem, but Wilson ignored this. Yes, it's a harsh truth and I can see Wilson's side feeling hurt and sad, but he's said worst things to House over the years, and most of his didn't even carry any truth to them. As for the rest we'll just have to see where the story takes us.  
><em>

_Thanks for the review,_

_Nicole_

Wilson was on his second drink, he didn't know what all she was mixing up but it was good. "So, out of House and me, who do you think is the most screwed up?" He asked feeling good.

"Is that really a question?" Julie watched and he nodded and smiled, "That's easy. House is way more screwed up than you ever thought about being."

"Who's better looking?" He asked with a smile.

She laughed taking a drink and licking her lips, "It depends, you're the most handsome, of course. He's got that whole blue eyed thing going for him and that complex tortured soul thing that you usually only find in starving artists, except he's a doctor and really smart." She saw James pout some and she added, "but you're really smart too and adorable."

Wilson took another big swallow of the drink, "Do you think I'm too good for him?"

Julie smiled, "Yes, I've never understood why you were friends with him. He's a miserable person who is cold and mean to everyone he meets. I know that he bailed you out of jail once when you were having a hard time but you more than repaid that favor a hundred times over." She sighed, "You do everything for that man and what does he do for you?"

He thought about that, "He's always there for me, he's never walked away when I needed him."

"He doesn't do that for you, he does it for himself. He doesn't want to cut off his endless supply of free meals and free pick-ups from the bars. James, I think he loves you like family, but look around. Where is his family? They obviously don't have him over for the holidays or for anything for that matter. A man who isn't even wanted by there family should let you know that he's not a man worth having anything to do with, he probably made their life hell. Can you imagine what a horror he must have been as a child? I bet he was in-grate and had the same smart ass mouth he has now, maybe if they'd spanked him more often when he was young, the rest of the world wouldn't have to deal with such a jerk." She said and noticed he was frowning, "What? You know that is all true."

"I don't think his father was lacks on him," Wilson said seriously.

Julie rolled her eyes, "Why? Because he told you that his father wasn't? He's playing you James, he knows how sympathetic you are. All he has to do is say that his father hit him around some and that you'll excuse everything he does because you want to see the best in everyone."

"He has scares, and I'm not talking about one or two, he has them all over." He explained.

She wondered when James would have seen them and then remember that he was House's doctor. "James there is nothing but his word saying that those scars are from his parents and even if his father did beat the shit out of him, I know this sounds awful, but maybe he deserved it. He was probably that kid who killed cats and then dissected them in his room because he was sick and fascinated by it. I know you care about him but he's an evil, sick man and not in a way that anyone can fix, his just bad."

Wilson thought about that, "That's how he describes himself... he say's he's bad."

"That's because he is," Julie said. "James I know you don't have to listen to a thing I say, I'm not your wife anymore and you don't owe me anything, but... you need to cut him out of your life. He isn't good for you, he isn't good for anyone."

He shook his head, "He can't be all bad, he saves people Julie. People no one else can saves he does."

Her eyes became sympathetic, "He's good at his job and maybe he's not as bad as I think he is, but how has he made you're life any better James. How has he improved you life since you started being friends with him? You got fired, you've been divorced two more times, you're family doesn't like him, he uses you for drugs, he uses your money, and he give you nothing! Tell me one thing he gives you that you can't get from anyone else?"

Wilson was at a loss, "I'm all he has, what if I go and he... he.."

"Kills himself? Oh well, one less asshole in the world and I doubt that would happen, he thinks way to much of himself to do that. He'll find another person who will buy his crap and take care of him, all while expecting nothing from him." Julie said just as bluntly as House would have about someone else.

He shook his head, "No, I can't live with that on my conscience. I would never be able to forgive myself if he killed himself and what about his patients? He cures people that no one else can save, what do I say to them. Oh sorry, I was tired of being his friend, too bad for you. I tell them to just go off somewhere else and die."

"You aren't responsible for what he does James, it wouldn't be you're fault if he did it. He's the one that chases everyone away, not you. His miserable, lonely life isn't your fault and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. No one else has stayed or taken the time to make sure he was okay, and none of them even looked back." She said and finished her drink. "You deserve to be happy James, you're a good man."

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House woke up shaking his head as he hugged himself and looked to see he was in the bathroom.

Cuddy watched as he started to take in his surroundings. "I'm giving you a choice, either you do what I say or I'll call for an ambulance, you understand?"

He looked up noticing the cup in her hand that was empty as water dripped from his nose. "Didn't I tell you to leave?"

She rolled her eyes while filling the cup with water again and handed it to him, "Drink this," she demanded. He did and handed it back, to which she filled and handed it to him again.

This cycle continued a while and soon he started puking up a horrific smelling mixture. His pale body clinging to the toilet with all the energy he had and when he stopped his body slid down and he curled up on his side, shaking from the cold.

Cuddy grabbed him by his arm, pulling him in a sitting position. "You've got to keep drinking," she said handing him another cup and sighed as he spilled most of it because he was shaking so hard. "Dammit Greg!" She said as bend down to try and clean it up but stopped.

"I'm so... sor... sorry, please don't," House took off his shirt and she couldn't help but stare at the scars that covered him as he cleaned up the floor with his shirt. "S...se...see, it's c.. clean now. I'm sorry"

She couldn't believe how underweight he was as she could clearly see every bone in his ribcage move with each breath. "It's okay, here I'll hold it to your lips, just drink." She said.

He did as he was told drinking six cups before he pulled away grabbing the cold toilet again. He puked up something that smelled less fowl than last time and Cuddy could smell the bile, which let her know he'd puked up everything worth puking. He slid back to the ground.

"Okay, we need to get those clothes off," Cuddy said reaching for his pants when he pulled back but she already had a hold.

"No... please Colonel, not that... please don't do that." He said looking at the hand as he pulled back some.

She wasn't positive what he meant by that but she hoped it wasn't what she thought, "It's okay," she said and his body became limp as he laid there with his head turned to the right side staring at a spot on the wall. She took off his pants but he didn't budge and then his underwear to see scars from burns and cuts around and on his privates. She looked back at his face that was still staring at that spot and felt sick. "It's bath time," she said softly. His eye shut as he shook and she realized he probably wouldn't have been much help anyway. She took off his socks and pulled him over to the tub. She let him lay there as she got some warm water going and filled the tub. "Hey help me get you in," she said and he tried and she got him in. He stared at the faucet as she scrubbed him only stopping when she got to his back. There was a something carved on his lower back right above his ass, as she tilted her head blinking as she read it. 'WHORE HOLE' had been carved in him with marks underneath it, she let her finger brush the marks and felt him shutter. There were eleven, one for every person who'd raped him. Cuddy keep washing him noticing how he would grimace and close his eyes when she washed anywhere near his pelvic region.

When she was done she let the tub drain and grabbed him a towel and put it on the side of the tub while she went to find him some pajamas. She found pajama bottoms but no shirt with them and looked in the closet to see half of it was almost empty, sporting a few of Wilson's clothes, while the other side had House's clothes. She quickly picked out a soft black tee shirt that would match and noticed it had a picture of Einstein on it math problems worked out all over it. She smiled and grabbed him a pair of underwear, then went back to the bathroom. She was surprised to see House had dried himself off and was sitting on the side of the tub with the towel wrapped around his waist his eyes on her.

His vision was still a little blurry but it focused after a couple of seconds and he saw the clothes she had in her arms, then looked her in the eyes. "You saw it," he said with accusing eyes.

Cuddy could tell that playing dumb wasn't going to work with him. "Yes," she said softly and handed him the clothes that he reached for.

House put them beside him on the tubs edge, not looking away from her. "They carved that in me after they raped me, when I was fifteen as a special request." He said and slowly pulled on the underwear while keeping the towel on.

"Request? Someone told them to rape you?" She asked looking confused.

"No, I just happened to be dragged into a old abandoned building, where there just happened to be five guy wearing masks, who all just happened to decide to beat the shit out of me and then fuck me." He said sarcastically. "Can you look away while I put on my pants?"

Cuddy looked away as she thought about what he'd said, "Who dragged you in the building?"

"Someone who obviously didn't like me too much," House said as he finished getting dressed.

"Did that someone have a name?" She asked, now looking back at him.

"I would assume so, tends to be the trend with people. Help me to the toilet," He said putting his arm up to wrap around her shoulders.

"You still feel nauseous?" Cuddy asked getting under the arm and helping him to walk.

House looked over at her as he slowly stepped, "No, but I do need to pee," he said and when he reached the toilet he stopped. "Could you give me some privacy and get me my wheelchair?"

She sighed, "I could, and you could also tell me the name of the man that dragged you in that building."

His eyes darkened on her, "Sounds like you've been learning a few tricks from Wilson. Come here," he said. She looked scared as she took a couple of steps forward standing close to him. "I'd rather crawl my way around this apartment then say that fucking name, so get the wheelchair or don't, either way I'm not telling you the name." He whispered harshly in her ear, "Got it?"

Cuddy stepped back looking at the ground, "Yeah, I'll bring you the wheelchair," she said and quickly left.

House pissed then pulled his pants up and flushed. He watched as the door opened and Cuddy pushed the wheelchair in with her eyes avoiding him. He grabbed it and got in, then turned it to face her, "Why did you come here?" He asked, his voice softer.

She looked at him and shrugged, "I called and you didn't answer."

He raised an eyebrow, "I hardly ever answer when people call."

Cuddy sigh, "So I called your home phone and from the looks of it, you threw a shoe that knocked the headset off so I could hear you talking and yelling to yourself. You didn't sounds more crazy than normal and that made me decide that I should come over and check on you. I knocked but you didn't answer and out of desperation I tried the door knob and it was unlocked, so I came in and found you well on your way to alcohol poisoning." She explained.

House nodded, "You didn't have to come over, I've drunk way more than that. I would have been fine."

"You weighed more then too," She pointed out.

"I said you didn't have to come over, but since you're still new at this I'll translate for you. That means thank you for giving a damn about me." He said and swallowed awkwardly as he rolled over to the sink and poured himself some water then drank it.

Cuddy smiled some, "So what would be a good translation of me saying your welcome and are you okay? Does, 'Lucky for you I wasn't doing anything, now are you finally ready to call off this pity party of yours?' work?

House laughed spitting out some water, "Yeah, it's pretty good for your first time." He wiped his mouth and rolled out. He looked in the living room at the mess and sighed as he rolled past it and to his piano bench where he grabbed out his cigarettes, and lit one. He grabbed a blanket of the couch and wrapped it over himself then cracked a window and smoked looking out into the night. "So I guess this is the part where I'm suppose to tell you what brought this on?"

She grabbed the empty bottles, throwing them away in a trash can that she'd brought over from the kitchen. "When have you ever done what you were suppose to do?"

He drew in a big drag and let it out, "We had a fight, and by fight I mean we both yelled, and I told him to leave."

Cuddy was surprised he was talking about it. She kept cleaning though not wanting to scare him away by showing to much attention, "Well it looks like you got what you wanted, so why the pity party?"

House shrugged, "I didn't want him to go, I just didn't want to hear his accusations. I don't get it, it's okay for him to tell me what all my problems are and point out at how fucked up I am, but fuck me if I tell him something about himself, then I'm a evil son of bitch."

She closed the Freud book putting it in the empty slot on the bookshelf, "So what was this revelation you told him, that helped him to see what a real jerk you are?"

"I told him that whenever anyone denies him something emotional or physical, he goes and finds someone else to fill those needs for him." He said as he wondered if Wilson would ever come back.

Cuddy sat down on the armrest of the couch facing House, "I don't think he's that way at all."

"No one does that isn't highly involved with him. He doesn't seem the type, he's nice and sweet. But he's cheated on all three of his wives several times, sexually and emotionally. Sexually he'd sleep with whoever was convenient, most of the time someone that worked where he did, and emotionally I was usually the person he came running to." House said wishing he saw Wilson's car outside his place.

"You? Why would he come to you to fulfill his emotional needs? You hardly ever show emotion," She said watching the back of him.

He sighed, "That's not what he needs when he comes to me, he gets that kind of stuff all day from his patients. What he needs from me is to feel like his life doesn't suck so bad, and he knows being around me always makes him feel better. Sometimes he just wants to feel wanted or needed and I'm the best man for the job, he's all I have and I'm cripple, so I'm always wanting him around or needing him. Then there are the times he just needs to yell at someone because no one can be nice twenty four seven, and he needs to vent of just tear someone down, someone who wont make him feel bad next time he sees them. Last there are the times he just wants to talk, not have a conversation really, just him talking and me listening, he says most people don't know how to just listen, but I do."

Cuddy watched him with concerned eyes, "And after you told him about him using other people to ignore is real issues, what did he say?"

House put his cigarette out the window and shut it, "He got pissed, said I had intentionally never told him this because I enjoyed seeing his marriages fail." He said looking at the floor.

"Is that all he said?" She asked feeling like there was something he wasn't saying.

He swallowed, "He said that I waited until he was so miserable and lonely he'd finally give even me a shot." He said shaking his head some, "I tried to tell him, he just didn't listen when I did. I was always making jokes and stabs at it, but he just didn't want to think it had any truth behind it, so he blew it off as me being a ass instead of putting any thought into it. I never wanted him to miserable or lonely."

Cuddy couldn't believe how cruel Wilson could be to say that. "There is noway that he actually thinks that House, he was probably just pissed and said it out of anger and you're not the bottom of any line."

"Aren't I?" House said turning to look at her, "I'm not good looking, I'm not suave or charming. I'm not in good shape physically, I look like a skeleton with some scared up skin draped over it. I can't even walk at the moment, I'm confined to this stupid wheelchair. And we both know I don't have the best personality. The only thing I have going for me is my brain, and do you know how hard it is to find someone that can even halfway keep up with the way I think? You and James are the only ones I've found. Stacy tried and she was better than most but she still missed so much and I couldn't really talk to her about work because she didn't understand what I was talking about in that kind of detail."

She shook her head, "You are good looking, even if you don't realize it, and you can be charming when you want to be. You still do need to gain some weight and when you do you'll look better and be walking again. As for meeting someone who can get you, then maybe you should actually go to those conferences I'm always trying to get you to go to, they people there aren't all idiots, branch out some and meet some new people." She said with a warm smile.

"Why? So they can get to know me and realized exactly how fucked up I am? No, it's already difficult enough with Wilson asking where'd this scar come from and how about that one." He said wrapping the blanket tighter around him, "Explaining all of it to someone new... the leg, the vicodin, the rapes, my father... I couldn't do that again, or better put, I won't do that again."

Cuddy looked at him with disbelief, "So what you're saying is if this doesn't work with Wilson then you're done? No more relationships, you're not even going to try and find someone else?"

"There isn't anyone else! No one has ever really wanted me, what about that don't you get? You said I'm not at the bottom of the list, but I am, not as a doctor maybe, but as a significant person in someones life, I'm the bottom." House said staring at her with cold, truthful eyes.

"Greg, that isn't the truth," She said adamantly.

"Why because you don't want to believe it?" He asked tilting his head some, "Because then that would mean there is something wrong with you for ever having an interest in me?" He saw her blush some and he rolled closer, "Yeah, I thought so. You're just attracted to my mind, the rest - you elevate to a level it really isn't because you want to believe there is more, but there isn't." His eyes softened, "There were some good memories in College some good sex, but you don't love me, you never did, you were just fascinated by me. The difference between the two never really shows its self until your in a relationship, fascination fades and is easily let go over, but love... you fight for love."

House's deep blue eyes stayed on her ice blue eyes with a sadness in them she'd never seen, or maybe she'd just ignored it. "No one has ever love me before. Stacy tried but... she just didn't, and you cared for me and I know that, but you didn't love me either." He said and then looked slowly down, "It's not like I ever expected to be loved, not even my own parents could love me. He didn't even try to hide the bruises, he had no shame about breaking my bones or cutting me up," he paused for a long moment his lips trying to say things they never had, things he only let ring in his head. "And she knew." He said his eyes meeting hers to see the confusion. "My mother, she saw him beat me till I was barely breathing, she saw him throw me threw windows and... other things," he scoffed with disgust, "always looking at me with those sympathetic eyes, but she never stopped it, never took off with me. I guess that natural instinct to protect your child didn't apply to me. She never fought him, I wasn't worth fighting for, not even to my own mother." He swallowed.

Cuddy stared at him and suddenly took in a breath of air as she realized she hadn't been breathing. She couldn't imagine the kind of place that a mother could see her son being beaten and doing nothing to help. She blinked at him as she raised a hand to his face, to touch him, to let him know she cared, but he pulled away.

"We come from two different worlds, and I know that my world must sound unbelievable to you, because your world... I can't imagine that world. A world where you're allowed to look your parents in they eye and problems are settles with words and gentle hands." He chewed his lip, "Most people see a child with bruises and the first thing that goes through their mind is that the kid must have played to hard, but I always think the parents did it. Same thing when I see a kid underweight or having night terrors." He looked back at her eyes to see the shear fear and panic in them, "I actually said all of that didn't I."

"Y... yes," she choked out as she tried to remember how to talk.

House took a deep breath as he ran his hand over his face, "I still must be pretty high. I should go to bed." He said as he made an attempt to roll by her but she was standing in front of him and he bumped her looking up at her with some surprise, "You've got super speed today."

Cuddy could tell he was still in fact high as she looked in his dilated eyes, "You need to eat first, you have any food?" He looked at the table and she spotted the bag with foam containers and opened them up.

"The one with the mushrooms is mine, you can have the other one, it was suppose to be Wilson's." He said watching her.

She heated them both up on plates and then brought them out for them to eat. She ate hers slowly watching as House would eat on his some and then would start picking at it and then eat some more. "You need to eat all of it House, it will help sober you up some." She said as she watched him eat a little more consistently. She'd always joked about House acting as thought he was from another planet, but she'd never even conceived that he'd lived the way he had as a child. It just seemed like someone would have gotten a child out of that kind of situation. A family member or teacher or doctor, or even a neighbor. She knew that CPS wasn't established until after he would have been 15 or sixteen and back then no one really questioned how parents raised their children, but this, even by those times, this was severe. "Did he hit your mother?"

House looked up from his food, "Not that I ever saw, he seemed to adore her, but who knows."

Cuddy nodded and watched as he finished his food without saying another word and she guessed that was her invitation to not ask anymore questions and decided to respect the request. She picked up when they were done. "I'm staying the night, would you rather me stay on the couch or do you care if I share the bed with you like last time?"

"What if I don't want you to stay the night?" He asked with irritation as he rolled over to his room.

She followed, "Then I guess you should have thought about that before you decide to take throw your pity party," she said grabbing his pills off the coffee table and putting them in her pocket, just in case he had any bad ideas. She watched as he tried to stand but wasn't able too and quickly got under his arm wrapping her arm around his ribcage, instantly she felt him pull away from her and a pained grunt leave him. "What's wrong with your side?" She said getting him to the bed before letting go.

He looked at her with dreadful eyes, "Okay, before anything starts I want to make sure we are clear about something. Wilson is no longer my doctor, we talked about it some tonight before he left and if I were to use you as my doctor again I would have to know that you wouldn't tell Wilson anything I wasn't okay with you telling him. No giving him hints or talking metaphorically either."

Cuddy nodded, "Fine, she said not understanding why he would even think she would want to tell Wilson." She watched as he took his shirt off and laid on his right side lifting his left arm for her. At first she didn't know what wrong, but then she saw a odd bump under is skin and coming off a rib bone. She touched it and saw him grimace as she felt of it and then she shook her head, "You need to show this to Wilson."

House pulled back on his shirt, "That's not going to happen, you're my doctor now, you can run tests and we can make a decision from there."

"Greg this looks like..." She was cut off.

"I know what it looks like, I don't need you to tell me what it looks like! I'll come in and you can run tests but I'm not telling him anything until we are for sure what this is, and I'm ready to. You remember the deal right?" He said watching her closely.

"If you know what this looks like then why didn't you let him look at it House, if this is cancer and he founds out too late to do anything how does that help anyone?!" Cuddy asked with concern.

"You said you wouldn't tell," House said eying her.

She narrowed her eyes on him, "You knew when I agreed to that I wasn't thinking you meant as a doctor."

"I don't care what you thought I meant, you said you wouldn't tell him." He said with piercing eyes on her, "Now, are you planning on sticking to that or not?"

Cuddy swallowed looking at him, "I don't have much of a choice do I, but if something bad happens because we drug our feet with this because you were trying to avoid telling Wilson, I'll never forgive you."


	26. Chapter 26: Testing 1, 2, 3

_Dear Guest,_

_House never said that he wouldn't tell Wilson, he said he didn't want Cuddy telling him. He's human, he's scared and not sure what he wants to do, all he knows for sure is that he wants it to be his decision when it comes to who knows and who doesn't. This will get explained a little more in the following chapters. House never want's anyone to see the scars, but he'd never told anyone about the rapes until Wilson, and he'd never kissed a man. Right now he just wants to keep them a secret. I really hope you like this chapter and the next one._

_Thanks for taking the time to review,_

_Nicole_

_Dear Anon,_

_I don't see House as an angel by any means, he pushes people away even though he doesn't really want to be alone. He's been hurt too bad too early in his life to have much trust, so he either allows someone to get close because he's okay with them hurting him or he pushes them away. Then again he pushes the people he want's to let close because he gets scared or gets hurt sometimes when he didn't expect it. The more I reveal his history the more it'll make sense, this version of House is really fucked up. He's never dealt with his issues because that would involve something called trust which he hardly has. He finds this humilating and embarrassing, as if he wasn't a strong enough man to prevent it. In this story House doesn't think he can be fixed, not really. He thinks he's too fuck up, to broken to really ever be anything more than he is now. I do think sharing is key in a relationship, but forcing someone isn't good either. Niether one of them is handling this good, House should open up and see what happens, and Wilson should back off and let House open up at his own pace, but in real life people usually aren't perfect. That's what makes it interesting. :) Anyways, hope you like the next couple of chapters._

_Thanks for the review,_

_Nicole_

Wilson stretched as he woke up to find himself naked and looked over to see Julie. A year ago this would have been normal, him in his bed, in his house, laying naked with his wife. Being that this was the present though, this was... different. He hadn't come here looking to get back with Julie, even thought he had really felt like he connected with her again and the sex... had been good until this moment when he felt a burn of guilt. He tried to push it aside, for all he knew this was their break-up and he hadn't ran away, no House had thrown him out. He felt Julie move and decided to not think about House at the moment and instead to see how Julie was. "Hey," he said laying on his side and kissing her forehead.

Julie opened her eyes and smiled, "Hey, what time is it?"

He peeked over her, "It's six-thirty, you want me to go make us some coffee?"

"No, that's fine. We're not married anymore you know," She said and stretched.

Wilson sighed, "No, but maybe we learned somethings from our relationship," he said and swallowed, "maybe we could do it better a second time around." He let his fingers move some hair out of her face, "Maybe this time we wouldn't take for granted what we have."

Julie smiled at him and sighed, "James, I love you and always will, but... we had our chance. I don't want to give it another shot, we were lucky that we grew from our divorce and I'm happy with where we are at. What happened last night, was great, but I don't want it to change everything. I'm really happy were we are, aren't you?"

He was a little crest fallen, he'd expected her to jump on the offer but instead she'd shot him down. "Um, yeah, I just thought that you might want to give it another shot. Last night you gave me the impression that you missed what we had and that you still had feelings for me."

She nodded, "I do miss you and have feelings for you. I missed talking to you James, and I love you, you know that, but like I said, I'm happy with how things are."

Wilson smiled and nodded some, "Yeah, you're right. Things are good, no reason to start rocking the boat."

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House woke up and looked to his left side to see a covered person beside him. He closed his eyes hoping that the fight had just been a nightmare and pulled the cover back some to see long dark brown hair and swallowed his sorrow. He had a hell of a hang over and his leg was hurting so bad is was clouding his mind. He needed his medication NOW! He looked at the wheelchair to see it was to far away for him to get too and looked back at Cuddy. It was only four-thirty and he didn't want to wake her up yet. He was suddenly overloaded with images that shook him to his core, she'd seen what they engraved on him, he'd told her about his father beating him and his mother watching. He felt a panic in his chest as he tried to calm down and he felt his leg force his attention on it for the moment as his hands tried to kneed the pain away.

He worked on it for a good forty-five minutes before it finally let up some and then he tried to come up with a plan. He knew he had no choice but to fall out of the bed so that he could crawl over to his wheelchair, provided he could get up in his as shitty as he felt. He threw his pillow down on the ground to help soften the landing. He scooted to the edge and went for it, falling as good as he could have, but it took another ten minutes of kneading his thigh to convince it of that. He got to the wheelchair and tried to get up, it took him two tries but he did it and wheeled himself into the living room to look for his pills.

He started to get frustrated when he couldn't find them looking in every spot he could imagine that he or Cuddy would have put them and then wheeled back into the bedroom. He looked through the clothes he'd been wearing that were folded up in a chair and then noticed a bulge in the pocket of Cuddy blue jeans that were folded and at the foot of the bed, he eyed her and then the jeans again. He rolled over slowly, keeping quiet and lifted the pills from her pocket, then rolled out of the room. Part of him felt a sense of betrayal that she'd taken the pills from him, but another, more rational part of his mind knew she had only done it because she was worried and considering all he'd told her, he couldn't blame her. He popped off the lid and took two of them, knowing that today was going to be a long day.

He couldn't help but wonder where Wilson was, and if he'd be waking up next to someone. He saw his jacket on top of his umbrella holder with the canes and rolled over to it, he looked around for a second and reminded himself that it was too early for Cuddy to be up. He picked it up and smelled the inside of the collar and hugged it closer. "James... I'm sorry I pushed you away, it's just... what you said it hurt so bad, but I was stupid to ask you to leave, I know that, please come back." He said softly hugging the jacket closer. "You would think by now that I would have learned to keep my mouth shut, it always gets me into trouble, at least a third of the times HE would get mad at me it was because of my mouth, then there was Volger and Tritter." He said slightly muffled as he buried his face in the jacket some. "I'm scared... I don't want to lose you, because of my mouth or because of being a burden. Stacy left because I was burden and because the pain caused me to have the nightmares again and fall back into the depression. Would you stay if it was cancer, could you deal with your patients at work and then see me everyday when you came home, or am I asking to much? We've only been dating a week and I know how caring your are, I know you'd stay if I tell you, but would it be because you want to, or because you think it's the right thing to do." He hugged the jacket harder his fingers white from the grip and he took a deep breath smelling James, "I want you to be happy, I don't want you to be miserable with me, you deserve better than that."

Cuddy slowly stepped back to the bed and got under the covers, wrapping them tightly around her as she thought about what she'd just witnessed. She'd never thought about House being afraid of losing Wilson the same way he'd lost Stacy and even though she was sympathetic to his problem her main concern was his health. She grimaced at that though, but he'd been lonely so long and she also knew he wasn't planning on trying again if this didn't work out with Wilson. He'd been as healthy as he could be the last eight years but during it he had been miserable, lonely, and self destructive – even to the extent of attempting suicide. If this was cancer and he lived through it only to lose Wilson along the way, how would his quality of life be, would he drink himself to death or maybe even attempt suicide again? And if he had Wilson, but died because he procrastinated with his medical treatment, no one would win either. She had to find a middle ground. She laid in the bed another twenty minutes still stuck on the same thought and then made a bunch of noise getting up and going to the bathroom. When she was done with the shower and clothed she found him clothed and reading a Medical Journal in the kitchen. "We'll do testing in the morning and I'll bring you back during lunch."

House nodded and swallowed, "Yeah, sounds good."

She could see the some hesitation in his eyes and really wanted to comfort him but was afraid that would scare him off. "I'm going to put it under your real name, but I'll put the file under a privacy lock in the system, so no one but me will be able to access it."

"I'll just grab a hoodie," He said rolling into his room and returning slowly with a huge hoodie that was dark gray with some red dragon design on it. His face was completely covered.

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Wilson felt a bit nostalgic driving to work, the same way he use too and then he got caught by the light. It was Bakers Street and he frowned as he read it, automatically thinking of House. He wondered if House had eaten last night and how drunk he got. Did House have his things already boxed up sitting outside his door, or would he pretend nothing had happened? To be honest he still didn't really know why House had wanted him out. House was the one who watched him ruin his life, all the time knowing his problems and not helping him to fix it.

The light turned and he continued on his way. He knew being mad at House for his issues wasn't going to make anything better, and there was a conflict with him being mad at House. He loved Greg, the way he wasn't predictable, the way he could show so much emotion and close himself off completely, his strength and his love. Wilson knew the reason he'd first wondered if House would let him come back was because he REALLY did want to go back to him. He wanted... no needed, to tell him that he was right and that he was going to work on his issues just like House was trying to work on his. If they were lucky, maybe they could become better, more emotional healthy people together.

Wilson parked his car and quickly jogged inside and away from the brisk wind. He saw Cuddy and waved at her, but instead of waving back she looked startled and quickly escaped to her office. Wilson was confused by the odd interaction as he got on the elevator. If she'd found out about his and House's argument then she probably would have marched right up to him and told him what she thought, therefore it was easy to assume she probably didn't and this was about something else. He walked to he nurses station by his office. "Any messages?" He asked.

"Dr. Cuddy told me to let you know she had to bump your ten o'clock patient, Mr. Litman, one-thirty. She got the patients information and said that she would personally call him and explain the situation."

Brittany said with a smile.

Wilson's smile dropped as he felt like he had a better understanding of why Cuddy avoided him this morning, "And that reason would be?"

Brittany shook her head, "I'm sorry, she didn't say Dr. Wilson."

"It's not your fault, thank you for letting me know," He said walking into his office where he unloaded his briefcase and walked back out. "Brittany, I'm going to go talk to Dr. Cuddy about this reschedule, I should be back shortly if anyone asks." Wilson said and with that he was gone.

Cuddy heard a knocking on her door and House immediately rolled into her closet without a word. She looked back as the closed door and called out, "Come in."

Wilson marched into her office, "Why did you bump my patient's time?"

She swallowed looking at the closet for a moment and then smiled. "I called Mr. Litman and explained the circumstances and he was fine with the change, and I did speak with Brittany and to mine and her knowledge you didn't have any scheduling conflicts with the new time." She explained.

He looked as her with confusion, "I didn't ask how you did it, I asked why."

Cuddy put on her mother superior face, "Because I have a patient who needs that time slot."

"Why can't your patient take the one thirty time slot that you're moving my patient too?" Wilson asked finding this more odd by the minute.

She stood up looking at Wilson with a death stare, "I'm sorry did you at some time in this conversation get the impression that you were my boss? My patient can not be here at the later time, so I specificity looked for a patient who had an earlier appointment, no longer working, that was just here for a follow-up for remission. Mr. Litman fitted all of those needs and was fine with the arrangement, what's your problem with it?"

"What's my problem? My first problem with it is that you didn't come to me and talk about it, instead you decided leaving the message with my secretary was good enough. Second, if you wanted to switch times then you should have let me get a hold of my patient and talk to him about it, I'm his doctor, calling him for me under-minded me to him. And last, I want to know what the hell make's you patient so much more important than the rest of our patients, why couldn't you're patient take the later time or has hanging around House made you start acting like him, at least his patients are critical?" Wilson said in a huff.

Cuddy wished he hadn't made actually good points and swallowed, "You're right, I should have talked to you face to face about the change, it was rude of me not to and the only reason I didn't was I've been super busy this morning. Also I promise you I never meant to under-mind you to a patient, you're my head of Oncology, I think the world of your work; with that said the reason I called him was because I figured changing up the times on you had inconvenienced you enough for one day and didn't want you to have to clean up for me. As for the last part, your right no patient is above the other unless they are circling the drain, which isn't the case of my patient, hopefully. I changed the times because of my mother..."

"Oh God Lisa, I didn't know it was for your mother," He said quickly with concern.

"No... it isn't. The reason I changed the times isn't because the patient can't come later, it's because I won't be here later. Once every couple of years my mother will give my sister and me a call for a 'family meeting', and last time... well I didn't make it and for the last three years of holiday's she's thrown that in my face as solid proof that I don't care about family and it's the reason that I'm still single and without a child. I know it's not a valid reason for bumping your patient, but I just can't go thru another three years of having it thrown in my face." She said with a pleading look.

Wilson melted at the real reason behind the switch, "No, believe me I know how Jewish mothers can be, Lisa, it's a good reason. We all have our mother issues, at least yours hasn't started accusing you of being impudent, at least I hope not."

"Not yet, I was smart enough not to tell her about the in vitro treatments otherwise I'm sure she'd be throwing that at me too." Cuddy said with a sad smile.

"My mother has it stuck in her head that I have to be shooting blanks. I've told her that my wives weren't ready to have kids yet, but she just can't accept that I've been married three time and none of my wives wanted kids. So instead she tells everyone that I'm impudent, her friends from church my old class mates when she runs into them. It's completely embarrassing. She found out that one of my old classmates was a fertility doctor and had her give me and my wife a call." He explained and shuttered. "I don't even want to know what she's going to say about House, if we make it long enough for her to find out. I'm not even talking about the gay thing, which I'm sure would be hard on her, but she's met the great HOUSE, and surprisingly she wasn't impressed with his extensive Jewish and Holocaust jokes."

She looked over at the closet for a second and then back at him. She really wanted him to leave, but he'd been so nice about believing her lie that she didn't want to kick him out. "Maybe he'll grow on her?" She said with a grimace, not even believing it herself.

"Why does he have to treat everyone that isn't somehow significant to him like crap? I was nice enough to invite him over to my family's place for Chanukah, because it was the first holiday's since Stacy left and he was all depressed and I hated leaving him there in that lonely apartment, looking so pathetic. So I do the right thing and invite him and what does he do? He makes religious jokes and ends up getting drunk, he out's the my brother and his wife are getting divorced right there in the middle of dinner." Wilson said with frustration

"Why did you tell him?" Cuddy asked.

"I didn't, he figured it out by their body language... it was horrible Lisa, they hadn't even told the kids yet who were sitting right beside them." He said and shook his head. "Do you think we should just stop this now? I mean, I love him... but he's an ass and he choked when I asked him if he wanted kids, which is code for him not wanting kids and we both know he doesn't change his mind on important things. Lisa I want to have kids, I don't know if I can be happy knowing I'll never have kids, but then again... he loves me and I really do love him. He pisses me off and I want to hate him at times, but I can't and he can be sweet at times." He sighed heavily, "I just don't know if I can go the rest of my life with out a child, and I know House is a lot like a child but it's not the same; I've always wanted to be a dad and my family hates him."

She swallowed hard, "James maybe you should just give it some time, if there is one thing I've learned about House over the years, it's that he isn't predictable. As soon as you think you have him figured out you find out something you never even imagined."

"Like finding out that he's gay for you and has been ass raped over a dozen times," Wilson commented dryly. "Julie suspected he was gay, she said that the way he watched me was too intense. I'm still not sure if he's really in this myself. I mean he's been raped by a lot of men, what if he's just confused and thinks he wants a physical relationship with me. Whenever we try to be intimidate physically he always pulls back or wants to put a halt to it, it just feels like he doesn't know what he wants."

Cuddy frowned, "Or maybe you're just moving a little to fast for a man who's been victimized in sexual way before with a dozen men. James, this isn't easy for him... you know how private he is and how hard it is for him to allow himself to open up about his emotions. He needs time, he needs patience, and after hearing what he went through I thought you of all people would want to give him that."

"Maybe that's the problem. **I** haven't heard anything, because he refuses to talk to me about what was done or how it made him feel. All he told me was that Tritter was a sadist, that's all I know about his rapes, that and how many. He wont talk to me about it, or his health now. Did he tell you the good news? Not only is he promoting you to new best friend, he's wanting you to be his doctor. Somethings been wrong with his side for a while now and he refuses to let me look at it. He went from trusting me to not trusting me at all and how can that work in a relationship. I know I've made some mistakes, like I know I shouldn't have kissed that other guy but I was drunk and I slipped up." He said with a frown

"You what?" she said stunned.

Wilson blinked at her with surprised, "He didn't tell you that I cheated yesterday at lunch?"

"No.. no he didn't tell me you already cheated on him. I kept telling him that he was crazy to think you would but I guess I was wrong. How can you wonder why he doesn't trust you when you can't even go a week without cheating on him?" Cuddy asked heatedly, "Never mind, I don't have time for it, I still have a lot to get done, if you would please leave so I can finish my work."

He swallowed, "It was a mistake, I know that. I'm surprised he didn't tell you."

"I'm not, he knows that even if he could forgive you that I wouldn't forgive you as easy, and sadly, he was probably ashamed. Knowing how twisted his mind works, he thinks it's his fault for not making you happy or moving as fast as you wanted. It makes me sick, now would you please leave." She said no long wanting to have to see him. She looked up as she heard the door close and walked over to the closet. "You could have told me he cheated on you, why didn't you say something about this last night?" She asked with sympathetic eyes.

Houses eyes narrowed on her, "That look right there is why I didn't tell you." He said rolling past her to the window and looking out. "It isn't a big deal, it was just a kiss and he was drunk... and he's Wilson for God sakes, that's what he does, he cheats. It wasn't something I wasn't expecting." He said now looking at his hands that were in his lap.

She could see the shame on him and put a hand on his shoulder, "This wasn't your fault."

"When can we just get these tests done so I can go back home," He said ignoring the whole other conversation. "What all tests do you plan on doing today, anyways."

Cuddy chewed her lip some, "A CT Scan and biopsy for sure, I would like to get some blood work done too. Can you think of anything else we should get done?"

House rolled his eyes looking at her, "Really? Do you usually ask the patient what tests they think you should run? No wonder you don't have patients and hide behind that big desk and authoritative title, you've forgot how to actually practice medicine yourself." He said snidely and thought about her actual question. "Running a CBC and getting an MRI couldn't hurt, get scans. I want to see what we're dealing with here, I figure it goes without saying that I do expect to get a detailed report of all tests done."

"I'm asking you because you're a great doctor and I respect your input. I will give all the reports of the tests preformed but if this is cancer then I'll give you a list of specialist to chose from, but I can tell you now you won't find a better Oncologist than Dr. Wilson." She said feeling small under his watchful eyes.

"What if I don't want another doctor, or a specialist," He said watching her, he knew what she was trying to do, she was trying to force him to tell Wilson even if he didn't want to.

Cuddy sighed, "I'm sorry Greg, I hate that this is happening, but I'm not the best doctor for you if this is cancer and I'm not going to take a chance on your health. You lost five pounds of muscle on your right thigh because I miss diagnosed you when you came to me in the clinic the first time. I'm not going to take the chance of missing something this time and you paying the price for it. I can't have that on my conscience."

House sighed, "Any doctor in your position would have thought the same thing you did," he answered.

"Would you have diagnosed it the same as I did?" She asked truthfully.

He swallowed, "No, but I'm not a normal doctor."

"Why not?" Cuddy asked.

House sighed, "If a patient grabbed the syringe out of my hand and plunged it into themselves like I did, then I would have been too curious to let it go, especially if it was another doctor. Doctors loose their medical license because of drug addictions all the time so I would assume if they were an just looking for a fix they would go outside of the hospital for, if they valued their career at least. So I would start trying to figure out what could be causing that kind of pain."

"See, different doctors see different things, I just want to make sure you get the best care." She said softly.

"Fine, I'll deal with that if we even get to that road, there are other things it could be beside cancer." He said rolling his wheelchair nervously back and forth.

Cuddy nodded, "Fine, you ready to get it done?"

"Yep," He said and with that he rolled out.

She caught up with him in the CT lab. He quickly got into a gown and into the machine without saying a word. Actually the only noise he made the entire testing process was a small grunt when she took the biopsy. "You could talk if you want to," She said while taking blood, now back in her office.

"As far as I understand that wont make the results come back any faster so let's just get this over with," House said coldly.

"I've still got some arrangements to get worked out and a little work before I can leave. But I should be done by one, then we can pick up some lunch and I'll take you back to your place." Cuddy said.

"And the results?" House asked.

She could tell he was anxious and didn't blame him, "We'll know if the biopsy was cancerous before we leave, if we're lucky we'll even get the CT scan print outs too, but the blood work and MRI results wont be back till tomorrow."

"Who are the technicians reading for the MRI today and the person doing the blood work?" He asked giving her a interested look.

Cuddy gave him a curious look, "Bernie is working the MRI and Alexandra is doing the blood work."

"Good," House said and grabbed his wallet out of his pocket. "Give these to Bernie tell him that House's patient is getting worse, and give this to Alexandra, tell her that Oma would appreciate her help however possible."

She looked at the first group which was one adult and three children passes into Six Flags Great Adventure Amusement Park and the last was a recipe for Dutch Apple Tarts by Oma Smit. Her eyebrow rose, "When they see your name on the patient file they'll know you're lying. Your not going to give him a ticket for his wife?"

"No, when they see my name on the patient file they'll assume it is for a patient that wants some privacy or a joke, giving them an incentive to get fast results will imply it's the first one. Also his wife died two weeks ago in a car accident, this weekend will be his first weekend off since it happened." He said looking at her with a smile, "So much for being a caring boss," he mocked.

Cuddy felt horrible, "How did I not know about this?"

"He wasn't able to take off anytime because SOMEONE doesn't pay him enough to be able to afford the time. His kids have been staying with his mother in Hempstead, New York." He said as he picked up a paper weight from her desk and started playing with it.

"How do you know about all this," She asked watching him closely.

He shrugged, "I make bets with him sometimes about what the patient will or wont show in the MRI. He's also got a motorcycle so we'll both trade good roads to go down for a nice ride."

"So you're friends?" Cuddy said with interest.

"No, we usually don't talk about personal things, he'd mentioned his family a little before, but I caught him the day after and he started talking about it and just wouldn't stop. I tried to get out but he just kept on, it was over an hour before I got out of there by setting my alarm on my phone to go off, all without looking at it, for ten minutes later." House said with pride.

"Jesus House, he'd lost his wife, don't you think you could have given him more than an hour? Can't you imagine what that would be like, and be something more than an ass?" She said seriously.

"Oh, was only listening to him for over an hour being an ass coming from a co-worker? I didn't know because when Stacy left me, no one talked to me about it, except Wilson. So were you being an ass by not saying anything about, asking me how I was coping with losing not only my independence but also my only support system? All I got were those looks of pity and sympathy from people, I got to hear the whispers quiet down as I entered a room and build again as I left it. People too afraid to talk to me or even look at me, like they would catch my shitty luck or something." He said with a bitter edge in his voice. "I think letting him talk it out to me for an hour was generous, and that setting the alarm to go off, so I could say it was an urgent text about my patient was considerate. Considering I could have just said that I didn't have time to waste listening to his problems."

Cuddy swallowed, he was right. The news of House's leg surgery quickly spread in the hospital, especially how it hadn't been what Greg wanted and the screams that echoed through the halls after he woke up, then the fight in the hospital room. He's features that had once held life and humor became cold, unmoving slates. Then one time Stacy didn't bring him into the hospital for a post-op appointment and it got out that she's left him and what had been emotionless stares turned into ruthless glares. He could make you shutter from fifty feet away with one look. When he came back to work, he no longer joked and talked with people, it was just work and everyone accepted that. The only persons he seeked out was her, when he needed her to approve something, and Wilson. It had became such an inconvenience that House was constantly looking for Wilson, that she finally put their offices side by side, with a connecting balcony. Nope, no one talked to him about his loss, no one even acknowledge it, instead they stared at the cane and whispered behind his back. She'd never really thought about how cruel it was until now. Even she had, but it wasn't because she hadn't thought about asking, it was because she was couldn't even look him in the face after she heard those horrible screams when he woke up. The nurse said that he thought it was a night mare, that he kept trying to wake himself up. She shuttered and looked at him, his point was valid, he could have been a lot more of an ass to Bertie than he was, he could have treated him like he'd been treated.

Cuddy delivered House's 'gifts' to Bertie and gave him a bonus check for his hard work, then she took Alexandra hers and the blood she needed to run. Cuddy had all the results in a manilla folder by one. "Come on, lets go," She said to House who was staring at the folder.

"I want to look at the results first," House said glaring at her.

Cuddy had expected this, "I said we can look at them at your place after lunch."

"They're my test results, I have a right to know what I'm dealing with and why should I have to wait when you've already seen them," He said still glaring her down.

She smiled, "But I haven't seen them," she said and opened to folder to reveal the still sealed envelopes inside. "Come on, you didn't eat breakfast this morning. All I'm asking is that you wait another what... hour at the most and eat a meal before you start reading the results and get totally consumed in that."

House flexed his jaw some and then rolled his eyes. "Fine, but we're eating fast food, and no more prolonging it after I'm in my apartment and I'm done with lunch, then I get to read the results... first," he said watching her closely.

"Fine," Cuddy said loving how she'd gotten her way, but she was smart enough not to smile openly.

They stopped by a burger joint on the way and she was both disgusted and stunned by how fast he devoured the meal. He was done in less then four minutes, and that included his large fries and soda. He gave her a classic House smirk, "So let's see I'm done with my meal so as soon as I'm in the apartment you have to hand over the file."

"I'm not even sure you chewed that?" She said giving him a disgusted look.

"I don't think chewing was in the agreement," he said and belched loudly.

Cuddy pulled away from him and shook her head, "You could at least roll down the window if your burps smell that bad."

"Wilson didn't make me roll down the windows," House with an appraising look.

"I'm not Wilson," she reported back to him and rolled down his window from her side while he laughed. As soon as they were parked House got out of the car and worked on getting out his wheelchair when his legs gave away. Cuddy walked around to find him on his ass with the wheelchair halfway out. "When will you learn to just let people help you?" She asked as she got the wheelchair all the way out and unfolded it, then put her hand out for him to grab.

Instead he grabbed the armrest on the wheelchair and pulled himself into it and she rolled her eyes at him walking to the door and opening the first one for him. He looked irritated more than grateful but rolled in anyways and then went to his door, unlocking it. As soon as he was in he blocked her path, "The file," he said with his hand out.

She narrowed her eyes on him, "Done with lunch and in the apartment... fine," she said with a little attitude and slapped it in his hand. He started to open it and she sighed loudly, "So, are you going to let me in so I can sit down and eat like a civilized person."

He rolled his eyes at her, "God you're so needy," he said and rolled over to the window.

Cuddy smiled, "Yes, I'm the needy one. I see you're still having problems with pronouns." She said as she walked in and ate on her orange chicken walnut salad, yogurt parfait and diet soda. She heard the rustling of paper and heard him putting the CT and MRI prints against the window to look at them. She kept waiting for him to say something but he didn't. When she was done she threw away her trash and walked over. "So, let me see."

House handed her the file, "I'm going to the restroom," he said and he started to go.

"You need any help?" She asked watching him.

He ducked his head as he stopped and turned some in the chair looking at her with cold eyes, "Do I need you to help me get on the toilet, no. I'm not that helpless, but thanks for making me feel like a big boy by asking instead of just following me in anyways."

"You just fell outside trying to get the wheelchair out of the back seat, I was just trying to be helpful, but if you don't want any help then fine. It's your toilet, you can clean it up if you fall and end up with piss on your walls." Cuddy said with a little attitude. House rolled on to the bathroom closing the door and then locking it. She let out a sigh and then started looking at the reports and her frown deepened. She put the CT scans to the window going through them quickly and then the MRI scans. She read up on the blood work, even though she already knew what it would say. She heard the bathroom door open and took a moment to get her face in what she hoped would be a neutral expression before looking at him. "So..." she said feeling stupid as she didn't know what to say.

"So... What? You were wondering if I fell in the toilet, well not this time," he said looking at the papers and scans spread about. "I'll tell him tonight, I'm not stupid enough to think I can hide this from him. Well... I could... but not for long, so I might as well tell him now. You happy, you got what you wanted, I'm telling him." House asked coldly.

She shook her head, "No Greg, I'm not happy about this," she said waving the file slightly. "We should talk about this, this is.."

"If I wanted to talk about it I would, but I don't want to, so can you please just... leave it alone, please. I don't want my team to know, if it becomes necessary for them to know I'll tell them." House said casually.

Cuddy swallowed as she saw him putting up a strong front, "Okay, you tell the team if it becomes essential for them to know." She walked over to him. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

He thought about that, "A pass from clinic duty for the rest of my life would be nice," he said giving her a hopeful glance.

"No more clinic duty until you're as well as you can be," She counter offered with a small smile.

"Wow, you're way to easy, if I knew all I had to do was get cancer to get out of clinic duty I would have done it ages ago." House teased a little.

Cuddy's smile faultered for a moment and then she forced it back on, "Yeah, well, that's why I always kept it a secret," she said an sniffled a little.

He looked up at her with concern, "Don't, I'll be fine, it's Wilson right? I mean sure his survival rate sucks, but it's actually good for his field, and if I did die you'd be out a loud and obnoxious doctor that cost you more in lawsuits then I actually make a year."

"How can you joke about this?" She asked as a couple of tears ran down her face and she wiped them away quickly. "Greg, you're more than another doctor at the hospital to me, you know that."

House shrugged, "I figure there is going to be plenty of time to be serious when we have an even better understanding how this reacts to different treatments. And quit worrying, people don't die from cancer, that's just a myth, patients die because Oncologist are so sickeningly sweet it kills them, but see I wont have that problem. I've built up an immunity from being around Wilson so much, I knew I was friends with him for a reason." He could see she was about to lose it and looked at her with worry, "You better get going, that thing with your mother and all."

Cuddy smiled as she tried not to cry, "Yeah, almost forgot about that." She said knowing he was trying to give her an excuse to leave and not fighting him on it, she figured he had a lot on his mind. She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, "Call if you need anything."

He nodded, "Take that with you," he said looking at the file. She grabbed it and put a hand on his shoulder giving it a small squeeze for just a moment before she left and then he locked the door behind her.


	27. Chapter 27: Last Minute Truths

If he was at the hospital where he could run tests then he wouldn't have given the file up, but he'd read it six times and there was nothing more to be learned from it. He grabbed out his phone, he wanted to see if Wilson was coming over of tonight, or if he was finally done with it. He swallowed as he went to contacts and selected Wilson's name for a new text. _'Are you coming over tonight?'_ he texted. He waited with anxiety and finally started playing a game on his phone. When it finally did the tone for a new texted he paused the game.

Wilson had just closed the door behind Mr. Litman when his phone vibrated and he walked over to see a text from House, which was unusual since House wasn't a big fan of texting. When he read it, he was even more confused, House never asked if he was coming over, he always liked to make it seem as though he didn't really care. Then again, it could mean that House didn't want him to come over and planned on heading him off, just in case he was planning on it. Wilson hated this, it was hard enough to read the man face to face, and it was impossible to read him over a text. So he wrote the only thing he could think would be appropriate either way. _'Am I allowed at your place?'_

House paused the game again and read the text. _'Yes.'_

"Yes," Wilson said reading it, he wondered if House just wanted to continue the argument of if he was over it, but House usually let things go pretty quickly with him. He thought about it and smiled some, House wasn't asking **if** he was coming over, House was asking him to come over. That was a rare thing, _'Will you talk to me if I do? We need to talk.'_ Wilson sent.

House swallowed as he read the text, _'Yes, I agree.'_ he typed back.

Wilson had a bad feeling as he read the text, something wasn't right if House wanted to talk to him. _'Are you okay?'_ he asked with worry.

House chuckled with watery eyes as he read it, "No, I'm not okay," he said as if hoping some how Wilson would hear him. _'What time do you think you'll be here?'_ House asked avoiding the question before.

Wilson was positive something was wrong now, he looked at his schedule and decided he would come in early to do some of his paperwork. _'4:30 sound good?'_ he asked.

House looked to see it was two-thirty, _'see you then.'_ he wrote back. He looked at his Freud book and decided he'd have joint around three-thirty so he'd be more relaxed when Wilson came over, but not still looking and feeling too high to be in control of himself.

It was 4:18 when House opened the door to see James about to knock, "You're early," he said rolling back to let him in.

Wilson wondered if House had been looking out the window waiting for him. "I was missing your neediness," he said walking in and looking the place over and to his surprise everything was in it's proper spot. "You have an interesting night last night?"

"No more interesting then all the other times I've gotten drunk, you?" House asked.

Wilson frowned, "I slept with Julie," he said wanting to get it out as soon as possible.

House took a moment to compose his feeling and really think about this. He felt hurt and betrayed, he wanted to yell and scream but he didn't want James to leave. He forced himself to push the pain down and swallow it. He shrugged as he looked up at him, "It's not like you hadn't slept with her before we got together, right?"

Wilson wasn't sure what he expected, but this wasn't it. "So it's okay if I cheat long as it is with someone I've already slept with before? So I can sleep with Sam and Bonnie too, and all the other women along the way?"

House closed his eyes feeling sick, "Is that what you want?" He asked unable to look him in the eyes, "I know you have needs, and if I'm not meeting them then... how can I get mad at you for fulfilling your own needs."

"Quit letting it go, quit acting like it's okay," Wilson said with frustration.

"What do you want from me!?" House asked with irritation, "YOU cheated on ME and somehow I'm not meeting your expectations? If I get mad is it really going to change anything? If I break down and cry will you never cheat on me again or do you just want to know that you hurt me?" He said and took a couple of breaths, "Just tell me what you want... I'll give it to you, just tell me."

Wilson took a moment and shook his head, "I don't know what I want you to do. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore."

"You're Dr. James Wilson, wonderboy of Oncology, the breaker of hearts and the sweetest most loving man I've ever met. That's who you are," House said with conviction.

Wilson swallowed as he sat down on armrest of the couch, "You forgot adulteress bastard."

House rolled over closer to him, "First of all, you're human, you've made mistakes, I can accept that and you need to accept that. Second... bastard is my name, you can't have it."

"I can accept that I've made mistakes, but I don't want to keep making the same mistakes. I don't want to keep hurting you and myself," Wilson said seriously.

House put his hand on James's hand and gripped it hesitantly, he wasn't sure how to do this, "James, I'm not good with this kind of stuff, if I was then maybe I wouldn't be so fuck up. All I know is that I'm not meeting all your needs. Maybe there are things you don't feel like you can talk to me about and I know I'm not satisfying you physically, but I want to try."

Wilson squeezed his hand a little tighter, "I know you're trying and you can clearly... well I mean you have already..." he said trying to find a better way of a putting it as he blushed some.

"I can... get you off?" House said putting a hand on James thigh.

"Um.. yeah," Wilson said and swallowed as he looked at House's hand, "It's just... I was just..." he stumbled on his words as Greg's hand traveled up his thigh.

"You still don't think I want this," House said softly looking in James's eyes as his hand started rubbing little jimmy.

"I'm just," Wilson bit his lip some as he moved his legs apart and Greg palmed him, "I don't... know..."

"If I'll ever uncross my legs and let you in my back door?" House said as he watched James dilated eyes.

Wilson put his hand on Greg's, stopping him, "Greg, I don't want to hurt you or make you feel bad. I just need to know that this is going somewhere it can grow. I don't want us to get all in this to find out that we can't have a good sexual relationship."

House looked away, no longer feeling as comfortable now that James had stopped his work and all of his attention was on him, "I said you could do what you wanted to me."

Wilson frowned, "Greg," he said waiting for him to look back at him, "I don't want to hurt you physically or... I don't want to hurt you in any way."

House sighed, "That's not fair. Imagine I'm that vase that I broke yesterday, okay."

"Okay," Wilson said.

"I'm..." House swallowed, "broken, and you want to make me back into the beautiful vase I once was so long ago, which I'm not even sure is possible. But what you're telling me is you want me to promise you that neither one of us will ever get cut while putting these shards of glass back together and I can't promise that. You will hurt me, not on purpose, but you will and I'll hurt you, but that's what it takes to fix something that is shattered, that's what happens when you play with glass."

Wilson's lip twitched as his eyes water up a little, "I'm just afraid of breaking you more."

House shook his head, "That's not possible, you're talking to the man that took Tritters deal."

Wilson nodded, "You have a point, I still don't see how you can accept me and my issues."

"I was just thinking the same thing," House said, chuckling some, "Maybe that's what attracted us to each other in the first place, we both understand each other better because we're both screwed up."

Wilson looked House in the eyes, "If you accept me, then why did you get so mad last night? Why did you throw me out?"

House frowned some pulling his hand back, "You said that I waited to tell you... that I waited until you were so miserable and lonely you'd even give me a shot," he said as his eyes and face grew cold. "But I didn't wait, I tried to tell you, and it was never my plan to make you miserable and lonely. I've loved you for a long time and I want you to be happy, if I don't make you happy then I don't want to keep you here."

"I was mad at you for telling me something I wasn't ready to accept about myself, I was just lashing out Greg. I'm sorry for that," Wilson said softly.

House sighed, "I'm serious James, I don't want to make you miserable."

Wilson swallowed as he could tell that what he had said had cut Greg deeper than he'd ever really thought. "Greg, you make me feel more than I think I ever have. I feel the happiest I ever have with you and you can piss me off like no one I've ever met. We are both stubborn and we have a tendency to get into arguments and at the same time, I've never wanted someone as bad as I want you. You make me feel safe and scared to death, but the one thing I've never been with you is miserable." He said putting his hand on the side of Greg's neck.

House looked up at him, "You're so full of those soft and mushy feelings, you can't even stop them from spilling on to everyone else, can you?" he asked with a small smile.

Wilson smiled back, "Sorry it's one of the hazards of dating me."

"You feel like buying me dinner for hurting my feelings last night?" House asked smirking more.

"Well considering I always buy your dinner I'm not sure how that would make up for me being a complete ass last night," Wilson explained.

"But you don't usually get me dessert, but tonight you are. See how that works," House said wagging his eyebrows.

Wilson smiled, "Fine, so what do you want for dinner?"

The weed had made House ravenous, "I was thinking of the 20 oz Bone-In Rib-eye steak with the scalloped potatoes and asparagus as the sides and blue cheese dressing on the salad. Actually get blue cheese butter put on the steak too and for dessert I want a slice of Kahlua cheesecake."

Wilson shook his head as he tried to remember everything Greg wanted. "And if I get all of that, you'll eat it?"

"Yes, Arthur's Steakhouse delivers," House said and his stomach rumbled some.

Wilson was happy Greg wanted to eat, "Okay, I'll just give them a call and put in our order. So do you plan on sharing the Kahlua cheesecake?"

"No, quit being cheap and get your own," House said playfully.

"I don't know if you can call me cheap when I'm buying the meal," Wilson said flatly with hands on his hips.

House smiled, "I'm paying the rent and bills. You're paying for the food, I think you can afford to get us our own desserts."

Wilson shook his head, "No, I'm paying half of the rent and bills."

"Darling, it's okay to let a man take care of you, just let in to that Jewish voice in your head telling you about all the money you'll save, by the way, does he sound anything like that gecko in the Geico commercials?" House asked with a smile.

"Greg I'm serious, I want to pay you half," Wilson said standing up.

House sighed, "James, it isn't going to cost anymore for you to be here, so it's stupid for you to pay half my rent and bills, but don't worry. I'll let you work off you're guilt with cleaning and cooking those wonderful meals for me, plus you get to buy me good food. Also I don't want to have to explain why I'm paying what I am for this place."

Wilson raised an eyebrow at that, "Why? How much are you paying?"

House shook his head, "This is why you're the woman in the relationship. A man say's he doesn't like meatloaf and the woman (which is you) say's you just haven't had mine yet."

"Fine, but I get to buy the clean supplies and toiletries," Wilson said firmly with fists on his hips.

House rolled his eyes, "Okay, you can buy the cleaning and bathroom stuff, now will you please call in the food, I'm starving."

"Thank you," Wilson said and made the call. When he was done he saw Greg trying to get on the couch and then fell, but was fortunate to land on the couch. He quickly walked over, "You alright?" Greg nodded but Wilson was still worried, "You feeling weak or are your legs hurting worse today?"

"I fell, it isn't a big deal. It's to be expected when you're with a cripple. Didn't read that book, What to Expect When Dating Cripples?" House teased.

"Most cripples fall a lot, you don't, you're graceful. Has this been happening more often today?" Wilson asked sitting on the couch by him.

House looked a little defeated, "I didn't sleep well last night, I'm just a little weak and tired today."

Wilson nodded some while putting his arm around Greg's shoulders, "You could nap against me while we're waiting on the food if you want."

"That might not be a completely horrible idea," House said and yawned as he laid out on the couch with his head on James's lap.

Wilson ran his hands through Greg's hair and soon the man was snoring lightly. He couldn't help but wonder what he had done to be lucky enough to get a shot with the extraordinary man who was drooling on his slacks. Greg was forgiving and accepted him as he was. He didn't have to be perfect around Greg, like he felt that he had to do with the rest of the world, because Greg wasn't perfect either and he didn't try to be what others wanted.

Wilson sighed, he wished he had the balls to be like Greg. He always said what he was suppose to say and did what he was supposed to do, not what he really thought or wanted. Suddenly something started clicking in his head. His problem of running from his real issues, what if that was because he didn't want to have to tell the person he was with that his needs weren't being met? What if he avoid talking about it because of his constant need to make other people happy, or in this case keep them happily in the dark... that is until he ended up meeting his own needs with some innocent bystander?

He was pulled out of his thoughts when the doorbell rang and he got up as Greg sat up wiping his eyes. "Hello," Wilson said opening the door.

"Hello Dr. Wilson, here is your order and if you could please just fill this out," he said handing Wilson a credit card receipt and pen.

Wilson filled it out giving the driver a ten dollar tip, and then brought the food in to find House at the table with two sets of silver wear out. "Jesus, you're sneaky for a cripple," he said walking past him and into the kitchen.

"What are you doing? Don't you know it's considered cruelty to starve you're boyfriend?!" House said loudly watching as the food disappeared.

Wilson put the cheesecakes in the refrigerator then grabbed out three plates and walked back to the table, "I'm sorry, but if I'm paying over eighty dollars for food, then I'm eating it on a plate.

House put his hand out and was given two plates, "Why do I get two plates?" he asked with confusion and watched as James gave him a knowing look and House laughed, "Oh God, seriously?"

"Yes seriously, you know it grosses me out," Wilson said narrowing his eyes on Greg.

House looked at the bag in James hand, "Will you give me the damn food if I agree to put my sides on a different plate."

Wilson handed Greg his food but refused to let go of the container, "Promise me," he said with narrowed eyes still on Greg.

"I'll put them on separate plates, now give me the damn food," House said pulling harder on the container, but James didn't let go so House poked him with his fork.

"Ow!" Wilson said as he jerked his hand back, but Greg didn't even look back up as he separated his food and started in on his steak. Wilson sat down and started on his food, "Do you smell something?"

House continued cutting his steak, the last thing he needed was James to be on his ass over some weed. "James you don't have to try to blame your farts on someone else," he said and stuffed a large piece of steak in him mouth.

Wilson blushed some, "I'm not."

"Then why are you blushing?" House asked while still chewing his food.

Wilson blushed more, "Because you're trying to accuse me of something I didn't do."

House appraised him with an odd expression, "Really? That's an odd reaction don't you think? So if I accused you of murder, you would blush too?"

"No, it's not the same thing, killing someone is cold and mean, it's not embarrassing," Wilson explained.

House shoved another piece of steak in his mouth as he frowned, "You're thirty nine years old and you still find farts embarrassing... interesting, sounds like a reason to lie about it."

Wilson looked unamused, "I didn't fart."

"Letting out wind is a natural thing, see," House leaned to the side and farted loudly.

Wilson looked disgusted and shook his head, "Thanks so much for the demonstration Greg, I don't think I could have made it through my meal without that valuable insight," he said flatly.

House smirked some, James was definitely off the scent of the weed now. "Well thank you, I do try to be helpful. Hey I've got a great belch for you if you want me to do another demonstration," he said sounding hopeful, once again with a mouthful of food.

"No, please, that was more than enough," Wilson said quickly then shook his head. "I can't believe your parents didn't teach you to not talk with your mouth full."

House automatically tensed up, as he looked down at his food and away from James. "What did you parents do if you talked with food in your mouth?"

"Well they wou..." Wilson stopped as he looked at Greg to see the man looked stiff as he stared at the food no longer cutting or eating. He swallowed as he saw the fork shake in his hand a little, "It doesn't matter, it's a stupid rule, let's just eat Greg."

House's weary eyes met James's, "Did he hurt you, or make you eat dirt, or tie you down and starve you?"

Wilson shook his head softly as his eyes warmed, "No Greg, my father didn't do that. One time he lost his temper and he slapped me across the face hard... he knocked me down, but later that day he came to me in tears apologizing for hitting me and we talked it out." Greg looked back down at his food and slowly started eating again and Wilson made a new rule for himself which was to not bring up Greg's parents or anything about discipline at the table again. Wilson was pissed at himself as he saw Greg push the food around on his plate, instead of eating it with the gusto he'd been shoveling it down with before. "You're team is completely lost without you there," he commented, hoping to come across as causal.

House looked up, "What are they doing?" he said putting a piece of steak in his mouth.

Wilson smiled, "Well Foreman is trying to act like he's in charge..."

"Naturally, he's so predictable," House interrupted as he stuffed in some potatoes before even swallowing the steak.

Wilson wasn't mad at the interruption, he was just happy Greg was eating, "Yeah, and of course Chase thinks he should be in charge because he's worked with you the longest. So they are both running their own tests on completely different diagnoses and from what I hear Cuddy keeps having to play referee which is driving her even more nuts than you do."

House was smiling as he popped in some more steak, "Good for Chase, I expected him to fold under Foreman's huge ego. What is daddy's little girl up to, besides doing the Aussie that is?"

Wilson smiled, "You think Cameron and Chase are together."

House contemplated that for a second, "I'm not sure if they're dating, but I'm pretty sure their bonking. Chase has been staring at her through the differentials, so he want's to be dating, but she's still not over her handsome, incredibly smart and sex boss, so she's just using him for the moment... probably with the hopes of making me jealous." He said with a evil smirk while eating.

"She'll be heartbroken if she ever finds out about us," Wilson said with some sympathy.

House laughed, "Oh God, I have to be the one to tell her. I want to see her face when she finds out, it'll be classic."

"That's a little cold, even for you. She cares about you Greg," Wilson said clearly not finding it humorous.

"She thinks she knows me so well. She thinks I love her but am afraid to try a relationship again, instead of accepting the fact that I just don't love her. She's sweet and good looking and because of that she think everyone wants her, but I still see a prepubescent girl who likes the attention she gets from being with men who are doomed. It doesn't take a deep person to decide to marry a dying man who she was only with for less than a year, it takes someone who needs to be someones world. Being deep is taking a real risk and marring someone who will still be on this earth ten years later and seeing if you can really stand the test of time, not someone with an expiration date already stamped on him." House said with annoyance.

Wilson thought about that some as he watched Greg eat, "So you don't think she really cares about you?"

House sighed, "The caring is real, you can't pretend to be that sappy all the time, but she doesn't love me, she loves the idea of being my world. She would have given anything to trade places with you even when we were just friends, because she could see that you were my... well everything."

"You said were, what am I now," Wilson asked taking a bite of his steak.

House thought about that for a moment, "Now you're more than I ever thought you could be, you're hope. You're a part of me, probably the best part of me." He said and then went back to eating.

Wilson didn't know what to say to that and the more he thought about it, the more he valued the complement and emotions behind it.

When they were done with dinner James cleaned up as House watched him. He knew he still had to tell him about the cancer, but he didn't know how to bring it up. Okay that was a lie, he never was one who needed small talk, he'd blurt something out whether it had anything to do with the conversation or not if he wanted to. Truthfully, he was afraid of a lot of different things. James might not want to date him anymore because he might feel it would cloud his judgment as a doctor, or he might leave because they were new at this and it was a hell of a burden. Of course James might blame him for the cancer, actually he was pretty sure that was going to happen. He didn't take care of himself, he didn't eat right, he drank too much, he used narcotic drugs, he smoked on occasion, and he didn't exercise because of the leg. He bit on his lip some and could still taste the metallic taste of his dried blood from biting it too hard and busting it.

_Maybe you should get him in a good mood first, you know what he likes, _said a deep gruff voice in House's head.

House swallowed as he watched James.

_You could let him pound that hole of yours and then he'd stay, that's what he wants_, the voice said and then laughed_._

He closed his eyes feeling his heart race as he could see the face of the voice.

_Make it good and I won't hurt you too much this time... You're getting better at hiding the disgust, is it because you know I like it or because your finally accepting that you really are a whore?_ The voice sang softly in his ear. _You know how to look like you're okay with it, even if you aren't, and it's not like your a virgin._

Wilson looked over to ask if Greg was ready for dessert when he saw the man with tightly closed eyes and his hands over his ears again clawing his fingers in his scalp and ran over.

_You ever going to tell him how you learned how to give a proper blow job, he has me to think for that,_ the voice taunted him.

"GREG!" Wilson shouted as he roughly shook him. Greg's eyes opened his eyes wide as he looked at Wilson, so he stopped shaking him. "What was going on, are you okay?" Wilson asked as his hands gentle rubbed up and down his arms.

House didn't want to be touched, but James wanted to touch him, so he allowed it. "It's okay," he said softly not sure if he was telling himself that or James.

Wilson wasn't buying it, "You were clawing at you're head and you feel like you have a fever, it isn't okay."

"I'm fine," House said softly.

Wilson swallowed as he looked Greg's head to see where he'd actually broken the skin in a couple of places, "You're hurting yourself. Greg you need to talk about this."

House looked up at James, "I can make feel good and we can just forget about it. Wouldn't you like that?" He said putting his hand on James's crotch, "You liked my blow jobs don't you?"

Wilson back away from him, the way Greg was looking at him wasn't lust filled or even close. There was a coldness in his eyes a submissiveness in the way he was holding his head, and it made his skin crawl. "No Greg, I want to talk."

House looked at Wilson crotch, "Why? Wasn't I good? Didn't you like it?"

Wilson's mouth hung open for a second, "Greg... this isn't right we..."

"I could be better," House said his eyes meeting James. "I can give you want you want, what you NEED. You don't have to be gentle, you can pound my tight little hole as hard as you want and I won't make a peep. I can be good, I'll show you how good I can be." House said rolling closer.

Wilson was completely creep-ed out. "No!" He said loudly as he moved farther away from Greg. "No, I just want to talk. You don't want to do this, I can see it in your eyes, so stop offering it up as a bargaining chip to get out of talking about things. It's sick and disgusting."

House stopped abruptly, "You find the idea of having sex with me as sick and disgusting?"

Wilson sighed, "No... no of course not, I love you, but not like this. I'm not going to have sex with you like this."

House swallowed, "I hear HIM in my head sometimes, usually he's saying something I've heard him say before, or he's giving me advice. I know he isn't really here, I'm not crazy." he said with earnest as he looked up at James.

"You hear who? Your father or Tritter? Who do you hear?" Wilson asked with concern.

House closed his eyes, "I'm tired, can we just get in bed?"

Wilson was worried about this, "Talk just a little more. You don't have to tell me who, if you'll just tell me what he said."

House grimaced with his eyes still closed, "He said I should offer you up sex if I want you to stay, that I was good a faking like I was okay with it, even if I wasn't."

Wilson was quiet for a moment as he felt sick, "Anything else?"

House's lip quivered some, "He said you should thank him for how good I am at blow jobs, because he taught me how." House said looking down as his face blushed with shame.

Wilson grimaced, he'd wondered how Greg had been so good at it. "Tritter is a sick piece of shit Greg and you won't ever have to see his face again and you shouldn't listen to anything he said or says in your head. You're more than a piece of ass to me and I'm not leaving okay?"

House looked up at James with weary eyes, "Can we go to bed now?"

Wilson sighed and nodded his head, "Yeah, lets go lay down. You want to go first so you can get changed and I'll be there in a minute." Greg left without saying anything and Wilson waited until he heard the door close behind him and when he did he went over to the refrigerator and grabbed out the bottle of tequila that was always there and took a good long chug on it. It wasn't the best tequila but he hoped it would help him forget what he'd just witnessed and heard. He took a sip of orange juice to help cover up the alcohol on his breath and walked up to the door. "You dressed?" He asked.

"Yes," House answered as he pulled on a tee shirt.

Wilson walked in to see Greg still in the wheelchair and noticed Greg's pillow was on the floor. "You fall out of bed this morning?" He asked trying to keep any sympathy out of his voice.

"The legs just weren't having it this morning and my wheelchair had rolled off some," House said as he bent over some and put it up on the bed then grabbed the mattress and pulled himself up on the bed.

Wilson quickly changed and turned off the light then got in bed. He faced Greg and felt around until he was holding a thin cold hand and gave it a good squeeze, "I feel like there is something wrong you're not saying. The texts today, the falls, whatever you want to call what happened out there, it just feels like you're keeping something from me."

House closed his eyes and took a deep breath and let it out. This was the time to be strong but he felt anything but strong. He wasn't use to this much emotional conflict, the last couple of weeks had felt like a year and he rolled on his side toward James, in his arms and nuzzled his chest with his nose gently.

Wilson frowned as he wrapped Greg up in his arms feeling each breath of the man, "How bad is it?"

"Bad..." House answered his voice having a slight shake in it. He looked up to see James's caring eyes on him and kissed his lips hesitantly.

Wilson kissed him back without hesitation and gave him a soft squeeze, "Tell me, it's okay," he whispered.

"Cuddy looked at my side today... and it's cancer," House said in a deep voice awaiting James's reaction.


	28. Chapter 28: It's Cancer

_Dear Indra988,_

_Thank you so much for reading my story and taking the time to review and let me know what you think. I'm hopefully ending your torturous wait by putting up the next chapter and hope you will love it like you have the rest of the story so far. Let me know if I met your expectations with it or if I fell short, I'm not afraid of criticism especially if it's justified. _

_Thank you for the lovely review,_

_Nicole_

"Cuddy looked at my side today... and it's cancer," House said in a deep voice awaiting James's reaction.

Wilson felt a wave of different emotions hitting him. First his got angry at the thought that this might be House's idea of a joke but when he looked back in the mans eyes he knew that this wasn't a joke. Then sympathy filled him for Greg, he's seen this man go through too much as it was and he didn't deserve this, not that anyone did. Then he thought about how this would effect them, they already had enough problems. He also knew this wouldn't be easy on him to see House in pain, to watch him get sick from the treatments and of course their physical interactions would probably suffer. Then he was sick with himself for even thinking about something like that during a moment like this. "Are you sure?" He managed to ask as he turned on the dim lamp on his nightstand.

House was on pins and needles as he watch James, "Yes," he whispered. "Cuddy brought me to work with her today and ran some tests. I'm sure."

Then it hit Wilson, this was why Greg didn't want him to look at his side. "How long have you known?" Wilson asked trying to cover up the hurt in his voice.

"I just found out today, you can ask Cuddy yourself," House said truthfully.

"I'm NOT asking CUDDY anything," Wilson said loudly as his muscles tightened and he felt House pull back some. He felt his eyes water up out of emotional pain and anger, "Your the smartest doctor I know, you're telling me you didn't even have a suspicion it was cancer?" Wilson said as he looked in Houses eyes and his finger dug into the mans arms.

House felt the fingers, as his eyes stayed on James, and he swallowed wondering what would happen after he answered. "James... I wasn't sure...I..."

"HOW LONG!" Wilson yelled cutting House off , who immediately seemed to shrink as he closed his eyes. Wilson's eyes were blurry as tears fell out, "How long?" he asked again softer this time.

"A couple of weeks," House said and swallowed, "I thought the pain from my ribs was because... of Tritters visits, and then you..." he suddenly got still and silent afraid he'd only make James more mad.

Wilson waited for him to finish but when he didn't Wilson thought about and finished for him, "I gave you the hematomas, one of them was on your side." He said as he looked down at the obviously scared man and loosened his grip some. "Why didn't you tell me when you first suspected it? Why did you wait?"

House opened his eyes to see James shedding tears and he wiped them away with his thumb, "Please James, don't cry. I'm so sorry, I was just... I was scared," he said with shamed and bitterness in his voice. "I love so much. I'm sorry."

Wilson pulled House close to him and ducked his head in the crevice of Greg's neck. "You can't die, alright? You have to promise me you wont die." He said holding on to him tightly as if he was afraid someone might just snatch Greg away any minute now.

House hated to upset James like this and nodded, "I'll try anything you want me to try. I want you to be my doctor, if you think you're up to it. I'll do my best."

Wilson took in an deep breath and his shook as he let out, and more tears with it. He'd never really thought he would lose Greg, he always seemed so strong like a unmovable force that would always be there. "Why... do you... want me?" He asked brokenly.

"Because I trust you, but you don't have to if you don't want to." House said as he felt more tears on his neck and shoulder and wished more than anything that he could save James from this pain.

Wilson hugged him even tighter and then Greg pulled his side away some and Wilson loosened his grip as he realized he was probably hurting him. He swallowed as he tried to compose himself some and pulled back to look at Greg, he let his hand rake through Greg's hair, "Of course I'll be your doctor," he said softly while frowning. "Greg you said it was bad... how bad are we talking?"

House's wiped away the tears that were still lingering on James's face, "Bad," he said searching James's eyes.

Wilson felt like he was going to lose it again but just nodded, "What kind of cancer are we talking about?" He asked trying to be strong.

"We don't have to do this tonight James," House said not wanting to worry James anymore than he already had.

"Greg this is serious and I don't want to walk in to be steamrolled over by something I wasn't expecting, please tell me," Wilson said as he held Greg's hand and looked in his eyes.

House sighed, he couldn't say no James, "I'm not an Oncologist, but it looks like Aggressive non-Hodgkin Lymphoma to me."

Wilson shook his head and his eyes looked unfocused as he though, "No... it can't be Aggressive... that would mean... it would have to.." He stumbled on his words as he looked in to Greg's sympathetic eyes, "spread through..." he mumbled as his lip shook and his mind seemed unable to compute that Greg had to be level 3, maybe even 4.

"Shhh," House said as he pulled his hand from him and leaned over James wrapping his arms around the man, "It's going to be okay, you know how I know that?" James looked scared as he shook his head, "Because I have the best Oncologist in the state on my side." He said and kissed James softly.

Wilson cupped the side of Greg's face with his hand, "You have to be scared. I should be telling you it's going to be okay, not the other way around."

House smiled softly, "I'm fine James. I have everything I ever wanted in my arms right now. Nothing else matters, I'll," he stopped and smiled more as he thought about it, "we'll get through it."

"How are you so strong, I'd be a mess... actually I'm a mess as it is just knowing something could happen to you?" Wilson said with searching eyes.

House thought about it, "I was scared to check into it, I was scared when I saw the results of the tests... but after that I was... relieved." He said looking back at James wishing he could explain it better. "I'm a doctor, illnesses don't scare me. What scares me is not being able to figure out what's wrong with someone before they die, and therefore not really even having a chance to save them." House looked away, "I probably sound crazy."

"No... you don't, I can understand that," Wilson said with a part of a smile. "You know you don't have to play the tough guy with me though, right?" He said as he let his arms wrap around Greg's small frame which reminded him of how underweight he was and scared him more. "You can... you know, let it out if your scared or afraid."

House swallowed as he was practically laying on Wilson, "There is one thing that I'm scared of," he said looking at Wilson with fear.

Wilson rubbed his hands up and down House's back, "Talk to me about it."

House bit his lip as he thought about if he should or not and decided to let James know in a round about way, "How does this diagnoses effect us?" He asked with worry.

"What do you mea..." Wilson stopped speaking as he could see the worry in House's eyes and swallowed as his eyes water again. "Oh God Greg... I'm not leaving you. I'm not Stacy, okay?" He said softly as he put his hands on Greg's hips.

"That's what she said," House said softly with unbelieving eyes.

Wilson felt a few tears fall and leaned up to give him a soft short kiss, but Greg kissed back with passion. Wilson tried to keep up and when Greg finally stopped he was desperately trying to get air and looked up to see Greg throw off his shirt.

"Have sex with me tonight," House said as he tugged at Wilson's shirt. James didn't know what to say and soon his shirt was off and House was sucking on his neck, "Please... James, please."

Wilson stopped Greg, "I can't... you just found out you have cancer. You're emotional and I can't take advantage of that."

"Please," House begged, "I love you, I want you, I NEED you." He said as he grinded his pelvis against James, but James shook his head. "Fine," House said and got off James and laid on his own side of the bed facing away from him with the cover around him

Wilson felt some tears escape him as he looked at Greg and then rolled to his side and watched him, "I'm sorry Greg. I love you to and I want to, but I need to know you've thought this through and are really ready for this. Please turn over and look at me." Greg rolled over and what Wilson saw broke his heart, there were unshod tears in his eyes. "Greg..." he said softly.

"This might be our last time!" House said between hitched breaths, "After tomorrow I'll be a patient and you wont want to touch me... or you'll probably leave me," he said as his chin shook.

"Oh no... no, Greg that wont happen," Wilson said as he put his arms around him and felt Greg's head duck between the pillow and his neck. He kissed Greg's neck, "Listen to me. As horny as I am and as much as I want to make love to you," Wilson said letting on hand rub down to his ass and pull it closer to him to help make his point, "you should know I wouldn't pass on this if it was our only shot. We will have sex someday Greg, but tonight just isn't the night."

House felt his eyes dry up some, "Really?" he asked pulling back to look James in the eye.

Wilson grabbed Greg's ass pulling it roughly against him, "I'm James Wilson, I promise if I want to have sex with someone it's going to happen sooner or later and I want you Greg."

House felt a heat run through his body as James's voice deepened when he said he wanted him. "What are you okay with tonight?" House asked and kissed on James's neck and let his hand slide to the front of James pajama bottoms and rub him.

Wilson swallowed as he tried to breath and remind himself he couldn't just take Greg right there. "Um.. lets... shit Greg," He said as he bit his lip and felt House's lips on him. "Um... oral feels good, lets stick with that." He said rolling on his back and sitting up some as he felt Greg move with him. He watched as the covers bob up and down as Greg worked him into a frenzy. He pulled the cover back to see Greg's mouth on him and had to look away before he lost it, letting one hand rub Greg's hair while the other he put on Greg's shoulder. "Slow down, I want to last more than a couple of more seconds." He felt him slow the pace down and take him deeper, "Ohhh... fuck," Wilson gasped as he closed his eyes and imagined that he was deep inside Greg's ass, he's finger digging in Greg's shoulder. Greg grabbed Wilson's balls and massaged them in his hand while one finger slide up and down his perineum. "Jesus, Greg, look at me!" Wilson managed to get out tugging his hair up, as he looked at Greg and as soon as those blue eyes were on his he was cumming and thrusting in the mans hot mouth. It wasn't until he was done that he realized something was wrong. Greg was still staring at him with wide eyes and swallowing convulsively. "Greg? Hey, you okay?" He watched as Greg sat up and looked around the room as if he was confused. "Did I hurt you?"

House's eyes met James's warm eyes which were a welcomed sight compared to the cold blue eyes he'd seen before when he looked up. "I...I'm sorry," he said as he felt scared, he wasn't sure if it was more because he'd just seen Tritter or if it was because he knew it hadn't been real.

Wilson felt cold chills run down his body because of the way Greg was acting and put a hand on his arm and was more worried when Greg jerked his arm away. "Greg look at me, and talk to me okay? Are you hurt? What's wrong?"

House looked back up at Wilson, this time keeping eye contact with him. "Tritter... he use to pull my hair like that and... he always made me look at him... when... when he..." House looked away as he wiped his mouth some.

Wilson's mouth dropped some as he felt sick, "Greg, you have to know I would never have done that if I'd known." He said wanting to touch him but afraid that might make things worse and covered himself up.

"I know," House said softly, "James... he did it." He said as he held himself at a coldness that was moving in his bone. "He said he'd make sure I always saw him when I …did that to someone and when I looked up at you... I saw him." They were both silent for several minutes. "James do you think I'm losing it?" House asked looking up at him with worry.

Wilson bit his lip some, if House had only hallucinated Tritter during that event he would feel confident saying no, but at dinner earlier that night House had heard Tritter in his head for no real reason. "We'll get your brain checked out tomorrow too, but it could just be PTSD or some symptoms of the cancer. I think what he did to you might have hurt you deeper than you've admitted to yourself."

House swallowed as he laid back down in bed and pulled the covers over him, "I guess it's good you turned me down," he said flatly.

Wilson pulled his pajama bottoms up to his waist and slipped down in the bed facing Greg and putting his arm across his abdomen, "You weren't thinking about Tritter the whole time, right?" he asked hoping he wasn't pushing too much.

"No," House said looking at James, "it wasn't until you tugged my hair."

"Well first of all, I promise to never do that again and second, I wanted to tell you that you were amazing," Wilson said rubbing House stomach.

House felt a little bit better hearing that and kissed James, "I'm glad you liked it."

Wilson kissed Greg back, "Maybe I could cheer you up by giving you a decent distraction." He said wagging his eyebrow his hand rubbed down House' body stopping at his waist band.

"What kind of distraction are we talking about here?" House said as he put his hand on Wilson's then glided it under the waist band and kissed him.

Wilson licked his lips as he rubbed the massive cock, "What are you comfortable with?"

House's pelvis jerked slightly from want, "You really think you're ready for the oral exam?" He asked looking at James.

Wilson smirked, "Well you're always telling me I have a big mouth, might as well put it to use."

House swallowed as he took his pajama bottoms off of his waist and left leg, "Don't pull them off the right leg, and turn off the lamp," he said then kissed James hard.

It took Wilson a moment to recover from the kiss and he turned off the lamp. He could see Greg's eyes on him as he pulled the covers back. He let his hand rub up and down Greg's left leg as Greg sat up some and he worked himself between the legs. Wilson had never seen that kind of want in anyone's eyes but House's; he breathed out his mouth letting the warm air hit Greg's semi-hard penis and saw it twitch some. "Let me know what feels good, okay, I've never done this before." Greg nodded and Wilson licked it.

House smiled at James's hesitation, "It's okay James, it wont bite as long as you don't." He said watching with anticipation and then he saw James hold his cock at the base and let it slide in his wet hot mouth. House grunted as he bit his lip to keep from moaning and then James shifted his weight and put a hand on House's right leg. "Ugh, move... the hand," House said with some distress in his voice and James moved his right hand up and down his shaft, "not THAT hand," he said with frustration.

Wilson looked at his left hand to find it on Greg's thigh and stopped what he was doing as he moved it to the bed beside Greg's leg, "Are you okay?"

"I think I'll live," House said mockingly, "just watch what your doing."

"Yeah," Wilson said with some embarrassment and then looked down at House mostly hard cock. "You have any tips for me," he said as he looked back at Greg.

House tried to keep the smile off his face, "Well despite the name, there is no blowing involved and to be honest there doesn't need to be a ton of sucking, just every now and then on the head."

"Like this?" Wilson asked as he make sure that Greg's foreskin was pulled back before putting the head in his mouth and sucking on it while watching Greg. House fought the urge to groan but his mouth hung open more as he breathed heavier, "most of the time you should just be trying to slide it in and out while keeping decent pressure on it." His breath hitched as James demonstrated what he'd just said. "You... mmm, you should try... to take as...much in a you can...yes.. that's good," House said looking in James eyes.

Wilson could see Greg's were dilated his breathing was pants with little hitched breaths in between, but beyond the lust there was some insecurity and love in Greg's blue eyes. This wasn't something that Greg just let anyone do, this was private, this was intimate and a moment to be treasured. Wilson let go of Greg's penis since he was taking more in he didn't need to hold it and reached up playing with Greg's nipples.

House grunted and cupped his own balls as he watched James eyes. His fingers were working their magic on his sensitive testicles and then he brought his hand to his mouth and licked his middle finger then slipped his hand under his leg and at his opening. His cheeks blushed as a straggled moan escaped as he fingered himself.

Wilson felt something moving under him and Greg and twisted his head on Houses dick so he could seen and was intrigued to see Greg was fingering himself. He looked back in the mostly black eyes of Greg as his mouth hung wide open.

"Stop," House gasped and James did looking confused, "kiss me?" he asked softly.

Wilson smiled at the request and sat up and kissed him passionately but was surprised when Greg slowed down the pace of the kiss. Wilson opened his eyes slightly looking down to see that Greg was still fingering himself. When the soft long kiss was done he looked at Greg, "So I take that I'm doing a good job?" He said as he stroked Greg's dick some.

"I love you James," House said seriously as he looked in Jame's eyes.

Wilson could feel the emotion behind Greg's words and swallowed, "I know, I love you too Greg."

House nodded, "You're everything I hoped for and more," he said tenderly and James smiled as he started to move back in position but was stopped by House. "You know you don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said quickly and continued before James could respond. "I just need to know you're doing this because you want to and not because you feel pressured or threatened.. not that I threatened you but it's just you don't have to you know. I mean I would completely understand if you didn't want to or if this was moving to fast or if you felt awkward or used or ..."

Wilson kissed Greg softly and ended the rant. "Greg it's okay, I want to do this. You have never been forceful sexually and you aren't doing to me what _they_ did to you, and I really love seeing how turned on I can get you. Now," he said softer, "I want to continue and get you so hot and worked up that you have a great orgasm, but... Greg if you're not comfortable with this, if you're just doing it for me, then I can stop."

House swallowed and nodded, "No, I'm ready for this, you can continue. You mind passing me the lube?" He asked not quite meet James's eyes.

Wilson grabbed the lube and Greg put his middle finger out, "I could handle that for you," he said looking Greg in the eyes.

House felt his face get hot, "No... I.. I've got it," he said looking away.

Wilson wanted to tell him that he didn't have anything to be embarrassed about but glanced down to see that Greg was already wilting slightly and didn't want to delay the man his climax anymore than had already be done. He put three drops on the finger and then two at the man's opening. He put the lube back and started back to work. It took ten minutes to get Greg back to where he had been before the interruption, mouth hanging, dark eyes and panting. Wilson pinched Greg's left nipple hard and the man thrust deeper in his mouth which made Wilson moan around the large dick while still watching Greg. Greg grabbed his right nipple pinching it hard and pulling on it as he gently thrust some in Wilson's hot mouth which Wilson rewarded with soft moaning.

House's eyes were glued on Jame's dark eyes. He licked his lips as rubbed his prostate softly wishing more than anything it was James's hard cock inside him which caused him to bite his lip as he patted on it hard, trying his best to replicated how it would feel. "Aahhhhgg, shit... James move... I'm going... to ohhh...cum," he struggled to finally get out but looked through watery eyes to see James not moving. "Dammit James... move," House said but James moaned and sucked on his dick at the same time and House felt his muscles tension up as he started to loose all control his finger flicking his prostate irratically and tears rolled down his eyes at the power of the orgasm, "Jaaammes... fuck... fuck you.. Jaames," he hissed.

Wilson felt something shoot to the back of his throat and started to choke when he remembered to breath through his nose and swallow, and barely gagged before he got the hang of it. He looked up at Greg who was still cumming to see the tears running down the mans cheek as his wide dark eyes stayed on his. He sucked the man completely dry and then let the cock fall from his mouth. "Next time I'm making you eat some strawberries first," Wilson said with a smirk.

House was speechless as his brain kept thinking about what he'd done. He ejaculated in James's mouth, of course James had ejaculated in his mouth too, but he was a used up whore it wasn't anything new to him. He felt warm and his cheeks were still a little wet from the tears. Why would a good man like James want to do that for him? His seaman was bitter because of the pills, it didn't taste as good as James and he wasn't pretty like James. He felt a sharp pain in his stomach as he looked at him. "Why would you do that?" he asked.

Wilson looked at him confused, "You did it for me and I wanted to taste you. It was fine, you just need to eat more sweets," he joked.

"But you're not a whore," House said with a bitterness in his voice as he felt the nausea start to pull at him and swallowed some.

Wilson blinked at the remark, "No.. I'm not and neither are you," he said with concern as he saw Greg grimace. "Hey look at me," he said with earnest and waited till blue eyes were on his to continue, "you're not a whore, you listening to me?"

House frowned as his thoughts went to what was carved in the small of his back, "I love you, but you shouldn't love me."

"Why would you say that?" Wilson said with hurt.

House wished this could be true, that James really did love him and wanted them to share each other completely but James couldn't really love him, no one could. He thought about the position he'd put James in, the only reason he was staying, the only reason he let House cum inside him was because of the cancer. He looked away, "Just go, alright! Run while you can, I wont stop you. I wont guilt you into staying with me because I have cancer. Just go!"

Wilson turned Greg's face so that they were face to face. "I'm not staying because of the cancer you idiot, I'm staying because I love you. What about that don't you get?! I love you!"

House felt the nausea grow and looked at the bathroom, "I need to go to the bathroom," he said as he moved to the edge of the bed but stopped as he felt James grab his arm.

"This is serious, I need you to talk to me about this," Wilson said searching Greg's eyes.

"I'm not going to jump out the window and run away, first there is no window and second I can barely stand long enough to get the wheelchair. Now will you let me go to the restroom?" House said without amusement in his voice.

Wilson frown, "You really got to go that bad RIGHT now? You can't hold it?"

"No, now let go of me," House said with frustration then James let go and he quickly got in the restroom, locking the door behind him and emptied his stomach. When he was done he rinsed his mouth out and opened the door to see James sitting up against the headboard of the bed with the lamp on with his arms crossed across his chest. House sighed he was in pain, tired, and that damn lamp was on and he didn't have his shirt on. "Turn off the lamp," he said as not rolling out of the bathroom doorway.

"I want to be able to see you clearly when we're talking, so the lamp stays on," Wilson said not budging.

House knew that this talk was going to be one of small battles and the lamp wasn't a fight worth having, "Can you toss me my shirt at least?"

Wilson frowned, "Yeah," he said softly and tossed to Greg and watched from a far as he put it on. He hated how Greg felt he had to hide his body all the time, but that was a BIG issue that they would have to talk more about and work on later. "Now come on and get in the bed." Greg rolled over to it and crawled up slowly as he grimaced from the pain in his leg which didn't go unnoticed by him. "Take some of your pills if you're in pain."

House shook his head, "I'll get them later."

"Where are they?" Wilson asked as he got out of the bed.

"Living room, on the piano," House said and watched as James left and returned with them in seconds and promptly handed him two with a bottle of water. He took them giving James a grateful look.

Wilson also handed him a small package of crackers, "You need to remember to eat with those thing," he said lightly scolding as he watched Greg trying to eat the crackers without getting crumbs in the bed. He walked back over to his side getting in the bed and waiting for Greg to get done eating. "I need you to accept that I love you."

House thought about that some, "That's asking a lot for a man that only accepts what is proven. There's no way to prove your love."

"I trust you when you tell me that you love me, sometimes you just have to put some faith in people," Wilson said put a hand on Greg's arm.

"Every other day since we started dating, which hasn't been that long, you've tried to get out of this relationship. You've fucked you're ex-wife and kissed another man; and yet you expect me to forget all of that and just take your word on it?" House asked flatly and sighed, "There is nothing I want more than to believe that you love me, but that's not easy for me to do."

Wilson looked at Greg with confusion, "How do you know what I did with the guy? I never told you, you said you didn't want to know."

"I was in Cuddy's office this morning," House said watching James closely.

Wilson still looked confused for just a moment before all the pieces seemed to connect. "Damn, she's a good liar. So you were the patient she bumped my patient for." Greg nodded and then something else popped in his head. He'd asked Cuddy if she thought he should dump Greg.

"It's amazing what all you can learn when people don't think you're listening, like the only reason you invited me to your families for Chanukah was because I looked... what was the word, pathetic? You know I could swear you told me that you're family wanted to meet me because you were always telling them stories about me." House looked away some, "I can't say I'm surprised they hate me, why not, everyone else does. The fact you were contemplating dumping me again before you even knew if were still were together didn't even shock me, the reason did though. I've been friends with you for most a decade and you've never mentioned children until the night I asked you to move in. I guess I'm not the only one good at keeping secrets around here," he said looking at James.

Wilson looked between frustrated and embarrassed. "Sorry I allowed myself to indulge in a completely human emotion called sympathy and let it be part of the reason I invited you to my parents for the holidays but it wasn't the only reason. Julie and me were having problems and my mother can be overbearing at times so I was using you a buffer for that."

"I can see the mother thing, but you're more of an idiot then I thought if you really thought me going with Julie and you for the holidays at your parents house would help things between you and her." House said with a slightly amused smile.

Wilson shrugged, "I thought she would get frustrated at you and I'd get to hear her bitch about you instead of me, but lucky me got to hear her bitch about both."

"So, is that what you two did last night? Bitch about me and then you got to bang the bitch?" House asked flatly, but when he saw the guilt in James's eyes he didn't need to hear the answer to know what it was.

"Don't call her that," Wilson said not amused, "and you act like it's easy for me to trust you. I've been your best friend for almost ten years and in the last month I've learned more about you then I did during all that time. You kept how you felt about me a secret, your past life as a Marine, the rapes, and your relationship with your family. I'm sure there are still things you haven't told me."

"There are," House said with out hesitation, "and I've learned things about you, like what your sex face looks like and that you can throw one hell of a right hook when you want to." He said with a smile that faded when he saw the unsettled look on James, "that was meant to be a joke."

"It wasn't funny when it happened and it's not funny now. You even hid cancer from me and yet how would you feel if I held all of that against you and refused to believe you when you tell me how much you love me?" Wilson asked seriously.

House sighed, "Fine, I believe you. Now can we go to bed, tomorrow is going to be a big day."

"You don't mean that, you're just trying to get me to shut up and let you go to bed," Wilson said watching Greg.

"Sorry I'm tired, today was kind of a big day finding out I have cancer, that you slept with your ex-wife and that I might be loosing my mind. How inconsiderate of me, not to want to sit up all night talking to you and trying to make you feel better about walking out every chance you get and fucking around on me." House said loudly with frustration and when he saw hurt in James's eyes he sighed, "I'm sorry," he said putting a hand on James's shoulder, "I'm fine with it, I mean it's rational if I not giving you what you need, but it still stings some and I know I'm lucky you've stayed with me this long." He said looking in James's warm brown eyes. "Between my trust issues and inability to understand how anyone could love me and our fights and your indiscretions I don't know what to trust. But if you say you love me, then I'll believe you okay."

Wilson nodded, "I can understand that. This last week has been a little nuts but the one thing I'm absolutely sure about, is that I love you Greg."

House cuddled up to James some, "I know you do and I love you too. James how do you do this? How can you handle all these emotions all the time, I just... feel so raw inside."

Wilson held him tight, "Years of practice, but I still feel that way at times too. It's okay, you're okay, you're actually doing pretty good."

House looked at him and kissed him deeply then snuggled up to him, "I'm tired," he yawned in the crevice of James neck and soft hair.

Wilson smiled, "I know, we should get some sleep," he said softly and within minutes Greg was snoring while laying on at least half of him and he took comfort in their closeness. "You can't die, not yet. I'm going to hold you to your promise on that, you hear me?" Wilson whispered and smiled as Greg just continued to snore.

**Hope ya'll all like the Chapter and please remember to review. There are a couple of things I was a bit worried about in this chapter, like Wilson's response to the news and if it felt real. I would also like to know what people think are some problems/issues that could come from Wilson trying to play both sides of the fence as House's doctor and lover at the same time. Thank all of you so much for the time you have invested in reading this and for your passionate opinions, I'm very grateful to have such a loyal and honest readers. Also I wanted to let everyone know that I have been honored to have a Medical Beta reader approach me and offer to help me as far as that goes so everyone please welcome Visitkarte into your hearts as you have me and my stories. Thank you so much.**


	29. Chapter 29: Nightmare on House St

__**I've got some great news! I have a beta reader to help with the editing! I want to say thank you to Bakerstreet Blues for being so kind to help me edit my work and also a huge thanks to Visitkarte for helping me find out more about this cancer... I know I asked a lot of questions, but seriously thank you for your help. This chapter wouldn't be possible without them. Also there is a lot going on in this chapter, please let me know if you thing Wilson will continue to be House's doctor and for how long, let me know what you think Cuddy will say about the gun. Thanks everyone and now have fun reading my new chapter!**

Dear Guest,**  
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Yes, House is truly hurt on so many levels in this story and Wilson is having a hard time understanding. He is use to having more physical relationships with emotions that don't run as deep. So finally experiencing this huge waves of emotion and feeling the need to substan from expressing it physically is really hard for him. Along with the guilt that keeps getting heavier on his shoulders, from hurting House when he was clueless he was doing it to seeing House beg him to progress their relationship and rejecting him because of House's own well being. House is of course suffering so much on levels Wilson isn't even aware of yet. Speaking of nightmare... the next chapter really fits.

Thank you for the review,

Nicole

_Wilson looked down the corridor of PPTH, it was deadly silent and no one was there but him. It was dark except for a light coming out of a open door a the end of the hallway. He walked slowly looking around to see no one in sight and the rest of the rooms vacant. The closer he got the worse he felt and the brighter the light seemed to become. He looked at the doorway seeing nothing but blinding light and with a sense of dread he walked through the doorway. The light slowly subsided to see Greg in a hospital bed he reached out to see if he was sleeping or dead, but suddenly there were bars between him and his lover. _

_Cuddy walked in dressed in her doctors coat looking at a file then gave House a sad look. "There's nothing more we can do for him," she said looking over to a dark shadow of a man in the corner of the room which he'd just noticed._

"_There was nothing you could have done for him in the first place. I told you that, I will take him now," The shadow man said with a deep voice._

_Cuddy frowned, "He's not dead yet, you will have to wait you're turn."_

_The figure walked more into the light and it was a man in a dark hooded cloak. "I will take him, he owes me! He saved those who were promised to me, so now I will take him early."_

"_What will you do with him until he dies?" Cuddy asked frightened._

"_That's not your concern, now leave us," Death bellowed as he walked over to House and looked down at him. Cuddy walked out hugging the file through the door he'd come in through and the black hooded figure spoke, "You have messed with my plans too many times Dr. House and now it is my turn to make you pay for what you've done."_

_Greg opened his eyes, "Fuck you," he said and spit on the black robe_

_Death hit him hard in the face. Wilson yelled as he held on to the bars but it was as if no one could hear him and as the dark figure walked back into the shadows he noticed some blood on Greg's face and that the man was out cold. _

_The light was suddenly off and all was dark again. He couldn't see anything. _

"_Where's the money?" Death's voice rang in the silence and Wilson looked toward the sound and his eyes adjusted to the darkness enough to see him._

"_I'm not paying until I see him clearly," said a familiar voice that had a smoothness to it._

_Dim lights came on and only six feet from Wilson he saw a bloody and bruised man laying naked on the ground. He was surprised as he saw the back rise and fall meaning that this person was alive, then he noticed the leather collar on the man with a metal chain that let to Death's hand. _

_The other man walked over to the beaten man._

_Wilson felt his heart jump as he saw Tritter, "NO! GET AWAY FROM HIM!" he yelled as he saw Tritter bend down and let a hand rub up the mans back and then he pulled the mans hair to face him._

"_Hello House, this is going to be fun, don't you think?" Tritter said and then stood back up, letting the mans face fall._

_Greg's face fell and turned so that it was facing Wilson. Wilson could see the pain in it. It was the kind of pain he'd seen in terminal cancer patients, after all treatments had failed and the patient was left to slowly die in a pain no medication could really help. "Greg, come here. Please." Wilson pleaded._

"_So, how long should he be good for?" Tritter asked._

_The black hooded figure shrugged, "The doctors said he should live like this for another week or so, but even when he's dead the body won't go bad for a day or two and if you keep it cold you could even get longer out of it. Death is hard to predict." _

_Tritter smiled at the thought, "There is no changing your mind on this. You do understand that right. Once I take him I keep him, I'll contact you when he's ready to be buried."_

"_Put in another ten grand and you can keep him forever," Death said looking at Greg._

_Tritter looked at Greg too, "Are you allowed to do that? Doesn't he have to go to one of the two destinations?"_

"_No, he's a true Atheist, he doesn't believe in God nor the Devil and neither of them want people who don't believe in them. And as far as the meat, he doesn't really have any family that wants him or friends. He won't be missed," the dark figure explained._

_Tritter pretended to be disinterested but Wilson could see Tritter's hard on as he licked his lips. "Fine, if you don't want him I'll keep him, but not for more money. I'll be saving you the trouble by keeping him."_

_Death didn't budge, "Nope, you want to keep him it'll cost you, also something is worth what someone is willing to pay, not what you value it at. If that were the case he'd be worthless."_

_Tritter nodded, "You're a good business man. Here is the fifty thousand I promised and," he reached in his pocket and counted out ten thousand dollar bills and handed them over, "I'll keep him."_

"_I figured you might," the hooded figure said and looked over to Greg. "Mind if I say good-bye?"_

_Tritter shrugged, "Sure."_

_Death walked back over to Greg and bent down, "At least I made some money off your ass. You always said that once someone died that was the end, that it doesn't matter what happens to their body, if their buried, burned or donated to science. So how does that theory hold up to knowing that he's going to keep your body and fuck it whenever he wants?" he said and then laughed, "I guess I win," Death said and stood up then kicked him while walking away. His hood slid of some and Wilson recognized it was John House._

_House whimpered from the kick and Tritter walked over while rubbing himself through the pants, "You hear that House? I own you, from now until eternity."_

"_Help me," House said looking at Wilson._

"_Greg!" Wilson yelled as he saw him close his eyes and looked up to see Tritter already had his pants down and was stroking himself. "STOP! NO! Please... please don't." he said brokenly and suddenly it was dark again but he could hear Tritter grunting and laughing as House whimpered and groaned from pain._

"_Please James... stop him," Greg begged._

_Wilson put his arm between the bars and tried to reach out hoping to feel Greg's hand in the darkness but it was useless. "Stop hurting him!" he yelled as the sounds got louder and seemed to becoming from every direction and Greg's cries became more distressed and then it was silent all but his own cries to keep him company. A dim light grew and Wilson threw up as he saw that Tritter was zipping back up his pants with a smile as he looked at Wilson and then kicked House in his damaged thigh. "Stop... please.. oh God, make it stop!" He yelled as he heard Greg scream. _

_He closed his eyes and prayed it was over, but what he saw when he opened his eyes made him fall to the ground. Tritter was smiling down at a very blue, unmoving House. Wilson watched as Tritter taped his eyes open and unzipped his pants. Wilson closed his eyes screaming like he never had before when he felt something grab him and opened his eyes._

House grabbed James's shoulder and shook it hard as he said his name. He watched as James's eyes popped open, "Hey, you okay?"

Wilson pulled Greg to him as he felt some tears escape. Feeling the warmth from Greg's body comforted him like nothing else could. "You're alright, oh God... I missed you so much."

House looked confused as he was getting squeezed to death, "I've been here the whole time."

"There was nothing I could do in my dream, they were... hurting you and I could see it but I couldn't stop it," Wilson said and squeezed Greg tighter.

House was struggling to breath some as tight as James had a hold of him. "Hey, it's okay. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

"You... died, in the dream you died," Wilson said as some more tears fell.

House's heart melted for his James. "It was just a bad dream babe, I'm fine," He said softly and kissed James softly on the lips. "There is nothing to be scared about, I can't die, remember? I made you a promise that I wouldn't."

Wilson nodded some, "But what if you do?"

House frowned as he looked in the brown worried eyes, "If I die, just remember one thing. I will always love you and be there for you."

"I thought you didn't believe in spirits, that after someone died that was it?" Wilson asked surprised.

"I don't, but you do," House said and kissed his cheek. "You ready to try sleeping again, it's only two in the morning."

Wilson didn't really feel like he would be able to get to sleep but he knew he needed to try, tomorrow he'd be treating Greg and he needed to be his best for it. "That dream... it just really got to me," Wilson said as he tried to make himself comfortable.

House knew what it was like to not be able to get to sleep and laid on his side facing James, and hummed the intro to Dust in the wind, "I close my eyes... only for a moment and the moments gone,"

"Are you trying to sing me to sleep?" Wilson asked with a smile.

"Yes Captain Obvious, now are you going to shut up and let me finish or should I just stop?" House said a little challenging and when Wilson didn't say anything he smiled, "Good boy. Now I have to start over," he said and started humming the intro again. He sang the song three times before he felt James completely relax in his arms and then he fell asleep holding him.

It was five minutes after four when Wilson woke up again, this time it wasn't from a bad dream but his mind was racing about the day a head and Greg's cancer. He laid in bed for a little bit just watch him sleep and trying to take reassurance in the fact that he had him there at the moment and that Greg was literally one of the strongest people he knew. He noticed the sweat on Houses face and wiped some of it off which only increased his worry now that he saw the night sweats. He got out of bed silently and started on breakfast. He made some oatmeal with a fruit and yogurt parfait, then walked into the bedroom to get his clothes so he could take a bath without disturbing Greg when he noticed the man was awake and watching him. "I was just about to take a shower, you need to use the restroom first?"

"No, you go ahead," House said as he stretched some.

"Well there is breakfast in the kitchen, you should get some while it's hot." Wilson said with a warm smile.

"You're up earlier than usual," House stated sitting on the edge of the bed while giving James a slightly worried look.

Wilson sighed, "Yeah, I guess I'm anxious some, but I'm sure everything will turn out fine."

"Come here," House said as he moved his legs a part and patted the space between them for James to sit. James sat on the edge of the bed and House rubbed his shoulders. "We're doctors, we both know that all we can do is treat and see what happens. Worrying won't make anything better, it's just going to make things harder on you." He said a he rubbed the knots out of Wilson's shoulder and neck. "I know you will do the best you can and if this is too much James, you don't have to do it," He said.

"I want to be your doctor, Greg and I know you're right about the worrying. I'll take a hot shower and maybe that will calm me down some," Wilson said as he got up, "Thanks for the back rub and for being so sweet lately."

House grimaced at the idea of being called 'sweet', "You're going to ruin my reputation spreading such lies."

Wilson smiled some as he leaned down and gave Greg a kiss, "Who are you afraid is going to overhear, the furniture?" He saw Greg roll his eyes then look at the wheelchair. Wilson pushed it closer to the bed, "You need help?" He asked a casually as he could.

"I can make it," House said not really looking back at him.

Wilson bit his lip as he looked at the wheelchair and then at Greg who had a determined look in his face. "I know you don't like letting people help you, but being stubborn and refusing help when you need it is only going to hinder you and cause you more grief while trying to fight cancer." He said and saw House look back at the wheelchair with more thought. "I'll ask again, do you need me to help you get in the wheelchair?"

House let out a heavy sigh, "I'm not going to be able to do physical therapy to help gain muscle back on my leg while I'm fighting this, am I."

Wilson swallowed as he looked at the wheelchair, "If it's bad... then probably not," he answered truthfully with a soft voice.

"I'll probably lose more weight," House said staring a hole through the wheelchair with a jutted jaw.

"We'll try our best to make sure that doesn't happen, but... yes, you could lose more weight," Wilson said looking at Greg.

House looked back at James, "I wanted to surprise you, but... I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I'd been walking some with the crutches the last three days." He looked back at the wheelchair with a deep frown, "I thought... this wheelchair thing might be just short term, but it isn't going to be. I might not ever walk again."

Wilson sat down slowly beside Greg and watched him as he tried to come up with the right words to say. "The cancer needs to be first priority but after you get through that then we'll both work our butts off trying to get that muscle back." He said with a warm smile but Greg didn't even look back at him, he just kept staring at the wheelchair with a look of despair. "Do you think you couldn't live a life worth living if you can't walk?" Wilson asked.

House looked over at James with some bitterness, "I just thought this was behind me. I got to the cane after the infarction, and I was working on the crutches before the cancer was confirmed, but it just seems like the universe is against me walking. It's not that life isn't worth living without it, it's just I don't want to have to live without being able walk, no one does, but shit happens right," he said coldly.

Wilson was stunned silent by the raw emotion he could hear in the roughness of House's voice. He couldn't see why this was effecting Greg so hard, he had cancer that he'd admitted was bad and yet he was worried about this? What was the big difference between a cane and a wheelchair, especially when your life might already be in jeopardy? "I'm not stupid enough to patronize you. Yes, there is a chance you might not walk again, but we have bigger things to worry about than that. You need to be focusing on the cancer, not walking right now."

"You don't care if I ever walk again, you never have!" House yelled with spite.

Wilson pulled back as he felt little pieces of Greg's spit hit him and the tension was thick in the room. Greg was pissed beyond any reason that Wilson could see. "Opposed to you thinking that it was everything? No, I don't think it's been worth the pain you've suffered or the addiction to pain killers. The pain changed you so much Greg... don't you see that? You're pain makes you push people away harder than you ever did before, it makes you angry and depressed; and it isn't like you even got full function back! How can limping around in so much pain be worth what it's cost you?" Wilson asked desperately wanting to know the answer to the question he'd never dared to ask.

House's teeth showed as he took some deep breaths to calm himself from Wilson's stupidity. "They all targeted me! Why do you think that was, my fucking smile?! They targeted me because I was a cripple, an easy mark! What will happen when I'm in a fucking WHEELCHAIR!"

Wilson's frustration and anger vanished as he reached out to Greg but he pulled back.

"At least with the cane I could use it a weapon, but... in a wheelchair I'm defenseless. My legs will atrophy and be useless to help me in any way." House mumbled and swallowed hard.

"Greg that won't happen again, I'm here for you. I won't let it happen," Wilson said trying his best not to let his sympathy be seen.

"You were suppose to be there then. I tried calling you after Vogler first attacked me but you didn't answer. I called six or seven times. Tritter had been beating the crap out of me and screwing me literally for months... MONTHS before you even stopped by," House said brokenly with defeat in his voice. "He's a cop... if a cop could do what he did, anyone could."

Wilson knew the rapes had effected House in many ways, but he didn't realize how fearful it had made him, because until now Greg had never shown that. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Greg, and I will always be sorry for that, but I'm here now and that isn't going to change. If you don't feel safe... then I'll talk to Cuddy about allowing you to carry a weapon, maybe a gun or knife."

House looked up at Wilson with less fear and worry, "You think she'd let me?"

Wilson held his hand, "Lets just say she's going to have a hell of a fight on her hands if she doesn't. You were shot in your office, and security hasn't gotten any better. You have a right to be able to defend yourself and I'm going to make sure that happens, one way or another." He said giving Greg's hand a squeeze.

House had never even thought about asking Cuddy to let him carry a gun, but then again until recently he'd never imagined a day that he would tell her what had happened to him either. "Alright, alright," he said shaking his hand free of Wilson, "I'm hungry and you still need to take a shower. That's enough hand holding for the moment."

Wilson smiled some, "You're still an ass," he said not meaning it for a minute.

"And don't you forget it," House said and got in the wheelchair then left for the kitchen without looking back.

111111111111

It was a little past six when House and Wilson pulled up to the the Hospital. Wilson looked over at House, "Well, we're here."

House nodded as he got out of the car and held on to the door, and James quickly got out his wheelchair from the trunk and brought it to him. House rolled in with James in tow behind him, "Cuddy has the scans and results," he said as he made his way to her office.

Wilson knocked before Greg could just throw the door open like he always loved to do. When the door opened Cuddy gave him a sympathetic and guilty look and Wilson hadn't realized exactly how angry he was at her until that very moment. "Did you have a good visit with your Mom yesterday," he said harshly.

Cuddy hung her head some, "James, I hated lying to you, but I was acting as his doctor and if he didn't want you to know then I couldn't tell you. You know that," she said as she moved out of the way for them to come in.

House looked up at her as he rolled in, "You don't have anything to apologize for, you were just doing your job. He knows that."

Cuddy looked to Wilson who was walking in while glaring at her and she had a feeling that James hadn't quite seen it the same way as House did. She quickly closed the door and walked over to her couch and took down a picture then opened a safe that was in the wall behind it and got out a file that she immediately handed to Wilson. "This is everything we got yesterday," she said meeting his dark eyes with her light blue ones.

Wilson looked down at the file in his heads and knew nothing would be completely the same after he opened it. He looked down at House who was watching him, "You want to look through this with me?" he asked.

"No," House said flatly, "I must have read the whole thing cover to cover six times yesterday."

Wilson took a deep breath and opened it, to see a torso scan that had four dark spots on it. One the side under the arm, one on his chest by the sternum, one in the abdomen pressing on the stomach and one on the liver. What was even more unsettling is that these scans didn't show everything that could be effected. The CT scan behind it didn't show anything more than the first so he looked at the biopsy results and from the looks of it House was right so far. He went on to the CBC report and saw what he'd been looking for ,the LDH levels were extremely elevated which made his mind go to Burkitt Lymphoma. "I need to get you a PET scan of your neck and pelvis region and biopsy the tumors we can see on the scan to make sure that is in fact what they all are. It's looking like Burkitt Lymphoma at the moment. I know it can sound scary and it is, but there have been treatments tha..."

"James, it's me, you don't have to give the spill of what it is or what the treatments for it are," House said as he watch James looking at the file.

Wilson looked at House and he felt himself wanting to crumble and take comfort in his arms but he couldn't. He was suppose to be the strong one here, he was the doctor and Greg was the patient. "I'm sorry, I was treating you like a patient because I was under the idea that you wanted me to be your doctor." He said and the looked back at the file, because it was killing him to look at Greg. "If you want me to just be a consult then I'll treat you like a doctor, otherwise let me do my job."

Both Cuddy and House were surprised by Wilson's response. Cuddy looked to House who was looking at James with a worried expression, "I was just trying.."

"I know what you were doing. You are trying to be the doctor and right now I need you to just be the patient and leave the doctoring to me alright," Wilson said still looking at the file and trying to stay in doctor mode by pretending that this was any other patient.

House waited for James to look him in the eye, but he wouldn't even glance in his direction, which some how hurt him more than he cared to admit. "Yeah," he said and looked away from James.

"Good, I'll go ahead and schedule the other PET scans and get a OR room to do the biopsy's in, and I'd like to get a Lumbar Puncture in today too." Wilson said focusing on the file.

"Don't you think that's a little much for his first day?" Cuddy said finally speaking up.

Wilson looked at her with the same sympathetic look he'd give any his patients friends or family members. "If it's Burkitt Lymphoma then the faster we confirm the diagnoses and start treatment the better. The good thing is that it's curable, but... it's fast, really fast, so the sooner we get the tests run the better. I'll go and set everything up," Wilson said and with that he left Cuddy's office.

Cuddy couldn't believe that he was just leaving House in her office but when she looked back at House he was just looking at the floor. She couldn't believe that he was treating him like this and decided if House wasn't going to say something then she would. She left her office and saw him getting on the elevator. She ran up and put her hand in just in time to get the door to open back up and got in. "You can't just leave him in my office, he isn't a dog," Cuddy said with irritation.

"If you don't want him in you're office all you have to do is tell him to get out. He can go to his office or sit in the lobby if he's in your way," Wilson said with an edge in his voice as he tried to stay in control of his emotions just a little longer.

"This isn't about him being in my HAIR, it's about him needing you and you abandoning him!" Cuddy said with contempt.

"Seriously Lisa just shut the hell up! Don't act like you don't know how, because you didn't seem to have a problem keeping quiet yesterday, about the cancer or stopping me from saying all that stuff in your office." Wilson said with emotion and as soon as the doors opened he was out and going to his office with Cuddy following.

Cuddy shut the door behind them, "You can't run away from him now! You saw what it did to him when Stacy left after the infarction, it devastated him. He needs to feel supported."

"And what the hell do you think I'm doing? Have you even looked at this," he said with his chin shaking as he threw the file at her and it spilled. "It's fucking everywhere! And it is a hard cancer to treat, that requires constant monitoring and being both cautious yet aggressive! Only 35% of patients at his stage get cured the others... either the cancer gets them or the doctor does by over or under dosing them and I can't be the one who kills him Lisa, I CAN'T be." He said as he fell into the couch. "You think that I enjoyed being cold with him or that I wouldn't like to look him in the eyes? I want to but when I do I get scared and emotional and all I want to do is hold him and have him tell me it's all going to be okay, but that's not what he needs. He needs me to be his doctor right now, he needs me to be the strong one and I can't do that while looking him in the eyes and telling him could very easily die!"

Cuddy sighed, "But Wilson you aren't treating him like any other patient. I've seen you with patients you look them in the eye, your warm and kind."

"You don't get it, I know I've made a fool out of myself. I know I've made more than the normal share of mistakes but I love him more that I've ever loved someone Lisa. Last night after he told me I was making him promise he wouldn't die, and I had a nightmare that he did and you let death take him but death was his father and sold him to Tritter and I could hear him screaming and... Never mind, the point is that he woke me up and kissed me and when I couldn't get back to sleep he sang to me until I could. I don't even see House when I look at him anymore, all I see is Greg, the man I love so much it scares me and then... then I come in this morning and see that," Wilson said pointing at the papers on the floor.

Cuddy felt for him, but House was the one who got diagnosed with cancer. He was the one whose life hung in the balance and had already been through hell. "You know what I'm hearing? I'm hearing all about you. YOU can't be the one the kills him, this is a hard cancer for YOU to treat, YOU can't handle telling him he might die, YOU'RE scared, YOU love him, YOU see him as Greg. What I'm not hearing is any thought about how he has to be feeling, how it must feel for him to see you as James while you talk to him without emotion or avoid looking him in the eyes. This isn't just about you James, it isn't even mainly about you."

Wilson sighed, "I know. He NEEDS me to be the best doctor I can be right now and to do that I am having to pull back from him when I'm treating him, but that doesn't mean I'm leaving or abandoning him. When we're home I'll do my part, I'll hold him and show him how I feel but here... it could put his treatment at risk and that's not something I can allow." He said and swallowed as he looked up at her with despair in his eyes, "But you're right, he does need a support, he needs a friend. Someone who understands the medical jargon and understands him. Someone that knows about his history, and our relationship. Right now the person he needs holding his hand isn't me, it's you Lisa. I know it's a lot to ask, but it's what he needs. I was his best friend for a long time, and it was more than buying his lunches and telling jokes. It was like a dance, having to discover when to push and when to give him space, learning to read behind the lines of his encrypted messages and trying to save him from his own depression." Wilson shrugged some, "Not that I always could. I wasn't perfect at any of those things but I tried, because he was worth it. Is worth it. You're already doing better than I ever did."

"Okay, I'll be his support but I swear if you end up bailing on him during this..." Cuddy said but was interrupted.

"I know... believe me I know. You're a really great friend to him Lisa, it's kind of hard to watch how good you are. It's like going back to a place and seeing your replacement, you kind of hope that the place misses you and that the replacement was good, but not as good as you were. Instead I look at you with him and wish I could have been that good with him when we were just friends. I'm happy for him of course, but you know you could make a mistake every so often, so you don't just make me look like a horrible friend." Wilson said with watery eyes and half a sad smile

Cuddy swallowed as she could see that it truly did hurt him to see that House and her had become so close in such a short period of time, when before he never had to share him with anyone. "Maybe later, right now he needs me to be at my best for him," she said and started to leave but stopped one step from the door, "and you weren't that bad." Cuddy said looking over her shoulder at him, "Remember the only reason he's talking to me about what happened is because you pushed until he finally opened up about it. If you hadn't done what you did, if you hadn't forced him to tell you, then Tritter would still be hurting him and we might not even have found out about the cancer until he was dead." She saw some hope in his eyes and gave a small smile, "I should check on my friend," she said and left.


	30. Chapter 30: Hiding Scars

_Dear Tes,_

_Yes, I see what you mean about Doctors treating their loved one, but let me ask you something. How many doctors do you think would be lining up to treat the stubborn, brilliant, and demanding doctor that House is. The way other doctors treated him in the show was with resentment and that was when he was a consult. I can't think of many who would want to take his case on, not to mention doctors who could stand up to House if he wanted them to do something that they thing would be too dangerous. He is an intimidating character. Also I believe that House would have a problem being comfortable with another doctor, with Wilson he still has trouble, but with a stranger it would be worse. He would be able to show pain as much or vulnerability. Still, we don't know what will happen._

_Thanks for reading and for voicing you opinions,_

_Nicole _

Cuddy walked in her office to see House laid up on her couch reading a magazine. "Well, I'm glad you made yourself at home," she teased.

"Sure thing roomy," House said as he continued to pretend to be absorbed in the magazine.

Cuddy watched him as she sat down at her desk, she was looking for any sign that he wasn't okay with what had just happened. He looked fine but she still was pretty sure he was just putting up a facade, since he was so good at that.

House kept his eyes on the magazine in hopes that Cuddy wouldn't say anything about how Wilson had acted.

Cuddy sighed and started on her paper work, if House wasn't ready to talk about it then she wasn't going to force it.

"_He hate's you,"_ said a familiar deep gruff voice, that sounded strangely happy.

"_No he doesn't! Now, go away!"_ House said in his head back to the voice.

"_He hates you just like everyone else does. Like your family, like your fellows, like Cuddy even does." _The voice rang.

House glanced at Cuddy with doubt and then shook his head looking back at the magazine. _"My fellows don't hate me and neither does Cuddy or James. He loves me, he told me so."_

"_Oh well, I didn't know he'd told you so. I mean people don't ever lie, especially to their cancer ridden friends when they are acting like a desperate whore! You're so pathetic, offering yourself up like you did last night. And even then he said NO!"_ The voice yelled and then laughed as if it knew that House was blushing out of shame. _"He said no because he doesn't want you Greg. No one ever has. Stacy only stayed when it was easy and left the moment it became work. We didn't want you Greg... you're mother and I, but she didn't believe in abortions so here you came anyway. We knew the minute we saw you that there was something wrong about you. Didn't you wonder how a mother could watch me do the things I did to you? It was because she hated you as much as I do, and now as much as Wilson does. Did you see how mad he looked?"_

House's hands were on his ears now, _"SHUT UP! It's fine he's just worried that's all, he isn't like you. He loves me... I know he does."_

"_I know he does," _the voice mocked sounding like a desperate woman. _"You're such a fucking fag! Wilson doesn't love you, how could he?! He's a better man than you Greg, he was a good son and loved by his parents, he's been loved by his wives and tell me GREG... who's ever loved you. You're nothing! Your own mother didn't love you! You should just end it now!" _John House's voice yelled then suddenly it was soft and sounded almost caring._ "You know it's what you really want Greg. It's okay, there isn't a God or a hell, you're right, there is nothing after you die. No more pain... no more disappointments... no one to hate you and no one to leave you. You've suffered enough."_

House shook his head with his eyes closed as his fingernails dug in. "No... I can't, I promised him."

Cuddy looked up from the desk at the noise and saw House with his hands digging into his scalp as the magazine was laying in the floor. She got up and noticed his eyes were closed and he was shaking his head some. "House? Hey, what's wrong?" she said and put a hand on his shoulder.

House's eyes popped open and he could swear he heard his father laugh, but it faded away. He quickly looked away from her eyes. "It was nothing, just a little headache," he said and picked up the magazine.

Cuddy snatched the magazine from him and moved one of her guest chairs so she was facing him. "It wasn't nothing," She said with certainty.

House snarled, "What does it fucking matter! You don't care! No one cares!"

Cuddy was shocked by the outburst, "That's not true! I care about you House and so does Wilson!"

House turned his head away from her and into the back cushion of the couch, wishing he could just disappear. "Just leave it alone," he said brokenly.

"No... I'm never going to leave you alone Greg. You don't ever have to be alone again," She said softly.

House turned his head some and looked at her, her words meaning more to him that he could bare to say. "I'm hearing voices..." he looked away, "have been for the last couple of days."

"Who's voices," she asked with worry as she hoped that the cancer hadn't spread to his brain.

"Tritter and my father," he answered looking back at her.

Cuddy tried not to show the sympathy in her face and put a hand on his knee, "What were they saying?"

House swallowed, he didn't want to say, but he's told Wilson he would try talking to Cuddy. "HE was telling me that no one can love me and that Wilson was lying when he said he did... and... he was trying to convince me to commit suicide."

Cuddy was scared by what House had said but remained calm, "Is that how you feel?"

House chewed on his lip some, "If he say's he loves me then I should believe him and I'm not going to kill myself, I promised him I wouldn't."

"You still didn't tell me how you feel," she pointed out softly.

"What did he say when you followed him out of here?" House asked looking at her.

Cuddy sighed, "He said that he loves you more than anything and that when he's treating you in the hospital he has to focus on getting you better, but that at home he'll be able to allow himself to share his emotions with you and to be there for you better. He's just so scared of messing something up."

House felt a little better hearing that, "See, everything is fine. It's just... my doubts, everyone has doubts."

Cuddy nodded although she was still frowning. "You know, it's okay to talk about your doubts, it might help if you don't let them fester." She said and noticed his jaw tighten some so she left it at that.

They both sat there for several minutes in silence, and it wasn't until he could tell she was about to get up that he spoke. "There is something I was wanting to get your opinion on."

She stopped and looked back at him, "And what would that be."

"I've been thinking a lot about what James said in here yesterday. Do you think his mother might be sort of right? He's not impudent, but that maybe he is sterile? I mean it would make sense. He's had sex with tons of women and no mishaps. No James Junior walking around." House said thinking about it.

Cuddy shook her head, "How did we go from talking about you hearing voices to Wilson's sperm count?"

"I'm just saying it's possible right? Condoms break, birth control isn't a 100% and yet he hasn't even had a scare and Wilson isn't the kind of guy you would hide a kid from or a pregnancy. He's a huge softy and would definitely have taken care of the kid and probably be the best mother on the planet." House said looking to Cuddy.

"Don't you mean father?" she said.

"No, I meant mother. Have you seen the way he nags and shops and cooks and throws a ball. He's definitely the mother." He said with a grin.

Cuddy rolled her eyes even though she could see his point, "Of course it's possible, but why does it matter?"

"It wouldn't really matter to me or to most men. The idea of being able to have sex with anyone you want and not get a baby out of the deal is pretty much like giving a kid a lifetime pass to an amusement park. But it matters to him because he want's a child, something you can relate to better than I can," he said watching her closely.

She swallowed, "I know why it matters, I just don't understand why we're talking about it. If he is sterile there isn't anything you can really do for him House."

"He wants a kid, and right now... before the chemo and everything thing else I've got some very fertile sperm, now after the chemo... that might not be the case," House said casually.

Cuddy was looking all kinds of confused. "You know that just because Wilson acts like a woman doesn't mean he is a woman, right? You can't give him a child with your sperm."

He narrowed his eyes on her, "I was thinking about getting some of my man juice frozen so if he or we want a child later we can have a chance and getting a surrogate mother to have our child. What do you think?"

"I... um... I didn't think you wanted kids," She said confused.

"James want's a child, and maybe with time I'll want one too, or maybe I won't make it through this treatment and he'll still want to use it if he can't get someone pregnant himself," House said softly.

Cuddy frowned, "This isn't about him Greg, you would be giving him a part of yourself, a chance at having your child. Are you sure you're ready for that?"

House shrugged, "It's no big deal. It's not like I think he would be a bad parent and if I died... he could always have that part of me."

She swallowed at how sad and beautiful that thought was, "If that's something you want to do then I don't see a reason you shouldn't."

"Would you process the... samples if I gave them to you? I figure I can do one today and another tomorrow," He said watching her.

"Yes, but I think you should tell him about it," Cuddy said giving him a knowing look.

House nodded, "I will, maybe at a time he isn't looking at me as a patient. It would be kind of weird for a patient to tell you their freezing some of their sperm for you... unless you work at a sperm bank."

She wondered when he'd actually tell Wilson, but figured that was his business, "Okay"

"So, you have something I can put the fluids in," he asked with a grin.

"Ew!" Cuddy said standing up, "You want to do this now?"

House rolled his eyes at her girlish reaction, "It's not like I'm going to whip it out right here, I'll go to your bathroom."

"What makes you think I'm going to let you do... that in my bathroom, just wait and do it at home." She reasoned.

"You mean after Wilson runs a full body PET on me? I'll take my sperm with out the radiation please, and if I start collecting my sperm at home don't you think that James might get the tad bit curious." He said looking at her like she was an idiot.

Cuddy frowned, "But in MY bathroom."

"It's your bathroom or," House sighed heavily giving her his best sad eyes, "I can just give up on the chance of ever being a father. As aggressive as James will have to treat for this horrible cancer I have I probably won't be fertile afterwords. Of course I might not even live through this and then James, poor sterile James, will be left alone and never have the opportunity to raise one of our children."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes on him even though his story of sadness was working on her completely. "Fine, you can use my bathroom. I'll go get something for you to collect it in," she started out and stopped, "and don't start until after I'm back. I'm not handing it to you while you're in there." He smiled back as she left.

Cuddy couldn't help wondering how long this was going to take as she looked back at her clock on the computer it was already 9:38, which meant he'd been in there for over thirty minutes. There being her bathroom of course and he was... She shook her head not really wanting to put too much thought into what he was doing and looked back at paper work she'd already filled out for him. She'd put it under the name Seryous H. George, which evidently was the name all of his files were really in down in the file room. It was an Anagram he'd used from his name Gregory S. House that also played off the first book he'd ever read, Curious George at the age of 2.

"Mmmm"

Cuddy looked to the restroom at the noise and then back at the already filled out paperwork, hoping this wouldn't last to much longer.

"Ohhhh JAAMmmmesss"

She swallowed as she heard the moan, trying to pretend she didn't. Then she heard something odd a tapping or something. She concentrated on that and looked around the room to see if she could figure out where it was coming from. It sounded like something she'd heard before, it was in time with something, but it wasn't the clock or anything else she could locate. It seemed to be coming from the bathroom... it might be water dripping... but that's not what it sounded like it sounded like... "Oh god," she breathed, it was him, she could hear him beating off and she grimaced.

"Fuck yeah... oh... James"

Cuddy blushed wishing he would just shut up.

"That's it, hit my prostate!"

Cuddy looked up and with shock, surely he wouldn't be actually doing that in HER restroom.

"OOOhhhhhh... OOOhhhh,"

She'd had enough. Cuddy stood up and walked over to the door, "House! This isn't your life's work, so just do it already and keep QUIET!" She yelled over his moans and hit the door to get his attention. To her surprise it open and she looked in horror to see him sitting fully dress sitting on the toilet with a the sample already ready for her. She looked at it and then his face to see him silently laughing as his hand slapped against the toilet making the noise she'd heard.

"You're a total ass!" Cuddy said with a fire in her eyes.

"I was just having a little fun with you. Besides, I'm not nearly as much of an ass as you think I am! What on earth would make you think that I'd really be that loud," House said still grinning.

"Oh I don't know, maybe from every other encounter I've had from you. Who would think you would store your food in the morgue, or have a hooker meeting you at your office!" She said with her hands on her hips.

"The hookers thing wasn't real," he countered.

Cuddy narrowed her eyes on him, "The point is that no one knows what to expect or not expect from you. You always have to go against the norm, like you're still some stupid adolescent giving your parents the middle finger." She said and snatched the sample leaving him in the bathroom.

"Lisa... hey Lisa," House said as he got into his wheelchair and rolled out of the bathroom just in time to see her slam the door behind her as she left. He flinched a little at how hard she'd slammed it. He hadn't really meant to piss her off; he'd thought that as soon as she figured out he wasn't really doing anything when he was making the noise she'd find it funny. Evidently she had about the same amount of humor as Wilson.

It was about ten minutes later when Cuddy walked back in. She didn't even look in his direction, instead she walked over to her desk and started looking at the quarterly reports.

"Hey, Lisa I was..." He started but was quickly interrupted by her.

"Unlike you, I have work to do House, so if you could to me the great honor of just SHUTTING UP... I would really appreciate it," Cuddy said glaring at him.

House swallowed, this had bothered her more than he would have ever thought but the more he thought about it the more he started to think about it the more it made sense. Cuddy had cared for him, he'd always known that and there would always be a special place in his heart for her as well. She'd been so great as a friend that he'd forgotten how complicated her feelings for him must be. What had happened at his apartment when she'd came over because she was worried about his health, the kiss, the touches and her own words, _"Stop trying to fight what we both want."_ He swallowed as he could only imagine how hard it would be for him to hear Wilson moan and groan another mans name. Thinking of his joke from her perspective it wasn't funny at all, instead it was cruel. "I'm sorry," he said looking at her.

Cuddy glanced at him and swallowed as she could tell he actually meant it, not that that made her feel completely better, but it helped some. "Just... let me work in quiet.. alright," she said looking back at the computer and was amazed that he actually did.

11111111111

Wilson had gotten everything scheduled only half an hour after Cuddy had left his office. He'd moved some of his patients to other doctors since he knew that House's case would be taking up a good deal of his time. He sighed, it was an hour until he had the PET scan scheduled. He made his way to the elevator going over the schedule in his head and reminding himself that he had to stay in control and not get emotional about this.

Wilson knocked and opened the door to see House in his wheelchair looking though a book and Cuddy on the computer. The silence of the room seemed unnatural. "What did he do?"

Cuddy looked up at Wilson, "He was moaning your name and other things while pretending to masturbate in my private bathroom," she said sounding more annoyed than angry.

Wilson glared at House, "What the fuck is wrong with you! Next time you can sit in the patient lobby for Oncology." He saw House open his mouth and spoke before he could say anything, "Save it House! We have a tight schedule, now come on," he said as he held the door open.

House looked away from James' disappointed eyes and rolled out silently. He made his way to the room that patients were held in before PET scans. He heard the door close behind him and looked back to see Wilson get the radioactive glucose out.

"The recliner should be more comfortable, so if you'll just get in the chair," Wilson said as he used his key to open the cabinet that had the IV needle and tubing in it.

House watched James as he moved to the chair wondering if he would ever make eye contact with him.

Wilson turned around, his eyes down cast, and put out a hand, "Arm," he commanded and after a second or two Houses arm was in his hand and he started to put the needle in.

"So what do you think the chances are that after this is done my cells will mutate and I'll became the first real life superhero. If Peter Parker can do it from one bite from a radioactive spider then I sure as hell ought to after this, right?" House said hoping to get James to look at him or say something, but he remained silent as he hooked up the equipment. "It might be kind of hot though, to be dating a superhero. You could be my..."

"You're not going to become a superhero. This isn't a joke, do you get that? This is serious." Wilson said looking at him with irritation and saw the insecurity in Greg's eyes and looked away. "Also here, while I'm treating you I'm your doctor, nothing more. You understand why it has to be that way right?"

House frowned, "Yeah, because you need to stay objective and as unemotional as you can about this. I just thought a joke might lighten things up a little. You seem so serious and so intense. It's just a PET scan James, it's not some dangerous procedure that could leave me damaged for the rest of my life."

"You want me to lighten up! How do you expect me to lighten up, this looks like Burkitt Lymphoma," Wilson said double checking the equipment.

"I know what it is," House said back with frustration.

Wilson shook his head as he looked at House, "Tell me House, how many patients have you treated for Burkitt Lymphoma from diagnoses until cancer free or dead? Huh... I'm waiting. Let me guess, none. I've treated eight, of those four lived and four died," he looked away, "This isn't like your cases, it isn't going to be over in a week or two. This is going to be several months of pain, nausea, exhaustion and constant monitoring to make sure I'm give you the right amount of treatment at the right time. So, no, I'm not going to lighten up, because I've seen how bad it gets with people who AREN'T underweight, and don't have other health issues!" He said and left.

It was around a hour later when Wilson came back in the room, "You ready to get this PET scan over with?" He asked feeling bad about snapping at House before he left.

"Yeah," House said getting in the wheelchair carefully and rolled out of the room.

Wilson followed him to the room with the PET machine and watched as House struggled to get on the laying platform. "I can help," he said softly.

"I've got it," House said as he finally laid down on it.

Wilson swallowed, "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

House kept his face neutral, "Let's just get this done with. You said it was a tight schedule right?"

"Yeah," Wilson said and walked over pressing the button that slid the platform in the machine. He got behind the glass room with the control panels and turned on the speaker, "I can turn some music for you, this will probably take all of an hour."

"Classical will be fine," House said and tried to relax.

Wilson smiled a little as he already had it ready to be picked and turned on the music for him. Wilson turned off the speaker on his side and watched the images as the machine did it's work. When it was over he pressed the button for the platform to slide out and walked over to House.

"So, how'd I do?" House asked flatly.

Wilson tried looking him in the eyes, that's what a doctor was suppose to do. "There is another tumor in your neck," he said and looked down some concentrating on House's chest instead of his eyes. "It wasn't as big as the others. I've got a brain MRI scheduled in 15 minutes, are you ready?"

House swallowed, this was probably the most important test of the day, because if it had spread to the brain there really wasn't anything that could be done. "Let's do it," he said trying to sound casual even though he was worried. He started to get off the platform but slipped some and felt Wilson's hand steady him.

"You okay?" Wilson asked with concern, if House was having problems balancing it could be a symptom of a brain tumor.

"I just slipped some, I'm fine," House answered but James's hands didn't leave him until he was sitting in the wheelchair.

They both went into the room the MRI was in and Wilson hooked up new IV equipment with contrast material and some saline solution. They sat there in silence until all the contrast material was in him. "Alright," Wilson said as he undid the IV system and took out the needle, "lets see what's going on in that brain of yours." He said and kept a hold of House's arm to make sure he did slip again as he got in the machine. Wilson looked at the straps and swallowed as he remember seeing Greg in the collar in his dream.

"Don't," House said looking at James, "I can keep still, just... don't strap my neck."

Wilson frowned as he could see House's hand shake some, and he sighed, "Okay," he said. The test didn't last long and in fifteen minutes Wilson walked over to House who was sitting with his legs dangling off the edge of the machine. He smiled as he looked at House, "It's clean, nothing on it."

House let out a deep sigh, "Good, so what's next Doc?"

Wilson wanted to hug him, this meant there was a chance that House would survive. "Um.. lets see," he said and pulled out a sheet of paper. "PET is done, MRI is done, next we have the lumbar puncture, bone marrow biopsy, then I'll biopsy the tumors." Wilson said as House moved to his wheelchair.

House felt his stomach drop as he followed James in the wheelchair. He couldn't let James see his markings on his lower back, not now, and especially like this. He rolled slower as they got closer to the small patient room.

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Cuddy was still sitting in her office and looked up to see that it was already one. She sighed and accessed the database to see that House had already had the PET scan and MRI preformed. She'd hoped she would get a call about the results but hadn't and was beginning to question her decision not to go with them. Yeah House had done something stupid that had hurt her feelings more than she would ever admit but what he was going through right now was huge. He had to be scared, whether or not he was saying it and Wilson wasn't much of a support system at the moment. "Yeah, no one cares," Cuddy mocked as she got up to find House and Wilson.

She stopped at the nurses station outside the MRI room and asked if they'd see Wilson or House. The nurses pointed down a long hall of patient rooms and she started walking. It sounded like someone was arguing she noticed and some nurses walked around a room still a good fifty feet from her. As she got closer she could understand what was being said."

"This isn't up for discussion, it's necessary! So put on the gown!"

"NO! I don't want you to do it!"

"Why, give me ONE good reason WHY!"

"Just get someone else, anyone else."

Cuddy sighed as she saw the name written on the door was HOUSE. She opened the door.

"TELL ME WHY!" Wilson order as he glared at House who was sitting on the side of the bed.

"I thought you said I was just another patient, are you telling me that this is how you would treat any other patient," House said flatly with his jaw jutted out.

"Fine, I'll get Foreman," Wilson said narrowing his eyes on House.

"Not him," House said looking down.

"You said anyone!" Wilson barked back.

Cuddy shook her head and put her hands on her hips, "You two can be heard all down the hall," she said giving them both disapproving looks.

House looked at her as if his prayers had been answer, "She can do it!" He said licking his lips.

Wilson looked confused and irritated, "You're okay with her seeing your ass but not ME!"

"Do what?" Cuddy said looking at House.

"The bone marrow biopsy and lumbar puncture, you can do them right?" House said with begging eyes.

Cuddy scoffed, "I can, but there is no reason for me to do it instead of Wilson. Let me guess, you have another joke planned? You going to fart while I'm doing it or something else, well as much as I hate to ruin you're plans that's not going to happen. Wilson's your doctor he can do it."

Wilson smiled at House who was looking at her as if she'd just betrayed him, and at Wilson with a clenched jaw. "Two against one House, now get in the gown and quit acting like a big baby about this. I promise you I've seen several asses in my day, it's no big deal."

House shook his head, "No," he mumbled.

Wilson was tired of this, it had been going on for the past ten minutes. He grabbed the bottom of House's shirt and yanked it off him.

"Stop," House said uselessly as he saw the shirt be thrown on a chair in the room and grabbed his sweat pants holding them with all he strength as he felt Wilson trying to pull them down. "NO!"

"Quit acting like this, you know as well as I do that I have to run these tests!" Wilson said with frustration.

"Wilson you can't force him," Cuddy said walking in between the two of them.

Wilson let go of House's pants and glared at him, "What is this about! Why are you being like this! You have cancer, it's serious and I can't start treatment until these tests are finished. Don't you get that?!"

"He's right House this is silly, just let him do the tests," She said looking at him.

House looked at her, "I'm sorry about the joke, I really am. Please do this for me Lisa... please," he said pleading.

"Why her and not ME, huh House?" Wilson asked.

Cuddy wondered that very question, "Greg, there isn't a difference between him or me doing this and even though I know that this had to be hard on you, if Wilson's going to be your doctor you need to let him do the testing. It's not like both of us haven't seen you naked."

House closed his eyes as he knew that Wilson wasn't going to take this well.

"What? You've... seen him naked?" Wilson said looking at her and then back at House with hurt and anger as House had his eyes closed. "She's seen you naked? I can only imagine how that happened!"

Cuddy grimaces as she realized that she'd stuck her foot in her mouth, "It wasn't like that. It was the night you two got in the fight. I came over and he was drunk and on pills, so I had him throw everything up and then helped him bathe."

Wilson scoffed, "So you can let her see your body, just not me!"

Cuddy blinked at them, "You haven't ever seen him naked?"

"No! He'll hardly take off his shirt around me with the lights on," Wilson said looking back at House.

House frowned, "James... I was so high and drunk I didn't even know what was happening until it was already done. I'm sorry, it's just..." House tried to explain.

"You mean he hasn't seen the..." Cuddy started but was interrupted by House.

"DON'T! Cuddy please don't..." he begged.

Wilson shook his head, "I don't have time for this, you're going to be late for the biopsies for the tumor as it is. So Cuddy," he said trying to keep the edge out of his voice, "you going to do the lumbar puncture and bone marrow biopsy or not?"

"I'll do it," she said looking at House.

"Fine, get me as soon as your done," Wilson said as he headed to the door.

"James, I love you. I'm sorry," House said brokenly as he watched him walk to the door.

Wilson stopped at the door, "I'm sorry you don't trust me as much as you do her too, and don't call me James. It's Dr. Wilson," he said and walked out.

Cuddy swallowed as she watched House stare at the door, "You need to get changed," she said softly.

House took off his shirt and put the gown on before pulling off his sweat pants and underwear. He laid on his side holding his legs some to help curl his back. Cuddy washed her hands and got out the sterile equipment, "Okay, I'm about to start, just be as still as you can," she said and stated. "Greg, are you okay?" she asked softly as she watched the needle fill.

"If he didn't hate me before he sure does now," House said looking at his knees.

She frowned, "I don't think he hates you but I do think he is hurt. How is it that he's never seen you naked."

He frowned, "If you had as many scars as I do... if you had something like that carved in you, would you be eager to show it off?"

Cuddy sighed, "No, I guess I wouldn't, but at some point you have to let him see and that's only going to get harder to do as time passes."

House felt her remove the needle slowly and when it was out he rolled on his stomach. "It doesn't get harder, it just stays as hard as it always was."

She put on a small bandage and numbed his left hip, "I don't see why you're hiding it. It's not like you did anything wrong, and he already knows about the rapes right?"

He nodded, "Yes, but knowing about them and having a constant reminder engraved on the person you're with is a whole different thing. When you just know, but don't have many details or can't tell the scars from the rapes from other things, you can let it go easier. Right now when we're under the covers he isn't constantly thinking of me being raped. But if he sees that... you just don't forget that." He said swallowing, "Every time his fingers brushed my back he'd feel those scars and think about five men cutting into me as they used my small adolescent body."

Cuddy felt sick as she looked at the scars, "You ready for me to start?" She asked and saw him nod. She started the bone marrow biopsy. "Greg, I'm not saying your wrong, but..." she sighed and started her sentence over again. "I haven't known Wilson as long as you have or as personally as you do, but I know that the more you keep from him the farther he goes away. I know you love him and that you're afraid to lose him but I think your taking a bigger chance on that by keeping all these secrets than if you just told him everything and showed him the scars. Not everyone could handle being with someone that's been though the kind of things you have, but NO ONE wants to be with someone that doesn't trust them or keeps secrets. That's just my opinion."


	31. Chapter 31: Date Night

**Sorry it's been so long everyone. Good news is my husband and me are finally buying a house. YIPPY... the bad news is buying a house and moving takes more time then I ever thought :P Anyways, I really do hope that you like this chapter and I can't wait to hear your thoughts. Nicole**

_Dear Guest 1,  
><em>

_Doctors have a choice about who they treat, just like House decides what cases he will or will not take. I don't think anyone would actually take House as a patient unless convinced by Cuddy or Wilson some how because they would be too afraid of failure. Worse than have a patient who is always telling you what to do or being condescending would be to kill arguably the best doctor in the world, to kill the legendary Dr. House is something no doctor could ever live down. Wilson does love House, the fact they both can hurt each other so easily proves just that; people hurt the people they love the most. I love how you wrote NOBODY in all caps because House does the things that NOBODY else would do. He stuck a knife in a socket to electrocute himself... who does that... NOBODY. House isn't normal or conventional and maybe you're right that it wont work out with Wilson being his doctor but can you really not imagine House asking Wilson to be or Wilson saying yes if he did. Conventional it isn't, but then again I don't think I or many others, would be as interested in House is he was. Nicole_

_Dear Anon,_

_Thank you for seeing the whole picture! House is obviously going through a lot right now and it's easy to feel sympathetic for him but what about Wilson?! He is in a new romantic relationship with someone that has been abused so much that he is afraid to make any move because it might remind House of something bad that happened to him, and he's treating his lover for a horrible cancer. Wilson needs someone to help him get though this and you'll just have to read more to see if that happens. :) Nicole_

_Dear Guest 2,_

_Wow! Someone actually noticed that talk between House and Cuddy about Wilson's sperm and House wanting to preserve some of his in case they decide they want children later. Sorry, it's just I thought this was a pretty BIG talk but you're the only one that responded to it at all. I'm sorry I wasn't clear, but as Cuddy has said many times House doesn't say things as fact unless it's true. The reason House says he's fertile is because he's had his seaman tested from when Cuddy wanted to get pregnant, in hopes she would inquire to him and he could show her that he was a more than adequate sperm donor. I meant to fit in the explanation but I unfortunately wasn't about to. As for House being active in the bedroom... well that's not true, at least not in this story. House admitted to Wilson that he hadn't slept with anyone but Stacy since he started dating her, which would mean that he hasn't really been ACTIVE in years and even before Stacy I don't really imagine my House to have been very sexually active because of being raped. I do agree that Wilson is usually a careful guy and House isn't saying he's sure Wilson's sterile, just that it's possible. I'm glad you were intrigued by the conversation but I'm sad that you didn't seem to take wonder in the idea that even through everything House is going through that he's taking time to consider Wilson's desires and is doing whatever he can do to give him what he wants. Nicole_

Cuddy found Wilson sitting in his office with the door open, but knock on the door frame anyway. "Got the bone marrow and spinal fluid, didn't know if you wanted to take it to the lab or if you wanted me to?" She asked.

Wilson sighed as he looked up at her, "I'll take them... thank you," he said with hesitation because part of him was pissed that she'd seen more of his boyfriend than he had.

She walked in closing the door behind her, "I'm sorry about earlier, I thought he'd told you what had happened Tuesday night."

"He told me he got drunk, but failed to mention the pills or you," He said standing up and taking the testing samples from her. "So, he called you?"

"No, I called him but he didn't answer his cell phone so I called his home phone and he knocked it off he receiver. I could hear him talking nonsense to himself and thought I should check up on him. As you can imagine he was pretty messed up when I got there," Cuddy said truthfully.

Wilson nodded, remembering all the times in the past he'd found House stoned or drunk or both. "Sorry we were arguing loud, and I'm sorry you got dragged into something you shouldn't have," He said and she shrugged. "I keep waiting for the tension to ease up some of for this to get easier or... for him to at least trust me more." He shook his head, "And I know it isn't his fault that he has trust issues anyone would that had gone through half the shit he had but..." he saw her frowning and swallowed. "Never mind, I didn't mean to just start venting on you. Thanks for getting the samples is he still in the room," He asked.

"It's fine Wilson, and I already took him to the OR you had booked and got him prepped," She said and left Wilson's office with him.

"Thanks," he said again and started to leave.

"You want me to come along?" Cuddy asked.

Wilson hadn't really thought about it, "Um, sure if you want."

She smiled and quickly followed him, soon they were in the OR she'd left him in. House was wearing his gown and boxer briefs, he's eyes following Wilson as he walked in ready to start. "Hello Dr. Wilson," he said behind a stone face.

Wilson hated how that sounded, "House," he said simply and walked over to the man on the table. "I plan on just doing needle biopsies for the rest of the tumors. I need to take the..." Wilson had his hand on House's abdomen and looked at the stomach as he not only heard, but felt it rumble.

"You'll need to take off the gown, I know," House said and pulled it off then started at the ceiling.

Wilson frowned at how the harsh lights of the operating room seemed to make every bone even more pronounced from his skin and the circle under his eyes seemed darker as his skin looked paler. Of course the lights also made his scars stand out and Wilson frowned as he got a better view at the old wounds from the abuse House endured He looked at Houses face but House continued to stare at the ceiling. "There's nothing wrong with your body," Wilson said serious and swallowed as he saw House's eye meet his.

"You haven't seen everything, it gets worse... it gets a lot worse," House said and looked back to the ceiling, his stomach rumbling loudly.

"I'll take you to eat and home after this is finished, if you want." Cuddy said putting a hand on his left arm.

House gritted his teeth as he felt Wilson making marks on his skin for were he wanted the biopsies. "You have a problem with that Dr. Wilson?"

"Um, no," Wilson said surprised House was asking him.

"I bet not. You don't have to pawn me off on Lisa if you don't want me around. I'm perfectly capable of getting home on my own," House said still glaring at the ceiling so he didn't have to see the way they were looking at his disgusting body.

Wilson sighed as he felt for the lymphoma gland in the neck and make his mark, "I'm not pawning you off on her. Not everything is a conspiracy House."

"So you're telling me this wasn't something you two talked about before you got in here," House asked skeptically.

Cuddy and Wilson glanced at each other, "I'm the one that suggested it when I found out that he planned on going over the biopsies himself. I thought you might be tired and not want to be hiding out from your team while he worked," Cuddy said with annoyance.

House glanced at Cuddy, "I don't need a babysitter."

Cuddy smiled, "Well not as much as you need a therapist at least, but I'm not babysitting you. I know how insane this sounds but for the most part, I've actually been enjoying spending time with you and like all other humans I have to eat and like all women I don't like eating alone. So look at this as you doing me a favor by going to an early dinner with me so I don't have to go alone."

House felt the first needle go in as he looked at the ceiling and grimaced.

"Is everything alright, was the anesthetic not enough," Wilson asked with concern.

"No, it's not that. I just realized what this is... I'm her fag and she's my hag." House said frowning some, "She wants to go out with me because I've been put in the safe zone... ME in the SAFE ZONE."

Wilson smiled bigger than he had all day, "I think it's kind of cute. Soon you two will be going on shopping sprees and riding around singing Beyonce and Pink's best hits."

House narrowed his eyes on Wilson, "There isn't anything gay about Beyonce with her curves or Pink with her meaningful lyrics."

"Be still," Wilson said smiling, "and just a warning I'm putting my foot down. No more shoes," he said as he pulled the needle out and collected the biopsy. Wilson's phone rang and he rolled his eyes. "Cuddy would you mind getting that for me. I've been moving some patients to other doctors and had to leave some messages, it's probably someone getting back to me," he said tilting his head toward another metal tray he'd put it on when coming in.

Cuddy grabbed the phone, "I'm just going to put it on speaker alright?"

"Sure," Wilson said doing a needle biopsy on the tumor on the sternum. "Hello, Dr. Wilson what can I do for you?"

"Hey, it's Brandon. Haven't heard from you a couple of days and I was just calling to confirm the double date tonight," Brandon said sounding happy.

Cuddy and House were both watching Wilson. "What double date?" House mouthed.

Wilson sighed, "You know what, as much as I would love too, we're just not going to be able to make it this time." He said looking as he pulled he biopsy needle out.

"Oh what's wrong? Just because House wants to sit at home and get drunk watching some stupid sports program you have to also? Come on, use some of your charms to convince him to get out of that apartment!" Brandon said chuckling some.

"What's wrong with sports exactly, just because you throw like a girl isn't any reason to be prejudiced against all competitive forms of athletics," House said with a grin.

Brandon was silent for a moment, "Um... I'm on speaker I guess."

"Yes, sorry, I should have told you," Wilson said looking at House. "Brandon that was House and House, this is Brandon."

"I wasn't meaning to say I had a problem with sport Dr. House. I love track, soccer and tennis but I think it's better to get out and play the sport, rather than watching it on TV," Brandon tried to explain.

House glared at the ceiling, "Yeah, so did I when I had two good legs, but us cripples don't all make the cut for the special Olympics."

"Shit, I forgot about you being..." everyone was staring at the phone to see what word Brandon would pick, "handy capable," Brandon finally said.

"What the hell have you been telling this man Wilson? He obviously thinks I'm retarded or something... handy CAPABLE?! No wonder you like him, you're both polite dorks." House said looking at Wilson.

"Thanks for the call Brandon, but.." Wilson started then got interrupted by House.

"We'd love to get together!" House said with a sound of joy ringing in his voice as he grinned at Wilson. "Wilson's working late tonight though, so let's make it eight thirty."

"Yeah, sounds... good. Sorry about what I said I tend to have a bad habit of letting my mouth run more than I should." Brandon said hoping to fix the damages.

House gave a nasty smirk, "That's interesting because I thought you were the friend who had a bad habit of letting your mouth wonder to places it has no business being."

Wilson swallowed, "See you tonight, bye Brandon."

Cuddy hung up the phone glancing at the two men, "Well, only one more biopsy left," she said hoping that the two of them wouldn't get into a argument before finishing up the procedure.

House looked back at the ceiling and Wilson did the last biopsy. "We don't have to do this House, it's been a long day," he said reasonably as he put on the bandages to cover the small holes.

"I think it's a good idea to get out some. All we've been doing today is tests for my cancer, maybe getting out and having a good time is just what we need," House said putting his hand out and Cuddy handed him his clothes.

Wilson sighed, "So is that the reason you're wanting to do this or is that just the excuse you're using to learn more about this friend of mine?"

"His name is Dr. Brandon Burke and he's an Oncologist whose working at New Jersey Medical Hospital. I could give you his home address along with the make, model and year of his car but you get the point," House said as he slipped on his shirt.

"Wow, it's impressive how little you trust me," Wilson said with a bite.

"Not you... him," House said looking at Wilson who meet his eyes with a raised eyebrow. "If you want him, go for it. I can't stop you if that's what you want but..."

"That's not what I..." Wilson started but was stopped as House talked over him.

"It's my job to protect you until you leave and I'm sorry if you find it rude, but if you're spending time with someone that neither one of us know well, then yeah, I'm going to look into them. Did he tell you he's been arrested four time? Or that one of those time he broke a restraining order two years ago that his boyfriend had to put on him because the guy was obsessed with him? He's had two DUI's and one of those times he wrecked his car in someones front yard." House said looking at Wilson.

"I'm a grown man, I can protect myself and you're the one that sounds obsessed," Wilson said and as he collected his samples and turned to leave.

"I'm not obsessed, I love you," House said raising his voice some.

"Not here," Wilson said looking back at him with warning eyes.

House swallowed the pain of Wilson's words, "You let him give you a ride home after drinking. What if he'd wrecked, what if you'd never made it back to the condo? What if he'd ran someone over... you couldn't forgive yourself for something like that, even if you weren't driving... I know you."

Wilson's eyes softened as he could see the real worry and concern in House. "Okay... I get it. I promise I wont get anymore rides from him when he's been drinking, does that make you feel better?"

"Yes," House answered sounding relieved.

"You two be safe, and I'll see you at home," Wilson said looking at House wishing he had the guts to say I love you back and not care if anyone over heard him and then left.

Cuddy rolled House's wheelchair over to him, "You ready?"

"Let's hit the road, I'm hungry," House said and got in the wheelchair.

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It was seven thirty before Wilson finally walked in the door and he smiled as he saw Greg playing the piano. "Hey, wasn't sure if you'd be home yet or not," he said as he took off his coat and put his briefcase down by one of the bookcases.

House stopped playing and looked over at James, "Got home about 45 minutes ago," he said turning on the piano bench toward him.

"Whoa... you look sharp and you even shaved," Wilson said as he took a closer look. House's hair was a mess of light brown curls with just some hints of gray, his was clean shaven with a crisp steel blue dress shirt that had the top four buttons undone and a red tee peeking out.

House pushed himself up and held on to the piano as his legs ached, "You didn't even notice my new pants, they're leather," he said looking in James's eyes with smile.

Wilson looked away from his eyes and down at the very well fitting leather pants and could feel his desire start to stir. "Look good," he said and took off his tie as he walked into the bedroom.

House got in this wheelchair and rolled in after him, "Cuddy said they make my butt look good, but I was wanting to see what you thought." He said standing up and holding on to the bed for support.

Wilson didn't look at him, "I better not, Cuddy's the only one allowed to look at you're ass remember?"

House sat down on the bed, "I thought this was behind us."

"No, I just didn't bring it up the next time I saw you because I was trying to stay professional, unlike you." Wilson said as he threw off his shirt and started taking off his pants.

"I thought you wanted me share how I felt and my emotions with you, but every time I do you throw it in my face. If I say I'm not comfortable with something you argue about it, if I say I want to do something you say you don't think I'm ready for it. Just... tell me what you want," House said trying not to look at Wilson's attractive body as he stripped.

Wilson was so tired of feeling like the bad guy, "It hurt," he said looking at House, "to know that she's seen more of you than I have. I'm sorry if that makes me a horrible person but that's how I felt okay."

House sat on the bed looking at the ground, "The scars... back there are," he stopped chewed his lips as he tried to come up with words but just shook his head. "You can't forget something like that after you see it and what if... what if you don't want me after you see it," he said mumbling some as he looked at the wood floors.

Wilson hated to see how all of House's confidence could fade so quickly, walked over in front of him, "Greg, that wont happen. None of your other scars have changed how I feel about you and neither will these."

House looked up meeting his eyes, "These aren't like the rest... they took a knife and carved it into me," he said as his eyes searched James's confused ones. "I was only fifteen... I was still just a kid and they broke my bones and held me down as they... they took turns raping me using my blood and spit as lubrication then they took out a big knife and I passed out. When I came too I was surprised to be alive and discovered what they'd done." He said softly.

Wilson felt his face pale as he looked at Greg wishing he could comfort him in some way, "It's okay Greg, they can't hurt you anymore," he said and put a hand on Greg's shoulder.

House pushed his arm off with frustration, "You still don't get it. IT STILL HURTS... it... thinking about it... feeling the scars... remembering the first time I saw myself in a mirror after... them! It never goes away..." he whispered as if it were the big secret no one ever admitted.

Wilson let his hand cup House's face and cheek, "I wish I could make you forget or stop that hurt, but I can't. I wish you would talk to me though Greg, let some of it out and then you're not the only one that has to know or carry the weight of it, and don't care what's on your back, I'll always love you, I just wish you could trust me enough to share it with me."

"I'm just not ready," House said softly.

Wilson nodded letting his hand drop and walked back to the closet while Greg watched him dress.

It was eight thirty-two when Wilson pulled up to a place called **Club 175**. "Odd name don't you think?" Wilson said as he looked at the sign.

House looked at James as if he was an idiot, "You know for Jew you really don't know a lot about the Holocaust, do you?"

Wilson looked back at him, "How would a gay club called Club 175 have anything to do with the Holocaust?"

House sighed, "Oh you poor uneducated little Jew, don't worry. Daddy has lots of books for you to read." James frowned and got out of the car, grabbing House's wheelchair from the trunk then rolling it over to the passenger side. House opened his door and grimaced as he stood up and James helped him to the chair. He was nervous about this, "You look good tonight," he said looking at James.

Wilson smiled a little, "Thanks, you look really good too. You ready to get inside, it's chilly."

"Here," House said and pulled a piece of paper from his wallet and gave it to James.

Wilson grabbed it with confusion and read it. "You're giving me a car wash receipt?"

"No you idiot, I prepaid for your car to get the deluxe car wash package at Royal Washes on Miller," House said with irritation as his stomach knotted.

"Okay... thank you, I think," Wilson said looking at it with confusion. "Are you going to call me an idiot again if I ask why you did this."

House rolled his eyes, "Well it's better than flower isn't it. This is our first official date and a dozen nice roses are going for eighty dollars right now, but I got the deluxe car wash for sixty. So I saved twenty-five percent and you get something useful. That includes hand wash, hand waxed, carpets, seats, and all the detail work."

Wilson blinked at House and back at the receipt, "Oh.. um, yeah... that's... nice of you." He said awkwardly, "I'm sorry I didn't get you anything."

"Of course you didn't, I'm the alpha male, it would have been insulting if you had," House said as if that was common sense.

Wilson narrowed his eyes on Greg, "So, I guess that means you're paying for everything tonight, right?"

"No. I'm already paying all the bills at the condo. Remember the agreement was that you provided meals, toiletries and your womanly duties, like cleaning and cooking." House said and zipped up his leather jacket as the cold wind hit him some.

"You know, I'm beginning to think you're the Jew," Wilson said and started walking to the doors of the club. He opened it wide and Greg rolled in and stopped only three feet in. There were a lot of tables and a small stage where it looked like karaoke was going on with a small dancing floor in front of it. Wilson stood beside Greg as they watched some girls making out that were sitting at the bar. "This place looks fun," he said with a smile.

"It definitely has potential," House said and rolled in more. "So where is this friend of yours?"

Wilson looked around, "Over there, just follow me," he said as he made his way over to the table that Brandon was sitting at alone. "So, where's your date?" Wilson asked with a smile.

Brandon looked away from the karaoke stage and smiled at him, "Hey there, I was beginning to wonder if I got stood up by you too. Roger got called into work, so I'm solo tonight." He said standing to give Wilson a half hug, then saw the look on House's face behind him and put out a hand to him, "My name is Brandon Burke, I'm glad to meet you Dr. House. James is always going on about you, so I looked you up and you're really quite something."

House looked at the hand and shook it with a fake smile as he looked at the handsome man with a charming smile, "That's nice, makes me feel less guilty about looking into you."

Brandon tilted his head and Wilson jumped in, "He's just joking. He has a strange sense of humor," he said looking at Greg.

House gave an innocent smile back, "Yeah I wouldn't wont you to get the wrong idea, it's not like I'm a stalker and you need to get a restraining order against me or anything."

Brandon looked at House wondering if it was just a coincidence that he'd said that, "That's good to know."

Wilson narrowed his eyes on Greg, "Like I said, he has a odd sense of humor," he said and moved two of the chairs to the side of the wall and when he got back Greg had his wheelchair between his and Brandon's chairs. Wilson sat down and smiled at Brandon, "So, you come here often?"

"Just on karaoke nights. They usually have some pretty good people singing." Brandon said and looked over a station with a man by the stage, "That's where you go to sign up to sing something. I'll get a book for us... you two are going to sing something right?"

Wilson looked over at Greg, "He might, he's the one with all the musical talent."

"Really?" Brandon asked with a smirk, he liked competition and felt confident he could smoke anyone at karaoke.

"James exaggerates, but I'm okay," House said wanting to take the man by surprise. He could already see that the man was over confident and couldn't wait to wipe that smirk off his face. "I'll sing something though, that's the point of karaoke, to have fun right?"

"That's right," Brandon said and looked to Wilson, "Come on James, you can't be the only that doesn't sing."

"Fine, get the book and I'll try to find something," Wilson said and with that Brandon practically jumped out of his seat to get the book. He looked to Greg, "You're better than okay and you know that."

House shrugged, "I didn't want to sound cocky, there is already one person in the group that's full of themselves."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "I thought this was suppose to be about fun, instead you're having a dick measuring contest with him."

"What do you expect? The guy looks like fucking Neal Caffrey!" House said as his eyes stayed on Brandon.

"Who's that?" Wilson asked.

House rolled his eyes, "From White Collar," he said but could still tell that James didn't know who he was talking about. "You need to watch more TV. The point is that I look like the poster boy for a disease and he looks like he should be in GQ magazine for high fashion." He said swallowed, "If you don't want me to sing I wont, I thought it might be fun to humble your boyfriend on something."

"He's not my boyfriend," Wilson said with irritation looking at Greg.

"What?" Brandon said as he walked up to the table.

House smiled at him, "James was just telling me you weren't his boyfriend, but the way I see it, you're a friend and you're a guy."

Brandon shrugged, "Well I like to think of myself as man. He's right though, we're just friends, nothing more."

House nodded and gave Brandon a knowing look, "I bet you have a lot of friends. You're very charismatic and your not hard on the eyes either."

Brandon smiled at the compliment, "I do actually."

"And you're a good bit younger than James right. He's turning 40 in a month and you're 34." House said watching him.

"How'd you know my age?" Brandon asked as his smirk left him.

"Lucky guess. Anyway, he's obviously way older than the guys you normally date, I'm sure. You probably look at him as more of a father figure than anything, right?" House asked innocently.

"No, he's only six years older than me and he's a very attractive man himself, I'm not blind." Brandon said looking at Wilson. "But as long as he's happy with you we're just friends."

House narrowed his eyes on Brandon hearing the threat behind his words, "And if he wasn't happy with me?"

Brandon smirked, "Like I said, I find him to be a very interesting and attractive man, and friends try to uplift and make their friends happy." He said and glanced at James who was blushing some, "My advice would be to keep him very happy Greg, or someone else will."

"You can call me House," House said keeping his face stone cold.

Wilson put his hand on Greg's, "We've been doing really good," he said trying to easy the tension and let Brandon know that he had no intentions of straying.

"I'm glad to hear that, I've been worried because last time we talked it you two seemed to be having some serious issues," Brandon said grinning at House.

House gritted his teeth some as he smiled, "Well James and I have been friends for a long time and gotten though a lot together."

"Can we see the book?" Wilson said trying to defuse the situation before it could get any worse.

"Yeah, here," Brandon said and handed the book to Wilson, who opened it between him and Greg.

"Sorry for the wait, can I get you something to drink?" asked a cute red headed boy, who was looking at House.

House looked up at the man in his early twenties, "I'll have three fingers of Makers Mark."

"Sorry, don't have it. We have some really good mixed drinks though, you should try our Rainbow of Flavors drink. It's really good," the boy said with a flirty smile, he could see the hesitation on House. "Tell you what, since this is your first time in here, because I would remember those eyes," he said with a smile, "I'll discount it half off, and if you don't like it I'll take it off and get you whatever you want."

Greg looked over at Wilson with a look that asked what he should do, "He'll give it a try," Wilson said for him with a smile. "And I'll have the same thing," he added.

"Me too," Brandon said.

The redhead looked at Brandon with annoyance, "I'll be right back with that, my name is Nick in case Brandon didn't let you know, or forgot it... either way." Nick said and looked back to House. "By the way, those leather pants are hot, cutie." He said and left.

"Looks like you have an admirer," Wilson said with a smile as he could tell that Greg didn't feel comfortable being flirted with.

"Don't get too excited, Nick always flirts to get tips," Brandon said with a smile although he was annoyed to see Nick flirting with Greg who wasn't nearly as good looking as him or Wilson were.

House wasn't even paying attention to him though as he looked at the list of songs. He was disappointed to see they were all new but smiled when he saw Sexyback by Justin Timberlake, "You should sing this one," he said pointing out the song to Wilson.

Wilson laughed, "No, I don't think so. How about this one?"

It took them a couple of minutes but Wilson wrote down everyone's song selection on a napkin and turned them into the guy who was running the karaoke system and then joined the table just in time as the drinks came. "Well he said that we should be up in 15 minutes. So just for the record, no laughing at me, okay?" Wilson said looking at the two of them.

"Oh I'm laughing," House said with a evil grin.

"Well I wont, I'm sure you'll be great James," Brandon said to which House rolled his eyes to and pretended to gag some.

Wilson let out a chuckle at Greg's reaction despite himself.

Brandon looked at Wilson with confusion having missed House's reaction, "What funny?"

"Oh nothing, I was thinking about something earlier today. So how are the drinks?" Wilson asked looking at the layered colors that made up the drink.

"It tastes like candy, if you mix it up it taste better," House commented.

Wilson mixed his up like House had and tasted it, "It's not bad."

Nick walked back over, "So, what's the verdict?" he said looking at Wilson and House.

"It's good, thank you," Wilson said with a polite smile.

"I'm glad you like it, and that goes for you to blue eyes?" Nick said looking to House.

House looked at the young man, "Listen, I'm sure you're a really good guy and all, but I'm at least twice you're age and this is our," he glanced to Wilson, "first date so... I'd appreciate it if you just called me House."

"Oh, sorry. Congratulation on the date, you two are cute together," Nick said looking a little disappointed and left them alone.

"Greg, you didn't have to do that, I think you hurt his feelings," Wilson said as his eyes followed Nick, even though he felt a little proud of Greg for asking the man to stop flirting with him.

"I didn't know this was you're first date. Where the flowers and chocolates?" Brandon said joking.

Wilson smiled as he looked at Greg, "He got me an appointment to get my car cleaned and detailed."

Brandon looked to House, "Well if that's not romantic I don't know what is," he said condescendingly.

"It's practical," House countered.

"Well I thought it was very sweet," Wilson said holding House's hand. "Do you know where the restrooms are?" He asked Brandon.

"Yeah, see that hallway to the left of the stage, they're in there," Brandon said pointing at the hallway.

"Thanks," Wilson said and left.

House watched how Brandon leered at his boyfriend as he walked and decided it was time for them to have a man on man talk. "You'd be wise to leave him alone." He said flatly without any of the fake smiles or pleasantries.

Brandon looked back at House, "Sounds like you're afraid I might get some where," he said with a smirk. "He's a good kisser isn't he?"

House sneered at him, "I'm not afraid of you. I've been with him through three divorces and who knows how many girlfriends. I love him more than you love yourself, and even if you did get a shot with him in the end he'd leave you and comeback to me."

"Then why tell me to back off if you're so confident?" Brandon asked still smirking.

"Because James likes you as a friend and right now he trusts you. See James always thinks the best of everyone and he thinks you're a nice guy with good intentions, and if you keep up like this then you might get lucky one night after we've had a fight or something, but it wont last. Unlike you he has a conscience and my love for him isn't about having ownership of his sex, it's way deeper than that, and when he tells me, I'll forgive him, but he wont forgive you. Right now you have a chance to be his friend, which is something he needs right now, and he's the best kind of friend you could ask for. If you were smart you'd value that." House said firmly.

Brandon shook his head, "So you think that just because I'm good looking that all I care about is sex? I told you Dr. House that I find James to be very interesting and sweet. I also said that as long as you're making him happy that we'll just be friends and I meant it. I'm not going to try to 'steal' him away from you, but if you push him away and he comes running to me, I'm not going to deny how I feel about him. Personally I think he could do better finding someone that isn't as emotional unbalanced as you seem to be about your relationship with him and he could definitely find someone better looking."

"You're right, I'm not good looking and I'm more screwed up than most, but I'm smart and I love him more than you could even begin to imagine and have for a long time. I'll do whatever it take to keep him in my life. I suffered through being his best man twice and even though it was killing me to see him get married I smiled for him and joked, I wished him the best of luck and he never knew." House said with stone cold features, then he noticed that James was making his way from out of the bathroom. "Hey," House said holding up his drink and Wilson spotted them quickly making his way to the table. "It shouldn't be much longer now, you ready for this?"

Wilson said down and took a long sip of his drink, "Hopefully I will be by the time I finish drinking this. I've got you two going first." He said with a smile while taking another sip.

"Wuss," House teased but held his hand under the table.

"Alright, next up we have an old favorite, Brandon will be singing SexyBack by Justin Timberlake and Smile by Uncle Kracker," The DJ running the karaoke system said.

"Good Luck," Wilson said as Brandon passed him.

"Oh I'm not worried, I got this," Brandon said with a smile as he made his way to the stage.

House rolled his eyes, "He's so egotistical, how can you like that in him?"

Wilson gave Greg a amused look, "Well evidently that's what I'm attracted too."

House watched Brandon and swallowed, "So you admit you're attracted to him," he said pulling his hand away from James.

Wilson frowned as he saw Greg look coldly at the stage and swallow. "Yes I find him attractive, but I love you Greg and I find you to be way hotter than him."

"Liar," House said looking to James. "I'm not blind, I know he's better looking." They both watched as the music started and House smiled some. "Well he might be as good looking as Justin Timberlake but he doesn't sound as good as he does."

Wilson shrugged, "It's not like he sounds bad," he said as he watched Brandon dance.

House looked to James, "I sing better than that."

"I didn't say you didn't, I'm just saying he isn't terrible," Wilson said reasonably.

House watched as he finished the song and then started singing Smile, while looking at James. House looked to James who was smiling, "You're boyfriend is serenading you, how sweet," he said flatly.

Wilson looked at Greg and sighed, "Green isn't a good color on you."

"I bet it would look great on me if I looked like Dr. Burke," he said under his breath.

Wilson heard but ignored it, when Brandon was done at least half the room applauded him and he ran back over to the table with a huge smile. "You did great," Wilson said politely.

"Thanks! Hey, he's calling you next House," Brandon said with a smirk, knowing there was noway that he'd be able to beat the performance he'd just given.

House rolled out from under the table when the DJ called him.

"Ladies and Gentleman please give a warm welcome to Greg, this is his first time here and he'll be singing Gravity by John Mayer and Whataya Want from Me by Adam Lambert." The DJ announced. House ducked his head some as he rolled the rest of the way up.

"So you think I did good?" Brandon asked looking at Wilson.

"Yeah, it was great and you need to show me those dance moves from the first song," Wilson said with a smile.

Brandon laughed, "Yeah I'll do that sometime. I made some mistakes here and there on the songs, a little out of tune but I guess if no one noticed it's fine."

Wilson smiled as he thought about how Greg had noticed, "I'm sure no one noticed," he said watching as the DJ tried to help get the mic down for Greg who pushed his hands away and did it for himself.

They both watched as the song started and House was sitting on the edge of his chair and straight to ensure the best sound. As soon as House's voice came over the speakers Wilson was smiling and could see the entire crowd stop talking and looking impressed. He glanced at Brandon who was staring in awe at Greg. He looked back up at his boyfriend who was singing with his soul and loved how Greg had everyone's attention with pure talent and soul, not having to dance around and put on a show, like Brandon had.

When the song end Brandon glanced at Wilson, "He's... exceptional," he said still not believing that such a beautiful sound had escaped the average looking and crass man.

"You think he sounds good now, you should get him in front of a piano, or guitar, or harmonica, or drum set, or organ," Wilson said proudly. "Greg's a natural musician, it's like music is in his veins."

"Wow, he can play all of those?" Brandon said looking back at the stage.

Wilson smiled, "There isn't much Greg can't do, like I said before, he's one of a kind." Brandon nodded and they both quietened down to listen to the next song. Whataya Want from Me came on in a slower tempo and Greg started singing it looking right in Wilson's eyes. Wilson swallowed as the words held so much meaning and Greg's blue eyes were so captivating. He frowned when Greg sang the part about being a freak and when he was done Wilson stood up and clapped, which to his surprise so did a big part of the room.

House didn't really like too much attention but as his nerves started to get to him he just looked in James's eyes and he no longer cared what else was going on. He slowly made his way to James, "I love you," he said softly.

Wilson smiled and leaned down giving Greg a kiss on this lips. "I know," he said and swallowed, "I guess it's my turn now, don't hurt yourself laughing." Wilson said making his way to the stage as he was announced.

"Wow, thank you for coming Greg, I believe I'm speaking for everyone when I say that was great and now we have his friend James singing. So James are you going to give your friend some competition?" The DJ asked.

Wilson shook his head, "No, he's in a league all his own," he said into the mic.

The DJ smile, "I can believe it. Alright James is going to be singing Say by John Mayer and Moves like Jagger by Maroon 5."

"That was pretty amazing, you've got a great voice," Brandon said with a polite smile.

House glanced at him, "I'm happy with it," he said looking at James nervously.

Brandon notice his anxious look at James and smiled, "I'm sure he'll do fine." The music started and when Wilson started singing Brandon now realized that Wilson wasn't joking about his inability to sing. It wasn't the worst he'd heard but it definitely wasn't good.

House smiled, as he listened to the song, "He sings this in the car sometimes," he said.

Brandon almost said sorry but nodded instead.

"I'm trying," House said glancing at Brandon, "to open up and talk more to him. He's all I really have," House said watching his lover sing to him.

Brandon knew how that felt and swallowed as he watch James, "I'm sorry if I was rude earlier. I was acting like that because I got the feeling you didn't like me."

"I don't, but don't take it personally." House said glancing at him, "I don't like most people. There might have been ten people in my entire life I've really liked, and I knew you were the other man, the one he'd kissed."

Brandon felt like an idiot, of course he shouldn't expect House to like him considering he'd kissed his boyfriend. "It wasn't planned, it just kind of happened."

Wilson started into his next song as House finished his drink and smiled as James danced. "What he lacks in singing he make up in dancing."

Brandon smiled and he watched Wilson danced on the stage singing Moves like Jagger. "That he does."

House whistled at James as he did his sexy little moves and Wilson blushed some as their eyes met. House waved Nick down, "You have any good mixed drinks that are coconut flavored?"

"We have a Island Margarita that has coconut rum in it. It's very popular, would you like one." Nick said making sure to stay professional.

"Yes, one for him," he said pointing to Wilson on the stage, "and I'll have a Crown and Coke."

"I'll have that right out, anything for you?" Nick asked looking at Brandon.

"I'll have a Cosmo," Brandon said and with that Nick left.

Wilson make is way back to the table after the song ended, "So, how bad was it," he asked with a huff as he sat down.

"It was... endearing," House said and handed James his drink.

"Oh, thanks I'm thirsty after that," he Wilson and took a sip. "Mmm, that's good."

"A margarita with coconut rum, thought you'd like it," House said.

"The dancing was really good," Brandon said with his charming smile.

"I told you I wasn't really good at singing, but I don't think I was the worst here," Wilson said taking another drink.

House smiled, "No, I think the Asian girl had you beat on that. So you guys up for another round?"

Wilson could tell that House was having a decent time and nodded, "I'll sing one more, you in Brandon."

"Sure one more wouldn't hurt," Brandon said. They all sang one more song. Brandon chose Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson, House sang Hurt by Johnny Cash, and Wilson sang What Makes you Beautiful by One Direction to House which embarrassed him.


	32. Chapter 32: Handling with Care

**Yeah new chapters for all of my stories... YEAH! Sorry I've been moving and so was my beta reader so it's been a little while, don't worry though, I've been squeezing some time in there for writing. Hope you all enjoy! Nicole**

_Dear Aron_,

_I felt it would be out of character for House not to give Brandon the "step back off my man" speech and I have to say it was fun writing their interaction. I'm glad you enjoyed it and hope you will like this chapter too! Nicole_

_Dear Max,_

_I'm sorry that I don't know more about the medical field and that some of my knowledge is lacking, but there are reason's I that House asked Wilson, and a big part of that is because he trusts Wilson more than most. I could easily see House refusing treatment if a doctor wasn't doing exactly what he would do, which would make him an almost impossible patient, or switching doctors if they refused to do the treatment he wanted done, even if it was unsafe. Thank you for the information, it's always nice to learn something and I'm happy to hear that you are enjoying the story! Nicole_

Wilson was driving home, "So did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, it wasn't too bad for a first date," House said looking out the window.

"You okay with me being friends with Brandon?" Wilson asked glancing at Greg.

House shrugged, "It's not my decision who you're friends with, I guess there are worse people to be friends with," he said.

Wilson nodded and was about to say something when he saw the lights in the rear view mirror and sighed as the siren came on, "Great," he said looking over at House who was sitting stiffly.

House's heart seemed to stop as he heard the siren. He took deep breath as remembered how last time he got pulled over turned out. He let his hand wrap around his pocket knife and held onto it as if his life depended on it.

"Greg can you get me the insurance card from the glove box?" Wilson asked for the second time but still the man didn't budge so he grabbed it out himself, not having time to worry with Greg.

"Hello, I need your drivers license and insurance," the officer said.

"Here you go officer," Wilson said with a hesitant smile.

He looked over the documents, "Dr. Wilson, the reason I pulled you over is that you're passenger side brake light is out in the back. Did you know about that?"

"No sir, I'll be sure to get it fixed first thing tomorrow. I appreciate you pulling me over to let me know," Wilson said with his best smile.

The officer looked at Wilson and decided that would do, "Alright, but you need to go straight home and if I pull you over again because of this it'll be a ticket, you understand."

"Yes, but that won't happen, I'll be sure to get it taken care of tomorrow, thank you again officer." Wilson said.

The officer nodded and just noticed House as he peeked in through Wilson window to look over at him, "Is he okay?" the officer asked as House stared at the windshield.

Wilson looked over at Greg and smiled, "Yeah, he's not much of a talker."

"Alright, be careful and safe Dr. Wilson," the officer said handing him back his license and insurance.

"Well that went as good as it could have," Wilson said putting his insurance card back up and started the car. He waited for the cop car to pull out first and then started on his way home. "You know I think we should go back to that club sometime. I really had a good time." Wilson said.

House had opened the blade on the knife in the pocket of his jacket when he'd seen the officer come to the car and was still holding on the the handle as his hand shook some. He kept telling himself everything was okay but he was still too scared to blink or move. He could hear James saying something but couldn't hear the words over his own heart beats that were ringing in his ear. He felt his stomach clench. "Pull over," he said trying to sound strong.

Wilson had been talking about the drinks at the club when he heard Greg whisper something. "You aren't even listening are you? What did you say?" he asked glancing over and for the first time noticing how much paler Greg looked.

"Pull over," House said swallowing in a attempt to keep his stomach contents down.

Wilson noticed the way his lips were shaking and quickly pulled over and parked, "Greg are you.." he stopped as the door opened and Greg toppled out of car and retched. "Shit," he said and unbuckled his seat belt then got out of the car and ran over to Greg. "Hey," he said putting a hand on his should as he was on all fours spitting out the vomit from his mouth, but Greg jerked and moved to his left side with a knife in his shaking hand.

"Don't... touch me," House said as his whole body was nothing but tension and shaking. He looked over to the side and puked some more.

Wilson was confused, "Greg what's wrong and put the knife away."

"No, he could come back," House said spitting out the renominates from his mouth.

"Who," Wilson said looking around and then it hit him, Greg was afraid about the cop. "Greg he's gone, he's not coming back. Just... put down the knife." He said with concern and reached out for it.

House let him take it then rolled so that he was sitting with his legs stretched out then he noticed the bridge over them and started scrambling back towards the car. "Get me out of here," he said trying to open the locked door.

"Hey, just calm down, you're safe here, nothings going to happen," Wilson said looking around.

"It already did, this is where Tritter took me.. this is where he..." House was still trying to get in the car. "Unlock the damn car James!"

Wilson pressed the button and watched as Greg crawled up into it. He never would get use to seeing fear on House's features it just didn't seem natural. He closed the knife and put it in his pocket as he walked over to his door and got in. As soon as he did Greg locked the car, "I'm not ever going to let anyone hurt you again Greg, look at me, alright?"

House looked past him to the other side of the road, "That's where he did it," he said flatly with dark features. "He first told me to give him a blow job, when I refused he tazed me. My hands were already cuffed behind my back so I couldn't defend myself. I thought... if I just got it over with that would be all it was but it wasn't."

Wilson suddenly felt the need to vomit as well. He started the car, "Let's get back to the apartment," he said and drove off.

"Do you want to know more?" House asked looking straight out the windshield as he saw buildings and trees pass.

This had been their first date and before the cop had stopped him it had been going well but the idea of ending it with Greg describing what it was like to be raped by Tritter wasn't alluring. Then again if he passed now, there was no guarantee that House would ever offer to talk about it again. "Yes," Wilson answered looking to Greg, "If you're ready to tell me more."

House frowned, "After he was stimulated he pulled me by my hair onto my back then pulled down my pants and pulled my shirt over my arms. He bit my privates while pressing into my scar on my leg after a couple of minutes he put on a condom and rolled me on my stomach... the scars aroused him more and I struggled. When he penetrated me I could feel myself tearing. I tried to block what was happening out of my mind and it stopped... I looked up at him as he stood up watching me, I thought it was over but he just wanted to change positions. Without my cane and my hands cuffed, he had to help me up and over," he sighed looking out the window, "to the hood of the car. He grabbed me by the crater in my leg and my hair... the pains was...he was rough... I puked on the car and it pushed him over the edge, he cam. He pulled out and told me to swallow the evidence or he'd shock me again, I did," he said with shame staring at his knees as he could feel James's eyes on him. "He cut of my underwear and used it to wipe up the blood, then threw them somewhere. He righted my clothes and put me in the back of his police car then drove me to the police station. He promised me he would do it again and said that I was such an ass no one would even believe me if I told."

Wilson had been parked outside Greg's apartment ever since Greg had started talking about the changing of positions. He was watching Greg with disgusted and shocked features. House's posture was sunken and his eyes where now closed. Wilson felt helpless as he wished there was something he could say that would help him.

House opened his eyes and looked over at James, "Don't cry," he said as his cold hand wiped away some tears from James's face.

Wilson wasn't aware that he'd been crying until that moment and he captured Greg's hand with his. "I believe you Greg just like I would have then if you'd told me. I will always believe you."

House frowned, "But do you still love me?"

Wilson gasped as he felt more tears fall, "Of course I do Greg! What he or anyone else did to you will never change that."

"So you still want to touch me and kiss me... even after... after what he did?" House asked skeptically with confused eyes. "You still find me sexy and want to be with me sexually?"

Wilson put his hands on the side of Greg's face, "Yes... not right this minute but... yes I still find you sexy and I still want to be intimate with you." He said and closed his eyes as he kissed Greg softly but was surprised when he felt Greg's tongue lick his bottom lip which he opened. He let his mind focus on just this moment that they were sharing, the feel of their warm lips moving slowly and their tongues gently massaging each other along with salt of his tears and the slight taste of bile. It sounded disgusting but in reality it made him feel closer to Greg than ever before and gave him a feeling like they could make it through anything.

House smirked some when the kiss ended, "Now I just have to hope I still look sexy with a bald head."

And with that Wilson's was brought back to earth where Greg had Burkitt Lymphoma and was bound by a wheelchair. As he thought about the troubles Greg had faced in his life, he realized that the only way a man who'd lived House's life could smirk about such a thing was if he didn't believe in God. "You made the cane look sexy and wheelchair, I don't think a hair style will be able to take away from all that hotness." He said back with a soft smile of his own.

House laughed loudly and in the seconds where it faded he made up his mind on something; it was time he take a risk. "We should go inside," he said. They made their way out of the cold night air and James washed his face while House rinsed his mouth out properly. When House rolled out of the bathroom he saw James sitting on the couch.

"So what were you wanting to watch tonight?" Wilson asked as he looked through the recorded shows on the DVR. "There's Alex's 3some Fun, Bareback Riding, Charlie Brown's Christmas Special," he blinked to make sure he'd read what he thought he did and then continued, "Chicago Hope Hospital, Forever Monster Trucks, Human Evolutions Next Leap, Jersey Shore, Led Zepplin Backstage,..."

"I wanted to talk," House said.

Wilson laughed, "Yeah right. So what do you want to watch." He waited for an answer but when he didn't get one he looked over the couch to see Greg watching him with a nervous look. His eyebrows rose, "You're serious? Well, come and sit down. We can talk."

House looked around at the windows and back at the couch, "I was wanting to talk in the bedroom."

Wilson got up giving Greg a curious look, "Okay?" he said and slowly walked to the bedroom as Greg followed him. He made up the bed wondering what the talk was going to be about, considering what all was going on it could be anything and hopefully it wouldn't be some new problem entirely. He sat down at the foot of the bed, "So talk."

House was filled with doubt the more the thought this over but swallowed them down with a vicodin. "I've been thinking about somethings and although this is sooner than I ever thought about doing this, situations are going to force this to happen sooner than I had hoped."

"What are you talking about?" Wilson asked now getting confused.

"My body has a lot of scars," House said while looking at the ground then glanced up to James, "I never walked around naked in front of Stacy or anyone else I dated. I think she might have seen the one on my lower back once, but she never mentioned it. But this is different, you're my doctor and there are going to be more and more times you'll have to see more and more of me, not to mention that I might need your help some at home as the treatments start effecting me. I don't want you to discover things about me that way, on a gurney or while undressing me because I'm to weak to do it myself." He swallowed, "So the only way to make sure that doesn't happen is to let you see everything before hand. I figure if you can handle hearing what Tritter did to me, than you can handle some scars."

"What changed from noon today till now?" Wilson asked.

"I didn't want you to see it like that, as my doctor, and I wasn't ready, but now you're here as my boyfriend and if I waited till I was ready I might never get there." House said honestly and stood up as he grabbed the bed for support and worked on the buttons on his shirt with his left hand.

Wilson stood up, "I can help with that," he said looking up to see Greg look away and nod. This was awkward to be undressing a man who so clearly didn't want to be but he had an idea to change that. He kissed the exposed part of House's neck and sucked on it softly then undid one button, letting his hand slide between the dress shirt and the tee shirt. Another kiss and another button, by the time the dress shirt was off they were kissing deeply and Wilson had a hand up Greg's shirt slowly pushing it higher. They broke off the kiss so the shirt could go over his head and Greg took it off and turned so that the back of his legs were against the bed as both of his hands were on the edge of it behind him with worry. "I love you, it's okay," Wilson whispered as one hand grazed his face and he kissed Greg's warm swollen lips.

House kissed him back but pulled away as he felt of James's hand on the waist of his leather pants and his left hand gently held on to James's wrist, shaking some. "James, can you not ask a lot of questions about this?"

"No questions," Wilson said back as his right hand joined his left at the button on the top of Greg's pants and noticed the shaking of the hand increase as Greg closed his eyes. He stopped his movements, "Greg are you sure about this?"

House swallowed, as he opened his eyes looking down at Wilson's hands, "I was so out of it when Cuddy saw. I was drunk and I'd taken more than enough Vicodin that I wasn't even sure of what was happening."

Wilson frowned, "We don't have to do this. You don't have to do this."

"I want this to work James. I love you and I don't want this to happen at the hospital or while you're helping me. Let's just get this over with," House said with a frown of his own as he looked in James's eyes.

Wilson pouted, "Greg I don't know if I can do this. You obviously don't want to do this, I feel like I'm hurting you or at the very least taking advantage of you."

House leaned his forehead against James's, "You're not. It's okay."

"Then why is your hand shaking?" Wilson asked softly.

"Because I'm scare you wont want me after you see. I need you're help James's... please don't stop." House whispered.

Wilson tilted his head and kissed Greg's collar bone which showed signs of an old break, but he didn't let himself think to much about it as he kissed the crevice of Greg's neck while his hands slowly undid the button. He heard a small distressed noise leave Greg and his hand tighten some as it shook; he told himself it was because of the pleasure that he was inflicting on the mans neck. His lips found Greg's as he ever so slowly unzipped the pants. There was something sad and beautiful about this whole situation that made his skin tingle as his finger tips slipped down feeling the warmth of the skin that covered Greg's hip bones. He felt himself getting hard as Greg whimpered during their kiss and pulled back some to breath.

House pulled at James's tie loosening it and then pulling it off, as his glanced up to meet James's eyes hoping this was okay. Maybe he'd feel more comfortable if he wasn't the only one naked. James nodded granting him the silent request. House looked back down and unbuttoning each button with only his left hand as he was using his right one for support. James pulled it off when he was done along with his undershirt and moaned as House sucked on his jaw, which encouraged House to rake his teeth against his neck.

Wilson undid his slacks and moved Greg's hand inside his boxers. He groaned as Greg stroked him and let his hands go back to Greg's hips. He let them slip lower squeezing Greg's ass cheeks and feeling the pants slide down a little. He kissed Greg's lips as he dragged the pants and underwear down. His cheeks blushed as House's hand tightened around his member, it felt like it was vibrating because of the shaking. "Oh, Greg that's good," he moaned.

House pushed on James's pants until they fell off and sat down some on the bed. James put a hand on his shoulder and guided him back as he climbed on top of him. House scooted back some, this was starting to concern him as he wasn't sure if this was just making out or if Wilson was wanting to take this to next level too. James crawled with him, taking off his shoes and pants along with House's. "What do you want from me?" House whispered with closed eyes.

Wilson looked down at him and realized that this was turning into a lot more than what Greg had offered. Greg was frowning his eyes still closed shut as his shaky hand worked on his cock. If Greg was ready for sex he would jump all over it, technically he kind of already had considering he was straddling Greg, but obviously he wasn't comfortable with this. He put his hand on Greg's shaky one and noticed the grimace on his lips, then softly pushed it away.

House opened his eyes looking at Wilson's chest, "I can do better," he said in a low voice as he tried to satisfy James again.

Wilson grabbed his wrist pinning it above his head and the other one too. "Shhh, it's okay," he said and saw Greg swallow then look distantly to the side. He quickly let go of Greg's thin wrists. "I wasn't... I would never do something against you're will Greg. The reason I stopped you was because as good as it felt that's not why you asked me in here." He leaned on his side so he was laying next to him and saw Greg's eyes meet his. "Show me?" he asked.

"There some scars on my genitals, my butt, and my lower back," House said watching James tentatively.

Wilson sat up and looked down at Greg's genitals, to see scars from cuts and burns. His stomach had a sinking feeling as he stared at the circular burns that reminded him all to much of the burns in Greg's arm pits. Greg moved his left leg, turning his knee out when Wilson saw the shine of another scar. He gently touched the inner thigh and he could see several thin straight scars. "You cut yourself," echoed from his lips into the silence of the room.

House turned his leg so the scars wouldn't show, "You promised no questions."

"It wasn't a question," Wilson said looking at House with concern. "I'm begging you, please stop hurting yourself Greg. I love you so much and knowing you don't love yourself half as much I do is bad enough but seeing the proof that you hate yourself... please stop." he said softly and swallowed.

House sat up and kissed James softly, "I haven't cut myself since we got together, and I promise not to as long as we are together."

Wilson looked in those bright blue eyes and licked his lips from that soft sweet kiss that made him want to take Greg right here. "Turn over," Wilson said in a low voice as he kept his eyes on Greg.

House tensed up a little at the demanding command and the hungry look in James's eyes. He knew that look, the look that said I want to fuck you so long and hard you can't walk normal for two weeks. He swallowed and rolled on his left side, not feeling completely comfortable rolling on his stomach which would put him in a more vulnerable position.

Wilson saw for the first time the cute bubble butt bare that he'd groped on several occasions and had to stop himself from groping it again as he felt his penis twitch at the thought. "Lean just a little more over," he said because he could only see a little of the scaring clearly since light wasn't on it all properly and when Greg moved just the little he did Wilson no longer had to fight impure thoughts because they vanished. He gasped as he read the vulgar words that had been carved into his babe, "Who would do...," he said softly and put a gentle hand on Greg's right hip to feel the body below it shiver. He swallowed and looked back at Greg's scared up back and put a kiss between his shoulder blades, "I'm so sorry babe," he said as he could feel the man breathing rapidly. He looked back down it and noticed the marks underneath it but didn't understand their purpose, "What are the marks below it for?"

"A tally," House said in a strained voice.

"A tally for..." Wilson started but suddenly like a cold bucket of water he understood and felt sick at his stomach. He pulled Greg's thin back to his chest and held the man as his eyes watered some, "No one will ever put another mark on you Greg, I promise you that, NEVER!" He said holding Greg tightly.

House let out a relieved breath and turned his head so he could see James, "Say that again."

"No one will put another mark on you, EVER, I promise you that Greg," Wilson said looking in the eyes of a man he's known so long, yet never really known at all. He'd never thought in a million years that House would have such marks on his body or that he'd been abused to the extent he had. He also never would have imagined that House could be as sweet as he could be or so vulnerable and scared that it could break his heart. Or that his lips could feel soooo good, or his tongue (which was usually used to cut people down with) could make him moan so loud...

House finally ended the kiss after hearing the deep moan escape James and was a little impressed with himself as James mouth still hung open and and his eyes were still closed. He smirked as he saw James lick his lips and slowly open his eyes. "You okay? You look a little out of it."

Wilson half smiled before kissing Greg back as he pulled the mans body flush to his. His mouth kept devouring the moan of Greg's as his hand clung onto the mans hip bone. When he was done with Greg's lips it was onto his neck and then his shoulder and his back.

"God I want you so bad," House breathed out with a hand stretched behind him on James's constantly rocking hips.

Wilson just realized he'd been grinding against Greg like some horny teenager. He was so hard it ached and he pulled Greg's ass back some as he thrusted against him, "Are you sure... you're ready?" He asked while panting in Greg's ear.

House bit his lip and quickly grabbed the lube from the night stand and put a couple of drops in his hand that he wrapped around James's hot hard cock which kept poking him in the back. He looked down to see he was getting hard and swallowed, "Please James... please... I need you so bad."

"Oh god! Say that again," Wilson begged as he lubed up a finger and rubbed Greg's opening.

House felt a tear run down his cheek at how good this moment felt and how desired he felt, something he'd never expected. "I need you James... oh... soo good." He said as he looked back over his shoulder at James who was licking his lips and kissed him.

Wilson whimpered as Greg's hand was stroking him perfectly even with his hand behind his back and their tongues danced a fast and hot dance. He pressed his fingertip in Greg's anus softly and the kiss ended as Greg gasped softly. He slid it in deeper and felt some scars, which he tried to ignore but the deeper he got the more their were. He felt some of the heat leaving him as he knew how the scars had gotten there. He swallowed and started trying to feel for Greg's prostate but was overwhelmed by the amount of scar tissue. They were everywhere and his eyes watered as he thought about all the men who had forced themselves into this very place.

"What's wrong?" House asked as he could feel James going limp in his hand and looked back to see that something wasn't right. He stopped his efforts, "James?"

"It's," Wilson started and wondered if he should really be honest because the truth was sad and harsh, "nothing." He closed his eyes trying again to block out the thoughts that each scar he felt with his finger brought.

House could feel that all of the passion and excitement of what they were doing had suddenly faded, "Obviously that isn't true. Just tell me, what is it."

"I can't," Wilson said softly looking at Greg, "I'm sorry."

House frowned, everything had been going so great until now and he didn't want to let go of it "If this is because of the scars on my back we can change positions."

"No, it's not that," Wilson said looking in Greg's confused eyes. "It's the scars on the inside," he said moving his finger slight to illustrate his point. "I can feel them and I can't stop thinking about... what they did to you."

House's bottom lip shook as his face turned to disgust then he quickly pulled away from Wilson, who's finger slid out of him, and got quickly under the covers pulling them around him tightly with his knees pressed in his chest. "I knew this was too good to be true. Can you just leave?" He said as he felt his eyes sting as they watered up some.

Wilson felt his heart drop as he saw Greg get in the fetal position turned away from him. "I'm so sorry Greg," he said as he moved closer to the small bundle. "It's not your fault and I know that, it's my issue. There's just so much scaring... maybe next time will be different since I know it's there." He said wrapping his arms around Greg.

"What did you expect to find in a place labeled a 'Whore Hole'?" House asked bitterly, shrugging James's arms off of him.

"You're not a WHORE so quit referring it as that," Wilson said back defensively. "You're not a whore."

House scoffed, "Maybe not but that doesn't mean I'm not tore up like one. Now can you just GET OUT for an hour. I'm sure you can find something to do, like washing your hands." He said closing his eyes as he wished he could deal with this for a moment on his own.

Wilson frowned at the lump in the covers that was Greg. "I love you," he said softly as he moved to the edge of the bed.

House sighed deeply, "I know, I love you too."

"Can I get you anything?" Wilson asked as he got off the bed.

_A new life_, House thought but swallowed and shook his head.

"Promise me you wont hurt yourself," Wilson said as he stopped at the door, unable to go farther until he said it.

House had been thinking about how much better it would feel to drag the razor over his skin and watch it bleed, how good it would feel to know he had some control over something, but he'd promised James he wouldn't. "I promise," he said back stronger than he felt and soon heard the door close as James left.


	33. Chapter 33: 101 Guide to Fixing a House

**Sorry, I know it's been a while since I posted a new chapter on this story but there has been a lot going on. The good news is... here's a new chapter. YEAH! If you've also been keeping up with The Greater Good Continued story then I'm letting you know now that by the weekend there will be two new chapters up. I'm finished with them, just want to give my beta reader a chance to look over them. This chapter was not looked over by my beta reader due to some computer problems, so sorry if there are some mistakes. Hope you enjoy the new chapter and thanks for the continued support. Remember to Read, Enjoy and Review! Nicole**

Greg cursed softly as he felt some tears run down his face, then turned his face into the pillow as more tears came out. He'd expected James to find him disgusting and run out on him after one look at the words etched in his back, but he hadn't. Not only did he not run, James had still found him to be sexually attractive, a thought which only made him cry harder and he pushed his face deeper in the pillow to insure he wasn't heard. It had been going so well, too well for his life, showing James his scars and then the sudden shift in their raw emotions to love and desire. The feeling of James grinding against him, his hard penis softly moving between his butt cheeks as the man kissed him down his back. It had felt like a dream. James's rubbing the lube on his hole softly and then putting in a finger had touched his heart. He'd never been handled with that much care, all the other men had just forced their way in, usually with him screaming and fighting. Some how he'd expected the same from James, even though this was consensual. He didn't expect the tenderness or the huge rush of emotion that came with it, and he definitely didn't expect it to feel so good to start with. He'd instantly became hard from that touch, even though it hadn't lasted long before James had become limp in his hand because of the internal scars. His body shook as he cried at the loss of something so moving and powerful that he'd never even expected to experience it.

Wilson was standing on the other side of Greg's door as tears ran down his face, he moved his right hand to wipe them away when he suddenly remember where that hand had been. He cried harder as he wiped his eyes with his left hand and slowly made his way to the bathroom. He washed his hand and splashed some cold water on his face. He had to be the strong one here, he had to fix this, or at the very least not make it any worse. He looked at the door that opened to House's room from the bathroom and silently walked over, opening it just enough to see Greg's body shaking with his head pressed into a pillow and the silent tears started flowing again. He softly closed it and rinsed his face again. He walked into the living room looking around for an answer of some sort. Greg had opened up to him about something that was tragic and very personal, which had made him feel closer and love the man even more deeply along with with a protectiveness for Greg more powerful than he'd ever felt. He'd meant his promise to Greg, he'd rather die than for Greg to ever have to be hurt like that again. Then Greg had kissed him, it had started off so soft and then grew with need and he'd given into that need. He could still remember how good it had felt to have Greg's warm body pressed to his and the desire he'd felt to make love to him like he deserved. Wilson closed his eyes trying to keep anymore tears from leaking out as he remembered how good it had been to hear Greg say that he wanted him again and again. It had been perfect, as if it was some movie, until... until he felt the scars on the inside of his lover. He wished he wasn't a doctor, then he wouldn't have realized what he was feeling, but he was and he couldn't help knowing. He'd known Greg had been raped and thought he'd made peace with it in terms as a lover until he'd felt those scars. Honestly he should have expected them, but that would have required him really thinking a lot about Greg being raped, which he hadn't done because it still made him feel sick. Now Greg was hurting and it was because of him not being prepared. Wilson opened his eyes looking down to see his hands shaking and let out a shaky breath. He needed to fix the damage he'd done, he need to make this better, but how?

Wilson's eyes were moving quickly, trying to find something that would help and then his eyes landed on his phone. He walked over to it on numb legs, he knew of one person that might be able to give him some good advice about this, well two, but only one that he'd feel okay calling. He picked up the phone feeling scared and yet hopeful as he found the name and pressed send. His heart seemed to beat faster with each ring and then suddenly he's heart seemed to stopped as the phone was answered.

"James," the man said.

Wilson could hear the movement of covers and bed, then a woman ask who was on the phone.

"It's a patient Siri. Go back to bed, I'll take this in the office," Henry said to her, then got out of bed and started towards the office. "What is it James?" he asked in a soft concerned tone.

Wilson immediately felt guilty for waking the man, "I'm sorry, I... I just didn't know of anyone else to call about this. I... sorry, I'll figure it out on my own. Tell your wife I'm sorry for the disturbance." He said in a shaky voice.

"No, your going to talk to me James. I wouldn't have given you my cell if I didn't trust that you would be responsible with it. I've been your psychologist for two years now and this is the first time you've called me on it, now please talk to me," Henry said.

Wilson thought about the request and looked down, then was suddenly aware that he was still naked. "One minute," he said and put the phone on the end table then walked in the bathroom, grabbing a pair of pajama bottoms from the hamper and grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen before sitting down on the couch and picking back up the phone. "Alright. Well, House and me are dating now."

"I know that is what you were hoping for during our last talk, so how has it been going?" Henry asked.

Wilson sighed, "In some ways it's been really great, but it's hard. He's been abused by a lot of people, and his health issues make things all the more complicated."

Henry got out a notebook and pen, "James, the first question I need to ask is what brought on this call?"

"Oh, yeah that makes sense," Wilson said and swallowed as he thought about what had happened. "Um... okay, so he was showing me some scars on his back..." he said and faded off as he thought more about what had been done to Greg.

Henry waited for James to continue but when he didn't Henry decided it would be best to help him along. "Was there something special about the scars?"

Wilson sighed heavily and sniffled some, "Yeah, they were on the front and back of his pelvic region and he's never really shown anyone them. There were burns and cuts on and around his genitals and above his bottom... there uh... was words carved into him." He said and sniffled again. "It said 'Whore Hole', and below it there were marks... marks for each of the men that had raped him."

Henry now understood more as to why James sounded so emotional on the phone and drew a line down the center of his paper, labeling the left side James and the right side House. "Did you know he'd been raped by more than one man before seeing the marks?"

"Yes, he'd told me when we first agreed to start dating. He's been raped by eleven men, some of them more than once." Wilson said then remember he'd been trying to explain why he'd called. "He was afraid to show me the scars because he was afraid I wouldn't find him attractive anymore, but it didn't make me run. Instead it make me love him more that he could trust me enough to show it to me, and made me feel protective over him. I held him tight and told him I'd never let someone mark him again, then he kissed me... and it progressed. He said he wanted me, and since we haven't... had anal sex yet I asked him if he was sure and he said he was." Wilson said trying to look back on it objectively and make sure he hadn't missed any signals that said Greg wasn't.

"So you two had sex?" Henry asked.

"No, it never quite got to that," Wilson said shortly.

"James, I'm going to need to know specifically what you two did and why it stopped," Henry said softly.

Wilson felt his cheeks blush some, "I feel... awkward about this."

"It's okay, take your time, but remember I'm not going to judge you," Henry said back.

Wilson took a deep breath, "We were both naked when he showed me. I think he felt more comfortable showing me while I was naked too so he wasn't the only one. After he said he was ready he started giving me a hand job and I started to finger him, I wanted to make sure I was gentle with him. I used lube but when my finger penetrated him... I started feeling the internal scars... and I don't know." He sighed heavily, "I'm a doctor, I should have expected it, but I hadn't really been trying to over think the rapes because it makes me feel sick to imagine that happening to him. Anyways, there was a lot of scarring and I couldn't stop thinking about it which dampened the mood for me and Greg could tell because I deflating in his hand. He kept asking what was wrong, and I didn't want to answer him because there was no nice way to say it, but he wouldn't let it go... so I told him it was the scarring on the inside of him and that I couldn't stop thinking about what they'd done to him." He frowned looking at the ground, "He was upset of course and pulled away from me. He got under the cover in the fetal position and asked me to leave, I tried to comfort him physically and with words but he pushed me away and continued to ask me to leave. I didn't want to leave him, but as upset as he was I felt like I owed him his space if that what he wanted. I told him I loved him and asked him not to hurt himself before I left."

Henry put down his pen, "James, are you okay?"

Wilson didn't know what to say for a moment, to be honest he hadn't given much thought to how he felt, just on how to make Greg feel better. "I'm... upset, mainly disappointed in myself. This isn't the first time I've hurt him, ever since we've started dating it seems like I'm always hurting him in someway, if only I'd thought about it and been ready for those scars..." he said as his voice faded off.

Henry sighed softly, "James, there is a difference between knowing something and feeling something. It's just as possible that if you had acknowledged that he might have internal scars that when you felt them you still would have reacted the same way." He paused giving Wilson time to consider what he'd said. "James, there is something I must ask you and I want to let you know that whatever your answer is I'm here to help."

"Okay," Wilson said a little worried.

"Do you love him?" Henry asked softly

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House hadn't allowed himself to cry too long over what had happened and now was laying on his back with the covers pulled up to his armpits and his hand behind his head with his pajamas on. He wished he'd asked Wilson to turn off the light when he left, but he hadn't. His eyes were red and burned a little more with each blow of the wind from the ceiling fan, which he was staring out. From the outside he looked fairly peaceful, but his mind was running fast on all the ways that James could leave him. So far he was betting that he wouldn't even comeback in the room; he'd probably just get in his car and drive away without a word. In a way House found that way the easiest, no fighting, no awkward talks, just an clear action that said 'this isn't going to work for me.' No matter how he left House was determined not to let a tear fall this time, even if it killed him to see James leave, and even if he was tired and raw from everything else.

_A bitter laughter filled his ears, "You're so pathetic. I told you he didn't love you, no one could. You're broken, because you're WEAK!" John's voice echoed._

House closed his eyes seeing his father gaze down at him, he was so much shorter as if he were still a child. He bared his teeth, "You're one to talk, you're the one who broke me, this is you're fault," he whispered in a low voice.

"_No boy, you were born weak, just like your mother. I was gone for six month, but it only took her two to spread her legs for another man and let him fuck her. To bad she wasn't on the pill, then you wouldn't be here, of course woman are supposed to be weak. They need to be dominated to feel wanted and I wasn't there to do my job as a husband and I've had to pay for that mistake everyday that people think you're my son." John said his blue eyes glaring darkly down on House._

House scoffed, "I'm sure it couldn't be any worse that people thinking you were my father!" he spit back.

_John slapped him hard and House fell to the ground, "You've always been an ingrate! I should have let you die instead of damning the world with your existence!"_

"I would have picked death any day over what you did," House said standing back up in his mind.

_John smirked, "I'm sure you would've, like I said, you're WEAK." He said and looked House up and down, "You like to pretend, don't you Greg? Like right now, in your mind you can stand and walk just like everyone else, but that isn't reality is it. No, in real life you're in a fucking wheelchair, because you're WEAK! You pretend to be strong, wish it, but in reality your a WEAK WEAK CRIPPLE FAGOT!" He said with a satisfied grin._

"I had to listen to enough of your bullshit growing up, I shouldn't have to listen to it now. Get out," House whispered feeling both sad and angry.

"_Get out," John mocked in a feminine voice. "Boy, how fucking stupid are you! This is in your head!" He smiled and laughed, "You know why I think I'm here? I'm here because you need a voice of reason, and I'm it!"_

"You ever notice something about your appearances dear old... fart." He said noticing his father narrow his eyes. "What? You didn't really expect me to call you dad did you? You only pop up in my head when I'm expecting something really bad to happen and you know what it helps."

_John appraised him with a tight jaw and narrowed eyes, but his eyebrows gave away that he was more confused than angered. "And how do I help you?"_

House smirked some, he always found it quite amusing how John was too stupid to figure out any thought deeper than a clear command. "You're here to remind me of how much worse it's been. I don't want James to leave me, but if he does, I'm sure I'll make it. You know how?" He watched as John raised an eyebrow, "Because I made it through living with you. I made it through the beatings, the ice-baths, the nights chained outside, the days without food or water, and every repugnant thing you said or did to me."

"_Oh Greg, don't lie to yourself. I remember us having some good times too," John said with a small smile._

House opened his eyes quickly taking in a shaky deep breath and feeling his stomach clench. The cool air feeling his lungs were welcomed along with the view of the spinning blades of the ceiling fan and the light bulbs.

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"Let me ask that in a more clear way. Do you love him enough to be willing to work for a relationship that's going to require a lot of time and effort, knowing that it still might not work out in the end?" Henry asked.

"YES!" Wilson yelled and suddenly realized how loud he had been and spoke softer to keep House from getting curious. "Yes I love him, and yes he's worth it. You have no idea what that man has been through and what he's done for me. I'm not just going to run away with my tail tucked in between my legs because he's been abused or has Burkitt Lymphoma, or can't walk or is an Atheist. He's a good man even if he's damaged and I'm not giving up on him."

Henry was a little shocked at first by the anger in James's voice but then smiled, "You weren't kidding about feeling protective of him, were you? James, I wasn't meaning to upset you and I'm sorry if it came across as a cruel question." He waited for that to sink in a little before asking something that was still on his mind. "James, I'm sorry if this sounds dense, but I'm still not sure what you're wanting me to do?"

Wilson took a sip of water and calmed down a little, feeling embarrassed at how he'd snapped at Henry. "I'm sorry I'm not being very clear. I don't have any idea what to say or do when I go back in there. He asked for an hour and I'm giving him that, but... I just don't want to make this any worse on him."

"Ah," Henry said, "well I knew it wouldn't be an easy question if you called me in the middle of the night to get the answer. I can tell you I'm not going to be able to give you any kind of answer without knowing more about House."

Wilson nodded, "Anything I say about him, it's confidential right?"

"Yes, of course James," Henry said and waited, giving James time.

Wilson swallowed looking at the door of Greg's room. "Okay, he was severely abused by his father physically, emotionally and verbally. Sick stuff, like tying him up in a tree for his father and his buddy's to hit like a punching bag, he was forced to eat outside, he was burned with cigars, whipped in the front lawn in his underwear. When he was sixteen his father signed him up for the Marines. Greg hated the Marines and hates himself because of the people he killed when he was in it." Wilson said looking at the clock.

Henry found the information interesting but not all that helpful, ten people could experience the same thing and all of them have different issues because of it. "James, if you had to describe House emotionally, what would it be?"

Wilson's lip twitched as he thought about it. "Greg's got trust issues that run deep and because of that he doesn't allow himself to get close to people. All of the stuff I told you before is stuff I've found out in just the last couple of weeks, but we've been friends for around eight years now, and I'm sure there is still a lot he's never told me, and maybe never will." He sighed at the truth he'd never voiced, "Even though he is more than confident in his worth as a doctor, he has no self worth. He's got an abandonment issues, and I haven't helped. I've threatened to leave a couple of times when he refused to open up about things and once I actually left and he.." Wilson voice became shaky, "he begged me not to go, said he'd do anything. I left anyway but I couldn't even make myself leave the building because he was so upset and I was worried, when I checked in on him he was in shock. I hurt him so bad, and it wasn't even his fault. I left because I was getting scared of the amount of emotions I felt for him, they're deeper than I've ever experienced and I was afraid of getting hurt." He took a sip of water trying to calm himself. "He's offered up sex several times to try to appease me when I've gotten angry or upset with him, like a bargaining chip." Wilson scoffed, "He actually looked surprised when I didn't take him up on it, but... I don't see how he could think I would, he was shaking like a leaf most of the times, or crying." He swallowed, "He has vivid nightmares about his father and when he's distressed... there have been a couple of times I've found him clawing at his ears and head because he was hearing Tritter or his fathers voice in his head."

Henry looked at his notes and sighed, "Would you describe him as emotional fragile?"

"Um... I don't know, fragile isn't a word I would have ever used to describe Greg," Wilson said.

Henry nodded, "I'm going to ask this as clear as possible because I'm under the impression time is of the essence. Do you think he would ever hurt himself or even worse kill himself?"

Wilson's chin shook, "Yes, he's very self destructive and I know of at least one time that he's admitting attempting suicide. I just found out tonight that he cuts himself."

"James, I'm sure I don't need to say this, but I still have too. Greg needs help, more than a friend or even a romantic partner can give him. It sounds like he'd holding on to a thread at the top of a huge mountain, and just one slip could have some very dangerous consequences," Henry said and could hear James sob some. "I would be more than willing to take him on, you might could at least get him to come in with you for couples counseling."

"Thank you so much, I'll try to talk him into it, even if I do it's going to be tough to schedule with his cancer treatments, but I'll try." Wilson said not letting his hope get too high.

Henry nodded, "Tell me more about his health at the moment."

"Well, you already knew about the infarction, but right after our last session I visited him to talk about the blackouts and wanting to give us a shot and he passed out." Wilson closed his eyes remembering that day better than he wanted, "I thought I'd lost him but luckily I hadn't. He'd lost an incredible amount of weight, especially considering he was underweight to began with, but they found the cause, he huge tumors in his stomach. They were removed and benign but he'd lost so much muscle that he couldn't walk with the cane anymore and had to go to a wheelchair. He hates wheelchairs, I'm pretty sure they remind him of the infraction and his fear of never getting out of it. Anyway, yesterday I confirmed he has Burkitt Lymphoma."

"What do you mean, 'you confirmed'?" Henry asked.

Wilson sighed, "He asked me to be his doctor."

"And you said yes? James even before you two started dating, it would have been wrong, but now that you're sharing a romantic relationship this isn't just wrong it's dangerous." Henry warned.

"Ever since the infarction I've been his doctor," Wilson said a little defensively. "He doesn't trust people, but he does me. He can't show vulnerability to other people, but he sometimes can with me!" As he said it, he suddenly remember House looking at him with scared eyes and telling him that the ketamine treatment was wearing off, and felt sick as he remembered how he'd responded. "You don't understand him Henry. He'd suffer in pain rather than to admit to someone else that the pain is too much, except me and Cuddy. He hates pity or anything that even remotely looks like it and he hates to appear as weak or scared, even if he is. Those are things he'll allow himself to admit to me, but not to most people."

Henry could understand why House would have a problem with admitting such things given the little history he had of the man, even though he didn't think James should be his doctor. "James, I can tell you're not going to change your mind on this no matter what I say, but I'm hoping you'll at least consider a word of advice. If you are going to do this I would suggest that you bring in another Oncologist to the case, to work with you, someone who you trust but is emotionally detached from Greg, for his sake and yours."

Wilson thought about it. It was actually a really good idea, he too was afraid that this could all blow-up in their face but was too afraid to leave House's care strictly in the hands of another doctor. "I don't know why that idea never crossed my mind, but I do agree that it would make me feel better and more confident to have another pair of eyes on the case. Thank you, I'll do that."

Henry let out a relieved sigh, "I'm happy to hear that James. As for the problem at hand, you'll need to be adapting, because I can't say with any certainty how he'll react when you see him. I would assume by what you've said that he'll be distant, and will probably be expecting you to leave him..."

"I'm not going to do that! It's not his fault his fault that those men... that they did that to him, and I love him," Wilson said back with emotion.

"Hey, calm down. It's okay James, I know that but you've got to understand with his low self-esteem and fear of abandonment that he might not completely believe he deserves for you to stay. He might not even believe you love him, because he doesn't think he deserves to be loved or can't even truly love himself." Henry said softly.

Wilson wiped his eyes some while nodding at the sad truth.

Henry took his silence as understanding and continued. "You need to reassure him both physically and emotionally, but you're going to have to be careful not to be pushy, to someone who's been abused, coming off too strong could make him feel like he's being forced. Just start with telling him how you feel about him and then hold his hand, if he pulls away then let him and start over. If he's okay with that then maybe you could hold him, and ask him to tell you how he feels. He may talk, he may not, but if he does don't interrupt him, no matter how hard it is to listen just listen. When he's done, don't trivialize his feelings by saying things like 'he should know better', or 'you've got to trust me', or 'you shouldn't feel that way'. There are valid reason for him feeling the way he does given his history and you can't ever forget that. Instead say things like 'I want to understand better, can you explain it more', or 'how can I make you feel different', or even 'thank you for sharing that, I know it had to be hard.'"

Wilson frowned as he realized even situations he'd thought he'd handled right, he hadn't. "I've been pushing him to talk about his family and emotions even when he wasn't ready. I've already messed this up so much."

Henry gave a sad smile, "James you aren't perfect, and I don't think Greg expects you to be. You know it might help if you admit to him that you know you've made some mistakes, but that you're working on being more patient. Also, be gentle, but don't lie. When a child isn't able to create that trust bond with their parents because of abuse then they have huge issues with being lied to by someone that they are trying to trust, even small lies."

Wilson nodded and looked back at the clock, "It's been an hour, that's how long he asked me to wait for. So... should I go back in, or give him some more time?"

"If he said an hour then you should go and ask him if it's okay if you come back in, that way he feels in control." Henry explained.

"Thank you so much Henry, sorry for the interruption," Wilson said even though he was feeling better that he'd called.

"It's fine James, and please call and schedule a session. No relationship is easy, but this is a bit harder than most and I do think talking about it would help, and if you can get Greg to come too that would be even better." Henry said and yawned.

"I'll do that, goodnight Henry," Wilson said and hung up the phone. He looked at the bedroom door and swallowed as he got up. "Ask if he's ready for you to come in, tell him how you feel and try holding his hand, if he resists don't push, ask him to tell you how he feels, if he talks listen, don't trivialize his feelings, maybe hold him" Wilson said to himself and let out a big breath of air, then opened the door to see House's figure stretched on the bed, one hand on his stomach the other rubbing his right thigh from under the covers. "Hey, can I come in?"

House didn't look at him, "Yeah, sure," he said watching the blades of the fan.

Wilson could see the red in Greg's eyes and it made his heart ache, he wanted to run over and hold Greg tight, but he knew that wasn't the right move. "Would you like me to get the light?" he asked softly still not moving.

House nodded and closed his eyes as he knew what was coming. When the light was off he finally felt strong enough in the dark to say what he was feeling. "Go ahead and leave."

Wilson stopped in his tracks, he was halfway between the door and bed in the dark bedroom. "Do you want me to leave?" He said trying to sound strong.

"We both know you're going to leave sooner or later, and I'd just rather get it over with," House said in a hoarse voice.

Wilson wanted to yell that he'd never leave him but he didn't, "Greg, why do you think I'll leave."

House chewed on his lip, "Just go," he said softly as his lip quivered in the darkness.

Wilson could hear the pain in his voice even if he couldn't see it in the dark room. "I'll leave if it's what you want me to do. If you don't want to try this anymore, then I'll go, but I want you to know I love you and I don't want to go Greg." He said as his voice shook some.

"Why?" House asked softly.

Wilson took a deep breath as he stood there trying to say the right thing, "Why do you think I'd want to leave you Greg?"

House grimaced, "Because I'm too damaged by the..." his voice faded off as he took a breath. "I can't satisfy you sexually James, we already know that now and you need sex. You always have and I'm too torn up for you to even... to keep an erection." He said trying to sound strong.

Wilson felt a tear leak out, "Greg, I love you more than I've loved anyone, and I want try and work on this, but I'll leave if you want me too. Please just tell me, do you want me to leave? If you don't think you can handle this I'll go, but baby I don't want to." He said as his voice broke.

House opened his eyes to see James was still were he was when he'd first told him to leave. "I don't want you to go," he whispered.

Wilson took a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, "Can I sit on the bed?" he asked.

"Yeah," House said watching as James slowly made his way to the bed and sat down with his back against the headboard. He looked up at him, "How can this work?" he asked.

Wilson looked at his face, seeing a shimmer of blue from his eyes. He wanted to kiss him and show him how much he was sexually attracted to him but this wasn't the time. "Greg, this was our first time trying and it didn't go as smoothly as either of us wanted, but considering everything it could have gone worse. You could have had a flashback, that's what I was really afraid would happen, but it didn't and I still find you very attractive. I don't have all the answers Greg, but I do know that what I feel for you is worth pursuing." He said and moved his hand between himself and Greg.

House looked at the hand and was a little surprised James hadn't just grabbed his hand, but moved his hand to meet James's anyway. "Maybe... I could get myself ready for you, that way you wouldn't have to feel them." He said looking at how their fingers were laced between one another.

Wilson swallowed, "Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

House shrugged, "Are you going to lay down?" he asked with a little annoyance.

Wilson let out a breathless chuckle and slid down under the covers and realized that Greg was in pajamas which saddened him. "You get cold?"

House leaned on his side looking James in the eyes, "What did you think, when you saw me completely naked tonight? What went through your head?" He asked with searching eyes.

Wilson thought about it, "I felt a lot of things. I felt anger that so many people have hurt you. I felt arousal at seeing your body nude. I felt protective, because someone hurt something of mine, someone I love so much." He said with moist eyes hoping he hadn't said anything wrong.

"I'm yours?" House said with a since of awe.

Wilson licked his lips afraid he'd came off as forceful, "Greg... I'm not meaning it in a bad way. I'm yours just as much as your mine." He said not back tracking because denying it would be a lie.

House kissed him softly, "Say it again."

Wilson looked into the blue eyes that were so close, feeling Greg's breath on his face, "You're mine." He said and he kissed Greg tenderly.

House increased the intensity of the kiss and when he pulled back there were both out of breath and their lips were redder. "You know, just because we're not ready for full on sex, doesn't mean we can't get off together tonight," he said as he gave James's body a combing over with is eyes.

Wilson wanted to be done with the hard conversation too, especially since it looked like Greg was offering up something so much better. "Greg I've told you how I felt, do you think you could tell me how it made you feel?" He asked.

House pulled back a little, "How what felt?" he asked.

Wilson was worried by the retreat, "All of it, any of it. Just whatever you feel comfortable sharing."

House swallowed and licked his lips. He didn't like talking about stuff like this but the way James had asked made him want to try. "I felt weak and inadequate. You're beautiful with your smooth soft skin and your decent weight, but under your eyes I know I'm just a scarred up bag of bones."

Wilson bit his lips to keep from telling Greg how wrong he was and instead squeezed his hand a little.

House had expect James to attack him for the thoughts but when he didn't he continued. "When you held me and told me you'd never let someone mark me again... it was a relieve. Because I keep thinking no matter how bad or good things get, it'll happen again. That someone will find me alone and they'll see into me and how scared I am and they'll rape me again... and again and it'll never really stop." He said looking at James's bare chest.

Wilson rubbed his arm with his other hand as his lip shook some from that thought.

"But when we kissed, and you started moving against my body... it was like a dream. To know that somehow you still found me sexually stimulating was..." his voice faded as he couldn't find words to explain it. "And when your finger penetrated me, I was scared for a moment, but it felt so good, like all the despair had left, leaving hope in it's place. I really thought we had a shot until..."

Wilson let go of his hand and wrapped his arms around Greg loosely holding him.

"James... it felt so bad to lose that. It really really," he wanted to say hurt but couldn't, "sucked."

"Thank you so much of talking to me about it," Wilson said and he tightened his hold slightly. "I know talking about stuff like this isn't easy for you Greg, but thank you so much for trying baby."

House meet his brown soft eyes with analyzing blue ones. "You're not mad at me, you haven't even yelled at me for having unpleasant thoughts, and you haven't been force feeding me perfect picture of the future that we both know isn't likely." He said with an accusing tone.

Wilson grimaced as he realized how difficult he'd made it for Greg to really feel like he could open up. "You say it like it's a bad thing," he said soft but fast.

House narrowed his eyes, "You feel guilty about something," he said then licked his lips, "James if your going to dump me then just do it already."

Wilson ran a hand across Greg's face, "I'm not leaving, but I called someone when I gave you the hour alone."

House frowned, "You told someone about... us? Wait... did you tell them about my scars!?" he said as he felt himself getting panicked.

"Yes," Wilson said and Greg pushed him away as he glared at him, "Greg let me explain, I..."

"That was PRIVATE! You had no right to gossip about something like that to... who was it? Brandon or Cuddy?" House said as he wrapped the cover tighter around himself.

"I wasn't gossiping, I was worried about you. The way you curled up in that little ball and refused to look at me, scared me Greg and I just wanted to make sure I didn't hurt you anymore. You've been hurt so much, so yes I called someone for advice on how to handle the situation, but it wasn't Brandon or Cuddy. It was Dr. Yung, my..."

"Your Therapist?" House finished for him.

Wilson narrowed his eyes on House, "How would you know that?"

"I've been obsessed with you for years, don't act surprised now," House retorted and then chewed on his lips. "What all did you tell good old Henry?"

Wilson rolled his eyes, "He's not old," he said.

"He's older than we are," House said with a raised eyebrow.

"No, he's not. He's got to be in thirties or something," Wilson argued.

House sighed, "Dr. Henry Yung was born in Chicago, Illinois on March 10th 1955. He attended his undergrad, masters and doctorate classes for Psychology at University of Illinois in Urbana, IL. His GPA was 3.8 and..."

"Jesus House, did you pull a background check too?" Wilson interrupted.

House frowned at the use of his last name, "Did you research the guy at all? I don't see how people just trust someone they know nothing about with their emotional and psychological problems. Now with the internet it's not even hard, but people just don't care enough to look into the people they are putting their faith into."

"And it would be one thing for you to research him if you were going to him, but you weren't," Wilson said with frustration.

House scoffed, "I bet a hundred dollars he told you that you should seriously consider breaking up with me."

Wilson swallowed hard, "He just wanted to make sure I was ready for what I was getting myself into by dating you."

"Oh, is that all," House said back, "and did he seem to have high hopes for us making it?"

"He didn't think it was doomed if that's what you mean," Wilson retorted with frustration.

"What all did you tell him about me James, that's the question you keep avoiding," House asked looking in his eyes.

"Everything," Wilson answered, "I told him about what you're father did to you and about the rapes and the scars on your back. I told him about your issues with trust, abandonment, self-destructive behavior, suicide and the cutting. I even explained your health issues and that you've been offering up sex as a bargaining chip when I'm mad or frustrated with you." He sighed as he watched Greg stare at his chest with disgust on his face. "I didn't do it to hurt you Greg, I did it so I can help."

"Did you tell him about you cheating on me with your ex-wife, or kissing Brandon, or you walking out on me?" He asked in a soft low voice, "There was also the concussion you gave me, along with the spanking, and let's not forget you accusing me of enjoying being raped, that was classy."

Wilson sighed heavily, "I told him about me leaving you, but not about the rest of it. You can tell him about if you want, he suggested us having couples counseling with him. I really think he could help us Greg."

House's eyes met his, "I bet you would, then you'd have someone on your side to tell me how screwed up I am and pushing me to talk about things I don't want to talk about."

"He's good Greg. Look at how much better I handled this with his help, and he won't be on my side about everything. After he told me how he thought I should handle this I realized I'd been making a lot of mistakes with us and I'm going to try to do better, and we don't have to do couples counseling if you don't want to. You could go to him separately if that would make you feel more comfortable." Wilson said with hope.

House was about to say he didn't plan on going to see the man at all, but then something hit him. The hope in James's eyes and how much he wanted this to work out between them. Right now they were struggling and he was just waiting for it to become too much and for James to walk out, but if therapy had any chance of helping, then it might be worth a shot. "You really think this could help?" He asked.

"Yes I do," Wilson said feeling some joy in his heart that Greg was considering it.

House narrowed his eyes on James, "If I do this, then it counts as my cancer counseling too," he bargained.

Wilson blinked at Greg, he'd hoped, but he'd never really expected to hear him agree to it. "Does this mean, you'll do it?"

House rolled his eyes, "I'll try it, I'm not making any promises, and if I..." he was cut off by James kissing him but didn't really mind.

When Wilson ended the kiss he was smiling from ear to ear. "I'm so happy and proud of you Greg. So would you rather do separate sessions of couples counseling?"

House couldn't help but smile while seeing how happy James was. "I would like to do a separate session to start with, and then do couples."

Wilson nodded, "Sounds good, you're amazing Greg, you know that right?"

"Who doesn't," House joked back.


	34. Chapter 34: The Secret's Out

**Hey everyone, well some decisions have been made. I will no longer be using a beta reader, unless someone reading this want's to be my beta reader and can promise me that they can get my work to me promptly. I love having a beta reader, but unfortunately I'm too anxious to wait longer than a week to get my work back to me so I can post it. This might be a hobby to some writers but to me it's therapeutic for me, and the anxiety I get from waiting over a month to get my work compromises the therapy. I hope all of you enjoy the chapters, they will be coming up a lot more frequently and I'm excited to hear what you think of** **them. **

_Dear Guest, _

_Let's just say that the therapy sessions in this story are going to be quite interesting, personally I can't wait to write them! Well as you can see a new chapter is finally up and I'm excited to hear what you think of it._

_Nicole_

Wilson woke up to find himself alone in the bed, it wasn't quite six yet so he checked to the bathroom to find a half dry tub, slightly damp towel and a toilet with piss in it. He rolled his eyes and made use of the toilet then flush. He walked out of the bathroom and into the living room to see Greg smoking a cigarette with a look of being in complete thought about something unpleasant. Wilson was a little surprised Greg hadn't noticed him until he realized he had in his ear buds and was listening to something on the MP3 player. It was rare that he got to see Greg without him knowing so he slowly moved back some, making sure to stay out of his sight as he appraised the man.

The lines around Greg's face seemed more pronounced and there seemed to be more gray in his hair then there had been a week ago. He watched as Greg took a drag off the cigarette and it took everything in him not to rip the stupid cancer delivering device from his lips, but suddenly Greg ripped the ear buds from his ears throwing the whole device halfway across the room.

"Get out of my fucking head you son of a bitch!" He yelled and then hung his head.

Wilson swallowed as he saw House's head hang limply after the harsh words. He watched as House rubbed his left hand across his face and took another deep drag.

House growled, "It can't hurt anymore than what you did to me," he said in a low voice then laughed. "Oh yeah, I bet you loved that! SHUT UP! He loves me, he loves me more than just for sex," he said, though he didn't have much conviction in that statement. "Dammit, just leave already," House said in a tired voice.

Wilson eyes saddened and watched Greg with concern. He wanted to help but didn't really think he could and he knew if he said something to him, he'd probably flip out even more. Greg was going through enough right now for ten people, let alone one. He swallowed as he decide to leave it alone and silently went back into the bathroom and softly closed the door, then got in the shower.

Next time Wilson came out he was dressed for work and putting on a tie. Greg was playing a video game and glanced at him, but didn't say anything as he went back to the game. "So, today's the big day, how are you feeling about everything?" He said as casually as he could. He wanted to give Greg the opportunity to talk if he wanted but not make him feel like he had too.

House shrugged and continued playing a couple more minutes before saving the game and then watching as James worked on getting his tie just right. "Why that one, it's an ugly one?" House asked as he looked at the red tie with thin yellow stripes.

"I thought all my ties were ugly," Wilson said with a slight smile as he straightened it up.

House kept the smirk off his face, "They are, that's just more so."

Wilson chuckled as he stopped fidgeting with the tie. "Greg, are you awkwardly trying to say that there is a tie of mine that you don't completely hate?"

House narrowed his eyes as he looked at James and then the tie, "Noooo," he said back begrudgingly. "I hate them all, but the blue and green ones aren't so ugly that you want to puke before the chemo even starts, that one is."

Wilson walked over standing in front of Greg, "So tell me, which of my ties is your favorite?" He asked with a smug grin. Greg reached up a hand and held the bottom of the tie, looking at it with distaste, then yanked it hard and Wilson had to grab on to the arm rests of the wheelchair to keep from falling. Wilson was about to give him a hard time but he looked up to see Greg's face close to his and then let out a soft sigh as Greg kissed him. It was nice and sweet and short lived, as Greg pulled back before he was ready, looking down with a tight jaw.

House had needed that contact, something more than meaningless words before they got to work and he lost his boyfriend only to gain the colder Dr. Wilson. But not long after the kiss started, he heard James's words ringing in his ear about how he couldn't preform because of the internal scars and with that he pulled back abruptly. "We should go," he said staring at his jogging pants.

Wilson missed those lips and that sweet kiss so bad. He let a hand caress Greg's face, "Why did you stop?" He asked but Greg only shifted his gaze from his pants to the carpet and his jaw tightened more. Wilson was pretty sure it was about last night and sighed, "I love you Greg." He said standing up and started towards the bedroom to change ties.

"Until we enter the hospital, that is," House said coldly.

Wilson stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Greg who had on his casual 'I'm made of stone' mask.

"You know that's not true," He said back with some hostility, and then remembered what Dr. Yung had told him about trivializing how he felt.

House's chin jutted out some but he held his tongue on how he felt, "Hurry up, I need to stop by Cuddy's office before this day begins."

Wilson frowned, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, it's just... I always love Greg and I'm sorry if you don't..."

"Can we not do this right now," House interrupted as he started rolling towards the door.

Wilson swallowed hard, it felt like nothing he did was right. He went in the bedroom to get another tie and looked at the bed, wishing he could fall into it and yell/cry out his frustrations, but this wasn't the time. As hard as all of this was on him, he knew it was harder on Greg and considering he'd witnessed Greg yelling at the voices in his head he would say it was taking a hard toll on him. Wilson threw the tie on the bed and grabbed a blue one that had polka dots on it.

On the way to work neither of them spoke, not about the music on the radio or the weather outside. The silence was filled with tension and when James parked the car neither of them made an attempt to get out. House could tell James was trying to decide if he should say something, so he beat him to it. "I shouldn't have said it," He said glancing at James.

Wilson's lip twitch, "But it's how you feel, isn't it," he said looking to Greg.

House sighed, "Sometimes," he admitted and looked outside his window. "I feel a lot of things, some rational, some not."

Wilson nodded, "I'm going to get someone else to work your case with me. I need a pair of eyes on it that aren't as emotional involved as mine, maybe it'll help."

"Great, so I guess keeping this quiet isn't going to be an option," House said tiredly.

Wilson put his hand on top of Greg's that was resting on the console, "I'm afraid not. Your team is already getting suspicious because of your absence and with the treatments you'll be undergoing they are bound to find out, as is the rest of the hospital."

House turned his hand some and held onto James's. "Now I'm not just the bitter cripple, I'm the even more pathetic cancer ridden cripple, it's like the promotion I never wanted." He said with a little humor in his voice but none in his face.

Wilson wished Greg would look at him, "Not if I have anything to do about it. I'm going to do my very best for you Greg."

House looked into his warm caring eyes and licked his lips, "I'm scared," he said with irritation.

"I know, that's perfectly natural, chemo is scary," Wilson said as he squeezed his hand to reassure him.

"No, not of the treatments or even the cancer, I understand the medicine but us..." his voice faded and he looked at their hands. "I haven't loved many people, and I've lost everyone I have at some point. I'm messed up, I know that and as much as I love you I keep making mistakes. I keep pushing you away, I know it's not right, but..."

"But you've been hurt by people in less complicated situations. I understand that, that's why I'm not running. I love you Greg, and it hurts me to know you might not always believe that or to be pushed away, but nowhere near as much as it feels good to hold you or to be there when you open up to me about something. I've made mistakes too, and I'm sure I'll make more, but the one thing I'll never be is not there for you Greg. As long as you'll let me, I'll be there," Wilson said honestly.

House looked hopeful, "What if I can't give you what you need?" he asked.

Wilson gave him a soft smile, "We'll figure it out, you're a genius, remember."

House gave back a half smile, "Okay. Well, lets get this over with."

When they entered the building House started towards Cuddy's office and Wilson was a little surprised, "I thought you were just saying that to get me to leave things alone and hurry up."

"Nope, but it wont take me too long, just go ahead and I'll catch up to you," House said.

Wilson was a little relieved he had an appointment before he had House set up to get his PICC IV put in and catheter. He was even going to try to get House to consider letting him put in a feeding tube for the high calorie liquid food he'd need. "Just meet me in OR 12 by nine," he said and was on the elevator before House looked back with narrowed eye.

House sighed as he saw the elevator close, he knew the only reason that Wilson would have him booked in a OR was if he was trying to talk him into getting a feeding tube. He was glad the place was pretty much vacant and rolled into Cuddy's office. "You're prayers have been answered, I'm here," House announced as the door closed behind him.

Cuddy looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, "I pretty sure that's the opposite of my prayers."

"Maybe you were a bad girl and your make-believe God decided to punish you," He said with a smirk.

Cuddy stood up, "Or maybe I was an idiot for hiring you," she said with a smile and smiled bigger, "Or maybe I'm a masochist?"

House chuckled, "I could help you out with that, if you are. I could give you a nice hard spanking. Do you need a hard spanking Cuddles?"

She laughed shaking her head, "If I did, I wouldn't come to you, you'd.."

"You said cum," House said with a evil smile.

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "As I was saying, you'd like it too much. So you ready to beat off in my restroom again while dreaming about my smoking bod?" She said with a smirk.

House was happy she wasn't getting into the serious stuff, she was just playing their game and letting him relax some before all the treatments. He shrugged, "Sure, why change things up? I've been getting by doing that for the last ten years, unless you want to give me a hand that is," he said with a evil smile.

She knew he was just joking and laughed as she handed him a container for his sperm, "Sorry, some of us have to work while you play with yourself."

"Sucks to be you," House responded as he rolled himself into the restroom. It was thirty minutes later when he rolled back out he handed her the closed container without eye contact, "I didn't mean to disturb you," he said feeling awkward.

Cuddy glared at him, "I thought after yesterday morning we had an understanding, I guess I was wrong. What kind of person watches porn in someone else's bathroom?"

House sighed, "I needed to be stimulated," he said looking around.

"You needed to be STIMULATED?! Yesterday you seemed to have no problem getting 'stimulated', so that's not going to fly. Just admit that you wanted to make me listen to your porn because you found it funny." She said looking disappointed in him, "Then you'll still be an ass, but at least you didn't treat me like a moron too!"

"I'm not lying," he said as he looked at her and then away again. "Yesterday was different."

Cuddy scoffed, "How so?" she said condescendingly.

House grimaced as he closed his eyes, "Have you ever had really bad... 'not sex'?" He asked as he slowly opened his eyes some to see her looking confused.

"What is 'not sex'?" She asked as her anger lessened some from the confusion.

"'Not Sex', you know anything but actually sex. How can you call yourself a doctor and not know what 'not sex' is?" He asked nervously as his eyes kept bouncing on anything than other than her face.

"I'm sorry, I must have missed the medical school exam that covered 'words House makes up.'" Cuddy retorted. She got a little worried when he didn't respond and instead kept rubbing the back of his neck. "Fine, tell me what happened last night," She said getting curious.

House shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it," he said in a low voice.

She smiled and scoffed, "Greg I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is."

"Well I know it's pretty memorable. I couldn't even do the one job every man should be able to do because it kept popping in my head... well brain... you know what I mean," he said as he rubbed his eyes.

Cuddy scanned him over and could tell this was serious which made her panic, "Did he hurt you, because if he..."

"No," House said back meeting her eyes then frowned, "I showed him the scars on my back," he said giving her a knowing look.

She smiled for a second, happy that he'd opened up to Wilson and then frowned, "Oh," she said. "He can't hold that against you, it's not like it's your fault they're there," she said a little huffy.

He looked down, "He could get past those, he just couldn't get past the scars on the inside," he said with disappointment.

"What? He knew you were messed up way before he even learned about what all had been done to you. I don't know how many times he came in here and talked about how messed up you were and how we need to drug you and take you to some kind of therapy," Cuddy said getting even madder at Wilson.

House watched her with pensive eyes, "Oh really?" he said imagining it. "Well that's nice to know."

She gave him a confused look, "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the scars inside my anus," he clarified for her to see her face contort as she finally got it, then he smiled bitterly, "now we're on the same page."

"Okay... that's pretty bad," Cuddy said with a grimace as she had to try hard to keep the sympathy out of her eyes, "did you two talk about it any?"

House sighed deeply, "A little, now can we just drop this?"

"Yeah," she said understandingly and little relieved since she had no idea of how to help him with that kind of issue. "So..." she said trying to think of something better to talk about but didn't think the cancer qualified. "Um, have you told him about this?" she asked holding the container.

He shook his head, "No, there's been a lot going on."

Cuddy nodded, wishing the awkwardness in the room would dissipate, then smiled partly, "How was the date?"

"It went pretty good, actually," House said

"That's good," she answered a little disappointed he didn't elaborate to get rid of the still lingering awkwardness.

House sighed, tired of the awkwardness too and deciding cancer talk was in fact better than this. "Wilson's going to get another Oncologist on the case, to help him."

Cuddy leaped at the opportunity to talk about something else, "I'm happy to hear that because after yesterday I've been a little worried about how well either of you were going to handle this. Him acting so cold about everything and you..." She swallowed as he looked at her quickly with concerned eyes, "Cancers hard on anyone, but when the doctor is not just a friend but your boyfriend in a new relationship, that just makes it even harder."

House knew she was right, "This means it's going to get around the rumor mill a little quicker than I'd anticipated. Which means I need to tell my team today."

She nodded as she chewed on her lip some, trying to read his expressions, "Or I could tell them if you want."

He shook his head, "No, if you tell them then they'll think I couldn't or was too emotional to tell them or something stupid and they'll make more out of it than it is. I have cancer, it's not a big deal. I've been diagnosed and will be starting treatment today, there's nothing anyone can do but wait and see what happens. I don't want them to make a big deal out of it."

Cuddy frowned, it was a big deal, and even though worrying wouldn't help, it was only natural. "You know they might not see it that way, you mean a lot to them."

House rolled his eyes, "I'm their boss, not their best friend or something. They're doctors, people get cancer and sometimes those people live and sometimes they die, that's life. They should know that by now and all the sympathetic looks and worry in the world aren't going to change that."

She knew he was right, "I guess I'll have them help out in the other departments until you treatments are done, shut down the diagnostics department for a couple months."

"Why would you do that, I can still work," House said back with irritation.

Cuddy looked at him as if he was nuts, "You have cancer, your going to be in a lot of pain, feel like crap and have more important things on your mind. You couldn't have really thought I'd let you work!?"

"Why wouldn't I? I've been in constant pain for the last eight years and I've rarely missed a day. You know the puzzles help distract me and with all that's going on I need the distraction. I need something else to think about besides the cancer," He said sitting up taller in his chair.

She frowned, "I'm sorry Greg, but the patients deserve someone who can give them their complete attention and not only can you not promise me you can do that, you don't need to do that. You need to rest and focus on getting better."

House narrowed his eyes on her, "And who will my patients go to?" he said and saw her sigh in a slight defeat. "That's what I thought. I'm the last of the line Lisa, so even having part of my attention is better than not knowing what's wrong and waiting to die. And you're acting like I don't have a competent team to work with, I'm not going to be doing this all on my own."

Cuddy gave a crazy laugh, "House what do you expect me to do? Put a hospital bed in your office and still let you work as if nothing is going on?"

He smirked, "That's not a bad idea, then I could just take the chemo there too, I'd be right by James so he could keep a good check up on me without having to run down the halls to much. I'd have my team there too, which would mean I could harass them instead of the nurses, which means you'd have less of them quit. It's a win, win."

She shook her head as she looked at him, "You've got to be kidding because that's insane."

"Just think of the alternative. I'm in a normal room on the Oncology floor, right?" House said painting the picture for her. "Well first thing is I'm going to get bored, which means I'll take it out on nurse, and then they'll start complaining or quitting, probably both. Then my team will start asking me about patients that they can't figure out, we both know it'll happen, it always does." He said watching her frown. "And I'll help behind your back, don't look at me that way. I'm just being truthful. Then because of all the disruptions I'll cause, either Wilson, you or my team will have to do all the follow up care because the nurse wont. Now tell me how that's any different from you just putting a hospital bed in my office? I'll be working cases either way, and nurses wont have to be harassed, and I'll already have my team and James close, both of which have dealt with me enough that you know they can take it."

Cuddy hated how he could make such a crazy idea actually sound rational.

House smiled as he could see her thinking about it, "Good, then we're in agreement," he said as he started to leave.

"What?! I never said yes House!" She said with frustration.

He opened the door and smirked, "You didn't have too, the fact you didn't immediately start yelling at me was answer enough."

Cuddy glared at him as he rolled through the door, "You're crazy, you know that right?" She said in irritation at how well he knew her and how good he was at talking her into his insane ideas.

"You wouldn't have me any other way," he yelled as the door close and she shook her head and looked on her desk to see the container of sperm then rolled her eyes. "Why didn't I go into research like my Grandfather, then my life would be more normal. Even living out in some jungle my life would be more normal than this," she said gesturing to the sperm.

House rolled into the DDX room to see all of his fellows heads turn towards him. "I HAVE CANCER!" he said loudly with a big smile.

Foreman raised an eyebrow while Cameron looked at him with a horrified worry and Chase rolled his eyes.

"You don't have cancer, if you had cancer you wouldn't tell us until we walked in on you having some chemo treatment," Chase said flatly.

"Unless I told you because I know you'll already walk in on me getting some Chemo treatment today, because I'm going to have a hospital bed moved to my office and do my treatments in there," House offered.

Chase studied House some more, Cameron still looked worried beyond words and Foreman smiled, "No way Cuddy would let you take Chemo treatments in your office."

"You under estimate the things I can talk Cuddy into letting me do. I'm disappointed in you," House said with a smug smile.

Foreman rolled his eyes still not believing House. Cameron finally found her voice, "What kind of cancer?

"Burkitt Lymphoma stage four, and the best part is you all get to be my nurses. Doesn't that sound like fun," House said with a evil smile.

"You're serious," Chase said as concern swept over his face and House just nodded.

Foreman frowned, "What's going to happen with the department while you're fighting cancer?" he asked.

House smiled, "Now that's what I like to see," he said looking at Foreman and then the other two. "See that, he could care less that I have cancer. He's just worried about his job and department," he said looking back to Foreman. "Don't worry my dark chocolate sweet, we'll still be treating patients. That's one of the reason's it made so much sense to have me in my office. Now you wont have to be running up to the cancer ward every time you get stuck on something, and James will be able to monitor me better being just next door."

"We're? You're still going to be trying to treat patients?" Cameron said shocked.

"Wilson is you're doctor? Even in getting treatments you can't follow the rules," Foreman said rolling his eyes.

"Since when did you start calling Wilson, James?" Chase asked with a little surprised.

House looked at them as all of them had been talking at the same time. "Of course, Duh, and why do you care, you jealous?" he answered.

Chase moved his head back as he looked at House with confusion, "Why would I be jealous?"

"Because..." House started but was interrupted as the door to the DDX room open.

Wilson looked at the team, who for the most part gave him sympathetic looks. He looked to House, "So I heard you talked Cuddy into letting you do treatments in your office. When were you planning on telling me?"

House swallowed as he looked over to Wilson who looked mad, "It's better all around."

"And YOU trying to treat patients while I'M TRYING to SAVE YOUR LIFE?!" Wilson said raising his voice on certain words with both hands fisted on his hips as he looked at him with hurt and anger. "Dammit House, I'm I the only one that cares if you live?"

House's face softened as he could see the pain he was causing James. He opened his mouth to speak but James started in again.

"This isn't going to work if you're not fighting to live. Believe me, I've done this enough times to know that if the person gives up, then they die." Wilson said his eyes getting sadder as the anger left him and only worry and love where left in his eyes. "You can't do that to me, you hear me Greg, otherwise," he swallowed a looked down, "you need to find another doctor because I'm not going to watch you die."

House reached out to hold his hand, but stopped halfway there realizing they had an audience. "I'm not giving up. I'm going to fight this, I promise, but I need a distraction otherwise this is going to drive me crazy. And you need to accept that no matter how good you are, and how much I fight... there's still a big chance I'll die."

Wilson shook his head, "No... you can't, I wont let you," he said with emotion in his voice and looked as the team was watching them intently. "So, you told them," he said looking down at House.

House shrugged, "I thought they should hear it from me, instead of in the clinic or from some nurse."

Wilson nodded, "Go to the OR and I'll meet up with you shortly," he said looking back at the team.

House's looked irritated as he looked up at James, "If you're going to talk to MY team then I have a right to be here," he said strongly.

"GO!" Wilson yelled, "Or get yourself another doctor," he said in a low warning voice.

House sighed as he lowered his head in defeat and rolled out of the room, not even looking back.

Wilson looked to the team who seemed impressed that he'd been able to get House to do as he'd asked and he glared at them. "I'm trusting you to give him the best care possible. I don't care what he calls you or what he does, you WILL give him the BEST care possible or I'll make sure you don't work at this hospital. Is that clear?" He said in a authoritative voice as his narrowed eyes bounced to all of theirs."

"But he's imposs..." Foreman started and stopped as Wilson walked toward him with a fire in his eyes he'd never seen from the friendly Oncologist.

Wilson got right in front of him and leaned in as he glared at him, "Then you suck it up! I remember that man going to the ends of the earth to try to save your life only a month or two ago. You will give him the best care possible, if not to pay him back for all he's taught and done for you, then to save your own ass, because if you don't I'll ruin your reputation as a doctor. House may not be liked but he is respected and I am liked and have a lot of friends in the medical community. You don't want to have me as an enemy, or be known as the idiot that's responsible for the great Gregory House's death. I'll tear you apart and you'll be hated in the medical field. You'll be lucky to find a job in some free clinic in some foreign country."

Chase and Cameron had been watching him and exchanging meaningful glances, but both of them looked at the table as Wilson looked at them with the same menacing eyes.

"That goes for either of you too," Wilson said as he stood up and looked to them. "His care comes first! Before your patient or anything else. If he calls one of you to come in, you don't finish what you are doing, you drop everything and come running, you understand that." He said to see them all nod as only Chase was brave enough to finally meet his eyes. "Which brings me to another point. NEVER is he to be left alone, one of you is to be in the DDX room or his office at all times. You can take turns or whatever, but if I ever find out that he was left completely alone then Cuddy and me will come up with a punishment that wont be forgotten." He said and sighed heavily, "After the surgery on his leg the nurses would just ignore him, because he wasn't pleasant," he said with disgust. "They didn't bath him, come into empty his bed pan or urinals, or bring him his food, they just brought in his medications and left him to rot. That will not happen again, he deserves better than that."

Suddenly the entire team seemed to understand why House didn't care for the nurses at the hospital as they looked at Wilson with sad and sympathetic eyes after hearing how he was treated.

Wilson could see the sympathy in their eyes, "The better you are at not showing him sympathy, but treating him as if everything is perfectly normal, the easier this will be. I'm not asking you to hold his hand, which he wouldn't allow anyway. All I'm asking is for you to do your job and do it well. Lord knows he does it for his patients, whether he likes them or not, he gives them all he has and more sometimes. He's depending on you and so am I, don't let us down." He said with a heavy sigh and walked out of the room.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever seen Wilson mad before," Chase said with raised eyebrows as he watched Wilson, thru the glass, walk away.

Cameron sighed with sympathetic eyes, "They're best friends, what do you expect, especially after he was treated so poorly by the nurses after the leg."

Foreman was still watching the glass that Wilson had disappeared from, "I didn't expect that. He scared me worst than House usually does and did you see how House did what he said. I think he's even afraid of getting on his bad side."

"It's always the quiet ones you have to worry about," Chase said looking to Foreman. "Did either of you notice how House called Wilson, James, and Wilson called House, Greg?"

"They're friends," Cameron said with a shrug and Foreman gave her an agreeing look.

Chase shook his head, "Yeah, but they've been friends for almost ten years and I've never heard them refer to each other by their first name. The most I've heard is House call Wilson Jimmy at times. I'm just saying it's weird is all."

Foreman wasn't concerned about what House and Wilson were calling each other though, he was more concerned with their new patient, House, and making sure that they didn't make any mistakes. "We need to move his office around so the hospital bed will fit." He said as he stood up and started toward the office as the others started to follow. He looked back at Cameron, "Let me and Chase to the heavy lifting, we need you to do get all the research you can about Burkitt Lymphoma and to find out what Wilson's plan of attack is."

Cameron raised her eyebrow, "I don't remember anyone putting you in charge," she said with an edge in her voice and Chase smiled at Foreman.

Foreman sighed heavily, "So you want to help me move the furniture and let your boyfriend here do the research?" he asked with a smug smile.

"He's not my boyfriend," Cameron said with irritation and sighed, "Fine, I'll do the research and get the plan from Wilson, but this doesn't mean I'm taking orders from you. It's just that both things need to get done and I'm better at research than both of you." She said with a smirk and then turned around and got on the computer.

Chase chuckled and looked to Foreman, "She's got your number," he said as he walked into the office.

Foreman smiled, "Well then you ought to be worried. If she's got my number then it's less likely she'll be calling you."

"Don't kid yourself Foreman, I'm the pretty one, remember. Now lets get this over with," he said as he looked at the furniture and tried to come up with a layout that would work.


	35. Chapter 35: Fond words from Cuddy

_Lize, thank you so much! I felt that Wilson would want to make sure the team handles this professionally, even if House can be an ass of a patient, because House does deserve the best of care. I had fun writing it because Wilson is rarely tough with anyone other than House and loved the idea of them getting to see a darker and more protective side of him. Hope you like the new chapter and thanks for the lovely review. - Nicole_

Dr. Roberts looked at the message and then back at the door and walked in. He was a little stunned as he saw 'HIM' sitting in a wheelchair, cold calculating blue eyes already challenging his. For what, he wasn't sure. Dr. Roberts had been working in the hospital for six years now and never spoken to the man he'd heard so much about. His eyes quickly darted around the room looking for the man who he was suppose to be meeting, but Dr. Wilson was no where to be seen.

"You look lost," House said bluntly as he recognized the man as a doctor in the Oncology department. The man's eyes quickly went back to his and House saw a flicker of irritation in him that made him want to smile, but he didn't.

"I was left a message to meet Dr. Wilson in here because he wants me to help him with a case," Dr. Roberts said with a slight annoyance at having to work with Dr. House too. He respected and liked Dr. Wilson, but from what he'd heard of Dr. House there was nothing to like and little to respect. "So I guess you'll be working on the case with us then."

House raised an eyebrow as he realized that this man evidently didn't know he was the patient. For a moment he thought the guy should catch on since he was wearing jogging pants and a tee shirt with a hoodie half way zipped up, but then again it wasn't like he was known for dressing like a doctor. This was going to be fun. "You might want to curb you enthusiasm, wouldn't want Wilson to get jealous of how eager you are to work with me, Jason."

"Dr. Roberts," he corrected as his jaw tightened some. "I'm surprised you know my name considering that you seem to think that your the only doctor here that can do anything right."

House kept the smirk off his lips and kept his cold eyes on the man. "I've learned it's better to know the doctors here so that when I call them an idiot they don't get offended, people are so fragile when you get their names wrong."

Dr. Roberts rolled his eyes and scoffed, "Of course. Listen, it's been lovely getting to know you Greg," he said condescendingly, "but I'd rather keep this professional. Have you met the patient yet because..." then he stopped, "nevermind, look at who I'm talking to."

House narrowed his eyes on Roberts. "Just because I can do a better job having never seen a patient then most doctors can do after weeks of knowing and treating the patient, isn't my fault. You guys should just try harder, but yes, I've met the patient."

"The whole point of becoming a doctor is to help people, something you seem to forget about," Dr. Roberts pointed out.

House rolled his eyes, "Oh yes, that's a logical argument coming from a guy that has a 54% success rate talking to a man with a 98% success rate."

"But you don't do it to help them, you do it for the challenge. It's all about you House, not the patient, which makes me wonder why you're even here. I was under the impression you don't worry about follow-up care, that's for us lesser doctors to worry about." Dr. Roberts said as he narrowed his eyes on House.

House was starting to actually take a disliking to this man, "Why I do what I do isn't any of your concern, and by the way, I don't see you talking down to the people who do it for the money. Which there are a lot of, but doing it to challenge your mind... that's just wrong. You know what you little sack of...

"HOUSE!" Wilson yelled from the door as he had walked in on Greg's last sentence. "What the hell is wrong with you? It's like you're incapable of acting like an adult for more than an hour."

House watched as James walked in the room towards him and then glanced at Dr. Roberts with a glare. "He started it," barked out bitterly.

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Sure, now get changed into your gown. I don't have all day."

House hated how much it hurt that James didn't believe him or even care enough to see who was right. He swallowed, "Find someone else."

Dr. Roberts was at a loss as he observed the two.

"No, I'm not going to find someone else. He's more than capable and until today he'd never even met you, so he'll be the most objective person I can find." Wilson argued.

"I don't care, I don't want him on this case," House complained.

Wilson tried to keep his temper in check. "Listen to me. I'm not getting someone else, that's final. You've pissed off almost ever employee in this God forsaken hospital and he's the least likely to slip you something that will kill you, so you're just going to have to make friends."

Dr. Roberts eyes got big as the pieces of this puzzle started fitting into place. Dr. House wasn't there to help with the case, he was the case. He could feel his stomach tighten as his nerves were on edge.

House swallowed as he rolled into the prep room for the doctors, "Whatever you say DOCTOR Wilson," he said loudly and then the door closed behind him.

Wilson sighed and looked to Dr. Roberts, "Sorry about that, he's a difficult patient."

Dr. Roberts looked at him with still shocked features, "You want me to help you treat HIM?!"

Wilson glared at Dr. Roberts with dark eyes, "What do you mean by 'HIM'?"

"Nothing bad," Roberts answered quickly as he was almost positive he heard a growl in there somewhere. "It's just... he's a legend, and I'm not even the second best Oncologist in this hospital."

Wilson's death glare vanished, "You can't look at it like that. He's just a patient, like anyone else."

Roberts sighed, "I know that's the way it's suppose to be, but he's not and you know it. If he dies everything we did is going to be analyzed with a fine tooth comb."

"I know that," Wilson said, "but if everyone looked at it like that then no one would treat him and he'd definitely die. We can't concentrate on 'what happens if he dies', we have to just stay focused on making sure he lives."

Roberts sighed as he knew Wilson was right, "Do you know what we're dealing with?"

"Burkitt Lymphoma, stage four," Wilson answered as he watched House roll back out in a gown. "You need help getting on the table?" he asked House.

House narrowed his eyes on James, still feeling hurt and a little pissed, "No," he answered stubbornly as he rolled up to the table and stood up quickly grabbing the edge of the table for support.

Dr. Roberts frowned as he could tell House was very under weight and his knees seemed unsteady and looked to Wilson wondering if they should help, but Wilson shook his head no slightly. He looked back to see House breathing deeply as he slowly managed to get on the table, hissing through his teeth as he moved his right leg up.

"It's cold," House gave as an excuse for the hiss.

Wilson knew it wasn't the reason as he sighed, "We'll be right back, need to get prepped." He waited for House to say something for a little while but realized it wasn't going to happen and walked into the prep room with Dr. Roberts following.

"How much does he weigh?" Dr. Roberts asked as he took off his jacket and got ready.

Wilson swallowed looking into the room at Greg, "A hundred and twenty-one pounds," he said softly.

"Jesus," Roberts said as he looked through the glass as he got ready. "So, what all are you wanting to do today?"

Wilson finished up drying his hands and putting on gloves, "A PICC IV, put in a catheter and a feeding tube, then we'll start his first dose of chemo." He said looking back at Roberts.

Roberts nodded in agreement but when Wilson reached the door to go back in he spoke up, "I was being a dick to him," he said in a low soft voice and swallowed as Wilson looked at him. "There is a reason I've never worked with Dr. House, I've been extremely careful to never have to because of how I've heard he treats other doctors, and when I saw him I assumed I'd be working with him on a case." He said with his head lowered as he tried to explain his actions some.

Wilson sighed, "I'm not going to lie. He can be an ass and he'll point out any mistake you make, but he isn't as bad as people make him sound." He said looking through the glass at House laying on the table. "A big part of the problem is that everyone is so hostile towards him from the beginning because their expecting him to be so horrible to work with that they force him to hostile back. I've worked with him a lot and hardly ever has he blown up in face about a case... and if he did, he was always right, it just wasn't something I was wanting to hear."

"I know this isn't my place, you're the head of Oncology and I'm sure Dr. Cuddy wouldn't be letting you treat him if she didn't think you could handle it, but isn't he your friend?" Dr. Roberts asked.

"Yes, he's my best friend," Wilson admitted looking at Roberts.

Roberts swallowed, "Then why are you treating him instead of another doctor?"

"He asked me to and if there is one thing you'll learn about House early on, it's that he rarely asks anyone to help him. So when he does..." Wilson's voiced faded off.

"You two going to get in here anytime today?!" House yelled loud enough for both of them to hear him clearly. They exchanged meaningful glances and walked into the room. "Nice of you two to join me. I was beginning to think I might have scared young Jason off." House said watching as Roberts looked to Wilson.

Wilson walked up to House looking down at him, "Can you **try** playing nice for me, just this once?"

"I'm sorry for how I spoke to you before Dr. House, I was out of line," Roberts said truthfully.

House sighed and rolled his eyes, "Wilson, I don't need you defending me to other doctors. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Fine, then lets get on with the procedures then," Wilson said professionally. "We need to put in the PICC IV, the catheter and the feeding tube."

"Hey, I never agreed to a feeding tube," House said stubbornly as he sat up.

"Really?" Dr. Roberts said and both Wilson and House looked at him making him feel anxious. "It's just... you need the feed tube Dr. House. That's obvious." He said wincing some as he was afraid of House's reaction.

House swallowed as he looked to James with a look that said 'I don't look that bad, do I?', and Wilson looked away. House looked under the gown as his emaciated body gritted his teeth, then laid back down. "Fine," he said staring at the ceiling.

Wilson let out a relieved sigh, "Okay, I'll but in the catheter while your out then, so you wont have to be awake through that. You ready?"

Dr. Roberts felt bad as he could tell Dr. House hadn't realized how obvious it was that he dangerously underweight. He wanted to apologize for it but didn't know if he should since House was at least agreeing to the feeding tube now.

"I'll be ready as soon as he's gone," House said looking to Jason who looked surprised.

"He's on this case now, House. He's staying," Wilson said firmly.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I hurt your feeling by pointing out how underweight you are but.." Roberts started and House glared at him while Wilson shook his head.

House interrupted, "You didn't hurt my feelings," he said glaring dagger in the man. "I don't know what Dr. Wilson told you about me but I'm not that fucking fragile. Now get out," he said in a deep low voice.

Dr. Roberts started walking backwards. "Roberts you're staying!" Wilson said with irritation and then looked House in the eyes. "He's staying, he's your doctor so suck it up and quit acting like a child about this."

"He doesn't need to be here, you can do this without him," House said back with irritation.

Wilson scoffed, "He's not here because I can't do this on my own, he's here as another doctor on the case, so I have another set of eyes. We talked about this, now let him do his job."

"Yeah and I bet he'll take some lovely pictures too," House said bitterly as he glance at Roberts and then looked back to James.

"Why would I take pictures?" Roberts said looking to Wilson who was looking at House with concern.

Wilson suddenly knew what this was about, "Greg, he isn't going to take any pictures. I'll be right here."

"I don't trust him," House said back and grabbed Wilson's arm. "I don't trust him!"

Wilson wanted to hold him so bad, to comfort him and tell him it would be okay, but he looked away instead. He hated seeing that fear in Greg's eyes. "I'll be right here, I promise... but Greg you're going to have to trust him, or least trust me enough that I wouldn't have brought him in on this if I didn't trust him."

"You trust everyone. You're the nice guy, remember." House said in a more calm voice.

Wilson smiled sadly as he looked back at him, "Yeah, but I promise you he won't take any pictures and I'll be here the whole time. Trust me," he said in a pleading voice.

House thought about it and let go of his arm, then looked back to Roberts. "Fine he can stay, but if even hear of there being pictures of my leg or anything, then I'll personally make him wish he was never born." He said watching the man as he laid back down then looked at the ceiling.

"Okay," Wilson said and back soothingly and put House out then looked to Dr. Roberts. "I know I don't have to say this, but I am for his sake. Whatever you see and do in this room, stays in this room, alright."

"Of course," Dr. Roberts said started opening up the equipment.

Wilson took off House's gown and swallowed as the scars seem to stand out from the lights and draped it back over him. "We'll do the IV first," he said.

Roberts remained silent through the short procedure and when they were done Wilson took off the gown and put it to the side. "I'll do the catheter and when I'm done I'll let you do the feeding tube, so you can go a head and sterilize where you'll be cutting."

Dr. Roberts nodded and looked over to House's body. The more he looked the more concerned he got as he saw scars over scars on the man. Some he recognized as cigar burns, gun shots, and surgery's to fix broken bones, but others he could only imagine what had been done.

Wilson looked at him after a few minutes of noticing the man wasn't moving and notice he was looking at Greg's scars. "We need to get this done with quickly since we're already behind schedule," he said wondering what the man was making of what he was seeing.

"Yeah," Dr. Roberts said and started prepping for putting in the feeding tube, but couldn't help looking at the scars along the way and noticing that they looked to be old scars. When Wilson was done with the catheter he put in the feeding tube, checking over his work three times before he finally relented that everything was perfect. "That's the last of it then," he said as he made his way to the prep room to clean up.

Wilson hadn't expected Dr. Roberts to be so quiet since he was know for being very friendly.

"So, is he paranoid or does he have trust issues?" Dr. Roberts said as he looked at the now covered man on the table thru the glass.

Wilson glanced at Roberts and then looked at his hands as he washed up, "Trust issues, but he has his reasons. Nurses have taken pictures of the scar on his leg and e-mailed them to other members of the Hospital before."

Dr. Roberts nodded and then looked over to Wilson as he dried his hands, "Any other reason he might have trust issues?"

Wilson chewed his lip some as he could tell that Roberts was on the right track. "I don't know, he doesn't talk about his past that much."

Roberts sighed, "I counted eight old bullet wounds. I was only aware that he was shot twice."

Wilson swallowed remembering the first time he'd noticed them. It had been while he was helping take care of him after the infarction and when he'd asked about them House had told him it wasn't relevant. It had taken him a couple of months until he pushed the issue again and had been told not to bring it up again, and he hadn't. It had become one of those things he just didn't notice anymore because they'd always been there and had always been off limits. "I don't see what that has to do with his cancer." He said flatly.

"Why am I here?" Roberts asked with irritation.

Wilson raised an eyebrow, "You're here as a doctor, like I said before, I want another pair of eyes on the case."

"Well as a doctor I'm use to getting a detailed medical history of the patient, but obviously you don't want to share his medical history with me and he doesn't want me here at all. It's beginning to feel like I'm just here to take the credit if something goes wrong." Roberts replied with a frown.

Wilson narrowed his eyes on Roberts, "I didn't answer your question because I don't know the answer, not because I'm keeping something from you, but you're more than welcomed to ask him yourself. When I first took over as House's PCP I looked into his hospital administration files, since we have to list a complete medical history to get insurance and be hired. If I remember correctly it stated that he'd had surgery to reduce the size of his over large penis because of balancing issues and that he was part cyborg. But if you think you can crack him then be my guest," Wilson said still feeling offended.

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Wilson and Roberts didn't talk as they moved House onto one of the newer hospital beds with a blanket covering him completely and got into the elevator. Wilson quickly pressed the button for the second floor.

Roberts noticed but didn't say anything, even thought the patients for Oncology were on the fifth floor. But when the doors opened and Wilson took a left off the elevator instead of a right he was too curious to keep quite. "Dr. Wilson, the patient rooms on this floor are the other way."

"House is going to be having his treatments in his office," Wilson said realizing exactly how ridiculous it sounded and looked back to Roberts who had a hold of the foot of the bed. "He talked Dr. Cuddy into it, so it's not my decision." He said as he was still on the fences of if it would help or hinder Greg, but start pulling the bed to the office anyway.

Roberts had never heard of such a thing but if Dr. Cuddy had approved it he knew it was out of his hands and pushed the foot of the bed following Wilson. They stopped at the double doors of the DDX room and a younger beautiful woman opened the doors, putting the stoppers down, so they stayed open for them to wheel the bed in.

"How is he?" Cameron said softly, as if afraid to wake House up, to Wilson.

Wilson gave her a sympathetic smile, "The procedures went well, no problems. I put in a PICC IV, a catheter and a feeding tube."

Cameron looked back at lifeless figure under the covers and pulled the blanket down off his head and bit her lip as she stroked his cheek finding it a little odd that he was actually clean shaven. "He's right, we're idiots," she said with a frown. "We saw he wasn't eating and I could tell he was losing weight in his face. We should have done something."

Roberts was fascinated by woman's reaction, from what he'd heard everyone hated House but it was obvious that this woman didn't feel that way. Actually her reactions reminded him a lot of a more romantic relationship, not like a spouse but maybe House was dating her.

"Don't do that, this isn't your fault Allison," Wilson said putting a hand on her shoulder. "This didn't have anything to do with the stomach tumors. Right now we just need to focus on getting him better."

Cameron looked up with moist eye, "You're right James, thanks," she said and leaned down putting a kiss on House forehead then smiled sadly at Wilson. "Don't tell him I did that, I'll never hear the end of it."

Wilson was conflicted, part of him found the gesture sweet, but another part of him wanted to tell her that Greg was his and to quit touching him. He swallowed, "I wont tell him," he said part of him wondering how long they were going to keep their new relationship a secret.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't even notice you standing there. I'm Dr. Cameron, one of Dr. House's fellows," Cameron said finally noticing the other man in the room.

Dr. Roberts smiled, she was very pretty, "Hello, I'm Dr. Roberts. Dr. Wilson just recently asked me to help with this case. It's nice to meet you."

Cameron's face dropped some as she quickly looked to Wilson, "I thought everything was going well, is there something wrong?"

"No," Wilson assured her. "It's just that since Greg and I are friends I thought it would be helpful to have a pair of eyes on the case that were more objective. It's just a precaution, Cameron. Everything is going to be fine."

Cameron swallowed and nodded, "Let me check on if they're done cleaning the office," she said and opened the oversized door to see Chase vacuuming while Foreman was wiping the dust off the bookcases.

"We're almost done," Foreman said loudly over the vacuum and then his eyes stopped on the hospital bed, a bit of conflict was on his face for a brief moment and then he went back to work.

It was five minutes when both the men were done and walked into the DDX room. Wilson took the liberty of introducing them. "Dr. Roberts is going to be helping me treat House," he said to them and then looked at Roberts. "Dr. Roberts this is Dr. Chase and Dr. Foreman, they are House's other two fellows. His team will be acting as his nurses to ensure he gets the best care."

"Well that's very admirable of you. I can't say I know of a lot of fellows that would offer to take time away from their normal practices to take care of their head of department." Roberts said with a warm smile at their dedication to the man.

Foreman looked to Wilson, who hadn't really given them an option but Chase spoke up. "We'll still be taking on patients for the Diagnostics department but we'll make sure that his care is first priority, considering all he's taught us and done for us, it's the least we can do." He said with emotion as he looked down at House.

Roberts could tell Chase had meant every word of what he said and it made him realize that there must be a lot more to the man than he'd heard. His first indication had been that House had actually seemed scared of trusting him, then the scars, and now how much the man meant to his fellows. There was obviously something deeper to the man that most of the Hospital either ignored or was privileged enough to see. "It's nice to hear you say that Dr. Chase, it's nice to know he has support during this. The treatments for Burkitt Lymphoma isn't easy and I'm sure he'll appreciate his team being there for him."

Foreman smiled some, knowing that even if House did appreciate it that they would never hear those words come from his mouth. Instead they would probably hear the words idiots, morons and imbeciles thrown their way.

Cuddy walked in to see everyone standing around the hospital bed and softly walked in looking down at the man of the hour. She smiled sadly as she looked up to Wilson, "You put in a feeding tube."

Wilson nodded, "Yeah, there's no way he can eat the amount of calories he needs to in order for his body to have the energy to fight this like it needs too, and considering how underweight he was... it was the only logical choice."

Cuddy blinked some to try to keep the moisture out of her eyes. "It was the right the call. What is his weight at the moment?"

Wilson didn't seem to want to answer the question as he looked around at the team but Dr. Roberts knew that it was best they know so they could keep an eye on it. "121," he announced.

Houses team looked startled as they looked to Wilson who nodded with a frown and then looked to their mentor. Foreman for the first time felt a bit of fear run through him as he looked at House. "Jesus, I didn't think he was that bad off," he said out loud to himself, not even thinking about the rest of the people in the room.

"Let's see what has been done with his office," Cuddy said and walked into the room to see that they had moved the desk against the wall by the door to the hall and that the filing cabinets had been stacked on top of one another and placed by the desk. His bookcases had also been moved so that they left the entire side of the room by the windows empty. She nodded, "Thank you, this will work perfectly," she said and they wheeled him in and plugged up the bed. She looked around at all of the faces and gave them a sad smile.

"I know you must all be wondering why I would grant House such a... well insane request." She said looking at them all glance from one another. She swallowed, "And believe me I know it sounds insane to let him still practice medicine and use his office as a hospital room, but House isn't typical." Cuddy said and chuckled a little as the rest of the people in the room smiled back. "Not even a little. He's... he's special." She said softly with moist eyes. "Considering how little he really talks about himself I'm sure most of you don't know this but I first met him in college at John Hopkins." Everyone looked at her with interest. "When I first met him he looked at me and told me stuff about myself that not even my parents knew, some stuff I hadn't even realized about myself. I remember wondering how he could see so much and feeling irritated because I couldn't tell anything about him. Of course I asked around about the odd boy in the book store and my ear was full of tales of pranks, brilliance and adventure, but the one thing no one seemed to know was anything personal about him." She said with a frown, "After twenty years I still don't know him that well personally, but there are some things I've learned. I know that even though he doesn't say it, he cares about people, and the people in this room the most." She said looking to his team members and Wilson. "I know that he would stop at nothing to save everyone's life in this room, and it wouldn't just be for the puzzle, it would be because he loves you." Cuddy said looking at them and tear fell from her eye that she quickly wiped away and Wilson put a hand on her arm. "Dr. House isn't just the best doctor I have in this hospital, he's a person I consider to be a good friend. He's always there if you need him, not always comforting in the traditional way, but he's insightful and always truthful. He'll tell you when you're wrong and he'll defend the people he cares about even if it means taking the blame himself." She said looking to Chase who's was trying to keep tears out of his eyes as he remember how House had taken the punishment for his actions when his father died. "He is a man of values and being there for the ones you care about, even if it risks everything for him, is one he's always stood behind." She said looking to Foreman who frowned as he thought about the length House had been willing to go to, to save his life. "I know he isn't the easiest man to work for or with and he can be an ass, which I believe we've all told him several times, along with calling him stubborn, cold, callas, and a jerk. But even with the difficulty he can bring, I can say for me, and I believe everyone in this room, that he's improved our lives, and now we get the chance to return the favor." Cuddy said with a smile, "I know these next couple of months are going to be hard and even if everyone does everything perfectly, he might not beat this." She notice Wilson turned away from the group and frowned. "Either way, I want these to be some of the best months of his life because he deserves that for all he's done. When you get irritated or tired of him, please remember what all he'd done for each of us and think about the how he's impacted your life. This is going to be a long road for us but if we're lucky, in several months he might be limping these halls, calling us idiots and his patients morons, cancer free."

"Oh shut up Cuddy," House said as he opened his eyes. "You practicing for the eulogy already? Can't even wait until they kill me with their incompetence?" He asked with a smirk and coughed.

Cameron quick ran to get him some water, while Cuddy gave him a playful smile. "Just trying to remind them of your better traits so one of them doesn't end up killing you because of how much of an ass you can be." She informed him.

House searched her eyes and suddenly looked disgusted, "Did you... cry? Tell me you didn't... that's just pathetic."

Cuddy's smile fell as she looked at him, "It's pathetic for someone to care about you, or for someone to actually show emotion over it?"

House felt awkward as he could see how worried she was and looked away, "I'll be fine and if I'm not worrying wont help."

She knew him well enough to know that was an apology and sighed softly. "I've got some work to finish up but I'll be back up here when they start the chemo, try to behave yourself."

House was pleased she'd let the emotional stuff go and looked back at her, staring at her breasts. "I would ask you to come back with a lower cut shirt, but I don't think that's possible."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "I would tell you to stop deluding yourself that I do it for you, but it wouldn't help," she said as she walked out and House smiled at her.

Cameron ran back in with a glass of water that she handed to House, "Here," she said making sure to keep her face neutral.

House looked to her and nodded his approval then drunk a good bit of water and put the rest on the bedside table that she moved to the side of his bed. His eyes looked over to the rest of team, James and Roberts who were all just watching him and sighed loudly, "Alright, you guys need to get us a patient," he said gesturing to Chase and Foreman, "and that goes for you too," he said looking to Cameron. "I'll bellow if I need something. The grown up need to talk."

The team reluctantly left and closed the door behind them.

Wilson looked to Jason and handed him a file. "This has all his latest scans and work ups in it, along with the treatments we'll be using. I want you to make a copy for his team and get familiar with the case. We'll start his first dose of Chemo in an hour or so. I'll page you." He said and with that Roberts left out the door to the DDX room.

House watched as he left and looked to James as the door closed, "So, you wanna make out now that the children are gone?" He said feeling a little anxious as he watched James close off the blinds to the DDX room and the hall, then lock the door to the hall.

Wilson moved a chair to the side of the bed and sat down heavily and sighed as he leaned his head down then rested it on the mattress of the bed.

House chewed his lip some, unsure of what he should do. He could tell that James was worried and wanted to comfort him, but wasn't sure what he'd be okay with at the hospital. He tentatively put a hand on his shoulder, even though he really wanted to stroke his hair. "What's wrong?" he asked softly.

Wilson sat up half laughing and half sobbing, "Oh I don't know what could be wrong. It's not like I get reminded every hour of the day that you could die by someone. It's not like that would be worrisome to someone." He said with moist eyes.

House frowned, "Cuddy's and idiot, I'm not going to die," he said pissed that she'd upset his James.

"It's not just her, and worst of all they're right, you know," He said looking at Greg's hand. "I could lose you and I don't know if I can handle that."

House swallowed feeling uncomfortable, he knew he should say something, but didn't know what to say. It was true that he could die, and statistically the odds where that he would. "I'm sorry," he said softly not knowing what else he to say.

Wilson scoffed, "You're an ass you know that? All this time we've been friends and if you'd told me how you felt before... then we'd have had more time together. Then Tritter would have never been able to blackmail you and..." he said as his voice cracked and he looked down.

"And what? Then I wouldn't have gotten cancer and we might not be in this situation?" House questioned as he watched James meet his eyes. "You know that's not how it works. This would only be harder if we'd be in a relationship for a year or two and you forget that you were married then."

"So," Wilson retorted even though he knew House had a point.

House sighed, "James, I want you to be my doctor, but if you can't I'll understand."

Wilson shook his head, "It isn't being your doctor that's hard."

House looked at the ceiling, "Then leave me, that's what you want to hear right? That's it's fine if you bail and I'll be okay."

Wilson felt the prickle of tears in his eyes as he shook his head, "No, I can't. Not now that I've just gotten to know you and feel so much for you. I couldn't even if I tried, it would break both of us," he said honestly as he looked to Greg.

House looked back at him with frustration, "Then I'm at a loss. I don't know what to say or do that will help comfort you. I love you, but yes I could die and you know that better than anyone."

Wilson sighed, "I don't even know what you'd want me to do if you died."

House adjusted his bed so that he was sitting upright. "I'd want you to move on and find someone else to love. I'd want you to have some kids... actually there was something I was meaning to talk to you about."

Wilson was about to explain Greg that he'd meant he didn't know what House would want him to do with his body, but Greg had intrigued him. "What?"

"Have you ever had your sperm tested?" House asked casually.

"What? No, why would I?" Wilson asked surprised by the question.

"It was just wondering if you had since you want to have kids." House explained. "I was talking to Cuddy about what you'd said about your mom thinking you were impudent..."

"Jesus, Greg, I'm not impudent," Wilson said with irritation.

House sighed, "Duh, I think I would have noticed if you had a problem getting it up. But considering how many women you've been with, it is a little surprising you've never had any pregnancy scares or a little jimmy's by accident. I'm just trying to say it's possible your sterile."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "This is great, it's making me feel so much better. Not only am I probably going to lose the love of my life I'm also never going to have children, any other good news you can think to share with me?"

House was getting frustrated, "Jesus you talk about me being an ass! All I'm trying to say is I put some of my sperm back just in case you dick, but nevermind. You can just wallow in your own self pity and be sad and lonely forever if that's what you want."

Wilson's had a hard time seeing Greg as his eyes blurred from the moisture in his eyes. "You... you're leaving me some of your sperm in case you die, so that I could still have a child of yours, in case I'm sterile?" He said with emotion as he tried to keep from crying.

House wasn't sure if James was pissed or happy with him. "You don't have to use it if you don't want to, and it wasn't just in case I die. If I do live through this it's possible that I'll be sterile after the treatments and I just didn't want us to not have the option if we decided we did want a child."

Wilson looked away and cover his eyes as he cried some, it wasn't something that had even crossed his mind during all of this, but even with everything going on Greg had thought of him and their future. He cried harder than he wished he had as his emotions seemed to all come out.

House stared at him with a horrified expression and from time to time would look around as if wishing someone would come in and help. "Hey... like I said you don't have to use it." He said hoping to quiet him down some. "James... stop," he pleaded which only seem to make James cry harder. House swallowed awkwardly as stared at Wilson. "Shhh... it's okay... just... shhh," he said trying to comfort him and get him to stop crying.

Wilson finally got it all out for the most part and smiled as he looked at House with red eyes and a blotchy face. "You're amazing. I can't believe you even thought about that with everything that's going on, and I thought you didn't even want kids."

House shrugged, "I don't right now, but you do."

Wilson almost started crying again but didn't allow himself to. "You are such a liar, you act like you don't care about others and that you don't have a heart but you're the most selfless person I know. Only you would think to do something like that. Thank you so much Greg, I really mean that from the very bottom of my heart. Thank you for loving me so much that you thought about what I'd want during the future even while all of this was going on."

House's eyebrows rose, "So that means you're happy?"

"Yes!" Wilson said back with a laugh, "I'm very happy. You did good Greg."

"So you'll stop crying," House said with narrowed eyes and hope in his voice.

Wilson shook head as he smiled, "They were happy tears, Greg."

"Still," House said watching him.

Wilson laughed, "Yes, okay. I won't cry anymore about it."

"Ever would be nicer, but I guess that will work," House said with a sigh of relief.

**Happy Easter everyone, hope that this new chapter was a welcomed present. Also wanted to let you all know that I'm writing another story on here that has House as a child and wanted to encourage you to read it if you like that kind of thing. Please read, review, and enjoy... also let me know of an ideas you might have for this story. Thanks - Nicole**


	36. Chapter 36: What's up Doc!

House got more anxious as the time passed, James had already left to get him his 'meal' and returned to give it too him. He looked at the liquid with disgust as he poured it in the feeding tube, "This stuff tastes horrible."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "You're not even tasting it."

"But I can smell it," House countered as he finished his 'meal'.

Wilson threw away the container it had come in. "The feeding tube was the right call, you know that," he said reasonably.

House shrugged, "I just don't want to you start thinking you can stuff me full of healthy crap because I've got this thing in." He said as he rearranged the covers for the tenth time in five minutes.

Wilson knew that House was anxious about the chemo, because every patient was the first time. "You ready?"

House kept his face neutral, "Sure, whenever you're ready."

"Alright, I'll call Roberts to bring it up," Wilson said and made the call. Soon House's office/room was packed again as everyone watched as the chemo was hooked up to House.

House sighed loudly as they watched him. "If you people keep staring at me I'm going to start charging admission."

Cuddy smirked, "You know what, Wilson, I think you should check him for cognitive damage. He seems to keep having problems remembering that I run this hospital and can come and go as I please."

House watched as James smiled, "I saw that," he warned as his eyes narrowed on James, "I'm your patient, you're being paid to be to take my side."

"And what do you want me to do?" Wilson said a little amused.

"Make them leave me alone," House whined like pugalent child.

Wilson smiled at House, then sighed as he looked at his team. "Alright guys, he's going to need his rest, but remember I want someone in the DDX room at all times."

"But we needed to tell..." Foreman started but stopped as Chase shook his head at him.

"What?" House said now interested.

"It's nothing," Chase said back.

House narrowed his eyes on Chase and then looked back at Foreman, "What were you saying?"

Foreman looked at Wilson and Cuddy with a little guilt, "I just wanted to let you know we found a patient."

"You got the file on you?" House asked, hoping for a distraction.

"No," Wilson said before Foreman could answer, "House you're not reading a patient file during your first round of Chemo." He said with exasperation.

"Why not? Does the chemo blind me? Or have there been studies done that prove reading patient files can make the chemo any less effective?" House asked with condescension. "I didn't think so. As I recall it's perfectly fine to read during Chemo treatments."

"House, he's right. You need to rest and relax, not be working," Cameron said.

House looked at her with a cold expression, "Did you hear me ask for your opinion?"

Cameron swallowed as she didn't see any humor in his face, "No," she said softly.

"Good to know you aren't hearing things that aren't there. Now go get me the patient file." House said with a challenging look.

"Dammit House!" Wilson yelled, "You're not working a patient on your first round of chemo and that's final!"

House sighed leaning back and looking at the ceiling, "That's not your decision."

"Yes it is, I'm your doctor and I'm saying no," Wilson said back with frustration.

"You don't get to say what I can or can not read!" House yelled as he glared at James. "I've done everything you asked, I'm taking the medications you want me to take, I got the stupid feeding tube put in, and I'm laying up in a hospital bed. Reading a patient file isn't going to over exhaust me, and it'll be more relaxing than sitting here thinking about the cancer, so back off."

Wilson shook his head, "Whatever House, everyone in this room but you knows you're being an idiot, but it's not like that's ever mattered to you. Read your damn file, I have patients to see who will actually listen to my advice!" He said and stomped out with Roberts following behind him.

House's jaw flexed as the door slammed behind them. "One of you get me the file," House said watching his team.

The entire team looked to Cuddy who gave them a nod and quickly brought in the file putting it on House's side table and then disappearing again. "So, I guess this is were you tell me I'm acting like an idiot and try to talk me out of reading the file," House said looking at Cuddy accusingly.

"Nope," Cuddy said and walked over to the side of the bed and sat down in a chair.

House watched her with suspicion and frowned, "He didn't have any right to tell me what I can or can't read."

"You're right," she said back in agreement as watched him with some concern.

House swallowed as he looked at the file and thought about the fight it had caused.

Cuddy watched him as he stared at the file, "You aren't reading it," she said pointedly.

"It's not worth it," he said bitterly and pushed the file off the table so that fell and scattered on the carpet. "Fuck him!"

She frowned as he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "I don't understand, if you're not even going to read the file then why did you fight him so hard on it?"

House swallowed, "Because I'm not going to have him talking to me like that in front of them," he said opening his eyes and looking at the door to the DDX office. "At home he can say or do whatever he wants but here, I'm not going to have him treating me like I have no say about anything. I've given him complete control over my medical care, but he doesn't get to say what I can read or think or say," he said but there was no conviction in his force.

Cuddy hated how defeated he sounded, "If that's true then why aren't you reading the file?"

He frowned, "Because it's not worth more glares and harsh words between us."

"Greg, you can't give into him every time he doesn't agree with you or raises his voice," She said with concern.

House looked down at his stomach, "I have cancer, and even if I get past that, it's very possible I'll never walk again." He looked up at her with truthful eyes, "And yet I'm happier than I've been in years, because I'm with him, to me that's worth it."

Cuddy sighed, "If reading the patient file will help relax you, I think you should read it." She said picking up the file and putting it on the table.

He chewed his lip while looking at the file, "He slept with Julie," he confessed in a soft baritone voice.

Her eyes widened as her mouth hung open some at the news. "When?" was all she say.

"The night I had my pity party he was with her," House said still staring at the file.

"Then he isn't worth fighting for Greg," Cuddy said with anger.

"He's it, do you get that? I'm not going to be doing this circus act of a relationship again, and I want it to last as long as it can." House said looking away as he was a little embarrassed at the slight desperation his words carried. He swallowed and shrugged looking at the blanket, "So he slept with his ex, it isn't like this is the first time he's ever slept with her, and I can't give him what he needs right now."

"That's no excuse to sleep with other people and you know that," She said back with even more concern.

"I'll do whatever it takes to keep him as long as I can," he said as he pulled the covers up and leaned the bed down some. "I'm tired."

Cuddy got up and looked down at him, "You deserve better than this," she said softly.

"Bye," House said and closed his eyes.

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Cuddy walked out of House's office and into the DDX room, where the his team was waiting for her.

"This is stupid, he doesn't need to be working while undergoing chemo treatment," Cameron said.

Foreman rolled his eyes, "All he's doing is reading a file and thinking, it's not like he's really treating a patient and Wilson was the one who crossed the line. He's suppose to be House's doctor, not his mother." He said with a stern look as he looked at Cameron.

Chase licked his lips, as he watch Cameron and Foreman's eyes lock in a challenging glare. "Maybe he shouldn't be working, but it's his choice of what he wants to read while getting chemo, not Wilson's." Cameron's glare moved to him and he swallowed hard, "Oh don't get made at me, House might be an asshole doctor with no bedside manner, but he's never lost his cool over what a patient was reading, even if it's for the right reasons, you have to admit that Wilson was unprofessional."

"Like House ISN'T!? And it isn't like House has a good record for making personal decisions. Look at how he's suffered for keeping his leg and then the way he handled the whole situation with Tritter," Cameron said back hotly.

Cuddy suddenly felt a surge of anger come over her at Cameron questioning the way House had 'handled' Tritter. Cameron's ignorance on what she was talking about infuriated her. "So he makes a couple of decisions you don't like and you think that give you the right to take away his choice on ANYTHING! Dr. House 'handled' things the way he saw fit and you need to shut up about things you don't know anything about." She said curtly and the team looked at her. "House doesn't need any of you to make his decisions for him or to fight with him right now. What he does need is for you to give him space and to act like professionals. I don't want him to stubbornly refuse to ask you for anything because he doesn't want to have to endure a lecture from you, and he will if that's what he thinks he will have to listen too."

"You're right and we'll make sure we give him good care without judgment," Chase said seriously.

"Thank you," Cuddy said and left, she still had some hunting to do for a brown hair, brown eyed oncologist with a short fuse. She knocked on his door and heard him say to come in, so she did.

Wilson looked up and rolled his eyes, "Nevermind, go away," he said as he returned to his paperwork.

Cuddy closed the door behind her, "What the hell was that in there?"

He scoffed, "It was House being an idiot about his health care for the millionth time, and you know what? I don't blame him for this, I blame you! You're the one that let him use his office as a hospital room! You're the one that was stupid enough to tell him that he could work when he needs to be resting because this chemo treatment is going to take every bit of strength he has if not more!" Wilson said loudly, and realized that at some point he must have stood.

Cuddy was taken a little off guard by his temper at her. "So you're mad at me for giving him CHOICES! Sorry Wilson, I don't think we should strip him of his freedoms and tie him down to a bed so we can force him to do what ever YOU want!"

"DON'T!" Wilson said in a loud deep voice that even he'd never heard as his felt his eye twitch, "Don't compare me to...I'm nothing like the men tha... I'm not them," he said staring her down.

Cuddy suddenly realized what Wilson had thought she had meant by the statement. She'd only meant it wasn't his place as a doctor to try to control his personal decisions, she hadn't even thought about how the fake scene she'd painted had literally been done to House but in a much darker way. "I didn't mean it like that, you piss me off sometimes but I wouldn't never compare you to them," she said softly, regretting her choice of words. "But the way you acted in there was completely unprofessional, being his doctor and boyfriend doesn't give you the right to treat him like a child."

He shook his head as he watched her, "You don't get it, this isn't about him 'reading' a patient file."

"Then what's it about?" she asked.

"It's about what comes later. Right now, him reading patient files and giving his thoughts on a diagnoses isn't going to hurt anything, but later when the chemo starts wearing on him more and he's too stubborn to stop trying to treat patients, that's when it's going to matter. Cuddy, it's not going to take long before it gets there and when it does I'm not going be the one that breaks his spirit by telling him that he's no longer capable of doing the ONE thing he prides himself on." Wilson said with a frown.

Cuddy swallowed as she thought about what he'd said, "He knows that there will be times he won't be able to treat patients. He's smart enough to know that, James." She said but with less confidence than she wished she had.

"He also knows that it's unethical to treat patient when he's high, but it's happened. He knew and we knew, it wasn't right for him to be treating patients while he was detoxing but it happened too. Greg knows more than ten doctors combined but knowing and doing are two different things. He's stubborn, Lisa, and while he's fighting cancer, treating patients will help as a distraction and to give him hope, but it's also going to make the reality of what he's going through that much harder when it's taken away. I doubt there has ever been a room where he wasn't the smartest on in the room, but the medicine and chemo are going to take that away from him at times." He said trying to explain. "If he loses a patient because he didn't think of he correct diagnoses fast enough, how do you think he'll handle that, or if his team figures out the diagnoses when he can't? House prides him self on his mind, in his eyes, it's the only thing worth while he has, and when he loses that I don't know what he'll do."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes on him, "Well I guess we have to hope he'll take it as well as he did when you slept with Julie."

Wilson frowned, "It was a mistake I made after we got in a fight and I got drunk, and quit acting like he's innocent in all of the this. He's the one that said 'I love you' first and now that I'm in a relationship he's the one that's always putting a hold on everything."

Cuddy looked at him with disgust, "He's been raped, you sick son of bitch, and you're holding it against him that he isn't ready to have sex yet. I don't see how you can even look yourself in the mirror."

Wilson swallowed hard, "It isn't just sex. He's keeping things from me, and you know it. He isn't opening up to me like I need him too, he doesn't trust me."

"Maybe if you could quit screwing around on him he would! And he has opened up to you about things, but it's going to take time and you have to give him as much time as he needs." Cuddy said firmly.

Wilson sighed, "Actually I don't. I love him and I want this to work, but I'm not going to wait forever for him to realize I'm not them, or for him finally start opening up to me."

Cuddy stilled herself, "Well last time I heard that he opened up to you and tried to progress your physical relationship, you were the one that backed down."

Wilson was stunned, never in a hundred years would he have thought that Greg would have told anyone about that. His lip shook some as he thought about that night, "What.. they did to him... it wasn't human. The amount of scaring was..." his voice faded off as he looked down. "And then what was carved into him..." he said feeling sick that anyone could do that to any living thing, let alone another person. He took deep breaths as he leaned back on his desk for support.

Cuddy watched as the color had drained from his face, "Wilson, you're a doctor you should have expect that there would be some damage."

"You didn't feel it... all there was was scars... it was," Wilson said as his mouth went dry and his hands began to shake rather violently on their own accord.

Cuddy watched him with worry, "James, are you okay?"

Wilson shook his head absently as his mouth twisted in disgust at the thoughts of what those men had to have done to Greg to leave that much damage. He looked at her with moist eyes, "It wasn't human, Lisa."

Cuddy didn't know what to say back.

Wilson slowly made his way to his chair and sat down. "He agreed to go to therapy with me," he said flatly.

"That's good, right?" Cuddy said chewing her lips some.

"Yeah," Wilson said back flatly.

"I'm sure it'll help," She said hoping to give him some reassurance.

"God, I hope so," Wilson said looking into her eyes and suddenly something that Greg and him had talked about crossed his mind. "There was something I've been meaning to talk to you about," he said taking a deep breath.

Cuddy sighed and sat down, "Whatever it is, you need to think about if Greg would want you to talk to me about it, because if it has to do with him, and he asks, I'll tell him what you tell me." She said seriously.

"Oh I know," Wilson said, "and a word to the wise, you might want to take some of your own advice. I doubt he asked you to come in here and talk to me about the things we discussed, not that I don't understand why you did, I'm just saying he might not like you coming here on his behalf."

Cuddy sat up a little straighter, "Maybe not and while I think your intentions for not wanting him to see patients is good, I don't think your approach was. Wilson, the amount of influence you have over him is troubling."

"Obviously I'm not that influential, he's reading the file and going to continue taking patients," Wilson said with defeat.

"Actually, he's not," she said with worry as Wilson looked at her with interest. "He's so afraid of you leaving him, that he's going to do anything you say."

Wilson's lip twitched, "But he fought me on it just an hour ago."

"Because you demanded he didn't read the file in front of his team and Roberts," Cuddy explained. "He was just fighting with you to save face with them, but when they left he didn't read it. He said that 'it wasn't worth it'."

He leaned his head back and ran his hands over his face slowly as he stared at the ceiling. "What do I do?" he asked softly.

She wasn't sure if he was asking her or God. "The question isn't what you need do, it's how you do it. You need to let him know when you think he's making a bad decision and why, but not make him feel that if he doesn't do what you want that you'll leave him, and I don't know how you can do that."

"The only way that's going to happen is if he feels more secure in our relationship and more confident in himself," Wilson said with a frown.

"Well cheating on him didn't help matters," Cuddy said back seriously.

Wilson let out an exhausted sigh, "I know, we'll talk about it in therapy, maybe it'll help. Anyway, what I wanted to talk to you about was letting Greg carry a gun at the hospital."

She shook her head, thinking she must have misheard him, "What?!"

He looked at her, "You heard me," he said seriously. "Cuddy, he's scared."

"And I hate that he is, but I can't just let people carry guns because their scared, and you know that. He's safe here, Wilson." Cuddy said with confidence.

"No he isn't! He was shot here, or did you forget about that?" Wilson said back as he sat up straight, "And he might of even been raped in this building."

Cuddy swallowed as she looked at his desk, "Did he say he was raped here?"

"No, but where else do you think Vogler cornered him?" He asked.

She chewed her lips at that thought, "Is this you're idea or his?"

"He asked me to talk to you about it," Wilson said watching as she looked up at him surprise.

"How scared is he?" Cuddy asked, shocked that Greg would ask Wilson to speak to her about it.

Wilson frowned, "You now how scared he was of losing the leg, and now how scared he is of not getting out of the wheelchair?"

"Yes," Cuddy said wondering what this had to do with him carrying a weapon.

"A big part of the reason he's scared is that he wont be able to fight them off as good if someone else tries to rape him, and also he thinks that part of the reason that Vogler and Tritter target him was because he used a cane, and therefore thinks more people will target him if he's in a wheelchair." He said with sympathetic look.

Her brows knitted together as she thought about how his disability had hindered him from fighting against Tritter and felt a load of guilt she'd never expected hit her as she gasped and look at Wilson. "It was my fault! If I hadn't done the surgery on his leg he would have been able to get away."

"There's no way to know that he still wouldn't have been raped," Wilson said truthfully.

"But he would have had a better chance fighting them off," Cuddy stated and looked down as she thought about House's request to carry a weapon. "I can't let him carry a gun, James, even if I wanted to it's out of my hands, but I'll agree to let him carry a taser gun."

He smiled as he walked over and hugged her, "Thank you," he said softly. "He's just needs to be able to protect himself. Thank you so much Lisa."

Cuddy gave him a sad smile, "It's the least I can do." She said and left.

Wilson looked at the clock and saw he had a good twenty minutes before his next patient was coming in and decided he would check in on Greg. He walked in the DDX room to see Chase sitting at the table. "How's our patient?" Wilson asked.

Chase shrugged, "He hasn't called for anything."

"Okay," Wilson said as he walked to the door for House's office.

"Wilson," Chase said and continued when Wilson looked back at him, "I know you were pretty mad at him early about the patient file, but I honestly don't think he's read it. If he had he would have called us in to tell us how he would want us to treat her and what he thought was wrong."

Wilson nodded, "I wasn't really mad at him," he provided.

Chase sat up a little straighter, "The way you were yelling at him made it sound like you were, and right now he doesn't need added stress. Roberts gave us the updated file on House. He can't walk, he's got a highly tricky cancer, and today is his first round of treatments; maybe you could give him a break today."

Wilson sighed as he felt more guilty about his earlier fight with House, "That's the plan, thanks."

Chase nodded as he watched Wilson go into see House and close the door.

Wilson closed the door softly as he looked at Greg who was staring off into space with a blank face. "How are you feeling?" He asked as he walked up to the foot of the bed and waited a couple of minutes for a response. Wilson watched as House just kept staring off. "No sarcastic remarks or cutting words?" He asked playfully trying to get Greg to say something as he became more worried because Greg still hadn't responded to his presence. "Listen, I get that I acted like an ass and I'm sorry," Wilson said truthfully.

House glanced at him, "Why, you got what you wanted?" He said flatly and looked away again.

Wilson grimaced, but knew he deserved that. "That's not all that matters to me," he said softly.

House closed his eyes, "Was that all?"

"If you want to read the file then you should," Wilson said and shrugged as Greg looked at him, "I'm not always right."

A ghost of a smile played across House's lips, "You don't really believe that, at least not about this."

Wilson's lip twitched, "No, but it's your choice, not mine."

House nodded, "I know, and I'm choosing to not to have you pissed at me."

"I'm not going to be pissed at you if you decide to continue to take patients," Wilson said with a smile.

"Yes you will," House countered sitting his bed up some.

"No, I won't," Wilson said louder, getting frustrated and sighed as House gave him a 'told you so' look. "Okay, I might not like it but I'd rather you see keep reading patient files because that's what you want to do, rather than for you to not do it in order to appease me, you doing that upsets me more." He said watching Greg.

"So what you're saying is there no way for me to not make you mad on some level," House said with a tired expression as he rubbed his hands over his face. "And I had thought being with a man would be less complicated."

Wilson smiled a little, "What can I say, I'm not a simple man."

"Tell me about it," House said thinking some. "You can't talk to me like that in front of my team anymore, unless your willing to tell them," he said flatly as he watched James.

Wilson sighed as he frowned and nodded. He could tell by the look in Greg's eyes that he was serious, which meant he'd crossed one of those unspoken lines between them. "Do... you.. think we should tell them?" he asked with hesitation.

House raised an eyebrow as he appraised James and the question he'd just been asked. He hadn't seen this question coming up, especially here and now. "Where's this coming from?" He asked searching James's eyes.

"It's just that... I don't know..." Wilson said stumbling over his words as he walked over to the side of Greg's bed. "Part of me thinks it would be better if they knew. It's getting harder and harder to pretend like there isn't something more going on." He said looking down at his hands.

"You're my doctor, James. It's already against the ethics code of you to be treating a patient who's a friend, but if it gets out that I was more than just a friend, it could get a lot worse than a slap on the wrist if I die," House said slowly as he watched Wilson with a serious expression, "And that could go for Cuddy as well, for allowing it."

Wilson nodded, "I know," he said looking Greg in the eyes.

"And?" House asked not seeing why James didn't seem worried about this. "James's I don't want you torching your career for me, and I can't say that I think Cuddy would want to blemish her career either."

Wilson scoffed at Greg softly with a sad smile, "Greg if it gets that bad do you really think that they won't find out? Do you really think that any of them will leave your side if it gets to that point or that I wont be holding you hand and telling you how much I love you?"

"Not if you're smart," House said and swallowed, "James's... I'm not worth it, especially if I'm dead."

"Don't say that," Wilson said as he caressed the side Greg's face.

House could tell that James wasn't getting that he REALLY wasn't worth the sacrifice of James's career. His jaw tightened, as he wanted to argue but could tell that it would do no good here and instead let out a heavy sigh from his nose.

Wilson felt his heartache at the notion that Greg REALLY didn't get how much he was worth, or that no matter who the hell was in the room that he wasn't going to be telling Greg exactly how much he loved him when ever he did die. "Would you really keep it a secret if I dying in a hospital bed for your career, Greg?"

House sighed, "It's not the same."

"Why isn't it?" Wilson asked calling Greg on his statement.

House frowned, "Because you're worth it and we shouldn't even be having this conversation here." He said in a weary voice. "I'm not..." he looked away some, "feeling that great right now."

Wilson nodded, even though he he wanted to yell at Greg that he was worth it too. "Just to let you know I'm still going to hold you to finishing this conversation later with me at home."

House forced a smile, "Like I would expect any different."

Wilson smiled back, "Here," he said as he stood up and put the patients file in Greg's hands. "It was your choice and I had no right to try and take it away. I would stay longer, but I have another patient, but I'll be back in an hour and a half, okay?"

"Yeah," House said looking at the file with more light in his eyes then Wilson had seen when he came.

Wilson smiled feeling better than he did when he walked in, "I'm expecting to here about your case when I come back."

House gave him a soft smile, "Is that an order Doc?"

"You bet it is," Wilson said back jokingly and left.

**Sorry it's been so long but I will try my best not to make it habit. I was sick and now I'm back on my feet. I will be trying to write a new chapter on this story every two weeks. I'm very interest in knowing if you readers think that Greg and James should come out to the team and why. Thanks for being so patient. Nicole**


	37. Chapter 37: Will Power

_Guest, Is Cuddy going a bit far, yes! Is Wilson going a bit far yelling at House in front of the team, yes! Is House pushing thing farther than he should be, YES! That's the point, no one is perfect, especially in a situation like this. House is pushing himself more than he needs to be, while Wilson is fighting with him when he needs to be trying to keep House calm and Cuddy is becoming over protective of House because she is sympathetic to him. It's what happens in real life, people aren't perfect. I'm glad to know it was noticeable at least to you. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoy the new chapter. - Nicole _

Foreman sighed as he heard a muffled curse word come from House's office. He got up and opened the door to find House peering over the side of his bed at something, then House looked at him and paled some. "What the hell do you want?! I didn't call for you." He said as if reminding Foreman.

Foreman started to walk around the bed so he could see what had upset the man.

"Stop!" House said as he watched Foreman give him and amused look, "I... I have an idea about the case," he said licking his lips as Foreman stopped moving and looked intrigued. "In the file the mother listed leg twitching as a nervous compulsion. What if it isn't a twitch, what if it's a spasm?"

"That would change everything," Foreman said as he lifted an eyebrow, "did you have anything that came to your mind with spasm as a new symptom?"

"If I told you everything you'd never learn," House said leaning back as he started to relax some.

Foreman smirked and took two large steps quickly to which House sat back up looking pissed. Foreman scoffed as he saw the upside down bedpan. "Great," he said looking back up at House who avoided his eyes, "I'm guessing that wasn't empty," he said with irritation.

House swallowed as he stared at the bedpan, "No," he said with embarrassment.

"Well I sure am glad I went to medical school to clean up your crap," Foreman said sarcastically as he gloved up.

"Good thing I didn't hire you for your bedside manner," House quipped back.

Foreman couldn't help the half smile that appeared from House's response, even with the cancer the man refused to be humbled. "Well I learned from the best," he said as he started cleaning up the mess.

The right side of House's lip curled up slightly and then quickly fell again, the only indication that he'd thought Foreman's comeback was good. "So... being a criminal and all, you must know some good lawyers." House said in a tone that indicated that the conversation was important.

Foreman rolled his eyes as he looked up at House. "I'm not a criminal, I got into some trouble when I was a kid, that's all. What do you want with a lawyer anyway?" he asked with slight interest.

House wanted to chew his lips but Wilson had been picking up on that and he was sure the rest of his staff had noticed it was an anxious mechanism. Instead he took a slow breath, "I need to make a living Will along with a general Will." He said watching Foreman.

Foreman looked up at him with a frown, he didn't like thinking about the possibility that House could die, even if they weren't close, he cared. "Doesn't Wilson know a lawyer?" he said trying to avoid his emotions.

"He knows quite a few lawyers, but he'll start to freak out if he finds out I'm making a living Will, or the general Will. You heard him earlier, he isn't ready to except the fact I might die." House said flatly.

Foreman stood up as he was done cleaning up the mess that had been made, "So you want me to find you a lawyer, probably even sneak them in here so you can get the Wills written up and keep it all from Wilson." He said and pretended to think about it, "The answers no, as of lately he's more scary than you are."

House's eyebrow popped up in interest, "Really? What's old Jimmy boy been up too?"

"You mean besides the blow-up he had in here about you reading our new patient file," Foreman said with a knowing look. "When you left to go to the OR he threatened our careers if we didn't give the best care possible."

House narrowed his eyes on Foreman, not liking this news. "He's not your boss, I am. Cuddy and me are the only ones with the authority to fire any of you."

"I'm not talking about getting us fired, I'm talking about him using his friends and networking to make sure we can't find a job anywhere in the US." Foreman said, as he was still a little impressed.

House grinned slightly, "Wilson did that? I guess he's been spending too much time around me, it's finally rubbing off on him." He said, then smirked, "But he's just a copy cat, I'm the original, and unlike Wilson, you know I have the balls to do what I say. So... I'm telling you to get me a lawyer in here by next week and if Wilson finds out I'll handle it."

Foreman thought about it, he'd seen Wilson argue House out of the DDX room earlier, but at the same time House had won the argument about reading the new patient file. He smirked, "Fine, I'll get you a lawyer by next week, but you have to do something for me. In your Will I wanted it put in that I get all of your research."

House was surprised by the request, "Not all of it is in English," he said flatly.

Foreman grinned figuring House was just trying talk him out of it, "I'll manage, is it a deal?"

House had always intended to leave the research to the hospital and a couple of select projects to his college, but honestly Foreman had a better understanding of how thought, and had plenty of ambition to make sure something got done with it. He knew Chase and Cameron would be upset if Foreman got the research and they didn't, but he'd be dead and it wouldn't matter then, plus they hadn't asked. "Deal," he said simply with tensed features.

Foreman hadn't expected House to even really consider it, let alone agree to it. He blinked blankly at his mentor and his mouth closed in a frown. "Nice try," he said evenly and narrowed eyes while tilting his head, "but I get you the lawyer and then you get a Will drawn up with whatever you want in it. You'd never give me all your research, but you would let me get you a lawyer in here under the assumption you would then not put it in the Will." Foreman said with a bitter smile.

"Why wouldn't I give it to you?" House asked with interest.

Foreman scoffed with his mouth open but nothing really came to mind, then he shrugged, "You don't like me."

"I don't hate you, and I don't love you... I like you just fine. I think you're a good doctor, you understand my thinking process better than most. And if there is one thing you should have learned from me it is that I don't bring human emotions in to medical practices." House said truthfully.

"But..." Foreman started without anywhere to go and quickly shut his mouth as he looked at House skeptically. "Every doctor that's ever heard your name wants your research, and you expect me to believe that instead of leaving your research to the Mayo Clinic and John Hopkins and every other elite hospital and medical center out there, you're just going to hand it over to me for doing you a solid?"

House had a amused look on his face as he saw Foreman twisting himself inside out. "Are you trying to convince me not to leave it to you?"

"No, it's just... I don't understand why you would," Foreman said with searching eyes and a frown.

"You're the only one that's asked, isn't that enough," House said with a slight grin but the flex in Foreman's jaw made it clear that he wasn't buying it. He sighed, "I want it used and I believe you have ambition to make sure it is, and I think you will understand the connections I've made better than the people at John Hopkins or any of the other medical schools." His eyes wondered to the window, "You're good," he said clearly, then quickly glance back at Foreman, "not as good as me of course, but you're good."

Foreman felt touched and at the same time he felt undeserving of being the sole heir a legacy's works such as House's. They were both looking in each others eyes and suddenly he felt very grateful to even be in the same room with the man, much like he had the first year of working with him. They argued most of the time and they weren't what you would call close friends. They had respect for each other though, and over the years it seemed he'd forgotten exactly who it was he was working for. He'd gotten over his awe of working for one of the best minds in lifetime and instead taken to trying to knock House down a couple of pegs whenever possible. But the idea that House was saying he didn't see anyone more worthy of his life work than, Foreman, himself, humbled him. "I'm not as good as you are, and I'll probably never be as good as you are." He said with concern of never being able to do the most with House's research.

"You're as good as anyone else," House said without hesitation.

Foreman swallowed, "I've only gotten as good as I am because of you, three years ago I wasn't half the doctor I am today," he said as he felt his eyes moisten slightly.

House looked away from Foreman as he could see the emotions in the mans eyes. "James said I should have another one of those high calorie liquid meals by now... so.." he said looking out the window and trying not to think about the emotions that were hitting him too.

"Yeah, I'll go get you one and some water," Foreman said, knowing that this was House's way of trying to defuse the emotional conversation. "I'll get you the lawyer," he said before the door closed.

111111111111

It was fifteen minutes later when Roberts walked into the room to see Foreman handing House his liquid meal and a bottle of water, "How's the first round of Chemo going, Dr. House?" He said with a practiced smile, he still wasn't sure how he should act.

House rolled his eyes, "So were you lurking outside, just waiting for the moment the guard dog left his post or did you some how get the impression from Wilson that you're presence would be welcomed?"

Roberts didn't know what to say and looked to Foreman who smirked as he walked past him, obviously not helping him out any. "I just came by to do a check up, didn't know I needed a pass," he said trying to keep up some.

"When you said that just now, were you thinking of a hall pass like in high school or a backstage pass at a concert?" House asked casually as he watch Roberts look around with confusion. "If you said you meant a hall pass, then that would mean you see me with as much importance as taking a leek in the boy's room, but if you said a backstage pass it sounds like I'm just here for you're amusement. So, which is it?"

Roberts swallowed as he didn't know which one he was suppose to pick, they both sounded pretty lousy, or was he suppose to come up with a different kind of pass... but the only thing he could think of was a bus pass and he could already imagine how House would twist that to sound like Roberts was there to take him for a ride. He took a deep breath as he looked into the eyes of calculating judgment. "Just here to do a check up, that's all," he said back giving a nervous smile.

House smirked at the answer, "Foreman! You owe me a twenty!" He yelled and smiled as the door opened.

Foreman sighed as he walked back in and put a twenty on the side table, but as he left he had the courtesy to look at least slightly ashamed as he passed Roberts.

Roberts looked at the money with irritation but tried to shrug it off, "So, can we get on with it then," he said as he walked over the side of the bed with a clipboard and pen in hand. House didn't answer him so he took it on himself to start, "How's the nausea?" he asked.

"Fine," House said shortly.

"And the pain?" Roberts asked as he made his note that House wasn't suffering from nausea and put the pen on the line under the question of pain, but House wasn't saying anything. He looked up to see the man watching him with narrowed eyes, but didn't understand the reason behind it. "Dr. House, could you please tell me about how much pain your in?" he asked again.

House scoffed, this was the reason Roberts was here, to get his answer on pain and inform James to what he said. "If Dr. Wilson wants to know how much pain I'm in he can come and ask me himself, otherwise leave it blank and lets move on."

Roberts lifted an eyebrow, "It's just a standard question. It's important for me to know how you are handling the pain so that I can make sure you're as comfortable as I can make you. Dr. Wilson didn't make this form specifically for you, it's been around long before he started working here. Now, will you please just answer the question?"

"Has he given you permission to prescribe medications for me without his approval?" House asked, realizing that Roberts didn't know Wilson was using him.

Roberts thought about that, "Well, no, but every patient needs to have one person supervising all the medications, otherwise we could give you things that might have bad interactions or too much of something."

House nodded his understanding of such practices, "Tell you what, you go and ask him to give you control over my pain meds, and if he say's yes, then I'll talk to you about my pain." He said challengingly.

Roberts chuckled over the irony, as much as House criticized patients for not cooperating when he was no better. "Doctors really do make great patients," he said sarcastically. "So, can you get over yourself and just answer the question?"

"You think this is about ego? Wow, either you are as much of an idiot as you look or you're as naïve as Macaulay Culkin at Neverland Ranch." House said with a smirk.

"You can call me an idiot or naïve or anything else you want, it doesn't change the fact that you're the one who's afraid to answer a question, not me." Roberts said smugly.

House's jaw flexed as he's eyes narrowed again on Roberts, "Like either one of you would believe what I told you anyway! I'm a chronic pain patient that's addicted to opiates, I know how it goes. If I tell you that the pain is too much, you think I'm lying to get more drugs, if I tell you that I'm fine, you two assume that it's because I'm getting more drugs then I need and start cutting it back." he said bitterly.

Roberts had of course heard the rumors about House's addiction, but until now he'd never been sure and was shocked House thought it would change the way his claims of pain would be treated. He glanced at the heart monitor to see House's pulse had climbed significantly from the upset, "We're treating you for a serious cancer in which the treatment is brutal on the entire body. Pain is to be expected and we will treat for it. We're not monsters, we're not going to let you suffer anymore than we can prevent, this isn't about judgment or punishments." He said confidently then scoffed, "I get you accusing me of not treating this professionally because you don't know me, but I can't believe you think Dr. Wilson would sit by and watch anyone suffer if he could stop it."

House smiled at how little this man knew Dr. Wilson. He personally knew that Wilson had the stones to not only watch him suffering but to lecture him about it while it was happening, but most people didn't know this side of the overly sweet and sensitive head of oncology. "How many times have you worked with Wilson since you started here?"

Roberts shrugged, "Maybe ten times over the last two years, why?"

"No reason, I'm sure you know him way better than I do; I mean we've only been friends for about a decade and helped each other on dozens of cases." House said condescendingly with a smirk.

"He's a good man and a good doctor," Roberts said not liking how this was sounding, after all Wilson was treating him because he'd asked him too.

"I never said he wasn't and you don't have any idea of how good he is, but he's also not one dimensional. He's complex and trusting and the best man I've ever had the honor of knowing." House said with passion. "Just don't act like you know him, because you don't have a clue."

Dr. Roberts was both confused and in awe of the amount of conviction behind House's words. He'd never heard of House saying such nice things about anyone before. He wished he could get some kind of understanding on the man, but as soon as he thought he had something figured out he'd discover he was completely off base. There was only one thing he was certain about when it came to House, the man was not simple by any means.

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It was six when Wilson dismissed the team, letting them know he was going to stay the first night with House. Wilson walked into House's room with two large gym bags, "So I heard you gave Roberts a hard time," he said as he put the bags on top of House's filing cabinets. He waited for House to say something but when he didn't he continued. "Roberts seemed to think you had some fears about us not taking your pain levels to heart," he said fishing for House to talk to him about it, but when he didn't Wilson walked over to the side of the bed, "that's not going to happen, okay?" He said as he watch House swallow while staring up at the ceiling. He grabbed one of the high calorie liquid meals he'd picked up for House and poured it in the feeding tube, "This one's suppose to taste better, you'll have to let me know what you think," he said looking to House with a slight smile, but the smile faded as House still didn't speak. He closed off the tube and threw the container in the trash. "I thought a shower could do you some good, I told the team that I'll be taking care of that part and I brought you some clothes from home."

House closed his eyes, the pain was wearing on him, the nausea was old, and all he wanted was someone to hold him. He didn't want Dr. Wilson who was pretending this was normal and everything was fine, he wanted James and his soft comforting touches.

The boyfriend in Wilson wanted to crawl up in bed with Greg and whisper how unfair it was and how he'd be there every step of the way, but the doctor in him knew it was only going to get worse. "I'll get your stuff together for the shower," he said softly as he gathered everything he needed from the gym bag. Wilson pulled the covers back and was a little surprised when House sat up on his own and pulled his legs over the edge. "I can help," he said.

"I can do it," House said tartly. He stood up on his legs and quickly sat down in the wheelchair. He felt like he was about to puke as he took deep breaths.

The shower went by awkwardly. House had tried to do everything himself but when his leg started to give out on him he was forced to hold himself with both arms while Wilson washed what he was unable to finish, which was his back. During the whole time House never looked at or spoke to Wilson and part of Wilson was happy with that because he didn't know what he'd say. It was hard on both of them, House having to give in to the notion that he was going to need more help than he was comfortable with, and Wilson trying to help without crossing some invisible line and at the same time his body reacting to seeing House's naked body. The water running down the muscles on his back and down his spine, then between his buttocks, Wilson swallowed as he continued to wash House, while naked as well. Once House was clean Wilson dried him off then helped him to the wheelchair, and finished his own shower.

As soon as House was in his room he pulled the mask off, letting it fall to the ground for Wilson to pick up and rolled over to the bed. Wilson, as expected, picked up the mask and looked at Greg to complain when he saw the man trying to get in the bed. He quickly rushed to House's side as he started to fall, wrapping his arms around him as he pushed him against the bed.

House gave him an irritated look as he tried to pushed James's back some but he didn't budge, instead he gave and stern look back and move him until his butt was on the bed. When James leg go House softly held on to his arms, "Don't," he pleaded.

Wilson was confused and yet happy to hear House finally saying something. "And he finally speaks," he said back with a little irritation.

House let go of James's arm and spread his legs as he moved his hands to James's waist and pulled him closer, resting his head against the middle of James's chest.

Wilson swallowed at the intimacy in the gesture. He sighed as he let his arms gently wrap around House... no Greg, this was definitely Greg. "You know, part of me thinks you planned this whole falling incident," he whispered in the mans hair.

House smiled coyly as his right hand left James's side and started rubbing the front of James's sleep pants.

Wilson tried to pull back some but Greg's left hand tightened it's grip, "Greg, I'm not sure if we should..." his words stopped in his throat as Greg looked at him with such sadness and need he couldn't continue.

House waited for James's to finish his rejection but when he didn't House continued to rub Wilson's hardening penis through the pants and placed dry kiss on the mans collarbone.

Wilson gasped at how good that kiss felt and the work Greg's right hand was doing. He dipped his head and was met by Greg's hungry lips on his. His right hand fell to Greg's left thigh which he rubbed some before moving it to a his crouch.

House pulled back from the kiss, "It's sore from the catheter," he explained.

Wilson put his hand on Greg's to stop his work, "But... that means I can't.."

"That's fine," House interrupted as his hand started to move again but James's tightened around his again.

"It's not like it just became sore, you knew that before you started this," Wilson said watching him with suspicion.

"Duh," House said to him with attitude.

Wilson scoffed, "Then why start it up if you're not going to get to join in? What do you get out of it?"

House couldn't believe he'd have to ask such a question as his hands dropped to the bed, "You know what, I think you're right. This was a stupid idea." He said bitterly and started hooking himself back up to all the medicines, machines, and (his favorite) the catheter.

Wilson was a little stunned as he watched House quickly hook himself back up to everything while avoiding his eyes. "Greg, I didn't mean to upset you," he said with tenderness, but the only response he got was a hard swallow from the man. Now that he had his hormones in better check it was obvious that Greg had just been needing some physical comfort and was probably trying to reassure himself that Wilson still desired him, that he could still satisfy him. The first day of treatments were an emotional roller coaster for any patient, something he always told his patients to expect and was supportive through, but Greg wasn't the kind of guy to just come out and say that he needed some comfort or was feeling even less confident than usual. Wilson sighed, he'd messed this up good. "Do you mind if I lay down beside you?" he asked, to which Greg closed his eyes. Wilson walked around to the mostly empty side of the bed and laid down on his side facing Greg. "I'm an idiot, not that you're all that smart either, because you know that your always thinking about ten steps a head of me but still expect me know what you're thinking, which I never do and then you get disappointed again. I really wish you would try talking to me, Greg," he pleaded.

House glanced at James and noticed the warmth and love in his eyes. "This would all be a lot easier if you were just telepathic."

Wilson smiled some, "Yeah, but if I was telepathic then you wouldn't be able to play your little mind games on me."

"I wouldn't have to if you were," House pointed out.

Wilson held Greg's hand, "You can talk to me, Greg, you always have before."

"Not about... this kind of stuff," House said truthfully. "Talking about.. feelings, is something I've always avoided and you never really questioned me too much about it." He said looking at James who squeezed his hand and stayed quite. House swallowed, "We need to have time that's just... us, James and Greg, not House the patient and Dr. Wilson."

Wilson looked at him confused, "Isn't that what we're doing now, or are you cheating on me with Dr. Wilson? I have passed him in the hall a couple of times, he's incredibly handsome and smart and I could understand your attraction to him, people often say we look a lot like, but I think I'm better in bed."

House's lip curled up some but dropped quickly after, "I thought James would be the guy who walked though my door with the gym bags, but... he wasn't." He said watching James.

Wilson would have denied it, but it was true and Greg didn't need the stress of a silly argument he would be having just to pretend Greg misinterpreted things. "I'll try harder on that," he said and caressed Greg's cheekbone with his thumb. "I love you so much and... Greg, you don't have to give me hand job to know that I still find you to be incredibly sexy and want you, all you need to do is look in my eyes."

House felt uncomfortable by the emotional words and looked away from James's eyes, "Or pay attention to the hard on you got after washing me."

Wilson blushed some, "Umm... yeah, or that."

"It's not just for you, it makes me feel good to get you off," House said glancing to James. "I like the way your eyes dilate and the way you moan. It makes me feel good to hear my name stuttered out of your lips when you get close... nothing is quite like that." He said with intense eyes on James as his hand slipped under the waistband of James's pajama bottoms.

Wilson licked his lips as he felt Greg's hand wrap around his semi-hard cock. "God... how did you learn to be so good at that," he said as he widened his legs to give Greg's hand more room to work.

House's eyes became guarded and cold, "How do you think?" he asked keeping his tone casual.

Wilson felt like there was something off about Greg, but it was hard to really concentrate as Greg was making him bite his lips from the sensations on his dick. "Lots of... ooohhhh... practice..." he said before he kissed Greg tenderly to stifle the next moan that was about to come out of his mouth.

House drank the kisses and moans down like he would have a good Scotch, then pulled back. James looked disappointed. "Take them off," House said looking down at the tent in the pajama bottoms, "I want to see it." James did as he was asked and House spit on his hand and then continued his work on James's red hot throbbing member.

"Fuck... mmmm, Gr..eg... ohhh.. shit..." Wilson said looking into his lovers eyes as he hissed through his teeth while his hips thrust his cock in Greg's hand.

House let go bringing his hand to James's mouth, who licked the hand with need and spit in it two. House smirked as he coated James's penis with the makeshift lube, but then massaged the mans balls some while rubbing a slick wet finger around his anus. James's eyes met his in a dark lust as House could feel his anus relaxing. "Maybe some other time," House said back with a smirk as his hand made it's way back to James's dick and he went at it without mercy.

"AAHHHhh ooohh, shit... slow... ooohhh... mmmm.. down..." Wilson begged as he felt a familiar tingle in his balls. "Gre...g... uuuaaaahhh..."

House watched as his hand worked it's magic on James's red thick cock, all he wanted to do replace it with his mouth so he could feel James's seed fill his mouth and throat but he knew that he couldn't at the moment because he was hooked up to too much stuff. "Yes, that's it James, cum for me. Cum for me," House whispered in a deep needy voice.

Wilson's mouth flew open and gurgled moan escaped from deep in his throat as he cam. He was still cumming when he felt Greg nipping at his lips and he kissed the man back with desire. When the kiss finally broke Greg turned on his back like Wilson had been for the last five minutes and the both stared at the ceiling. Wilson's muscles felt like jello after the orgasm, and realized that it have been days since he'd relaxed this much. "Thanks, I needed that more than I thought," he said blissfully as he took off his shirt only to have Greg wipe his hands on it, then Wilson wiped off his penis and threw the shirt on the floor.

House sanitized his hands, "It's a been tense couple of days," he said as he tried not to concentrate on how tired and worn his arm felt from the short amount of exercise it had gotten. "So... when are you going to set me up with an appointment with Henry?" He asked, the more he'd thought about it the more anxious yet hopeful he got and was ready to get it started.

Wilson was surprised by the question, he'd figured Greg would avoid the issue until he brought it up again. "As soon as you think you're ready," he said glancing at Greg.

"Set it up as soon as you can. I have enough important stuff going on right now that I don't need to be dwelling on how this is going to go. Tomorrow won't work, because I'm assuming I'll have to take the chemo in a lumbar puncture, but maybe the next day he could come here." House said looking at the ceiling with worry.

That would be a Sunday, and Wilson wasn't hopeful that Henry would want to do a session on his day off, but it never hurt to ask. "I'll call him tomorrow and see if he can do it then," he said still watching Greg. "Have you thought anymore about telling your team about us?"

House swallowed, "It's career suicide for you, James. All it takes is one person going to the ethics board about this and your career is more important than me."

Wilson took a deep breath to keep himself from telling Greg how wrong he was. "Is that the only reason?" He asked looking at the ceiling.

House glanced at him, "What other reason would there be?"

"Maybe you aren't ready to come out of the closet. I've known you for ten years and you just recently told me that you find men attractive too." Wilson said with a frown, "Maybe you're ashamed to be with me." He said, not really thinking it was the issue but wondering if Greg would consider telling the team just to prove that he wasn't ashamed of him.

House sighed tiredly, "You're a manipulative bitch, you know I'm not ashamed of you." He said with some anger. "I've been waiting for us to get together for years, and now that I finally have you I can't tell anyone. If I didn't have this stupid cancer I would yell from the roof tops, but I do and if people found out it could hurt you."

Wilson frowned as he looked at House's stats on the machines, "You're right, I'm an ass. Now you need to calm down, you're getting yourself worked up." He said with concern. Greg rolled his eyes but took deeper breaths. "I'm not ashamed of you either, I love you and I don't like having to hide that." Wilson said softly.

House looked at him as he felt his heart warm from his words and the honesty he saw in James's eyes. "If we decided to tell them I would have to be the one to do it. If I do it, they can't really go to the ethics board without crossing the line of breaking patient confidentiality." He said thinking about it some as he saw James smile.

"So, you'll consider it?" Wilson asked hopefully.

"James, I'm still unsure about this. I don't want you thinking that this is an automatic yes, okay?" House said not wanting to disappoint James.

"I understand, I'm just glad you're considering it. I got Cuddy to agree to let you keep a stun gun when in the hospital for protection." Wilson said with a small smile.

House swallowed hard as he pulled the man into as tight of a hug as he could manage, "Thank you so much," he said in James's ear as he felt huge wave of gratitude pass through him.

Wilson could tell how much it meant to Greg and it hurt to know that even thought he hadn't been acting scared he was, probably ever minute of every day. "No one will ever hurt you again, I promise," he said softly in Greg's ear as his eyes watered up some.

"I love you so much," House said and kissed James with emotion then pulled away with a grunt.

Wilson watched as Greg rolled on his back with his eyes closed. "What's wrong?" he asked with concern.

House took some deep breaths trying to calm his stomach but it wasn't working he quickly opened his eyes and grabbed a plastic container that was on the end table.

Wilson saw the way Greg's arms were shaking as held onto the container and took a hold of it with on hand while rubbing Greg's back with the other one. "Hey, you feel any better?" he asked softly but Greg groaned and started throwing up again. Wilson waited a couple of minutes after the second round, "You done?" he asked to see Greg halfway nod. "I'll be right back," he said. It was about three minutes before Wilson return and what he saw was Greg trying to get on the bed pan. Normally it wouldn't have been much of a task, but Greg was panting as he tried to move his tired and probably hurting body around. Wilson walked up to the bed wrapping his arms around him and helping him up on the metal pan.

House wanted to fight him but he didn't have the energy, he felt exhausted and ashamed. "Could I.. have some privacy?" he asked refusing to meet James's eyes.

"Yeah, just let me know when you're done, I'll be fixing my cot in DDX room," Wilson said and immediately Greg met his eyes. "It's just to keep up pretenses, I'll sleep in here if you want me too."

Twenty minutes later Greg's bowel movement had been dealt with and they were both laying in the bed quietly as they watched TV. Wilson knew this was hard on him, he was a prideful man. "You should try to get some sleep," he said as rubbed Greg's arm. Greg sighed deeply as James's touches felt good on his sore body. Wilson swallowed, "Greg, how bad is the pain?"

"I've had worse," House said.

"I'm upping your pain meds," Wilson said as he got up and turned the morphine drip up some. "How does a massage sound, laying in a bed all day can make you feel sore?" He asked and Greg nodded as Wilson started his work. He was thankful that the massage not only seemed to comfort Greg, it put him to sleep. He laid back down beside him and put kisses on the side of his mouth as he curled up to his boyfriend and fell a sleep too.


	38. Chapter 38 : Bad Night Sleep

_Alright everyone, I hate to disappoint people, but at least until I get more time in my life, I'm probably not going to be replying to all my reviews. Believe me when I said I hate to give it up, but that would have cost me another 2 hours today and I really don't have the time for that, especially when I'm sure you'd rather have me writing on more chapters in that time than writing you back. I will still be reading them of course, and I hope you all know how much they mean to me. With that said, I'm going to shut up and let you enjoy the new chapter! Nicole_

Wilson woke up in the middle of the night to find Greg shaking and sweating as he mumbled incoherently. He rubbed Greg's arm hoping to sooth him but instead Greg's eyes popped open at the touch as he jerked back. "It's just me, Greg. It was just a dream, but you're okay."

Greg swallowed back the bile he felt in his throat as he shivered from the chill of the air conditioner hitting his sweaty skin. "Yeah, now I feel so much better," he said flatly looking at the ceiling of his office.

Wilson chewed his lip, "I'll get you another blanket, that will help," he said as started to get out of the bed.

Greg grabbed his hand, "Don't, you're already burning up. Just... you know," he said giving James and knowing look.

"Why, Greg, are you asking me to snuggle with you? I never thought you'd I'd live to see the day," he said with a smile as he pulled Greg close.

"You keep pushing it and I'll be asking for that blanket," Greg said nuzzling his face in James's neck. James felt so nice and warm that he snaked his left arm under him and pulled him tighter to his body as he let out a shaky breath. "Damnit," he said softly, "I know it can't really be that cold in here but I can't stop shaking. It feels like the ice baths, like my bones are frozen." He said hiding his face deeper in James's skin.

Wilson kissed the base of his neck and wrapped his arms around Greg, "It's okay, I'll warm you up."

"I wish you meant that in a whole different way," House whispered in James's ear with a small smile.

Wilson licked his lips as House's warm wet breath hit the shell of his ear. "I'd rather not have our first time share the same anniversary as you're first chemo treatment, call me old fashioned, but I'd rather wait until we're in our own bed with out all the equipment." He said as he moved the tubing for Greg's IV out of the way some.

House sighed, he'd known it would be this way now that he was the patient. "And when will that be, a couple of long months away?"

Wilson smiled, "How does a few days sound?"

House pulled back some, "You giving up already?" he asked with serious concern.

"No, but on day five and six of this cycle you'll be free of equipment and as long as you stay healthy I was going to take you home to rest up." Wilson said and gave Greg a soft kiss.

House rotated his jaw some after the kiss then shivered and resumed his position with his face buried in James's neck while hold the warm body close to him. He wasn't sure if he should be happy about that decision or not, it had it's perks and disadvantages, but he was more unsettled by the idea the decision had been made without him. It scared him at how much control James had over him, his health, his mood, his food, sex, and even where and when he went. Deep down he knew that James wasn't his father, but at the same time... what if he turned like him. House shivered, this time it wasn't from the cold but the shear thought of such a creation.

Wilson chewed his lip some with irritation, "I thought you'd be happy, but what do I know. I was also the guy that thought you'd want to tell people about us, but once again I completely misjudged you on that too."

House's body tensed up at the tone of James's voice. "You asked what I thought and I told you. What did you want me to do, lie to you?"

Wilson scoffed, "No, you only do that about your sexuallity and your past and your feelings and anything else of any damn importance," he said letting go of Greg and rolling away on his back. "You much too honorable and noble to lie about something like this," he added bitterly.

House pulled the covers tighter around himself as his only warmth left him. He looked at James with longing eyes and then rolled on his back too. He felt so cold and alone in this moment, more alone than he ever remembered, which seemed irrational. How was it that you could feel more alone with someone that you loved more than life it's self laying beside you than you did when you were in fact truly alone. He closed his eyes tired and desperate not to feel like this anymore. "Okay... I'll do it. I'll tell everyone we're dating and go home for the two days."

"The fuck you will!" Wilson said glaring at Greg and back at the ceiling. "I don't want you do what I think we should do when you don't want too. No, we'll do everything your way Greg, as always." He said feeling only more agitated.

House felt guilty from the jab, he wasn't trying to make it all about him. He just didn't agree with somethings. "Please, can we talk about this later, I'm tired," asked trying to put an end to this fight tonight.

"Yeah, whatever, if you're tired we should just let it go, it's not like I expected you to really care about how I felt." Wilson said as he felt himself getting angrier.

"I've got cancer, you moron! This isn't about me being some selfish prick, it's about the after effects of chemo," House spat at him.

Wilson gritted his teeth, "Really? Please tell me more, since I have no fucking clues as to what you're talking about because I'm an idiot who knows NOTHING about CANCER!"

House scoffed under his breath, "You don't know shit about having it," he whispered looking the opposite way of James.

Wilson had enough of snide remarks and rolled on top off Greg and pinned his arms to the bed with his hands, "What the fuck was that? Huh? Speak up you ungrateful sack of shit!"

House felt like his heart stopped as he looked up at James barely recognizing him as he shook. He's breathing became shallow as his eyes trailed downward to see James's legs between his and feel James's hard on pressed firmly against his body. He struggled some but his effort didn't even budge the man on top of him so he tried as hard as he could only to make James sway some and that scared the crap out of him. He'd known the chemo would make him feel weak but he'd still not come to grips with how weak it would make him. House's bottom lip quivered, "Just get it over with," he said softly and swallowed.

Wilson felt guilty as he could see that he'd scared Greg, but at the same time it pissed him off that Greg could think of him in the same category as he did the men that had raped him. "Fuck you! Look at me, Greg!"

"No," House mumbled closing his eyes tightly.

"And why the hell not!" Wilson yelled.

"Be.. because I don't... wanna... remember you... like this," House said brokenly as he shook harder.

For some reason those staggered words hit Wilson like a ton of bricks as he loosened his grip on the terrified man beneath him, and just as suddenly his hearing seemed to come back to him as he realized Greg's monitor was screeching as he looked up to see the man's heart rate was way above a normal rhythm and got off of him. He swallowed as Greg pulled as far away from him as he could and still be on the bed laying on his side in the fetal position. The mear sight of it bringing tears to his eyes. "Baby, I'm.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean too... I just got upset, but I would never... you should know I wouldn't hurt you."

Greg was gritting his teeth as he hugged his knees looking lost as he stared at the wall. _"I hate you," Greg mumbled as he walked away from his father making sure not let a tear fall from his watery eyes, while the bleeding welps on his skin stung. _

"_What the fuck did you say?" John said walking after him in the back yard, but the boy kept his mouth shut and that pissed John off more than anything. His son would never become a man if he couldn't even say something to another mans face. He ran up and pushed the boy down. "You will answer me, boy, when I speak to you. Now what did you say?!"_

_Greg looked up at his father towering over him. "I... I said I hate you," he answered laying on his back in the grass in only his underwear._

"_Why you," John kicked him hard in the side, "ungrateful," (kick to stomach) "little," (kick to chest) "sack," (kick to back) "of" (kick to head) "shit!" He roared and pressed his boot hard against the boys chest and stomach. "After all that I do for you and YOU say something like that to ME! If anyone has a right to HATE anyone it's ME! What do you do Greg?! NOTHING, because that's exactly what you are, you're NOTHING!" John yelled as he saw the boys watery eyes he looked disgusted. "And dry up those eyes, you pathetic piece of crap, or I'll do us all a favor and end your short existence." Greg fought the urge to cry and moved his hand to wipe the tears from his eyes when John was suddenly on top of him holding his arms down. "Did I say to wipe them away! NO! I said to dry them up!" He yelled as he rotated his hips against his weak son._

_Greg struggled against his fathers weight and strength to get his arms free, but he couldn't. He was too small at the age of six to do anything._

"_Oh, is little Greg trying to fight me off," John said with a sneer as he hardened more, his clothed hard cock now tingling as John slowly ground it against the small soft boy beneath him. "That's it, boy, try harder. Come on now, don't make me even more disappointed in you." John whispered and laughed as the boy kept trying and it only added more excitement to his dick._

_Greg tried as hard as he could to get his hands loose but the harder he tried the more his father laughed at him and the closer he came to tears._

_John pull the boys arms above his head so he could hold them with one hand. "God, you're pathetic!" He said with disgust and spit on the boys face. "Act like the bitch you are and scream, see if someone will come to rescue you," John said soothingly with a sneer._

"_No, I'm not a girl," Greg said still not letting a tear drop._

"_I SAID SCREAM!" John yelled as he rubbed himself against the boy, but the boy just shook his head. "Maybe I should give you some incentive," he said and wrapped his other hand around the boys small neck, "Now scream like the pussy you are." He said tightening his grip around the boys throat and getting closer to a climax. The boy refused to make a peep and John licked his lips as he pressed himself hard against the boy and then his eyes caught something that made him bite his lip, a tear that finally was hanging in the corner of his son's eye. "That's it... cry for me." John said with a shaky breath as he rammed himself so hard against the boy that the tear fell as he cummed in his pants and grunted at the power of the orgasm. When he was done he let go of the boys neck to hear a desperate gasp leave his son's slightly blue lips and smiled. "Well, I guess the doc didn't get it wrong. I guess there is at least a little bit of a man in you." He said as he stood up and looked down at the confused boy and smirked, "But next time, try not to cry so easy, it makes it hard to tell."_

Wilson was unnerved by Greg's silence as heart monitor was still showing his heart rate to be too high. He slowly got off of the bed hoping it would calm Greg down but it only increased and screeched again. "Greg, calm down, okay. Please just.. I'm sorry," he said and the screeching stopped but the rate was still high. "Sweety," he said walking around slowly to see Gregs watery eyes staring off in the distance. "Greg," he gasped as he felt his own tears run down his face, "oh, Greg, I'm so sorry." He said slowly walking up to him even though Greg's eyes were still staring off. He swallowed as barely brushed Greg's face with his hand and felt him jerk back but then stop himself.

House closed his eyes at the touch, repulsed by his father's true desires. "I... I'll b..be a good b.. boy... I'll d.. do whatever y.. you want."

Wilson pulled his hand away as more tears fell. "I don't want you do to anything, Greg. It's okay, I promise, I won't ever do anything like that again. Please.. Greg, please look at me."

House forced his eyes open and was surprised to Jimmy. He let a staggered breath of relieve to see his sweet and caring boyfriend instead of his father. "James," he said almost not believing his eyes.

"Greg, baby, I'm so sorry," Wilson said wiping away tears. "I don't know what's..." but he was stopped by Greg pulling him too him so fast that Greg's head hitting his stomach knocked the breath out of him. He looked down at Greg with confusion and shock as Greg held on too him as if his life depended on it. He licked the salty tears from his lips as he ran his hand through Greg's thinning hair. "Greg... are you okay?" He asked full of worry.

House shook his head in James's warm stomach, "But now that you're here I will be," he said held James to him as hard as he could manage.

"Now that I'm here?" Wilson said with confusion more to himself than to Greg and felt Greg nod in his stomach. "Where you..." he started to ask realizing what had happened, "did you have a flashback?"

"A bad one. Can you.. can you just get in bed and hold me?" House asked looking up at James with pleading eyes.

Wilson was still surprised by the question as he had been the cause for the flashback. "Um.. sure, but do you think that's a good idea?"

"Listen, if you don't want to... if I did or said something during the flashback that made you... uncomfortable, then you don't have too," House said looking away from James.

Wilson quickly got in the bed, "You didn't do anything wrong. I did, don't you remember?" he asked worried about Greg's memory.

"I should have just agreed with you from the beginning. I'm lucky you're hear at all, and I'm being stupid enough to risk that over something that doesn't even really matter." House said snuggling up to James as his whole body felt exhausted

"You're thoughts and feelings matter, they're very important, and I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I've just been under a lot of stress and was taking it out on you, and you didn't deserve that. You're going though even more than I am." Wilson said wrapping his arms around Greg's back and holding him as his chin rested on the top of Greg's head.

House yawn in James's chest, "It's okay, I love you." he mumbled.

Wilson rubbed his back , "It's not okay, and I'm going to do better, I promise." He said but didn't hear a response and looked down to see Greg was fast asleep. "I love you too and I'm so sorry I put you through all this tonight Greg, I really am." He said running his fingers through Greg's hair and closed he eyes, hoping sleep would find him.

House whimpered in his sleep until a warm firm hand grabbed his shoulder and his eyes popped open as he took in gasps of air. Standing to the side of the bed was James in his pajamas and it still looked to be dark outside.

Wilson tried to keep the sympathy off his face, "Hey, it looked like you were having another... dream."

"More like a (cough) nightmare," House said in a scratchy voice and took the water that James was holding out for him. The water felt good except it felt cold, just like the room and the air and everything else did, but he tried to focus on how it felt going down his throat.

Wilson put his hand against Greg forehead to see the man glare at him some. "You still feel cold," he said with concern.

House took a couple more chugs off the water bottle and smirked at him, it was going to take more than chemo to tear him down. "Well considering that people have been telling me for years now that I'm a cold heartless ass, it's kind of fitting, don't you think?" He said trying to sound casual as he pulled the covers up. "So what time is it?"

Wilson's lip twitched, "Four-thirty, you need to try and get more sleep. You've only gotten three hours of sleep so far."

"And what about you? What's got you up and about at this hour?" House asked at he looked at James.

"I had to pee," Wilson said with half a smile as he got back in bed.

House grinned, "Well good thing I have that covered."

"If only I was so lucky," Wilson said jokingly.

House laughed a little, "Yeah well, having cancer has to have some perks, right?"

Wilson raised an eyebrow, "And what would those be?"

House pulled at James to cuddle with him, "Never having to run to the restroom, cute doctors, sleeping in my office and not getting any shit about it, no clinic duty, having Cuddy asking what she can do for me, my team waiting on me hand and foot. Also I think one of the doctors has the hots for me, he's pretty hot in that Jewish choir boy way."

Wilson smiled, "Really? And what gave you that idea."

"Probably the way he moans when I get him off," House said with a smirk.

Wilson chuckled, "That sounds like a pretty good way to tell. Now, why don't you try sleeping some."

House sighed pulling away from James some, "I just don't feel like sleeping."

Wilson knew there was more to it than that, House looked exhausted and not just in his face but his whole body looked beat. "Is it the dreams?" he asked gently.

"They're anything but dreams," House said softly looking at the ceiling. "I'm... afraid they're going to run you away, like they did Stacy. There are so many triggers right now that... remind me of some of the really bad times in my life. Hospitals, in general do that, their smell and the way the beds feel along with the look of them, which is one of the reasons I hate staying the night in one. Then there's the pain and soreness and feeling... not as strong as I usually do." He said licking his lips and swallowing.

"And a crappy boyfriend who's over emotional and yells at you for no real reason," Wilson said putting a hand on Greg's chest. "The dreams aren't going to push me away, Greg, but maybe I can get you something to help you sleep better."

"Would it hurt your feeling if I got Cuddy to instead," he asked looking over at James. "It's just, I don't want you or anyone else thinking I'm using you as my personal medicine chest."

Wilson's eyebrows shot up, "Since when did you start caring what I or anyone else thought."

House leaned back toward James and kissed him ever so tenderly, "Since that happened and now I have more to lose than I have had in a long time."

"God," Wilson said licking his lips after the teasing kiss, "you have no idea how good you are at that."

House grinned, "Well I do the best I can with what I have, like you do with your small cock."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "My penis is average size, Greg, and I'm pretty sure you know that."

"Maybe for average men, but it's small compared to mine," House said with a smirk as he stomach growled.

"A foot long corny dog is small compared to yours, and I'm going to get you another shake, you must be starving," Wilson said getting out of the bed at the sound of the rumble.

House rolled his eyes, in truth he did feel like he was starving, the chemo really made him hungry, but he'd been trying to work towards a completely different kind of snack. "I was hoping for something with a bit more meat to it," he said hooking his finger in James's waist band and pulling it towards him. "Come on, Jimmy, let me suck on something worth sucking on," House said licking his lips as he looked up at James.

Wilson looked at Greg with blushed cheeks, "Maybe tomorrow night, after my shower, but not now. Now you need to be resting."

House took a deep breath, "You never seemed to have a problem with me giving you blow jobs before, I wonder what could have changed?" He said cynically as he played with the tubing that had the chemo in it.

Wilson sighed, "If you can tell me that none of your nightmares tonight have consisted of you being forced to give someone a blow job then I'll be fine with it." He said with a frown as Greg stayed too quiet for his usual self. "Yeah, that's why I don't want to right now, that and the fact that you're immune system is compromised and that means no sex for us unless it's directly after a shower." Wilson said opening the liquid and pouring it down Greg's tube.

House watched him, knowing he had a point, but at the same time, knowing he didn't. "You know I have nightmares about being fucked by men too, does that mean you're never going to fuck me, or I'll never be able to give you a blow job again? How about sex at my place? Tritter's done me there over a dozen times, does that mean sex is off there too?"

Wilson closed his eyes as he really didn't want to think of Tritter using and hurting Greg. "It depends, where all have you done it?"

"Everywhere, except the piano," House said honestly.

Wilson blinked at him with surprise, "You mean... even in your bed?"

"Is my bed a piano? I said everywhere but the piano," House clarified.

"And you didn't feel the need to tell me that before now?" Wilson said with horrified eyes.

House narrowed his eyes on James, "So let me get this straight, you're okay having sex with a raped man in the same building as he was raped in as long as it's not in the same room?" He said with irritation.

"I don't want to have sex with a raped man at all!" Wilson said with disgust.

House scoffed, "Well at least now your being truthful," he said looking at James as he tried to keep the hurt off his face.

Wilson sighed heavily, "I didn't mean you. I meant in general, no one want's to have sex with someone that's been abused like that, because it's scary. Greg, you're a lot of things to me, but I don't see you as the guy I know that got raped, I see you as the man I love."

"Then quit treating me like a victim," Greg said raising his voice some.

Wilson licked his lips, he was really trying not to treat Greg differently, but that was harder said then done, especially after a full night of hearing him plagued by nightmares. "I'm just trying to be careful with you, I don't want to hurt you like I did earlier. I don't want to remind you of them and I think if things were reversed you'd be the same way."

"You're wrong, we'd never have gotten this far if things were reversed," House said confidently.

"You don't know that, Greg, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for," Wilson said softly.

"Yes I do, because if things were reversed I would have done whatever it took to kill Tritter, and once you realized what I'd done... then you'd never be able to look at me the same again." House said coldly.

Wilson looked for hint of a joking glint in his eye, but there was none. "Is that what you want me to do?" He asked searching Greg's eyes.

"No, because you wouldn't be my Jimmy if you did," House said putting a hand on James ass and pulling him towards the bed.

Wilson came closer and bit his lips when Greg pull his pajama bottoms down some and kissed his sensitive skin. "If by some mirical you didn't kill Tritter and we were reversed in this situation, what would you do?"

"I'd fuck you," House said looking in James eyes. "I'd expect it to be messy and awkward, but I'd still do it."

"Even if it could make things worse?" Wilson said skeptically.

"What's worse then never knowing what's it's like to be loved?!" House asked loudly as he looked up at James. "I would wait until you were ready, but when you were I wouldn't hesitate to fuck you. I'd keep fucking you until we got it perfect, I'd fuck you until you trusted me. Then I'd give you something I never had, my virginity." He said softly looking away.

Wilson licked his lips at Greg's description. "Are you really ready?"

House swallowed, "I'm as ready as I ever am going to be, time isn't going to change my past. Nothing ever will, and I can't promise you I won't freak out or have a flash back and I'm never going to be able to. I'm just waiting for when you think you'll be able to handle that and not take it personally."

Wilson didn't know what to say. He wanted to be strong enough to handle whatever happened, but he didn't know if he was. Every time Greg associated him with the men who'd raped him it did feel personal, even if he knew deep down it wasn't and not only did it hurt him but it also angered him and he knew he couldn't allow himself to get mad at Greg in that situation. "I'm working on it, but it's not easy."

House nodded as he looked at his blanket. "I wish this could be more normal or simple."

"It's not your fault," Wilson said tenderly but Greg didn't respond. Wilson looked at the chemo bag, "I'm going to get you some more medicine, you're starting to run on empty."

"Okay," Greg said still not looking up at James.

Wilson woke up to silence. He could tell the sun was coming out from the glow behind the blinds and glanced at Greg to see the man staring at the ceiling looking depressed and tired. "Did you sleep any?"

House masked his face, "Yeah, now I'm ready for you to penetrate me with your big needle," he said wagging his eyes brows at James.

Wilson was concerned, but lately he always was when it came to … House, this was House. "I've never heard someone sound so excited about a lumbar puncture before," he said getting out of the bed.

House smirked, "You penetrating me while I lay flat on my back, what's not to like?"

Wilson was watching House as he took off his pajama bottoms and put on a pair of slacks when he heard the door open and looked up at Cuddy while zipping his pants. "I'd appreciate a knock before people just come on in," he said as he turned around to change in his work shirt.

"Now, Cuddy, if you ever plan to sneak in here and film us having hot man on man sex you're going to have to work on being more subtle. I would offer to teach you some techniques but then it might make it harder for me to disappear on you and that just wont do." House said watching as she rolled her eyes.

"I was trying to be nice by bringing you fresh hot Krispy Kreme donuts, but if you just going be an ass I'll take my donuts somewhere else." Cuddy said with a smirk.

As the aroma filled the air House's stomach rumbled loudly, "You're an angel now bring those over here." House said watching the box.

Cuddy smiled as she put the box on his bed.

"Thanks, Cuddy, but seriously please knock ne..." Wilson stopped speaking as he looked at the donuts to see three of the dozen missing and then Greg's hand snatch up another one that he stuffed in his mouth. "Jesus, Greg, take a moment to breath," he said watching him with surprise.

House swallowed the sweat bread as his stomach still felt empty and yet queasy at the same time. He felt so sick and yet so hungry. He licked his thumb and grabbed another, looking at it with both want and disgust as he crammed half of it in his mouth.

Cuddy looked at House with sympathetic eyes and then up at Wilson with narrowed ones, "Have you been starving him?" she asked putting the coffee's down on Greg's bedside table.

"No, I've been giving him his high calorie shakes! I swear," Wilson said looking back down to see only five donuts left. He went to grab one when he felt his hand slapped away as House looked at him with warning eyes. "If you're not even going to let me have one, you can at least tell her that I'm not starving you!"

"He's not starving me, just like he isn't taking advantage of me sexually or beating me when that door's locked," House said while eating a donut and looking at her. He noticed her eyeing a donut. "You can have one, just one, and that's only because you brought them."

She frowned, partly because of what he'd said about Wilson and partly because she was only getting one donut. "How generious of you," she said dryly, when she noticed a bruise on his arm. "Hey, what happened there?" She asked pointing out the bruise.

House glanced at it, remembering it was where James had grabbed him to pin his arms down and shrugged, "Is one of those coffees for me?"

Cuddy didn't like that he'd avoided the question but handed over his coffee and looked to Wilson who was staring at the bruise with guilty eyes and then looking at the other arm that had an identical bruise on it too. She coughed to see Wilson look at her, "Wilson, can I talk to you for a minute in the DDX room?" she said in a sweet voice even though her eyes had a fire in them.

Wilson swallowed hard, "Sure," he said softly.

House stopped eating as he already knew she'd figured it out. "He doesn't have to explain himself or what happens when you're not here to you. It's none of your business." He said firmly.

She looked at House with serious eyes, "When a doctor on my staff leaves bruises on a patient, it becomes my business."

"Well when this," House said holding his arms out for her to see, " happened, I can promise you he wasn't acting as my doctor, and I've never known you to question a patient's boyfriend about what goes on in their bed."

Cuddy was a little surprised that House called Wilson his boyfriend, even if that's what they were it was strange to hear it from his lips. "You're right, as Dean of Medicine I wouldn't, but as of lately we're all wearing more than one hat. Which is why, as you friend, I'm concerned when I see bruises on you left from anyone... especially from a man that beat you only a couple of weeks ago."

"Then I think it's time we talked about some boundries in our friendship," House said and grimace as he felt more sick at his stomach. "James, could you give up a moment."

Wilson looked back and forth between the two, "Um, sure, I just need to check your numbers first. He said quickly drawing some blood and changing out the full catheter bag for a new one then writing down his vitals. "Try not to get him to worked up, he's getting spinal treatments today," Wilson whispered as he passed Cuddy on his way out.

"Let's get something straight, you're my friend, not my mother. It's not your place to question him or me about what we do. If I need your help or advice about something I will ask for it, otherwise keep out of it." House said with a stiff jaw.

"That sounds very rational and logical, except for one thing. We're talking about you, and you'd rather die then ask someone for help," Cuddy said as she walked closer to him. "I mean, if I hadn't been helping you into bed and you hadn't grunted in pain when I held your side would you have ever told anyone that you thought you had cancer? Or what about the deal you had with Tritter, how long would that have continued if Wilson hadn't found out? How long could you have continued?"

House took a sip of his coffee, "Well since this is such an aggressive cancer I'd say no more than a couple of months before I would have been in the ground." He said and scoffed, "But now, lucky me, I get to stay in a hospital for the next several months in pain and unable to move while still having an over sixty percent chance of dying any." He said bitterly with a smile, "By the way if you haven't got the thank you card for 'saving' me, then I'm sure that sentimental hallmark card must have gotten lost in the mail."

She studied him, "You don't fool me, you aren't one for self pity and considering all you've been willing to go through to keep Wilson I doubt that you'd have given that up for anything." She said as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, it's perfect. We get to share everything now; my nightmares, scars, bowel movements, vomit, chemo, radiation treatments it's all so romantic. Like how he pours my high calorie shakes in my feeding tube or showers me because I'm to weak to do it myself. He's sooooo lucky to have me in his life." He said grimly.

Cuddy's eyes softened, so that was the real reason he was depressed, not for what he was going through but dragging Wilson through it. "He deals with cancer for a living, I'm sure he's fine."

"Not like this he doesn't," House said looking up at her with serious features, "and it doesn't help when you are so eager to jump on him about every mistake me makes along the way. He's use to diagnosing, medicating and then leaving, not watching the entire process. So last night we got into a disagreement and he lashed out for all of a minute because we're both on edge, that doesn't make him a bad person, it just makes him human. Honestly I'd rather have him lashing out at me when he get's too worked up than keeping that inside to let it fester like an infection."

She chewed the inside of her cheek, "Greg, you don't need to be worrying about him, you need to be worrying about yourself."

He scoffed, "Why? Is worrying about myself going to make me better, because if it does that must be a new study that I haven't read yet."

"I don't mean you should lay here thinking about the cancer every minute of the day, but you need to take care of yourself and not hesitate to ask for something you need." Cuddy stated firmly.

"I've got everything I need already, that's what all these machines and tubing are for," House replied.

She smirk, "And how long were you hungry before I came in with the donuts?" She asked seeing House roll his eyes. "Chemo takes a lot of energy for your body to go through, which you know, and it's important to take in as many calories as you can handle, which you also know. I know it's not in your nature to ask for help, so don't look at it as asking for help."

"And what the hell am I suppose to look at it as?" He asked with slight irritation.

"Look at it as a dictatorship if it helps. You feel like you aren't in control, but in reality you have complete control over your team, even your treatment if you don't think Wilson is handling it right. You can always say no to something and if he gives you any problems all you have to do is give his boss a call and I'm sure he'll straighten up." Cuddy said with a smirk.

House thought about what she'd said, it made some sense. "Well, I wouldn't want you to straighten him out all the way, I kind of like him a little bent." He said jokingly, "So what happens when my team starts complaining to you about what an ass I am?"

"Greg, I never expected you to be an easy patient, and I already told them to suck it up in the beginning. As long as you don't have them doing anything anymore illegal than you already do, then we're fine." She said putting a soft hand on his leg.

"I need something to help me sleep," He said watching her.

She thought about asking him why he wanted her to get them for him instead of Wilson, but was concerned that if she questioned it that he'd tell her to forget about it. "Okay, I'll get you a prescription. Now try to get some rest." She said giving his hand squeeze then leaving.


	39. Chapter 39: Yung Secrets

"Henry, It's Dr. Wilson. I was calling to see if we could schedule some sessions, one for me and another for Greg. Please give me a call back so we can figure something out. Thanks," Wilson said as he ended the call with deep sigh. He had so much stuff he needed to do and had hoped that scheduling the appointments were something he'd be able to cross off the list, but evidently not. He looked back at the clock to see it was fifteen minutes past eight, which meant it was time to do the Intrathecal Methotrexate via lumbar puncture, as he got up he hoped Cuddy wouldn't still be there.

Wilson walked into the DDX room to see Chase and Cameron. "So, has our patient been good this morning?" He asked with a half-smile.

Cameron stared at the large needle for the lumbar puncture while Chase sighed, "He's hurled once already, which he of course he said he's 'fine' but who really knows."

"Also, I think there was a bruise on his arm but I'm not sure because he wouldn't let me look at it." Cameron added finally meeting Wilson's eyes and swallowing hard, "So... chemo in the spine, already?"

Wilson looked down at the needle with dread too, and shrugged, "Yeah, wish there was another way to do this but it really is his best shot." He said looking back up at them, "But he's strong, he'll make it through all of this, I know it."

Cameron fell like she was about to start crying again, like she'd done half the night already. She wanted so badly to believe that House would be fine, just as Wilson did but in truth the odds were stacked against him. He was very malnourished even before starting treatments and it was easy to see that after only one day he was exhausted. "I hope so," she said and walked over to sit down at the DDX table.

Wilson was torn between being sympathetic and irritated at her. "I need to know if she can handle this?" he asked Chase in a whispered voice.

Chase glanced at Cameron and back at him, "Look, this is hard on all of us, but she'll be fine. She just needs some time."

Wilson nodded, "Okay, until she's fine, I don't want her around Greg. He needs positive support right now, not a teary eyed Cameron looking at him like he's already dead."

Chase was irritated but knew he had a point, "Fine, I'll handle the personal care. Was there anything else Dr. Wilson?"

"Look I'm not the bad guy here. My main concern is Greg and his health; nothing goes above that right now. Not her feelings or mine." Wilson said soft but firmly as he looked into Chase's questioning eyes. "Do really think I enjoy being the one pumping him full of drugs that make him feel weak and sick, drugs that will take away his ability to think properly and put him through excruciating pain?" He asked looking in Chase's understanding eyes.

"Of course not," Chase said back thinking about Wilson's position, "I'll talk to her."

"Thanks," Wilson said and walked in Greg's office/room.

"Hey," House said casually as if nothing important was going on.

Wilson's lip twitched, "I told you not to inhale those donuts," he said trying to pretend that all of this was normal too.

House had the bed lying flat and moved to his side hugging his knees. "I think it was Cameron's overly emotional state that got to me. You'd think she'd never known someone with cancer before."

Wilson walked up behind him to clean and sanitized the spot where he was going to go for, while looking at the bones protruding against the skin. "Or she knows all to well about it, her husband did die of cancer, remember. This is going to hurt some, are you ready?"

House smirked some, "Oh, give it up James; we both know you're not that big."

Wilson shook his head, he wished House would take this seriously but didn't say anything because he knew it was just his way of handling the situation. "Here we go," he said as he pushed the needle into his lovers' spine and glanced at his face to see his eyes widen as he tried to mask the pain. "You alright," he asked as he took some of the spinal fluid.

"Great," House said, even though he was uncomfortable he knew it wouldn't last that long.

"Okay, now it's time for the medicine," Wilson said gently as he started pushing the chemo into his spine. When he was done he cleaned the spot and taped some gauze over it. "Time to get on you back," he said guiding him.

"I bet you say that to all the hot cancer guys," House said looking at James.

Wilson's bottom lip trembled slightly before he bent down and kissed Greg. "I'm sorry, I hate hurting you," he whispered in between kisses.

House softly pushed James's jaw back, "You're saving my life, so you don't have anything to apologize for and, believe me when I say this isn't a complaint, but I thought you didn't want us doing...This during doctoring time."

Wilson scoffed, "Fuck the rules. I shouldn't even be treating you but I am, so I really don't think it matters if I steal a kiss from time to time."

"Wilson gone wild, now that's hot," House said with a smirk.

"Hey, I thought I was always hot," Wilson said with a fake pout.

"Not always," House said with a playful glint in his eyes.

Chase opened the door to see House and Wilson smiling at each other, Wilson's hand quickly pulled away from House's chest as they both looked at him. House with a look of defiance and Wilson looked surprised and guilty.

"Chase, um... did you need something?" Wilson asked nervously meanwhile House was smiling like a cat that just ate the canary.

Chase blinked as he looked at both of them still trying to get his mind around what it was exactly that he'd seen. "It's time for another high calorie shake but I can wait if you two need more time," he said still looking puzzled.

Wilson shook his head as his mouth hung open for a couple of seconds before words started coming out of his mouth. "Ohh... um... no, we don't need more time," he said shaking his head more. "I'm done with the treatment," he said then looked to Greg, "Right? I did the treatment?" He asked since his mind had gone blank.

House tried to make his face look normal and serious, but there was still an upward curl to his lips and brightness to his eyes, "Yes, you did the treatment. You should get going before you forget where your office is, old man."

"Hey, I'm younger than you!" Wilson said walking towards the door.

"And I'm thinner," House said with a smirk.

Wilson looked down at his tummy and then narrowed his eyes playfully at Greg, "I've got more hair," he responded with a smirk of his own.

"Well that's not really fair when you're feeding me chemo just to make me lose mine," House said mimicking a hurt face.

Wilson's smile vanished and was replaced by sorrow, "Greg, I didn't mean..."

"Don't, James, it was just a joke. I'm fine," House said and gave him a small smile. "I'll see you later, Doc."

Wilson nodded and gave a small smile back before leaving.

Chase gave House an odd look before opening the high calorie liquid meal. "So, you two have finally taken the plunge of using first names after eight years of friendship. Does that mean I can call you Greg in three more years?" He said looking to House.

"June will make ten years actually and you can call me whatever you want when you start putting out," House said with a slight smile.

Chase rolled his eyes at the joke and scoffed, "Wilson isn't putting out and you let him call you by your first name."

"How do you know he isn't putting out?" House asked with that same knowing smile and a serious tone.

Chase rolled his eyes, "Because he's straight," he said finding the fake discussion over if Wilson and House were doing it amusing.

"Wait, you have an easier time thinking Wilson's straight than you do that I am?" House asked finding the idea funny.

Chase thought about that a minute, "Considering you're the one trying to convince me that you're having sex with your male best friend, and you're so curious I'm surprised you still have any life's left... yeah." He said seriously.

House smiled as he couldn't disagree with the valid reasoning. "Fine, you got me, but I'm not lying about James."

Chase was about to tell him he wasn't going to fall for it, but there was something in House's eyes that stopped him. "Even if Wilson was willing to try turning down the winding road instead of the straight and narrow that he's always driven, he would be with you. You're his patient." Chase said firmly.

House nodded, "That I am, and of course I've only been his patient for the last three days."

Chase shook his head, "I'm not going to bite. This is some joke and as soon as I say I believe you, you'll never let me live it down." He said throwing away the container.

"So you think someone wanting to be with me is a joke?" House asked coldly as he tried to ignore the fact that it hurt him.

Chase looked up with a smirk until he saw House's face and could tell he was serious and swallowed. "No, I don't think it's impossible for someone to care about you, it's just... this is a joke, right?" He asked as he started wondering if maybe it wasn't.

House licked his lips and looked down, "Well technically we haven't fucked yet."

Chase squinted at House trying to see if he could tell if the man was lying or not. "Okay, if Wilson and you were together then why the hell would you tell me?"

"So he doesn't feel like he has to pull away from me when you come in the room," House said looking Chase in the eye, "and so I can tell him I love him before he leaves the room."

Chase swallowed and shook his head as he could tell this wasn't a joke. "I'm supposed to report this, you know that."

"As your patient I'm telling you that I don't want you to tell anyone about this, since it is part of my private life," House said watching Chase carefully. "I have just as much of a right to tell you not to go to the hospital board about this as an abused wife does to refuse to allow you to tell the police it was her husband that hurt her."

"And the woman that doesn't tell the police about her abusive husband is an idiot!" Chase said looking at him with concerned wide eyes. "House this is stupid, even for you."

House looked away, "I know I shouldn't let him risk so much but..."

"You're worried about HIS risks?!" Chase said to see House look back at him. "He could kill you, all he has to do is get distracted or too emotional to make the right call and you... you could die." He said urgently, "What about that don't you get?"

"He won't," House said looking out the window.

"You don't know that," Chase said softly.

House scoffed, "So what if he did. Any doctor could do the same thing, being doctors doesn't make us perfect," he said looking back at Chase.

Chase looked at him with a deepened frown, "You really don't care if you die do you?"

"Look, it's not like I'm playing chicken on busy interstate, but... statistically I'm more likely to die before all of this is over with anyway. So if you're asking me if I'm okay with raising the odds against me by five percent more and being with him, or keeping them where they are and not being with him, then I'll pick to be with him." House said without ever wavering.

"You love him," Chase said with shock as he stared at House who swallowed hard, and as the seconds ticked by and House didn't deny the accusation, the more he realized it had been true for a long time. "Was there ever a time you didn't love him?"

House shook his head slightly, "No, I don't think so."

"Well, that explains the reason his wives and you never got along," Chase said with a smile. "I think you're still an idiot, but... I'm happy for you House." He said and started to leave when something popped in his head and looked back a House, "Do the others know?"

"Not yet, I wanted to see how you reacted first," House said.

"Why me first?" Chase asked a little surprised.

"You've worked with me the longest and you haven't asked me out on a date," House replied.

"Neither has Foreman," Chase said watching House with searching eyes.

"I'm not sure how Foreman will respond, but I was fairly sure you'd be accepting," House said flatly, "and if you're accepting it'll push the other two to be accepting."

"Or maybe you trust me more, but of course you wouldn't admit that even if it was true," Chase said with a smile and left.

1111111111111111

Wilson sighed as he got off the phone with his last transferred patient. It was a relief to know that he didn't have any more patients that didn't know who they were going to be treated by. Some had taken it hard but most of them understood. He'd explained his need to lessen his case load due to a family emergency since he really didn't want to elaborate on it, but of course some of them pushed and he told them it was his brother. He wasn't sure if they'd think of him differently if he told them it was his male lover/best friend, and to be honest, he wasn't sure if he saw himself differently. Was he now gay or was it some odd twist of fate that his soul-mate just happened to be a man? Was Greg his soul-mate or just someone he loved at the moment? He chewed the inside of his cheek as he grabbed out some ibuprofen for the headache he was getting just pondering those questions when a knock came on his door. "Come in," he said quickly throwing the pills in his mouth and taking a sip of water.

"Hello, James," Henry said with a warm smile.

Wilson stood up as he saw his psychiatrist standing in his doorway. "Henry, it's good to see you, but what made you come down here?" He said walking over to him.

Henry smiled, "Well my secretary let me know you called the office and since I was already in the area I thought I'd stop by to see if you wanted to do the sessions today. See, I'll be out of the state for the next week on vacation with my family."

"Oh, I didn't know you were going on a vacation. I don't want to inconvenience you," Wilson said wondering if House would be up for a session.

"It's no trouble, and to be honest I'm kind of intrigued to meet Dr. House," Henry said peeking around the room. "I guess you don't have him hidden in here."

Wilson shook his head with a smile, "No, he's in his office."

"Oh, I assumed he'd be taking off time since he got diagnosed with cancer, but maybe it isn't quite as bad as I thought it was." Henry said with a hopeful smile.

Wilson grimaced some, "Actually, it's a really bad cancer, but he talked the dean of medicine into converting his office into his hospital room."

"Ah, so he's not working," Henry said understanding better.

"Um... actually he's still working by not as much as he was. The team only comes to him on things when they're really stuck, kind of like a consultant," Wilson said knowing it had to sound strange and irresponsible both for House's patients and for the man himself.

Henry thought about it, "Good for you, you're letting him have some control in his life at a time when he needs it the most."

Wilson hadn't thought of it that way at all, but now that Henry had said it, he realized it was true. "You want to meet him?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Henry beamed.

Wilson by-passed the DDX room and unlocked House's office door. He looked at Greg wondering if Henry would think he looked better or worse than he'd imagine as he held the door open for him.

Henry's smile dropped some as he looked at the boney man in the bed with medicines dripping down from an IV and machines hooked up to him. He was a little surprised the man was actually alive.

"Well, if it isn't Henry Yung," House said as he watched the man and adjusted the bed so he was sitting up more.

Henry looked at House with concern from the hoarse voice and exhausted features. "Hello, Dr. House. I had come by to see if you might want to do our first session today, but obviously this isn't a good time."

"Why not?" House asked challengingly.

Henry tilted his head some as he observed House, "You don't look up to it," he said honestly.

"Looks can be deceiving, take James for example, he looks like a choir boy but if you've ever heard the man sing you'd know he's nothing close to it." House said with scrutinizing eyes.

Henry half smiled as he looked at the man. House was indeed an interesting case. "Fine, if you feel up to it I'd be happy to do a session with you Dr. House."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I can handle a conversation with you but I'll let you know if it becomes too much to bare," House said sarcastically.

Wilson walked past Henry to Greg's side, "Greg, this isn't some kind of test where you have to prove something. If you don't feel like doing this today you don't have to." He said softly.

House rolled his eyes, "What else am I going to do today? It's just a conversation James, I can manage it."

Wilson knew he was probably right and nodded, "Okay, I'll be in my office. Do you want me to let the team know not to disturb you?"

"Sure," House said letting his hand slightly graze James'.

Wilson smiled at the touch, "See you in a couple of hours," he said and left.

House watched him until he disappeared behind the closed door and then looked back to Henry. "So, let's 'share'," he said mockingly. "I know everything I'd care to know about you, your educational background, age, grades, even your home address. What I don't know is what you know about me."

"Well you haven't told me anything about yourself yet," Henry responded.

"No, I haven't, but James has, hasn't he and you still didn't answer the question," House said flatly.

Henry shook his head, "What my patients say during a session is private, even when they're speaking about another person, but I assume you know that."

"And if I was asking how he felt about me, or if he's told you were he sees our relationship going I'd understand the conflict, but I'm asking what he's told you about me in terms of facts," House said not backing off his question.

"It doesn't matter, my privacy policy applies to everything a patient tells me, not just outlook and thoughts about what they say, as does any reparable therapist," Henry answers with a warm smile. "I'm sure you can understand that."

House nodded, "Then this session is over, as are any other sessions. See, I don't like wasting my time considering I'm on a limited supply of it. So, when you're ready to be honest with me about what you already know about me, then I'll be ready to share more."

"I get this is hard, the first time talking to therapist isn't easy for anyone, but I'm not going to break policy for you." Henry said feeling disappointed because he really did want to talk to House.

"I can respect that, it's a shame we couldn't work this out. Now if you don't mind I need to get back to busy life of a cancer patient," House said looking back up at the ceiling.

Henry stood up, wondering if House was just using this as way to excuse himself from giving therapy a shot or if the man really had an issue with him not sharing his knowledge about him. "As you wish," Henry said and walked out the office door. He stood there for moment thinking about the situation and then made his way to Wilson's office door, which was open. "That didn't last long," he said looking in at Wilson.

Wilson frowned, "What happened? I know he can be... standoffish but I'll talk to him if he said something offensive."

"No, it wasn't anything like that. He refused to have a session with me unless I told him what you had already informed me about him." Henry said walking in.

Wilson thought about it, "Then tell him, you have my consent."

"Are you sure?" Henry asked not wanting Wilson to feel pushed.

"Yeah," Wilson said confidently, "I'm not going to let that be his reason giving up on therapy before he's even given it a try."

"Thanks," Henry said with a small smile as he walked back to House's door and opened to see House look at him with unreadable eyes. "Wilson gave me consent to tell you the history he gave me about you. So I guess this is our lucky day." Henry said as he walked back in and sat down in the same chair as before.

House swallowed, "So, it isn't polite to keep someone waiting."

"He told me about Detective Tritter, about how he raped and beat you and the deals he made with you." Henry started off.

"In detail, or just that it happened?" House asked with searching eyes.

Henry felt humbled as he realized he'd misjudged Greg. As hard as it had to have been telling Wilson what had been done to him it had to be terrifying to hear a complete stranger knew such private and person things about him. "Just that it happened. He also told me about you kissing him and his... violent reaction."

House frowned some, "I didn't mean to make him feel like that. I wasn't trying to force myself on him."

"I know that, and so does he," Henry said seriously as he could tell House still felt guilty about the incident. "He told me," he sighed looking down some, "about the scars on your..."

House cut him off quickly, "What they said or just that there were scars?" He said watching him as he felt more anxious.

"He told me what it said and about the 'tally'," Henry said as he saw House turn his head away as his jaw tightened. He looked up to see that House's heart rate was climbing too. "Listen, it's not like he was gossiping, he needed advice on how to handle... the situation."

"You mean how to handle his repulsion at how torn up my ass is," House said with disgust as he looked at Henry.

Henry could feel the hurt in House's words, "It's a hard thing to be prepared for," he said gently.

House smiled bitterly, "Tell me about it, none of them even used lube."

"Maybe we should talk about..." Henry started but was cut off by House.

"Right now you're telling me about what you already know," House informed him coldly.

Henry nodded, "He said your father abused you; that he whipped you, beat you with his buddies, made you eat outside, and burned you. That he forced you in the marines where you had to kill people." He licked his lips as he could see shame on House's face as even as the man was looking away. "He said you have issues with trust, self-worth, and voices in your head, and that you've used sex as a bargaining chip. He... he said you've attempted suicide before and cut yourself. He also told me about the infraction, stomach tumors, the cancer, and what that means in as far as your ability to walk. That's all he's told me as far as facts go."

House swallowed hard, "Time for me to fill you in on the rest of my history," he said looking back over to him. "But to make it interesting I'm going to throw two lies in, and next time we talk I want you to tell me what you think the lies were."

Henry was surprised that House was ready to tell him more, since he'd looked so repulsed by what he already knew. "You don't have to tell me anything, but if you're going to then this would be more effective if you didn't try to make it into a game."

"Do you have any idea how boring cancer is? Let me tell you it's mind numbingly boring, so I'll take my games where I can get them." House said watching him, "so, are you ready?"

"Sure," Henry said.

House stared at him with a cold emotionless expression, "I'm going to tell you ten things and after that you can ask me up to three questions about the each of them, then next session you can let me know which things you thought were lies." He said laying out the rules, mainly because he didn't want be interrupted by Henry. "I'm a bastard. My father is a sadist. My father raped me. I had a rat as pet that I killed. I play the piano, guitar, harmonica, and saxophone. My mother watched my father rape me and said nothing. I have an IQ of 156. I've ejaculated while being raped. I've slept with my boss. I don't want to live though this cancer."

Henry was listening and watching for any clues as to which of the things were lies, but House's voice had stayed monotone through everything he said and his face was unmoving. Half of the things were seriously big confessions and half of them were small or meaningless. "Why don't you want to live through your cancer?" Henry said starting with a middle ground.

"I don't want to live my life in a wheelchair or live thought losing James," House said flatly.

Henry wasn't sure what to make of House; he was one of the most unreadable men he'd ever met. "Did you cry when your father first raped you?" He asked coldly in an attempt to throw House off his game.

"I don't think so, but I was so numb from the ice bath before it that I'm not sure," House said frankly.

"What was your rat's name?" Henry asked as he studied the man.

"Steve McQueen," House answered.

"When you say father, do you mean the man who raised you or your biological father?" Henry asked.

House was a little impressed, "The man who raised me."

"You said your mother said nothing, but did she do something?" Henry asked and saw the slightest start of a pout that the man stopped.

"No," House said as he worked to keep control over showing emotions.

Henry acted like he hadn't noticed the slight slip, "What makes you think your father is a sadist?"

"He gets sexually aroused by watching the suffering of others. I believe that's the very definition of a sexual sadist." House said trying hard to keep the condescension out of his voice.

"You say the suffering of others, but what you mean is your suffering, correct?" Henry asked with a raised eye brow.

House watched the man not allowing his mask to slip, "What's your point?"

Henry was pleased that he'd actually stopped the cycle of him asking questions while House gave him short answers. "The point is that we are here today to help you, not your father, or mother, or even your pet rat. I don't care that your father was a sexual sadist; what I care about is how that affected you." He gave House a second to think on that, "Listen, I get that you're bored and I've played your game, I'll even tell you my guesses now if you want, but I'm not here to just play games with you. Now, you've mentioned some huge events happened in your life, but until you REALLY start telling me about how those events affected you then I'm not going to be able to help you."

House rolled his eyes, "Fine, if you guess right I'll do things your way, the BORING way," he challenged.

"You're IQ isn't 156 and you never killed your pet rat," Henry said and knew that he'd gotten something wrong as the corner of Houses mouth curled slightly.

"You don't think I'm that smart?" House asked with a raised eyebrow.

Henry scoffed, "Do you always assume that people are going to underestimate you?" He waited a moment for House to answer but when he didn't Henry realized he'd hit something. "Exactly how high is your IQ?"

"175," House said flatly as he could see Henry was thinking.

"Wow, you must get underestimated all the time. People don't expect other people to be that much smarter than themselves," Henry said watching him.

"It's doesn't make me smart, it just means I have more potential," House clarified.

Henry smiled at the comment, "True, though I've never heard it put that way." He looked at House with searching eyes, "So... being that bright, did you realize what your father was doing to you?"

"I was still a kid. I think being thought of as smart made it worse, because then I felt like I really could live up to his expectations. I knew most of them weren't normal expectations but then again, I wasn't considered to be a normal boy either.. So..." House ended and then smiled bitterly, "And he hated it when teacher or anyone made a big deal over me being 'exceptional', that was the word they'd use. And he loved to see fresh bruises on me from the kids at school. I was always the youngest by several years, so naturally with my wiry physique and always knowing the answers I was picked on."

Henry nodded understandingly, "How about the sexual abuse?"

House's jaw tightened, "You were wrong, I did kill my rat. So, before I answer any more questions you need to figure out what the other lie was."

Henry was frustrated with this game, but it was the first session and if this made Greg feel more in control and better about doing the therapy then it was worth it. "Fine, I don't think you slept with your boss," he said with confidence.

"Wrong again," House said with a half-smile, "Have you not met our boss? She's totally smoking."

"No, unfortunately I haven't. Okay, I'm saying you were lying when you said you didn't want to live through this cancer." Henry said taking a stab.

"Why?" House asked with curiosity.

Henry knew he was right, "Because you haven't had much good in your life and James is good. I know if I'd lived your life I wouldn't want to give up one second of anything good."

House swallowed, "Well, it only took you three tries. I guess I'll answer your question though, a deal is a deal. No, it took me a long time to realize what he was doing to me was supposed to be... sexual. As I said before I didn't have friends as a kid, not only because I wasn't allowed to by my father but also because people don't like me. And when I was going to school sexual reproduction wasn't taught in school. So... it wasn't until I was taking some college courses that I started to get an idea of what he was doing, but even then homosexual acts weren't in the literature. I wasn't sure until I was 15."

"How did you find out?" Henry asked.

"See, what most people don't know, is that I was big into religion when I was a kid. I never lied, cheat, or stole because I figured if I was good that someday I'd be in a better place, a place where he couldn't hurt me. So one time my father and I got into it and I said that he was going to hell and that it didn't matter what happened in this world because I would live in God's kingdom while he burned in hell." House said staring off and sighed, "And then he laughed as he explained to me that God wouldn't have me because I had been sodomized by him. He said... it didn't matter that I acted like I didn't want it because God knew that I really liked it, that I had spilled my seed from it. Then later that night he took me to a warehouse where he let five men beat me and rape me over and over again and when I passed out he had them carve those sweet little words on me so that I'd never forget." House finished coldly.

Henry sat there in silence for a moment as he digested what House had told him, "As a doctor you must know that..."

"That ejaculation doesn't mean it was consensual or desired?" House asked, finishing Henry's thought and nodded. "Of course I know that now, but then... when I'd only done it with him?" He said bitterly, "Hell, I'd never even masturbated, because I associated the pain and sick feeling of being raped with being stimulated. It took me years to be able to jerk off and not throw up and longer before I had consensual sex." House shivered, "I still vomit after being with someone," he said with a frown as he thought about things. "Cuddy says I should tell him since it could affect my health but... he's already so scared to do anything with me because he can't help seeing me as a victim, which pisses me off even though I can understand where he's coming from." House said staring at a wall and chewing his lip as he pondered.

"I guess it just depends on how much you trust him," Henry said giving House a knowing look.

House narrowed his eyes on Henry, "I trusted him enough to put my life in his hands."

Henry sighed, "People trust doctors they don't know all the time with their life, but it's harder to trust someone with your heart."

House rolled his eyes and scoffed at the sentimental words, "It's always the cardiologist that gets the credit for the hard work."

Henry looked confused for a second and then slightly amused, "Do you trust James?"

House's bottom lip did a subconscious pout, "I trust what I know is true. Like I trust that people will continue to die and because this is the nature of life that I and the people I care about will someday die. I trust that James cheats and leaves people; it's just... what he does. He's already cheated and confessed so now I'm just waiting on him to leave. During all the time we were just friends he'd get mad at me or in a romantic relationship and I wouldn't hear out of him, sometimes for months, but then he'd always come back," he said and looked down with uncertainty. "Now I don't know if he will."

Henry was torn, a part of him wanted to explain to House that trust was believing in something or someone despite their past, but another part of him thought it was more important to try to address the feeling House was having at the moment. "Try to explain to me how you feel right this minute?" He instructed.

House narrowed his eyes on Henry, "I was just starting to think you might not be too bad, then you have to go and ask a stupid question like that."

"You still haven't explained how you feel. If it's a stupid question then a genius like yourself should easily be able to answer it." Henry said and waited as House stayed silent. "I get it, this kind of stuff doesn't come naturally to you, but all I'm asking is that you try," he said as he could see that House was tense.

"This is stupid," House mumbled under his breath as he thought about it.

"_Pussy," John said with a sneer._

House's eyes widened at the voice as he could see his younger father standing in the doorway.

"_Girls talk about their 'feelings' not boys and sure as hell not men!" John said as he came closer._

"I didn't say anything," House said leaned back farther in the bed.

_John looked at him with disgust, "Don't lie to me boy. The nurse said that you told her you bottom was sore and that you've been 'sad'!" he seethed. "What the hell do you have to be sad or upset about? Huh?! You're nine years old!" He said and punched his son in the face. He licked his lips as he saw blood on the back of his hand from the boys' bloody lips and the fear that the boy tried to mask. "You think you ass was sore today at school, well it was nothing to how it's going to feel tomorrow." John said with a dark smile. "Take them off," he ordered._

House's hands shook from the cold rain that was steadily coming down on him while he was chained up to a dead tree as he reached down to pull down his pants when he felt someone grab a hold of him and the memory vanished for him to see a strange man leaned over him and his hand wrapped around the man's throat.

"House, it's me, Henry," Henry said calmly.

House immediately let go to hear his machines beeping wildly as his team ran in. "I'm fine, now get the hell out!" he yelled at them.

All three of them looked unsure about if they should stay or go. "Who's he?" Cameron asked.

"I'm a friend," Henry said with a polite smile.

"It's none of your business who he is, now get out," he said firmly and the team did while exchanging concerned glances, and Foreman gave an odd look at his waist before leaving. House looked down to see his pants were pulled down to the point of almost exposing his genitals and pulled them up quickly.

Henry had taken a step back to give House some space. "I take it that they don't know you're seeing as psychiatrist or that you've been hearing voices and hallucinating."

House stared at the door with worry, "No."

"I was under the impression that it's best for your doctors to know all of you symptoms and when treating you," Henry said with a knowing look.

House gave him an irritated look as his own words were ironically being thrown back at him, "Wilson knows. He's my doctor. It'll just scare them and make all of this more of a distraction than it already is from their work.

"Well, if you keep having hallucinations like the one you just had it's not going to take them long to figure out what's going on. It'll all up to you, do you want to tell them or for them to find out after you've wrapped your hand around their neck?" Henry said honestly. "I should go, you need your rest and we've had a pretty intense session as it is. Take care, Dr. House, I'll schedule the next appointment with James so it will work with you treatment schedule and if you need to talk before then please give me a call," he said and left.

Henry was on his way to Wilson's office when Wilson ran out of it with House's team behind him. "I'm going to figure it out now. I'll find out what happened," he said and stopped as he saw Henry.

Henry gave him a comforting smile, "He's fine now, I promise he...

"I'll have to talk to you later I need to check on Greg now," Wilson said walking past him quickly going in the room in which Henry had just left. Wilson locked the door behind himself and started towards Greg but stopped in his tracks at the sight before him. Wilson had witness more emotion out of the man he'd known for almost a decade in the last couple of weeks than he'd seen during their entire friendship but seeing Greg truly scared and embarrassed was the one that scared the living shit out of him. He didn't breath and his heart stopped as he stared at his lovers pale frightened face.

House looked James in the eyes and swallowed. He felt the blood drain from him making him feel cold the more he thought about the hallucination and how he'd reacted to it. "I hallucinated... James, I think I'm losing it," he said softly with hesitation as if saying it out loud scared him even more than seemed possible.

Wilson couldn't keep the sympathy off his face, "Greg, it's... okay," he said with little confidence as he walked towards him.

"No, it's not. James I grabbed him by the throat," House said looking down as he finished the sentence to keep from seeing the disappointment and anger he knew would be in James face. "You... you need to put restraints on," he practically whispered as his arms trembled.

Wilson shook his head, "No, I'll order you something to help but we're not to the point of restraints yet. I just saw Henry, you didn't hurt him, Greg." He said while looking at the beeping machines to see that Greg wasn't calming down.

"Yes it is! I could have hurt him, or you or one of my fellows," House said with panic.

"But you didn't, you need to calm down," Wilson said glancing from Greg to the numbers on the machines.

House looked at him wild eyes, "Calm DOWN! I was fucking seeing things that weren't there and then I grabbed a man by his throat and you just want me... to CALM DOWN!"

Wilson frowned as the numbers on the machines rose and knew he was going to have to use one of the doses that he'd been caring in his pocket since Greg was admitted. "I'm just concerned about you. You've been going through a lot right now, and the idea that you had a small incident doesn't really surprise me. It's normal for cancer patients to ..."

"It's not NORMAL to hallucinate and attempt to hurt people, that's not NORMAL. I don't care if I have cancer or small pox or just woke-up pissed at the world, none of that gives me the right to act like that!" House said loudly as he watched James wrap his arms around his shoulders which he partly enjoyed and partly was irritated by. He tried to shrug James off when he felt his IV tube pull some and looked over his shoulder to see James squeezing the contents of a syringe into his tubing. He looked at James who looked back at him with regret and guilt but no sorrow because he knew he'd done the right thing. "You manipulative bitch," House said with surprise and yet some admiration, "how long have you been carrying those on you?"

"Ever since you were admitted," Wilson admitted honestly.

"That..." House swayed as the medicine was taking a hold, "was...mart..." he managed to slur out before his body went limp.

Wilson smiled sadly at him as he caressed his hair back. "That's it, just get some rest Greg. It's going to be okay, I promise." He said wishing he could curl up next to his boyfriend in the bed and hold him when House's team burst in the door. Wilson pulling his hand away from Greg as if it had been burned. "He'll be out for a couple of hours, in that time I'm going to order him up some new meds and I want you to collect me all new data and rerun any all his normal tests plus anything else you can think of that might could explain hallucinations as a symptom." Wilson said looking at the team.

Cameron gave him a sympathetic look, "It's most likely the …"

"I know that it's probably the cancer drugs, do you think I'm an idiot!?" Wilson snapped at her and took a deep breath as he saw her flinch. "I.. didn't mean to yell, it's just... even if it's unlikely I'd rather us have looked and been wrong then not checked it out. I mean his leg was just suppose to be a cramp and the vomiting was suppose to psychosomatic and the cancer was just a one small bump." He said looking down at his lover and best friend, "Things are never as simple as they're suppose to be for him so let's not take any chances."

Foreman coughed, getting Wilson to look up at him instead of looking at House. "Does that include a drug test? It's a possibility we haven't checked and... well, it fits his MO."

Wilson glared at Foreman, who the hell was he to judge Greg, but then again he had a point.

Foreman had noticed the immediate anger at the idea and then the softening on Wilson's face as he thought more about it. "He's been under a huge amount of stress, people who've never touched drugs have tried them in times like these and with his addiction it's a strong possibility, can you tell me it's not?"

Wilson looked defeated as he sighed and looked back at Greg with guilt ridden eyes, "Fine, do the drug test too," he said with his shoulders slumped, "I'll be in my office and expect to have all the reports on my desk within two hours, I'll call the labs and let them know anything with his name on it is to be rushed."


	40. Chapter 40 : Stubornly Right

"I'll be in my office and expect to have all the reports on my desk within two hours; I'll call the labs and let them know anything with his name on it is to be rushed." Wilson said and walked out to see Henry watching him with concerned eyes as he stood at Wilson's office door. He was surprised as he'd completely forgotten the man. "You didn't have to wait."

"Yes I did, I needed to know if he was going to be okay. Did you have to sedate him?" Henry asked solemnly.

"Yeah, unfortunately," Wilson said walking into his office and motioning for Henry to follow him in, "I need to know if you... did anything to him like touching him or raising your voice at him? I need to understand what might have triggered the hallucination."

Henry frowned, "I can't tell you what we said, as it would be against confidentiality. All I can say about it is that I didn't touch or yell at him before the episode."

Wilson gritted his teeth, "I respect your confidentiality policies, you know I do, but Henry I need to know what the trigger was. He's lucky he didn't have heart attack and in his condition... I don't think he'd survive one, so this is life and death."

"I'm sorry James, but I don't see it that way. I will go as far as to tell you that I was asking him to speak about a topic that he didn't seem ready to discuss deeper before it happened, but that's all I'm comfortable saying. If you need more than that, then you need to speak with him," Henry said firmly even though he felt for James's situation.

Wilson shook his head, "You don't know him like I do. He'll risk his life just being stubborn because he's an ass like that. Listen I can promise you he isn't the kind of guy that would turn you in, he never turns anyone in, even if they deserve it." He said as he felt his panic rise, "I can't let him die, I … I..."

Henry put a gentle hand Wilson's shoulder, "James, you're scared which I understand and that's one of the many reasons I didn't think you being his doctor was wise. I know you want to help him, but you already know you that you have problems getting too close to patients and over investing emotionally. You're not going to be help to him if you can't stay in control of your emotions, and start breaking all the rules because you're emotional."

Wilson opened his mouth to object that House did it all the time, but didn't say anything as he realized it was never based on emotion. House broke the rules because he had facts that pointed to a certain condition or because conventional treatment wasn't working. House saved lives when he broke the rules, but he knew that wasn't the case with most people. The rules were there for good reasons, the rule saved patients from doctors... House was an exception. "I love him," fell from Wilson's trembling lips as he looked at Henry with pleading eyes.

Henry heard the difference in James's voice and the emotions on his face were real. Henry had heard James talk a lot about loving different people but for the first time he could tell it wasn't some superficial shallow need to be with someone, it was deep and real. Henry nodded, "Order up his new medication and then take an hour and talk to me. The best thing you can do for him right now is to take care of yourself. He needs stability from you because nothing in is life is stable right now."

Wilson took a deep breath, "Okay," he said to Henry and picked up the phone to order the medications and to let the labs know he was going to be having House's team running some tests that needed to be rushed. When he was done he looked across his desk at Henry who was sitting in the chair and looking at the trinkets around his office that patients had given him. "I feel like I should be doing something for him right now, not sitting here chatting with you."

"What more could you do for him right now?" Henry asked.

"I could show him support by being in there with him," Wilson answered.

Henry raised an eyebrow, "Do you honestly think he'd be able to fully appreciate that while he's knocked out?"

Wilson sighed, "I know you're right, there isn't really anything to do for him, but I still feel like I should be doing something for him."

"You are, James, you know that," Henry said with warm knowing eyes.

Wilson took a deep relieving breath and smiled a little sheepishly, he knew Henry was right. He'd been needing to do a session for a good while now, but with all that had been going on he hadn't put in the effort to make the time. He would like to say he didn't have the time, but he honestly knew that wasn't the case; there had been time's he could have been doing a session. "I was so focused on what was happening in the moment that I didn't take the time to plan for the future, otherwise I would have called you a week ago." Wilson smile grew some as he thought about it, "Wow... Greg and I haven't been together two weeks, yet it feels like a years passed since I last talked to you," he said looking at Henry.

Henry smiled knowingly, "I can't imagine with House that there is ever a dull moment."

"No... no, there really isn't," Wilson said honestly and swallowed. "I... thought I knew him," he said looking to Henry with guilt ridden eyes, "I really did... but I didn't. I guess deep down I knew he was a little... broken, but he puts on such a strong front that I didn't think it was anything like this," he said shaking his head slightly as he thought about what all Greg had endured. "I hate his father," Wilson said meeting Henry's eyes again.

Henry gave him a sympathetic smile, "I know House is a big part of your life now, but this is your time, let's try to focus on you." Wilson nodded and Henry tried to push him some on a topic he'd been wondering about, "So how do you see your sexuality now?"

Wilson thought about it and looked to Henry with a lost expression, "I honesty I don't know," he said as his eyes shifted to the floor and his cheeks blushed some. "I mean... I... or my body responds to Greg like... It's intense," he said glancing up at Henry but not quite enough to meet his eyes. "But I'm not sure if it's because it's him or... because he's a him?" he said with a furrowed brow.

"Are you looking at other men differently now?" Henry asked

Wilson ran a hand through his hair as he looked at Henry, "I... kissed another guy, but I had been drinking and I was..." he paused as his eyes shifted, "horny."

"When did this happen and how did it make you feel?" Henry asked with interest.

Wilson was surprised that he didn't hear any judgment in Henry's voice, "Um... about a week ago," he said with a frown.

Henry's was surprised but kept it off his face, Wilson usually didn't cheat on anyone this fast, it usually took years. "How was it?"

"Not worth it," Wilson said as his eyes moistened some, "I mean, in the moment it was okay, but nothing like it is with Greg and.." he swallowed hard, "when I told him it... God... I just keep on hurting him." He said with disgust as his chewed his lips some as he shook his head, "The worst part, only a couple of days later I slept with Julie."

Henry looked confused, "Julie... your ex-wife?" He was astonished to see Wilson nod, "How did that happen?"

"I thought," he was about to say he thought they had broken up but deep down he knew that wasn't the truth, "I'm an idiot, that's how it happened. We got into a fight about my infidelity and instead of taking blame for my actions I blamed him for sitting by and watching me ruin my life..." Wilson said frowning deeply, "and then I threatened to sleep with the man I'd kissed, but went over to Julies instead. God, what kind of person does that?" He asked out loud with an absent shake of his head.

"Someone that's scared and confused," Henry said compassion. "James, from what you've told me in the past, you've never threatened to cheat on one of your companions before; why do you think you did with House?"

"To hurt him, I guess... and to try to make him feel like an idiot," Wilson said glancing at Henry with guilt ridden eyes. "I told him I kissed someone else, but not that it was another man and when he assumed it was a woman I didn't correct him."

Henry lifted an eyebrow, "Did that surprise him?" he asked casually while watching Wilson with interest.

Wilson closed his eyes as he could still see Greg's reaction and took a deep breath, "Yeah and it hurt him a lot. I told him the guy was better looking and could dance with me... I used his disability and insecurities against him."

A flicker of thought crossed Henry's mind about how hard something like that must have hit House's already damaged self-worth, but he forced himself not to concentrate on that, he needed to focus on Wilson right now. "Had you ever said something about his disability like that before?"

"No... Well rarely, maybe two or three times before," Wilson said looking in Henry's eyes.

"Why did you go that far this time, what were you trying to accomplish?" Henry asked softly.

"I told you, to hurt him," Wilson said hating himself some.

Henry sighed, "People use pain (both mental and physical) to motivate other to do what they want. What did you want the hurt of your words to make him do?" he said making the statement clear.

Wilson blinked as he thought about it, "Oh...I wanted him to admit he'd purposefully kept his insight about me a secret, basically to accept blame for my mistakes... and I wanted him to stop me from leaving." He said thinking about it more as his remembered how he felt once he'd left Greg's apartment. "More than anything I wanted him to stop me from leaving."

Henry nodded, "You needed him to forgive you for not being perfect, because you hold yourself to an impossible standard when it comes to moral and ethical judgment. This is an issue we've spoken about before, you need forgiveness from him more than anyone because he's the only person you said you felt comfortable being yourself around because he didn't judge you and because every lover you've had told you to leave when you made a mistake instead of forgiving you."

Wilson knew Henry was right as soon as he'd spoken and let out a nervous laugh, "Wow, between mine and his issues, one of us is going to end up dead before this ends." He saw Henry's expression grow sad and concerned which made the silence after the 'joke' hold weight.

"I pray it doesn't end up that way," Henry said softly and looked down at a word he had written on his notepad. "You said you told him you were going to the guys house, but you went over to Julies, why?"

Wilson's mouth felt dry as he wondered what Greg had told Henry, maybe he was more depressed than he'd been saying or showing. Was Greg still suicidal? "There aren't a lot of new or first time experiences after the age 40, so when you have one that you're actually looking forward to you think about who you want to share that with and that's Greg, also I love him." He said seriously.

Henry smiled some as his heart warmed by the answer and the way it had been given. James had said it all with a deep sense of truth. "You couldn't hurt him that much or cheapen your first time with a man, that's a good reason. So why did you sleep with Julie?"

"It was comfortable and she wanted it, plus it's been a while since I'd had intercourse because Greg's not ready for that yet." Wilson said and chewed his lip some, "And...I wanted to compare things..." he said vaguely looking awkwardly at the carpet.

"You know, if you told Greg you were having sex with your ex-wife for research I think he might actually admire you for it," Henry said with a half-smile.

Wilson laughed deeply, "Probably the only person in the world that would," he said and chewed on both his lips.

"You can talk to me about this, I'm not going to look at you any different and I'm not going to get weird because you're talking about gay sex." Henry said hoping to encourage Wilson to reveal his findings.

Wilson swallowed as he tried to come up with a way of describing how he felt. "Sex isn't... the same with Greg. It's... (sigh), he's... (Exasperated scoff). I've never really had control issues before. I mean I've always felt like I could stop at any time if I needed to, but with him..." he closed his eyes sucking on his bottom lip for a second as he felt a warmth spread though him. "He makes me feel like I'm on fire and like it, plus he's gooood, damn he's tooo gooood." Wilson said feeling himself stiffen at just the thought of the man. "I'm constantly having to remind myself to slow down or not to be too aggressive, but it's so easy to get carried away with him. Too many times he's had to stop me from practically taking him."

"So, you prefer Greg in the bedroom to women?" Henry asked even though he wanted to know exactly what James meant by 'practically' taking him.

"We haven't had actual intercourse yet, but so far I'd prefer to be in the bedroom with Greg over women, or breathing, or eating or doing anything else ever. Seriously, you can't imagine how good he is, I know I couldn't." Wilson explained.

Henry raise a surprised eyebrow, "When he's stopped you, how far had it usually gotten?"

Wilson grimaced some with guilt, "Me having him pinned down, while he was either naked or I was literally ripping his pants off, and groping him as I ground myself against him with a feral need like nothing I've ever experienced before."

Henry stared at his notepad afraid that his expression would give away his disapproval over James's sexually dominating behavior toward House. "How does it make you feel to have such... strong sexual desires for a man?"

"I'm really not that confident I'd feel that way about another man, like the kiss with the other guy wasn't' bad but it wasn't special or significant. It's not his sex that drives me crazy, it's him. I'm usually pretty quiet in the bedroom but he has me groaning and moaning incoherently in a matter of minutes and usually after I've had my release my appetite for sex is satisfied, but not with him. I don't even go limp half the time after; I'll stay hard for a couple of hours." Wilson said with slightly flushed cheeks. "I don't know why exactly, but I do feel more for him than I ever have for someone."

"What about him do you like the most?" Henry asked.

Wilson took a couple of minutes to think about that and even then he couldn't really narrow that down. "He's my best friend... he's funny and he trust me, which only means more because he rarely trusts anyone. I've always thought he was handsome and now... I found him sexy, in a way the goes beyond physical and his inner strength, it's... I admire him so much." He said deeply. "Greg's the strongest person I know, and he's selfless and honest and his love means everything to me," he said as his eyes moistened some. "He's a better man than me, and he's the first person I've been with that I feel afraid of not living up too."

Henry's eyes widened at the statement, he'd been focused on trying to get James to really evaluate his sexuality and trying not to let his session with House influence his session with James that he hadn't even seen this issue coming. James felt insecure that he was good enough for House and because of that he'd been pushy in an attempt to prove his love to him. "You told him that you love him; do you think he believes that?"

"He says he does but... no, I don't really think he does. He always thinks I'm going to leave him or cheat on him... and I know he's got a fucked up view of self-worth about himself and I've hurt him but I really do love him." Wilson said with concern as he wrapped his arms around himself.

Henry was surprised the gesture with James arms wasn't defensive, which was common for him when proclaiming his love, it was self-assuring. James was afraid... "How does it make you feel to think he doesn't believe you?"

Wilson swallowed, "I'm afraid he'll hurt himself, or start pushing me away because he thinks he's doing me some favor." He said rubbing his hands on his arms some, "When I saw those cuts on the inside of his thighs..." he said with disgust. "I never have understood how someone could hate themselves that much that they would mutilate their body. He's a really great man and he hates himself, and it hurts to see hear him talk about himself like he's nothing and it hurts to know he doesn't believe I love him because he doesn't think it's possible for someone to love him!" Wilson said raising his voice as his lips trembled, "And I'm afraid I'll lose him to his own demons... and that makes me feel helpless."

"Do you feel like you have to try to prove your love to him," Henry asked the leading question casually.

"Of course I do, between the abuse he's endured and the cancer and his self-destructive behavior I'm scared out of my fucking mind I'll never get to show him how I feel about him, that he'll never see how beautiful and great it could be!" Wilson half yelled and suddenly it hit him and his eyes filled with tears. "I... didn't mean to be so... forceful. I just don't want him or me to go the rest of our lives without knowing what it would be like to be together. I've been so afraid of losing him that I've been literally pushing sex on him." He swallowed looking at Henry as he wiped his face. "I'm so afraid of losing him," he practically whispered.

"I know," Henry said softly with sympathy and compassion. "Between all of the pressure from the issues you've already mentioned and the literal time clock, it's hard to patient."

"Not to mention that fact the man has skills that he's always tempting me with. Hell, if I walk by and no one's around he'll just start groping me and he's good at it and then he'll share a small part of himself with me and all I want is more... even without the pressure and clock it's so hard to control myself around him." Wilson tried to explain.

"How about pushing him to take a more dominating position, that way you don't lead it farther than he'd comfortable with?" Henry asked.

"I'd love to do that, but Greg's leg doesn't allow him a lot of options on position or movement, it pretty much means he has to be laying down on the bed and not moving around too much," Wilson said with a sigh.

Henry thought some more, "Maybe try not initiating sex, wait for him too."

"Yeah, I do that," Wilson said thinking about it, "it's been almost a week since I've started anything physical, and it ended in him refusing to let me give him a blow job and us both going to bed upset." He sighed, "I just wish that I could have gone through with it the night he showed me the scars, he needed that reassurance that I'd still find him desirable and still want him, but then I wasn't prepared for those other scars and I flaked out on him." He frowned, "It would have been perfect, I had more control that night even if I was humping him like a horny teenager. He'd just shared something huge with me and I was being careful with him... and then when I couldn't... it hurt him so bad."

Henry could see it hadn't just hurt House; it had devastated James to cause him such grief. "Have you two talked about sex since then?"

"He's been pushing for us to give it another shot. He said that if our situation was reversed he would have sex with me, even if it might not be perfect at first and that he'd keep trying till it was perfect. He said... he wished he could give me his virginity, but it was taken from him." Wilson said softly.

"He's right, you know, it's going to take practice and putting it off isn't going to make it any better. People who haven't been sexually abused have a misconception that if you give a victim enough time that it will make things better, but that's not the case with most victims. If anything it only makes them more anxious and puts more pressure on them to act normal, even if that isn't how they feel, because you expect them to be better. What Greg has gone through, it can't be fixed with idol time but it might can be helped with practice." Henry said letting the statement linger there for Wilson to think about.

"Sex might help him?" Wilson said with skepticism.

Henry arched an eyebrow, "Would it be just sex between you two?"

"No," Wilson answered immediately without thought and then his eyes widened some in realization. "He's never had a man make love to him. It's going to be as new to him as it is to me..." he said with a slight smile.

"Yes, it is, it's going to be very emotional for him," Henry said, "more than he probably can imagine, but you need to be in control of yourself before you consider giving that to him."

Wilson was blinking as he kept thinking more about it, "It will be like physical therapy, reprogramming the body to expect different sensations and to respond in a different way then it's use too," he swallowed as he suddenly felt a huge weight on his shoulders. "If I do this right... I could help change his life for the better, give him something he's never had, but if I mess this up..." his voice faded off and worry consumed him.

"Hey, don't do that to yourself," Henry said firmly. "You're human; if you make a mistake we'll figure things out from there. Also, James, you can't fix him," he said seriously to see James look at him with confusion. "You might, MIGHT, can help him, but that's not the reason you should be doing this. If you move forward in your relationship for the wrong reason, it could do far more damage to him."

"Do you have any tips to help me with control?" Wilson asked hopefully.

Henry chuckled some, "Not that differ from the same ones you heard as a teenager, bite your tongue, take a cold shower, pinch yourself, imagine your grandmother naked, ejaculate a couple of hours before hand." He said then sighed, "My best suggestion for you is to concentrate on where he is emotionally, like I said it's going to be a very emotional experience for him, take your time warming him up, let him feel that this time is going to be different by the way you touch him."

Wilson nodded, "He... offered to prepare himself a head of time the next time we gave it a shot. I really don't want him to have to do that, I want to be able to do that without it ruining the night. Should I try gloves or something?"

"No," Henry said quickly, "that will only make him feel more self-conscience about the scaring. Have you thought about using a toy?"

"A toy?" Wilson asked looking at Henry and suddenly he understood and his face flushed red. "Oh... I've never really used any of that kind of stuff before. They have things... for that?"

"I'm pretty sure they have something for just about anything you could imagine and things you can't even begin to comprehend. House may have some stuff like that since he doesn't seem to have sex that often." Henry added.

Wilson grimaced awkwardly, "I think I would rather get something new for us to use, instead of something that already has memories of its own."

Henry nodded in agreement, "Yeah, plus that would be a rather odd conversation to start. You might want to consider taking him with you to choose the right item, that way you can be sure it's something he's comfortable with."

"But what if he says he'd feel more comfortable not using a toy?" Wilson asked.

"You need to be honest with him. I mean there's nothing wrong with giving what you tried last time another shot, but you need to have an option if that just isn't working for you and he needs to know that." Henry said truthfully.

"I don't want to make him feel bad about something he can't help, it's not his fault he was raped," Wilson said adamantly.

"Nor is it yours. House is a smart man, even if it hurts him to hear it; he's rational enough to understand it. He knows he can't expect you to be completely okay with everything that's been done to him; he isn't okay with it and he's had a lot longer than you have to process it." Henry responded.

Wilson frowned, "Greg said something to me when we started dating. He compared himself to a broken vase. He said he was broken and I wanted to make him back into the beautiful vase he once was, even though he's not sure it's even possible, but that I was wanting him to promise me that neither one of us would get hurt, and that he COULDN'T promise me that. He said I would hurt him, even if it wasn't on purpose, and he'd hurt me too, but that was the cost of fixing something shattered, that... that's what happen when you play with glass," he swallowed. "I had hoped he was wrong, that I could do this without hurting him, but he was right, wasn't he?"

"Wait, Dr. House, the man I just met with... he said that?" Henry said with a smirk.

Wilson grinned at the comment, "Yes, I know he doesn't look like the type, but he can be rather..."

"Poetic... romantic... and so annoyingly right," Henry said with a soft smile. "Not many people can be that honest with themselves, not to mention their lover. Honesty is a rare trait to find in someone and I think it will help you two in your relationship more than anything else will." He said and James smile warmly at him with hope.

Then there was a knock on the door and both men looked to it, "Come in," Wilson said.

Foreman looked at Wilson with the same serious look he always wore and arched an eyebrow up at Henry as he walked in the room and handed Wilson a file. "Nothing unexpected on the reports yet, except the top one, thought you'd want to know."

Wilson scoffed as he looked at the report and slapped it down on his desk.

The left corner of Foreman's mouth curved ever so slightly up and his eyes shined with righteousness, "Anything else you'd like me to do before going back to run more tests?"

"No," Wilson said with an edge in his voice and then sighed as he realized he'd sounded harsh, "thank you," he added softly.

Foreman gave him a short nod and left.

Henry looked at James with concern, "Bad news," he said solemnly.

Wilson let out a soft bitter laugh, "Greg is on pot," he announced. "I don't know why I'm surprised, if there is one thing he'll lie about it's his drugs."

Henry kept a neutral face as he wondered if James realized that he'd violated House's trust as much by drug testing him without his consent, as House had by not telling him about the pot. "Marijuana is supposed to be good for nerves, appetite, and pain isn't it?"

Wilson gave Henry a sympathetic look as he shook his head, "That's not why he's using it, that's why he'll say he was using it, but if it didn't also get him stoned he wouldn't touch the stuff. He's an addict, maybe he has some damn good reason for trying to escape reality with whatever vice he founds, but it doesn't change what he is."

Henry took a deep breath as he had to hold himself back from giving advice. He needed James to think about things differently on his own. "If he were any other patient going through the treatments he is and he asked you to prescribe him some pot, would you?"

"You don't understa..." Wilson started but was cut off by Henry.

"Would you?" Henry asked a little more assertively.

Wilson's lip twitched, "Yes, probably."

"Do you have any personal issues with the use of marijuana without a prescription, other than it being illegal?" Henry asked.

"No, hell, I did it myself back in the college days. It's safer than alcohol," Wilson responded.

Henry smirked some, "Who didn't? Now, if he'd come to and asked what would you have said to him?"

Wilson swallowed as he ran his hand through his hair and sat down in at the desk. "I wouldn't have given it to him and I'd probably have lectured him for an hour or two about his addictions and looking for another way to cope." He said and frowned as he tried to see it from Greg's side. _He'd wanted to use a 'prescription' that he knew he should have been allowed, but also knew if he asked his doctor/boyfriend for it that he'd be told no and chastised_, he thought. _But Greg is an addict_, he reminded himself. _But he's also in pain and nauseous and stress out_, he though chewing on his lip. _He needs me to help him stay in control, not give him drugs_, he rationalized. _Don't you think he's been controlled by enough people_, he thought feeling sick with himself. "I've got to keep this professional and stop letting my personal relationship effect his treatment, but I'm not sure how to do that." He said taking a deep breath, "I tried being colder, but that just lead to me treating him like a child."

Henry nodded, "It's a really hard thing to do, that's the reason you're not supposed to do it. Sometimes you can think you are being objective and not even realize how much your treatment is effected by your relationship to that person. My only suggestion on the matter, other than to stop treating him, is to consult with the other doctor about decisions."

Wilson sighed, giving Henry a nod in agreement and noticed his hour was up, "You're right. Thanks for coming up here today and fitting us in, we both really appreciated it."

Henry gave a warm smile as he stood up, "James I wanted to let you know that as a friend I really hope you two work out. He seems to be an exceptional man."

Wilson heart beat faster and he warmed at the man's words. Henry had been the first person he'd told that hadn't had a negative reaction to their relationship. "Yes, that he is," he said with soft smile as he watched Henry leave.

11111111111

Dr. Roberts walked into Wilson's office, "You wanted to see me?" he asked politely.

"Yes, did you get a chance to look at the reports I sent you about House?" Wilson asked anxiously.

Dr. Roberts nodded, "Yes," he answered tilting his head some as he began to wonder if there was something he missed.

"And you didn't find any surprises on it?" Wilson asked leadingly.

"No," Roberts said with a frown, "was there something I missed?"

"Just that our patient has been smoking marijuana, which is an illegal substance, without informing us of it," Wilson said with a slight edge in his voice, he was trying to stay professional.

Roberts regarded Wilson with curiosity, "Okay, and so does about half the patients I have. He'd have to be stoned out of his mind all day for that to cause hallucinations, which I personally don't think is the case, especially since he doesn't seem to have had any since being admitted. Is there a relevance I'm not seeing to his use of pot on his own time and his current health problems?"

Wilson scoffed and shook his head, "You mean besides showing us how he usually treats his body?" He gritted his teeth, "No wonder he has cancer, pot, vicoden, alcohol, eats junk food, never gets any cardio, smokes cigarettes sometimes (his voice became more bitter), doesn't keep his apartment clean, never drinks enough fluids, pulling stupid stunts that land him in the hospital, cuts himse..." he abruptly stopped as he saw Roberts eyes widen. "You didn't hear that last one," he said back softer.

Roberts furrowed his brow, "As far as I'm concerned I didn't hear any of that, because as doctors we don't blame patients for their diseases, it's unprofessional," he said firmly as the rant had colored his idea of Dr. Wilson differently.

"I wasn't..." Wilson started but faded off as he thought about what he'd said, he was. He blinked with a sad realization at Roberts and could see the judgment in the younger doctors' eyes. "I'm sorry; I don't know where that was coming from. You're right."

"So, do you think that the addition of pot to his medications could help the patient?" Roberts asked the only important question that remained about the marijuana.

Wilson's jaw dropped, "What?"

Roberts arched an eyebrow, "He's severely malnourished, the treatments he's undergoing are extremely painful, and he's so stressed and tense he keeps having hallucinations and panic attacks. From the reports I read last night it looked like he had a massive panic attack. I'm just saying the marijuana would help with all of those symptoms."

"Did you forget the part about him being an addict, marijuana is habit forming," Wilson said condescendingly.

"A habit it seems he already has. We aren't a rehab clinic and it could help him," Robert responded as his frown deepened. "By the way, why is he on half the dose of morphine that is traditionally give to a patient undergoing his cancer regime?" He asked with intense eyes.

Wilson shrugged, "I upped his dose from yesterday," he said.

"Yeah, I saw that. It went up from a third of the morphine usually given to half." Roberts said and gave him a fake smile, "I'm sure there is a medical reason behind your decision, I was just wondering what it was, so I could explain it if anyone, like Cuddy, were to ask."

Wilson's jaw tightened was Roberts threatening to inform Cuddy that he was cutting back on House's pain dosage. "It is our job to consider the lasting effects a medication can have on a patient and to dose accordingly. He's an ADDICT and I, in good conscience, am not going to give him another vice to be addicted to. I'm carefully monitoring his pain medication and will up it as needed."

"Like when he has a heart attack because the pain is too much to bare! Any other patient would be screaming their heads off already about the pain, but he's too fucking proud to say anything and you know it! He was right, you're treating him differently because he's admitted to you that he was an addict." Roberts said back with disgust. "Let me make myself perfectly clear, you either up his meds or I will bring this to Dr. Cuddy's attention, and if she already knows and is allowing this I will go to the Board. He's my patient too now, and I'm not going to let your judgment of him effect his treatment, this isn't the time to make a point to him, this is the time to treat him!" He said furiously, "Dear God, Wilson, it's dangerous, he could die."

Wilson shook his head as he tried to refuse Dr. Roberts reasoning, "You don't understand, all he wants are the drugs. He'll say and do anything to get them!"

Roberts scoffed with disbelief, "No, you don't get it, my name is on his file now too and I'm not going to sit back and watch him being tortured." He said to see Wilson flinch at the word 'torture' and hoped he was finally getting through to him. "Even if he wasn't my patient, this wouldn't be right and I don't think I could ignore it. Also, he's not saying anything to me or his team about drugs, and even if he was begging you for them when no one else is around, he'd have a reason to at the moment."

Wilson felt sick. He's just been trying to help Greg not...'torture' him. "You think I'm torturing him?" he asked in a small voice.

"Purposefully no, but..." Roberts could tell his words had sunken in and hit Wilson hard and he felt a little sympathetic for him. "Listen, I get that your trying to protect him, but it's hurting him. Hell he can't even make it through his first night without almost having a heart attack."

Wilson grimaced as he knew that he was the reason that Greg had freaked out. "So you think we should give him the typical dose of morphine and a prescription for marijuana?" he said looking to Roberts.

"We could start him out on 75% of the normal dose and the pot and see how he reacts. If he still seems to be in pain we can up the dosage, if not then leave it where it is," Roberts explained.

111111111

Roberts entered Dr. House's office/room to find the room dark except for the deep blue light that flowed in from the half open blinds from the night. The heavy rain created almost a soft music and some how made the room seem too quiet. He sighed and part of him wanted to leave, someone else should talk to House, not him. He looked back at the door with a longing and suddenly heard a soft whimper to which he looked back at the bed with a frown. The bed stirred some and another whimper followed. Roberts swallowed and slowly walked toward the bed, the man's face had a sheen of sweat as it was contorted in agony. "You poor bastard," he said softly and looked to at the machines he was hooked up to, too see House's numbers climbing steadily. House shook his face some, as if trying to get away from something and then took a deep breath. Roberts chewed his lip trying to debate if he should wake him up and glanced back at the machines to see House's numbers dropping and let out a relieved sigh... but then frowned as they continued to drop. He looked back at the sleeping man and his eyes widened some, the chest wasn't moving. House's body tensed and pulled as his neck strained back while his face paled. Robert put his hand on the man's chest to hear a loud gasp as the body beneath him jolted up into a sitting position and he quickly jumped back from the man some. His shocked eyes watched as the man cough and gasped for breath as his shaky arms wrapped around his thin body. The man's shirt was soaked with sweat and he bit his own lip harshly his face conveying pain as his body seem to shake more. "House, are you alright?" He asked softly but the man obviously flinched at the sound of his voice in the quiet dark room.

House turned his head and his eyes glared accusingly at the man, who swallowed and looked down from House's eyes. House's fists tightened as another wave of pain hit him hard. "Great, was having a wet dream, hope I didn't disturb you," he said trying to sound casual, but he wasn't able to completely cover up the painful rasp in his voice.

Roberts licked his lips and any doubt he'd had about his talk with Wilson had vanished. There was no doubt in his mind that House was in a terrible amount of pain. He pushed a small laugh, "Yeah, I can see that," he said back as if he didn't know that House was barely keeping it together from the pain.

House was grateful that Robert didn't call him out on the lie, "What did you need?" he asked as he pushed buttons on the bed so the back held him up and leaned back against it biting his tongue some to try and distract him his sore and painful body. He saw Roberts going for the light, "Leave if off," he said quickly.

Roberts nodded, "I came by to discuss a medication that we think might help ease the side effects of your treatments." He said and waited for House to say something but he didn't, he just watched him with his intense blue eyes. "We want to add medical cannabis to your prescriptions, it could help with the..."

"No," House said firmly cutting him off. "Sorry Mr. Drug dealer, but McGruff taught me that drugs are bad for me and to say no when a stranger offers them to me, but I'm pretty sure the guy in room A18 would be interested."

Roberts regarded the man with disbelieving curiosity, "Why are you refusing this?" he asked genuinely.

House's eyes narrowed slightly on the man, he'd already stated why he was refusing it. So what Roberts was really saying was that he didn't believe his reason. "What about me made you think I'd say yes?" he asked flatly but there was weight on the question.

"I don't know, probably because you tested positive for it on the drug test we just got back today," Roberts responded to see the corner of Houses eye twitch. House's jaw tighten as his expression seemed to become several levels colder than it had been which was a surprise to him since House hadn't seemed warm to begin with.

"Get out," House said in a soft serious tone that made Roberts swallow and look away from him, "tell Wilson I don't want any of his DRUGS. I'm managing just fine," he said with an edge so sharp he saw Roberts pull back from him.

Robert took a couple of steps back from him and looked at the door. He knew the smart thing to do was to leave, but dammit he'd went up to bat against Wilson for House and he wasn't going to let House's pride diminish his effort. "No you're not fine and that's obvious to everyone. I'm sorry if it hurts your ego, but you sure as hell don't mind knocking down other peoples so I'm just going to give you the same courtesy back," he said as his back straightened. "Some how your pain medication was lowered dramatically and now that I've brought that to Dr. Wilson's attention it's going to be raised to a more acceptable dose."

House swallowed, "No, I don't want the higher dose," he said jutting his chin out defiantly. "What I'm on now is good. It's enough and it's not your place to go pushing James to raise it." He said with a small growl in his voice, this Dr. Roberts was fucking an already touchy topic between James and him up even more. "I NEVER said anything about wanting more morphine, and you know why?" he asked, meaning for it to be a rhetorical question but Roberts answered it before he could continue.

"Because, your stupid pride wouldn't let you!" Roberts answered loudly with a fire in his eyes as he looked at House with irritation. "Look at you, you're fucking shaking from the pain and when I came in you were whimpering in your sleep." He said to see House glare him down, but he was out of the man's reach and he wasn't going to stop until he was ready. "I don't know what's going on between you and Wilson, him cutting you back too low and you refusing to ask for more because then you might somehow prove him right about you being a drug seeking addict, and honestly I could care less. You're my patient too now. You are in a tremendous amount of pain. You WILL be medicated for that pain and you WILL use the marijuana to help with the nausea and stress of the treatments, because I swear I'm not going to be forever remembered as the incompetent doctor who killed the Great Doctor HOUSE! Do you understand me? So Dr. Wilson and you can get over yourselves." He said firmly.

House's lip curled into a snarl, "Are you done now, you get all of that out of your system?" he asked to see Roberts blinking at him in surprise, evidently the man had expect him to agree after the rant. "I'm not going to consent to the high dose of morphine or the pot, so you unless you plan on forcing it on me and giving me a great reason to sue your ass, it's not going to happen." He said with complete absolution. "Now get the FUCK OUT!" He said to hear one of his machines beep warningly and took a deep breath to calm himself some.

Roberts looked at the machine and back at House with disbelief as he slowly made his way to the door. "I don't get it," he said defeatedly looking at the man. "I knew you were stubborn, but not stupid. I mean, Wilson's a friend but...it shouldn't matter THAT much what he thinks of you. Not enough you'd put your life on the line to prove him wrong or to gain his respect." he said softly looking at House with sad and concerned feature. "No one should be worth that," he said and left, closing the door behind him.

House felt an old familiar ache in his chest and a lump in his throat, who's only comfort was that it help him ignore that his entire body was hurting. It was the ache he always felt when he was forced to realize that someone he loved was intentionally causing him physical pain and didn't even seem to care. What was wrong with him that made people want to hurt him? He pulled his cover around him tighter as he felt the urge to sob, but he didn't and for once it wasn't his pride that stood in the way. He was just too tired to do anything; his body hurt so bad that breathing was a hard enough task. He felt some more sweat run down his face as the back of his throat tickled. He tried to keep the cough from coming out but it escaped him and elicited a horrible amount of pain that you wouldn't think possible from such a small cough and he let out a choppy groan. For a brief moment his eyes glance at the morphine that was lazily dripping in his I.V. and his eyes watered as he looked away from it. _What did I do to make him hate me this much? Why is he punishing me this time?_ He thought but the voice in his head sounded small and trembled, they were the same questions he'd asked himself as a child about his father.


	41. Chapter 41: A Dose of Reality

"Time for another meal," Chase said with a container of high calorie liquid but as he looked at House he became concerned. "House, you alright?" he asked.

House put some effort in keeping the pain off his face, "Yeah, just caught a glimpse of your face and it reminded me of this horrible porno I watched last week," he said with a fake shutter, "that transvestite was pretty disturbing." He mused then gave Chase a suspicious look, "Wait, do you go by the name Carman," he said emphasizing 'man' at the end of the name, "and do cheesy porno's?"

Chase rolled his eyes, "Of course I do House. How else do you expect a boy like me to make it when you refuse to pay me anything like a decent wage?" he said jokingly.

For once House didn't have to fake the smile, "You've got to tell me how you pull off that move with the dildo, the man, and the chair," he said with a smirk.

"Sorry, but Carman reveals her secrets to no one," Chase said slightly amused and turned on the light. The smile was stripped from his face by what he saw, "Jesus, House, you look like crap."

House narrowed his eyes some, "Fuck you too," he said with an edge in his voice. "You try chemo and see how you look," he gritting his teeth some.

Chase frowned at that, "How's the pain?" he asked looking his boss over.

"It's manageable, now just fill my tank with that shake and I'll be fine," House said closing his eyes some.

"Okay," Chase said even though he was skeptical. He quickly poured in the liquid and after closing off the feeding tube he looked back at his boss, "You have anything for me to empty?" he asked expectantly but House just shook his head. Chase's brow furrowed, "Considering the liquid meals you've been having every four hours you should. Are you constipated, because I can get you something for that."

House swallowed looking at the IV bags, "No," he said honestly.

Chase swallowed as he could tell something was wrong, something embarrassing to House and he was going to have to get to the bottom of it. He sighed, "Are you having problems getting on the bed pan?" he asked professionally.

House glared at him, "I can get on the bed pan," he answered, lying out his teeth.

Chase nodded, "Okay, then let me see you do it," he responded cooly.

"I don't need to go now," House said looking at his rolling tray.

Chase rolled his eyes, "Why do you have to always be such a stubborn ass?" he asked as moved to the side of the bed. "Come on, I'll help you," he said grabbing the bed pan.

"I don't want your help," House snarled at him.

"Fine, would you rather have me get Cameron or maybe Foreman, of course I could always get Cuddy or Wilson. So which will it be, you can't never go to the restroom again and I promise you this will be a lot less of a hit to your pride then if you defecate yourself," Chase said sternly as he watched the man. House just laid there for a couple of moments in pained thought and his lip trembled some as he tried to lift his bottom. Chase quickly helped him and pulled down his pants without looking as he slid the bed pan under him. He looked to see House's face turned from his in shame and it broke his heart. "I'll be in the DDX room, just let me know when you're done," he said but the man made no indication he'd heard him and Chase bowed his head and left. He let half an hour pass before he walked back in to see House in the same position as he'd left him in. "You never said anything, are you done?" he asked softly to see the man give him a faint nod. Chase walked over and lifted House to see that the man had really needed to go and toilet paper on top. "Did you get cleaned well?" he asked trying not to make the question sound awkward to see the man glare at him. "Okay, I'll just go empty this," he said pulling the bed pan out from under House to see the man quickly pull his pants back up and pull the covers over him. He bit his lip as he started to the door but stopped, "You're going through chemo, it's a hell of a lot of pain and it zaps all your energy and strength, it does it to everyone. You don't have anything to be ashamed of," he said and saw his bosses eyes meet his. "Let me know if you need anything," he finished and closed the door behind him.

1111111111

Wilson walked into House's dark room after relieving the team. He saw Greg watching him as he pulled off his tie, "So, how's your day been? You learn any new surprises about me, like that I use to be a spy or that I'm hooked on crack?" he asked giving him a knowing look.

House's eyes fell to his covers, "Is this a lecture or a conversation?"

Wilson sighed as he started untucking his shirt, "You know what, neither," he said with disappointment. "I mean what's the point, it's not like anything would change and I've always known you were an addict so it's really my fault for not suspecting it." He said as he put on a tee shirt and swallowed, "It just hurts that you don't trust me but that isn't new either so... I give up. You don't need the stress of a fight and I'm tired of expecting something I'm never going to get from you."

House swallowed some bile that had been trying to work it's way up his throat for the last hour from the pain and looked up at James. "I don't smoke it everyday or anything, just when... things get to be too much and I need slow down my brain. I didn't do it to hurt you."

"You don't get it, it's not about what you did as much as it is about you not telling me about it," he said sitting down on the bed beside Greg noticing the sweat and worn features of him.

House scoffed as he trembled under the covers in pain, "Yeah, you say that but if you'd found out that I was the leader of a church youth group I don't think you'd be acting this way," he said looking in James's eyes.

"Actually I would," Wilson said raising his voice some and then took a deep breath, "let's leave this alone, I don't want to fight with you. How's your pain?"

"It's... manageable," House said with a slight pause. He didn't want to lie to James but he also didn't want to disappoint him or worst be accused of lying about his pain to get drugs.

Wilson smiled a little, "You're sure?"

It was the first smile House had seen on James since he'd come in and there was nothing in the world worth more than that. He nodded and leaned in to kiss him but James pulled back from him.

"Hey, just because I'm not fighting with you doesn't mean I'm going to reward you. You know the drill you can't have any dessert before you've eaten your dinner," he said standing up and walking over to get the out a pouch. "Yummy," he said with a sympathetic glance at House as turned on the light and looked back at him. It made his stomach clench to see bad the treatment was hitting Greg, but he put on a smile because it was his job to be strong for him. He emptied the container in Greg's feeding tube and then grabbed some things from the duffel bag. "Here," he said softly putting some Carmex on Greg's cracked lips, "now tilt your head back," he said putting in eye drops. Wilson ran his fingers through Greg's hair then kissed him gently on the lips. "Did you get any rest today?" he asked.

"Not much," House answered tiredly and pulled at James some, who gave him a knowing smile and got in bed beside him. He wrapped his arm around James warm chest and sunk into him face first, just smelling his deodorant and cologne did more to comfort him than all the words in the world.

Wilson held Greg, "Do you feel like telling me what happened with Dr. Henry today?" he asked to feel the man tremble against him and snuggle in deeper.

"I wasn't ever suppose to talk about what he did or admit when I was hurting to anyone," House said with a frown, "and it feels wrong when I do, like...," his voice faded as he didn't really want to finish that thought.

Wilson frowned as he thought about what had been said. _I wasn't ever suppose to... admit when I was hurting to anyone_, the sentence hit him like a ton of brinks as he looked at the top of his lovers head and he felt sick as Dr. Roberts words rang in his mind. _Any other patient would be screaming their heads off already about the pain, but he's too fucking proud to say anything and you know it! He was right, you're treating him differently because he's admitted to you that he was an addict._ Wilson took in a deep breath, "What did he say would happen if you said anything?"

"He'd hurt me or my mom even more. Once I admitted to the school nurse that I was in some pain and depressed; it got back to him... I couldn't.. walk for three days," House said in a small broken voice.

Wilson held him tighter, "Greg..." he whispered, "how bad is the pain?" he asked to hear a choked whimper come from the man and tears filled his eyes. "Oh... baby, you don't have to be scared to tell me about the pain. I'm not going to hurt you, ever, okay."

House buried his head in James's chest, "I deserve it. I deserve to be punished. I'm a sucky boyfriend and I was doing the pot, so now I have to be punished. I'm sorry."

Wilson looked down at the bundle in horror and quickly untangled himself from Greg then walked over the IV machine.

"Please, don't put it down any lower... I don't know if I can handle it. I'll be better. I promise," Greg begged.

Wilson felt tears fall as he started punching in numbers on it, "I'm not lowering it, I'm increasing your morphine," he said and looked at Greg. "Jesus, I thought you'd tell me if the pain was getting to be too much, that's the only reason I'd been keeping it lower, not to punish you. Greg, I love you, I don't ever want to HURT you."

House looked at him with shock, "But I... was bad... I deserve," his words were cut off by a kiss from James.

"I'm not your father, and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't be honest with me about your pain but, Greg, I would never try to make you suffer in pain because of a fucking disagreement! Never, and I need you to know that," Wilson said adamantly.

House looked up at James with such relief it bordered on ecstasy as the morphine kicked in and his pain subsided, "I love you and I'm going to show you just how much," he said with a drunken smirk as he pulled James closer by hooking two finger in the front of his pants.

It took Wilson's mind a couple of seconds to catch up to the complete switch in directions as he felt Greg undoing his pants. He shook his head, "Greg, you're tired, you don't need to do this," he said pulling back some.

House smirked up at him, "But you deserve it, you have no idea how much better I feel. Thank you, Dr. Wilson," he said with a wolfish smile as he pushed James's pants down.

Wilson's brow furrowed, "Wait, you don't think you owe me this, right?"

"No," House said looking up at him with big appreciative eyes, "I know I owe you a lot more but I didn't think you wanted to do that here," he said with a smile.

Wilson's stomach dropped as he looked down at Greg. Greg didn't understand how sick he was emotionally and it scared him. Greg thought he owed him sexual gratification for relieving him of pain, that he'd caused. "I'm not really up for anything now, maybe later," he said trying to smile at him.

"Okay," House said a little confused, "are you sure, because I'm really okay now. I can do a blow-job or hand-job, which ever you want or both," he said honestly.

It broke Wilson's heart, "Yeah, I'm sure. Let's just watch some TV for a bit, it's been a long day," he said changing into some pajama bottoms.

"You should order a pizza," House said laying down in the bed, "I'm starving."

Wilson smiled as he watched Greg sleep. This had been one of the best nights he'd had in weeks. They'd just eaten pizza and watched TV it had been simple and normal and Wilson wasn't surprised when he'd fallen a sleep quickly after the stressful day. He just prayed for more days like this.

House woke himself up snoring and looked up at James, "You look cute when you're thinking probably because you always look so confused," he said sitting up some to give James a kiss.

Wilson kissed him back softly and was surprised by the need Greg put into the kiss, when they parted he was confused as to what the kiss had meant.

"Just like that," House said with a smirk as he laid on his side resting his right hand on James's hip and started kissing him again.

Wilson gasped in air as they broke off from the second kiss, "What brought this on?" he asked putting a hand on Greg's to keep it from going down the front of his pants.

House gave him a sexy smile, "I'm horny and wanted to watch a cute guy cum hard, but since I don't have any porn I have to make do with what I have," he said pinching James's ass.

"Ouch," Wilson with a jerk and looked back in House's dialated eyes, "but you can't 'enjoy' yourself like I can, I'd feel guilty."

House shook his head at James absently, "You think too much, and I've already told you I do get something out of it when I make you all hot and bothered." He said moving his hand down the front of James's pants, "Don't make me hack the internet so I can watch porn when this is so much better," he said rubbing his hand over the hardening penis, "cum for me," he whispered in James's ear.

Wilson groaned at the sensation of the whispers along with the hand-job he was receiving, "God I want to touch you," he said between heavy breathing.

House kissed James's neck to feel him respond by thrusting in his hand. He laughed against the neck while pumping the cock harder and heard a deep moan leave the man then he grazed his teeth harshly on the throat and James pulled his head back only to dip it slightly and collide with his lips in a needy lustful kiss. House could feel his own penis hardening and a slight pain that came with it but he didn't care.

Wilson massaged Greg's tongue with his and widened his legs. When he pulled away to breath he hated the desperate high pitched sounds each stoke of Greg's hand was forcing out of him. He tried to close his mouth to keep the noise down and felt Greg moved his hand down to massage his testicles slowly. He opened his eyes to see Greg watching him with lust, "I hate not being able to touch you right now," he said with one hand gripping the back of Greg's neck while the other one was gripping a fist full of the covers.

House threw the covers off the bed to see James look at him surprise as the cool air hit his genitals. He looked down at the hard dick that was in his moving hand again and back up at James taking in his open dark pink lips, blushed cheeks, warm dark eyes and bushy eye brows. "You're so beautiful," he said softly.

Wilson swallowed as his eyes watered, "So are you."

House gave a sad broken laugh at that, "No, no I'm not, but at least I can make you feel good and you don't know what that means to me too know I can spread something besides misery," he said as he tightened his grip and slowed down his pace.

"OOOhhhh... you're an.. ahhh... idiot fo... ohhhh.. for listening... mmmm... to me," Wilson said between moans of need.

House leaned close to Jame's ear since he knew it was on of his spots and sucked on his ear lobe to feel the man thrust in his hand more and groan deeply. "Say my name," he whispered in a husky voice.

"GREG," Wilson moaned loudly with his eyes closed not even considering where they were.

"That's right," House said softly. "Do you want to cum for me, huh?" he asked moving his hand to rub the hard penis instead of pumping it in his fist.

"Y..Yes," Wilson said in a desperate voice opening his eyes to see Greg deep blue eyes on his.

House kissed him deeply then spit in his hand and started working the cock over for all he was worth. He heard as James's pants turned to moan which turned in to desperately needy gargles. "Give it to me, James," he said between his own pants and suddenly James body went completely stiff as his wide eyes locked on his. House licked his lips moving his other hand to squeeze and pull on James's balls.

Wilson cam hard grunting deeply with each shot of thick white seaman as the last load left him he shuttered in tired ecstasy looking down to see his cum on Greg's shirt.

House swallowed wishing he didn't have the stupid catheter in him. "How did it feel?" he asked softly.

"House are you …." Foreman asked opening the door but the sentence stopped in his throat as he saw the cover fly back over Wilson and House, who were in the same bed.

House's wide eyes met Foreman's and he swallowed forcing himself to relax. "Yeah, Wilson was helping me with my catheter, pulled it out some in my sleep." He said trying to sound casual.

Foreman chewed on that in his mind some, it would explain the loud grunts he'd heard when he was walking down the hall and why Wilson might be in the bed, but for some reason it didn't seem right. He looked to see the back of Wilson's neck and ears were red hot and figured if what House had said was true then Wilson wouldn't be hiding his face. Foreman frowned as he walked all the way in the room letting the door close behind him. "Right," he said sarcastically, "so what's really going on here?" he asked seriously to see House look at Wilson as if trying to figure out what to say. Foreman sighed rolling his eyes, "Come out with it, one of you hit the other one or did your leg start acting up, what?"

"Yes," both Wilson and House said at the same time.

Foreman's brow furrowed as he walked over to foot of the bed, "Yes to which one?" he asked with an arched eyebrow and before they could answer he pulled off the covers to his horror.

Wilson all but buried himself in the bed and pillow while House pulled the cover back over them and glared at Foreman. "You had no right to do that!"

Foreman was still as a statue except for his quickly blinking eyes as he tried to processes what he'd seen.

House looked down at James and sighed softly, "Hey, it's okay," he said gently running a hand through the brown hair. "James, you don't have to hide, neither one of us do."

Foreman looked up to see House being... loving toward... Wilson. He just stood in stunned silence.

Wilson jerked away as Greg tried to wrap his arms around him and looked at him with tear filled eyes. "This is so embarrassing, I'll never beable to walk in this hospital again," he said with trembling lips and pained eyes.

House pulled back some stiffing his back, "Because you were caught with me?" he asked tried to keep his voice level.

Wilson shook his head as his hand touched the side of Greg's face even though he pulled back from it some. "No, Greg, it's not like that. It's got nothing to do with you. I've told you that I'm not ashamed of you and I meant it, it's just... this is a pretty awkward situation."

"Shit," Foreman finally said realizing that it was exactly what it looked like and narrowed his eyes on Wilson who was now looking at him. "How could you?" he asked with a scowl.

Wilson suddenly pulled up his pants and jumped out of the bed. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?" he spat in a dangerously low voice. "How could I be with HIM you mean," he said walking up to Foreman with fire in his eyes. Foreman began to open his mouth but Wilson continued before he could. "Greg is a good man, whether you can see it or not. He's a better man than I am, a better man than you'll ever be, and you don't have any room to judge him or me!" Wilson growled.

Foreman blinked in surprise by the statement and shook his head some, this just kept getting weirder. "I was talking about you treating him when you're in a relationship with him. You finding love in House isn't anything I want to know or think about anymore than I can help. Hell after this I'm going to go to the bar and try very VERY hard to forget about as much of this as is humanly possible."

"Oh," Wilson said deflating some.

"He's the only one I trust to treat me. I asked him," House said to see Foreman look at him with disappointment. "I knew he wouldn't be able to say no to me with the needy shine of cancer on me, so I asked knowing I wasn't really giving him a choice. I know it's stupid, but he's the only one I trust."

Foreman sighed sadly knowing what House was saying was true and even understanding it. "How long do you expect this to go unnoticed and have you even thought about how much trouble Wilson will be in once it comes out in the open?" he asked House.

House looked to Wilson, "That's why I wanted to keep it private."

"Hey, when I said I wanted to tell people this isn't what I had in mind," Wilson said back to Greg.

Foreman shook his head harder, "You two are both idiots," he said moving toward the door.

"Eric," House called assertively to see the man stop and look at him, "if you're going to rat us out then at least give me a heads up," he said seriously.

Foreman glanced at both of them, "Like I said, I'm going to try to forget this ever happened. If you two being together gets around it wont be because of me. If you want to risk your life," he said looking at House, "and your careers," he said looking to Wilson, "for this, then I'm not going to stop you." He said but his eyes narrowed on Wilson some, "You know he's the one with more on the line here, right? You better be damn careful," Foreman said and with that he left.

Wilson swallowed as he looked back at Greg hoping that he was doing the right thing. "You think he'll keep quiet?"

House nodded, "Foreman is a dick, but he's a honest dick."

Wilson walked over to the duffel bag getting out a clean shirt for Greg and handing it to him. He watched as Greg got out of the dirty one and pulled on the new one and something popped in his mind. "When you were asking how it felt, was that meant to be retorical?"

House swallowed as he looked in James's eyes, "No," he answered softly.

Wilson's brow scrunched up in confusion, "Um.. well, it felt good."

"Good?" House asked, "your ejaculation was good how? I mean could you pinpoint some emotions?"

Wilson shook his head trying to think about it and shrugged some. "I don't know, it felt great," he said looking at House to see the man still waiting for more, "I felt loved and wanted and needy and gratified and so much more. I felt relaxed and happy and comfortable... you know, like everyone feels during and after the release of an orgasm." He said shyly looking back at Greg to see the man looking sad and then he stopped answering the question and thought about why anyone would ask such a thing. "Greg, how do you feel during and after an ejaculation?"

House looked down, "There's something wrong with me," he said with clentched teeth staring at his blurry hands.

Wilson felt a cold sick feeling hit him at the soft low tone of his voice, "Greg?"

"I'm tired. I should get some rest," House said unable to look at James because then he'd see the tears in his own eyes.

Wilson watched Greg ball himself up to face the opposite way of him and swallowed hard. "I love you," he said to the ball of cover.

"Love you too," House choked out wiping his eyes even though the cover was pulled over his face.

It killed Wilson to know Greg was crying under those covers and that there was nothing he could do to stop it. He turned away and put the shirt in the dirty clothes bag he'd brought and walked to the lump of covers that was Greg, "Hey, I'm going to get something from my office. I'll be back soon though, okay?" He saw the covers move in a slight nod.

When Wilson got back to Greg's room he crawled completely under the covers to see Greg watching him. He'd expected as much since he'd had a three hour nap after dinner and it still wasn't midnight. "Hi, you feel like getting some fresh air?" he asked.

House sighed, "No, because if we do you're going to try and make me feel better, which means you'll get disappointed when it doesn't work and I'll feel bad for disappointing you again."

Wilson's lip twitched, "Fair enough. What if we fix that? What if I promise not to give you any pep talks and then I wont be expecting you to feel better and neither one of us has to be disappointed?"

House watched him carefully, "Seriously, I don't want any forced positivity rammed down my throat."

"No ramming things down your throat, I think I can handle that," Wilson said with a smirk.

House's eyes twinkled a little at the double innuendo, "Okay," he said simply and pulled the cover back sitting on the edge of the bed. James got out and pulled the wheelchair to the side of the bed and quickly hooked everything up to it. House put his left leg on the ground putting some weight on it and then his right, both were sore but his right leg had a scream of pain lash up it as he quickly sat down in the wheelchair. House followed James who went out on his balcony and he looked out into the night sky. The stars were out, as much as they ever could be with the pollution of the city and a nice cool breeze passed. He waited patiently, he didn't want to talk but he knew James would eventually say something, it was in his nature.

Wilson looked out into the night too, letting the time tick away. After fifteen minutes of silence he pulled a joint from his pants pocket and lit it with a match.

House looked up at James in shock then frowned. He hoped this wasn't another lecture about the pot.

Wilson took a good puff and held it for several seconds before blowing out the smoke and he could feel his body reacting as his muscles loosened up. "You want one?" he asked casual like they did this all the time.

House shook his head sharply, "No, the pain is manageable now."

Wilson took another drag, "Suit yourself," he said with a shrug as he sat on the barrier wall between Greg and his balconies.

House glanced up at James to see him take another puff, "I've done this to you, haven't I?"

Wilson rolled his eyes looking back at Greg, "No, you haven't. As I remember you advised against us dating and you gave me the choice of taking you on as a patient, you didn't demand it. Plus, it isn't your fault I'm a worrier, that's the Jew in me."

House was quiet for a couple of minutes, "If I said yes to the joint, would you be mad at me?"

"No, it was stupid for me to get mad in the first place. You've shared a lot of stuff with me, things a lot harder to talk about than some marijuana and it was my own fault you felt you couldn't talk to me about it, also considering I just smoked a joint that was prescribed to you I can't talk." Wilson said giving Greg a soft smile.

"Light me up," House said looking back out at the stars. He took a deep drag off the joint and closed his eyes, holding it in and then slowly let it out. He licked his lips as it started working it's magic on relaxing him some. "It doesn't feel bad during, just afterwords," he said into the night and waited for James to respond but he didn't. House glanced at him to see James staring out at the night too and he swallowed, "I didn't tell you because I didn't want it to make you not want to be with me. It's not just you either, everyone I've been with it was that way, even Stacy. It feels great, until it's over, then it gets bad and I feel sick."

Wilson glanced at Greg, "Sick how?" he asked with concerned brown eyes.

"Nauseous, I usually end up vomiting," House said taking another drag avoiding James eyes, he didn't want to see pain or doubt in them.

Wilson swallowed at that, "We'll work through it," he said confidently because even if he wasn't sure how yet, he knew that what they had was worth finding a way.

House looked up at him with skepticism, "You still want to be with me?"

"Do you still want me to bring you to climax?" Wilson asked back gently with a little hope but not too forceful.

"Yes," House said answered watching James, "being with you is worth the discomfort afterwords. What we share together is worth everything, it's the only time I'm happy."

Wilson smiled at that, "Then of course I want to be with you."

House took another long drag and sighed, "Fuck you," he said with slight frustration.

Wilson blinked at that looking back at Greg wondering what he did wrong, "What?"

House scoffed out a laugh, "You manipulative bitch, you made me feel better anyway." James smiled widely at that as they looked into the night.


	42. Chapter 42: All my X's

Wilson woke to his alarm going off and quickly grabbed his phone to silence it then looked over to his right to find the bed empty. He sat up with panic to see Greg sitting at his desk in his wheelchair looking through patient files.

"Did you sleep good?" House asked flipping a page in the file.

Wilson got out of the bed, "I was about to ask you the same thing," he said as he started taking off his pajamas.

"Best night I've had in weeks," House said.

Wilson smiled, "I'm glad to hear it, same goes for me. What are you looking at?" he asked as he started getting dressed.

"A patient file," House said studying a page with interest as he made a note on the side of a piece of paper. James got dressed and walked up behind him to look over his shoulder. "Do you want me to stop," he asked glancing over his shoulder at James with his spectacle on the end of his nose.

Wilson refused to let Greg see how much of an effect he had on him with those handsome glasses because he'd be wearing them all the time and he'd be fucked. "No, just don't overdue it."

There was a knock on the door and both of them looked at each other with confusion. "You had the team come in on Sunday?" House asked.

"No," Wilson answered, "I told them to take off since I don't have any patients today."

"You told me to knock, now is anyone going to open the door?" Cuddy said in frustration outside the door.

"I didn't think she came in on Sundays," Wilson said making his way to the door.

"You know it's possible that she just came in to check on me, her cancer ridden friend," House with some irritation in his voice.

"Yeah like she did all of those other times," Wilson said sarcastically but softly to keep Cuddy from over hearing now that he was at the door.

Confusion and hurt touched House at his words, "We weren't really that close before."

Wilson frowned at that and opened the door putting on a warm false smile. "Cuddy, what a pleasant surprise."

Cuddy gave him a odd smile, "Yeah, can't imagine us running into each other here. It's not like we both work here or have a sick friend to take care of," she said and her smile widened as she looked around to spot House at the desk. It looked good to see him with his glasses on looking at files, it felt normal. "You look great! How are you feeling?"

House shrugged, "A little muscle weakness and some aches, other than that I'm just hungry," he said eying the bag she had with her, "and you look absolutely scrumptious." He said with a charming smile as he took in her tight red shorts, wide black belt, and the loose black and cream blouse that hung so low he could see the lace of her cream bra.

Cuddy blushed as she rolled her eyes, "Here you pig," she said tossing the bag at him. "I don't see how you put up with him, Wilson, he's a dog."

"That's why he bitches so much," House answered with a mouth full of breakfast burrito to which Cuddy smirked.

Wilson gritted his teeth some under his closed smile. He knew he shouldn't be jealous by Greg's comment towards Cuddy or irritated by what he'd said about him, but he was. It bothered him because Greg had always had feeling for Cuddy and even if he played off his desire for her in lewd comments like he'd always done it bothered him especially now that they'd gotten closer. It also bothered him because he knew it would be easier on Greg if he were with Cuddy instead of him, being with her wouldn't remind him of the rapes or his fathers physical abuse. "Yeah, I can't imagine where I picked up such a bad habit," he said trying to sound lighthearted as he looked to Greg.

House pretended to be confused, "Me either, probably from your ex-wives," he said eating the rest of the burrito.

"I thought I'd come in and give you a break," Cuddy said looking to Wilson. "I know how hard he can be to handle, so let me stay with him today and tonight. That way you can go home and relax some, get a good nights rest so you'll ready for the next day."

Wilson didn't like the idea and looked to Greg.

"Sound's like a good idea." House said confidently, "I know that all of this has to be wearing on you and you never get a break. This might be a first for me... but she's right. You need to get away and take some time for yourself."

Wilson gave Cuddy fake smile, "That's really nice of you to offer, but I can't ask you to give up your time."

Cuddy smiled warmly, "You aren't, I'm insisting. Now go and enjoy yourself."

Wilson looked at Greg, "Are you okay with this?" he asked wanting the answer to be no.

House nodded, "Look right now I'm feeling pretty good and I'm fine with you taking off for a day but in a month or maybe even weeks I might not be. Personally, I think you should take it while it's being offered and I'm okay with it, but you don't have to go if you don't want to." He said holding James's hand.

Wilson hated how considerate and reasonable Greg was being because it didn't leave him a reason to stay. "I guess I could go home and get things cleaned up," he said squeezing Greg's hand.

"Try not to do to much work, it's suppose to be a break," Cuddy said with gentle concern and then snatched the burrito that House had been unwrapping and handed it to him.

"I was going to eat that," House protested.

"I bought it for Wilson, you already ate yours and last time you over stuffed yourself it didn't go well," Cuddy said as if speaking to a child while he stuck out his tongue at her.

Wilson took a bite of the burrito, "Mmm, this is really good," he said innocently to her as Greg glared at him. When Wilson was finished with the breakfast he started packing up the dirty clothes, "Thanks for the breakfast, Cuddy." Wilson said as he walked to the door with the bag in hand then looked to Greg, "Anything you want me to bring back?"

House thought about it, "Some of those wonderful macadamia pancakes would be good, and medical journals. Oh," he said with a gleam in his eyes, "and my acoustic guitar!"

Wilson couldn't help the smile that the excitement in Greg's voice elicited from him. "So you can play loudly and be rude when people stick there heads in to see what's going on in here?" he asked with knowing eyes.

"See, that's why I love you, you understand me on a level few can comprehend," House said with a wolfish smile.

Wilson shook his head still smiling, "That's why I'm not bringing you the guitar."

House's eyes became big and sad as his bottom lip pushed out, "But it makes me happy, don't you want me to be happy, James," he said grabbing the bottom of Wilson's light green shirt and giving a soft pull.

Wilson moved closer to him; he knew Greg was just playing on his emotions but that didn't make it any less effective. "You're such and ass," he said as he leaned down and kissed him.

House smirked at their parting, "And you're so easy," he said wagging is eye brows, "which probably has a lot to do with why I'm with you, rrawwhh," he said with playfully making a clawing motion toward James's butt.

"I might bring the guitar," Wilson said with a wolfish grin of his own to Greg then opened the door and looked at Cuddy indicating with a tilt of his head for her to follow.

Cuddy got up, "I'll be right back," she said to House as she followed him out closing the door behind her. She followed him into his office, "What is it?" she asked with curiosity.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'll be back up here tonight. I started thinking about it and there really isn't anywhere for you to sleep with the room so full the cot wont fit in it and someone needs to be in the room with him," Wilson said with hollow remorse.

"Oh I wasn't going to sleep on that cot and twist my back up for the next three day. I already thought about that, that's why I was just going to sleep in the bed with him," Cuddy explained.

Wilson's eyes became intense on her, "What?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Cuddy looked at him with confusion, "Is that a problem?" she asked noticing his hostile body language.

Wilson looked a her like she was an idiot, "Um... yeah, it kind of is," he said shaking his head as he started picking up thing to take home.

Cuddy finally got it, "Oh, you've got to be kidding me, you really think somethings going to happen," she said finding it ridiculous.

Wilson gritted his teeth, "I don't know and neither do you!" He said harshly, "He's been flirting with you for years and you'd never do more than tease him but now that he's in a relationship you think it's fine to crawl up in bed with him."

"I didn't tease him," she said back sharply.

"Oh, God, you can't be that dumb," he said rolling his eyes. "He's wanted you for years, everyone could see that and you kept on wearing your short skirts with those low cut tight blouses," he said looking her up and down as if to emphasize his point, "but when he asked you out on a date you turned him down quicker than the transplant board on a 76 year old alcoholic."

Cuddy glared at him, "Nothing is going to happen, nothing happen when we shared a bed while you were off trying to figure out why you beat the crap out of him or the night you were off fucking your ex-wife."

Wilson's eyes widen, "You've shared a bed with him before?"

Cuddy's mouth opened in shock as she realized he didn't know about their past. "I thought he told you," she said seriously.

"Well, he didn't," he said as he tried to push the doubt out of his mind. "Listen, just because you don't have feelings for him doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you and being with me doesn't change that."

She sighed softly, "James, he loves you and honestly I don't think anyone else in the world exists to him compared to you. Also neither one of us knows how he really feels about me but I don't want anything with him like that," she said but in her head she added 'not while he's with you'.

Wilson looked at her with soft brown eyes, "You're probably right, it just..." he ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "you're perfect for him in so many ways and I'm... I'm not." He shrugged with a sad frown, "I'm a man and men scare him but you," he said gesturing to her with an open hand, "you're a beautiful woman, someone he could be intimate with and not trigger his PTSD or flashbacks and damit," he said slamming his hand on his desk, "you're good with him." He hated how perfect she was for him and how imperfect he was.

Cuddy felt guilt hit her hard, he deserved to know about House and her but she also knew it should come from him. "I'm not that perfect, if you remember I'm the reason he'll never walk again."

"Yeah, I'm just going to be the guy that kills him," he said swallowing hard as he looked in her eyes.

She shook her head, "No, if he dies it will be the cancer that killed him not you."

11111111111

Cuddy walked back in Houses room to find him watching TV as he sat dressed on top of his hospital bed. Her teeth clenched tight as she looked at him sitting there just liked she'd found him a million times in other peoples room when he was suppose to be doing his clinic duty. "You never told him about us," she said with irritation.

House laughed at a joke on the show and shrugged, "It's none of his business," he said casually to her, "you can do so much better Diana," he said to the TV.

"You LIED to him!" she screeched.

He glanced her direction, "No I didn't, he's never asked. Now if you don't mind I'm trying to watch my soaps," he said looking back at the TV.

Cuddy marched over to the bed and turned it off, "You can watch as much as you want after we're done talking."

House rolled his eyes, "What's your problem? What I tell him is my business, why do you even care?"

"Because he has a right to know," she said with confidence as she stood tall.

He's eyes narrowed on hers as they became more intent, "Maybe but that's not why you care," he said with certainty.

Cuddy's shoulders slumped slightly, "Why didn't you tell him about us?"

House licked his lips, "It's... embarrassing that's why," he said honestly in a softer voice.

She scoffed as she looked at the ceiling and back down at him with disgust, "You're embarrassed! If anyone here should be embarrassed it's me. The person you slept with became the youngest female hospital administrator. The person I slept with is a self loathing jackass who's honest about everything but himself, an egotistical doctor who clings to his work because the rest of his life is so pathetic that he can't even hang on to his one friend unless he guilt trips him into staying with cancer!"

He watched her with cold eyes behind an unmoving mask, "Then I guess I did you a favor keeping it quiet."

Cuddy shook her head, "You're pathetic, not me, and if you don't tell him I will."

House's eye twitched some, "But wont that hurt your precious reputation have been stupid enough to fuck a pathetic loser like me?!"

She rolled her eyes, "There you go with the self pity. I never said I was embarrassed of you, you said that about me."

"No **I** didn't, I said I was embarrassed not that I was embarrassed of you," he said back curtly.

Cuddy blinked at him with confusion as she thought about that, "But... then what do you have to be embarrassed about?"

House's eyes left hers as he swallowed, "I was twenty-five and it was my first time," he said staring at his hands. "If I had told him... he would have gotten curious why I waited and I... I didn't want to explain that."

Her mouth opened in silent awe as she started to understand, "There's nothing wrong with waiting," she said tenderly.

His wet eyes met her, "I didn't wait because of religion, I waited because of what they did to me. I waited because I wanted it to be with someone..." he stopped talking an shook his head.

"Greg, what we shared meant something to me too," Cuddy said softly as she touched his cheek.

House pulled back, "No it didn't, I'm just a pathetic jackass!"

"No you're not! I only said that because I thought you were ashamed of being with ME," she said with regret. "I cared about you, you meant something and always will."

He looked up at her, "He would have asked questions. I didn't want to tell him how scared I'd been or that you undressed me or that I cried because it was the first time it didn't hurt."

Cuddy tried not to think about how blue his eyes were or how her body responded to his words, "He's jealous and afraid something will happen between us," she said with concern of her own as her heart speed up.

House's eyes widened on hers, "You told him!" he barked as his heart rate increased and the machine beeped. "All I wanted was to hold on to this little spot of happiness for as long as I could and like an idiot you listened to Jimmy's self doubt and got your some of your own so you decided to fuck up the only good thing I've had in close to a decade!"

"No, I didn't tell him anything!" She yelled in panic as she looked at the machine and back to him. "You need to calm down."

"If you didn't tell him then he'd have no reason to be jealous, you're just not going to tell me you told him so I won't have a heart attack," he said with calculating eyes as his heart rate continued to rise.

"You're right, if I'd told him I would still say I didn't if it kept you from dying, but I'm not lying! Look at me," Cuddy said staring at him, "I'm not lying and if I had told him do you really think he would have left us here ALONE!"

House thought about that, "No, he and me would be having a long and awkward conversation."

She gave him a forced smile, "Exactly, I didn't tell him," she said again.

He swallowed, "But then why is he jealous?" he asked as his heart rate slowed to a normal range and the beeping stopped.

Cuddy couldn't believe he didn't understand why Wilson might be jealous but as she looked at him she could tell he was truly baffled. "Because you make sexual jokes with me and... I'm a woman," she said to see his eyes dart up to hers in only more confusion. "He thinks... that intimacy wouldn't be as hard for you with a woman as man considering what's happened to you."

House thought about it and frowned, "No, that's not it, at least not all of it," he said with a sigh. "I've always made lewd jokes to you and he knew from the very beginning sex was going to take time."

She chewed her lip some as she thought about what he'd said, "So, why do you think he's jealous?"

"Because he thinks I would cheat," he said seriously slight bitterness, "because he cheats, but there is an upside," he said looking up at her.

"What?" Cuddy asked.

"It wouldn't bother him if he didn't care or think this could work out," House said as if obvious.

She nodded, "Well now that we know why he's jealous maybe it's time we talk about the legitimacy of it. I'm... beginning to wonder if we should be such close friends considering our past."

House shrugged, "Why shouldn't we?"

Cuddy blushed, "We've had sex and it meant something to both of us."

"That's a good thing right, I mean if it was meaningless then wouldn't that be worse?" He asked looking at her.

She swallowed, "We have feelings for each other that go beyond platonic," she reasoned.

"True, but I still don't see a problem," House answered.

"How do you not? You're a bright man can't you see that us being in this position could lead to … something," Cuddy said with some frustration.

"No I don't, I've had feeling for you for the past two decades and one decade with James and nothing happened," he said finding the idea that he'd cheat offensive.

"But he didn't love you back then and I kept my distance to make sure I didn't start feeling some thing more for you, but now... I feel things for you," she said softly with slightly blushed cheeks.

House swallowed, "You don't love me," he said in a deep voice.

Cuddy frowned, "I don't think so, but I like you and I... I'm attracted to you."

"Wow, I must be hot if you're attracted to me even when undergoing chemo," House said trying to lighten the mood. "Look, it's fine because we're not going to act on it."

"When I slept in your bed did it... was it hard or awkward for you?" she asked with concern.

He looked in her eyes, "Yes, it's something I'd been fantasizing about for years. The worse was when I woke up because I was hard and you were nestled against my body but I didn't act on it because we both know it wouldn't work out and I care more about having you in my life than having sex," he said with sincerity.

Cuddy's eyebrows shot up, "Oh... I didn't expect that level of honesty," she said.

"So see, no worries," House said, "except the cancer and getting my boyfriend to realize I won't cheat on him since this cancer thing has made me such a chick magnet."

She chewed on her lip, "But what if I... had a moment of bad judgment and pushed you into cheating?" she asked still concerned.

"I wouldn't let you push me into cheating," he said firmly.

"You don't know that, no one.." Cuddy was cut off by him.

"So, who did you cheat on?" House asked bluntly

"Me," she said shaking her head, "this isn't about me, I'm talking about..."

"You cheated on someone," he said with conviction, "because only someone that cheats think that it's impossible for someone else not to cheat. I haven't loved many people in my life but when I do love someone I don't cheat on them, just like I didn't cheat on Stacy just because she cheated on me. Hell, I had to be conned into my first date with someone else five years after. My record for not having sex is nine years and I know that this will come as a shock to you but I did have offers."

Cuddy shook her head, "It wasn't nine years between the last time you were with Stacy and now with Wilson."

"But it was nine years between our hot night and the day Stacy and I consummated our relationship," House said flatly.

Her eyes widened, "It was just one night," she said softly.

"To you maybe, it was more than that to me and if I wasn't with James then... something might could happen but it's not while I'm with him," he said with a surety in his voice, "just like it didn't at that fund raiser when you got a little too drunk and pulled me into that clinic room."

Cuddy's cheeks flushed red as she remembered it with horror, "Oh god, I thought that was a bad dream!"

House gave her a sympathetic smile, "It wasn't, you got smashed and when Stacy left early you decided you wanted to dance with me, then showed off your skills by pickpocketing my wallet and had me chase you into a clinic room," he said watching as she grimaced at the memory. "From there you put it behind your back and when I grabbed for it you refused to let go so I went with both hands and you dropped it so you could put your hands around my waist and pull me closer. I looked down at you and you kissed that spot on my collarbone that you knew I liked and I pulled back but you wouldn't let go. You kept saying that it was fate and I told you I loved someone else, to which you asked if I loved you." He said with a frown as he remembered how hard it had been for him to hear her ask that question, "I said it didn't matter and you whispered in my ear that you could feel how hard I was and that's when I pushed you away."

She couldn't look him in the face, "Did I really call you wolf in sheep's clothing and ask you to send in a real man?"

"Yeah, it was a fun night," he said sarcastically.

Suddenly something hit Cuddy, "Did you ever tell James about that?"

"No," House answered, "why?"

"Because if you had then maybe you could remind him and he'd realize that you wouldn't cheat on him," she answered with a sigh, "then at least something good could have come from me making a fool of myself. God, you must hate me for that."

"No, until that moment I never knew if I could say no to you about us, now I know I can," he said simply.

Her eyes watered as she knew how hard that had to be to admit, "Well, I'm not going to do that again. You're happy with James and I'm going to try everything I can to help you two succeed." She said with a sniffle and looked him over, "starting with a trim of the beard." In an hour House's shaggy beard had been cut down into a slight scruff, his teeth brushed and his face washed. "Do you want me to cut your hair some, it's getting a little out of control," she asked happy to see him looking more groomed like his old self.

House looked at her and the scissors in her hand and then down to the hair trimmers she's used for his beard. He knew it wouldn't be long before he'd start losing chunks of his hair from treatment and even though he didn't want to buzz all his hair off he knew he'd lose it eventually anyways. "Just use the trimmers," he said giving her a knowing look.

"You haven't started losing it yet, you could still hold on to it for a little longer," Cuddy said gently.

"It's better this way, I don't want to look like I have mange and I think it would be hard on Wilson to do it. It's going to happen sooner or later so I'd really rather just get it done with." He said honestly as he ran a hand back through his untamed hair.

"Alright then," she said turning the trimmer on and grimaced as she started on the side of his head and worked her way to the other side. When she was done she pulled back some and looked a him with a surprised smile, "It actually looks good on you," she said brushing hair off his shoulder.

"Right," he said sarcastically, "I should have done it ages ago, it probable makes me look younger too."

"No, you can see more gray now, but it's that sexy salt and pepper look that women love. I have to say I was afraid that you'd look horrible with it this short but seriously it's kind of sexy," Cuddy said with a smirk as she ran her fingers through the little hair that was there. "I've got a mirror in my bag if you want to look at it," she said temptingly.

House chewed his lips some, "How short is it?"

"Three quarters of an inch. I promise it isn't bad, some how it makes your eyes look more gray blue," she said getting out the mirror and handing it to him.

House took in a deep breath and looked in it. She was right it looked good, as good as any other hair cut looked on him but it was just another reminder that he had cancer. He ran his hand through it and wondered what Wilson would think and if it would look like this when he died. "You'll be there for him when I die, right?"

Cuddy frowned but nodded, "If you die and yes, of course."

"Death is inevitable, it looks good," he said handing her the mirror but he looked at the door as he heard a knock.

Cuddy quickly got up putting things away and opened the door just enough to see Stacy. She was so shocked that she stood there silently blinking at her for a full minute before finally greeting her, "Stacy, how have you been," she asked politely but she really didn't want the woman any where near House after all the pain she'd caused him.

"I'm doing good," Stacy said reading the door again and smiling, "is Greg in?" she asked noticing that Cuddy wasn't making a move to open the door more so she could see in.

Cuddy licked her lips and gave Stacy a sympathetic frown, "He is but he's not really up for company," she said professionally.

Stacy arched an eyebrow, "And yet he's here on his day off with you," she piped back with a smile, "look I get it and I'm over it," she added with a polite smile of her own. "Greg pull your pant's up I'm coming in," Stacy said pushing the door and taking a step by Cuddy but she froze as she saw him. He was on a hospital bed and the memories of his leg surgery hit her hard as her eyes scanned up to see four medical bags hanging above him with tubes going in his arm. He was thinner than she'd ever seen him and she gasped as she noticed the bag of yellow urine attached to the bottom of the bed.

House looked at her with wide eyes, he hadn't expected her and didn't want her seeing him like this, plus he had no idea why she was here. "Stacy," he said slowly watching her with careful eyes.

She shook her head as she tried to think of what to say, "Greg," Stacy said in a sad soft tone.

"What brings you out this way?" he said trying to sound casual but he was irritated and wanted her to quit staring at him like she'd just seen a ghost.

Stacy composed herself as much as she could, "Foreman... he gave me a call, said you needed to do... a... Will," she said with sorrow as it all started to make sense. "Greg, what happened?"

"Oh you know, I decided to get a bout of cancer, all the cool kids are doing it these days," House said with shrug of his shoulder.

"A Will," Cuddy said with a deep frown as she looked at him.

"What stage is it?" Stacy asked with concern.

"Stage four," House said looking at both of them, "and if you call James about this I'm not speaking to either one of you again. You know this needs to be done, Cuddy," he ended looking at her.

Stacy looked to Cuddy with empathy, "Oh God, Lisa, I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is, believe me but if anyone can pull through this it's you."

Cuddy was confused at first and then she shook her head as she began to understand, "We're not together," she said then looked to House, wondering if he would tell her who he was with.

"Oh," Stacy said then looked to House, "then who are you with?"

House shrugged looking away, "Who say's I'm with anyone?" he asked not sure if he was ready to tell her.

Stacy smirked softly at him, "You're not looking me up and down and you look happier than I've seen you in years... which is saying something considering the situation. You're with someone that's really making you happy," she said with a sad smile wishing she could have made him that happy.

"Um, I'll just give you two some time or if you want to take this in the DDX room I'll get the sheets changed," Cuddy said awkwardly.

"We'll go to the DDX room," House announced then look to Stacy, "I'll be in there shortly," he said giving her a knowing look.

Stacy nodded seeing the wheelchair in his room and grimaced slightly as she made her way out.

"Look, I'll get out of here for an hour or so if that's what you want," Cuddy said not really wanting to leave him alone with her but also not wanting to impose herself.

"No," House said a little more sharply then he'd intended and quickly looked away at the wheelchair, "it's okay and the bed needs to be changed there is hair all in it." He didn't want to be left alone with Stacy in case they got into a fight because he knew he couldn't handle things like he used to.

Cuddy was glad he didn't want her to go. She got out one of his liquid meals and handed it to him, "If you get tired talking in there and need a break then just say the word 'stain' and I'll remind you of a new medication you need to take that knocks you out."

House looked up at her with grateful eyes, "Thanks," he said knowingly. "Foreman is a dick by the way, of all the lawyer he could have gotten he picks her just to fuck with me," he said pouring his meal down his feeding tube.

"You know, normal people sometimes would rather work with people they know, especially about touchy subjects like this," Cuddy said understanding that Foreman may have been trying to make this easier on House even it hadn't worked out that way.

"Have I ever struck you as normal?" House asked flatly.

She smirked, "No, never," she said with a small chuckle as she started hooking up all his bags to the wheelchair. "You ready," she asked.

"Yeah," he said getting on the edge of the bed and then in the wheelchair. "Do you think I should tell her about James?" he asked.

Cuddy thought about it, "If you do it needs to be because you want to. You don't owe her anything and who you're with is none of her business but you also don't have anything to be ashamed of. Do what you feel is right," she said reassuringly.

House rolled his eyes, "I didn't ask you to tell me how to make a decision, I've been doing that all my life. I asked what you think I should do."

Cuddy sighed, "I think you should tell her because she's your lawyer and making your Will. I think she needs to understand the relationship you have with Wilson so she handles thing better with him and if she's going to be your regular lawyer it might be better if she knows so that if... if you didn't make it through this cancer she can understand that you wouldn't want Wilson prosecuted." She said hooking up the last of things to his chair.

House had been thinking the same thing and hearing it from her too only reassured him that Stacy needed to know. "That was my thoughts too," he said looking to see everything was attached to the wheelchair, "Let's see how this goes," he said rolling to the door in which Cuddy opened for him and then into the room.

Cuddy let the door close behind him and hoped for the best but was ready for the worse.

Stacy gave him a sad smile, "What's your chances for beating this cancer?" she asked as he rolled up to the DDX table across from her.

"Thirty five percent is average but James has a percentage of fifty." House said said watching her.

"I'm actually surprised he wasn't here with you," Stacy said looking back towards the closed door.

House chewed his lip some, "He has been night and day until this morning when Cuddy came in to give him a break." He said then took a deep breath, "Stacy, he's the one I'm in a relationship with."

Stacy gave him a slightly amused smile, "You don't have to lie to me, Greg."

House looked at her with serious eyes, "I'm not."

She scoffed, "This is ridiculous, you're not with James," she said with confidence.

"And exactly what's so RIDICULOUS about it?" House said raising his voice some.

"He's a man!" Stacy barked back at him.

"Really? Are you sure, I mean with those hips and the cooking it's hard to tell," He said back condescendingly. "Why should that matter, why is it so hard for you to believe I could be happy with a man?"

"Because you were RAPED by MEN!" She yelled loudly to see his face pale as they just watched each other.

Cuddy opened the door, "Is everything alright in here?" she asked House while she glared at Stacy.

"He's fine," Stacy said with annoyance to Cuddy.

Cuddy narrowed her eyes on Stacy as she walked in grabbing House's wrist to check his pulse. "Actually he isn't," she said harshly. "He's on a very tricky cocktail of medications trying to survive this horrible cancer and the last thing he needs is to be anymore stressed out." She frown as she dropped his wrist, "183 over 118," she said with concern.

"I'll calm down," House said still watching Stacy with calculating eyes. "Who told you?"

Stacy looked to Cuddy and suddenly look wounded, "She knows? I was with you for five years and you were with her for a couple of weeks in college and she knows?"

House closed his eyes he still hated seeing her hurt, "It became relevant," he said softly.

"Greg, you need a break," Cuddy said looking down and his shaky hand.

"I can handle this," he said looking up at her and followed his gaze down to his hand which he made a fist with to stop it from trembling.

Stacy too noticed the shaking and grew concerned, "Greg... are you alright?"

Cuddy wanted to yell at Stacy but didn't, "Go back in the room for ten minutes and calm down. I'll catch her up on things, if you want me too."

House looked from Stacy to Lisa, "I'm alright now, check my BP again."

Cuddy grabbed his wrist with a frown and after a minute she sighed, "145 over 100," she said looking at him. "If I hear voices raised again I'm wheeling you out of here whether you like it or not."

"Alright," He agreed.

Cuddy gave Stacy a glare, "Right now you're here as his guest, but if you put his heath at risk again you will be banned from this hospital, do we understand each other."

Stacy didn't like being told what to do, but she knew Cuddy wasn't bluffing, "Yes, I understand," she said back.

Cuddy gave Greg's arm a squeeze before going back in his room and closing the door.

Stacy let out a sigh and looked to Greg, "No one told me. I lived with for years, heard your nightmare and saw scars on your body. I might not be a genius like you but it wasn't that hard to figure out."

House looked down at the desk, "I just figured if you ever found out that you'd leave."

She frowned at his words and his defeated body posture, "No, what happened to you never made me love you any less," she said tenderly.

"It happened again," he said with gritted teeth as he tried not to get too emotional. "A cop who didn't like my bedside manner..." he said taking a break as he tried to think about how to say the rest of it.

"How could someone not like you're bedside manner, you're so sweat and gentle," Stacy said with a smirk as she tried to lighten the mood but she was scared inside to hear the rest of that sentence.

House looked up meeting her eyes and gave her a half smile, "Right," he said and swallowed. "He caught me speeding home one night... and he... and then he kept on..." House closed his eyes and bowed his head.

"Jesus," Stacy said as her heart ached for the man, "Greg, why didn't you call me? I wouldn't have charged you anything and I would have loved to be the one to put him in jail."

House swallowed, "We never went to court," he said softly.

Stacy couldn't believe her ears, "You settled with that piece of shit?"

"No, I never pressed charges," He said looking up at her.

She melted at the self doubt and vulnerability in his eyes as she reached out and brushed his cheek, "You and your damn pride," she said tenderly.

"It wasn't just once. He blackmailed me, said he'd tell James how I felt about him if I didn't let him continue to... to beat and fuck me, so I did until James figured out what was going on." House said looking away from her so he didn't have to see the disappointment there.

Stacy gritted her teeth as she saw him look away with shame and guided his face to look back at her. "Don't you ever be ashamed of what a bastard like that does to you, never," she said firmly as she looked in those bright blue eyes and swallowed as remembered last time she'd look that deeply in those eyes. "So... he makes you happy?"

House pulled back from her touch some as he too remembered the passionate night they'd shared in his bed, "Yeah, it's got it's challenges but I love him."

She gave him a sympathetic smile with concerned features, "How?" she asked but as she saw him pull back more she decided make herself more clear. "He's a sweet man, but he's a man."

"Do you think if you were raped by a man you wouldn't be attracted to them anymore, that you never would have been with me?" He asked as casually as if he asked what kind coffee she liked.

"Well, no, but I've always been attracted to men. If I were raped in some way by a woman though I don't think I'd decide to have a relationship with one just because she was cute and sweet," Stacy answered.

He sighed, "My first crush was on Mr. Jeremy Smith, a teacher at the Military base in Japan. He taught science for the sixth grade class," he said feeling awkward as he wondered how she'd take it.

Her eyebrows rose in understanding, "You always liked men."

House nodded, "and women. The sex of the person as never mattered to me as much as who the person is, but this is my first time actually having a relationship with a man."

"Because of what you went through you were hesitant?" Stacy asked starting to understand.

"I've had feeling for James for years. This isn't a mid-life crisis or something to entertain a curiosity. I gave up the best friend I've ever had for this." He said shaking his head some, "It was probably stupid because there's like a two percent chance this will work but... I wanted to try and be happy again, if that's even possible."

"It is, I could see the difference in you even through the cancer." she said firmly. "You're the most observant man I know, how did you get a stage four cancer without figuring it out?"

House licked his lips building up his courage, "The blackmail with the cop went on for a long time, months actually so if I'd felt any pain I'd have associated it with the beatings."

Stacy looked at him with horror, "God, what were you thinking?" she asked putting a hand on his arm.

"That I didn't want to lose the only person who still cared about me because I didn't want to be completely alone," House said softly.

She felt tears fall down her face, "I still care, I'll always care about you, Greg."

He pulled his arm away from her, "Let's just get this Will over with," he said looking at the table.

Stacy wiped her eyes dry and swallowed, "Do you have any special requests for your funeral?" she asked trying to calm down.

"I want my body to be donated to the hospital for research and the remains that are left cremated and given to James so that he can do what he wants with them," House said flatly.

She frown, "How about a wake or funeral?"

"I don't want anything like that," he said adamantly.

"A funeral is there to help the loved ones deal with the death and share the things they loved about the deceased. If you don't want one at least you can think about James and that he might need that," Stacy said watching him.

House shrugged, "Then I'll leave it up to him."

Stacy nodded as she wrote it down on a piece of paper, "Now we're on to your estate," she said looking up at him.

He looked at the sheet of paper, "Foreman gets all of my research and.." he was cut off by Stacy.

"What? Greg, every hospital in the country is going to be clambering to see your research and you're going to give it all to one man?" she said with skepticism.

"It was his price for sneaking me in a lawyer past James and I keep my promises," House said firmly. "Chase can have one of my guitars and for Cameron she can have all of those warm sweet feeling I never use." Stacy gave him a skeptical look and he gave her a half smile, "There's a piece of music I wrote entitled _Shattered Dreams_, it's hers."

"Were you two together," Stacy asked with curiously.

"Nooo," he said shaking his head, "but she wanted us to be. She thought she was in love with me but she was just drawn to my how broken I am," he answered and coughed. "I have a book that Lisa's grandfather wrote, I want her to have that."

"And her song," she added with a knowing smirk.

House swallowed meeting her eyes again, "Do you want yours?" he asked.

Stacy blushed some and looked down, "Just the one," she said softly, "if you don't mind me having it."

"The one I wrote to propose to you or the first one," he asked keeping the hurt out of his voice.

She couldn't meet his eyes, "The first one. I'm sorry I couldn't.."

"We're both happy now, that's all that matters," House said quickly looking away from her as he felt his body tense.

Stacy noticed the slight difference and knew what it meant. She was making him feel uncomfortable, "Is there any other items you want given to people?"

He relaxed some as she changed the topic back on course, "There will be an old stuffed bear in the back of my closet, it goes to my mother," he said coldly.

She looked at him with curiosity at the bitterness his voice carried, "I didn't think you were allowed to have toys as a child."

House smirked at her with dim eyes, "I wasn't, except the bear. Oma made it for me."

"Your mother's mother," Stacy said thoughtfully. "I thought you liked Oma, why didn't you like the bear?"

"Memories," he said simply.

Stacy swallowed looking down at the paper, "Will your mother want it?"

House stared at her until she finally met her eyes, "It'll be a reminder to her too so she never forgets her little boy. She deserves to remember."

Her skin crawled at the eeriness in his tone, "Any special gift for your... for John?"

His jaw flexed, "I think he's taken enough but there is one thing I want when it comes to him. I don't want him to see me or go to any service for me if Wilson does decide to have a funeral of some sort."

"You mentioned a Living Will," Stacy said slowly with dread in her eyes.

House sighed, "You're not going to guilt me out of this, I'm not James or you or Cuddy. Guilt doesn't work on me."

The corner of her mouth curled up slightly, "If that were true you wouldn't feel the need to discourage me from trying," she said putting her right hand on his. "You might can fool someone else, Greg, but I know your heart, even if you deny having one. If you love him half as much as you loved me then you'd give him anything you could."

He met her eyes, "He'd blame himself if something happened and wouldn't ever let me go. He wouldn't be able to just like you couldn't take the chance of losing me."

Stacy squeezed his hand, "Could you have done it with me or now with James, wouldn't you do anything to save us?"

"If there was something left to save but I either get better or die in this situation and I don't want to be kept alive to suffer a slow death that's inevitable, and that I wouldn't do to either of you wheather it killed me or not." House said his voice ringing with conviction as he looked in her dark brown eyes.

She felt her heart beating against her chest at the love and strength he had. His love had no barriers it was all consuming and she remembered all to well how it had been to at the center of his devotion. There was deep peace in knowing that someone loved you so much that they would accept anything you did and do anything for you with out reservations. Yet there was a quiet nagging in her stomach the whole time she was with him that came with the knowledge that he'd destroy himself for her sake. "What perimeters do you want in the Living Will?"

"No more than a month on live support and if I ever lose my mental capacity then a DNR. I also want it noted that under no circumstances do I want James to be sued, charged, or other wise held legally responsible for my decline in health or death." He said with certainty even though he saw her hesitation at writing it down. "I don't care if he makes a mistake I don't want him investigated about me."

Stacy's eyes grew as suspicion hit her, "Why?" she asked.

"I trust him," House said with weight.

_Stacy took a deep breath before opening the door. It was dark in the apartment with the exception of the TV in the living room and a dim light coming from the bedroom. She put her purse on the table, her briefcase by the door and the foam containers of food on the counter then made her way to the bedroom but the bed too was empty. Her heart stopped as she turned on the lights to be sure but the room was empty. Maybe he'd finally left her, decided he couldn't accept the life she'd forced him into by having Cuddy cut out his dead muscle. She felt tears fall, she'd never wanted him to be in the amount of pain he was in but she hadn't been able to sit beside him and watch him die. He'd been devastated when he woke up after the surgery and screamed at her until he'd either lost his voice or her hearing had failed, she wasn't sure which and she'd thought that had been the worse of it but she'd been wrong. He didn't yell anymore after that day, hell he hardly spoke to her anymore and she wasn't inconvenienced with having to help him because he didn't let her touch him either. He was pulling away from her and it was killing her. She wiped her eyes and walked in the bathroom turning on the light to see him in the bathtub with his back against the wall and his hands over his leg._

_Greg gave her a concern look, "I'll be out in a couple of minutes, if you don't mind," he said with a frown as he studied her face._

"_I could help," she said hopefully._

_His eye lowered, "I'd rather you not," he said with a bowed head._

_She felt her heart break a little more, "Okay," she said in all but a whisper and left. She turned on the light and put the containers on the table, his in the space without a chair. It was half an hour later before he rolled in dressed and looked at the food. "I stopped by the Indian restaurant you like, did I get the wrong thing?"_

"_No, just don't have much of an appetite," Greg said flatly and ate a bite._

_The time ticked by and after twenty minutes of him eating five bites and her only eating twice that she'd had enough, "The pain killers could help and if you weren't in so much pain then you might be able to eat more."_

"_I said no," Greg said in a firm tone with gritted teeth._

"_Why?" She asked as she instinctively reached out to his hand._

_He pulled his hand back from hers, "I'm not talking about this."_

"_You're not talking about anything!" She said loudly disrupting the tense silence. "Just say something to me, yell at me for Christ sakes."_

"_Thought you didn't believe in Christ," Greg said without emotion._

_She shook her head, "Do you hate me?" she asked afraid of his answer._

"_No," he said honestly._

_She looked back at him with surprise, she'd been sure the answer would be yes. "Then why won't you let me touch you?"_

_He sighed deeply, "I love you, Stacy, I just don't trust you."_

_She blinked at him as she tried to process what he'd said. "I cheated on you and you didn't act like this."_

"_I never expected to have control over your body, just that you'd let me have control over mine," he said with moist eyes._

_She felt a knot in her throat, "I saved your life."_

"_My father said the same thing," he said and rolled away from the table._

Stacy looked away, "Trust is important," she said with regret for what she'd lost. "Greg, it still isn't safe to have him as your doctor and if you use your relationship with him to make him do something he'll regret it won't be fair to him."

House glared at her as he figured out what she thought his intentions were, "I'm not going to ask him to kill me. I wouldn't do that to him."

"There were times you asked me to," she said with sorrow lifting her head to meet his eyes.

"Never seriously, only in times the pain got too bad out of desperation," he said seriously.

Stacy nodded, "Then why don't you want him investigated if something goes wrong?"

"Because it wont matter if he makes a mistake, it won't undo it and I don't want to cause him anymore pain than I have to, especially in death. He's been to good to me even when I didn't deserve his loyalty he was there for me." House said as guilt over his disregard for the position he'd put his best friend and lover in. "If I wasn't a selfish bastard I'd never have asked him to be my doctor and if he wasn't the best hearted man I know he'd have said no, even now I'm taking advantage of him."

"I remember a wise man once told me that a person can only be taken advantage of as long as they allow it." She said trying to give him some comfort and take some of the weight off of his shoulders.

He licked his cracking lips, "I don't want to push him until he resents me like I did you."

"I've never resented you," Stacy said adamantly, "I just hated to lose you," she said swallowing the knot in her throat.

House gave her a soft half smile, "Can't say I've ever heard that before, maybe you're crazier than I thought to miss an ass like me."

"I'd rather think of myself as one of the few that is smart enough to appreciate you," Stacy said with a sweet smile. She saw the genuine surprise and insecurity in his eyes and wished he could see the good in himself. "I should go, it's going to take time to write this up and I'll need to get a notary."

He watched as she gathered her things, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I was too screwed up just get over it," he said with big sad eyes.

Stacy stood up and shook her head as she looked at him, "God, Greg, what hurts me the most is you still don't understand that I never deserved you. You're the best man I've ever known and I just hope James realizes what he has while he still has it," she said tenderly then kissed his forehead before leaving.


	43. Chapter 43 : Trying to Understand

Wilson took another walk through to see if maybe he'd missed something but Greg's apartment looked magnificently clean. He stopped in the bedroom remembering the last night they'd spent there. He could still remember the feel of Greg's shaky hand on his wrist as he undressed him, seeing those words carved on him, holding him close, promising it would never happen again, the deep loving kiss Greg had thanked him with, the intensity as they kissed more feeling Greg's naked body against his, the breathless pleading for sex, and then the scars he'd never been prepared for. Wilson shook his head remembering how quickly Greg drew away from him and how small he looked. He tried to remember that the talk afterwords had gone well, but somehow he still couldn't get the picture out of his mind of Greg balled up and crying into the pillow.

He walked out of the bedroom, no longer able to be in there, and into the living room. He needed to talk to someone about this stuff. He needed to vent about all his doubts and fears to someone besides Greg who already had too much on his plate. Wilson sighed picking up the phone and hesitantly calling.

"And I was just wondering if you were avoiding my calls. I've called you five times since our little.." Brandon was cut off by James.

"I know I've had a lot going on since then, look I need to talk," Wilson said hoping he wasn't make a huge mistake.

Brandon smiled on the other end of the phone, "Okay, just tell me the bar and I'll meet you there," he said smoothly.

"Not a bar, at my place... Greg's place and no... I need to know that you'll be here a friend, nothing more," Wilson said already feeling guilty about letting Brandon into their place.

Brandon raised an eyebrow, he would be alone with James in his place, a bed within a couple of feet, no one to see them. "Where's Hot Wheels?"

Wilson almost hung up on him, "Greg is in the hospital and don't ever call him that again!"

"Sorry, I didn't know, it was just a joke," Brandon said surprised by James outrage at the small comment. "Look, I'm not sure what's going on but if you need a friend I'm here. Now if your just looking for someone to get mad at then I'd rather not be the that person."

Wilson sighed, "Sorry, I just need a friend. I shouldn't have yelled."

"Alright, I'll be there in twenty minutes," Brandon said curious about what was going on with James.

1111111111111111

"James loves this movie," House said stopping the channel surfing on Maybe Baby.

Cuddy smiled slightly, in the past hour Greg had mentioned James at least ten times. She watched as his mouth and eyes opened in shock at the screen and she looked up at it to see a practically naked man that looked like... she looked back to House and then back at the screen... yes, like Greg. "Wow... wonder what attracted him to this movie?" she said sarcastically with a wide smile.

House blushed, "I'm sure it was the girl," he said watching as his double having sex with a beautiful woman. "And that guy looks nothing like me... he doesn't have scares all over his body and lets not forget he can walk." He said watching the man with jealousy and regret.

Cuddy frown, the man on the screen was what Greg should have been if he hadn't been abused and misdiagnosed. The man on the screen had a good body, was funny and attractive. "He also isn't as smart as you are, he doesn't save peoples lives, and he isn't as brave as you."

House looked over at her with a frown, "You know it's never going to work, in the end he'll leave me," he said seriously.

She shook her head, "Maybe not," she said wishing she had more confidence.

He turned back to the TV, "Right," he said sarcastically and swallowed, "and maybe I'll walk again without a cane."

111111111111111111

Wilson opened the door to see Brandon wearing a plum dress shirt untucked and open at the top with some tight black slacks that did nothing to conceal anything. He looked up to Brandon's green eyes to see a smirk on his face, Brandon had noticed him looking. "I don't know if this was a good idea," Wilson said with worry.

"Why not?" Brandon said with a sigh as he looked James, he reached out and touched his arm.

Wilson swallowed, "Because," he said looking him in the eyes as he felt himself getting more hot and bothered than the temperature of the room allowed.

Brandon smiled, "Look, I like you and you like me but it doesn't mean we have to do anything unless you want to. We can just talk." He said though he didn't really think that the night would end that way.

Wilson nodded taking a step back to let him in. His eyes watching the mans buttocks as he passed and closing the door.

Brandon turned to him as the door closed, "What do want, James? Why did you really ask me over here?" He questioned, if James really just wanted a conversation wouldn't a room full of people be a better place then this.

Wilson licked his lips and looked at the ground, "To talk," he said with less confidence as he began to question his own motives.

Brandon looked around seeing the bedroom door open and looked back to James who was dressed in a pair khaki slacks with a polo shirt. "You left the bedroom door open," he said watching as James deep brown eyes met his.

Wilson wanted to push him against a wall, to strip him of his cloths, to press him hard into the bed as he fucked him. He needed some release of all the sexual tension. He needed... to be faithful. He looked away from Brandon with frustration. "I can't do this. I can't hurt him like this again." He said softly mainly to remind himself that if he did in fact do something with Brandon it would hurt Greg beyond compare, especially since he was another man.

Brandon nodded and walked over to the chair and sat down, "Fine, then lets talk," he said casually as if they hadn't both just been considering sex just a second ago.

Wilson walked to the couch sitting far from him. "Greg has Burkitt Lymphoma stage four and I'm his doctor. Also we tried having sex but I kind of fucked that all up when I felt all the scaring in his rectum and couldn't get the rapes out of my mind. Oh yeah, I was also torturing him by not giving him a normal dose of morphine and I've pushed myself on him at least three times and I'm not sure what the fuck to do about any of it," he said ending the rant with tears in his eyes.

Brandon sat there stunned for a moment trying to take in all that James was telling him. "James..." he said shaking his head at the amount of inter-turmoil the man had to be going through.

"I'm fucking this all up," Wilson said wiping tears from his eyes as he looked to Brandon desperate for some guidance and help.

"I'm sure that isn't true," Brandon said with sympathy. "I'm sorry Greg is dying of cancer but.."

"HE ISN'T DYING!" Wilson yelled standing up quickly glaring at him and then away with more tears in his eyes.

Brandon felt his eyes water up at the pain in James's voice. "James, you can't hold yourself responsible over his life all you can do is treat and pray. You know that."

Wilson sniffle and wiped his eyes, "That's not all I can do. I can show him a life worth living, give him something to fight for," he said looking back at Brandon, "if you'll help me."

Brandon could sympathize he knew what it was like to love someone who'd been hurt like that. He knew what if was like to doubt every move you made. "I don't know you or Greg that well. I'm sorry."

"He's been raped by almost a dozen men, some of them more than once," Wilson said to see Brandon look down with guilt. "He was abused by his father mentally, emotionally and physically. He was treated worst than a dog, forced to sleep out side, given barely enough food to survive, scars all over his body. Burns in his armpits, gun shots, slashed across his back and cuts on his chest, he has..."

"STOP!" Brandon said emotion as he looked at James and sighed, "Fine, I'll try to help," he said not being able to stand hearing anymore of what House had went through.

"He wants sex but I don't know how to get past the scaring down there," Wilson explained with a frown.

Brandon rubbed his head, "Is he... is he tight down there?"

Wilson blushed, "Well... um, he's not as tight as some but he wasn't loose," he said feeling guilty about talking about something so private.

"Was he expecting penetration when you inserted your finger?" Brandon asked with a raised eyebrow trying not to imagine House's bare bottom.

"Yeah," Wilson answered.

Brandon swallowed, "Was he hard?" he asked trying to think of James as any other lost boy trying to figure out gay sex for the first time.

"Is that important?" Wilson asked crossing his arms.

"If he was hard and expecting penetration it could why he wasn't as tight, if not it could mean that his muscles are damaged. So yeah, it's important," Brandon said with some irritation. "Look, your the one wanting my help in your sex life, I'm not asking because I want to know. Believe me the last thing I want to imagine is you and House getting it on."

Wilson sighed, "I think he was hard," he said looking at Brandon. "I was horny as hell and he said he wanted me... so I all I was thinking about was having sex."

"He's not normal, you can't loose yourself with him, at least not yet. You have to pay attention and be in control. You need him to be sexually excited before you ever even consider penetration of any kind." Brandon explained adjusting himself and then he blushed some, "I need to know how big you are."

Wilson felt the room get hotter, "It's not like I have measurements are anything," he said softly.

Brandon couldn't help but look at James's crotch. "Are you a grower or a show-er?"

Wilson looked down at his crotch as he felt his cock harden some and then looked to Brandon, "I haven't really seen a lot of erect penises with the exception of mine and now Greg's."

"Then show me," Brandon said looking in his eyes.

Wilson tried to remind himself that this was for Greg as he undid his pants and pushed them down past his knees along with his underwear. His bare ass on the couch, "Do you need it hard?" he asked blushing.

Brandon moved to the other end of the couch, "Yes," he said as he watched James stroke himself. Brandon felt his own cock press hard against the pants as James masturbated. "You're pretty thick," he said licking his lips, "average length," he added looking away.

Wilson could see Brandon's cock straining in his pants and swallowed, "Is that all you needed?" he asked with dark eyes.

Brandon looked at James, "Unless you want to do more than talking." He watched as James put his dick away and sighed, "So you can't go without stretching him, not without hurting him."

"Wait... wouldn't that hurt no matter how big you were?" Wilson asked confused, "I mean I've had patients say my finger hurt."

Brandon chuckled, "Well those patients probably weren't sexually aroused at the time, it does make a big difference, especially when the other person is wanting you to insert something. I'm not saying it's as simple as sticking it in, but with some right touches, good lube and a thinner cock it's possible to prepare without the insertion of anything else." He looked to James who looked disappointed, like he'd just failed a test or something. "Hey, it's not bad. Girth is a good thing, it's make it easier to hit his prostate."

"But if it wasn't so wide I could give him sex without hurting him," Wilson said zipping up his pants with frustration.

"It's alright, believe me once you're having sex with him it's going to be handy and it doesn't mean sex has to hurt, just that you're going to have to take more time stretching him." Brandon provided trying not to think about how good a thick cock could feel. "You're going to have to use the right tool if you want to prepare him and if you really want to make that intimate you're going to have to unclench some," Brandon said with an expectant look.

"I'm not clenched," Wilson protested then let out a huff of air. "I'm just... new to this is all."

"Fine, then let's start at the basics. What all have you done to him?" Brandon asked.

"Hand-jobs mostly and I've done oral once then there was the fingering that went wrong," Wilson answered chewing on his lips some.

Brandon gave him an amused smile at how little he'd done, "Have you considered rimming or tossing a salad?"

Wilson gave him a confused look, "I told you the fingering thing didn't go well."

"There not meant to be done with hands," Brandon said with a smirk.

"But if..." Wilson thought more about it and his eyes widened. "That can't be sanitary."

Brandon chuckled some, "It's not as bad as you would think, and you can always give him a good cleaning if you prefer, just make sure you do it at least an hour before."

Wilson thought about that and shook his head, "He already thinks of himself as dirty. I don't want to reenforce that idea." He took a deep breath, "So have you ever... done those things?"

"Of course I have, not with every stranger I've slept with but with almost everyone that ever really mattered I have. It's really not as bad as you'd think and it can really make using a toy still feel as intimate or more than using your hands. This is where you find out if you're a giver or just a taker in the bedroom." Brandon said watching as James squirmed.

Wilson tried not to be repulsed by the idea, "What if he won't let me? Hell it took him weeks to let me give him a blow job."

Brandon looked at him with some confusion and then frowned, "James, this is going to take practice and time. This isn't some one hour course that has you giving him the best sex he's ever had by the weekend," he explained watching him. "You have to get him use to new things one at a time not all at once, especially if he's never been in a loving sexual relationship with another man."

"He hasn't," Wilson confirmed with a sigh, "but... he might not have a long time and this is important to both of us."

Brandon frowned, "This isn't the kind of thing you put on a dead line," he said to see James narrow his eyes on him and regretted his choice of words. "I wasn't trying to be a smart ass but you can't forget he was raped, that doesn't just go away because it's inconvenient." He could see guilt settling it's way back into James and wished he could make it easier. "I'm sorry," he said softly, "but I've made mistakes, rushed a guy that was giving me all the signs... signs I should have noticed but I was ready and he didn't say no."

Wilson looked at him with a serious expression, "What happened?"

"I didn't realize something was wrong until it was over... that's when I noticed the shaking... the tears..." Brandon said closing his eyes. "He'd been into in the beginning, pulling me on him, yanking our clothes off and he was a really sweet guy."

Wilson swallowed hard as for the first time he saw real pain in Brandon's face. "You didn't know and I'm sure he's fine now."

Brandon scoffed, "He killed himself the next day," he said said with shining eyes as he looked away. "You should get out of this," he said in a whisper.

"I can't... give up on him," Wilson said with as fear ran through him.

"Then you need to know more. Does he use sex toys? Are their positions he isn't comfortable with because of the rapes or his handicap? Are their objects that upset him? Does he have flashbacks?" Brandon asked said counting off fingers from his hand.

Wilson thought about it, "I have no idea. I just assumed he'd be on the bottom. Here's a list he gave me, and yes but different situations set them off so it's not very predictable," he said handing over the list Greg had given him to Brandon.

Brandon sighed unfolding the list, "Go look the bedroom over, considering his handicap if he has any toys they'll be close to the bed," he instructed. He read the list looking a little confused at first but turned to sadly disturbed.

Wilson walked in the bedroom and stopped by the bed. Why did this feel so wrong? He knew he had to get a 'toy' in order to make sex comfortable for Greg and he knew it would be best if he got something that Greg was already familiar and comfortable with but it still felt like he was crossing a line. He took a deep breath and opened the night stand on the left side to find pills, an ipod, and random junk. He closed it and went to the one on the right side of the bed then opened it slowly. He was surprised to see a digital picture frame with a picture of him at his second wedding, the picture was only of him which meant Greg had to have cropped it. He pressed the button on the side to see a picture of the two of them sitting across a table talking and everything but Stacy's hand had been cropped out. He stared at the picture surprised he'd never noticed the way House smiled when they'd talked and the glint in his eyes. He wanted to go through all the picture but figured he'd have time to do that at night when Brandon wasn't there and put it on the bed. He looked back to the drawer to find a bottle of synthetic lube, a weird tube like device with a cord, a red butt plug with remote, a metal dildo in a box along with a small golden thing, something that resembled a goofy gun shape, a small metal thing with a pair of matching cufflinks, and.. one of hit ties. He blushed as he glanced back to the digital picture on the screen then to the contents of the rest of the drawer. How long had Greg been masturbating to the thought of him? He grabbed the toys, leaving the picture frame and tie behind and took them into the living room. He dropped them into a pile on the couch cushion between them and sat down looking to Brandon for answers.

Brandon's mouth hung open, "Wow," he said looking at the gold and silver toys first with admiration and disbelief.

Wilson looked at the 'toys' with concern, "What is it?"

He chuckled, "You're guy... you're guy really likes sex! I mean look at this stuff!" Brandon said with a grin.

"Okay, there's a lot of stuff here but... he's not a total pervert, right?" Wilson said nervously. "No whips or chains... no leather..." he said trying to calm himself.

Brandon looked at him confused, "No, the collection is pretty standard. I've seen guys who needed a whole room to hold their toys. It's not the amount of stuff that's impressive but the quality. This is all top of the line products," he explained and smiled. "If you were to guess at how much this stuff cost new as the collection, what would you say?"

Wilson looked at it with some disgust, "I don't know... maybe a thousand dollars?"

"More like fifteen thousand. These metal ones are from Lelo and that's not silver tone or gold tone on them... it's real gold and silver." Brandon said putting them all in the box. "The long silver one is a vibrator for penetration, the gold one is for easier to get areas, and then we have a small silver vibrating butt plug. These three items together are about fourteen grand."

"That's ridiculous! You're telling me he spent fifteen thousand dollars on sex toys! That's just... sad and sick," Wilson said with distaste.

Brandon's smile faded as he saw how judgmental James really could be. "How much do you think you spent on all your marriages?"

"It's not the same thing. We loved each other, he bought things to insert into himself so he could get off," Wilson said defensively looking at the objects in question with disappointment.

Brandon scoffed as he watched James, talk about disappointments. "You think you're ready for sex with him and you can't even wrap your narrow mind around the idea that he's actually gay."

Wilson looked at Brandon surprised, "I've accepted that he's bisexual."

"No, you haven't," Brandon said firmly. "What's wrong with him having some sex toys? What's wrong with him having inserted something up his own pipe before you do it for him?"

"It's not..." Wilson started but stopped as he looked down at the toys and then sighed. His mouth twitched as he tried to explain his issue with it, without completely understanding why looking at all of this make him feel dirty. "Okay.. first of all, it's one thing to have a couple of sex toys and it's a whole other thing to have a drawer crammed full of them and spend fifteen thousand dollars on them. Second, he's afraid of me when he puts this shit up his ass for fun! That's not...it's just..."

"Men raped him, not these," Brandon said getting more mad at how James was acting, "and I would have thought you'd be happy to see the man wants sex; hell he enjoys sex! That's huge considering what was done to him." He said seriously as he looked at James with worry, "Or did that even matter to you?"

Wilson blinked at Brandon shocked, "It matters but I knew he liked sex... every man likes sex."

"Not every man that's been raped," Brandon said standing up. "You're not ready for this and even though I don't really like Greg I'll be damned if I'm going to help you hurt him more that he already has been." He said and started walking away.

Wilson ran after him beating him to the door, "I'm not going to hurt him. I love him," he said blocking the door.

"Really?" Brandon said back with a smile, "Then why does it sicken you to imagine him trying to take some pleasure in sex with himself? If this was my boyfriends stash I'd be turned on at the idea of him enjoying an orgasm, I'd want to watch," he said to see Wilson's nose wrinkle up. "But you're disgusted at the idea."

"I'm disgusted that he paid so much money to jerk off, not that he jerked off," Wilson clarified.

Brandon sighed, "Are we friends?"

"Yes," Wilson answered wondering were this was going.

"Do you want me to be honest with you?" Brandon asked standing a little straighter.

"Yeah, that's the whole point," Wilson said still confused.

"You don't seem like the kind of guy that's usually an insensitive jerk, but you're being one right now. You're controlling, judgmental, and only thinking about yourself. You aren't even ready to look at the damage done to him by the rapes? If you want this to work you have to try to imagine things from his perspective." Brandon said watching as James finally seemed to be thinking.

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"Pretty good movie," Cuddy said as the names of the cast scrolled on the screen and looked to House who was staring at the clock. She sighed and changed his chemo bags then got him out a liquid meal. "Here," she said handing it to him. He took it and poured it down his tube without a word. "If you're hungry I could go get us some real food," she offered to see him shrug. Cuddy was hungry so she decided she'd go a head and get them some food and maybe it would make him feel better. "Anything else you'd like me to pick up while I'm gone?"

House opened his mouth and closed it again then shook his head. He watched her walking out swallowed hard, "Could... could you see if his coat is in his office? I'd like to have it if it is," he said not meeting her eyes.

"Yeah, I'll get if for you," she said and quickly came back with it. "Here you go, so what did..." she stopped as he pulled the collar to his face and smelled it then held it close and her eyes became a little blurry. He missed Wilson.

"Well, go a head and make fun of me for acting like a stupid teenage girl," he said with his eyes closed.

Cuddy shook her head, "I'm not going to make fun of you. Listen if you want me to call him for..." she was cut off by him.

"No," House said taking in another deep breath of his lovers sent, "he needs this night off. He has to get away from this hospital and me a little bit."

She nodded, "Okay, but I'm going to grab a game for us to play when I get back. It'll make time pass by faster." She said and left.

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Wilson leaned against the door trying to imagine what it would be like to be in Greg's shoes. "None of this makes any sense," he said absently as he tried to make connections. "If I were raped I wouldn't want any of this stuff near me. I definitely wouldn't be pushing for a relationship with a man... it just doesn't add up."

Brandon sighed, good things House was the brain. "Look, being raped doesn't change your sexuality. If he was meant to like men then that wouldn't change."

"Fine, he was born that way, but he wasn't born a bottom. That was a decision he made," Wilson said looking more confused.

"Have you offered to be the bottom?" Brandon asked fairly certain he already knew the answer.

"No..." Wilson answered, "but when we first got together I expected we'd flip flop between both and he's the one that said he was fine with me just being the top." He said thinking more about things, "And he has anal toys so...and during the blow job he fingered himself."

Brandon had already put the connections together and hoped James would be more understanding of this than he was about the sex toys. "How old was he the first time he was raped?"

"Fifteen," Wilson responded as he tried to figure this out.

"James, sit down," Brandon said as he walked back over to the couch. He watched as James followed and swallowed. "What is rape?" he asked when James sat.

"Being forced to have sex against your will," Wilson answered with a frown.

"Right, and when was the first time you had sex?" Brandon said leadingly.

Wilson shrugged flushing some, "I was 17."

"And if your first time was like anyone I knows first time it probably didn't take much for you to reach climax," Brandon said hoping when Wilson figured this out he wouldn't judge.

"No, I only lasted a couple of minutes," Wilson said looking confused.

"How old was House? How many girlfriends has he had?" Brandon asked.

Wilson thought about that, "I don't know how old he was, but he's only ever mentioned two girlfriends, one from college and then Stacey."

Brandon nodded, it fit with what he knew of the man, "So his first sexual encounter was probably him being raped. The first time anyone touched some of the most sensitive areas on the body. James... his first orgasm may have been being raped, it's not uncommon for men to get hard, ejaculate or even have some physically pleasurable moments when being raped."

"No! Get out!" Wilson yelled, "He didn't FUCKING ENJOY IT!"

Brandon stood up but didn't move, "I'm not saying he did. He was raped, of course I don't think he enjoyed it, but maybe he ejaculated. The body responds to touch, whether it's good or bad, wanted or unwanted."

"Shut UP!" Wilson said with tears in his eyes.

Brandon swallowed and put his hand on Wilson's crotch moving it slowly.

"What are you doing?" Wilson asked feeling himself harden.

"Do you want me to do this to you?" Brandon asked looking James in the eyes.

Wilson shook his head and pushed the hand off of him, "No."

"Then why did you get hard?" Brandon asked trying to make James understand.

Wilson's eyes watered as he shook his head, "I don't want it to be true. They already took so much... they couldn't have taken that too." He said before dissolving into sobs as Brandon wrapped his arms around him.


	44. Chapter 44 : A Night without You

"You cheated," House said leaning back in the bed.

"No, I won and you aren't use to losing," Cuddy said with a smirk as she put the cards away and glancing at him. "You were only ten points behind me, so you'll probably win the next time we play and every time after that as usual."

He knew she was probably right and he had appreciated the distraction but that didn't mean he wasn't going to take advantage of her guilt complex. "I'm hungry," he said softly.

"But you just ate five pieces of pizza and a liquid meal an hour ago," she exclaimed, not wanting to get back out.

House laid his hands on top of his stomach, "You're right, I shouldn't take in that many calories. It's not like I have cancer and my body NEEDS a ridiculous amount of energy to fight it."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes on him but the the guilt trip had worked in spite of her knowing what he was doing. "Fine, what can I go get you?" she asked.

"Ice cream and fries," House said with a bright smile.

"Alright, I'll be back," she said grabbing her purse as she left.

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Wilson glanced at Brandon as he drove to see a smile plastered on his face, "Go a head and say it already," he said looking back at the road.

"I just find it funny that 'Mr. Sex Toys are Bad' spent over five hundred dollars in a sex store and will need a chest to hold all of your things," Brandon said with a smile, "that's all."

Wilson flushed, "The wedges could help us with positions since he has a handicap, they're not really sex toys," he argued.

"Right," Brandon agreed with a grin, "and the instructional dvd's are just for research."

"That's exactly what they're for. I haven't done this before I just want things to go as well as possible," Wilson answered.

"Well practice does make perfect," Brandon said with a smirk, "just ask the men I've been with."

Wilson glanced at him subconsciously licking his lips and flushing then looked back at the road. "So... are you a top or bottom?"

Brandon chuckled, "I'm whatever I feel like being with the person I'm with. I usually am the top because that's what most of the men I'm with want but I like to get fucked as much as I like to screw others."

"How was your first time?" Wilson asked as he parked.

Brandon looked to James taking in his parted pink lips and those melting chocolate eyes. "I was sixteen and there was this guy in school that was on the wrestling team with me. I'd known I was gay for a while but didn't say anything and I knew he was too. So one night I was driving and I saw him walking and I picked him up." Brandon stared in James eyes, "As soon as our eyes met we knew. I remember my hands shaking as I drove and he told me what turns to take and when he finally said to stop were at an abandoned building and it was pitch black. He lit a cigarette and asked if I wanted one. I'd never smoked but I didn't want him to know that so I said yes and managed not to get choked on the smoke. We sat there in silence for a long time until I heard him unzip his jeans. I looked but I couldn't really see anything because of the darkness and I moved closer to him, that was back in the day when the they had bench seats in the front of cars and he grabbed my head by the hair hard and put his lips to my ear, "No one can ever know about this," he whispered hot and angry to me. I nodded and his hand became gentle as he guided me in a kiss. It was hot and heavy as our hands grasped one another with urgency. In little time we were both naked our cloths in the back seat and he pushed my head to his cock and I sucked as his hand ran up and down my ass until he spit on his hand and smeared it around my hole and pushed his finger in. I grunted from the shock of pain and he became still and the silence crept in. My stomach was in knots as ever emotion swept over me and then he spoke. "Are you okay?" he asked and I kissed his neck in response. He moved it around in me as I kissed up higher to his lips while his fingers slowly worked my ass. He move me till I was laying with my stomach against the seat across it with one leg falling over it and entered me. I cried out in pain and his shushed me as he lowered himself on my back and deeper inside of me for a while we stayed just like that, him deep inside me with the front of him against the back of me and then he slowly rolled his hips against me. It didn't take long for the pain to give way to a growing pleasure and I had to bite my lips to keep from moaning so loud it would be embarrassing. He pulled my head up so he could suck and kiss my neck as he began fucking me harder. We were both panting so hard and his cock swelled even bigger in my tight hole and then I felt him cum. He began to shake as he did and I moved my hips against his as tears ran down my cheeks. I'd never felt anything like it and when he was done he sat down in the seat and so did I. I was rubbing my cock when I felt him push my hand away and put his mouth on it. It felt so good and I had no idea what to do when he grabbed my hand and spat on it but then he put my hand on his ass and I realized. I prepared him as best as I knew to do and he straddled me, kissing fevered and desperately as he lowed himself on my hard dick. He rode me for all I was worth going hard and fast then stopping just before I lost it only to do it again and again. Then he got off and laid down on the seat holding his knees to the side of his stomach with his feet in the air and I grabbed his feet pushing them almost to his shoulders I entered him. I remember how hard it was to breath in the car as sweat, sex, and moans filled it along with the slapping of my balls against his ass. I fucked him so hard so deep that he started crying out 'yes' so that's what I did. So hard it hurt and wrapped my on hand round his throat and the other around his revived cock. "Tell me you want it," I yelled stopping all movements. His eyes were wide on my tears leaking from them and his lips trembled, "Please... please fuck me," he said in a whisper and I did. I cam as I saw him cum and when I pulled out he sucked my dick. Then we got dressed and I dropped him off at a park and went home." Brandon said fondly noticing James had his hand on his crotch. "We did that quite often after that. We never spoke much just... fucked," he said with a smirk. "So now are you going to stop fondling yourself?"

Wilson quickly pulled his hand off his crotch looking at Brandon with desire and fear, "I think I should take you home."

Brandon nodded, "You probably should," he said unzipping his jacket some to see James's eyes dart to his pants. "Wishing it was something else?" Brandon asked innocently and got out of the car.

Wilson followed unlocking the apartment and as soon as the door was closed they were on each other. Wilson's head buzzed on a testosterone high as he pinned Brandon to the wall grinding himself against him while kissed and sucked on his neck.

Brandon smiled as James let go and was finally doing what he really wanted. He knew just from the conversation with him today that James was a dominate fighting his urges but now he was letting lose and it felt wonderful. He chuckled as he felt James grab his wrists and pin them against the wall as he racked his teeth on his neck while rubbing his crotch against him. "You don't have to hold back with me, you can be who you really are and take what you need," Brandon panted teasingly into James's ear.

Wilson half moaned half growled in response then he roughly turned Brandon around pinning him the the wall again but this time with his rear towards him. He held the wrists with one hand while his other hand rubbed the tight slack covering the man's ass. He needed this so bad. He stopped rubbing and slipped his arm to the front of Brandon's pants and undid them while closing in behind him. He pushed the slacks down roughly feeling the smooth soft flesh under his hand pressed his still clothed body harder against it. He licked a finger and worked it's way in Brandon's to hear a gasp escape the man and that's when everything hit him. Greg had gasped too... but this wasn't Greg, Brandon's hole was normal and smooth not layered with scars. How bad would this hurt Greg to know that he'd cheated on him with a man, that he would never be his first? Could he even look his lover in the eye again? He quickly released Brandon and pulled himself away from him.

Brandon looked at him confused and then he could see the guilt and sighed. "You need this and if you don't get it out of your system with someone else then you're going to be doing this with him."

"And that's exactly what I need to be doing!" Wilson said with exasperation as his eyes lingered on the Brandon's genitals.

"Really?" Brandon said with a scoff, "You think it's going to be good for Greg if you pin him to a wall?"

Wilson winced some, "I wasn't that rough," he said softly.

Brandon shook his head, "Look at my wrists and tell me that!" he said loudly holding out his arms to show visible marks around his wrists. "I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, it feels good to be dominated from time to time for me, but I that's all House has had and none of it was voluntary. You do this to him and you're going to become another rapist!"

"I would NEVER rape him!" Wilson yelled with watery eyes. "I love him and I don't know if I'll hurt him later in the future or not but I know that if I continued what we started it would crush him and I'm not going to do that."

Brandon pulled up his pants, "I like you a lot and I'm not going to pretend I didn't want this to happen for my own selfish reasons, but I'm not lying when I say that if you don't get this out of your system you're going to hurt him worse than any of them did. James, it's one thing for a stranger to hurt you and it's a whole other animal for someone you love to do it. I can tell you from personal experience you don't want to be responsible for hurting him like that, especially since he's already attempted suicide before." He said with concern and empathy, "You're too good hearted, I don't think you'd survive it."

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House had been staring at the ceiling for the past two hours when he heard soft steps outside his door and an almost silent key slip in. He tried not to get to hopeful as he watched and soon saw the silhouette of James. He kept perfectly still with his eyes barely open as he watched James silently put his heavy duffel bag by the guest chair, his guitar by the bed, a bag of medical journals also by the bed and a Tupperware container of macadamia nut pancakes (if his nose was right) on the night stand. House grinned as it occurred to him that Wilson had acted like his own personal Santa Claus, sneaking in the middle of the night to give him all he'd asked for. James left and House slid the guitar on top of himself and waited. When James came back in he loudly strummed the guitar laughing as James jumped up and screamed followed by Lisa.

Wilson quickly flipped on the light to see Greg looking amused and Cuddy looking startled with the covers wrapped around her as she glared at Greg. Wilson tried to keep his temper in check as Greg was smiling, while hot coffee burned on his right arm and face. "You are a dick," he said walking out to clean himself off.

Cuddy smacked House in the chest. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

House rolled his eyes with a grin, "Oh come on, that was hilarious! You should have seen how high he jumped, it was inhuman, like a cat or something," he said with glinting eyes.

"Well, I'm glad you got a kick out of it, but I sure as hell didn't enjoy it and I'm sure he didn't either! What time is it!" she said in frustration as she looked for her phone and read the time and her frowned deepened. "What were you doing up at five-thirty in the morning anyway?" she asked looking over at him.

He swallowed and shrugged, "He must have woken me up coming in," he said not meeting her eyes.

Cuddy sighed softly, "You never got back to sleep after that last nightmare did you?" she asked but the answer was obvious as he just stared at the guitar with a hard jaw. "Nothings going to happen to him," she whispered and put a hand on his shoulder.

House pulled away from her touch, "You can't promise me that and I can't help him in here. What about the guy that followed him home from the club or Brandon Burke?"

"He could come to the hospital if someone followed him, they wouldn't be stupid enough to pursue him in a hospital and Brandon isn't a threat he's a friend," she explained.

"I don't trust him," he said flexing his jaw.

Cuddy got out of the bed, handing Greg a liquid meal. "I'm shocked! You're the most trusting guy I know," she said sarcastically to see his eyes look slightly amused. "Listen, just because your jealous of him doesn't make him a bad guy."

"How about him kissing James?" House asked with irritation.

She sighed, "You can't blame him for James's indiscretions. It's not his place to respect your relationship with Wilson, that's Wilson's responsibility," she said and could see that the truth of the words had hurt him.

Wilson entered the room again, "Thanks, Greg! Now I look like crap thanks to you." He said grabbing the guitar.

"I'm going to get changed," Cuddy said slipping into the DDX room.

House grabbed it too before James could take it and held on, "Don't! I was just having a little fun! It was just a joke," he said not wanting to lose his guitar.

"Well guess what, it wasn't funny!" Wilson said tugging on the guitar as he got angrier. "Actually none of you stupid pranks are funny, now let go of the guitar."

House swallowed as he still held on tight but could feel his hold slipping as he wasn't that strong anymore. "James, I didn't mean for you to spill coffee on yourself it was an accident."

Wilson tugged hard pulling the guitar out of Greg's grasp and slammed it against the wall shattering the wood. He smiled with victory and looked back at Greg, "Oops, I guess I accidentally destroyed your guitar," he said.

House's wide shocked eyes moved up and down from James to the smashed guitar as he tried to stay calm. It had been his first guitar from a time before the gangbang or words were carved on him. It had survived his time in the Marines... hell it might have been one of the things that got him through the Marines. He'd had it before his first kiss or heart break and it had been one of his few comforts after the leg surgery.

Wilson's revenge was bitter sweet as he saw the way Greg looked at the guitar and realized the significance of THIS guitar. It was the one he'd made fun of House for still hanging on to because it was so old and looked a bit childish but after House had explained that it had been with him through everything and was more like a friend than an object he'd let it go... and now he'd smashed it, all over a little joke. "Greg... I didn't mean to... I wasn't thinking...," he said softly.

Cuddy walked back in to see Wilson holding out a smashed guitar to House who looked... cold. "What's going on?" she asked now in her work cloths as she put her hair up.

Wilson looked like he was about to cry, "I'm sorry... Greg, I forgot what it meant to you."

"It's just a stupid guitar," House said coldly looking away from the smashed body.

Cuddy frowned shaking her head, "Real mature Wilson, breaking his guitar will teach him to try and act like his old self, but hey it's not quite as bad as not giving him enough morphine," she said gritting her teeth. "Greg, do you want me to stay or go?" she asked looking to him.

"Go," House said refusing to let his feeling get out of hand.

She nodded but looked up at the machine with worry, "Watch his numbers, they're climbing," she whispered to Wilson before leaving.

"Greg say something, please," Wilson said walking over to the bed and putting what was left of the guitar against the wall.

"There's nothing to say, it was just a guitar," House said looking at him with a cold expression and sharp features.

Wilson sat on the side of the bed searching Greg's eyes, "No it wasn't. I know it was more to you than that and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you like that."

House's lips trembled in sorrow but he kept the rest of it from moving, "I'm fine, it doesn't matter," he said.

"Oh, baby," Wilson said and pulled Greg's face against his chest and felt him swallow hard. "I'm so sorry," he said hating himself for losing his temper.

House let James hold him as he mourned the loss of his guitar and it was during this time that he smelled Brandon's cologne on him. It took all of him to keep from pulling away from James as his heart broke even more, instead he pushed his face deeper in James's chest. Soon they were acting as if nothing had happened, House eating his pancakes while James changed out his chemo bags and talked about nothing important.

"Hey guess who I heard from last night?" Wilson said hooking up new bags.

House pretended to be confused, "Don't tell me it was Julie wanting to get back together," he said forcing a half grin even though he didn't find it the least be amusing.

Wilson laughed shaking his head, "No, God, nothing that horrible. It was Brandon. He wanted to see how we were doing and I unloaded on him some, bet he wishes he hadn't gotten a hold of me now," he said trying to sound light hearted.

Houses lips moved in disgust at the word unloaded but he forced it into somewhat of a smile, "Oh I'm sure he likes helping you unburden yourself, that's what friends are for... unless of course you keep yammering on past two hours and then it just turns to torture."

"No it doesn't," Wilson said walking up to Greg's side of the bed and running his hand through Greg's hair, "I like the new look by the way. I never thought Cuddy and you sharing a bed would mean a makeover, not the way you chased her."

"I didn't chase her," House said scooting his hips back some to give James a place to sit by him.

"Right," Wilson said with a knowing smile, "that's why you asked her out."

House swallowed looking down, "At least she was smart enough to turn me down, for you actually. I was wondering for a while if she'd become the next Mrs. Wilson."

Wilson's smile faded as he thought about how hard that must have been for Greg now knowing how he felt about him. "It was never like that. We were just friends," he said seeing Greg's eyes meet his with some hurt. "Not that friends mean less than... not that it can't become something more." He leaned down and kissed Greg's forehead, "God, I was a dick. I knew you cared about her and I knew you didn't like sharing me and at the time I thought it was funny but... if I'd known how you felt about me I never would have been that cruel."

"You didn't owe me anything, still don't," House said sitting up and holding James hand.

"Yes I do, we're in a relationship now," Wilson said with some confusion.

House swallowed hard, "We're not married," he said looking in James eyes with sincerity and sadness, "probably never will be. The chances of me living though this... and us working with all my flaws is ridiculous. All I'm hoping for is that I have you for the rest of my life, which shouldn't be too long and then you can find someone who's not so fucked up and can actually make you happy."

Wilson's eye watered as he could tell Greg truly meant everything he was saying from the bottom of his heart. "You DO make me happy," he said, "and I'd be proud to be married to you someday."

House leaned into a tender kiss their lips barely brushing, "I hope you know how much I love you," he whispered before another gentle and teasing kiss. James deepened it as he let his hand guide Greg's neck closer to him while Greg's hand went over James's genitals.

Wilson pulled back, "I don't think we have time for that," he said with a smile.

"You need it and I want to give it to you," House said his voice more pleading than anything. "I want to make you happy... I want to satisfy you."

Wilson swallowed hard as guilt tugged at his heart. "You do, I'm fine," he said to feel Greg's hand slip down the front of his pants. "Hey.." he started but was silenced by Greg's mouth on his and he stopped fighting it. Greg's hand and mouth felt so good that within a couple of minutes he was cumming in his pants while panting with flushed cheeks. "How can you give me a better hand job than I can give myself?" he asked in amazement.

"The life of a bachelor gives you a lot of practice," House said pulling his hand out of James pants and licking his fingers.

Wilson watched with fascination, "I've gotta get some work done but tonight I get to take you home, provided that you feel like it. So let me take out the catheter so we know if everything is good there and so you won't be so sore," he said pulling it out to see Greg grit his teeth a little bit. "Sorry, but I'm sure you'll enjoy not having it in for a bit."

"What time can we leave?" House asked, it was time he finally got to have sex with James.

"Around four or five I'm hoping," James said giving Greg a kiss and leaving.

Stacy swallowed as she'd watched the whole thing. She slipped in the door to the DDX room while Wilson left out of House's office door. She knocked on the door to House's office and opened it. "Hi," she said trying to stay professional.

House lifted an eyebrow, "You already have the paper's drawn up?"

"Yep, I have a business meeting at noon in Seattle so I've got to get back," she said handing him a bottle of hand sanitizer when he put out his hand for the papers.

House half smiled and used it before getting the paper and glancing through them, "So how long were you watching us?" he asked casually.

Stacy smirked, "Long enough to not let you touch anything without at least sanitizing your hands first."

He nodded, "Why'd you cheat on me?" he asked turning the page to skim over the next one.

The smirk disappeared as she blinked at him in astonishment at the question. Not only was it a hard question to answer in all this time he'd never asked her, even when she'd tried to tell him. She swallowed hard as she watched him look thought the paper as if he hadn't just asked a this horrifying question. "I needed things... sexual things you weren't giving me. I should have talked to about it more but I didn't want to pressure you especially since... I knew you'd been hurt sexually." Stacy watched him as he continued to glance through the paper.

"So I'm bad in bed," House said with a sigh.

"No!" Stacy quickly answered. "Greg, you were probably the best lover I ever had but sometimes you need to spice things up."

"Like how," he asked looking at her.

Her cheeks reddened, "Sometimes I like to be more dominate... like I was a couple of times in the beginning when you had some problems." She said awkwardly remember him turning into a shaking mumbling ball. "And sometimes I need to be dominated and other time I wanted to fuck. Greg, you're the best lover I've ever had gentle and caring and really good at sex and foreplay but sometimes I needed to just be pushed up against a table my skirt hiked up and given a ride. No kissing, no dark room, no hiding under covers, no love making just fucking."

House scoffed, "So you cheated on me because I didn't treat you like a whore?" he asked with confusion.

Stacy's cheeks reddened more, "Sex doesn't always have to be soul gripping Greg and it doesn't make me a whore because sometimes I want to change things up. I wanted to get those things from you not someone else but I was to afraid to ask because I thought you wouldn't understand, I guess I was right."

"I was 15 the first time that someone one fucked me so I guess I don't understand," he said hotly.

"You can lie to them all you want but I know that you weren't fifteen when it started," she said with a frown, "I'm betting you weren't even ten the first time your fath..." she was stopped in the middle of the word by his hand covering her mouth and the intensity of his eyes scared her.

"Don't... don't ever... EVER say... don't!" House said and unhooked his machine as it started to beep.

Stacy pulled his hand off of her mouth to see him shaking and frowned, "I'm sorry," she said softly putting a hand on his arm to see him swallow hard and look away.

"I never told anyone.. I never told... so how," he said looking at her with questioning eyes.

She sighed, "You're dreams... the way you were with him and the dreams that followed his visits, even the way he'd look at you. I knew but I never said anything because I was afraid you couldn't handle talking about it or even admitting it. It wasn't you're fault but it's obvious that you don't believe that."

House stared at the ground, "It hurt... and I was.. too small to fight him off. I never wanted to make you feel like that. I don't want to make anyone ever feel like that."

"You don't have to rape someone to dominate them. You can hold their arms down but if they ask you to let them up you do. Being dominated isn't about someone taking control it's about someone trusting you enough to give control," Stacy tried to explain.

"Do you think you'd have felt the same way if you were in love with me?" He asked as he signed the Will.

"I loved you a lot, but no I don't think it would have changed the way I felt or what I wanted. I'm in love with Mark but he can't give me what you could... no one has ever been able to give me what you could," she said with a sad smile.

House swallowed and handed her back the papers, "Thanks for making the trip."

Stacy stood, "Greg, I know there's been too much between us for us to be close friends... but that doesn't mean I don't care. There will always be a place in my heart for curry and if you ever need anything I hope you know I'll be there."

He scoffed, "Yeah, I bet Mark would love that."

"Fuck Mark," she said firmly, "if it wasn't for you he wouldn't be alive. So seriously if you ever need anything just give me a call," she said and was gone.

1111111111111

Wilson was sitting in his office trying to go through files when he heard a knock at the door. "Come in," he said loudly and glanced up as he heard someone enter and his eyes widened. "Stacy," he said standing up, "I didn't know you were in town."

"Just passing through and wanted to check up on some rumors about House," Stacy said with a sad smile.

Wilson's lip twitched as his eyes saddened more than usual. "Yeah, he's um... it's hard but I'm trying to make him be positive," he said trying not to tear up. "Of course you know House, he's strong and he's still trying to work," he said with a slight smile, "still pulling jokes," he finished with a deep frown as he thought about how that had ended for his friend today.

"Yeah, I spoke with him. He seems... to be trying to pull through." Stacy said and gave him a knowing smile, "It took me a while to make him reveal who he was dating. I have to admit I found it hard to believe at first but he seems to really love you."

He blinked surprised, "Oh... okay," he said chuckling some. "We'd been keeping pretty private with me being his doctor and my parents. I'm glad he told you though."

"James, no one in the world will ever love you like he does," she said watching him with regret. "Appreciate it and don't.. hurt him, please."

Wilson nodded, "That's what I'm trying to do but there are complications... it isn't easy."

Stacy took a step closer, "Actually it is. Stop cheating on him and forget everything you know about him or thought you knew about him as a friend because that's not who he is."

"He told you I cheated on him," he said with irritation.

"No, I know you and your weakness and... I saw you with him in the room this morning. The way he reacted and tried so hard to please you, that's his go to move when he thinks you've been cheating to keep you with him," she said watching him with worry.

"You... cheated on him?" Wilson asked in awe since House had never mentioned it.

Stacy nodded, "Yeah and I still regret it. People might call Greg and ass or cold but I've never met an adult that loves as purely as he does. He might not love a ton of people but the ones he does... it's like a child's love. There are no limits or boundaries or things he wont do," she said hoping he wouldn't waste his chance with House. "He may have the biggest heart of all of us."

"He does," he said with a smile, it was nice to be talking to someone who actually got it. "So.. did you two ever have... issues in the ummm.."

"He's been raped, of course we had issues," she said honestly.

"He... told you?" Wilson asked shocked.

"No, I figured it out on my own and kept it to myself," Stacy said with a sad smile. "It was hard to do but he wasn't ready to talk about it or even admit it but with the scars and dreams.. it was obvious. I wish I would have tried to talk to him about it because if we'd talked more about what happened and more about sex it would have helped him. We still wouldn't have survived what I did to him about the leg but maybe he wouldn't have waited so long to try again."

He suddenly saw the answer to his prayer, "So if we ran into some problem, could I call you?" he asked with hope.

She smiled, "Yes, I don't have all the answers but I did learn something living with him for five years. I really want this to work out for you two. Hey, what happened to the his guitar?"

Wilson winced, "I broke it. It wasn't really intentional. He'd scared Cuddy and me half to death earlier this morning with it and made me spill burning hot coffee all over myself so after I got cleaned up I was trying to take it away from him which turned into a tug of war and when he finally let go it just kept going from the force of my last tug back into the wall and I really didn't care at first. I thought that will teach him until... until he just sat there staring at it and I remembered how much it had meant to him."

Stacy grimaced in sympathy, "Did he do that thing where he pretends it wasn't important even though you know it is?"

"YES! God! I swear I don't know if he's trying to break your heart when he does that but if that's what he's trying to accomplish he's doing a splendid job!" He said sinking into his chair with despair, "At least he let me hold him, hopefully it helped him."

She knew it wasn't fair to be jealous but she still was a little, "It took me years to get him to let me hold him and even then he was hesitant."

"I don't think he'd be as comfortable with it if we hadn't been friends for over a decade before we dated and at the same time how long did it take before you two had sex?" Wilson asked.

"A couple of days," Stacy said noticing the envy in his features. "How long for you two?"

"I'll tell you when we get there, it'll be a month in two days," he said and shook his head. "I'm a man and men hurt him so... it's hard. He has flashbacks when we get too heavy making out or during other sexual acts sometimes."

Her heart broke for him, she'd only seen Greg have flashbacks a few times but it had been some of the scariest and most heart tearing times of her life. "I can't imagine how hard it is for you but I can tell you he's worth the wait. He's gifted in the bedroom."

Wilson's eyebrows rose at that, "Oh... good to know. I mean I love him and there is more than sex to a relationship but I must admit I was curious how things would be once we made it there."

Stacy fiddled with her necklace a little nervously, "If this is too much you don't have to answer but... I was just wondering who's the top and who's the bottom?"

He flushed some, "He seems to prefer to be the bottom," he said avoiding her eyes some.

"Really, that's... surprising," she said trying to process it. "But seeing as he had more issues dominating than being dominated I guess it stands to reason he'd want it that way."

Wilson looked at her with concern, "Why did he have problems being the more dominate partner?"

"He was afraid he would hurt me or make me feel used. One time he got a little carried away and gripped my shoulder to keep me in place and for two weeks he kept apologizing." Stacy said shaking her head. "Listen, we could talk about Greg all day but I've got a plane to catch so that I'll be on time for a meeting. Just call me if you need to talk," she said with a smile.

"Thanks," he said feeling more relieved that now he could finally talk to someone who'd been through what he was going through.


	45. Chapter 45 : Informing Cameron

"Hey, how was the weekend?" Chase said as he walked into House's office to see the man fiddling with a broken guitar and raised an eyebrow.

House put the broken guitar on the side of the bed and waved Chase in, "Is the rest of the team here yet?" he asked.

"No, just me at the moment but I wanted to go to..." Chase was saying before House cut him off.

"Great, I need a prescription of Ketamine and Viagra," House said in a rush wanting to get it out before the others started to show up.

Chase shook his head wishing he'd never heard the request and only getting more concerned. "I can understand the Viagra, not that I want to know that much about you but why would you want ketamine?" He asked but House said nothing and his stomach sank more. "House, what do you plan to do with the ketamine?"

"Look, this is better for everyone if you just don't over think it. Write the prescriptions and forget about it," House instructed.

Chase shook his head, "I'm not writing you a prescription without a reason," he said seriously as stared at his boss. "You can depend on me for a lot of things but helping you rape someone is too much."

House rolled his eyes at the stupidity of his employee, "You're an idiot. Do you really think I would ask for a prescription of ketamine in my own name if I was going to use it to commit a crime? The medicine is for me, both of them are, now hurry up and write them before the rest of the team starts to get here."

"But why would you need the ketamine?" Chase said not giving up.

"I'm going home tonight, it's for pain," House said trying to hurry it along.

Chase narrowed his eyes, "No way Wilson would let you leave here without bringing pain meds. If you want me to write the script then you're going to have to tell me the truth."

House didn't want to tell him, it was none of his business but at the same time in ten hours he was going to be home with James and he wanted to be able to give James the physical relationship he needed. He needed to keep James because he couldn't survive losing him. "I was raped and I just want to be able to have sex with James without... having a panic attack or flashback," he said with a clenched jaw as he stared at his cover.

Chase stared at House unable to speak. He knew House was telling the truth and that it had been a hard truth to say out loud especially to someone who he wasn't that close with. He hated the shame he saw on the incredible man who'd taught him so much and wanted to help but was giving him drugs so he could dope himself up enough to handle having sex with another man really helping? Was it his place to judge? "I don't know what you're going through but.."

"No you don't so stop there," House said in a dark low voice that brought goose bumps to your skin. "I love him and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose him because I can't stay calm enough for sex."

Chase felt his heart break for the man, "Wilson wouldn't want it this way," he said with tenderly laced with sympathy.

"And I don't want to lose him," House said seriously. "He's already cheated on me and if I don't do this he's going to end up leaving me. I just want to have sex with the man I love and keep him as long as possible before this fucking cancer kills me," he said looking up at Chase.

Chase's eyes watered at the request, "I'm only going to give you one dose."

"Thank you," House said and swallowed, "don't tell the others about the medicine or about the rape, please."

"No, of course I won't say anything," Chase said softly. "House, you don't have anything to be ashamed of though. There isn't anything you could of done to deserve that." He said knowing that the man had a bad habit of tearing himself down.

House's eyes watered at Chase's words and the sincerity of his voice, "Right," he said knowing that logical it was true but his heart still ached with shame and guilt.

Chase blinked to keep himself from crying and noticed some purple bruises around House's arms and suddenly he became concerned and suspicious. "What happened there to your arm?" He asked to see House immediately cover the matching bruises.

"Nothing important," House answered looking at the broken guitar.

"And to the guitar?" Chase asked with growing worry but House didn't answer he just shrugged running his hand over the messed up strings. There was something about the way he moved that crushed Chase, there was fear in his body language, something that until today he'd never thought was possible in House. House knew who'd hurt him and broken his guitar but didn't say out of fear and loyalty just like an abused wife or child. "It's happened before, hasn't it?"

House looked at him with an unreadable expression, "What are you talking about?"

"All of it, the sexual assaults and things like that bruise," Chase said with a tight jaw as he knew he was right by the absence of disagreement from his boss and friend. He took a couple of deep breath to try and keep calm. House was a dick at times but he wasn't usually a violent man, the only times House had raised a hand to anyone was to either save a patient or the one time he'd been in horrible pain because of detoxing. He studied his patient more and reached for his head to barely feel a recent scar before House pulled away with wide eyes. "Let me guess, it was an accident and I just wouldn't understand," he said trying to keep his emotions under control. "He didn't mean to? It won't happen again? That's about all the classics right?"

"How about I don't give a fuck what you think or if he makes me bleed as long as he'll kiss me afterwords, have you heard that one before?" House said sitting up straighter. "I'm not some defenseless woman who's to afraid to leave. I have over six guns hidden in my place, if I didn't want him there he wouldn't be there."

"So you're telling me you want him to hurt you?" Chase asked taking a step back with disgust.

House sighed, "I'm saying that it's complicated and I'm not going to cry about a couple of bruises. I'm an asshole and sometimes I push him too far and he restrains me to try and make me listen. It isn't like he's punching me in the face or beating me."

"Would you stop him if he did?" Chase asked with challenging eyes.

House open his mouth but shut it as he heard the door open to the DDX room. "Just get me the prescriptions," he whispered watching the door.

"I'm worried about you and what might..." Chase was saying with sad puppy dog eyes when House interrupted.

House cringed on the inside at Chase's sympathy and water filled eyes, "Don't, just because I like men doesn't mean I do that," he said with narrowed eyes looking at Chase with discomfort and irritation.

Chase swallowed a knot in his throat, "If something bad happened to you..."

"Like what?!" House said in a loud whisper hoping no one else was listening in. "The whole point of this is to be fucked, so as long as I get fucked it's a success."

"But what if he's rough and hurts you?" Chase asked in a concerned whisper.

House had already thought about that, "I don't care," he said looking back at the guitar.

Chase felt his eyes well up with tears again. House didn't care if Wilson hurt him. "I care," he said trying to keep the emotion out of his voice.

House shrugged his shoulder, "That makes you the only one that does. You already said you'd get them for me so are you going to honor it or not?" he asked forcing himself to meet Chase's eyes.

Chase felt his chin shake but he nodded, "Yeah, if that's what you want," he said his accent more heavy as it always was when he got emotional. He turned to the door but didn't move, "I think of you like a dad," he said his head dipped, "please be careful for once in you life," he finished and then left.

11111111111111

House was surprised when Cameron walked in his room at noon with several bags. He watched as she replace empty bags with full ones while making note on a clipboard. She was trying for him to pretend that she was okay with everything. "Hey, remember that time you quit because you had problems with that big black guy the hospital hired? He was all like, 'Hey sweet mama', and you were all like, 'I ain't no howler back girl'?"

Cameron tried not to smile, "I don't remember anything quite like that," she said professionally.

"And got rid of him for you and came to your door begging you to come back?" House asked and saw her cheeks flush as she swallowed.

"That sounds familiar," she said trying to keep her eyes cool and dismissive.

He swallowed as he looked at her. Sometimes he forgot how pretty she was, her light brown hair, deep green eyes and clear smooth skin. He didn't love her but that didn't mean he was blind. She was a beautiful, attractive woman that had been throwing herself at him for years. "God, you're gorgeous," he said softly with a frown as he started really thinking about how much it was going to hurt her to find out about him and Wilson. Cameron blinked at him in surprise and he grimaced, "I said that out loud?" he asked.

"Yes," Cameron said flushing darker, "thank you," she added watching him with wide eyes.

House moved uncomfortably in his bed, the last thing he needed right now was an erection. He looked away from her to the bed, "I know you like me and even though," he looked at her, "I don't like you in the same way and I don't want to hurt you," he said his voice becoming softer.

She blinked at him her cheeks crimson and looked down, "I'm over it. I'm even seeing someone else," she said lifting her eyes to his chest but not able to look him in the eyes.

He frowned as he watched her try to stay strong, "Sit down on the bed," he asked.

Cameron looked at the bed and him with want and sadness, "I'm with someone else," she said helplessly as his hand took hers and guided her down.

House started at her hand in his remembering the night at the Monster Truck show and the date they had. "I'm with someone and I didn't want you to hear it from anyone besides me. I feel like I owe you that," he said watching her to see her eyes widen.

"Oh," she managed to say as her heart broke some and she looked down at his hand as it rubbed hers.

"I'm dating Wilson," he said looking up to see her give him a dirty look and pull away.

Cameron scoffed as she stood up, "Wow, that's a good one, House. How long did it take you to come up with that joke!" She said with disgust.

"It's not a joke," House said with some irritation that everyone seemed to think it was.

"Fuck you," she said as she turned to leave.

"I love him, I've always loved him," he said to see her hesitate on a step. "That's why I spend every minute a day I can with him. That's why I pull him in on cases that sometimes have nothing to do with cancer is just so I can be around him. That's why I turn into a bigger ass when he is dating or marring some woman that can't love him half as much as I do," he said to see her look at him with shock. "I spent the last decade pretending not to be completely in love with my best friend. I've been his best man and sat outside of casino hotel rooms while he fucked some woman he met on slots. I know what it's like to be on the outside wanting in and that's why I wanted to tell you face to face."

Cameron tried to compose herself as she sat back down on the bed, "You're gay?" she asked looking at the guitar.

"No, I'm bisexual," House said watching her as she tried to take it in.

The more she thought about it the more sense it made. She'd never really pegged House as a bisexual but at the same time it didn't surprise her given his no boundaries / rules way of life. Given that House was bisexual it became very obvious that he'd had 'more than friends' feelings toward Wilson for a long time. House had been the one to talk Wilson into joining the Hospital staff, he'd been the one to push Cuddy to have their offices side by side and he literally was obsessed with the man. Wilson was the only person House genuinely seemed to have any desire to see or be around. "Good for you," she said with a heart felt smile.

His brows furrowed at her reaction which wasn't at all what he'd expected but then again she could just be putting on a strong front but it was usually easy to see through with her. "So, you're okay?"

Cameron nodded, "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, as long as he does that for you I'm happy," she said as her grin widened. "So how long have you two been together?" she asked barely containing the squeal of excitement.

House was shocked she wasn't giving him the 'this is dangerous' lecture like Chase and Foreman had. "Almost a month," he responded.

She flushed, "Well now it makes since why Wilson offered to take up night duties and his cot never looks slept in," she said with a knowing look.

He felt his ears redden with embarrassment, "I doubt it will last long but until I run him off like everyone else, night duties are covered."

"Don't think like that. You two have always had something very special and it's only going to get better now that you two are together. No wonder Wilson's been so protective and moody lately, who wouldn't be if their lover was going through something like this," she said with as her heart empathized with Wilson's struggles since she'd been through the same thing with her first husband. "The struggles you two are going through right now aren't about your love for one another it's with this cancer."

House thought about her words, "I only made this harder on him by asking him to be my doctor."

"Do you think it would be any easier for him if he had to sit on the side lines while another doctor approached your treatment differently than he would, especially if he has a better survival rate? Do you REALLY think he would blame himself any less if something happened if he sat back and did nothing?" Cameron asked to see realization dawn on him. "If you don't beat this cancer he's going to blame himself no matter what, that's what happens when you pledge yourself to love and protect someone. I know doctors aren't suppose to treat family and friends because emotions can change the way a doctor would normally think but that's not always a bad thing! Wilson knows you better than anyone, he knows when he has to be tougher with you and he knows when to tread lightly. You trust him more than you would any other doctor and because of your relationship he can truly see how the medications and cancer are effecting you. I don't think that's a bad thing."

There was a smile in his eyes, "You're the only one that doesn't think it's bad that he's treating me."

"If that were true you wouldn't still have him as your doctor. You haven't changed the medical world by playing by the rules, so why would you start playing by them when you're life is on the line? Wilson is smart and capable plus he actually has a interest in your recovery," she said as if it was obvious.

"How do you feel about weddings?" House asked to see her eyes widen. "You don't have to answer that I know you love weddings. Maybe if I don't die and James is stupid enough to stay with me you could plan ours. I'm betting you'd have a knack for that kind of stuff."

Cameron blinked in shock at the fact that House would actually consider marriage to anyone and her heart warm at the thought. "I'd love too, whenever you two are ready for that," she said smiling as she tried to picture House and Wilson's wedding and could see a monster truck instead of a limo waiting for them to ride off in the sunset with. "I'm guessing the others know," she asked with an understanding look to see him respond with a nod. "Permission to screw with their heads," she asked with a smirk.

He rose an interested eyebrow, "With my blessing, little one, but James is off limits," he said clearly with a smile as he wondered what she had planned for the guys.

1111111111

"Hey," Wilson said walking in from the DDX room, "how you feeling?"

House shrugged, "I'll be better when we get out of here for a couple of days," he said sitting up more.

Wilson nodded sitting down on the bed and leaned in to Greg's ear, "So am I paranoid or does the whole team know?"

House smiled, "They all know," he whispered against James ear and then kissed it.

Wilson pulled away, "Whoa, no starting anything we can't finish. I wanted to get an idea of how disappointed you'd be if I let Cuddy take you home, since I'm not getting out of here until at least six and you are officially done with today's dose of treatments?"

House let out a frustrated but understanding sigh, "What came up?"

Wilson frowned, "Two patients died," he said glancing away from Greg and swallowing as he tried not to imagine how he'd survive if Greg died, "and I've got to get paperwork into the insurance company."

"Who were they?" House asked knowing how much his patients meant to him.

Wilson blinked at Greg in surprise, "Um... Julie a ten year old girl who's made it three years past her diagnoses and Jacob a sixty-two year old man who finally reconnected with some of his family while undergoing treatments. Why did you want to know?"

House held his hand, "Anything that matters to you matters to me. Are you alright?" he asked with concern.

Wilson's eyes watered as he smiled, "I'm as good as I can be," he said with emotion.

House moved over in the bed and guided Wilson beside him while wrapping his arms around his lover. "I'm sorry, baby, but you know it isn't your fault," he said softly kissing the side of his head.

Wilson blinked tears from his eyes as he allowed himself to break in those strong loving arms. "She was only ten, Greg. I owe her better than this, the world owes her more and Jacob reminds me so much of you," he said looking in his lovers beautiful blue eyes. "He was so lonely and he'd just started rebuilding relationships when... when he..."

"Shhhh," House said pulling Wilson's face against his chest. He leaned his head down kissing the dark brown hair of the only man he'd hold this way. "You did your best, I know you did because you always give your all to your patients," he said against the hair and rested his chin on the warm head. "Which is more than I can say for your appearance this morning. Did you think just because everyone knows and it's official you don't have to try anymore?" He asked teasingly.

Wilson snorted, pretty much blowing his nose of Greg's shirt and shook his head, "No I just couldn't sleep and wanted to be up here as soon as possible. I know I have to look horrible. I just slept in my clothes in the recliner and finally had enough."

"Did you just blow your nose on me and wipe it off on my chest?" House asked in false disgust.

"No," Wilson said looking up at Greg to feel soft warm lips against his. It took him a moment to respond as Greg gently nudged him on his back while he stroked his hair with his hand as he kissed him. Wilson raked a hand through Greg's hair pulling the man closer so he could deepen the kiss.

House pulled back to get a gasp of air as he continued kissing down James's neck, "I might not be a religious man but I want to worship you, James," he whispered in between kisses. "I want to taste every inch of you and feel your heartbeat in my veins. Let me taste you, baby," he groaned as his kisses lowered.

Wilson bit his lips hard to keep from moaning as his eyes rolled back in his head as Greg sucked on his nipple. "Greg, this isn't the plaAAace," he said pulling back as Greg had tried to slip a hand down his pants. "Not here, at home tonight, alright?" he asked to see Greg nod while licking his red lips. Wilson couldn't stop looking at those naughty hot red lips and imagining where all they would be tonight. "God help me, I don't know if I'll survive till then," he said lifting his eyes to Greg's shiny blue eyes on him with a sadness that vanished in a second. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," House said quickly covering, "I just hate to see you upset is all."

"You sure that's all there is?" Wilson asked stroking the side of Greg's face with concern to watch Greg nod and he let it go. "So, you want to wait up here or do you want me to get Cuddy to give you a ride home sooner?"

House pretended to think about it, "If Cuddy brought me home then I could relax some before you go home and you could pick up dinner," he voiced out loud giving Wilson an expectant look.

"I'll pick you up whatever you want my sexy boy toy," Wilson said with a coy smile of his own. Greg leaned in whispering in Wilson's ear to which he started laughing, "Ummm... I don't think they sell choir boys with hard thick cocks," he said swallowing as he got turned on as Greg continued to whisper. "I... I think I can help with that burning hunger but we might also need nutritional food to keep us going."

House sighed tossing his head back as if he was annoyed with the thought of having to eat first, "I guess I could eat some sushi if you...

"No, raw proteins while your immune system is down," Wilson said to see a too cute pout on Greg's lips. "Hey, don't use you're super powers against me, you know I'm right about this," he said running his hand up and down Greg's long lean torso.

"Whoa, does this mean you're going to make me eat," his mouth grimaced, "well-done steaks?"

"Only until you're better," Wilson said softly.

House rolled his eyes, "I hate you right now," he said pouting.

Wilson couldn't resist that lip as he leaned up kissing it and sucking on it, which made Greg gasp and start kissing back. He let himself go in that kiss to the touches and feelings. When he finally pulled back Greg was giving him a hand job with out a shirt on and they both were panting with lust filled eyes. "God you're sneaky," he said flushed as he pulled back from Greg. "We'll finish this later tonight, I promise," he said getting out of the bed to zip up his pants.

House swallowed, "Let me taste it ,Jimmy," he said rubbing the hard penis with his hand.

Wilson's mouth fell at the question and he let out a deep groan when those swollen burning lips slipped down on him. "Greg," he whispered as he could feel himself already on the edge.

House started humming and soon tasted the tangy salty shots of his lover in his mouth. "Mmmmm," he moaned as he sucked the hard member dry.

Wilson grabbed a hold of the bed as Greg continued to suck him and his legs wobbled. "I swear you're like a teenager. How am I ever going to keep up with you and work?" he asked with a warm smile.

House swallowed as he removed his mouth from James's genitals, "I've already told you that you don't have to work. You can live as my sex slave and personal chef. I'm fine with it," he said bouncing his eye brows with a smile.

"I might take you up on that offer after you get better," he said with a smile and then frowned as Stacy's words hit his thoughts. "Greg, are you doing this because you're afraid I'm going to leave you?" Wilson asked with concern.

House kept his face neutral, as he wondered how Wilson would have put that together. "I like sucking your cock and you seemed to be pretty happy about it so does it matter why I begin it?" he asked.

Wilson's concern grew but he figured that was a conversation for the house. "I love you," he said leaning down and kissing Greg deeply tasting himself on Greg which was somehow too hot and sexy. He pulled away with flushed cheeks as he zipped up his pants around his still hard cock. "Thanks for... the pep-talk," he said blushing more.

House smirked at him, "You might want to go out the other door, you're face so says 'I've just had incredible sex.'" He said to see James blush more and hurry out of the hall door.

"Wilson, I was just lookin..." Cuddy stop in the middle of her sentence and rose an eyebrow as her eyes showed disappointment. "You can't have sex with him during work hours," she said with a frown.

Wilson's felt like he was going to have a heart attack as panic set over him and he ducked his head, "Is it really that obvious?!" he asked trying to sneak in his office before anyone else noticed.

"Yes," Cuddy said honestly as she followed him into the office and closed the door. "Like I said no sex during working hours. I thought you two hadn't started having sex yet anyways?" she half asked.

Wilson quickly popped a piece of cinnamon gum in his mouth, "No intercourse, but oral sex is good," he said to see her eye the gum suspicious with a slightly disgusted look. "I would have brushed my teeth if I had been the instigator in this," he said with a sigh as he fell into his chair. "I was wanting to talk to you too."

She sat down with a air of irritation, "What is it?"

He frowned at her attitude, "I was wanting to see how things went with Greg last night. I noticed the haircut and just wanted to make sure he's okay."

Cuddy felt a little disappointed that Wilson was asking about House with concern, she'd been looking for an excuse to yell at him. "He's... he had a hard time being away from you that long. He even had me steal your coat so that he could smell it for comfort to feel closer to you. He decided to cut his hair so that he didn't have to worry about doing it when he started losing his hair," she answered. "Was that all?"

Wilson gritted his teeth but let it go, "No, actually I was wondering if you could run Greg home today. I lost two patients and need to get the paperwork done since I'm off for the next two days with Greg. I know it will be after six before I get home so do you think you might can run him home before then. He's already done with his treatments for today."

She narrowed her eyes on him, "If I do this you have to come straight home. No visits to your little friends," she said firmly.

He rolled his eyes, "I'm coming straight home except to get us dinner, unless you think I should starve him?"

"Don't be a smart-ass with me, you're the one that kisses your friends while in a relationship," Cuddy said standing up. "Also I need to get at least half of House's clinic hours covered by the end of the week. "I suggest that you have the team put in three hours each in a rotation during the next two days when House is out and that way they will all be covered without you having to take time away from him."

"Fine, you want to tell them when you pick him up or would you rather I tell them," Wilson asked.

"I'm sure I can handle it," she said and left.


	46. Chapter 46 : Preparing for Love

House took the back way out of the hospital in order to run into less people, which also meant Lisa had to get the car and pull it around for him. He smiled as he saw her pull up to the back loading area he was sitting in. He stood up grabbing the car for support as his legs felt weary and hated the relief he felt when he heard the clacking of Lisa's shoes. He tried to ignore her as she folded up his wheelchair and put it in the back of her SUV. She opened his door and watched as he hesitantly grabbed at it to fall into it. She wrapped an arm around him helping him in the car. "Thanks," he said softly looking down at the floor board.

"You're an idiot," she said back playfully and got in the drivers side.

He stretched out and pops echoed from his bones, "Do you have time to ride around a little bit before you dump me off?" he asked looking out as he tried to get comfortable in the chair.

"I'm off the rest of the night," Cuddy said with concern, "and I had no intention of 'dumping' you off. There are still things you can't do for yourself and I'm not leaving you home alone like that so if you want to go riding for a bit that's fine with me."

House nodded and tried to relax as she just drove, "Do you think it's sexier to wear lingerie or nothing?" he asked staring out the window with a slight cringe of the corner of his eyes.

Her eyebrows jumped up, "Um... I've gotten better responses with lingerie but I'm not sure if it works the same way when you're a man. Being a man don't you already know the answer to these questions?" she asked watching him.

He slumped down some, "I only know what I like. I just figured you'd been with more men than I have is all."

Cuddy could see the sense in that, "What kind of lingerie would you be considering?"

"Never mind, it's stupid," House said with a tight jaw as he looked out the window with nervous concern.

She glanced at him and decided to pull over so she could give the conversation her full attention when she did she noticed him tense up. "I know you probably don't care what I have to say about this but... Greg, you don't have to do this tonight and you shouldn't do this at all if it's to keep him from leaving or cheating. I know you, sex isn't meaningless for you." She said tenderly putting her hand on top of his.

"No, it's a punishment...," he whispered to the window with hurt features that only lasted for a second before he looked at her. "Don't pretend to understand, it just makes you sound stupid. I'm not like you, I'm not attractive and I'm dying, whether you want to admit it or not, I probably won't live much longer and all I want to do is spend the last bit of time I have with him. I WANT him to fuck me, even if I'm not sure how well it will go. I WANT to suck his COCK! I'm doing what I WANT with him, he isn't FORCING me to do anything. He isn't tying me up and forcing me to give him a blow job or threatening to leave if I don't put out." He said with a scowl, "And how do you think me having sex with the man I love could ever be meaningless?"

Cuddy's mouth opened to answer as her cheeks flushed but nothing would come out so she closed it to think. "I just wanted to make sure that your..."

"I'm as prepared as I ever am going to be. I want this and I want it to go well but... there's never going to be any kind of guarantee that it'll ever go well I've accepted that." House said with certainty. "If you have a problem with me WANTING to have sex with a man, if you find it... disgusting or unnat.."

She shook her head as she interupted him, "No! No, Greg, I didn't mean it like that. I think the two of you would be hot! I'm not at all offended by it. I just don't want you to get hurt." She explained to see him watching her with a surprised look. "What?"

"Hot?" he asked skeptically, "That was a bit of an oversell."

Cuddy blushed some and swallowed, "I'm not making it up," she said as she felt the car get hotter. She looked up at him, "Just because your a blind idiot who can't see how sexy and hot you are doesn't mean I am and James isn't bad."

House felt her hand give his a squeeze as she looked in his eyes with love and need. He quickly turned his head as he felt his neck and ears flush. "So, if I were getting ready for you, what would you have me wear?" he asked hesitantly.

She licked her lips, "Personally I loved undressing you, but what would be most comfortable for you?"

He chewed the inside of his cheek, "I don't want him to see the scars on my back," he said with fear in his eyes.

"How about a robe?" Cuddy asked eager to help him put the worry behind him.

House shrugged, "Maybe... I don't know," he said and swallowed. "You think I could look okay in one?"

She smile and started back up the car. When she stopped they were in front of a sex shop, "Come on, we'll be able to find something in here." She said with a smile.

He shook his head, "Not here, I have a place I go, a place I feel comfortable with if you don't mind taking me there?" He asked and soon they were on there way.

Cuddy was surprised that the place looked nice and modern outside with out any indications of being a sex shop. "How long have you been going here?" she asked while parking.

"Last five years or so, I found out about it on a blog for sexually abused men," House said as he struggled to get out of the car. He had just managed to get out when Cuddy pushed the wheelchair up to him. He got in with irritation and wheeled up to the door were a large man was standing.

The man looked House up and down then frowned, "Dr. Love, I hope this is only a temporary situation for you."

"Just caught a little cancer, you know how it's always spreading around, Muscles" House said trying to sound light hearted.

'Muscles' looked extremely concerned by House's words. "If there is anything I can do let me know. I still owe you for saving my wife and brother." He said and then looked to Cuddy, "He is a very special man, very giving."

She gave him a warm smile, "Yes, I know. I'm his boss."

Muscles eyes widened at that and then scanned her over, "Dr. Love doesn't lie," he said with a smile.

She looked to House who was wearing a coy smile, "So I might have mentioned I worked for a smoking hot babe."

Muscles grinned at both of them and held the door so they could enter. The door opened into a decent sized empty entrance which only had two doors, one marked enter and the other exit. They entered to find themselves inside a three story sex shop with a large open circle in the middle of the second and third floor so you could see up all of them. "Welcome to Passions..." the woman stopped in the middle of her speech as she looked at House. "Dr. Love, what happened to you, sweetie?" She asked with true concern.

"Don't worry about it, I'm fine. Is one of the back rooms open?" he asked as he tried to ignore the popping of a whip that he heard on the second floor.

"Yes, certainly," she said and started walking off to the right, "I'm putting you in you're regular room and I'll get Erick to help you and what can I get you to drink?"

"Three fingers of the Scotch," House said and visibly started to relax as he rolled in the room.

"Great, and for you ma'am?" she asked giving Cuddy a friendly smile

Cuddy was a bit surprised that room looked like a living room, actually it had some similarities to Greg's living room. There was a large flat screen tv, a big leather couch a recliner, some end tables, a coffee table, some book shelves filled with sex magazines, and a refrigerator. She looked to see Greg move from the wheelchair to the couch and frown. "Um.. he can't have the Scotch and nothing for me."

He glared at Cuddy then looked back at the woman who looked confused, "She's trying to get pregnant, thinks she's my mother or something. I'll have the Scotch," he said then looked to Cuddy. "I'm done with the cancer treatments for two day, I'm going to enjoy them!"

The woman gave House a sympathetic look, "I'll send Erick in with your drink," she said leaving quietly.

"It's clean, they don't use these rooms for that," House said trying to relax.

She walked around to the other side of the couch and after a quick inspection she set down, "Then what are these rooms for?"

He swallowed looking away, "For people who can't handle normal sex stores... they are designed to make you feel like you're in a safe place," he said gesturing to the room. "Before Tritter showed up my living room was my safe zone, so my room looks like a living room."

Cuddy frowned, "What's your safe zone now?"

"There isn't one," House said and looked toward the opening door to see a small young man enter.

"Dr. Love, what can I do for you today?" Erick asked. His eyes moved to Cuddy and the wheelchair but he didn't ask about either one.

"I... have a special night planned and I was needing a robe," he said trying to sound casual but the way he was tapping his foot gave away that he was nervous.

Erick nodded, "Wonderful, do you have a certain color in mind?" he asked putting the Scotch down in front of him.

House looked to Cuddy who looked to Erick. She gave him a awkward smile. "I personally think he looks best in blue!" she suggested.

"No, not blue. All the cloths I've been wearing at the hospital were blue and so were those stupid gowns. I don't want him associating me with that place, at least for these two days off," House said. "What about black?"

"No! I'm sorry but the last color you need is slimming black, plus you're so pale you'll look like a vampire in a black robe," she stated.

Erick grimaced, "She has a point. Can you explain the evening you have planed?"

House's cheeks and ears reddened as he avoided looking at Lisa. "I've been seeing a male friend of mine..."

"Oh! Are you and Jimmy finally together?" Erick ask coming closer with excitement.

He could feel her eyes on him but ignored the smirk as he turned more red, "Yes and tonight I want to present him with a decent looking package that's ready for play."

"Ahhhh," Erick said thinking, "and am I correct to understand that you will be on the receiving end of tonight's progressions?" He asked to see Dr. Love nod. "What's his size?"

House swallowed, "Seven by three and a half around," he said wishing Cuddy wasn't in the room.

"Okay, give me a couple of minutes and I'll bring some options," Erick said then left.

She rolled her eyes as he took a sip of the Scotch. "He knows about James?"

He shrugged, "He asked about my sexual orientation the first time I came here, so I told him."

"What kind of issues do you have with sex shops? I would think if it was just the leather and chain stuff you could just not go in that section," Cuddy said watching him.

House took another sip of his drink, "It's not just that part. I can hear something or see a image of something on a package and I'll freeze up if I'm lucky or freak the fuck out if I'm not."

Erick opened the door, "Alright, I believe we have some good options here." He said closing the door and walking in. "Here's a red robe with a red anal trainer or plug," he said putting them down on the coffee table to see House shake his head firmly no. "And here is a purple robe with light blue and white striping that I think would look really good on you with a purple big boy prostate massage, that is made to be used hands free. We'd talked about the idea of trying this one." He said putting them down on the coffee table.

House tried not to blush in front of Cuddy but had a feeling he was failing miserably. "Can I sit on this fairly comfortably?"

"Yes, it's made to be sat on and rocked on. It's shape and design are meant for prostate stimulation plus it is a good consistent width instead of the diameter shrinking a lot at the sphincter." Erick said with a pleased smile.

Cuddy looked at the robe, "I think the purple would look good on you," she said trying not to look at the sex toy that was intended for his ass.

He gave Erick a nod, "Okay, looks good."

"I'll have this wrapped for you," he said to House then looked to Cuddy, "and is there anything we might get for you?"

Cuddy's cheeks reddened, "No, I'm fine, thank you," she said quickly.

"Oh, Cuddles, don't be shy," he said with a grin and looked to Erick. "She likes them big."

She glared at him with burning cheeks, "I'm perfectly capable for looking for my own sex toys!"

House gave her a cold look, "Good for you," he said.

"Not everyone is as fortunate as you and I," Erick said in a slightly scolding tone.

Cuddy felt her cheeks flush some as Erick left, "I didn't mean..."

"It's fine," House said taking a deep breath and drinking the rest of his Scotch. "You ready to go?" he asked trying to move into his wheelchair.

She stood up and moved to help him but he did it on his own before she could get to him. "Wait," she said putting a hand on his shoulder. "I know you were probably just being funny and I... I jumped you about it more than was necessary and I'm sorry for that. It's just... that's what I've always done but I'm going to work on it."

He didn't look at her, "It's fine, let's go," he said rolling to the door.

She wanted to really talk to him more but the shaking in his hands made her decide it could wait. She was following him to the front when he suddenly stopped looking a head with big eyes. She followed his gaze to the man and recognized Detective Micheal Tritter. An anger filled her as he smiled at them.

Tritter's eyes gleamed as he saw the tremble in House's hand as he walked up to them. "Hi, Dr. House, you look a bit pathetic... and what happened to you and Dr. Wilson? He didn't leave you already, did he?" he asked.

House forced words to come out. "We're still together and if you touch him I'll kill you," he said sharply.

"Get the hell away from us," Cuddy said glaring at the man.

"Oh, Dr. Cuddy, I almost didn't notice you there. I wonder, do you take all of your employees to sex stores or just the ones you purger yourself for?" Tritter asked with a snake of a smile. "I wonder what the board of the hospital would think about you being seen here with Dr. House."

She gritted her teeth, "I don't know. They'd probably feel about the same way as your bosses would if they found out that you extorted sex from him in exchange for keeping his feelings toward Wilson private."

Tritter tusked as he looked to House. "Now that's not really true, is it Dr. House. I don't think what I did to you could really be called sex. It was more like me fucking you against your will but with your consent." He said fondly, "Remember the time I took you out to the park on that really cold night and fucked you up against a tree (chuckle) and that couple almost caught us but I warned you that if they did I'd pay a visit to Wilson's and you got super quiet even though I could feel you ripping inside. If my memory serves me well, that was during the time you were detoxing because of your sweet Dr. Wilson."

House had regained some of his composer during Tritter's bragging. His eyes were cold and face bored. "Micheal," he said knowing Tritter would hate being stripped of his title and referred to by his given name, "I know you miss me, but stocking me down in stores is a bit... desperate. What we had was never meant to last." He said making sure to keep his voice bored yet confident.

Tritter visibly gritted his teeth. He didn't want anyone to ever think he'd been in a relationship with House, he wanted to yell that he'd raped the proud strong man but he knew he couldn't if he wanted to keep his badge which allowed him access to such deals as he'd had with House. "Don't flatter yourself, we just happened to cross paths is all. I've moved on to other things," he said with a smile while a thin small boy with tattoos behind him shuttered. "But if you get lonely after James is through with you then give me a call and I'll see if I can fit you in," he said with a venomous smile.

Cuddy snarled at him, "You'll never touch him again you sick son of a bitch," she whispered harshly.

House eyes were on the poor boy Tritter had probably extorted for sex also. "He's not legal, you know," he said raising his voice so the staff could hear.

Tritter gave House a warning look, "Sure he is, see all of those tattoos, you have to be eighteen to get those." He said as his eyes boarded into House, "Plus if you take away my new flavor I might be forced to go back to old things." He said to see House's jaw tighten in response.

"Sir, I'm sorry but I need to see you're Drivers License," Erick said walking up to the group and speaking to the boy. The boy quickly took out his wallet and handed over his ID while his hand shook. Erick was looking it over when House rolled up beside him and tilted it to reveal it was missing the special ink on top. Erick glanced to House, "Thank you," he said then looked back to the boy with a frown, "I'm sorry but without a proper ID you're not allowed to be in here. Please leave or I will be forced to call security about this."

The boy shook his head, "Please," he said desperately, "you don't understand... I have to do this or.." the boys pleading was stopped as Tritter slapped him hard across the face making the boy fall harshly on the floor.

"The man said to leave you filthy little lair," Tritter said gruffly as the boy looked up at him as blood ran from his mouth. He licked his lips at the sight of fear and blood, "If I catch your ass again with that fake ID you'll regret it, you understand."

Erick moved to help the boy up, "Are you okay, sir? I can call the authorities if you..." Erick was cut off by the boy.

"No! Please! No more cops, I'll go, I'll go!" he said jerking away from Erick and running out the door.

Erick looked confused and disturbed by the boy then he looked back to Tritter with suspicion, "If you ever hit anyone in this store again your membership will be pulled. We don't allow such violent behavior in this establishment, do I make myself clear?" He said watching Tritter with cautious eyes.

Tritter gave Erick a sweet polite smile, "Of course, I must of lost control when I found out he'd lied to me about his age. It wont happen again," he insured Erick.

Erick still didn't look convinced but gave Tritter a nod and then looked to House, "I have you ready to check out, Sir."

House looked up to Tritter who gritted his teeth as he moved out of his way and they went to the front and paid out.


	47. Chapter 47 : A Boy Like Me

**Happy New Years Eve Everyone! Wanted to let all my readers out there know how much I appreciate you reading and reviewing my stories so every story is getting a update today, the last day of the year! Thank you all so much you're reviews and feedback has meant the world to me. Nicole**

"I can't believe the nerve of that guy," Cuddy said walking out of the building. "He thinks he can just do whatever the hell he wants too, like he's God and everyone on this planet is here to serve him!" She said furiously as she walked to the passenger side of the car. "He didn't even care that I knew. What makes him so confident I wouldn't tell on him?" She asked as she helped House in the passenger side seat.

"How old do you think that boy was?" House asked in just a touch more than a whisper.

She frowned as they both knew he had to be really young. "Maybe sixteen," she said folding up the wheelchair and putting it in the back seat.

He closed his eyes hating himself for what he'd caused that scared young boy. If he'd just kept his mouth shut then this boy wouldn't have to be suffering at Tritter's hands. He knew what it was like to be used at that age, not completely understanding why it was happening. Knowing that he meant for it to hurt but not why he kept coming back to you. Wondering what you had done.

_Greg's heart raced as he heard his parents bedroom door open and shut. He kept telling himself that it was his mother going to the restroom but he knew it wasn't. He closed his eyes tightly praying he'd be left alone tonight. He was still recovering from a bad beating he'd received from his father the night before, two broken fingers and a cracked rib. He shook his head as the footsteps moved down the hall to the backdoor. He pressed his thin body closer to the burlap potato sack he slept on under the house, but the door still opened. His body started shaking on it's own as the foot steps got closer and then he gasped as his neck was jerked back by the heavy chain that was around it and attached to a huge oak tree by the house. He sunk his fingers into the damp earth but they slipped as he was being pulled by the chain out from the house. He felt his stomach shake and his bowels boil as the cold winter air hit him and he saw his father looking down at him with a bottle of whiskey in his hand._

"_You're fucking filthy," John said looking at the shaking nude boy at his feet. He took a swig of whiskey and handed the bottle to the boy. "Have a drink, but if a drop of it hits the ground then you're licking it up," he said as he walked around to get the water-hose. _

_Greg wanted to crawl back under the house but time had taught him that would only make it worse. He drank the whiskey down knowing it was the only way he'd get back to sleep tonight and hoping it would help make him feel warmer. It was cold in the mid-thirties and he could hear the water running as his father turned on the hose. He wiped quickly at a couple of tears that came to his eyes... probably from the strong whiskey and took a couple more chugs from the bottle._

_John smiled as he took the bottle back from the boy, "Now that's how a man drinks," he said pleased. "Get in position," he said watching as the boy got on all fours with his legs spread apart. He took a long sip from the bottle first then put it to the side with the lid on it he spayed the boy down. He smirked as the boys muscles would contract as the freezing cold water hit it. "Have you gained control over your bowels yet?" He asked as he ran his hand along the boys smooth cold slick ass._

_Greg tried to stop it but he felt his stomach clinch and his bowel empty against his will. His head sunk in shame as he'd messed himself. "I'm... sorry," he said his small voice breaking some, "I don't know why my body does this."_

_John had moved his hand in time to not get anything on them and was already washing the boy back off. "You will learn how to control your bowel and until you do, you will get cleaned inside and out," he said gruffly and put the mouth of the hose inside Greg's bottom. John felt his body jerk as water filled his bowels, "When I take this out, what are you going to do?"_

"_Keep the water in, sir," Greg said as pain and sickness filled him. His father pulled the hose out of him and he clinched his bottom trying to keep it in._

_John watched his sons hole leaking slightly before closing up and nodded, "You're doing better," he said unbuckling his belt as he walked over to his son's mouth to have the boy start sucking him. "How old are you now?" he asked out of curiosity._

_Greg's wide eyes meet his father's wondering how he'd remember it was his birthday. He knew if he stopped the blow job his father would beat him and yet if he didn't answer the question he'd be beaten too. He held up a hand and flashed all five finger two times and two fingers once before putting it back on the ground._

"_Twelve..." John said to see the boy nod and hum on his dick. He took in a sharp breath as he almost wished the boy wasn't as good at that. He pulled his dick from the boys warm wet mouth and lifted it up. Greg immediately started sucking and massaging the testicles with his mouth. "Tonight should be special then, being that it's your birthday," John said looking down at the boy and admiring some of the old bruises on his body. He pulled the boys hair and he stopped dropping his head down. "You're finally learning to be a good boy," he said walking around to the back of the boy and running his hand long his ass. The hole quivered but stayed closed, "Okay let it out now," he said stepping back as he watched the liquid gush out of the child. "I guess we could do it inside, since it's your birthday," he said with a shrug as he rinsed the boy off again._

_Greg licked his lips hoping he'd get to go inside where it was warm and dry, "If you wish, Colonel," he said softly holding his head down in submission._

"_Sure," he said pulling a key from his pocket and undid the padlock from Greg's neck, "be quiet, we don't want to wake your mother," he said opening the door. _

_Greg quietly walked in and waited for his father to show him where he wanted him._

"Greg?!" Cuddy screamed for the fifth time and as his eyes opened and met hers she wasn't sure if she was more scared or relieved. "Are you alright? Do you want me to call Wilson?" she asked with concern.

House took some deep breath and noticed he was shaking and sweaty from the flashback, "I'm... STOP!" he yelled. She stopped the vehicle as fast as she could as her hear hammered in her chest at his scream. He threw the door open, "Get in, I'll help," House said to the boy from the sex shop as the cold rain came down hard.

The boy stopped in his tracks his eyes meeting the old mans. That was the man that Tritter had been talking the one that had outed him for being underage, both a blessing and a curse. He licked his lips should he hear the guy out or just run for it.

"I can help," House said as he could tell the boy was trying to decide what to do, "get in."

The boy looked at the nice car and chewed his lip, "I'm not for sale," the boy said watching the old man closely.

House visibly flinched at the words, "I don't want anything from you," he yelled.

"House, we don't know who or what this kid is," Cuddy said in a whisper.

The boy sighed as he ran up to the car and got in. He looked at the drivers side to see a pretty lady driving and tried to relax in the seat. "Where we going?" he asked watching every turn and street they took as he and his clothes dripped from already being soaked

"My home," House said looking at the boy with the rear view mirror. "I'm Dr. House," he said as he saw the boy meet his eyes in the mirror.

The boy looked a little surprised by his name, "Are you really a doctor?" he asked.

"Yes," House answered, "we both are."

Cuddy turned her head to the back at a red light, "I'm Dr. Cuddy," she said looking back at the road and driving.

The boy looked around the car and back and the older man, "Is Tritter the reason you're in a wheelchair?" he asked with panic in his voice.

"No, I have cancer and the treatments have been hard on me," House said truthfully meeting the boys eyes in the mirror again.

The boy chewed his lip some more, "My name is William. How did you know I was underage?" he asked.

House shrugged, "You're bones don't look.." he was talking when a police siren came on and he jerked his head to look at the source.

"He rape you too?" William asked as the older man took heavy breaths. Dr. House's eye met his and the boy frowned, "I thought so." He watched as a police car went south on a overpass above them. "Look, just because we got fucked by the same guy doesn't mean you owe me anything."

"How old are you?" House asked.

William let out a heavy sigh, "I'm not pressing charges against him so you can get that out of your head, alright?"

House searched the boys eyes, "I'm guessing 14," he said to see the boy look at him with shock.

"How'd you... everyone thinks I'm like 16 to 18. How do you know how old I am?" the boy asked as some fear and worry started to sink in.

"He's a genius," Cuddy said with giving House a slightly irritated look and looking back at the boy who rolled his eyes. "I'm not joking. He's literally a genius and he loves to make us regular folks feel like idiots for not knowing as much as he does," she said with a slight smile. William swallowed as the car began to park, wondering if he should just take off or if this guy really could help.

"How long ago did you run away from home?" House asked to see William stare at him in the mirror.

William could see the same pain in the old doctors eyes as he saw in his own, "I can't go back there," he said seriously.

"Come inside, I can't take the cold very long in my shape and we'll talk," House said as Cuddy got out of the car. William jerked away when the door opened but quickly realized she was just getting the wheelchair out for Dr. House. "No one is going to hurt you here," he said opening his door to get out of the car. William watched as Greg got in the wheelchair still debating. "I'm not going to force you to come in, but all I'm asking is you come in long enough to dry off and have a warm meal, then you can split if you want to and I'm not going to try and stop you."

William licked his lips, the sound of a warm meal was tempting as well as a warm dry place. He wanted to go with them so bad, "I can leave whenever I want," he said somehow making it sound like both a question and demand as he bounced his foot nervously.

House nodded as the icy rain made him shiver and the boy got out of the car. The three of them made a dash across the street and Cuddy pushed House up the ramp that had been installed for him. They were all shivering in the entrance hall as he fumbled trying to get his keys out of his backpack full of supplies with shaking hands.

"I've got it," Cuddy said getting out her key and opening the door. House rolled in without her assistance and the rest of them followed him. The apartment was warm and clean and Cuddy was grateful that Wilson had kept the heat on so that they did have to wait for the place to warm up. "You need to get out of those wet clothes," Cuddy said to House who was shaking.

House wanted to argue with her but he knew she was right, "I.. I ca... can wait," he said shivering hard as he felt cold to his bones.

"No, you can't," she said taking off her jacket that was drenched and putting it on his coat rack. "You're immune system is compromised and a cold could mean death for you. You are changing, I'll help," she insisted.

"I.. I don... don't .. need.. yo.. your help," House stuttered as he started rolling towards the back.

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "Yes you do you stubborn ass," she said following him. "Please make yourself comfortable," she said back to the boy before disappearing in the bedroom with House.

William nervously looked around the apartment and was a little surprised by what he saw. Musical instruments littered the wall where most people would have pictures and a nice piano sat on a lifted floor with the windows surrounding it. He moved his knife from his jacket pocket to his pants and then placed his jacket on a hook next to Dr. Cuddy's. He looked around at the full bookshelves and though there were some medical books on them the rest were filled with books in different languages, classics, mysteries, and tons about musicians and music. The books were all old and it was easy to see they were at least second hand and used frequently. They definitely weren't there for looks and many were things he could imagine any of his friends having. He jumped when the phone rang and waited for someone to answer it, but when they didn't he listened as the answering machine picked up.

"I'm either gone or I just don't care to talk to you," House's voice rang over the machine and then another mans voice followed.

"House," the other man's voice sounded exasperated, "you can't put that on the machine, what if your mother calls? Be polite and mention me in case I need to give this number out," the man said with frustration. William's eyebrow shot up and he felt like he could actually hear House roll his eyes in response.

"Don't expect a call back from me, but if your calling for Jimmy pussy feet Wilson then he'll probably call you back the moment he hears the message because he's so.."

"HOUSE! Start over! I can't have patients hearing that!" the other man interrupted and there was noise as if the man was trying to get to the machine to reprogram it.

"As I was saying, he's so anal he'll die if he doesn't get back to you," House said and then the machine beeped.

There was a moment of silence, "You said you'd change that. I've given this number out," the man said leaving a message and it was easy to tell this was the same man who'd fought House over the greeting on the machine. "Anyways, I was just calling to make sure you made it home safe. If you could be bothered to call me back or at least text me to let me know you're home safe I'd appreciate it. I," the man's voice softened, "I love you, Greg, and can't wait to get home to you... bye," he said and hung up.

William swallowed at the tenderness behind the statement and was surprised that Dr. House was... gay. He didn't really come off that way and he'd honestly assumed the man was with his lady companion.

House watched William as he stared at the answering machine in thought. "Don't listen to him too much, you'll get cavities," he said and the boy jumped and turned to him. House's eyes showed some regret about startling the boy. "Here," he said holding out some clothes. "They're too long for you but the waist should be okay," he said as the boy gave him a skeptical look. William wasn't fat but he wasn't rail thin either. House sighed, "You're a thirty-two, right?"

"How did...," William just shook his head deciding to forget the question. "Yeah... but you don't have to do this, I'm fine with what I have," he said knowing everything cost something and not wanting to take anything before he knew the price.

Cuddy walked out of the room House had been in wearing a grey sweats that were tight in the hips and long in the sleeves and legs with her hair in a damp ponytail.

House became more cautious of the way the boy was looking at Cuddy. "I haven't been able to wear them for the last ten years, so please take them," he said but his voice held a tone in it that the boy immediately picked up on.

William looked to Dr. House and swallowed as he noticed the man had rolled to place himself in front of Dr. Cuddy. "Umm... sure, fine," the boy said looking a little lost. "Where's the bathroom?" he asked.

"Through that door," Cuddy provided as she walked into the kitchen.

House watched as the boy quickly entered the bathroom and sighed, "I need you to get something for me," he said to see Cuddy close his refrigerator door.

"Fine, but can I put on some coco first? I'm still cold," she asked.

He shrugged, "I'd rather have coffee," he said rubbing his eyes.

Cuddy tried not to show her concern, "You tired?"

"I'm fine," House said giving her a knowing look as he rolled over to his backpack and pulled out some pain medication.

She swallowed and quickly got the pot ready then set it to brew. "What did you need?" she asked walking over to him.

"In my hall closet there is a golf bag and in the pocket for the balls there is a club sock. I need it," he said chewing his lips as he thought about what all the boy would need.

Cuddy rose an eyebrow in interest but went and got out the club sock which was heavy and handed it to him as he'd moved on the couch. She watched him pull out prepaid credit cards with no name on them and a wad of money along with a couple of keys. She was surprised even though deep down she knew she shouldn't be... it was a pretty easy guess that House had a plan of how to get out of town quick without leaving a trace if he had too. "Greg, I know you want to help this kid, but... you don't owe him anything... and honestly you don't even know him."

House scoffed, "I know him better than you'll ever know me," he said with calculating eyes.

She swallowed looking down at the money, "He's... he's not you and just because you've both... experienced some of the same things doesn't mean..."

"We were both raped as children," he whispered harshly, "it's a bit more of a connection than working in the same field or going to the same school."

Cuddy looked at him with hurt feature, "More than first love too, I guess, or years of friendship and respect?"

House sighed at the pain in her features, "Yes, in a way. There are something you understand about me that few others ever will but what it feels like to... to be abused like..." he swallowed rubbing his hand on the back of his head. "You'll never completely understand that part," he said staring down at the money.

She sympathized with him but wished he'd give more credit for understanding his situation, "Greg, I understand, just because I haven't..." she started but was cut off by him.

"NO! No you don't!" He said as his pained eyes board into her sympathetic ones. "I know you want to understand and help but... you don't. If you did you'd understand why I'm doing this," he said putting the contents of the club sock in his pockets.

William came out of the bathroom to see Dr. Cuddy in the kitchen filling mugs of coffee.

"How do you like yours?" she asked as she glanced at him.

William shrugged nervously as he stepped into the living room, "Sugar and cream," he said holding his wet clothes. "Is there some where I should put these?" he asked.

Cuddy tilted her head toward the dryer, "Just put them in there with the rest of ours and put the timer for an hour," she said as she fixed the coffee.

William put them in and started it up. He walked into the living room to see Dr. House sitting on the couch watching him. He chewed his lips as he tried to decide where to sit. He liked to sit close to the door and facing everyone in the room. The only place that fit that description was on the other end of the couch that House was on. His palms sweated at the idea of sitting that close to House but he slowly made his way over to the couch.

House saw the jeans dragging but other than that the clothes looked to be a good fit and he finally got rid of the knit sweater Wilson had given him. "Are you healthy?" he asked to see the boy blink at him blankly as he paled some. House knew that look, "How much are you bleeding?" he asked softly to see Williams arm shake.

"I'm fine," William said ducking his head down as Cuddy walked in the room putting out the coffee. He didn't trust the man nearly enough to have him look at his ass. The guy seemed alright but he was gay and he might try something.

House swallowed as he knew the answer too well and that it rarely was the truth, even if you thought it was. "She could do the examination if that would make you feel more comfortable but the first thing we need to address is that you are medically alright," House explained truthfully.

William narrowed his eyes on Dr. House, "Right, and then you'll collect a sample and give it to the police to try and build a case against him. I already told you I don't want any part of that," he said standing up again.

Cuddy frowned, "If both of you filed a complaint then.."

"NO!" House and William said at the same time. "I told you I'm not going to the cops about this and you have no right to push him to if he doesn't want to. What if nothing happened to Tritter? Do you think he'd really let that go?!" House said with frustration.

William was surprised House felt the same way as he did, "I'll do the exam if she promises not to collect anything to use as evidence," he said glancing to Cuddy.

She sighed, "Fine, I won't collect any evidence," she said clearly not happy about it as she got up and walked to the restroom. William got up but refused to take a step until she opened the door and walked in. He slowly followed her with slumped shoulders. Cuddy swallowed, "I'll need you to strip down," she said tenderly to see the boy shiver and stare at the ground. "I wont touch you without telling you but I can't exam what I can't see," she said explained. William slowly undressed as his heart rate increased. He felt so vulnerable standing there naked under her gaze. She hated seeing the bruises at different stages of healing on the boys body. She opened the cabinet under the sink and put on hospital gloves. "I need to feel just to make sure don't have any broken bones," she said softly and slowly moved closer to him. She put her hand on his arm and the boy jumped away from her breathing hard as his eyes watered. Her mouth went dry at his reaction and her hand shook some, "It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you," she said soothingly.

"You're hands are cold," William said trying to get control of himself as she walked up to him again. "Maybe... maybe you don't need to... to do this. I'm sure I'm fine," he said pulling back as her hand moved to him.

Cuddy felt her heart break, "I have to make sure you're okay," she said softly. "I promise I wont hurt you, sweetie."

He swallowed as her hand touched him and his heart raced. He turned his head from her as her hands ran up and down his body making him feel sick. "Please hurry this up," he said as his stomach hurt and his body shook.

She finished up and frowned as he grabbed for his clothes. "I... I need to give you a rectal exam... there's is bleeding and I need to know how bad the tear is," she said.

William stopped and swallowed, "I... I don't know if I can do that," he said looking at the toilet.

Cuddy chewed her lips, "Look, if there is a big tear and you don't get medical attention you could die. Your intestine have a lot of bacteria in them and if the tear is a decent size it can get infected and that can be fatal. I wouldn't ask you to put yourself through this if it wasn't necessary."

His lip started quivering, "Just get it the hell over with," he said bending over the toilet.

She opened a drawer to find synthetic lube and frowned, it wasn't what she'd prefer to used but it would work. She lubed up her gloved finger, "Try and relax," she instructed as she put some of the lube at his opening. She felt him tighten up as she penetrated him and when she moved her finger inside him to feel him he puked in the toilet. She tried to ignore it so she could get done quicker. She rubbed the inside of him feeling the walls of his rectum for the scars and tears for almost a minute before his legs started wobbling and she noticed he'd gone cold and clammy. She removed her hand and the boy fell down shaking keeping his face from her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said with moist eyes, "but at least the tear is small enough it should heal on it's own but... you have Gonorrhea," she said taking off her gloves and moving back to give him space.

William sobbed as he shook on the floor. That fucking bastard had given him Gonorrhea and destroyed his life.

"I'll just.. let you get dressed," she said and slipping out of the room to give him privacy.

"How bad off is he," House asked in a whisper as she walked over to the chair with shaky hands.

"The... uh... tear was small but... he has a pretty bad case of Gonorrhea," Cuddy said wrapping her arms around herself in a comforting gesture. "There was... evidence in him," she said as her eyes watered, "it happened less than an hour ago but it wasn't the first time." She said with gritted teeth, "He didn't even wear a fucking condom," she said unable to comprehend what kind of man does something like that.

"Because he knew that kid was too scared to say anything," House said looking up at her. "How was he when you left him?"

Her lip shook, "Crying and shaking on the floor," she said wiping at her eyes.

"Go, get us some pizza or chicken... something he'll eat," he said rubbing his legs, "it'll give me time to talk to him some."

Cuddy shook her head, "I don't like leaving you alone, especially when you're in pain," she said gently.

House rolled his eyes, "I'm fine, I'm use to being by myself. I'm safe, believe me," he said with confidence.

She looked toward the bathroom and back to House, "Be careful and don't..." she stopped herself not knowing a nice way to say it.

"Be myself," he provided with cold eyes that melted into something more gentle and slightly fearful, "I'm not going to be hard on the kid."

Cuddy flushed some in embarrassment for every thinking otherwise, "Right, I should know that by now," she said with a frown.

House could see the warmth and regret in her eyes and swallowed as he looked away because it stirred up emotions in him, "You should go," he said simply.

She nodded, "This could be good for you, talking to someone who's actually been through the same kind of thing you have," she said as she walked out the door.

He couldn't stop her words from echoing in his brain after she left. The only other rape victim he'd talked to was, Eva, and that had been forced on him, but this time he'd been the one pushing. He wasn't exactly sure why, of course he'd wanted to help the boy get away from Tritter but that wasn't the only reason he'd picked him up. There was a part of him that wanted to talk to the kid, maybe he wanted to see if the kid felt the same way as he did to compare emotional damage done. He gripped the arm rest with is hand to keep it from shaking as anxiety in anticipation and nerves over fear of saying the wrong thing filled him. He looked around the apartment trying to find comfort in the familiarity of the place but instead all he could see was Tritter beating him or worse. He shut his eyes in an attempt to push the images from his mind.

_Greg grunted from pain as his father had his feet pushed to the side of his head while he punished his ass roughly. John kept on for a couple of minutes and then got off of him and he wondered if his father was done but the large man picked him up and threw him into a wood chair with his knees on the seat and he put out his arms to keep himself from falling as he saw John standing behind him and then enter him again but this time his eyes popped open as something inside him was hit, "Ahh," he gasped._

_John smirked, "What was that?" he whispered as he slowed his pace rubbing his dick against the boys small prostate. Greg squirmed some trying to stop him from hitting the spot so he grabbed the boy's hair and hit his face against the back of the chair. "Be still and take your internal spanking like a man," he growled._

_The pain from Greg's head was all but forgotten in the weird sensation that was coming from his father hitting that spot he could feel his stomach muscles tighten as a warmth was filling him. He was scared not understanding what was happening as his 'peter' began to swell and John moved his hand to it. "Ohhh," he moaned even though he'd tried to stifle it._

_John laughed and then slapped the boys left butt cheek, "That feels good doesn't it," he said leaning over Greg to whisper in his ear as he pulled out and then pushed against it hard staying on the boys button. Greg's hips tried to pull away but he stopped that by using his forearm of this right hand which was fondling the boy to keep Greg's hip against his. "You like that?" he whispered gruffly._

"_No," Greg said as he began to pant as his heart raced as the warmth inside him grew uncomfortably and his now swollen 'peter' tingled with heat. He grimaced as his father started moving in and out of him hitting the sensitive spot that made the warmth feel like a fire inside him._

"_You sure?" John said with a chuckle as he felt the boys hard little cock in his hand. "I think this is going to be your best birthday ever," he said as he wrapped his hand around Greg's throat gently as he pounded his ass harder._

_Greg felt his legs shake some "Stop..." he said loudly as the hand covered his mouth, "somethings wrong," he mumbled against it as the fire inside him only increased and slowly ran down to his twig and berries and even in his ass making his eyes water._

_John stood back up pulling the boys head with him as he wrapped his hand roughly against his throat, "Shut up you piece of shit, and be thankful," he said looking down to see the boys head against his chest with tears leaking out as fear and pain mixed with arousal in Greg's face. He almost lost it there but looked down further to see the boys hairless red hard penis and growled with need._

_Greg felt his body shaking as his father rubbed his 'peter' more gently but hit against the fire in his belly harder with increasing speed. He felt his tears running down his face, something he hadn't done in three years but this time hurt in a different way. His entire body was tense as if it was trying to keep him from coming apart. "St.." he started but Johns strong hand clamping around his throat kept the rest from escaping. His father pushed against the spot hard and kept it there then pulled back a little to do it again and that's when his body crashed. His body spasmed and melted all at the same time as the fire spread everywhere burning him from it's intensity._

_John growled as the boys ass clenched on his cock, "Take it," he growled as he pressed deep in the boy cumming and moving as Greg tried to cry out but his hand kept it down, but if he'd been outside he'd have let the boy cry openly as the screams were music to his ears. "Happy birthday," he said still cumming deep inside Greg._

_Greg felt more tears rush down his face as he realized he was still alive and that the fire inside hadn't consumed him as he'd thought it would. John licked the tears from his cheek while slapping and squeezing his tender 'peter'. "What... what di... did you... d.. do to me?" he stuttered as his body had completely collapsed against his father._

_John licked his lips as he pulled roughly out of Greg and threw him on the floor. "Look at what you did," he said keeping his voice down as he pointed to the seat where the boys cum was. "Lick it up you fucking fagot," he said as the boy tried to lift his body to comply, "hurry up," he said kicking Greg in the torso. He smiled as the boy looked at the white stuff with wide scared eyes. _

"_Wh...what.. is .. that?" Greg said shaking as he looked at the same stuff that his father threw at him or in him when punishing him. _

_John licked his lip at the naive child, "That is the only good that was left in you and your body rejected it because you're so bad inside. You better eat it up if you want to have a chance of ever being anything worth a damn," he said to see the boy lick it up and swallow it. "I had been trying to make you good by giving you mine but you're hopeless, see how you spilled it," he said pointing on the floor where some of his cum had leaked out of Greg to see the boy lick it up and start shaking._

_Greg sobbed silently as he tried to collect the small amount of good back. Why was he so bad that his own body would throw the only good in him away? What was wrong with him?_


	48. Chapter 48 : Hold My Hand

William opened the bathroom door with the plan to leave but when he heard Greg yell in surprise and saw the cold sweat on him, he stopped in his tracks.

House looked around with moist eyes and almost cried in relief but as he saw William he regained his composer. "She's gone to get food," he said wiping the sweat from his face and swallowing as he looked at his trembling hand.

William swallowed hard at Dr. House, "You have flashbacks too?" he asked wondering if he wasn't alone.

"Yeah," House said embarrassed to be so obvious, "they can get pretty bad." He said trying to shake it off and then he looked up at William with a frown, "I wish I had a cure for those to give you, but I don't."

"Alcohol helps," William said casually and then shut his mouth as it hit him that this guy wasn't one of his friends.

House frowned as concern for the boy hit him, "Yeah, did that for a long time... and other things," he said honestly looking at the boy with haunted eyes.

William rose his eyebrows surprised that he wasn't being scolded by a... doctor? "Isn't all of that stuff suppose to be bad for you and you're suppose to be... like.. smart, right?" He asked as he walked into the living room and sat down on the other side of the couch with a curious look.

"You sound like him," House said tilting his head to the answering machine. "Of course with the treatments I can't dull my sense like I use to and now I scare the crap out of him and myself when I have those flashbacks. I know it's stupid but..." he sighed, "I can only take so much before it's either that or lose what little sanity I still have. You get them a lot?"

"It depends on what's going on with me," William said honestly as for the first time all day he felt comfortable and even.. safe. He looked at House and shook his head, "I don't see how he got to you. You're a doctor."

"Blackmail is a powerful motivator," House said but could see the boy still wanted to know more. "He came into the clinic and pushed me into a cabinet when I didn't give him a test he thought he needed. So I did the test and took his temperature with an anal thermometer and left him like that," he said casually. "Someone found him after about an hour and he decided to hold a grudge."

William chuckled, "Wow, I'd have loved to find him like that. The bastard deserves worse."

House nodded, "Yep, so he arrested me on my way home from work one day... and raped me before taking me in. I had a bad leg before this whole cancer thing came up and I was handcuffed so doing whatever he wanted wasn't hard for him. Then he found out that I had feelings for a friend of mine and blackmailed me to let him continue or he'd tell and I let him."

William was only more confused, "Why not just let him tell the friend, I mean how could being raped be worth keeping a crush secret?"

"He wasn't a friend, he was my only friend," House explained, "and he was straight just like he thought I was straight."

"But you have a boyfriend?" William asked dumbfounded.

"Then I didn't. James, the guy on the machine, found out what was going on and told Tritter he already knew and to back off. Then he decided to try a relationship with me so we're seeing how it goes, of course this cancer isn't making it easy." House said hoping the boy would understand.

"Oh," William said as he could kind of see the how it played out, "How long did it go on before James found out."

House thought about it, "About two months," he said to see the boys eyes widen.

"TWO MONTH!?" William said with shock. "Holy shit, it's only been two weeks for me and I thought that was hell." He shook his head trying to imagine that long and couldn't. "Was it good for you since you're gay?"

House's eyes hardened, "No, being raped isn't ever good for anyone," he said sharply.

William blinked at him as he realized how stupid of a question that had been, "Sorry... I just don't see how you made it that long."

"It wasn't the first time it had happened," House responded taking a sip of the coffee. "Was he the first guy to rape you?"

William chewed his lip, "Look, I know you're just trying to help but you couldn't understand. I was just a kid, I wasn't a fucking adult who could do something about it," he said standing up.

House frowned, he knew the kid didn't realize that adults sometimes weren't anymore able to stop it than a child. He could see William was about to leave when he decided to open up. "First time I was seven," he said meeting the boys eyes.

William blinked at the man as he sat back down. Who the fuck would want to have sex with a seven year old? "I was twelve. I was still a kid in some ways but fuck, at least I'd started puberty," he said as his understanding and respect for what House had been through grew. "Mine was a wrestling coach," he said with a bitter smile, "when you think about what kind of grown man would want to wrestle with young boys it's not that surprising. I asked my brother about it because Mr. Hendricks said it would make me better at the sport, that he was helping me and my brother told my mom who sued Hendricks and the school," he said shaking his head as he could see Dr. House listening. "She only saw it as a way of making money. She wouldn't even let me change schools, so I was made fun of and picked on along with my older brother. They called me Mr. Hendrick's bitch and one day they trapped me in the bathroom. Six of them stripped me down and tied me up naked," William said as his eyes moistened at the memory. "They wrote things on me with Sharpie markers, fondled me, hit me, but none of them had the balls to go further... after that I was through. I wrote a letter to my brother and I got my ass out of there and haven't looked back." He said chewing his lip. "Mothers are suppose to care, right? I mean what kind of bitch can't even take the time to fill out some paperwork so her kid doesn't have to be harassed at school?!"

House could feel the pain in the boys words, "Being a mother or father doesn't make you a better human being, a selfish prick will still be a selfish prick rather he has a kid or not."

William scoffed, "I guess so. How'd your parents react?"

House felt his heart racing as he forced himself to say the words, "My father raped me until he enlisted me in the army at age sixteen. My mother watched him do it once when I was thirteen and has never spoken about it, like it never happened," he said watching to see Williams reaction.

William whistled and shook his head, "Fuck... I mean that's... whoa. That's fucked up. Who... I mean you were his own fucking blood and he.. had sex with you."

"Actually I wasn't his 'blood', which I think is one of the reasons he did what he did. He blamed me for my mom cheating on him," House said looking at his hands.

William watched him and suddenly he understood. "FUCK THAT!" he said standing up to see House look at him with concern. "You can't be that fucking stupid to think you're to blame. You're didn't do shit to no one, he did. Just like you didn't do this shit to me Tritter did," he said to see House set his jaw in a stubborn way and look down. William's heart broke as he realize the man was still blaming himself for everything that happened around him. He knew what that was like, "I.. believed him too at first. I really did think if I let him do it I'd be better at sport just like letting him help me with pulled muscles and making me practice. Even after he was fired and shit I still kept looking for research that would prove he'd only been trying to help and maybe it was because I couldn't handle accepting that he'd been using me... but after awhile I realized everything he said was just to get what he wanted the easiest way he could. He knew how much wrestling meant to me at that time and he used that against me. That's what your father was doing to you too. He used your low self-esteem and trust in him to make you feel guilty for what he was doing to you, but just think about it. Is there anything a child could do to make you rape them for a punishment?" William asked to see House's jaw relax some as he thought about it. "And would you ever hold another doctor to blame if you treated and killed a patient?"

"No," House answered immediately.

"So why the hell would you hold yourself responsible for what Tritter did to me? You didn't have anything to do with it. He's a fucking son of a bitch that rapes people and you're the kind of guy who sees someone you don't even know in pain and tries to help them. Hell, you save peoples lives! You aren't anything like those sick fucks," William said.

House shook his head, "Don't try to make me into some saint; God and me don't get along. As for responsibility it doesn't go away because you made the wrong choice. I had a moment of weakness in front of a friend and because of that Tritter had to move on to someone else," he said inclining his head toward William. "When in reality it didn't matter if he kept fucking me because I've been broken long before he showed up, the responsible thing to do would have been to continue it and then maybe you could have been spared but as always I had to be selfish," he said with disgust as he looked down.

William's eyes widened by House's words. He had his issues but this guy had real ISSUES if he really believed what he was saying. "I'm sure your fucked up from what happened to you, I know I am, but you aren't broken. A broken person wouldn't have had the guts to try and get a stranger away from that creep or pick me up on the side of the road to make sure I was okay. A broken person doesn't become a doctor and save lives," he said wondering if he was getting through to the man. "A selfish man wouldn't ever consider sacrificing themselves to save a kid they didn't even know, that's the kind of thing a selfless man does or a parent."

"Ask anyone who knows me if I'm selfish and they'll tell you I am. I needed to help you because I don't know how to help myself; one act of kindness doesn't make up for a lifetime of being an ass." House said with a regretful frown.

Cuddy opened the door, "You're not selfish and you're only an ass at times, I think it's a requirement for your gender," she said as she walked in with two massive pizza boxes.

House rolled his eyes, "I've got cancer and she recently found out I've been poked against my will and knocked around by my dad. Now everything I do is excusable because some shitty things have happened to me, if you'd walked into the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital three months ago she'd have been yelling at me in the lobby about how insensitive of a jerk I was that only cared about myself." He said his jaw flexing as he looked back at the kid, "Here's a lesson from life, finding out that you've been abused lowers peoples expectations of you. Before she knew about the abuse I was a dick because I didn't like to work in the clinic and see tons of patients, now she puts my loathing of boring patients on the fact I was abused."

William frowned as his brows furrowed, "But didn't you say Tritter attacked you in the clinic?" he asked.

House looked at the kid with frustration, "You're suppose to be on my side, bro's before hoes, man." He said and looked back to Cuddy, "Plus I hated the clinic long before Tritter showed up."

William smiled at the 'bro's before hoe's' comment, not something he'd ever expected an old doctor to say, but he couldn't help thinking about the clinic. "So Tritter was the first guy to ever hurt you in the Clinic?" he asked.

House sighed at the kids statement as he swallowed hard and his hand shook some, "It doesn't matter what happened in the clinic," he said pleading way as if trying to convince himself of that.

Cuddy had put the pizzas down on the coffee table and was coming back with the plates when she heard the conversation about the clinic and looked at him, "What else happened in the clinic?" she asked with concern.

"It's not important and look, we have pizza," House said with a forced smile.

"Greg, what happens to you is important, please if ….," Cuddy pleaded but was cut off by him.

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" House yelled making the boy on the couch jump and Cuddy to pull back from him. He breathed heavy and closed his eyes, "I need to eat and I can't talk about... and eat," he said letting out a broken breath as he swallowed and gritted his teeth. "I told you I was an ass," he said leaning his head back against the couch.

It was easy for William to tell House didn't get close to many people, and even the people he did consider close he didn't really let in. It was apparent that Dr. Cuddy wasn't aware of the attack House had encounter in the clinic that he refused to speak of, or that House's father had raped him. He'd said she knew his father hit him. He wanted to bring comfort to the man and swallowed as he remembered a therapy session he'd had after it had come out that his coach was having sex with him. He moved his hand to Dr. Houses, who's jerked but he grabbed hold of it anyway.

House looked at him with worry and confusion, "What are you doing?" he asked in a serious and harsh tone as his heart raced with panic.

"I'm holding your hand. I thought it was pretty obvious," William said looking in House's eyes to see the fear and panic in them, even if his voice was strong.

House sat there wanting to pull away from the touch but didn't because he knew he didn't really have a reason to pull away and yet... it made him feel scared. He sighed as his hands trembled some as adrenaline filled his body, ready for whatever was to come next. "I'm not a touchy person," he said trying to pull his hand away but the boy didn't let go. He looked at the boy with narrowed eyes, "Let go of me," he said in a low deep voice.

That voice scared William but he refused to let into it. "I'm touching you and I'm not hurting you," he said in a soft caring voice.

House's eyes watered and he looked away. There were few people in his life that had ever really touched him and didn't end up hurting him.

Cuddy could see the emotion swell in Greg at the gesture and words of the boy and realized, the boy did know Greg in a way she never could.

William could tell it was working. He was breaking though to House. "Look at me, please," he begged to see the man's eyes were moist. "I will never hurt you," he said with truth and confidence to see emotion hit House who stared at him. "Do you understand me? I will NEVER hurt you. Nod if you understand," he said see a tear leak out from the corner of House's eye as the man nodded and swallowed hard looking away but squeezing his hand tighter. William smiled slightly as he could feel House's hand stop shaking and his arm relax some. He looked at House and for the first time really noticed and thought about how worn and sick the man looked. He was rail thin with sunken eyes and gaunt features yet the mans eyes and words carried a certain strength and surety in them that made it easy to not notice how bad of shape he was in.

The words William had said touched his heart and soul in a way that had truly shocked House. He never knew how much he needed to hear them until they were said and what broke his heart even more was the first person who really said them was an abused boy he'd pick up off the side of the road. Not his Father or Mother.. not Cuddy.. or Stacy.. or Wilson... all of which had hurt him. He tried to keep control as he felt more tears fall. This broken child was the only one who'd said it and the only one he trusted not to betray his promise. "Thank you," he whispered with emotion.

"No, thank you for giving me hope," William said looking down at they're hands interlocked. "I use to have dreams about what I would be when I grew up and then... then I was raped and all I thought I could ever be was 'that abused boy' but you," he said looking to House to see the man's eyes on him, "you aren't just your abuse. You're a freaking doctor and you have someone you love," he said his eyes watering. "You've been through it worse than I could even fucking imagine and you're a good hearted man who heals people. If you can do that after what you've been through, then I can do something too. I can be more than some abuse kid," he said with a half smile as he gave House's hand a squeeze.

House looked into the amazing boys eyes, "You can," he said sincerely then half smiled, "not a football player," he said sizing William up, "or a model but you can do something you're passionate about."

"I could so be a model, I'm hot," William said sarcastically.

House smiled, "Oh, yeah, so am I. I just hide my hotness behind this cancer. Otherwise I have to beat the people off with a stick."

William laughed letting go of House's hand, "Is anyone else starving?" he asked.

Cuddy opened the lids of the boxes and everyone grabbed a piece. William watched Dr. House, his slender fingers hesitantly and gracefully taking a piece, yet once he got it to his mouth the man ate savagely stuffing half the slice in his mouth and chewing only a couple of times before forcing the remains of the slice in. The man held his head bowed as he ate his eyes scanning until they stopped on the boy. William looked away taking a bite of his pizza, hoping he hadn't bothered him.

They had all eaten two pieces of pizza when Cuddy saw House stuff another half a slice in his mouth and sighed, "Do you have to eat in the most disgusting way there is? I've seen five year old's with better manners," she said with some frustration.

House narrowed his eyes on hers stuffing in the rest of the piece.

William grabbed another slice, "No, it's more like someone that's been starved," he said casually with a smile and glanced at Cuddy to see her face pale as she looked at House with regret and then looked away. The tension in the room increased and he looked to House to see cold features and yet the way his head hung spoke of shame and he had the distinct feeling his words had hit too close for comfort. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it," he said as House swallowed the last of the food in his mouth.

House looked at the pizza but even as his stomach wasn't quiet stuffed he'd lost his appetite at the boys words. He stood quickly with the support of the armrest of the couch and sat down in the wheelchair. Cuddy rose too, "What are you doing?" she asked with concern

House who was already rolling toward the bathroom rolled his eyes, "I'm flying a airplane," he snapped sarcastically.

"I'll help you," she said putting down her slice of pizza.

"I can go to the bathroom by myself! A wheelchair isn't a new fucking concept for me. I got use to it after you 'helped' me with the infarction, so just leave me the hell alone," House said harshly rolling in and closing the door with a slam.

Cuddy flinched at the sound and sat down with deep worry.

William swallowed hard, "I didn't mean to upset him," he said looking to Dr. Cuddy. "I was just talking, I didn't realize it held any truth," he explained in a pleading way.

"You can't blame yourself for what he's endured, there was no way for you to have even known and he won't hold it against you," Cuddy said looking to the concerned boy. "I shouldn't have tried to coddle him, I know how much he hates sympathy."

"But how couldn't someone not be sympathetic after founding something like that out?" William asked with confusion.

Cuddy shook her head, "I don't know but I've learned it's best to pretend not to be for his sake."

House rolled out of the restroom after a few minutes, "Having a nice little chat?" he asked with some accusation in his voice to see Cuddy swallow and William tense up. "It's good to see you two getting along," he said casually as he got back on the couch with more effort than seemed required. He sighed and looked to the boy, "How have you been making it on the streets?"

William blinked at him and licked his lips, "I mainly stay in shelters, but I've stolen some things along the way when I needed to," he answered a little defensively.

Cuddy gave House a weary look but he it didn't seem to phase him. "Right, so do you owe anyone anything for drugs or money they've given you?" he asked calmly.

"No! I don't do drugs and all I owe is Scott for buying me a burger a couple of times," William said feeling insulted that House would assume he did drugs.

House could feel the tension rising in the boy but he had to be careful if he was going to help him. "Good, and do you have anything else besides that three inch knife in your left pocket for protection?" he asked to see the boys hand slide over the pocket as he sat up straight and alert.

"How the hell did you know about my knife?" William asked unnerved by House spotting it and not seeming at all threatened.

House rolled his eyes, "Look, my father came at me with anything and everything, fists, bats, glass, guns, knifes," he said glancing at the boys pocket, "so I notice things. Until just a couple of weeks ago I lived alone and didn't even let the delivery guy in, so lets get past the part were you feel violated because I took notice of the weapon you brought into my home and over my mystic powers of observation and answer the question."

William was starting to see where this guy got the idea that he was an ass. "No, there's nothing else," he said with some spite.

House's eye lingered on the boy for a moment longer as if trying to decide if he was telling the truth and then nodded. He scooted some pulling out something from the side of the couch cushion and something from under it. He first flipped out a silver butterfly knife and the boy scrambled back in his seat pulling out his knife. House closed the knife back up with a slight jerk of his hand, "Do you know how to use one of these?" he asked gently.

Williams eyes were still wide on the knife, "No.. aren't those things illegal?"

House smiled with a grimace, "Yeah, legally I should have called CPS the moment you set foot in my home, so lets not get too wrapped up in what's legal. Here," he said holding it out to the boy who slowly reached out for it.

"House, he's just a child. He shouldn't be carrying around.." Cuddy started but was cut off by House.

"He can't stay here, it's the first place Tritter would look for him if he decided to try and track him down and he needs to be able to protect himself," he said firmly as William took the knife and smiled at it some. "That's razor sharp so be careful with it and take your time getting comfortable with it."

William swallowed as he slowly opened it up and smiled at it. It was a beautiful knife and the blade was at least twice as long as his own. "Thank you," he said with emotion as he closed it back up and quickly put it in his pocket with his other knife.

House nodded and flung his hand, there was the sharp noise of metal locking in to place and suddenly he was holding a long black metal stick. "This will beat any knife," he said hitting the end so that it collapsed within it's self to a six inch handle and handed it to William.

William realized now why House hadn't seemed disturbed by at his knowledge of his knife. The man was armed and probably very practiced. "I can't help but wondering, if you're giving me these weapons then what else do you have hidden around," he said with concern that only grew as House watched him with a cold stare.

"Hope you never find out," House answered seriously and took a deep breath. "I have a place you can go and have a new life, but I need to know if that's really what you want. I need to know if you're ready to work towards something more or if you want to play the lost boy a little longer?"

"I'm not playing anything!" William exclaimed defensively. "I didn't want to end up this way. I was always in the top ten of my class and had plans to go to college just like anyone else but living from one shelter to the next and trying to make it on the street doesn't exactly make it possible to do that especially when I know if I use my real name I'll get picked up by CPS," he snipped.

House nodded and grabbed his backpack off of his wheelchair opening it to take out a bottle of pill that his tossed to the kid. "Take all of them as labeled, they'll clear up the Gohnoria," he said and started to pull something out of his pocked but hesitated as he looked at the kid. "I need you to understand I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but what I'm about to give you are resources that one can't simply buy and it's very possible I'll never be able to replace them," he said as William blink at him with concern and confusion. "I happened to be in a place that permitted me to earn some loyalty and respect from some very resourceful people."

Cuddy frowned at him, "Greg, you better not be getting him in more trouble than he already is," she said with worry.

House gave her a cold stare, "Tell me, what exactly do you think is worse than being raped over and over again by a sadistic cop?" Silence lingered after he asked the question and Lisa looked away. "I wouldn't put him in a bad situation because I've been him, unlike you," he said with a sharp tongue.

William swallowed hard as he looked down at his hands. The man hadn't even been looking at him but the anger and truth in those daring eyes had been unsettling even at a distance. "Dude, leave her alone. She was just showing concern," he said and could feel the eyes move to him as his stomach tightened.

"Right," House said with a sarcastic smile but he decided to let it go as he could tell the boy was scared. "As I was saying, there are some rules that have to be followed if you want my help," he continued to see William look up to meet his eyes. "First, no one can know where you live or come over. The only way a safe house stay's safe is if no one knows you're there," House said sternly to see the kid reluctantly nod his agreement. "Second, no contacts from your past while you stay there."

"Fine," William agreed.

"And I full expect you to get your GED and go to college, if you don't I will kick you out," House explained.

William blinked at him, "But if my name..."

"You'll have a new name and I'll make sure you're taken care of financially within reason. You'll have to adhere to a budget." House said cutting him off.

"Look, I can work and pay my own way," William said holding his head up higher. "I'm not a free loader, the only reason I haven't been working so far is because I'm afraid of someone finding out who I am and calling CPS."

House respected the boys response even if he couldn't allow it, "A job is too dangerous. There are too many people with access to where you live and contact numbers for that to be safe. Your school work will be your job and I'll be your employer. It has to be this way why you're living in the safe house."

William frowned, "So am I going to be allowed to leave or am I a prisoner in this place."

"You can go and buy things you need and talk to people but I will have eyes on you so don't think that just because I'm not there that I wont find out," House said with certainty.

William wondered what he meant by the statement and found it a bit unsettling, but he needed this. It just all seemed to good to be true in a lot of ways and he wondered what Dr. House would get out of it. The guy seemed genuine but just because he'd suffered the same kind of thing didn't mean they were the same. The idea that the man would willing have sex with men after being raped made him question him more. He knew it wasn't fair to Dr. House, but what if he had cameras everywhere so he could watch him when he showered or undressed. "I'm not going to consent to cameras filming my every move for you," he said pulling back some as he watched the doctor.

House's brow furrowed for a second before his eyes turned cold and his jaw tightened. It hurt to be accused of such a thing but at the same time it was good the boy was being cautious. "I have no interest in children, which is anyone under the age of 30 to me. Don't worry, I won't be filming you." He said pulling out a wad of money and counted out $5000 then handed it to the boy along with a prepaid credit card and a prepaid cell with the battery out.

William looked at everything Dr. House gave him and swallowed, "No one has ever...," his voice faded off as he tried to say the right thing. "I don't think I need all of this," he said looking through the money and back at Dr. House.

"You will need food, cleaning supplies, toiletries, and probably some furniture just for the place then a computer, books, school supplies, clothes, a television, and spending money. There's two thousand on that card too and there's someone there that will help you move anything you need into the place." House said then looked to Lisa, "You feel comfortable taking him or not?" he asked to see her look surprised and put on the spot. "The boy just accused me of trying to make kiddy porn of him for my own sick pleasure, so you have no reason to feel like you can't answer me honestly."

Cuddy thought about it a moment as she looked at the kid, "Alright, yeah, I'll take him after James get's home."

House rolled his eyes, "You don't have to wait till he gets home. I'll be fine." He said hoping she'd just leave.

"I'm not leaving you alone," she said firmly.

House flushed, "That stuff I picked up was for tonight," he said looking down, "I was hoping to be ready to go when he gets home," he said awkwardly.

William smiled, "Dude, I'm not an idiot. I saw you in the sex shop, it's pretty obvious what you were wanting for tonight," he said with a smirk.

"Oh," Cuddy said looking from the boy to see Greg's face had turned scarlet. "I just... I don't like you being here yourself in this shape."

House let out a growl of a sigh and spoke through clenched teeth, "There are some things I believe is best I do alone, like getting ready for James," he said glancing up to meet her eyes.

She swallowed as her cheeks flushed as she couldn't help imagining Greg getting ready, "You could wait until he was here to do that."

He shook his head, "No, this is my place and after what happened last time I need this to work. So you're going to leave and I'm going to... you know."

"Have sex," William supplied with an amused smile. "I'm not a child. You can talk about sex with your boyfriend without tiptoeing around it. You had less problems saying the word rape in front of me then sex."

Cuddy saw the hard swallow from Greg as he thought about it and physically withdrew. She looked at William with a frown, "It's been a while for him and James is the first man he'll be with consensually," she said with concern and looked to Greg who was grimacing after her statement.

William blinked in surprise as he looked to Dr. House, "How long and.. I thought you were gay?"

"Thanks," House said sarcastically to Lisa and then regarded the boy. "Seven years and I'm bisexual."

William blinked slowly as he comprehended that and considering he knew that House's father had raped him for years it was possible he'd been raped more time then he had sex. He knew House wanted him to just shut up about it but he was curious and wanted to help the generous man. "What happened last time you tried?"

House shook his head eying the boy, "I'm not having this conversation with you."

"Right, because I couldn't possibly understand what's it's like to have sex after being raped," William said cynically.

House shook his head, "It isn't what you think. He couldn't keep it up because of all my scars... inside and out," he said looking away from the boy.

William's eyes got wide and confused, "What kind of scars?" he asked softly.

House watched the boy and the idea he was only a little older than him when he was gang raped hit him hard. He looked at the boy sitting in front of him and couldn't see how anyone could be sexually attracted to someone so small and underdeveloped. He felt some bile come up his throat and swallowed it back down as stared at the kid realizing that he'd been even smaller since he was literally starving at that age. "I was gang raped by a group of five men when I was fifteen and tried to fight them off so they broke some bones and when I passed out they took a knife and carved some words in me, but they were kind enough to wait till I regained consciousness again before they continued raping me. They were very rough so they caused a lot of big tears which resulted in internal scaring and of course my dad donated many more external scars during his days of punishing me." He said in a tight cold voice.

"Can I see?" William asked in sick intrigue. House's first impulse was to object out of habit, but considering that he'd already told him what had happened he couldn't actually think of a reason not to so he turned his back to the boy and pulled his shirt up to his shoulders. "Mother fucker," William whispered at the amount of scars that covered the mans back and then he read the words his stomach clinching as he saw the marks underneath them. "I though you said there was five of them, but there are eleven tally marks," he said as the man covered himself back up.

"The other six marks are men who raped me after them. Tritter's is the last one," House said flatly.

William's mouth opened some in horror and he glanced to Dr. Cuddy who was staring at her coffee with tear filled eyes. He shook his head as he looked back at the older man, "Screw him," he said with anger. "Your scars are hard for him; what the fuck does he think it was for you to get them? Hell, if he has such an issue with it then why isn't he the one bending over for you?"

"Because he's not ready for that and I'm not going to try to force him into it," House replied defensively.

"Then wait until he is. You've waited this long, what's a couple more months?" William asked with a shrug.

Cuddy waited for Greg to answer the question as anger filled her, "He won't wait because during the whole month they've been dating James has already cheated on him," she answered in a disgusted tone as Greg glared at her.

William felt hot anger flood over him, "Are you fucking kidding me? And this is the guy that loves you? FUCK HIM, you can do better than that!" he said hating the man, even though he'd never met him.

"Are either one of you two dying?" House asked bitterly as looked at both of them who remained silent. "So he isn't perfect! No one is. He's been there for me when no one else was and I don't know about you two but I DON'T want to die alone!" He yelled as he felt his eyes moisten at the sad truth. "I don't know how much longer I have but I know I want to spend it with him."

William and Cuddy remained silent, not as much in agreement as not seeing the point of upsetting House. "I just hate to see you get hurt," Cuddy finally said tenderly, "but it's your life and your decision. Just let me help you take a bath and I'll leave before he gets here," she said watching him with concern carefully hidden behind a neutral mask.

House felt his ears flush in embarrassment at how weak the statement made him sound, even if it was true. He wanted to refuse her help but in reality he couldn't afford to do so. There was no way he would be able to get back out of the tub in his condition and it was better to look weak in front of her than pathetic in front of James when he was still sitting in the tub when he got home. "Fine," he growled then started to stand when his limbs buckled under exhaustion and pain.

William slid over to him on the couch wrapping his arms around the man to catch him at his ribs. He almost let go as he could feel the ribs distinctively moving with each breath; it was more like holding a skeleton than a living person. "Are you okay?" he asked as Dr. House blinked sunken eyes. William frowned at how light the man was, he couldn't weigh more than 140 and what it meant. As sick and underweight as the man was, it was possible that he could actually die.

"I'm fine," House mumbled as he attempted to stand again but gave up in the middle of it just to stay in Williams arms.

Cuddy shared a worried glance with William before she got under a hold of him under his right arm and pulled him into the wheelchair. "Okay, let's get you cleaned up," she said grabbing her purse and rolling him into the bathroom. She started taking off his clothes, "How's the pain?" she asked in a cool professional voice.

House felt his eyes water some as a desperate whimper escaped him.

Her eyes widened at the noise and her hands shook. She quickly opened her purse taking out a bag of his medications and pulled out a morphine patch that she pressed on to his upper chest. "I would give you somethings to make you sleepy but I'm going to need your help to get you in and out of the tub," she explained apologetically.

He grabbed her hand tightly, "I need to go to the bathroom," he said in a weak voice.

"Again, you just went?" Cuddy said in confusion but as she saw the shame in his eyes and the frown of his lips realization hit her. There was a part of her that wanted to scold him for refusing her help earlier but she knew it would only make him feel worse. "Okay," she said pulling off his pants and underwear as he lifted his bottom up to help make it easier on her. Within ten minutes he'd done his business and she had him in the tub of warm water with bath salts. She lathered up a rag for him and started to wash him when he grabbed the rag from her and took over.

"I hate this smell," House said with irritation as he scrubbed at his body.

She lifted an eyebrow, "What smell?"

"The chemo, it leaks out of my pores making me smell like a damn cancer patient," he said scrubbing furiously.

Cuddy gave him a slight smile, "Well we can't have people getting the wrong idea," she quipped.

House gave her a slight glare, "Hand me the shampoo," he said gruffly but without any heat.


	49. Chapter 49 : Fucked Up

Wilson looked at his watch with a grimace at the idea of being late getting home on Greg's first day home, but this needed to be taken care of. He opened the trunk, grabbing the case out and walked in the door. The custom paint jobs on the body's were works of art with glass finishes that refused to let him simply look away.

"Can, I help you?" asked a young man with a smile, obviously pleased at Wilson's reaction to the paint jobs.

Wilson blinked a couple of times before tearing his eyes away from the artistry and to the young man with tattoos on his arms. "Oh, sorry, I was just admiring the work," he said with a warm smile.

"Hey, if you can think it I can do it, names Pencil," Pencil said with a friendly smile.

"Well I'm not really here for...," Wilson stopped in the middle of his sentence to glance back at the custom painted guitars and back to Pencil. He never got to surprise Greg, especially with something that he would actually like but a awesome paint job might be a really good gift. "How expensive is something like that?" he asked curious.

Pencil looked over at the guitars, "Well that depends on a lot of things, the guitar you want it on, what colors you want and design but on average most of those cost about twelve to fifteen hundred."

Wilson smiled as he could already imagine himself winning in the competition for best gift given on their first anniversary. "I'll keep that in mind, my name is James. I actually came in to get a guitar fixed."

Pencil walked behind the counter and put a towel on top of it. "Well, let me see what you're needing," he said guesturing to the spot on the counter.

Wilson swallowed as he put the case on the towel and opened it. It was still hard for him to look at the shattered guitar.

Pencil gave the man a skeptical look, "Look, we have a wide range of guitars to buy, but you don't want to get this one fixed and if you do we aren't the team for it," he said being straight with the man.

Wilson shook his head, "No, you don't understand," he said looking down at what was left of the guitar, "this is special. I'll pay whatever it costs!"

Pencil shook his head chewing on his bottom lip, "Man, I'll ask Bridge but I'm telling you don't get up your hopes. He doesn't put in good work on crap guitars," he warned and turned toward the back door, "I'll be right back."

Wilson looked back at the guitar. He wasn't really surprised to find out that it was a crappy guitar, he'd suspected as much the first time he'd seen it and considering Greg had purchased it when he was 9 it made sense.

Bridge stood at 6ft 3in and had to weigh at least 350 with white hair cropped in a military cut and a goatee. He was sick of this new generation of kids who didn't have the balls to tell someone no. He walked into the store and over to the case to glare at the a man that looked like the grown up version of Ferris Bueller, then looked down at the remains of the guitar. His breath caught as he saw the old decal sticker and he realized who's guitar he had in front of him. He looked back at the man who'd brought it in and narrowed his eyes, "Where did you get this?" he asked closing the case and leaving a hand on top of it.

Wilson could sense that something was wrong, "It belongs to a friend of mine."

"And what is this friend of yours name?" Bridge asked staring a whole through him.

Wilson suddenly had an idea of what was going on, "Look, I know my friend can be an ass but this isn't for House, I mean it is, but it isn't. I broke his guitar so I'm trying to get it fixed. Please," he pleaded.

Bridges almost smiled but didn't, "What's your name?"

"James Wilson," Wilson said giving his best smile.

"You're Jimmy," Bridges said with a smirk, "he's right you do look like a choir boy." He looked back down at the guitar, "That man saved my wife's life," he said with admiration as he watched James. "Yeah, I'll do it for him. So, how's old House of Blues been lately?" he asked as he picked up the case but stopped as he notice the look on James's face.

"He... he's actually really sick," Wilson said looking down.

Bridges swallowed, "Well if there is anyone who can take it, it's him. The guys smart and strong, I'm sure he'll be fine," he said in a rich deep voice.

Wilson smiled though his eyes were already damp again, "That he is. Thanks a lot, Bridges," he said leaving his card on the counter, "just let me know when it's ready to be picked up," he said and left.

1111111111

House looked down at his phone to see James's text that he was on the way home. He felt anxiety build in his stomach, tonight had to go well. James needed the physical intimacy in their relationship that sex achieved and he NEEDED James. He opened his backpack and took out the viagra and ketimine and his heart sank some. It wasn't the way he wanted it to be. He wanted it to be natural and easy. He wanted to feel every part of it without fear of losing it and pushing James away but the times they had been intimate in the past showed him that what he wanted and what would happen weren't the same. The time he'd gone into a panic attack had been bad but the worst had been when James felt those scars inside him. His body shivered as he remembered how heartbroken and dejected he'd felt when James had left the room. He couldn't handle that again. He rolled into the bedroom and took the viagra then the shot of ketimine. He took out the candles he had in case he lost electricity and lit them around the room and turned off the light. The warm light from the small flames made the room feel warm and inviting. He stood up on shaky legs and managed to get on the bed where he removed his clothes and threw them into a dark corner. He was surprised at how much better his body looked bathed in the glow from the candles. He didn't look as pale and you couldn't really see the scars and hope filled him that maybe tonight would be different, maybe it would be a night without heart ache and instead filled with passion. He put a couple of drops of lube on his fingers an rubbed his opening while slowly stoking his cock. He closed his eyes as he imagined it was James hand at his opening and slid a finger in as the ketimine started helping his body to relax. "Oh," he groaned as he began to get aroused and worked on stretching himself. By the time he inserted the new prostate massager he was feeling pretty good and put on the robe. The room felt a little hot but in a comfortable way and he turned the massager on low. He noticed the wheelchair still sitting by the bed and pushed it away but it hit the table and a candle fell off into the trash can and lit the trash in it on fire. "Shit," he said as he realized that without the wheelchair he couldn't get to it.

"Honey, I'm home," Wilson sang as he walked in and was a little surprised not to see Greg in the living room. The fire alarm went off from the bedroom and he raced in to see a fire in the trash can, "What the hell?!" he said and ran to the bathroom. He turned the light on as he came back in and poured a bin of water on it. He looked around to find Greg on the bed in a robe which was odd and quirked an eyebrow at him, "What happened?" he asked to see Greg flush some.

"I'm was being an idiot," House said with embarrassment ducking his head some.

Wilson's brow furrowed as he looked around and realization hit him as his heart warmed. Candles were all around the room, Greg was wearing a nice robe and on the bed. "Or romantic," he said looking back at Greg with a sweet smile.

"I'm pretty sure 'idiot' is a synonym for 'romantic'," House said still feeling a little foolish but the smile on James's face made him feel better.

Wilson chuckled as he walked up to the bed, "So, do I get a kiss from my princess?" he asked waging his eye brows.

House grimaced at the word but smiled at the same time. "I'm no one's princess," he said narrowing his eyes a little.

"But I saved you from the fire," Wilson said looking Greg over and becoming more curious to if there was anything on under that silk robe, "I think I deserve something from my sweet," he cooed.

House laughed, "I'm a bitter pill my friend," he said with a sneer.

Wilson leaned in but Greg turn his face and Wilson licked his cheek, "Mmmm, sweet as can be... and clean," he said raising an eyebrow.

"Cuddy helped me in and out of the tub," House said making sure to defuse any lectures about safety. He could still feel the prostate massager pulsing in him and keeping him aroused. "I only kiss in the dark, can't let anyone know how sweet I really am, then they'd all want a taste," he said with a shy smile.

Wilson grinned turning off the light to see the room and Greg coated in a warm golden glow. He felt his heart lift to see Greg's pale skin transform into a more healthy color. He quickly toed off his shoes and walked over, "I feel over dressed for this party," he said taking off his tie then kissing Greg tenderly. He was caught off guard by the need in Greg's kiss and deepened it.

"You're always over dressed to me," House said before kissing him again and undoing the buttons to his shirt. When he was done he let his right hand explore the warm smooth flesh beneath the shirt as he pulled the shirt off with the left hand. He swallowed as he looked at James's torso, "How does it feel?" he ask softly as his hand stopped on James's side.

"How does what feel?" Wilson asked looking down at Greg's unreadable eyes.

"How does if feel to be beautiful?" House asked placing a tender kiss on James's chest before looking up at him.

Wilson felt his eyes moisten as he looked at the most beautiful person he'd ever known, but knew there was no way of convincing the man before him of his beauty. "No where near as good as it feels to be touched or kissed by you," he said with emotion as he caressed the mans face and then kissed him.

House hardened more at the love and need behind the kiss as his hands make progress on James's pants. James took off the belt that House had undone for him as he worked on unzipping the pants and threw into the dark room, the sound of the buckle hitting the floor only adding to the intensity of the room. House pulled the pants down, intentionally leaving the underwear on and started licking and sucking at James's cock through it.

"Holy shit," Wilson groaned looking up at the ceiling as he felt Greg's hot mouth gently chew up and down his hard covered dick. He bit his lip as soft moans still escaped him and finally got control over himself enough to look down without loosing it. He looked down to see Greg stretched out on the bed with the robe covering everything but the man's chest and calves. He let his fingertips touch the hem and open it more to see Greg's huge semi-hard dick. "Oohhh," he moaned as he felt his underwear being slowly pulled down while Greg's tongue licked the newly exposed skin in a slow and torturous cycle. Wilson's fingers trembled with desire along the hot skin of Greg's cock and Greg hummed on the tip of his cock opening his legs so to give Wilson better access. Wilson couldn't help it as his hips trust his dick deeper in Greg's mouth and he stroked Greg. As he watched there was a need in him to grab the back of Greg's head and thrust deep in his mouth until the man gagged but he controlled that dark desire. Instead he let his hand drift over Greg's heavy testicles and past until he felt something plastic that was moving. He lifted an eyebrow as he looked at Greg to see the man's blue eyes on him.

House could feel the effects of the ketimine hitting him as his muscles felt weaker and his body relaxed more than he could ever remember. He let James's dick slide out of his mouth and against his throat after feeling that the man had discovered the toy in his ass. "I need you tonight," he begged opening his legs wider so that James's could see the end of the wide toy in his ass. "Please... James," he pleaded as he moved the toy some turning it off and gasped as he slowly pulled it out of himself.

Wilson swallowed hard at the need in Greg's voice and the gaping of his hole. He felt his hands roughly grab Greg's legs pulling them hard until Greg's ass hit against his body at the edge of the bed. He looked at Greg's wide eyes and took some calming breaths. He wanted to push deep inside the man, taking his ass hard until he cam, but knew Greg needed something different. His hands relaxed their hold and started slowly caressing the inside and backside of Greg's legs. "I want you so bad," he said in a deep voice. "I love you, Greg."

House's heart had stopped a moment when he'd been harshly grabbed and pulled against James's, his muscles tensing as much as they could with the ketemine in his system, but as the touch turned more tender his body melted and James's words hit his soul. His eyes watered, "I love you so much. I need you, James, more than I've ever needed anyone. I need your love... I need all of you," he said as his voice began to break with emotion.

Wilson's eyes watered at the broken words from his broken lover and he put the tip of himself at the mans opening and pushed in. He sucked in air at the pleasurable feeling of Greg's tight sphincter squeezing him and looked down to see Greg looking at him with lidded eyes and his mouth open wide in a perfect 'O' with flushed cheeks. He felt his hands dig deeper into the skin as he was holding the mans legs wide with desire to take him roughly but he forced them to calm as he gently rocked against the second sphincter.

House couldn't see anymore, which was weird because he knew his eyes were open but there was just a dark blur in front of him now. He could feel something deepen in his ass and moaned some as he could feel his hard cock slide against his sweaty stomach. He panted hard, as his head became more dizzy.

"Ohhh FUCK," Wilson said as he'd pushed past the second sphincter to hear Greg's soft moan and his own cock throbbed with need as he thrust in hard a couple of times before stopping himself. He looked at Greg with wide concerned eyes to see the man looking at the ceiling and panting hard. "Are you okay?" he asked as guilt touched him.

House heard something but couldn't understand it. He knew it was probably important but was so tired, "Mmmm," was all he could get out and he felt his body moving again as something hot moved in and out of him. He could hear the slaps of impact if he listened carefully and some grunting from heaven and he seemed to think there was something he should be doing...

Wilson licked his lips as he moved inside Greg again after realizing the man was fine. He took it slow at first but after a couple of minutes he was going hard. He watched as Greg's eyes rolled in the back of his head grinned as he grunted from the wonderful sensation of taking Greg hard. "AAAHHhhhh," he yelled looking up as he felt his testicles tighten and soon he was cumming deep in Greg. It took him a minute to recover, "How do you want me to finish you off my love?" he said breathing hard as he looked at Greg to notice something wasn't right. "Greg?" he said with confusion as he let go of the mans legs to see them fall as like jello. Panic filled him and he looked at the mans chest to see he was breathing and then picked up the mans arm and dropped it above his face. The arm hit him in his face and laid there. The site hit him as harshly as a bucket of cold water would have and he quickly pulled out of Greg's unconscious body. Greg's legs stayed open wide as white fluid leaked from his small puckered hole and it made Wilson feel sick. How long had Greg been out? He closed the legs and turned Greg to lay him out on the bed when he saw Greg's throat move slightly. "Greg?" he said to hear a lurch and see vomit fill Greg's mouth. He quickly pulled Greg to his side to keep him from asphyxiation and felt vomit coating his stomach and privates. His hands shook at the horror of this. How had this happen? What the fuck was going on?! After Greg stopped vomiting he watched to make sure he was still breathing and when he saw he was he quickly went to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and jumped it. It was freezing and yet the cold didn't touch the cold pain in his chest as tears fell out during sobs. Had he done this, had he been too rough and Greg passed out as a way of dealing with it? He walked out of the shower not bothering to turn it off and dried off his chest and dropped the towel as he dropped to his knees in front of the toilet and vomited as he cried. He took deep breaths as his hands shook when something caught his eye... a syringe. He shook his head, "No, no, no," he mumbled to himself as he picked it up. He didn't want to read it but he forced himself to and he felt anger fill him as he did. "YOU DID THIS TO YOUR SELF!" he screamed looking at the door to the bedroom and stood up. He looked on the counter to see a bottle of pill and read it to figure out it was viagra. He laughed a manic and disturbed laugh as he walked into the bedroom turning on the light so see Greg's lifeless body with a hard-on. "YOU FUCKED UP SON OF A BITCH," he yelled looking at him through tear filled eyes as he walked closer, smelling the foul vomit. "You're the stupidest person I know. You hear me? YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT!" he yelled as more tears fell. "You could have died," he said looking down at him and then grabbed him by the shoulder shaking him hard, "YOU COULD HAVE DIED!" he yelled as he let go falling on his knees, "with me.. inside you," he sobbed through tears.

After the yelling and crying with anger finally ran it's course he cleaned. It needed to be done and he found some peace in moving and doing something. He washed Greg's face up and moved him to the wheelchair. Then he stared taking off the sheets when he noticed the spot of cum and closed his eyes ripping the covers off and throwing them in the washer. He wished this night had never happened. He scrubbed the floor clean, made the bed with fresh sheets and laid Greg back on top of them, pulling cover over his cold clammy body. The thought crossed his mind that he should probably wipe the cum from Greg's body but he couldn't force himself to look or touch him there when he was like this. He knew he should probably get in the bed with Greg and warm up his body with his, but he couldn't get past his anger enough to hold the man in his arms, instead he pulled the wheelchair over and sat in it, holding Greg's hand.

House's eyes fluttered open and closed against the bright light. He swallowed and could taste bile in his mouth and slowly opened his eyes again. He blinked as they adjusted to the light and he saw James watching him. His eyes saddened as he could see that his eyes were bloodshot from previous tears and his skin around his eyes red from wiping tears. He reached to touch James's face but the man pulled back from his hand and he stopped as his chin shook. "I'm sorry," he croaked in a rough voice.

Wilson shook his head as the words broke his heart and angered him at the same time, but he didn't yell or cry, instead he just swallowed the knot in his throat and nodded.

The lack of punishment only made House feel worse. He looked down to see the sheets were new and figured out that combined with the horrible taste in his mouth he'd probably puked. "How.. how bad was I?" he asked with a raw throat.

"Here," Wilson said handing over a bottle of water. "I don't want to talk about. It doesn't matter," he said firmly.

House drank half the bottle of water while he watched James. "You always want to talk about things," he said still feeling a bit weak and out of it from the ketimine.

"Because I thought talking helped, that it changed things but it doesn't work that way with you, so there's no point in doing it," Wilson said logically with a sigh as he tried to relax some.

"I've been trying to tell you that for years," House said playfully but he could tell by James's lack of response and hard swallow that he wasn't in the mood. "I guess the chemo really took it out of me tonight because I..."

"Shut up," Wilson said with disgust, "I found the ketimine and the viagra so you don't have to pretend," he said narrowing his eyes.

House licked his lips, "I just want us to be able to have sex like a normal couple. I thought that if I..."

"I don't want to talk about it. What the hell about that is so hard to understand?!" Wilson said cutting him off again.

"James, we talk about things because it helps you. Talk to me about this, tell me what happened," House pleaded.

Wilson shook his head, "No, I'm not allowed to have feelings in this relationship."

"What are you," House tried to sit up but his arm buckled under his weight showing him the ketimine wasn't all out of him, "talking about?" he asked looking slightly concerned about not being able to hold his weight.

"Leave it alone, House," Wilson ground out in frustration while running his hand threw his hair.

House flinched at his name, it was like an emotional slap. "I guess that answers the question if you're mad at me," he said softly looking down. "James, I never meant to make you feel like you couldn't express yourself. I don't know what I could have done to make you feel that way but I never meant it like that," he said laying on the bed and watching his lover with concern.

Wilson chuckled, "Don't know what you could have done... never meant it," he repeated to himself as his smile turned into a disgusted look. He shook his head as emotion filled him, "You hurt yourself," he said looking to Greg with moist eyes. "Every fucking time I get mad at you or we have an argument and you 'think' I'm mad at you, you do something stupid and hurt yourself," Wilson stood up. "Like starving yourself, or refusing to take your pain meds, or not telling me you need more pain meds, or taking too many meds, or... evidently taking a date rape drug on the night you plan to have sex with me," he said as some tears fell. "So I've learned, I can't get mad at you, can't get frustrated unless I'm willing to suffer the worst punishment... watching you hurt yourself."

House blinked at him in confusion, "I don't understand... I punish myself because I deserve to..."

"HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT GET IT!" Wilson yelling causing Greg to pull back at him with wide eyes. "How would you feel if you found me writhing in pain because I refused to take my meds because you'd gotten irritated with me? How would you feel if you," Wilson pulled the cover off of Greg and pulled his legs apart, "saw those marks all over my fucking legs?!" He said pointing to the cutting marks Greg had done to himself. He saw Greg breathing become more panicked as he hung his head in shame and let the mans leg go to see him curl up. "How would you feel if the man you loved almost died in your arms while you were making love to him?" he sobbed looking away and wiping his eyes.

House swallowed hard as he couldn't imagine how bad it would be to see James hurting himself the way he did. "But I deserve it," he said softly as he tried to sit up again and managed with both arms. He looked at the back of James, "I don't see why you worry about me. I'm not worth caring about."

"I care because I love you, moron! If anyone else hurt you like that I'd kill them, but it's you who's doing it to yourself. What the hell am I suppose to do with that? Do you really think I can see you in pain without it hurting me too? That I can see you almost die and feel nothing!" Wilson yelled in frustration to see Greg looked away from him with hurt evident and swallow as a thought crossed Wilson's mind that he wished hadn't. Had anyone ever loved Greg like that? Obviously no one had ever stopped the abuse Greg had endured and he couldn't remember anyone, besides himself, ever making a fuse over his self destructive behavior. "You mean the world to me, Greg. I love you because you're worth loving," he said in a more tender tone.

House tried to keep his emotions under control but his vision blurred some, "It hurts you to see me hurting," he said in a thoughtful whisper to himself, "it never crossed my mind that someone could feel that way about me, except maybe Stacy," he said, his voice heavy with emotion looking at a wall as his brain tried to process it. "You're mad at me, you should go take a break from this," he said with a frown.

Wilson stared at Greg, the man really hadn't even thought it was possible for someone to love him and that fact was heartbreaking. He could see Greg's mind racing as the man's face twitched with micro-expressions at the possibility. Wilson wanted to leave to get a break from the night but he couldn't not knowing that Greg might hurt himself even more, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to give you the opportunity to hurt yourself anymore."

Embarrassment flooded over House as he glanced at James, "I'm not some emo high school girl you have to watch. I'm fine, I won't do anything."

"Actually, emotionally you are," Wilson said to see Greg glare at him. "You get caught up in your emotions and make decision that you haven't even thought out. You either don't give a shit what you put other people through or you haven't put in the effort to think past yourself," he said to see House roll his eyes and start to open his mouth. "Don't believe me? Let's take tonight for example. Let's look over the deep emotional damage I suffered from you almost asphyxiating while I was still inside you and that if you'd died, which was very possible, that I don't think I could have survived losing you and lets consider what would have happened if you had died. What do you think would have happened to me when your body was examined and they found a date rape drug in your system along with my DNA?" He asked to see realization hit Greg.

"I'm such an idiot," House said with frustration as he looked at James and hated what he'd put the man through. "You have to hate me right now. You should go, get some space I know you need it and I'll promise to be good."

Wilson thought about it, "I don't want to leave but I can't stand to look at you right now. Does that make any sense?" he asked afraid he was losing his mind.

"I have that effect on people," House said playfully and moved to the edge of the bed and slipped into the wheelchair quickly wrapping a blanket around him to keep his body from showing as he felt the sting of rejection once again, even though he knew he deserved it. "I'll take the couch," he said refusing to look at James..

Wilson stopped him, "No, I'll take the couch. I don't really want to sleep in that bed after what happened tonight anyway and your leg can't take the couch," he said firmly. "But you could brush your teeth," he said with a slight smile. Greg nodded and rolled into the bathroom, grabbing a pair of pajamas on the way. When he came back out he was dressed with a freshly washed face and brushed teeth. Wilson reached over to help Greg up but he pulled back from his helping hand.

"You don't have..." House mumbled looking down when James's hand wrapped around him and pulled him to the bed in a firm but caring grip while James kissed him softly on the lips.

"I love and hate you right now," Wilson said looking in his surprised blue eyes.

House licked his lips, "After all I put you through, you kiss me?" he asked.

Wilson swallowed giving a sad smile, "I'm more glad you're alive then pissed at what you did. Goodnight, Greg," he said and walked to the door stopping. "You sure you're alright, because if it's between me taking longer to calm down and you hurting yourself, then I'd rather be here with you."

"I promise," House said sincerely and watched as James turned off the light and left.

1111111111

House grimace as he heard another muffled moan drift from down the hall. He wasn't getting much rest tonight any, so he might as well see if he could help James some. He's arms shook as he pushed himself to a sitting position at the edge of the bed. He took some deep breaths as some sweat from his forehead ran down his nose. The pain was so intense he didn't even try to keep it from his face as he fell into the wheelchair at a hard angle. He hissed threw his teeth as he tried to get in control of it and after a couple of minutes he rolled down the hall to his couch. The covers jerked some and another whimper came from the person under it. House pulled the covers back some to see distress on James features and rubbed his thumb against the mans cheekbone, "James, it's okay," he said tenderly.

Wilson jerked awake to find himself on Greg's couch taking panting breath and looked around to see the dark shape of a wheelchair with a skele... he jerked back and then it occurred to him that it had to be House. "What the fuck, House! Are you trying to scare the shit out of me," he yelled trying to get control of himself.

House felt a pang when he saw James pull away from him and realized that man was right. He probably looked like something out of a horror movie. "You were having a bad dream."

"Yeah, I did, maybe you can interpret it for me. Let's see, we were having lunch in the cafeteria when there was this gun shot and I saw you were bleeding and starring at me with huge eyes. So I look down and see I'm holding a gun and I too am bleeding from the same place you are," he said glaring at House.

House didn't know what to say and the pain wasn't helping. "Sorry I suck as a boyfriend, but I did warn you."

Wilson scoffed and was about to go into another rant when something suddenly hit him. "Did I scream loud or something?" he asked wondering why Greg was up in the first place.

"No, but there were some moans," House answered.

Wilson sat up looking in Greg's direction and turned on the lamp beside him. The room lit up and he saw the sweat running down Greg as if he was in a sauna and his face etched in pain. "You're in pain," he accused as he stood up.

House looked at him with confusion for a second, "All the medicines are in the bathroom and I was in the bed, didn't want to take a chance falling and causing something worse."

"But you got out of the bed to check on me," Wilson said with irritation to see Greg starring back at him with serious eyes and he swallowed as he considered if anyone he'd ever been with before would have gotten out of the bed when in so much pain just to keep him from having bad dreams. He suddenly felt like an ass. He sighed as he sat down and really looked at Greg. He reached over to touch his hand and found it was freezing and clammy and he gritted his teeth to keep from crying as he kissed it. "You're going to take your medicine and then we're going to go to sleep in your bed," he said standing up and looking down at the man.

"I need to go to the restroom," House said as he looked down.

Wilson felt like an idiot. What the hell had he been thinking sleeping in the living room when Greg was in this shape? Sure, he wasn't hooked up to a ton of machines and there was no chemo going in his arm but that hadn't meant Greg was back to normal. "I'm sure we can fit that in," he said trying to sound casual as he rolled Greg into the restroom.

Wilson grew concerned when Greg rolled himself into a ball on his side of the bed and remained silent like he'd been ever since they'd enter the bathroom. He quickly grabbed some extra blankets covered Greg with them and got in bed beside him. He wrapped his arms around the cold wire framed man and could feel the muscles tighten in unease. "What's wrong?" Wilson asked looking at the back of the mans head.

House starred into the darkness and swallowed. He wasn't sure how long it had been since James had asked the question before he could answer. "Don't be so rough next time," he whispered gruffly as his chin shook as he could still feel his ass hurting and remember the blood on the toilet paper, "please," he added closing his eyes.

Wilson had been drifting to sleep when the words had woken him. The shame of knowing he'd hurt Greg in such an intimate way after all he'd been through felt like a knife through the heart. He propped himself up on one elbow and turned the slender man to face him, "I hurt you?" he asked but in his heart he knew that he had to have.

House's eyes met his, "I've had blood and cum in my ass before, it's nothing special and it was my fault, I shouldn't have taken the drugs. I deserv.."

Wilson covered Greg's mouth with his hand as tears fell from his eyes. He looked in those big vulnerable eyes below him, "No, you didn't. Promise me you'll never say that again," he pleaded as his tears dropped on his hand and the man below it.

House nodded and James's hand slipped off his mouth, "I want you to know I only agreed because I didn't want to slowly drown in a river of your tears," he said with the same sarcastically funny tone he always had but his eyes were full of concern.

Wilson smiled at him with damp eyes, "You don't get to make me smile and cry at the same time," he said looking at Greg with love.

"Then I pick the smile, it's not as messy and afterward your head doesn't look like a big red balloon wearing a wig," House said with a smirk as his hands wrapped around James to hold him gently.

Wilson brushed his lips against Greg's in a silent request for permission and was rewarded as cold chapped lips opened. They stayed like that for a long time kissing and holding each other, neither one trying to turn it into more, both content in what it was.


	50. Chapter 50 : Circle of Emotions

House woke up in pain which wasn't anything new but the places had changed some. His whole body thrummed in a mild pain and crippling weakness but for some reason that didn't matter to his sex. His penis was hard nestled between James and his own body and his testicles ached from epididymal hypertension or better known as blue balls. He'd been getting aroused mulitple times a day for over a week now without any release and it was becoming unbareable. Almost every morning this week he'd woken up with testicular pain but unlike those mornings before, he was cathiter free this morning. He opened his eyes to see Jimmy's sleeping face and body facing his, their legs intwined and arms still around eachother. Hope swarmed through him at the sight of them even after the horrific night he'd caused...maybe there really was a chance they'd make it through all of this...maybe they were meant to be together. He moved slightly and his penis throbbed with desire at the tiny movement while his balls sent a sharp pain that made him gasp in surprising mixture of pleasure and pain. He NEEDED relief and he wanted it in the form of James. He thought it out and decided to approach the answer indirectly by giving James the same desire. He slipped his hand between them and ever so slightly ran a finger over Jimmy Junior who responded in ernest. House closesd his eyes as need, love, desire and pure animal lust made his body ache to crawl on top of James. He licked his lips and took a couple of deep breaths before touching little Jimmy again and finding him completely at attention.

Wilson woke with a needy moan and opened his eyes to see Greg's eyes on his with flushed cheeks as his hand rubbed little Wilson. His hips rolled into the hand against his better judgement. "Shit," he muttered, "what are you doing?" he asked half awake.

"I woke up to you poking me in the leg and thought I'd give you a hand," House said rubbing him for emphasises.

Wilson felt his stomach twist as the night before rushed through his mind and the usually ideal situation turned making him feel sick. "Don't worry about me," he said pulling away from Greg as his muscles tightened.

House saw the look of disgust on James's face as he pulled back and his hope vanished. "Right, in the light of day what the fuck was I thinking," he said bitterly pulling the cover tight around him like a cacoon.

Wilson was already getting out of the bed when he heard House's mumbled statement and turned to see him wrapped up tighter than a mummy. He opened his mouth with a sharp tongue but closed it before he said anything as he saw the live mummy shiver. Greg was insecure, sick and afraid; the last thing he needed was to have barbs thrown at him. "After last night I need time, okay. It's not that I don't love you but I have to get that image of you laying there unconious out of my mind. God have mercy on me, I've got to get the image of me HURTING you out of my fucking mind," he said as his hands trembled some.

House rolled his eyes, "I'm fine, I told you that," he gritted out through clenched teeth.

"Well I guess that should surprise me since you're the fucking Rape Queen!" Wilson yelled darkly before his eyes widened at his own words and he covered his mouth with a shaking hand. "I can't... believe I said that," he mumbled as he walked up to the bed to House, whose eyes were closed tight. He put a hand on the cacoon and could feel it cringe away form him, "I didn't mean that," he whispered.

"Yes you did," House said without inflection opening his cold eyes to meet James's. "At least you're fucking being honest for once in your ballless life," he said ripping the cover from around him and sitting up so he was eye to eye with James. "You're pissed at me for being raped. You blame me for letting them rape me," he stated to see James shake his head in denial. "Yes you do! You fucking thought I enjoyed it," he said with anger in his eyes. "Quit lying to me and just get it all out. Yell at me, hit me, whatever the fuck you have to do to get over being pissed at me because I was raped because I'm tired of this shit."

"You want to know why I'm pissed? I'm pissed that you MADE me RAPE you," Wilson growled grabbing House's shirt

House smirked his cold eyes cutting into James, "Oh, darling, don't flatter yourself," he said in a sickeningly sweet voice. "You might have some... darker desires," he said his eyes changing with the words with undeniable knowledge as he put his lips to James's ear, "but you couldn't rape someone if your life depended on it because you can't stop yourself from caring," he whispered his dark blue eyes never leaving James's.

Wilson pushed House back against the bed with irritation at the mans fucking ego and climbed on top of him. "You think you know everything, everyone but you don't! You don't know what I'm capable of," he said glaring down at House with anger.

House felt his cock getting excited at the proposition of James sitting on him even while the rest of his body shuttered at the implication of James's words. "I can get you off with out lifting a finger," he said as his heart raced.

"You're fucking hard," Wilson said with disgust as he realized what the hard ridge he was sitting on was on Greg's stromach, "you like this," he accused.

House's face flushed, "Morning wood, does not a masacist make," he said with a glare, "and just so I know was I better than Brandon at least?"

Wilson's mouth fell open at the question, "I didn't sleep with him," he said with guilt.

"Your lips say no but those guilt ridden eyes of yours say yes," House said looking away, "and you still fucking smell of he colgne."

Wilson got off of the House, "Seriously, I didn't sleep with him, House and what does he have to do with..." his voice faded off as he suddenly understood why last night had happened.

House closed his eyes as his body shivered, "I could smell him on you," he said swallowing hard.

Wilson hated himself, "I didn't say anything because you asked me not to but I swear we didn't have sex.. at least not intercourse!"

"I'm going to be sick," House gritted out as he tried to get off the bed and flinched with still closed eyes as hands wrapped around him.

Wilson carried him to to the bathroom and Greg vomitted hard in the toilet. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

House spit the bile from his mouth as he held on to the toilet, "Do you love him more than me?" he asked staring in the bowl.

The question made Wilson pale as he shook his head, "NO! Greg, I don't love him at all," he said ademently.

House swallowed down some bile as he looked at James, "At least I'm Greg now, the guy you kind of like to consider fucking instead of House the friend you wish you'd never met," he said bitterly. "Jimmy boy, you can't stick your dick in something you don't at least like, that's how I know you couldn't rape someone. That's how I KNEW before you did when you were going to cheat so don't LIE to me, you fucking owe me that much."

"It started off as kiss and before I knew it I had him pinned to the wall with his pants down but as soon as I put one finger in him I stopped! I felt the inside of him and I thought of you and I stopped because I didn't want to hurt you," Wilson said to see tears running down the older mans face as he lurched. "I waited for you because I didn't want to share myself with someone else because I love you."

House glared at him, "And the hicky on your dick came from Santa Claus?" he asked sarcastically.

Wilson blushed

"_I don't think you could survive it," Brandon said looking in James's damp eyes._

_Wilson looked into those bright green eyes, "What's wrong with me?" he asked. "I love him and yet I still want you, there has to be something wrong with me."_

"_Your attracted to me and your smart enought to know I can handle you being sexually dominate better that Greg can, even if that isn't what your heart wants," Brandon said staring in those puppy brown eyes as he leaned in and kissed him._

_Wilson gave into that kiss but pulled away shaking his head, "I have to save myself for him," he said with searching eyes._

_Brandon nodded as he rested his forehead against James. "So we do something you've done before with a twist," he said with a smile against the mans ear._

"_What did you have in mind?" Wilson asked with need._

_Brandon pulled back, "I'm sure you've had a blow job before but I bet you've never facefucked a man before," he said falling to his knees infront of James._

_Wilson watched as the man started to lick his cock through the pants and grabbed his hair pulling his head back roughtly and adrenaline flooded through him at the smile on Brandon's lips. "I say when you can have it," he said in a deeper voice then he usually spoke with. "You're not going to be as good as he is, but for once I'm not going to hold back," he said pulling more on the hair as he used the other hand to undo his pants._

House watched as Wilson stared off into the living room with a frown and he followed the gaze confused at first then disgusted. "You've gotta be fucking kidding me, tell me you didn't do it in my place," he asked with out hope.

Wilson winced at the question looking down at Greg, "It was just a blow job," he said with guilt ridden eyes, "and he wasn't anywhere near as good as you are," he said knowing that didn't make it right but still thinking Greg ought to know the truth.

House flushed the toilet and tried to stand up but he was too weak to and when James's hand grabbed his arm he shook it off, "Get off me, I don't want your help," he said stubbornly.

Wilson squated down beside him, "Look at me please," he begged to see the bloodshot blue eyes on his and his throat tightened. "I suck, quite literally, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. Just like what you did last night doesn't mean you love me any less, it might mean we're both pretty fucked up in our own ways," he said pausing as he thought, "actually I'm pretty certain it means we're fucked up." He said giving Greg a grim look, "But the point is that we love eachother and I'm still going to be here to help you."

House wanted to argue that what he'd done and what James had done were completely different and it was true, but the result was the same. The'd both hurt eachother when they'd both done what they did to try and avoid hurting one another. He reached out for James who gratifully helped him to his feet and held him against him on wobbly legs. "Was I really better than him," he mumbled and sniffled.

Wilson used his free hand to move Gregs face to look at his, "Yes, I've never met anyone that even comes close, emotionally or physically," he answered honestly.

"James," House said in a sigh, "I know this is all emotional and breaking and healing stuff.. but I really need to go to the restroom," he said with embarrasment.

They were already in the restroom and Wilson knew that what he really meant was that he needed help on the toilet. "That's okay, you never need to feel embarrassed to ask for help," James said helping Greg to get closer to the toilet and started to move his hand to the mans pants.

"Tell me that when you're the one having to ask for it, and I can get my own fucking pants," he said turning his face away as James lowered him to the toilet.

With his arms wrapped around Greg's chest Wilson stopped a couple of inches above the toilet giving the man a patient, yet pointed look.

House blinked at him in slight confusion, "I secretly admit to finding you quite cute when you force me to pay your little kissing tax to get on the bed and things like that but the toilet," he cringed, "doesn't really have the same effect," he explained looking up that Wilson.

Wilson let out an amused scoff, "I'm waiting on you to pull down your pants," he said and smirked, "but I'll take a kissing tax if you're willing to pay it."

"I'll do it after I'm on the toilet and your out of the room," House said firmly, trying to protect James.

Wilson's eyes searched his, "Why? What's wrong?" he asked as panic filled him and he held Greg tighter.

"James," House said seriously in a warning tone, "put me down."

Wilson knew the right thing to do was to let Greg go and respect his privacy and wishes, but he couldn't stop thinking about how Greg had hidden his side from him only to find out later it was cancer. It was wrong on EVERY level to use House's vulnerable state and his obvious power over the man in his favor and he was sure he'd hate himself for it but he didn't let go. "Last time you refused to let me see something you had cancer," he whispered with fear.

House tried to brush the emotion behind James's words off and sighed, "No, last time I kept something from you it was scars," he corrected to see the brown eyes grow even more concerned. "You promised not to do this," he said with dissappointment to see Wilson's eyes refuse to meet his and he swallowed hard as he wondered why he'd expected anything different. His heart twisted in revusion as the illiusion that James thought of him as an equal was shattered and he pulled his pants down with a clentch jaw and damp eyes that starred at the ground.

Wilson placed Greg on the toilet seat and let go to see dark bruised on the mans hipbone and legs and he felt sick as he realized they were from where he'd held on to Greg during... sex? Sex didn't seem to fit the discription of what they'd done last night, the brutality and crassiness of it was like nothing he'd ever experienced.

House felt his face redden in embarrassment and shame at how pathetic he was to let himself be tricked into such a situation. He was angry at himself for believing that Wilson could ever really see him as something more than the ego boosting distraction he'd always used him for during times of stress or bordom. Wilson's eyes felt invading and smug to him as they starred at his nudeness openly. "Am I allowed to empty my bowels and bladder without an audience or did you want to watch that too?" he asked his voice flat.

Wilson shook his head and ran out of the bathroom closing the door as he went and threw up in the kitchen trash can. He'd fucked Greg's unconscious body so hard he'd made him bleed and left bruises on him. What kind of monster had he turned into that he could HURT someone during sex, and not just anyone, Greg? Brandon's words haunted him, _"__James, it's one thing for a stranger to hurt you and it's a whole other animal for someone you love to do it. I can tell you from personal experience you don't want to be responsible for hurting him like that..."_ Wilson shuttered and rinsed his mouth out.

House flushed the toilet and James walked back in looking paler than he had before he'd left. James lifted him without words, cradling him like a child and put him down on the couch then went to the kitchen. House's mind left his own worries as he watched James start cooking in the kitchen in silence with loss on his handsome features. What had happened in the short amount of time that had left his Jimmy so tortured? When he saw a tear running down the mans cheek he sat up with alarm and concern. "Jimmy," he said as fear made his heart race.

Wilson couldn't stop the tears as he buckled falling into a sobbing mess on the ground at the realization that he had in all practical terms raped Greg.

House's eyes widened as he quickly dropped off the couch to the floor and crawled over to James who was crying so hard he was gasping for air. "James, breath," he said sitting beside the man as his hands cupped the mans face.

"I...hurt... you," Wilson managed to say between tears as he looked up at his sweet Gregory.

House's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "I'm fine," he said as he worried that maybe James was suffering from illusions.

Wilson cried harder grasping Greg's arm, "I... ra...raped you," he said his eyes sick and haunted. His hand let go of Greg's thin arm and he rubbed the side of Greg's face, "My sweet baby," he said struggling to breath.

Shock hit House at the statement. James was torn up over a few bruises and a spotting of blood, the thought that he'd hurt him was crippling him. House's hands dropped from his face as he blinked at the man in wonder. He felt lost at what he was suppose to do, comforting wasn't something he was really good at in the first place. His emotions were drowning him; love for James was the strongest but so was pain, fear, admiration and desire. "You didn't rape me," he said seriously with deep concern.

Wilson clasped Greg's hand in his, "I did," he sobbed as a fresh hot wave of tears flooded out of him.

House didn't know why he find this attractive in a weird way, but he had a huge urge to kiss the man hard and never stop. Maybe he was still horny from this morning or... maybe the idea that he meant so much to James that the thought he'd hurt him turned him into a sobbing mess was the most moving thing he'd ever seen. "Marry me," he said with glassy eyes before he kissed James tenderly on the lips.

Wilson's brain stopped along with the rest of the world. Had?...no, no.. no, he'd miss heard or gone insane. Either one of those things were more probable then what he'd sworn he'd heard leave Gregory's lips before they ever so gently went to work on his. He gasped as the man nipped his bottom lip a little harder than usual and their eyes met. His eyes searched his lovers to see love, fear and a deep desire in them and he kissed the man back. Wilson felt tears fall from his closed eyes but this time it was for a completely different reason. He pulled back to see Greg panting as his hips were grabbed by the man positioned so he was sitting on Greg's lap before his mouth was kissing him again. He could feel the mans hardness under him as the cold hands slipped up his tee-shirt causing pleasant tingling sensations that made his skin crawl with need.

House couldn't believe what he'd said, it had been as natural and automatic to say as it would be for a drowning man to take a breath of air once they broke the surface of the water. He'd never thought he'd say those words to anyone but he had to James in a tearfest on his kitchen floor and he'd meant it. He loved the man beyond words, emotions, logic, and life it's self. So how the hell was he going to handle the rejection that was sure to follow when Wilson finally got a chance to answer him? There was a simple solution though, keep kissing James for the rest of his life so the man never got that chance to respond.

Wilson pulled back gasping for air as he looked at Greg, "Did you mean it?" he asked looking in those deep blue eyes to feel the man pulling him back into a kiss. He put his hand on Greg's chest to keep them from kissing again and could feel the pounding of Greg's heart. "Talk to me about this," he begged.

House tried to keep his face neutral though his heart was breaking, "There's nothing to talk about when the answers no," he said harsher than he'd intended to.

He'd meant it... House... Greg.. the man in front of him had asked (more like commanded) him to marry him. "Yes," he answered from his heart to see Greg's eyes widen in shock.

House couldn't believe it and suddenly he chuckled, "Yes," he repeated amused and over joyed. "Yes!" he exclaimed with smile

Wilson felt his heart flutter at the smile on Greg's face, it was like peeking into heaven. He laughed, "Well you found the perfect time and way to ask, how could I say no," he chuckled.

House pulled James into a hot deep kiss as he started taking off the mans shirt when the smoke alarm went off. He felt James start to pull away but gripped his hips tightly rolling them against his lap as his tongue darted into Jimmy's mouth to silence his protest.

Wilson laughed as he tried to pull back as cold hands and a delightfully sinful tongue fought to keep him there. After a fifteen second struggle he finally wiggled himself free, "I can't have you burning up in a fire," he said with a wolfish smile as he stood up.

House eyes saddened as he stuck out his bottom lip, "But what about the fire that's already in my pants," he said pointing to his obvious erection, "you promised to use your special hose, remember?" he asked in a child like voice.

"Real fires first, penis fires later after you've had something to eat," Wilson said in a father like tone as he grabbed the handle of the skillet that had burning eggs in it and tossed it in the sink of water. He turned to see Greg still sitting there with a sullen look as the alarm kept blaring. He climbed on top of the island in the kitchen and turned off the alarm but when he got down to help Greg back to the living room the man was gone. A quick glance around showed him that Greg was in the living room already still on the floor leaning back against the couch as he watched TV. Wilson's mouth opened to say something and then closed it, he wasn't sure what had happened but he felt guilt hit him as if he'd missed something important. He'd known Greg had wanted to bask in the moment and he had too but the burning food and fire had to be dealt with and Greg really needed to eat and... he still wasn't ready to have sex with him after last night. He swallowed and hoped the man would understand as he started cleaning up the mess and getting ready to cook another batch.

House looked over at Jimmy when the water started going as the man cleaned out the skillet and he knew what was to come. James had a good excuse for stopping the make out session, a very valid and logical excuse but he'd had a better excuse to keep going with the make out session, love. He had just proposed to him and that was more fucking important than a stupid smoke alarm. So why had James turned his attention to the alarm? The answer was obvious, the man wanted an excuse to stop it and therefore had doubts about the two of them. He didn't know how soon it would come but he was positive that the proposal was going to be rejected as soon as James had time to really think about how he felt. He sighed looking back to the TV to see a frog get eaten by an alligator and felt a little more contempt for the alligator than was justified.

Breakfast had passed in silence as they ate and Greg took his pills. Greg had felt James giving him long guilt ridden glances and James had felt the coldness of Greg's shoulder. When they were both done James picked up the plates to clean them and Greg stretched out on the couch as he started playing a video game. James joined him after thirty minutes and watched the game in silence. Hours passed like that, both of them avoiding directly speaking to one another out of fear of what was on the others mind and before James knew it he was back in the kitchen fixing lunch for the two of them.

When he was done cooking he walked into the living room to tell Greg lunch was ready, to see the man shaking a fist at him back and forth. He stared at Greg with confusion at the fist with his thumb up between the index and middle finger before he understood. "I didn't know you knew sign language," he said getting the wheelchair to the couch for Greg.

House shrugged, "I was bored one week and decided that since it's a universal language it might be interesting to know it," he said trying to help James as the man moved him into the wheelchair. "I just thought it would be a little easier on my pride to sign it than to keep asking you to take me to the bathroom."

Wilson walked behind Greg as the man had to put out a visible effort to roll the chair into the bathroom, "Was it?" he asked with interest and concern.

"It feels like holding up a white flag and shaking it," House said tentatively, "but it's a little easier," he agreed.

"I'm glad," Wilson said wrapping his arms around the other man to help him stand and then lowing him on the toilet. This time he didn't stop above the lid, he really didn't want to see the damage he'd caused. "Lunch is ready, I'll just put it on the table and you can give me a call when you're done," he said with a reassuring smile and left.

"What do you think about me catering the Wedding?" Wilson said out of no where while they were eating lunch.

House almost choked but recovered to blink at James. "Like those macadamia pancakes you make?" he asked thinking about it.

Wilson's brow furrowed, "I was thinking more like a seafood or Italian buffet," he said in thought but the idea of making foods that he'd cooked specifically for Greg had a nice ring to it, "but I could do that."

"Genius idea," House announced with sparkling eyes, "You could make a lot of big one and make a maple cream cheese icing that you could layer between them and that could be our wedding cake!" He said with a smug smile.

Wilson thought about that, it was actually a pretty good idea. "Maple cream cheese icing... that's really good," he said and narrowed his eyes on Greg, "since are you a culinary artisan?"

House rolled his eyes, "I remember a certain Oncologist raving about my Hot Ginger Chicken Stir-fry back in the day, and those steamed shrimp and crab dumplings," he said holding his head high as he stuffed a big bite of pasta salad in his mouth.

Wilson had all but forgotten that Greg had actually been rather good in the kitchen back before the infarction when he'd cooked. So much had changed after the leg that he had a hard time remembering that there really was a whole different side of Greg that had been lost, maybe he could help recover some of that. "You could make some those dumplings," he suggested innocently.

House looked down at his plate, "Yeah right, I stopped cooking because I couldn't handle standing around in a kitchen for hours on end and I can't cook something like that from a wheelchair."

Wilson ate a couple of bites of his lunch in thought, "You could teach me how to make them," he suggested hesitantly glancing up at Greg.

House frowned, "I created those recipes after a week of trial and errors trying to recreate favorite dishes I'd seen being eaten during my time as a piece of luggage being dragged along on my fathers travels to grow his career."

"Seen eaten? How can you recreate a dish you're never tried?" Wilson asked skeptically.

House gave James a 'duh' look and his face became very expressive like that of an adult explaining something to a small child. "Well see, Jimmy, I know that this his hard for someone with your limited capabilities to understand," he said pointing to his head with a mock sympathetic smile, "but very little of what we perceive as tasting actually comes from what our taste buds, those tiny dots that cover our tongue," he said with his tongue stuck out pointing to the surface of it as James narrowed his eyes at him, "in fact most of what we think we are tasting is created by our mind from what we are," he took in a dramatic breath, "smelling," he finished pointing to his nose.

Wilson felt like slapping the man a little but let go of that thought as a valid argument came to his mind. "And what about texture on the tongue, firmness to the food, and ingredients used?" he asked with condescendingly with a smirk. "Are you telling me you could detect all of that from aroma?"

"I was a staving child, I watched people eat and cook with the same intensity that I now watch porn or look through and interesting case. I watched what the cooks used and what I couldn't tell I used common sense of the regions food to guess, as for the texture on the palette I watched how people put it in there mouth and counted number of chews for firmness. It is really quite elementary when you think about it, my dear, Wilson." House said self righteously.

Wilson's heart broke at the admission, _I was a staving child_. He'd never thought of what that would really be like. How it would be to watch others eat as your stomach chewed on it's lining or to smell dishes that made your stomach moan? It had to be torture for Greg as a child to watch food being eaten while he was left many times with only water to drink. He could see Greg's smirk fade as the man realized what his mind was focused on. "Elementary?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow, "So, does that make you Mr. Sherlock Holmes?" he asked in an attempt to avert Greg from they scent of sympathy that was wafting off him in waves.

House decided to avoid the tension the sympathy had brought in loo for conversation. "A genius who created a field for himself that until him was unheard of and used unconventional intelligence to figure out mysteries that left other professionals dumbfounded. A misanthrope of a man who indulged in drugs to dull his mind when the boredom of 'normal' life threaten to drive him insane." He said describing the fictional character, "A Holmes by any other name is just a House," he mused.

Wilson smiled at the Greg's play on words, "I guess that makes me Watson."

"The big hearted doctor who finds Holmes too intriguing to distance himself from. A man who easily sees all the faults in the man that the rest of the world does but also sees the mans hidden heart that everyone but him thinks he is void of. A charmer of ladies who falls in love with as much discrimination of that a dog might implore when marking his territory and yet no matter what woman he's with his devotion to Holmes still remains solid to pull him out of cocain dens or danger of worthy adversaries." House said as his eyes searched his lovers, "You know there has always been a lot of people who said that what Holmes and Watson had went beyond friendship, brotherhood, or even sanity. That the only way they're relationship could have survived everything they went through together was if they were completely taken with one another in a bond of love that extinguished all other things," he whispered seriously with penetrating eyes.

Wilson's heart burned at the sweet tender words. Greg might not always say sweet things but when he did it was done with the tenderness and passion that few others had the capability of experiencing. He stood up without a word then walked over the man and leaned down to kiss him. It wasn't a needy kiss or a desperate one. The kiss was slow and tender that spoke of love and comfort. His hands cupped Gregs head with a gentle force.

House took in a deep slow breath as the kiss ended still looking up at James. His skin literally aching to touch and be touched by the man, not in a sweaty hot dance of sex but in a leisurely caressing and cuddling of each other that spoke of love deeper than flesh.

Wilson watched as Greg took his hand and bowed his forehead to it with closed eyes. His eyes widened at the gesture that looked similar to that of a man in prayer then he kissed the back of the hand and looked at him with deep blue eyes that swam in emotions. Wilson swallowed as his heart moved to sit in his throat at the implications of the gesture. "Let me put this up real quick," he mumbled in a trance as he starred at the beautiful creature before him.

A small smile crept on Greg's lips, "I'll be in the bedroom," he said letting the mans hand slowly fall from his. He usually would have denied the request to pick up the dishes but he wanted a minute alone and now he would get it.

When Wilson walked into the bedroom he found Greg sitting in his wheelchair by the bed. He was happy not to find the man nude since he really wasn't ready for sex and his muscles relaxed as he walked over. "There is a tax to be paid," he said leaning down and kiss the man tenderly with a smirk before he wrapped his arms around Greg then lifted him onto the bed.

House spoke with his eyes of love as his hands move under the hem of James's shirt. He could feel the tightening of muscles and hesitation in the other man and his eyes pleaded for him to trust him. His hands slowly moved up James's torso taking the cloth of the tee shirt with them until warm smooth flesh was all that there was. House swallowed as he looked down at the mans flawless skin, so different from his own and he put a hand over the man's heart.

Wilson felt his eyes water at the gesture as he watched Greg literally touch his heart. When the hand slipped away he saw Greg close his eyes as he took off his own shirt as if afraid of what he might see. The vulnerability and insecurity those eyes held when they looked back at him made his heart ache as the man wrapped his thin arms around him. It took him a second to realize Greg was hugging him and he wrapped his arms around Greg's pale scarred skin to feel the man let out a relieved breath. He crawled up on the bed with Greg after that understanding they both wanted the same thing.

The two of them slipped under the cover facing each other. House pulled James's hand and put it over his heart, looking in the mans eyes and slipped a heavy ring on it.

Wilson pulled his hand back to him and stared at the ring. It was white gold a huge antique cushion cut high quality ruby in the center surrounded by twenty four diamonds on the side it had the emblem for the Marine Corps laid in yellow gold. He slipped the ring off and saw _Lt. House_ engraved on the bottom of the band and _Semper Fi Unit 2341 _engraved on the inside under the stone. Wilson looked back at Greg speechless.

"It's the only ring I own," House said not quite sure what James thought of it. "I'll pick something out for you specifically as soon as I get the chance but," he paused putting the ring back on James's finger, "I wanted to see something on your hand of mine," he finished looking back up at James.

Wilson had given a lot of rings, but never had one given to him. "This is," he started then looked to Greg, "do you know how much this cost?" he asked.

"No, it was given to me by a unit I lead through some tough shit. I never considered selling it so I've never had it appraised and I don't buy jewelry enough to know. Why is it really cheap or something?" House asked with a shrug.

"No," Wilson said slowly taking the ring off to look at it more. "The clarity is at least VS, two carats, very good symmetry and finish, color is perfect red with medium dark tone and high saturation, looks to be natural and the antique cushion cut is exceptional. This stone alone is $60,000!" he exclaimed still staring at the ring. "Then there's 3/4th a carat of quality diamonds and the fact that this very heavy ring is done in 18 carat gold. This ring has to cost at somewhere close to $100,000," he said blinking at it and looking at Greg.

House smirked at James and the fact he looked like he was about to hyperventilate from the idea of it's worth. "Really," he said snatching it up from James's hand, "if I'd known it was that expensive I would have sold it. Don't worry, Jimmy, I'll get something a bit more appropriate for you," he said with a grin.

Wilson grabbed the ring back and put it on, "No, it's mine, you already said," he blurted to see Greg smiling fondly at him.

"Well, now I know how to keep it on you, Fiance" House said wrapping his arms around Jimmy.


End file.
